Especially when the person organizing it is piss drunk.

It kind of went down like this;

I was the smallest person there, so my friend Vinnie put me up against his brother Chris. Chris is probably three times as big as I am and in the army.

I have never had my *** so handed to me.

We went best two out of three.

First round went like this;

I figure if I can get a good tackle from the mid section in I can push him to the ground. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

Chris steps sideways, and lifts my entire body horizontal up to shoulder height and slams me into the grass. Lucky for me he realized he was in kill mode and let me down a little easier than he intended. I landed top of my back and shoulders first, then the rest of me flopped down.

He put me in a loose headlock, and I flopped like a fish two or three times and then tapped out.

Take five to catch my breath, I had no wind left in my lungs.

Round two;

I figure theres no way I can overpower his upper body. At all. Ever.

So I use one of the few useful things Tae Kwon Do teaches you, a leg sweep.

Now there is no way I can get close enough to him to actually sweep his leg, so I figure I'll just slide in like a pair of scissors around his left leg, where he has all his weight planted. This might have worked, but he saw it coming, and stepped out of the way. Me being on the ground was another mistake, he rolls around half way on top of me from behind, wraps his legs around mine and his arms around my and under my chin. Now the idea is that he also be holding my arms, but I knew enough to get my arms out of the way. So I reach up and grab the back of his neck and go for pressure points. At first I thought I was doing it wrong. As it would turn out, they hurt him a lot. Too bad it didn't matter because he was stretching my head away from my neck.

After about 30 seconds of this I felt two pops and tapped out.

I lost..

But everyone pretty much thought I put up an epic fight in the face of zero chance. Everyone thought my leg sweep was pretty impressive and smooth. Everyone was real surprised I got up from the power slam and went again. Chris even said that if he hadn't known what it was it probably would have worked.

I think someone may have recorded the entire thing, so it might end up on youtube. I know for a fact someone snapped a picture of the aftermath of the powerslam, so when I get a hold of that person look forward to that.

I didn't feel too hurt because I was pretty drunk, but when I got up this morning I moaned for about two hours before I could get out of bed. There is a bruise on my left arm the shape of three of Chris' fingers. That is how hard he grabbed me for that slam.



In the next match, Chris actually got really hurt and got taken away in an ambulance. I thought his back was broken, and I had never really seen someone get hurt like that.. so I left. I was a little freaked when the ambulance came.

Apparently after I left they kept wrestling, the tally; Two broken ribs (one person) and someone coughed up blood.

Backyard wrestling is a bad idea.

Next year I'm building a ring, with mats, and more space.

You said it...

Well before backyard wrestling we had the bicycle toss, a chili cook off, a beer belly contest, and readings from The Good Book; The Alphabet of Manliness.

(We actually got the cops called on us while reading about Chuck Norris.)

[Insert Rob talking about how all backyard wrestlers are gay and how stupid youd have to be to try it. Followed by about 9 responses of Rob making fun of the OP]

OH WAIT IT IS ROB HAHA YOU SUCK

I don't think I ever called wrestling gay, but I did call it homoerotic.

But I think lots of sports are intentionally homoerotic due to their greek roots.

mb wins. Seriously.

Haha wow.

Anyway as to backyard wrestling, I can relate. I wrestled this guy twice my weight once while super drunk. At first we kinda circled around for about 30 seconds, then he remembered he was twice my weight and just dove at my upper body. I ducked slightly to one side and backwards with the intent of getting around beside him, then at the last moment noticed I was moving directly into the path of a waist high shrubbery. So I jumped backwards to avoid smashing it. The result was I ended up laying on my back horizontally in mid air, directly overtop the shrubbery, with my opponent directly above me. Then I learned about the effects of gravity on masses. I came down right on top of the shrubbery with my friend on top of me. Knocked the wind out of me hardcore, bruised up my back where I landed on the hard part of the shrubbery, and screwed up both my wrists when I tried to catch myself. Didn't feel anything at the time, but I hurt for like 2 weeks afterwords.

Anyway, we continued wrestling once we were on the ground and he eventually pinned me, but I gave him a struggle, cause I'm a wiry, squirmy *******.

and thus we know there were no girls at the party.

I remember planning fight strategies out. Man that was a long time ago.

Actually, tons of girls showed up.

Unfortunately it was only after someone was seriously injured and by that point the party was pretty much over.

Oi, can't wait for my buddy to finish fixing our ring. Should be nice. But yes, Backyard wrestling is a bad idea. Especially when its actually unplanned shoot fighting. Someone could (and usually does) get seriously hurt. Heck, since I started wrestling, I've had thumbtacks in my back and forehead (a fan at an event I was told later swung the bat that had thumbtacks on it) and I smashed my heel to where I couldn't walk on it for a week.

I really really want to see Rob wrestle.