Great article I read today on dealing with bullying. What do you think?

http://www.sebastianmarshall.com/?p=283

I hate this "zero tolerance" for fighting bull**** nowadays. In middle school I was repeated bullied by two kids that I could have easily beat the **** out of, but if i did I would have been suspended from school for two weeks and failed every assignment given during that time period.

I never stood up for myself because I was afraid of getting in trouble. As adults, we know that getting suspended from school in middle school or high school is meaningless. At the time, though, getting in trouble seems like a big deal.

In middle school, there was a kid who I was "friends" with who had some problems, and every once in a while he'd get into one of his moods and turn into a real bully-type *******. Well, one day he started whipping me with a tree branch, and wouldn't stop. I kicked him, he pushed me, and I tripped and hit my head on the concrete. I was knocked out for a minute and had a concussion. We both got equal in-school suspension, and they told me next time I should "just walk away".

Anyone who knows me should know that this is a very important incident to who I am today...I don't know if it caused it or is simply an early example of it, but pretty much this incident pisses me off to this day. I don't care at all about the other kid...that's life, that's middle school, this happens. But I will never stop hating those school administrators for the way they handled it.

I find that article to be very interesting, as I was involved in a nearly identical situation. In the third grade (8 years old) there was a kid named (coincidentally) Zac who used to pick on me. I was always the smallest kid in my grade, even smaller than the girls. He used to bully me around. I would come home with scrapes and bruises, torn clothing, pulled hair, hungry from having my lunch money stolen. The yard duty lady didn't seem to care.

One day, after several weeks of bullying, and half a dozen visits with the vice-principal, my dad told me just to punch the kid. His exact words: "Don't punch him in his stomach, he's too fat to feel it. Hit him in his big ugly nose." The next day, Zac pushed me down and tried to make me eat the sand. I pushed him off while the kids laughed. I stood up, looked up to him, swung my 8 year old fist and hit him right in the nose. He stood there, stupefied. After he realized what happened, he got mad and started to lunge after me, until one his friends said "Zac your nose is bleeding." He wiped his lip, and saw the blood. He bled and cried. I got suspended for three days. My dad took me to Disneyland one day and made me pancakes every morning. No one teased me anymore, except about me hitting them.

I hate the "flight instead of fight" mentality we have today. It's contrary to my nature. It's one of the things I am not looking forward to dealing with when I have children.

I once got punched by a retard (Actual retard, not just calling him names.) I didn't hit him back. I told the assistant principal who was standing right there the whole time. I got put in detention and forgotten about. One of my teachers three periods later wondered where I was and rescued me. I learned my lesson; next time I hit that retard back.

Even someone as timid as I had to kick an ass once or twice in school, of course most of the time I was on the receiving end. It's fairly common sense how to go about these things. Sometimes you go tell the teacher and it gets resolved, others you have to stand your ground.

I was once suspended from elementary school for a day because of a "fight" I got into with a girl. I was not always the wonderful specimen of athletic ability that I am today. In fact, during one recess everyone was picking teams for touch football. Slowly but surely the group waiting to be picked was trimmed down to me and one other kid and this tomboy butch bull dyke made some comment about us being terrible. I replied witch class, something along the lines of "**** off, *****." She ran over, tried to push me over backwards and I just stood there. I wasn't about to fight a girl. Then the whistles blew and teachers came running over. Boom. Suspension.

Well duh, you're a boy. Girls never start fights, everyone knew it was your fault.

So weird! In third grade I used to pick on some stupid kid named Steven who was a really scrawny. One day he punched me in the nose and I've spent the next 16 plotting my revenge...

I got punched in the face in the face by a gay kid once because he was sexually harrassing another boy and I told him to stop.

I laughed really hard and blood spilt everywhere.

True Story.

I think kids should be able to fight for themselves, the problem is, stupid ass kids bring weapons to school instead of fighting it out, and letting it go...

I actually managed to stay out of most fights during my pre-high school years. I did have a lot of interesting nicknames and heard a lot of dumb crap about me (mind you that I lived in a town where people thought staring at a computer was the same thing as staring at an open microwave for long) but I have to say I'm glad it never went further than that.

Oddly enough all those jackasses became drug addicts or other (mostly) petty criminals. Hum!

ha, talk it out. yeah, that works...

My mother gave me some advise when I was in school, she said "If anyone starts something and picks on you and bullies you, you've got one shot. Make it count".

It's true what the article says, they understand violence, and if you show you're willing to stand up to them, generally they see you as too much to bother with and move on.

I was never more proud of my nephews then when the youngest was being picked on by some older kids, my oldest nephew stood up for his brother and when they didn't stop, the two of them kicked the **** outta the other kids at least 2 years older then my eldest nephew.

the 3 kids that started it got a few black eyes and some bruises and my nephews got a few days off school, but they've never had any more problems from those kids since.

myself, I tend to use words before I result to violence, but I tend to try and sound witty and make them just sound like tards, it's surprisingly easy to get someone insulting you to sound like an idiot in front of other people, not insulting them per say, but verbally taking them down a notch.

even as an adult, I've never really been in a fight, been in plenty of situations that could escalate to a fight, but i'm pretty good at deescalating situations and having both parties just walk away. But even still, I'm not afraid to throw a punch to prove a point.

but that guys article also gives a bit of retarded advise, got into a fight with mafia guys? attacked his muggers? sure it worked out for him in those specific times, but it's something you have to learn to assess and decide if this is the right thing to do, exercise a little caution and some common sense.

Yeah dude, kicking a bull yin the crotch when you are 12 is a way better idea than doing spin kicks on tow muggers. Seriously.

Now there's definitely something to all that 'bullys are the kids with the worst life at home' stuff. Bullys do need help too. Kids don't just become mean little ****s, they have to learn that behavior. Feel sorry for them.

But, you can feel sorry for them and still not tolerate it. It's not on your kid to help that bully out. You absolutely have to look out for your children first, and, sorry bully; that means punching you in the face. Don't blame the bully. Punch them in the face, then apologize to them. And if they do it again, punch them in the face again, while telling them how much you wish you didn't have to punch them in the face.

I wasn't bullied until high school and the guy who did it was a Norteño and I didn't want to get murdered

I thought you lived in Santa Cruz or Watsonville or Monterey some ****, I didn't think you had Norte pricks up there (even though it's North lololololol)

No.

The big worry du jour is that the bullied kid will commit suicide.

I was picked on through elementary school and junior high. One day, this kid jumped off the bleachers by the door to our gym for class and tried to bulldog me down when I was in 8th grade. I shrugged him off and proceeded to give the most epic ass-whooping that school had ever seen. (At the time, people seemed to had forgotten that I was taking martial arts and wrestling and not to mention that despite my apparent easy-going demeanor, I was still 165 lbs and a farmboy.) It took 3 teachers to pull me off the kid. I only got a Saturday school because it was my first trip to the principal's office ever. This was pre-Columbine.

My freshman year, I gained a bit more confidence. One more guy wanted to fight me, he always wanted to meet somewhere after school. I preempted them by saying, "Why not right here? I don't mind a 5 day vacation. I'm right here, your right here, let's send you to the hospital and get it over with." He never bothered me again after that and a rumor started that I was psychotic.

It seems pretty clear to me that the desire to beat the absolute **** out of someone to teach them the lesson to never **** with you ever ****ing again is too much of an overreaction to feeling oppressed or bullied or "part of a society that doesn't let you fight back." I suspect there's a more rational middle ground somewhere, although I haven't tried yet to define it.

it really seems like the rational ground is to in fact fight back. bullying(sp?) is predatory, and like many predators a bully will almost always give up if the "victim" puts up a fight. they dont want to actually fight, they just want an easy target.