I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?"

"Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times."

It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

And then Superman picked up the police car I was in and threw it into the middle of the pacific ocean out of a terrible rage he built up after losing his $2 to lottery tickets.

[edit]

According to Wikipedia:

Jack Handey (born 25 February 1949) is an American humorist. He is best known for his Deep Thoughts, a large body of surrealistic one-liner jokes, as well as his "Fuzzy Memories" and "My Big Thick Novel" shorts. Although many people assume otherwise,[1][2] Handey is a real person, not a pen name or a character.

This information would have been more useful when you initially started the thread.
[/edit]

"The first thing was, I learned to forgive myself. Then I told myself, 'Go ahead, do whatever you want, it's ok by me.'"

If you didn't recognize it right away, this thread wasn't for you.

I didn't recognise it since i've never heard of Jack Handy, but by the sounds of things this is the kind of thing I would be interested in.

So the moral of the story is, don't be an assumptive ***.

I partially agree with petmc, Handey was a pretty big comedian in the 90's, it's almost like not recognizing the name "David Cross."

But you Britlanders probably don't watch much old SNL.

or any SNL.

Who is David Cross?

Agreed.