Is there a way to tell if a cell phone is being used in my house? My wife took away my stepdaughter's cell but in the past when this happened she had her friends buying them for her. She's 15 and in way too much trouble. I have the feeling she is using one from her room to text message people. Obviously since she's a teenage girl I can't just barge in and check, so I'm wondering if there's some way to detect whether a cell is being used. For example, some meter or something. Any ideas? I tried searching google but all the results I can find have to do with whether your phone is being tapped. I don't want to read / hear what she's doing, just whether one is in use.

Well, I know there are devices that block cell phone communication in a certain vicinity, but I don't think you need that?

Couldn't you somehow cancel her account?

I wish my friends bought me phones

You and your wife need to barge into her room and search it. Seriously.

Devices that snoop traffic over cellular networks even simply to detect that traffic is occurring probably infringe on FCC regulations.

That said, if it's GSM you could simply put a standard powered speaker with some volume near her room and hear GSM buzz when the phone receives a signal.

Maybe they're prepaid phones?

I was thinking this.

I'd go with a limited range cell blocker, or sheetmetal up her room

Just search for a cell phone when she's out.

you obviously have no understanding whatsoever of American teenage girls. You think she'd seriously leave it at home and not have it on her person at all times? Seriously?



If her friends are possibly GIVING her phones, they are not going to be attached to any plan brian will have control over. The possibility that that they are even "post paid" phones would be slim to none, but with kids and the ability to add a phone to your plan for around $10 on almost every carrier, you never know.

DX has all kinds of cell phone blockers... however iirc any blocking/jamming device of any kind is against fcc regulations:

$29.11
$29.89
$83.11
$75.78

In terms of simply detecting if a cell is in use, I think any amplified speaker with unshielded wiring near her room would pick up activity. She COULD of course be using Skype or some other form of IP telephony, in which case I'd just be a damn proud stepfather.

What's the point of a mobile phone when it's not mobile?

Isn't this the same woman that we already established was bat**** insane?

You ever had a computer or speaker on, and just before a cell phone receives a text message or phone call (about a 2-5 second delay right before it goes off ringing) there is this weird buzzing noise that will come from the speakers?

Put one of those right near her bedroom, every time the cell phone goes off it'll make that sound and it can't be anything else since it has something to do with the cell phone's signal (I can't find an explanation nor am I willing to provide one).

I obviously don't know the history here, but I would think that it would simply be better to simply ask her, treat her like a young lady, whether or not she is & just take her word for it. If you guys feel like you have to go to these type of extremes in dealings with your daughter, it's probably a good idea to go to make an appointment for family therapy. Again, I obviously don't know the history here.

I was horrible when I was a teenager & there wasn't much that anyone could do about it. I was put in jail, kicked out when I was 17, etc. My parents eventually excepted me for the ******* that I am & we've gotten along pretty good since. I eventually decided to turn my life around on my own, went to college, got a decent job, got married & the rest is history.

That was my first thought too, if you are wanting to "catch her in the act". Although I told newer Verizon/AT&T phones don't do this. A powered speaker with unshielded cable within about 10 feet of the phone's location would be a noisy alarm.

I like this suggestion, there are no laws preventing you from building a Faraday cage in your house.

If you're paying for the line, couldn't you call in and just have it suspended? I worked at T-Mobile for awhile and a good number of the calls were about this. There is also a way to check current usage through the website...but again this is T-Mobile. But yeah...putting suspend on a line was great because immediately you'd hear the teenager that shouldn't have the phone come out screaming that their phone isn't working.

We've tried this. She got her cell taken away the very first time because she ran up thousands of minutes, she was talking all the time, during school, mostly at night, her calls were all 4-5 hours starting at 10PM... then of course she gets really grumpy in the morning and treats her brothers and her parents like crap because she was only getting ~3 hours of sleep a night. We finally took it away and her boyfriend bought her another phone. We started suspecting she had another phone because of the speaker buzzes (she was carrying it around with her). She of course denied everything and I'm not about to search her. We eventually caught her because she was text messaging in the back seat of the car. She's a really terrible liar and really terrible at hiding stuff.

The cell phone blocker thing actually seems like a good idea, although if it blankets the whole house that would interfere with my phone as well.

Maybe you can borrow one of those devices that test for microwave leaks? I think cellphones use a frequency similar enough to microwave ovens that you'd be able to see it with that.

I have a miniature santa hat that you can put on a phone and the bobble lights up when it rings. So clearly it's quite easy to detect the signals. Just get a more powerful version of the same kind of thing.

And we put these on our head

Maybe you could just turn it on after like 10pm and then turn it off again in the morning? Unless your job demands 24hr access to your cellphone.

So... Sorry if I've missed something, but who's actually paying for her telephone bill?

Its pretty obvious. He just said that he and his wife took her cellphone away, and is suspicious that other kids are giving her prepaid phones for her to text and call them. So for one people:

A.- Brian cannot cancel a phone that isnt under his plan

B.- The mystery phone in question is probably a prepaid trac phone or go phone or voda phone or what have you that her friends pitched in and purchased for her, to which brian has confirned to be the case.

Or she probably doesn't have a phone or is using a different method of communication.

VOIP or IP-Telephony would be pretty easy to stop, so I don't think so.

If she's out of line and effing up in school because of this, absolutely barge into her room and search her person or whatever else you need to do to find out what's up. You owe it to her future.

Act like child = get treated like child.

Guys, he's not asking for bad parenting advice.

Yep lots of parents here offering advice

But without our help how can he reach his maximum bad parenting potential?

Well if she's using a prepaid phone at least you don't have to worry about her eating all your minutes... of course there's the whole bits about lying, having a cell phone when she's told not to, and talking at all hours of the night.

I second the idea of getting a cell phone blocker and turning it on at night. There are probably also gizmos that can detect cell signals or some such. If she hides a cell phone on her person around you, I think it's reasonable for you to carry one of those on yours whenever you're around her.

You can also try to force her to get more sleep on her own or face the consequences (being tired etc, those kind of consequences). Tell her you'll wake her up early in the morning every day (or sporadically, so she doesn't know whether you will or not the next day) and suggest she go to bed early enough so she gets enough sleep. Keep this up until you are satisfied she is well rested every day. Of course don't tell her when you stop so at least it'll work for a week more if you were doing it sporadically.

You can't really do much about other people getting her phones, but if it gets bad enough you can try talking to them directly and telling them not to get her phones. Depending on how reasonable they are this may or may not work.

If she tries to buy them herself with a credit card I assume you get the bill and can contact the appropriate phone company and cancel the phone or whatever.

Of course IANAParent but I've had some experience on the other end of the arrangement *shrug*.

If I were a stepfather I'd be cautious about asserting my authority in any of the above suggested borderline creepy ways.

hth.

At least she's not growing a garden.

I see what you did there.

Who knows if she is? We caught her sneaking her friend inside in the middle of the night, the kid stayed here (we actually caught her in the morning when she was leaving). The friend tells her parents she's staying over here, stays out all night with some dudes, and then shows up at 1AM and tries to sneak out before we notice. Then she lies her *** off, she still insists the girl didn't spend the night here even after we caught her and have tons of proof.

The worst thing is that we can't trust her with a CELL PHONE and now she's learning to drive. I told her mom we would be morons to let her continue learning how to operate a motor vehicle when she can't even be trusted to follow the rules with a cell phone -- at least with a cell phone you can't kill anyone, unlike a car.

Send her off to live with her father.

As a parent/step-parent it's my job to make sure she's raised right. Even if I fail, at least I tried. Her father isn't fit to be called that...

That's why mom needs to be involved too.

It's definitely hard to take a child who wasn't raised right and fix them, but you sound like you're committed to trying (and I definitely commend you for that.)

How does mom feel about all this? Is her opinion aligned with yours?


If so, I'd sit down with her and outline a 1-year plan to break your step-daughter down and build her back up again. Write it down and commit to it. Start with x y and z occurring, after 1 month of good behavior, give her this privilege back, after another month, give her that privilege back. If she violates your trust, start the count over from the beginning of that month. If she violates it a second time, start go back a month (etc).

Then sit your step daughter down and explain all of this to her. Explain to her why you're dissatisfied with her behavior, show her the plan, explain to her how it works. Have some sort of public record keeping system for what month she's on, how many days without a violation, etc. Hell, blog about it (I'm sure it'd be popular! And she'd never find out - I'm sure computer privs would be one of the last given back.. :p)

Basically, take away EVERYTHING from her. Her clothes, her posters, her music, take down the freaking door to her room. She can change her clothes in the bathroom. Start her with nothing.

And then the hardest part - don't make any excuses or cut any corners. If she's gone 4 months and 27 days without a "violation" and some big event is coming up, but she doesn't get x privilege that lets her do that until 5 months... say no, she can't go. It doesn't matter that it's 3 days away. Then she goes, and you take the door to her room away from her again.

I read something a while ago (tried to find it again but couldn't) about someone who did this - basically their daughter (behaving in a similar fashion) came home to find an empty room, save an air mattress and two sets of clothes. She was picked up from school and dropped off every day, and wasn't allowed to leave the house for anything. After a month, they gave her a real mattress back. After two months, a few more sets of clothes and let her leave the house once a week with the parents to go grocery shopping. And then after 3 months, they caught the daughter violating one of the rules, and back to the air mattress and no leaving the house.

This is what I would do if I landed in a situation like yours. Usually people punish on a per-incident basis (especially considering this girl's entire life is one giant 'incident'), which is a very negative form of correction. Instead, start with an extremely harsh and negative punishment, but then reward their good behavior with privileges and things they used to be able to do. It'll be a ****ty year for everyone, but hopefully by the end of it she'll act like a real human being, and eventually understand why you had to take such drastic measures.

Good luck, and keep us up to date.