I am having a horrible time.

If any of you recall, I had a couple of threads about three months back about this crazy girl I was dating for a year, and it ended very badly and there were police involved and what have you.

Well, we ended up getting back together for about a month, totally in secret from everyone else in our lives because we knew everyone would be totally up in arms about it because of all the bad things we put each other through previously. To make a long story short, I couldn't live the lie so I told all of my friends and family, and they were pretty angry. I lost a lot of good friends because they thought I was stupid and hopeless and what have you. I was frustrated that they wouldn't accept that I am an adult and can make my own choices, and that they would reject me like that so I turned my back on all of them. I used the faulty logic that said "screw them, if this girl and I can work things out after everything that happened, we can get through anything."

Unfortunately she didn't feel the same way and dumped me after a month of being back together. It hurt, a lot. To make matters worse, she used the line "I just need to a break and to sort my head out and we'll see where that goes" to do the break up, and I believed her. Well, a week later she comes to tell me that she's engaged to one of her old high school friends and they are getting married in March. Holy crap. This was all at the end of August.

Two months later, I am still hurting and I just don't know what to do. I have tried to rebuild the relationships with my friends but they feel shallow and forced, and to make matters worse I can't stop thinking about her. I want her out of my head, and I don't know what to do. I've gone out with a couple of other girls but none of that went anywhere. I hate this, I have no motivation to do anything and I'm just miserable.

I need advice. I know I'm not the only one who's ever made bad decisions and lost their entire social life. What can I do, massassi?

Time. Lots of it.

this.

also rebuilding friendships and trust takes time as well. i dont think your going to find a quick fix. in the meantime find something you really enjoy and immerse yourself in it, if its something constructive all the better.

Don't forget that whilst you ARE and adult, you CAN make your own decisions that doesn't mean you can't be wrong.

Your friends will forgive your mistakes given time. Also, forget about the crazy crack whore - hopefully the high school friend will realise she's bat-s*** crazy and dump her before he makes it legal...

Are you the guy whose girlfriend called the police so she could get her stuff back, and they handcuffed you and let her take random stuff from your apartment?

I'd do the same thing your friends have done, kick you in the head for not taking our advice.

As was said before, it's going to take time. There's no quick fix. Just keep in mind that you're better off in the long run without her no matter how much it hurts right now.

Holy ****, all your friends are acting like serious babies if they severed their ties with you just because of that.

serious babies

best of luck, manno

I think you should confess to everyone who is extremely disappointed with you that yes, you did indeed make a serious mistake and were a moron to ignore their advice, but that regardless of what happened you really need their help at this point and if they still care about you they should support you and not turn their backs on you. You'll have to deepthroat swallow your pride though.

This.

You have some whack friends...and family. Seriously. They all quit on you because you made a stupid decision? If they were real friends, they'd be up in your face AFTER you got dumped..again and proving how much of an idiot you were. Then they'd get a beer or six with you.

Why are they all butt-hurt anyway? You were the idiot, not them.

Wow you're dumb.

fishstickz, love is a blinding thing. The best outcome of relationships is when you find two people that understand that it is, and can see past the blindfold. He isn't dumb about the matter, at least not anymore. He's just living what the majority of people go through in relationships.

In the meantime, intense emotional feelings take time to heal, as Mr. Boy of Green suggest.

Then again, no one follows advice. I doubt Darth J will, as he demonstrated with ignoring his friends and families advice to not take the girl back. He just needs a place to vent. Which is fine. All will learn their own way.

I talk too much.

Spend lots of time with your friends, try to have the best times with them you can as friends, and that will hopefully take your mind off this girl and let your scars heal. If you can, remain single for now, because every girl you go out with now, you'll be looking for that girl in them and it won't work out with anyone until you get over her.

IMHO.

Many might disagree with me here, but I question the value of a friend who will turn his back on you because he doesn't like your choice in girlfriend.
I mean, theres one friend of mine who's girlfriend I absolutely cannot stand, I can;t believe he's with her and, -well I could go on for pages- BUT the point is, I'm still his friend.
Love is blind, love is deaf, love is freaking moronic, but it's also one of the most powerful things in this universe. To turn someone away because of who he loves seems so very wrong to me (though there are exceptions)


I'm not saying never talk to those friends again, but I wouldn't consider them that close personally because of how readily they turned against you.
But then, I don't know the full story, nobody will ever know the full truth of it but you, and even then it will take a long time to realize it.

I guess you just have to chalk this up to life experience. Stuff happens, some of it good, some of it bad, some of it completely catastrophic. All you can do is try and learn from mistakes (and not just your mistakes) and move on.

As others have said, this will take time, a lot of time, and be prepared to hear a lot of "I told you so"s

Would you really want to hang out with the guy who gets the cops called on him and gets hit by his girlfriend. Like, seriously, I'd avoid them for my safety.

Also, what dalf said. Still, she's ****in bat**** insane and needs to be put down for all of our safety. Or severely medicated.

You've made stupid choices and stupid mistakes, and I don't feel sorry for you.

Here's my advice: Since you're obviously stupid, whatever would be your natural, instinctive response to a tough decision or situation, do the opposite. Obviously, following your own train of logic hasn't been working.

Avoiding for safety isn't the same as turning your back on him though

Steven, doing the opposite of what my instincts told me all along is exactly what got me to where I am now.

Well, then... You know what to do.

Sounds like she wasn't worth the time. And I'm not just throwing you a line. It's not necessarily like she's an awful person, but if you weren't good for each other then you just weren't.

My advice, take the time to look at yourself, what you want to be, where you want to go, then do it. The best advice I ever got after was a bad breakup was from my older brother. To paraphrase, he basically said that if I wanted to find someone wonderful I needed to become someone wonderful and forget about the 'hunt'. So I did. I spent time focusing only on making my life what it should be. I went on dates here and there, but nothing special. 6 months later my future wife walked into my life. I wasn't even looking, I was just being the kind of person that would be what she needed, and vice versa.

Trust me. Work on making your own life what it should be. That's what will make you happy. A girlfriend/fiance/wife can only add to that - they can't create it for you.

Best of luck dude!

Well said. Very sound advice.

Tazz, your brother is a smart man, and I envy you. My brother is 25 years old and has never had a girlfriend.

I want a grillfriend.

Fail.

You sir, are a moron. I had your back after the first debacle with her...

As they say "Fool you once, shame on them. Fool you twice, shame on you."

don't sweat it, 3rd time should be a charm

get over the dumb whore.

That sounds almost exactly like my last 2-3 breakups. My advice to you is to go out with your friends & have a good time as much as possible. Date as many girls as possible. There's nothing like a new girl to get you over the old one.

exactly

Why were u with her to begin with! Jeez! Jesus! JEBUS!

if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}

you know, as cold as it may sound... you can't really blame your friends for not supporting you in all this, and the best way to get your social life in order is to figure yourself out before you try to figure out your social life. What was it about this (ridiculously crazy) chick that you so desperately needed in your life?

Once you know more about what your missing and why she filled that, then you can start rebuilding friendships. You can be honest with your friends about why you felt you needed to go back to her. Maybe once they've seen you think long and hard about all of it, they'll think better of you.

chin up though! you'll figure it out!

I'm guessing Darth J isn't stupid, I bet he just got real horny and she was still around, so instinctively he went for it, because his guy hormones made him subconsciously realize that he hadn't invaded anyone's forbidden fortress with his netherspear in a while.

I was actually very much in love with her and her family, and she came back to me and told me she really loved me and didn't want throw it all away over something that escalated ridiculously out of proportion. She told me I was the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, and I foolishly bought into it. So it was a combination of stupidity and my faith that if to people are really meant to be together, they can overcome any trial that they are faced with. And we did, and then she left. At least she left me a he'll of a lot better off than I was, because before there was a restraining order and everything. I got out with a clean slate this time, so no, I don't feel I made a bad decision in trying again.