Kyle woke up. A cry of 'shadda de schuu' from outside the door caused him to draw his 'saber, open the door, and proceed to chop the three-eyed Gran mailman to ribbons.
"I can sense this is the beginning of a bad week", Kyle mumbled. And that was even before he saw that AT-ST around the bend...
--send something in!--

"This week...I don't think it gonna be purty"
Kyle opened the paper. The headline read 'Killer Human Kyle Katarn About to be Blasted into Oblivion by AT-ST'. "I knew it," Kyle said. The AT-ST came right in front of Kyle. "How DID they get this thing in Nar Shaddaa anyhow?" The AT-ST opened fire.
--c'mon guys! i really need you to add something!--

In a deadly swing, Kyle chopped the laser bullet back, then threw his lightsaber and chopped off the ATST's leg. Then he looked at the news. It said, 'Then the new Deathstar will shoot Kyle's house today, at Nar Shaddaa. Continued at page B5.'

# Up at the new Deathstar.....

'Prepare to fire.' Says the leader.
It starts glowing.....
Then, 'FI----' but at that second a laser blast shakes the Deathstar. 'What's that?'

# In kyle's rocket.....

'It's lucky I managed to get to my ship in time!! Maybe this isn't my ugly week,' says Kyle. He turns and fires another laser, and is about to cut the new Deathstar in half when suddenly...........

------------------

"OH MY GOD!!!" Yelled Kyle. "What the &#($&*$#&(&$#(&$# is a RANCOR doing here?!?!" Apparently, as Kyle left Nar Shaddaa in the Crow, a rancor had grabbed onto the ship. "Dang, this sucks. Never mind, this IS an ugly week!" The rancor began to rip the ship to pieces. The Death Star powered up and aimed at the Crow. The rancor ripped out the Crow's engines and Kyle had no control of the ship...

The Death Star's 5-7 laser things connected, then it fired!! But the laser hit the Rancor and bounced off and blew the Deathstar up. Kyle looked and said, "Hey, how did that Rancor get a shield reflection shield thing on it? The deathstar laser must've turned it on." But then he looked out the window and knew that the ugliness of the week so far was tiny compared to what was about to happen........

------------------

Then he enters hyperspace to is other home in Barons Hed. A man meets him and escorts him to the hospital.
"Jan?"
"I had Tentuplets when you where at that rebel base training Mara."
*Kyle thinks to himself NO! this is the worst part of this bad week!*
He heads to the bar to take a drink and sees 30 Grave Tuskens armed with blasters and he is stunned.
Kyle is now back in High School.
"Im lost can you help me" Kyle asks.
"Its the end of the semesterall finals were due yesterday."
"NOOOOO!"
Kyle awakes to the pain of beong whipped by tuskens. He has a sigh of relief, "At least I am not in high school"
A squad of Tuskens are about to execute him when they recieve a call saying not to shoot, and an old woman picks up the phone just in time.
Jan comes and tries to save Kyle. She almost fail but then a tusken shoots her hair and she goes on a rampage.
"That was pretty good shooting, for a girl"
"That was good for rambo" Weegee remarks
and then...

"Oh boy," Kyle said
"At last we will have revenge..."
"Hey, ain't you dead, Maul?"
"No, I'm not, and, for your information, 'ain't' isn't a real word."
"Do I look like I care, buddy?" Kyle said.
Maul drew his saber and ignited both blades.
"Oh, $#($," Kyle said.
Maul attacked Kyle. Kyle drew his saber and returned the attack. Meanwhile, the Tuskens had reorganized their attack and once again were aiming their guns at Kyle, who was busy fighting Maul. Maul swung his saber but accidentaly chopped Jan in two.
"Oops..." Darth Maul said.
"You are no match for me," a deep voice said.
"Dang! Vader, too?" Kyle said.
"You are correct." Vader ignited his saber.
"Ah-ahahahaha." Jerec cried.
"DANG! Jerec, too?!?!"
"Heh. Jedi scum." Exar Kun said.
"Uh, I know the others, but who the heck are you?"
"I'm Exar Kun. I lived thousands of years before you, so you wouldn't know me unless you read the Star Wars comics."
"Oh."
"Well, I invented the double-bladed lightsaber..."
"WOW! You did? Pleased to meet you!" said Darth Maul.
"Oh boy. So it's me versus 4 Sith lords??? 4 Sith lords??? 4??? 4??? 4???"
"Guess so, buddy."
"DANG! I KNEW this week was gonna suck!!!"
"So, we gonna kill him or somethin'?" asked Jerec.
"Guess so." replied Maul.
"Oh, man..." said Kyle.
--to be continued by you..--

They all swung at the same time, but Kyle did force jump and escaped. Then they all did saber throw, and all the tuskens fired, and Kyle looked up but a death star laser was coming down!!!

To be continued

Kyle quickly drew his saber and deflected the Death Star's shot and sent it back up.

Onboard the Death Star...
"Captain, Katarn should be dead now."
"What is THAT then?"
"(*&$(#!!! He deflected our shot! Prepare for impact--"
There wasn't much left of the Death Star after that.

Back on the ground...
The four dark Jedi were all trying to find Kyle, who was using Force Persuasion and was invisible. All the dark Jedi had used all their stars on Dark Side powers and never learned Force Seeing, so they couldn't find Kyle. They ran around swinging their sabers like idiots, trying to find Kyle. But Kyle ran out of Force.
"There he is," Maul declared.
"Uh-oh...Time for a little swim," Kyle said as he jumped into a water canal leading out of Barons Hed.
"After him!" Yelled Exar Kun. All the dark Jedi swam after Kyle.
Kyle was in trouble. The canal was blocked off by a landslide.
"Hmmm...not good," Kyle said. "Definitely a bad week."
The dark Jedi approached...
--to be continued...--

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accepting cruel harrassment at the MSN Gaming Zone at Jedi Knight weekly

Jan comes back with Luke Skywalker, Mara, Jade, and Corran Horn.
"Jan I thought you where dead!"
"No they only got my stunt double"
"I was wondering why you where ugly"

"Yeah Jackie Chan is great at stunts but makes a horrible woman" Jan said

"That's great...NOW DIE!!!!" Vader yelled.
Luke, Mara, and Corran all ignited their lightsabers and engaged the Dark Jedi with Kyle. Now the battle was even. Kyle was battling Darth Maul, Luke was battling Darth Vader, Mara was battling Exar Kun, and Corran was battling Jerec.
Kyle's fight...
Kyle stabed at Maul but Maul whacked Kyle's saber aside and swung at Kyle, scraping Kyle's shoulder pad. Kyle did a downward swing which Maul blocked and used to shove Kyle back. Kyle fliped backwards and Maul took a swing at him, burning Kyle's boots. Kyle spun around and sliced a fourth of Maul's cloak off. Maul kicked Kyle over and stabbed at him, burning his leg. Kyle groaned in pain as Maul stood over him, laughing.
Luke's fight...
Vader stabbed at Luke, and Luke blocked. Luke swing and hit Vader's shoulder. Vader cussed and began to Force Choke Luke. Luke threw his saber, which hit Vader's stomach, knocking Vader back.
Mara's fight...
Exar Kun attacked with his double-bladed saber. Mara swung at Kun, but missed. Kun fliped over Mara, landed behind her, and sliced her back open. Mara screamed and dropped her guard. Kun punched her in the face, knocking her into the water.
Corran's fight...
Corran swung at Jerec, but Jerec used Force Lighting and zapped Corran. Jerec continued to zap Corran...
Kyle's fight...
Kyle looked up in pain at a triumphant Darth Maul. Darth Maul stabbed down at Kyle on the floor but Kyle rolled. Maul stabbed again and again, and was pleased to hear Kyle cry out and to see the back of Kyle's shirt-thing burned to a crisp. Kyle didn't move. Maul kicked Kyle over and prepared for the kill...
Luke's fight...
Luke hit Vader in the helmet with his saber twice, knocking Vader down. Vader kicked Luke in the balls, stood up, and sliced Luke across the stomach and shoved Luke down. Vader stood up, and swung his saber at Luke's head...
Mara's fight...
Exar Kun laughed. He had killed Mara. Or so he thought...Mara used the Force to ignite her saber and threw it and sliced Exar Kun in the chest. Kun screamed, and stabbed at Mara, slicing through her leg. Mara fell into the water. Exar Kun slammed his foot onto her chest and shoved her down to the bottom of the water and prepared for the kill...
Corran's fight...
Corran recovered and ran at Jerec, and cut Jerec on the shoulder. Jerec fell, but shot a Force Destruction blast that hit Corran in the head. Corran fell and Jerec prepared for the kill...
--to be continued--

After all this, the force became too confused about who lived and who died, that it brought everyone back to life. Everyone was confused, and they all prepared for fighting again. Darth maul turned his first saber on, and his 3 companions turned their sabers on.

Kyle and his group turned on their sabers as well.

Maul, who was right in the middle of his bunch, turned his second blade on and it accidently went right through Vader's chest. (He was dead)

Still not knowing about Vader, maul did a saber trick for special effects and swung his saber around and over his head. In the process, he cut off Jerec and Exhar's heads.

When maul looked down, he hesitated and realized his mistake.

Mara reacted immediately and did her saber throw at Darth-Maul. Unfortunately, the saber didn't hit maul, the handle did. He was knocked out instantly.

The "Lightside" Force members were then attacked by somemore tuskens who had strifles. They easily killed them and stole their rifles.

Kyle said, "hey, we have to take out the security grid so that these Tuskens wont know where we are." Everyone agreed.

When they reached the grid, Mara said "the only way to take it out is to destroy the middle power booster. If we hit one of the other ones, the grid will explode and take down the entire city."

Luke exclaimed: "I am the best shot here, let me take it out." Nobody differed with him. Luke took his strifle and aimed for the middle booster. He fired...

"NOOO!" Luke exclaimed, as he saw the 3 lazer bolts he fired go off in all different directions. It was then he realized that the strifle was not the best choice for a long distance shot. He saw the first bolt hit the right power booster, the second, the ground, the third, up in the air and into the far distance...

They were doomed...

No they weren't!! Suddenly, Kyle remember something. "Hey, this isn't the defence grid, this is the hologram room!!" So they left the hologram room and went to the real grid thing.
But there was a problem. None of them had a stscope!! But at that moment they turned around. Darth Maul was charging with both sabers on!! He was holding a stscope!! He threw it!! But at that instant a turret came out of the wall to shoot kyle, right in front of Darth Maul!! The stscope bounced off the turret and broke it, then hit Darth Maul in the head, knocking him out again!! But the turret was overloading the reactor core!!!

Jan shot came and shot an emp gun (electro magnetic pulse) to disable the turret. then she shot Darth Maul ten times. They got out of the area. Then they say the Imperial garrison. A wind knocked them down to it where they were trapped inside the walls. They where surrounded by hundreds of stormies an AT-AT and a few AT-ATs

"Concussion rifle time!!!" Kyle yelled.
Everyone pulled out concussion rifles and blasted away at the AT-AT. The AT-AT took a dozen or so concussion rifle shots in the head. The AT-AT's head blew off and it fell down on top of all the AT-STs and stormtroopers.
"Yay," Jan said, but was cut off. Jan was suddenly on the ground in two pieces.
"Darth Maul!" Corran yelled.
Darth Maul had both saber blades on. He charged at Kyle. Kyle fired his concussion rifle and hit Darth Maul in the head. Darth Maul flew very high. Luke began to use Force Heal and brough Jan back to life. Darth Maul fell back down and landed on Jan and killed her again.
"Dang," Luke said.
Darth Maul swung his saber and killed everyone but Kyle.
"Uh-oh. I'm need a lot of bacta to heal everyone," Kyle said.
"At last we will have revenge..." Maul said with a laugh.

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accepting cruel harrassment at the MSN Gaming Zone at Jedi Knight weekly

Darth Maul killed Kyle then looked at his face. Darnit!!! I got their stunt doubles!...

Darth Maul looked up but it was too late!! Kyle had grabbed a light side boost and had used Force Projection 100 times!! They were all running around!!

And than I giant meteor came out of no where, and blew everyone into oblivion like the dinosaurs...

THE END



[This message has been edited by JASRCC_Uber0010 (edited March 02, 2000).]

But then it was not the endit was just a hallucination. Everyones real people got together and celebrated.

THE REAL END, REALLY

"Uh-oh," Kyle said. "We forgot about that big Imperial base,"
"Dang," everyone said.
A huge explosion hit the Imperial base and blew it up.
"Oh my God," Kyle said. "It's the Yuuzhan Vong!!!"
"The WHAT?" everyone said.
"The Yuuzhan Vong. Invaders from outside our galaxy. Don't you read the Star Wars books? In the NEW JEDI ORDER series, the Yuuzhan Vong invade the galaxy."
"Oh." everyone said.
Dozens of Coralskippers dived from the sky and began shooting molten blasts at the damaged Imperial base (Coralskippers are the starships of the Yuuzhan Vong. They are grown out of YORIK CORAL. The Yuuzhan Vong grow all their weapons and ships; all their weapons are organic--plants or animals are used as fighting machines, kind of like the Zurg in Starcraft). The Coralskippers destroyed the base. Kyle fired his concussion rifle at the Coralskippers, but one of the Coralskippers opened a black hole and sucked up the concussion blast.
"What?!?!" Kyle screamed. (the Yuuzhan Vong use black holes to defend their starships and ground craft. They suck up attacks instead of relying on shields.)
"I wonder why the Yuuzhan Vong are attacking that Imperial base? It was deserted anyway," Luke said.
"The Yuuzhan Vong rely on organic things. They HATE MECHANICAL THINGS. THEY ABSOLUTELY HATE MACHINES."
"Oh."
"Oh no! The Yuuzhan Vong forces are coming at us!!!"
(VERY IMPORTANT NOTE THAT YOU MUST READ: IF YOU ADD ON TO THE STORY, ONLY INCLUDE THE YUUZHAN VONG IF YOU HAVE READ THE NEW JEDI ORDER BOOKS, OR AT LEAST ENOUGH OF ONE TO WRITE ABOUT THE YUUZHAN VONG. IF NOT, HAVE THEM RETREAT FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON, OR SOMEHOW HAVE THEM VANISH FROM THE STORY. I WILL ADD SOMETHING LATER ABOUT THE YUUZHAN VONG THAT WILL GIVE YOU ENOUGH TO WRITE ABOUT THEM)

Meanwhile, Kyle's cat decides to get some milk...

And then Jan Ors breaks up with him because he spends too much time with Sariss

------------------
"Face it, if crime did not pay, there would be very few criminals" -Laughton Lewis Burdock

The voice of the people is the voice of God.

kyle gets depressed from Jan leaving him and he goes out for a beer
one beer soon turns into 50.....kyle is gonna die from too much beer!
the Grim Reaper comes up to Kyle, "kyle its time"
"not today!' kyle suddenly remembers about sariss and all his other women, turns and slashes the Grim Reaper's head off
wait right here says the grim reapers decapitated bodies as it starts to run after his head, runs into the street and gets hit by a bus.
Kyle laughs hard. After going home to Sariss, they kiss when suddenly he door is blown off by Duke Nukem!!! "Your face, your ass, whats the difference!!!" he yells and opens fire!

Then Duke Nukem got banned by Juztyn, the worlds favorite message closer!!