Shtt people! I found out taht i haev a kid! Like serios. Sdo i went to get some beer. Beccause i have no id ea howt o explain it to my gf or parents.

Hes' 7yo and i just found out

I'm in deep poop mans.

Well that sucks.

OH SNAP

/comforts

come clean as soon as possible—it'll be best for everyone involved. Difficult as ****, yes, but definitely the best course of action.

Do you get to name him?

Or can you not do that like you do with strange dogs that show up on your door.

ok, so after looking at 5 of your posts, I just figured out it's a sig.

hush.

did you haev to remind me?

o hwell more beer

are you sure you're the father?

wait till you've had a few more beers (like 10) and then tell your girlfriend.

<@Baconfish> is it yours? O_o
<+K-V^> 99% sure
<+K-V^> unelss she was virgin mary

Is the kids name Jesus?

No its not.

Wait what tje hell it's thrusday?
oh crap oh crap ohc rap

i need to got o work in 8 hours.

First let me say congratulations, and I mean that, I think in time you will see this as a good thing, even though right now such a thought seems impossible.
Now, why is she telling you? Since it's been 7 years already I doubt it's about money, perhaps she has felt guilty for not letting you know, perhaps she's wanted to tell you all this time but never been able to bring herself to do so.
Maybe she just wants you to know, in case you want to do something, and if you don't she'll be ok.
Or maybe she wants you involved, even just at a small level, maybe she just wants you to meet the kid, or hang out with him/her from time to time.
There's just so many possibilities at the moment, but I know this is not a situation that can be handled drunk.
As far as telling your parents and girlfriend is concerned, I don't think you need to worry so much. Sure it'll be hard bringing it up, but it's not like you're going to be judged greatly for it (surely?), and I think your parents at least will probably be happy to hear they have a grandchild.
The girlfriend is a trickier one, because she might become jealous, or concerned about the relationship. She might get concerned if you don't want to hang out with the kid, too.

Step one is to find out what the mother wants, and try and deal with it calmly. Then there's the next big question: what do YOU want?
Don't worry about money, or judgement from friends and family, forget all that crap and think: you have a kid, do you want to meet him/her? get to know them? pretend they don't exist? Help them? Not help them?
She has given you this information and it seems like the ball is in your court now, so take some time and think about just how you feel.

Nobody's noticing every post is edited by MB...? Or is everyone just playing along?

It's his signature, isn't it? Also, Deadman has a good post.

mb edits every one of Petri's posts at 10:55 AM.

dude, don't bother read any of the posts in the thread or anything, where I talk about it took me a while to figure it out and I felt like a dummie head.

need help needs help

He's awfully pale.

It's probably because he's so nervous.

That picture reminds me though, I need to shave my pubs tonight.

My advice: Have another drink.

he;los io am not druink why are you acsusing me?

Hmm. Well I guess I'm drunk-ish now. Thank God I can get drunk on weekdays instead of having to support (and be a role model for) a child.

oh no he did-ent!

Shave my tavern too.

That's what she said!

and then she got pregnant

kust checking in to say im extremely wasted. Not on beer though because beer is for people who love eeberr

Ha! I guess it wasn't so hard after all...

By which I mean it was.

and then it wasn't

Wait a minute, I'm 7!

OH MY ****DAR***SCH*****ER

You have actual proof the kid is yours. You got a paternity test and what not.

Down goes third beer. 21 more to go.

[cartmen]god-damnit[/cartmen]