Some of you know that I've had mental issues. Actually, I've had them throughout my adult life. They've always held me back, they've always kept me down and they've always overwhelmed me. I've suffered from panic disorder, agoraphobia (the fear of public or open places), OCD, social anxiety, depression, things like that. At my worst, when I lived with my parents back in early 2005, I was unable to get to their mailbox to fetch the mail. It was about twenty meters away from the front door.

Somehow I always wanted to keep on. No matter how bad things got and no matter how useless my existence seemed, I always wanted to live. There were always things that gave me joy, and there was always a glimmering light beyond it all. Whether it was online banter with our FastGamerr and the rest of the gang, or following hockey, or seeing friends when I was able to, I always found something to enjoy no matter how insignificant those things may have seemed against the backdrop of day after day slipping by.

I've been in therapy for two years now. Just lately things have begun to fall into place. For the longest time it felt impossible. I had hope, but I never really expected it to start happening like this. I mean, all of my anxieties were who I was. I didn't really feel like there was a way out of all that because there was no way out of being myself.

My pivotal realization has come in two parts. The first was that I should never try to escape my emotions but take them in fully. The other thing is that I stopped categorizing emotions into good and bad. I started welcoming them all instead of trying to divert my mind away from the ones that I considered unpleasant. So now, whenever I start to feel something previously unwanted, I welcome it with open arms and throw myself into it. I give that emotion all the power it could ever want, and I choose to just ride it out. I give myself full permission to experience it. For some reason, whenever I'm able to do this, all the panic, all the anxiety and all the fear lose their power. Whenever I'm able to take the attitude I just explained, it's as though a switch gets flipped to make all of the anxiety disappear. I welcome it, I tell it to give me all that it's got, but instead it vanishes and I'm left with peace.

So I'm still getting some minor setbacks, some moments where my old ways of thinking rear their head and remind me I'm not in the clear yet. But that's part of the process. The bigger picture is that I'm doing things I haven't been able to do in all of my adult life, I'm entering all kinds of situations without fear of failure and ending up greatly enjoying them, and I feel like I have a lot to give to others.

For the first time ever, I feel wonderful.

Good for you.

The embrace of emotions is well known in the east (Buddhism), and it's a shame it isn't taught at a young age everywhere around the world, across generations. People will say nonsense like "think positive thoughts" or "attract your desired state through the power of intention" instead. Or just the usual blaming of your feelings on outside people or events.

The feel is real, the why is a lie.

I'm rooting for you.

hi koobie

Glad to hear you're learning effective ways to cope with anxiety. Many people don't learn how to deal with their emotions honestly. The buried pain comes out inevitably. It can form of toxic relationships, alcoholism, excessive internet usage, or any number of undesired behaviors. My personal response is most often one of several avoidance behaviors. Avoidance inevitably produces more stress, so it's a toxic cycle.

I believe a high level of anxiety and comorbid conditions are common today. We don't often speak of it, but the feelings are there. While the feelings can make us feel helpless, there is a way out. You're never entirely helpless to help yourself in your situation, even when you're not sure what to do.

FWIW, psychotherapy seems to be more effective than prescription medication at helping manage these things long term. So I think you're making the right steps and believe your future will be as positive as you're feeling today.

Has anybody here read Freud's Civilization and its Discontents? It sounds like you might be talking about what Freud called rationalization and sublimation, which are both coping mechanisms that modern society seems to favor as socially acceptable ways of dealing with emotionally unnatural states of affairs for humans to be in (over simply letting your emotions out directly).

At any rate, congratulations Kroko!

Truthfully, I'm glad to hear that. I'm happy for you little buddy.

I found it interesting that right after I read your post, I started replaying a podcast that I was listening to last night while I was working in the garage. I was replaying it because I really didn't pay enough attention to it. The first ten minutes is the host giving his thoughts on feelings that absolutely echoed (no pun intended but would only make sense if your familiar with the podcast anyway) what you posted above. Good to you, man. Glad to hear you're doing well.

Thanks guys!

Reid, I agree on psychotherapy. I feel like medication is often a very helpful form of treatment, but it should supplement psychotherapy. I think studies show that the combination of medication and therapy is typically more effective than just one or the other. Medication can be an amazingly helpful crutch in many situations. Of course, there are also psychiatric conditions where lifelong medication can be essential, but that's another topic I suppose. I don't need medication anymore so I haven't been on any in a while, but there have certainly been times when it has helped.

!!!HI KROKO YOU ROCK IM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

You rock-o, Kroko!

I propose that every third Thursday after the eighth full moon on even numbered years (excepting leap years) be celebrated as Kork O. Dile Remembrance Day