I know that the Massassi forums should not be a place for announcing personal problems, but they say sometimes strangers make great listeners. My wife is going to file for a divorce after being together now for 22 years. What sparked the occurrence was because I didnt want this little dog to be in our possesion. We have already 3 cats, a caged parakeet (poor *******, I should free 'em) and aquarium with a few fish, which are not considered pets by me and are not an issue.

The real issue is that I for a change decided to defend my personal feelings and voiced my opinion, and took matters into my own hands. The dog belonged to my Sons Girlfriend and she had it for like 6-7 years, and very attached to it, which I understand, Im attached to our cats, and they rule this house when it comes to other invading animals. She brought the dog into their apartment where they live for about almost a year now and are fearing that they could be evicted if the landlord discovered their animal.

I understand that part to, but she had the goddamn ugly mut already for a year in their apartment and nothing happened. Last week My Son and his Girlfriend brought this ugly ass dog (Im sorry but I dont like it) to our house and asked my wife and I if she could leave it with us permanently. Of course my Wife said yes and I disagreed and said Im not crazy about it and we have 3 adult cats already in our lovely 1900 sq. ft. Home.

We have already in past had babysitted this damn dog before and it kept me up for almost the whole night, it was wining and howling for its master, its a pathetic sound. Anyway I dont wont bore anyone here any longer, but my Son and his Girlfriend left the dog here anyway despite my disapproval and after 2 days I told my Son to come and get this ****ing thing out of my house. I was feeling like I have been imposed upon and taken advantaged of, because alot of times before I have let alot of people take advantage of me.

I stood my ground and I my wife had a huge nasty argument about this matter and it probably made the situation worse. She said that Im very Selfish and I need to shut up and accept anything that is allowed by her that comes into our house. You can see who wears the Iron clad pants in this relationship, and after all she is from Germany which I forgot to announce. That following night my Son came back without any resentment and had taken back the Dog, I think he doesnt like the little **** either. The next day my wife had discovered that the little dog is back with her owner and my wife really went ballistic this time.

She left me a sticky note on my Monitor saying "I am going to file for a divorce" I have never physically or verbally mistreated her and I have tried to keep our household financially stable even though she earns more than me. I still love my Son and I still like his primadonna girlfriend, and now I feel like a worthless son of a *****. I am now paying the consequences for defending my thoughts and feelings. And I am sorry for creating such a long thread and boring anybody who reads this, but I felt like writing this.



p.s. Its a good thing I have this little room in our house to hide out in, but Im going to miss my house and the big property that it comes with.:(:(:(

Firstly, sorry man. Secondly, DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE, no matter what she says. Certainly, you should try to repair the relationship. There is obviously more at issue than the little dog. However, if, as unfortunate as it may be, it does in divorce, the act of you leaving the house is a big step toward her taking more of the property and assets.

Dan, it sounds like there have to be other big problems for such a small animal to have caused such a big outcome. From what you wrote, I see your point of view and you seem to be mostly right. It's quite possible that you didn't handle is as tactfully as possible, men our age can start to lose some restraint. Short of talking with you one on one I would have to suggest counseling.

Yeah your right about that wookie, and the real issue is that she is always the good guy and Im always the bad guy in our little quarrels. I guess she wants me out of her life because I am selfish and self centered according to my wife, and its a damn shame that a little thing like this will wreck a relationship.

It's been my experience that "little things like this" aren't what wreck a relationship, but it's the "little things like this" that end up being the straw that break the camel's back.

I'm guessing she's not telling you what's really been bothering her, and that whatever "it" is, it's been bothering her for some time.

And yeah, like Wookiee said, get counseling. Either with or without her.

We have been going through alot of stress lately, our house is in danger of being forclosed, Im only working part time and my wifes income has been also reduced, and we almost had a divorce about a year and a half ago because of alot of little things that were stressing us about. Like Chewbubba said its the straw that broke the camels back. I did come up with a solution for my Son and his Girlfriends problem though. Im going to ask them to move back into to our house with that pathetic little dog and I will take up residence else where, I might be able to find a studio or something like that. I think I want to get away from my wife anyway.

edit: My wife is starting to go through menopause now do you think that this may also be a factor?

I advise against this; if/when it comes time for legal proceedings, the word "abandonment" will arise and cause you much grief.

Funny, I was going to include her age when I talked about ours. Of course her menopause could be a factor.

But I just want to do my Son a favor so that he can move back in the house with his Girlfriend and he can continue to back to College. I could still live here, but I think the Love between I and my Wife is fading, I think I need to go. There wont be no Child support because he is older than 18 and he is my only child. Alimony is the thing Im worried about.

She makes more than you. How much are you going to try to get?

Despite the things going on now I guess being in our forties is a pretty good thing. I dont want to deviate from the topic, but I used to dread my forties and now I love it, despite going through a divorce now.

Probably nothing, since she is going to file the divorce it might end up me having to pay, but if I dont thats good. I think that she should keep the house because my Son may need to move back in and he could help with paying cheaper rent and also he can continue his education. Im all for that, but my wife wants me out.

Sounds like you're both at fault.

You know I really cannot argue with that, we are both guilty of this sitution, she is self righteous and feeling overly victimized and I admit I may be a little selfish and too territorial. You are absolutely correct.

What you should have been saying all along is 'I'm Sorry', even when you didn't mean. It might be too late now, but someone else can learn from it. If it helps, just tell yourself "I'm sorry I did it, not because I was wrong or what I did wasn't right, but because it made her upset."


Just... don't tell her that.

Me like that!

We got married because we were stupid. In 20 years when my wife and I get divorced, the reason won't be "we fell out of love," it will be "we fell out of stupid."

Anyway Here is our humble abode in Southwestern Utah. Its been 10 years now since we moved in.

I am sorry. How do things look for it working out? You seem almost relieved but I may just be reading your post wrong.

Dude if you do move out, move up to Salt Lake and we can get ****ed up and wake up in a gutter.

It'll be a grand time.

Thats a good philosophy if thats the right term Im using. I hope that you and your Bride will stay together and get old with each other.

hahahaha! I love it! maybe I'll go up to Salt Lake and look you up. Do you know alot of good bars up there?

Wow, nice pad. My house is tiny and it sucks.

Theres only so many to know dude. Though I'm afraid I am once again crashing at my parents house. Thus I cannot offer a place to stay.

Love fades as you let it (and I'm not blaming you, although you are 50% to blame ). You obviously know how she feels - I guess I'm saying if you want to salvage the marriage, it's going to be up to you. I've seen worse situations resolve and flourish.

Thanks Chewbubba, dont worry you might become a little more prosperous some day and get your dream pad, this may be the last I'll have a place like this, unless I get to score a rich Lady some day

What I predict may happen (and your right Im 50% guilty) that we need to seperate for some time and come back and fall in love with each other again, I may be wrong but some German Women can hold a grudge for a long time, but German ladys are human to.

I'm probably not one of the best people to give advice since I've only been married for a year and a half, but it seems as though shes the selfish one in that. She said yes to a pretty big decision without discussing it with you first and without even thinking of how you would feel. Growing up I had tons of pets and I know how time and money consuming they could be, so I understand why you were reluctant to not want to keep a dog you don't even like. If you do want to salvage the relationship you should probably try to talk to her about things and not just let it go. If you do that and she still wants to go through with the divorce then at least you can say you tried to work things through with her and she just wasn't having it. Other than that, I'm really sorry about your situation.

Your advice Andrea was probably one of the best I have seen yet, and coming from a woman I am glad you see it my way. I am still at fault and my wife is also at fault to. My wife has never analyzed my feelings on certain subjects, she thinks that I need to remain compliant on things that interrupt our household. She is of course 3 years older than me and was previously married when she was in her early 20's

My initial impression is that your wife thought she married a pushover, and was terribly disappointed to find out she didn't. Her passive-aggressive approach to telling you she wanted a divorce only reinforces this impression.

I've had quite a bit to drink in the last few hours, so I'm not going to offer any concrete advice at this point. But I will say that you probably shouldn't rush to move out. There's nothing saying that you owe her control of the house just because the two of you can't get along. Assuming you both own the house, you're no more obligated to move out than she is.

On the other hand, she took the dog in to help your son. He is obviously attached to the dog; or at least attached to the woman who is attached to the dog. If he loves her, and knows she loves the dog, he'll want to deal with the dog in the way that best protects her. And if you love him, you'll do what best protects him. Your wife acted predictably to protect her son emotionally. Her mistake was not the action, but the attitude about it (Assuming you've conveyed everything accurately.) Instead of saying to you "Deal with it you selfish prick", she should have said "I understand you don't like the dog but it has nowhere else to go; we just need to keep it until we find a better solution to the problem." Then you could have entered a discussion and found that better solution. But this does not sound like a problem, it sounds like a symptom of a deeper problem. Ah, armchair relationship advice.

The biggest question is, why are you telling us how you feel, and not her?


Speaking of moving out, my in-laws do not appear at first glance to be the sort of couple you'd expect to still be together. According to my wife they tried separating once but neither was willing to be the one who moved out.

Good point Mike, also Im getting inebriated myself as well, the obvious thing to do when a person like me has an emotional time. Your advice is a good advice to and I want to apologize to you for my misunderstandings in previous threads. I wont let politics ruin a good relationship with fellow Massassians, its best to leave politics to oneself, besides if MacFarlane is your real Last name we have something in common, Im half Scottish and God Damn proud of it. Thanks Dude for your input.

I think that you should seek legal advice/representation. Good luck. I hope that everything works out for the best.

P.S. I'm not one to give advice on long-term relationships. However, if things don't work out & you find yourself back in the dating game, I'm your man (assuming that you're not looking for anything serious).

Hahahahahahahahahahaha

I find this sentence amusing, it sounds like your hitting on him.

Guess we think alike, congrats on beating me to it

I for one am not sure how it could be interpreted any other way.

Yeah, I suppose it does. Haha! Dan better hope that his wife doesn't see this thread.

Instead of divorce advice you should just give me tips on getting the ladies Mentat.

hahahahaha
I know what you mean, dont worry I know your not trying to hit up on me hehehe!

It's all about the art of manipulation. If that doesn't work there's always flunitrazepam.