Long story short, I've been dating my girlfriend for two and a half years, and I love her deeply and care for her with every fiber in my body. However, her dad was without work for a long period of time and her family might have to move north and not be able to afford staying in college, leaving her very stressed, worried, and sad for the last 6+ months. We progressively fought more and more often, and I would have to hold her while she cried more and more often, but I stuck through it because I love her and she really needed my support. Now that schools out she's working two jobs and her dad just moved with most of their furniture to Ohio so the stress continues. However, "the magic", the feelings of butterflies, total adoration and eagerness to see her have really dropped off during this time. I love her, but we're in a rut and I'm not happy anymore. I don't know what to do; will things get better again? Is this repairable? Is it based wholly on the circumstances? Does Massassi have similar stories or advice or any kind of thoughts on the matter at all?

In more detail, largely because I don't actually have someone to talk to about all this stuff, her dad left his very well paying managerial job to start a home business with her mom. The business was a terrible idea to begin with, and right as he left his job the economy started to worsen. They made no money and were unable to afford to continue living in their expensive house and make car payments, etc. Her dad finally gave up and looked for work in similar jobs to what he had before. He interviewed at countless places for jobs paying half as much, and continued to go without work for a year. My girlfriend (Let's call her Lauren) was sooo worried about not being able to afford their house and cars and school and her family having to move back to Ohio (we live in Florida) that she was often sad, irritable, and at all times stressed. As stated before, during school we hung out all the time, but gradually the joy and anticipation of going to see her often times would feel like an obligation, as often she'd cry or snap or just be sick. During our first year of college from the stress and eating terribly she also gained 30lbs. Fortunately the most noticeable changes occurred in her chest and butt, but I still find her a little less attractive than when we started our freshmen year, but then again I love her and that's rather shallow and I still think she's attractive and its a tough time for her.

Recently, she's been working two jobs during the summer (we live in the same town) while I have been unemployed. We have less time to see each other, we don't have a lot of money to be able to do nice things, and most of the time when I talk to her on the phone at night she's so tired that all she wants to do is sleep. Monday and Tuesday consisted of me helping her dad load a giant truck with most of their furniture so he can move to a smaller house in Ohio. Her mom is moving up when Lauren and I go back to school in August. We're still in a rut and I'm just not as happy as I used to be, but I really do love her; I just feel as if the romance is fading away.

Recently, I've been texting a girl who I used to know in high school, lets call her Emily. She was a freshmen in HS when I was a junior, and she had a crush on me but I though the age difference at the time was too much to even notice her. She is now soon to be 18 while I am 19 turning 20 in November. On the 4th of July she drunkenly (she had also just broken up with her boyfriend) texted me and said that if I visited her that we'd play strip poker. I politely declined but clearly she thinks I'm attractive. We've been texting back and forth and I've been really enjoying myself as she's a very entertaining person and we're able to joke about everything...just like Lauren and I used to. I feel really guilty to say it but I find her a lot better looking than my girlfriend, and I enjoy my conversations with her more. We didn't talk today at all, but on facebook she posted that she had a date tonight, and I felt jealous. Worse still is the fact that Lauren and I had an indoor "picnic" (it rained) tonight, and while holding her I thought of Emily. I've actually been thinking of Emily a lot lately. I don't want to fall for her, I just want Lauren and I to go back to how we used to be. I want to feel butterflies in my stomach again and to feel really excited to see her again and laugh and joke and enjoy myself with her. Am I an ******* because of this? I feel terrible.. Do I really like Emily or am I just dissatisfied with my relationship and wishing it was different? What should I do, if anything?

I've brought the subject up with Lauren a few times (leaving out the Emily story), about us being in a rut and me wanting things to get better like they were before. She's convinced its just because we see eachother less because she works so much, and that it will return to normal when we go back to school. I don't think that's the case. I'm considering explaining to her that I don't want to break up in any way shape or form, but that if we took some space to think about our relationship and hopefully miss eachother it would be good for us. I don't know what to do. This sucks.

wait so you're still in college? im so confused

so the long story SHORT would be that you are in tangles between your current lover and this emily because lauren is not so hot anymore (physically and mentally)

yet you have these strong feelings for lauren because you've been with her for a while and dont really want to cut it off with her even though theres the youthful emily in your picture too

well i think you might be "just dissatisfied with my relationship and wishing it was different"

answer:

well if you think things could get better then stay with lauren, you've been with her for a longer time and you know her more than anyone else does
you might be the glue thats keeping lauren together, is what i feel from what you read.

emily, well might be just looking for someone to comfort her as you said she just broke up with her boyfriend

have hope and stay strong!

I've finished my first year of college and am currently back in my home town for the summer.

That's a rather blunt way of saying it, but I guess so. The main thing is that we don't act the way that we used to before she started to really stress out about having so much on her plate.

but i mean think about it both ways man, would you be happy breaking up?
how would lauren be too?
she might not show it, but you being in her picture might help her keep going, someone she could always turn to you know

Most likely whatever you would be starting with Emily would be failing. If she just broke up with her boyfriend, then she'll be on and off with him 90% of the time behind your back. It's just the way it works (especially those years of college/high school.)

So think about it from THAT perspective, and think about what you might lose leaving Lauren. If you left Lauren, most likely you'd end up with nothing in a very short amount of time because Emily most likely wouldn't be committing to you. If you stick with Lauren, you at least have the chance of continuing what seemed to be a good relationship.

That's just kind of looking at it from probabilities :/

Damn, talk about a wall of text. Even your tl;dr is tl;dr

What you need to do is get yourself three microwaves...

Indeed, she's going through a lot right now, and breaking up with her would just crush her. I definitely wouldn't be happy breaking up with her though. What I want most of all is for our relationship to get back into the swing of things like it used to be, cause I'm not really happy now either.

Emily's ex moved up to Tallahassee, so I don't think she'd be going with him since it's an extended drive between there and here. Though I have considered that she may just be showing interest as a sort of rebound, which might be equally bad if I went after her.

I think you've got reason to be concerned about Emily's motivations. There's a solid chance that 1) she's interested because she just wants to be in a relationship and/or 2) she's interested because you already have a girlfriend.

microwaves? what?

I'm afraid I don't know the joke

I guess my references are getting a bit old :/

Refers to a thread similar to this where I described how to build a plasma gun, which would solve all relationship problems. Started off with "You need three microwaves"

Shameless bump

Here's the two best things you will ever hear/read about relationship advice:

1. This is MASSASSI, not grade A advice here, which kinda disqualifies my advice too I suppose.

2. YOU'RE NOT OLD! FIND SOMEONE BETTER! WHILE YOU CAN!!!!!

Have a threesome with Lauren and Emily. That will solve everything.

hit n quit.

works every time.

but seriously, emily's only attractive because it's a lot less baggage than what you're dealing with now. whether or not you want to continue dealing with that baggage is purely your choice. make a decision, and follow through with it.

This is what I'm thinking now.

KOP- I know, I know. Regardless, thanks for the feedback guys. I just don't have anyone who isn't somehow connected with both myself and Lauren that I can talk to about it.

Just follow my advice. Trust me, it will have a happy ending.

It's too late. She already knows that you're cheating. Might as well follow through.

I love you.

coin toss.

Things always pitfall before they look up.

If you break up with her and chase a new piece of ***, I'm almost positive her situation will become increasingly better within a month. Thats the way it always happens. Tough out things for right now, and just be as supportive as you possibly can be.

Why throw out something great for a shot in the dark? It sounds to me like your just caught in the situation and you can't see the value of what you currently have, because you've been in this ****storm for so long. Trust me, its worth every bit to stay with someone who really loves you, which it sounds like she does. She is just going through some serious issues right now, we all have our times.

Look at it this way, theres a ton of people who are single, and have no one, and would kill to have what you have now, even if it is rocky and not so picturesque. From someone looking from the outside of the situation, in, I say stick with it and find ways to renew the spark between you two. I would even suggest couples therapy. You never know.

That piece of *** your looking at might look good now, but it sounds like you've got something rock solid with your girlfriend that would be a serious mistake to throw out. **** happens, granted, but a great relationship will be dragged through the mud before it can shine. Keep that in mind.

This.

In my opinion, you'd be a dumbass to pussy out of it just for someone more convenient.

Gotta make a choice.

Well I'm pleased to see that the relationship advice in massassi seems to have matured somewhat over the years!!

I think the majority have got it right here; you're struggling in a slump, but as you mention repeatedly you do still love your girlfriend. You wouldn't be staying in the relationship out of pity for her, you genuinely want to make it work. I would take her advice, stick it out until you're both back at school for a bit and the pressure is off her a little and see how it is then.

The one thing I would say though, as I have a friend who has recently gone through this (and it's still ongoing): sometimes, loving someone isn't enough. It sounds like at the moment you both want to fix the relationship, but if it comes to a point where you're both miserable and neither of you have the motivation to try to change it, then perhaps it would be time to think about moving on. But as long as you both feel like you're still in love and you want the same things out of life, then I think it's worth a shot.