Introducing Katzenjammer: a text-based adventure game where you make the world as you play it!

Objective: Help the muddled and mystified Murphy find the way out of the strange land of Katzenjamm and back home. Don't help Murphy too much, though, for fate has plans for something greater...

Rules: It's a test-based adventure (see here if you don't know what one is like). In this game, however, each player is allowed one (1) description in response to the previous player's action posted and one (1) action for the next player to post. You are not allowed to contradict what someone else has posted, though the land of Katzenjamm is known for the occasional slip in even its strange reality. Should Murphy die, the game will 'restart" at the last significant, safe place with all progress saved.

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KATZENJAMMER

Reality blows. Anything that can go wrong goes wrong. This is why you, known to the few who have bothered to talk to you as Murphy, hit the pub every night. Perhaps one night, you'll drink enough to die of alcohol poisoning, and thus end your miserable existence, but so far, you've had no such luck. One stormy Saturday night, you've puttered to the pub, as usual, and began chugging down the most expensive beer you can afford -- some foreign import you've never heard of before...

At around 9PM, your memory of events blacks out. Who knows what you did from that point on in the night.

You are rudely woken by a ray of sunshine beaming down on your face. You have a fierce hangover. The room you wake up in appears unfamiliar. From what you can tell, the room is empty and in slight disrepair. The only things you see in the room are an old mattress with no sheets or pillows (of which you are currently lying upon at the moment), the window that the sunlight is piercing through in front of you (which even in your muddled state you can determine is EAST), and a closed door on your left (NORTH).

>>CHECK INVENTORY

((Let's see how this goes))

You are carrying:
A bottle of Jack Daniels (Full)
A Moroccan travel brochure
A puzzle piece (Showing the nose of a cat)

>>GO NORTH

You try to open the door but it is locked.

>>GO EAST

The window appears to have been painted shut. Also it is locked.

>>READ BROCHURE

Edit: ********* JM

(the below has been edited to account for JM's intrusion =_=)

The sights and sounds of the outside world strain towards your senses through the faded pages of the brochure -- but alas, just as they and you are about to join together in bliss, the rude intrusion of a fierce-smelling dark shadow envelops your field of vision.

>> LOOK UP

There is a camera on the ceiling. It is looking at you.

>> WAVE AT CAMERA

How is a camera going to cast a huge fierce-smelling shadow that envelops your vision

((Remember that reality slips sometimes in Katzenjamm. All of you try your best to roll with any inconsistencies. You all are allowed to "claim" a post to edit later, though if a day passes with no follow-up, someone else can post. If I feel the game gets hung up or fading, I'll post again.))

It is a very large and fierce camera. It bites off your hand. Wow, you sure ****ed that up fast!

>>LOAD QUICKSAVE
>>SHOW BROCHURE TO CAMERA

The camera gives you some very helpful tips on how to escape the room. Apparently, the answer I seek is under the mattress.

>> MOVE MATTRESS WITH MAN POWER

You find a key underneath the mattress. How helpful that anonymous camera is indeed...

>>USE KEY ON DOOR

The door clicks open as you use the key. You are nervous, but push the door open regardless. You enter a dark room.

>> FLICK LIGHTSWITCH

The lights buzz and flicker momentarily before illuminating the room. There are several shipping crates in the center of the room. One of them is open. You also see a crowbar lying on the floor nearby.

>>GET CROWBAR

You pick up the crow bar and beat it against your palm in a very satisfying manner.

>>CHECK FOR HEADCRABS

You scan the room, your eyes coming to rest on... a headcrab, peering out of the open crate! No, wait, it's just one of those hats that look like a headcrab.

>>WEAR HAT

Rocking out in your new hat, you quickdraw on a potato and prepare for action.


>>EAT POTATO

Bleh! The potato tastes aweful. You throw it back at the ill-defined place it apparently sprung up from. In the future, you tell yourself that eating things that appear for no discernible reason is probably not a good idea.

(*cough*)

>>LOOK AROUND ROOM

While looking around this strange room, you clumsily bump your head on a cabinet.


>>CURSE CABINET MAKERS

You curse at the cabinet makers at the top of your lungs. If they can hear you, they chose not to respond. Either that, or they're approaching you right now. You hear footsteps approaching.

>>HIDE BEHIND CRATES

You duck behind the crates, and just in the nick of time. Two figures, wearing white robes and tool belts, enter from the WEST.

>>ASK FOR POTATO

[edit] curses!

Both men lock their eyes upon you and one reaches for a potato and hurls it at you with frightening speed. Cornered behind the crates, you have little choice but to use your crowbar as a lightsaber.

>>DEFLECT POTATO WITH CROWBAR

The crowbar slices the potato clean in half, causing one half to drop into your free hand, and the other to splat against the wall behind you. You raise your eyes to the two newcomers.

>>ADVANCE ON POTENTIAL FOES

The potential foes draw guns, thereby transforming from potential foes to definite foes.

>>MODIFY COURAGE ATTRIBUTE USING JACK DANIELS

(Guys, don't forget that you don't have to give an action directly from what you said happened from the last one.)

With your newfound swagger, you approach your two assailants calmly and introduce yourself. They don't make any sounds other than heavy laborious breathing.

>>Show them the pamphlet

Nothing happens.

>> Say "<swear word>"

Impressed by your ability to pronounce angle brackets, the robed pair lower their weapons and greet you.

"<<<<><><>><<><<>>>>><<<>!" they say.

>>SMILE AND NOD

Smiling, you continue to speak in brackets. They introduce themselves as "<<<><><<>" and the slightly taller ">><"
They appear friendly, but make it known that they are well armed with potatoes and carpentry tools.

>>LOOK AROUND THE ROOM

While studying the room, you notice a large grate you hadn't noticed before.

>>LOOK AT GRATE

The grate is made of a nice, hard steel. A small glimmer in the darkness beyond the grate catches your eye; however, you can't make out what it is.

>>LOOK AT <<<><><<> AND >><.

You look at your potato wielding companions. >>< catches your eye and winks.

>>TOUCH >><

Your hand goes right through him!

"We're actually holograms." >>< says.

>> OPEN GRATE WITH CROWBAR

After a decent amount of force, the grate gives way and clangs to the ground.

>> INSPECT GLIMMERING OBJECT
This is the best interactive thread ever, Geb. It's simple, yet has a lot of potential to be awesome.

You reach into the space behind the now-absent grate, and pull out a diamond the size of your fist. It passes inspection. You place a sticker on it and put it into your pocket.

>>DROP FIERCE HANGOVER

Yes, Murphy has this item. Refer to the last paragraph of Geb's description.

You can't drop that.

>>OPEN SHIPPING CRATE WITH CROWBAR

A young woman only 15 years of age is curled up in the crate, frozen stiff. It appears she's been cryogenically frozen. On her arm it reads ">>|<<." The crate overflows with dry ice. A panel of switches and buttons labeled in the bracket language rises from the vapor. The others reach into their tool belts for potatoes...

>>PRESS THE ><><><>>><>< BUTTON

The lady vapourises in a flash. Her flesh burns away (in that way the extreme cold does) and her skeletal remains look up at you. upon closer inspection of the remains (which are quite quite gross) you find a shiny metal object that you infer she must have digested...

>> INSPECT SHINY THING

The shiny metal object in her insides turns out to be nothing more than a metal box with a big, red button in the center. Choosing wisely to avoid pressing the button until more is known about what it does, you take it and store it away.

>>TAKE SHINY METAL OBJECT

You put the box away. A potato whizzes past your head.

>>SCREAM LIKE A GIRL

Time to run. Run screaming a little girl. You dive down the now-open grate and emerge into a sewer. Screaming like a little girl.

>> LOOK AROUND, SCREAMING.

The sewer screams back at you. Eventually, you stop screaming. You're no match for the sewer in a screaming match. It's much bigger than you are. Content with its victory, the sewer stops screaming as well. But you do see a locked door to the NORTH, and a lever next to it.

>>LOOK FOR POTATO