For all those on the left side of The Pond, help us understand the British political parties
I'll help by explaining America's parties in my bitter, jaded viewpoint. All right, here it goes.
Republicans: Filled with a bunch of neo-conservatives that have abandoned all principles of fiscal responsibilites and making government more efficient/smaller and in its place left bible-thumpers,
people who want to kick out the brown people, and Sarah Palin. Any given state can be in a
financial shït-hole with mounds of problems but it is an absolute victory if we can make sure them gays cannot marry, bah gawd and bah Jesis. Yet people like these proclaim they are the party of Lincoln, Reagan, and admire the Founding Fathers who are all probably trying to commit undead suicide because of them. Oh. They like to start wars at a whim because they're bored or some shìt or have daddy issues. Seriously, go kill a deer or something. Leave the other nations alone, damnit!
Democrats: The solution to everything is throw money at it. Schools underperforming? Throw money at it! Health-care sucks? Throw money at it! When the money runs out, they simply turn to all of the businesses in the governing boundaries...until said businesses say "fück this place, costs too damn much" and leave city/county/state/nation/world/Local Group. Leaving said governing body with less tax revenue. The Democratic Party is filled with a bunch of well-renown politicians such as Barbara Streisand, Alec Baldwin, that dude from U2, Micheal Moore, and Marin County, California. Some of the Democrats actually demonstrate some sense of fiscal responsibility by Legalization and reducing the size of government by allow you to do whatever and whomever the fück you want in your own damn house so long as you don't hurt anyone. However, there are still a sizable chunk of those who are crackpots that think we are the single greatest fück-ups of the last 234 years and everything is Our Fault (TM). I get it, we
screwed up on some things. We're sorry (some of us are). It's done. It's old hat. Move ON (dot org) all ready!
Libertarians: One of America's "Third Parties" who, like the Reform Party of the 90s, think...or thought that they are going to defeat one of the major parties. These guys are basically nigh close to anarchists but actually get
some attention because they don't dress like hipsters/emo punks.
Green: You are a heathen and an atrocity if you use wood for a small fire, drive a car, or fart because you're polluting the air. Don't let women who follow this party fool you on looks. They don't believe in razors. Ew.
American Independent: Look up the John Birch Society. These guys are them no ifs and/or buts.
Whig: The only American 3rd Party that actually got somewhere in national elections. They don't exist anymore except for historical reenactments since they died away in 1856 and only existed to piss off Andrew Jackson.
And that's about all I know about the Third Parties. The rest are too obscure to even care about. So, does my explanation of our parties help you out, Brits?