Any suggestions on kicking pigeons?

These wretched things in NYC are mocking me. Almost had incidents where I could have been hit in the face by these pigeon abominations. After a lifetime of eating discarded food scraps and drinking polluted street water, I'm guessing the brains of these birds have been saturated with enough potent chemicals that they have mental challenges in calculating basic flight trajectories.

I don't think it would be too hard. City pigeons have adapted to living with humans to the point these birds get in the way like little bloated obstacles. They have grown fat and lazy, and it appears they just don't care about predators anymore. Why would they. But of there is still an ounce of the fear of threats left somewhere in their disease-ridden brains.

I was thinking about just walking normally and slowly by one pigeon on the sidewalk. Then I would do a 90 degree turn and throw my foot into it. But do pigeons have a pronounced blindside? Behind? Their eyes bulged out of their skulls, so I'm guessing they have an extended vision of their surroundings.

How do I gain their trust?

Sounds like the campus squirrels on IU. The students feed them, they become fat and lazy and easy to run over in a car.

I like pigeons.

There was all kinds of squirrel problems at OSU

just have mb eat them

For 2 years from spring 2008 I never saw a crow fly. I saw plenty of crows though but they all just bounced and jumped around like crazy. Lazy bastards.

Crows aren't lazy, they're just really smart.

Hum, that might be true, since they always managed to bounce over the roads in time without getting splatted.

(And there was actual traffic instead of just a tractor and a mule)

You have my support. Short of using rocks or a firearm, I don't know how that would work... Perhaps bait them with something nasty and watch.

It really isn't that hard. In Seattle, I've accidentally walked into them before. They assume that you won't attack, so just walk normally near one and then attack.

Sounds like the ducks at my JC. You can literally walk up and pet them and they won't budge, let alone get your of your way. I'm so tempted to kick them every time I walk by because they like to herd in the middle of the walkways. They **** everywhere and they stink too.

1) Go to Tijuana Flats
2) get a to-go cup of the hottest sauce that you don't have to pay extra for
3) apply to breadcrumbs
4) feed to pigeons

This sounds like the best option. Or dump a bag of rice in the street. That'll show 'em.

I ran one over once, him and his buddy were chillin in the road and his buddy flew away but he just sat there and I heard a thud, I saw all feathers in my rear view mirror

I hit one with a golf ball once. A bunch of them were hanging out on the fairway, I hit a real nice shot, and it landed in the middle of them. They all flew away. All of them...but one.

You realise that's bollocks, right?

Of course it's true! Aren't all wives tales?

Hey, I <3 retrojunk too!

OH! you should scoop them up with lacrosse sticks and toss them around to each other!

A pigeon flew into my head on tuesday when I was on 43rd. They all decided to fly off a roof to the street while I happened to be walking by.

kick them into mbs face

so catapulting squirrels is bad but kicking pigeons is okay?

Meat.

so he eats them

I don't think avians have the same reactions to capsaicin that mammals have.

Nope, the majority of wild peppers are supposed to be spread because birds can eat them as they like and then **** the seeds everywhere.

because animal cruelty is cool

wtf is wrong with people

it's only cool if the animal isn't cute.

if we killed off the the pigeons we'd open a niche for the burrowing owl and the macaw and all of the other almost extinct birds that people say they care about

No way, have you seen Macaw ****?

Hey guys, what's the difference between a sunglass lens and a camouflage print?

Damn you retrojunk for ****blocking my image.

I don't know! What?

One is a practical tint and the other is a tactical print!

Out. Get OUT.

What's the difference between a waterfowl hunting lure and pier algae?

Mock duck/dock muck?

BOBBBBBBBBB you've done it~!

You know, I don't have a problem kicking pigeons. But if I saw two in an argument on the verge of a fight, I'd break that **** up.