“Here is one for you to consider,” said Master Lu to Acolyte Wei. “Would it be better to own a stopped clock, or a clock that is one second too slow?”

“I would imagine that the slow clock would be preferable for obvious reasons,” replied the acolyte.

“Ah,” said the master, “but while the slow clock is always wrong, the stopped clock is right twice a day.”

“But the slow clock is slow by such an insignificant amount of time that it is basically as good as an accurate clock,” said Wei. “And anyway, how would you be able to tell when exactly the stopped clock was right?”

Master Lu contemplated this for a moment, and then got up to leave.

“Where are you going?” asked Acolyte Wei.

“I have to go try and get my old clock back,” the master replied.

hey master lu is a foo'

One evening, Acolyte Wei came bounding into Master Lu’s quarters.

“Master Lu!” shouted the panicked acolyte. “You must come quickly! There is trouble at the old mill!”

The master opened one eye and enquired, “What is it?”

Acolyte Wei replied: “A building in which grain is ground into flour or meal.”

Master Lu, content with this answer, returned to his meditation. The mill burned down and seven mill workers lost their lives.

Acolyte Wei inquired of Master Lu, “Could the Buddha create a rock so heavy that even he could not lift it?”

Master Lu replied, “No. The Buddha cannot create rocks. Next question.”

Two Zen monks were travelling. They came to a ford of a stream that was running high, and the current was strong and frightening looking.

An attractive young lady was standing at the ford, looking nervous. She clearly was afraid to cross, but had an important reason to go.

Without a word, the older of the two monks lifted her in his arms and waded across the stream, and placed her safely on the far bank.

The younger monk looked shocked at this action, but kept his silence for quite some number of miles as they continued their journey.

Finally, he blurted out “You know that it is against the rules of our order to have any contact with women. How could you do that?”.

The older monk replied “Yeah, but did you see her ***?”

That is not how I remember it ending.

The older monk replied, "I left her at the stream. Why do you still carry her with you?"