I thought Episode 7 was trash, so I'm not at all going to suggest that Rogue One will be an unwatchable flop. I'm painfully aware that I am the outlier here.
The problem is, Disney and I strongly disagree on what "Star Wars" ought to be. That's because I spent somewhere around 20 years playing Star Wars games and reading Star Wars novels, and Disney didn't. The EU went to some pretty damn dark places in that time. Coming back after all of that progress, to films that do little more than ape the tone of the original trilogy, is just as jarring whether the movies are made by George Lucas or by a Disney executive committee.
And that's the real reason the fans hated the prequels, isn't it? Lucasfilm spent the late 80s and 90s hiring writers to build up Star Wars into something much bigger than the films. When George Lucas came back, he tried to make the same old thing he's always made, and was genuinely (and rightfully) astonished that it's not what the fans expected anymore. That the fans expected something serious, instead of goof and camp. That's why I find it so incredible that Disney would be making all of the same mistakes again; Episode 7 was the same god damn thing as the prequels, the same lame story with the same bad pacing, only this time they hired Harrison Ford to throw a big ol' lipstick grin on that ****ing pig, and apparently they figured my nerd boner should have been turgid enough to not notice the dumpster fire raging on screen. And now we have Rogue One, doing all of that boring **** too, only this time they won't even have an old celebrity to throw at us.
I posted a few months ago that I'd only see the movie if it turned out to be a Dark Forces movie, about Jan Ors and Kyle Katarn. I'm standing by that. All of the earliest rumors suggested that this movie started its life as exactly that, a Dark Forces adaptation, and has only mutated into its current state through what I can only describe as an act of utter contempt for the fans that kept the series limping along through the early 90s. I mean, what else could it be, honestly? The name of the main character is a ****ing mispronunciation of Jan Ors. They actually had to put in work to make it not Dark Forces.
And, you know, if I were still a kid, I'd probably take all of this ****. I'd've probably never read any of the novels, or played any of the good games. But as an adult fan, I don't give a **** about the Skywalkers or Han Solo or the original trilogy anymore. **** those boring, badly written characters. I want to watch the Corran Horns and the Kyle Katarns and the Thrawns and the expanded Wedge Antilles and all of the other fun, halfway well-written characters thrown in by the good writers. You know, the characters Disney axed for what I am sure are great reasons. So right now, I'm basically like... what the **** is the point of all this? There's better lightsaber fights on youtube now, so the new film series doesn't even have that to offer. I guess I'm supposed to learn the names of a whole new batch of side characters, just so they can get erased from history again when I'm in my 50s?
Christ almighty.