In light of the recent "What shall we respectfully debate in the next meeting whilst we wear monocles and top hats" thread, I have came up with a most delightful idea of having users post answers to anything ranging from simple problems to moral dilemmas, and even controversial topics that one might have a strong opinion on.

And these solutions can be the most idiotic bat**** rationalizations ever imaginable.

As such a topic, I have came to a solution of how to solve the whole capital punishment thing. For decades people chose one side thinking that the death penalty is barbaric, and sometimes a misplaced sentence as evidence is still trying to work its way forward. Others think that the prison will fill too fast, if not already filled to capacity. My solution would make everyone happy. It's actually quite simple:

Bring back gladiator matches. The Romans had it down. We can put prisoners up against other prisoners, draw a crowd to appease the masses, and serve bread while we're at it. This way, the prisoners have a fighting chance to win their freedom, and the losers still die. No one is actually telling them to die, rather, fight in the arena. Everybody wins. Besides those that are dead.

Besides, I think watching criminals kill other criminals sounds more fun than watching a bunch of sweaty men tackle each other in tights while throwing balls that look like ****.

Anyways, I cannot determine the amount of success this thread will have, but if you have a solution to something, or comments on a solution posted, then go ahead.

I always preferred the idea of making prisoners turn great big giant hamster wheels to generate power.

Brilliant.

I.. I don't know what to say. You've just opened my eyes.

Some math:

Say there's 6 million people serving time in the U.S. I know from using exercise bicycles that it's not too hard to produce 200 watts of power for extended periods of time. So, assuming that each prisoner runs in the wheel for 8 hours each day, that's a constant 400 megawatts being generated.

That's the same as a small coal-fired plant. Not bad.

Of course you still have to feed all these people, and it turns out that humans are terribly inefficient at converting chemical energy into electrical. You'd be better off using their brainpower for something.

Obligatory Matrix reference goes here.

turn them into Biomass generators.

Or we could just burn them all to drive our power plants.

Meanwhile we let the homeless live in the prisons.

People are always making a big deal about artificial reefs, we could just chain weights to their ankles and form "natural" reefs with a truckload of convicts. The bones will become nice sedimentary material, and it'll give the fishies something to nibble on to pass the time.

there sure is a surplus of that in US prisons

So, we have a problem with global warming, right? Well, how about we just cause a nuclear winter. That would fix everything! Just think, anyone that might oppose the US in the future we could just nuke, pave the place over, and then use the rest of the world as our prison camps! Brilliant, two birds with one stone.

My next solution is just as genius, We can make a giant ark, put two of every animal on it, then float them down the the south pole Ala Noah style, by the time they get there, the south pole should be a tropical paradise, Vuala, mankind saved by a big boat!

Heres one my brother in law suggested, we have a problem with Illegal imigrents, right? So we take all the current illegals and make them into paid board control police, give them bonuses if they catch their buddies letting illegals in, and ship them out to cuba or something if they are caught letting illegals in.

The next solution might work even better, we can take over all of north America down to the panama canal, then just build a giant wall and put tons of mines in the ocean.

or we could use them as alternative automobile fuel

Except that it probably takes more fuel to burn the bodies than energy produced from burning

Nuclear winter actually *would* solve global warming. Just throwin' that out there.

You'd probably want to use a lead tamper instead of depleted uranium though; half the yield but you'd end up with practically no radioactive fallout. (This is assuming that the "big-*** fusion bomb on a deserted island" solution is used)

Why? The dead can be fed to the living... as long as the turnover of perps is steady and high enough it'll be fine!

If we make a bomb to create Nuclear Winter, Make sure the Russians head the project. If anything they're good at blowing **** up.

We could solve the animal testing issue by cloning TE tons of times and using the clones for testing. PETA won't care since they're not animals, and Amnesty won't care because their IQ is too low for them to be capable of typical human thought patterns.

thats cold

All the problems in the world are caused by people. This leads to a simple and logical conclusion. We can solve all the world's problems by getting rid of all the people. Simple, elegant, brilliant.

i like this man's thinking.

A good way to control the population is to have a survey that asks the question, "is there such a thing as a raisin tree?" and systematically destroying each person who answers "yes".

Indirectly there is.

SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE

You will be among the first to be terminated.

I heard it through the grape tree.



I have an idea! Solve the obesity problem by making anyone who is fat run on the giant hamster wheels too.

That's providing they don't pass out after 6 steps. If they're carrying too much weight around, we can hook up a liposuction machine to the fuel tank of a biodiesel and drive around on that for a while.

That's an awesome idea.
Fatty-Fuel.

We should send all the people in Prison to TE's house to keep him off the internet. In the butt.

rob's anal internet removal service

what what

ano your thread fails to deliver im sorry

Quite contraire, this is the greatest thread of all time.

(I) Make (made) it so, number 1.

Problem solved, Mr. NoESC.

Or should I say...YesRDV

Ah, but that would eventually lead to the unofficial encouragement of police officers to frame and arrest more and more innocent civilians as the world spirals deeper into an energy crisis.

NO ONE CALLS ME THAT EXCEPT ME

Maybe, but you and I would clearly be in the police, so let's just have a beer and crack on?

Martyn has a point. Arrests may skyrocket, but so will applications to join the police.