I’m going to preface this with a few statements:
Firstly, I know I acted like an *******, over reacted to the situation and everyone involved is perfectly justified in being upset with me. I’m not denying any of that. I acted childish and selfish. I just want to know if my feelings about the situation are justified. Not the degree to which I expressed them, but the feelings at all.
Second, I have no problem with Pure Romance. I think its goal of educating women about their bodies and sexuality is laudable. Pairing this education with a sales pitch seems a bit sleazy, but then again how many ladies are there who would take a class that teaches what Pure Romance does? Of those willing, how many would be comfortable talking about the subject?
This brings me to my last preface statement. Pure Romance has a strict “No Men” policy during one of their demonstrations. I fully understand and accept this policy. Creating a safe and comfortable environment is crucial to discussing a topic as personal and sensitive as sex. Especially in a society that hasn’t quite gotten over its puritanical hang ups. Considering that many people have difficulty openly discussing sex with their partners, let alone a complete stranger, for those who are willing they must feel like they’re in a safe place to do so. There are parts of this policy I have issues with, but we’ll get into that later.
And now the story:
My wife and her best friend decided to host a Pure Romance party. Originally, the party was supposed to take place at the friend’s house(we’ll call her A), but due to logistics involving A’s children and more people RSVP’ing than anticipated, the party was moved to my house.
I am not one who enjoys parties, even of the regular sort. I was excited to sit this one out. All my other friends had plans already, so I just looked forward to some me time on my computer on the second floor while the girls had their fun downstairs. That is until the night before the party when I was informed that I wasn’t allowed to be in the house at all, and preferably off the property altogether.
Naturally, I was a little disappointed, but I took it in stride because some things had come up that day that I could take care of while the party was happening.
The party was scheduled to start at 7:30pm with the demonstrations beginning at 8, and was supposed to last around 2 hours. This was a Friday night and I work Saturday mornings at 9AM. I expected to be able to come home around 10-10:30ish so that I could get ready for bed at a reasonable hour.
So after work that day, I came home and gathered some things I would need on my errands. Then I did some last minute cleaning and made guacamole for the party while waiting for my wife to get home. After she did I helped put out some other hors d’oeuvres, put some recycling in my car and went off to leave the girls to have their fun.
I had my first irritation with this whole situation when I had to stop back home to drop off beer for a party attendee and pick up something which I hadn’t realized I needed before leaving. I had my wife put it on the front porch for me so I wouldn’t have to enter the house. I was then instructed to walk around the back of the house to grab it, and then walk back around the back of the house so that I wouldn’t pass by the window of the room the demonstration was happening in.
When I finished with my errands it was only about 9:30 so I headed to A’s house around the corner from mine to hang out with A’s husband until the end of the party. Around this time I started to get a migraine. I get these more infrequently than when I was younger, but when I do they tend to be pretty intense.
While I was there I drank my first (and last >.<) 4loko. Because of the migraine (and the taste) I was only able to drink about a third of the can. 10:00 rolled around and no phone call. I figured that it had run a little over time. Finally around 10:45 I really just wanted to go home and go to bed, and I was really annoyed that I hadn’t been called to let me know I could come home yet. I started texting people at the party asking if I could come home. I don’t remember if I had told anyone that I had a headache at that point. After about ten minutes I got texts from three different people saying that yes, I was allowed back into my home. I bid my fellow male farewell and left for home, a 58 second drive.
I get home and the party is still going strong. There’s perhaps 7 cars in the drive that done belong to people who live there. I walk in the door and I’m greeted by cries of “Robbie!” and “OOooh, you look so tired!” I probably responded with some sort of grunt. At that point I didn’t feel capable of human speech. I went to the microwave to heat up some food, which sometimes (but not always) helps my migraines. I was told there was pizza and hummus and pita.
When I was done putting food in the microwave, I headed for the stairs with my laptop bag.
At this point I should mention that at the time we were having our kitchen floor redone and it was only about 75% complete. Because of this our refrigerator and kitchen table were both in the front hallway of the house creating a very narrow pathway to the stairs leading to the second floor.
I turn the corner into this hallway and I was greeted with no fewer than 4 women staring back at me with a look of fear/anger/disgust as if they were saying “what the hell is *HE* doing here?” Without saying a word I turned around dropped my bag and left. Just got in my car and drove away.
I was PISSED. More upset than I should have been, but emotions, at least mine, are amplified by pain and alcohol. 5 minutes later I got a text from A. The exchange went something like this.
A: Where did you go?
Me: I left.
Me: The front hallway is not an appropriate place to do business.
A: You can come back.
As I drove I kept getting angrier. How DARE they keep me out of my own home? How DARE they keep me from going to bed? I obviously wasn’t using my best judgment. I.E. – texting while driving after having consumed alcohol. I wasn’t drunk, definitely not over the limit, but the intoxicant’s effects were noticeable.
I responded to A.
Me: If I came back now I would probably tell everyone to get the **** out of my house.
A: Oh dear.
I kept driving. I kept getting angrier. At that point you could call it a rage. It’s not really that easy to get me so upset. I do have a short fuse, but that sucker is hard to light if you know what I mean. But when I blow, I BLOW. A minute later I turned toward home and sent this message to A: “In fact, I think I will do that.” I received no more messages.
Arriving at home I stormed into the house announcing, “Alright! Party’s over! Go home! Get the **** out of my house!” I grabbed my bag and headed upstairs to take some AdvilPM and set up my laptop. There are different women sitting at the table in the front hall.
I came back downstairs a few minutes later and no one had moved from where they were. I screamed at them, “I wasn’t kidding! Get out of my house! This **** is over! We live in the 21st century. Finish your business by phone or email. I want you out of my ****ing house!”
At this point I’m dragged outside by my wife. (Note: this happened in August) She said a bunch of things I don’t remember mostly to the effect of calm down, you can’t tell people to leave etc. etc. I just went on about how I didn’t care, I wanted everyone to leave. And for the love of god, the front hall is NOT an appropriate place to conduct business.
Me: Whats wrong with the family room.
Wife: It’s a privacy thing. People are ordering products and they don’t necessarily want others to know what they’re getting. We were going to have it upstairs in the guest bedroom, but there was too much cleaning that had to be done.
(I will point out here that the cleaning that needed to be done consisted of CLOSING ALL THE DOORS BUT THE ONE TO THE SPARE BEDROOM. Seriously, the only things in that room were a bed, a dresser, a mirror, a chair, a rug, and a television.)
Me: then whats wrong with the Garage?
Me: Front porch? Theres a table there! If you’re worried about lighting, how about the patio where theres a table chairs AND floodlights! There is NO reason they should be in the ****ING HALLWAY!
At this point my wife is crying. A came over trying to calm me down as well. That didn’t work out well because she decided to point out that it’s “not your ****ing house, it belongs to your father-in-law. You just live here.” More fuel on the fire.
Me: You couldn’t have TOLD me there were people in the front hall? Or stop me from doing so?
Everyone involved at this point: There wasn’t time! You just came in and went that way!
Me: What about the WHOLE TIME I WAS STANDING AT THE ****ING MICROWAVE!?
Later I start ranting about gender discrimination or some other bull**** like that and my sister(B) points out that its actually illegal for me to be in the house during one of these parties because its considered solicitation for a woman to present a sexual object to a man or something like that. I immediately call bull****. If that were the case I wouldn’t be able to go to a (non-sleazy truck stop) adult store and make a purchase. Every single one I’ve ever been in was staffed by women.
This just gets me even angrier. On top of everything else, this company has LIED to its customers about legal matters just to set their mind at ease. If what the lady told them was true, I wasn’t able to find anything in the Ohio Revised Code that applies to the situation. I later found out there are other companies who host co-ed parties of a similar nature, so I still call bull**** on that.
My wife put her hands on my shoulders. I pushed them away, which caused B to stick her finger in my face (Which our whole family has been telling her since she was 3 years old NOT TO DO, because its irritating) and scream “DON’T YOU ****ING TOUCH HER! YOU KNOW IF YOU LAY A HAND ON HERE MOM WILL DISOWN YOU!” I look at her like she’s crazy grab her wrist to get her finger out of my face and let go.
Around this time I realize I’m acting like a total *******. I try to calm down. Avoid talking. Chain smoke. Eventually get to the point where I feel like I can go inside and just go to bed. I don’t get to sleep until almost 3 in the morning still with a migraine.
That’s really all the relevant points to my story. I just want to know if any of my anger, ANY of it is justified. The whole time I felt like everyone was trying to say I had no reason to be upset at all, let alone be as upset as I was.
This whole thing came up again because two days ago my wife mentioned that she was going to a PR party today, and that i ruined them for her because she cant enjoy them as much because of this thing that happened 6 months ago.
I get banned from my house; get pissed about that, then act like an *******.
Should I have been pissed?