I find these stories very fascinating (I don't post, but I have read a few of them) and I think I will have a go at this. Hope people get interested in this
Remeber, I am a complete nOOb at writing

AN UNLIKELY ALLIANCE:
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The story takes place in the star wars universe and the characters are all jedi (I like traditions). The time is somewhere during the sith and jedi were both powerful organizations and they were in complete war with each other. But even darker shadows than the sith started to descend upon the galaxy: A planet-sized object entered the outer rims, as it passed planets, the people of the planets were never heard from again. This was considered a rumour though, until the object descended upon the distant but civilized planet of "Dathrell". "Dathrell" was utterly destroyed but a group of survivors who fled on their starship told about strange nano-people, who were equally man and machine, incredibly strong and fast, they quickly erazed the planet's defences and killed the population. People of high ranks became worried as the object destroyed more and more lesser planets.
A month later, the planet peaceful planet of "Danthrax" was attacked and destroyed. The planets army general was able to escape and informed the leaders of the galaxy, that the newcomers weren't conquerors, they were destroyers and their technology is beyond anything they has imagined, blaster shots get deflected from their bodies and they kill people with bare hands, or by ripping their thoughts apart telepathically, but the battle of "Danthrax" was different. The rulers bodyguard was a jedi who was able to destroy many of the attackers (but was overwhelmed in the end), so apparently, those connected to the force are not affected by the creature's mental attacks and their physical traits appear to be pretty much equal. The jedi coucil was summoned and it was agreed that a team of jedi would be sent on the planet to destroy the threat. Suddenly, in the middle of the meeting, a person in black robes appeared, the jedi immediatly recocnized the newcomer as a sith and aptured him, the sith gave tham a holo-emitter with a message from the leaders of the sith, they informed the jedi that several of the sith's best warriors were destroyed in battle against these attackers and that the jedi would have no chance against them either, "An alliance has to be made", the thought was ridiculous, but necessary, so the coucil agreed to the terms: 1.An alliance and peace was to be made between the jedi and the sith and no fighting between the sects was allowed until the threat had been disposed of 2.The hostilities WILL start after the destruction of the attackers.
Scouts were send on starfighters and it became apparent, that the planet-like object had no surface-defences, apparently the attackers didn't see them necessary, they thought they were unbeatable. It would be safe to land on the object and send in teams people.

Create a jedi character and describe him/her. You can go in alone or form teams and fight the attackers, remember, they have about equal physical traits with the jedi and they have strange weaponry (make the enemy weapons out yourselves) and do think of personal opponents, these guys are pretty much undefined and they have colourful troops. The ultimate objective is to find out how to destroy the "planet" and (of course) destroy it. Your character can be a jedi or a sith, he can have any weaponry, any lightsaber technique, he can be of any race or he/she can be a rogue jedi, a loner who has cut their ties to both sects. And why not have backstabbing as well, jedi duels between the jedi and the sith who just can't stand each other.

This is just pure fiction that has nothing to do with actual events in the SW universe. So all of you SW purists DON'T HIT ME!!

[This message has been edited by Morpheus (edited April 07, 2002).]

BTW, I will introduce my character tomorrow, right now, I'm gonna go to bed, have a test tomorrow

Ah, so it won't have anything to do with actual things in the SW universe, huh? Good! (I was about to hit you.) Anywhos, this sounds interesting. Do you have any more information on the enemy and where you want the story to go, or are you holding some of it back as a surprise? I'm just wondering how much leeway I have. I think I'll create a character soon, when I think of one.

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Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

My dude will be Destructos. Check out Battle of the Jedi for what he looks like and Finding a Door for info on his personality. He does work good with others. Even better with other reptilians. Ah, why not, I'll make up his team of friends. They all wear robes, each one different depending on the guy

Shiftanar
Chameleon-like, can look like other people/things and can just blend in. Good with sniping and concealed weapons. A Shadow Jedi with specialization in persuasion and throw. Has 5 Lightdaggers instead of normal saber. They link together

Healas
Pale green skin with doctor green robes. Lightside and good with healing. Looks more snakish than others. A small lightsaber that has less power but more speed than average.

Chopsss
Not real name, noone knows what is. Robes are made of a sort of metal that bends like clothe. Uses swords instead of other weapons. THe swords can produce an electronic edge when needed. Darkside, mostly uses it to augment his phisical capabilities i.e. make him stronger faster etc.

BoomSlag (nickname, real name unknown)
Good at sniping, can climb like a gekko up and down walls. Shadow Jedi, mostly Dark powers, but uses persuasion and blinding to hide. He has a gun that launches his abnormally lightweight sager at enemys like a bazooka and then he controls his saber through the force so he dosn't have to be in danger.

Focussant
Channels force enrgy through his weapons to create blades. Uses that for guns too. HAs a weapon like that ball in Men In Black, lightsaber, things on his arms that cover his forearm and make blades about 3 feet long.
Later, I better get some sleep

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TX3=The Tolkien TerrorsT times 3
>>----->
SBX ROCKS!!
()===@{=====>

The enemies races vary greatly, many of them are unknown, since they come from beyond the outer rim. The nano-enhancements are common to all the enemies and even they vary, for example, some of them can climb walls, some are incredibly strong and some have to literally chopped to pieces until they are dead. The weapons they use vary even more than their appearance, they pretty much have everything you can imagine, that is why I didn't give too much details, these guys are a chaos army and you writers have a lot of freedom in the battles and in the discoveries you make from the dark "planet".

My friends are coming over soon, so the creation of my character/s will be delayed with a few hours, but be patient, you can start the adventure on your own, there is no deadline for the character creation, anyone can join in the battle at any time. And please create teams with other posters, that would be pretty nice and develope your characters as well.

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No brains no pains!

My characters: Darien Uth'Creshin and Darth Zanathor.

Darien is a human with brown hair, a short beard and heavy eyebrows. He is about 179cm tall and normally built. He wears brown jedi robes and weilds a light purple, single bladed sabre. His skills with the light side are amazingle good for a human, he uses the force with great skill and patiente, this balances for his slow saber, he is not a fierce fighter (he is much like Qui Gon Jinn, slow but powerful) but what he lacks in speed and ferocity he makes up with the force, he has even made a new adaptation of the force (force cube, which entraps enemies in an invisible cube for a short period of time, the cube makes the enemy's blaster fire ricochet inside the cube). He has just become a jedi knight and he hasn't got a padawan yet, he volunteered for the mission instantly and thinks it is a trial for him.

Darth Zanathor is a sith lord who has succesfully trained two apprentices to the darkness and is a master in both the physical and mental sides of the force, he uses two red lightsabers in combat and is incredibly fast. he doesn't like to use force powers and relies more on his combat skills. Zanathor looks like a human, except for the completely white skin and hair and red eyes. Besides the lightsabers, he relies on his lore on plant-life and chemistry, he can mix up pretty much any kind of explosives or potions from plants and he has many extracts hidden in his sith robes.

OK, here are my characters and I will deploy them on the field as soon as I can, now I must attend to my homework, but hopefully I will be able to start tonight. (Thats a big if)

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No brains no pains!

Darth Zanathor approached the great orb in his ship. He admired the dire looking artificial planet as his ship entered it's gravity field. There were several holes on the surface, but he didn't want to risk anything yet, so he landed on the surface and took out his oxygen equipment and lowered the cargo hatch to the ground, he didn't see any life signs on the surface. He made sure his lightsabers were still working by starting them and shutting them down quickly. "Everything seems to be in order for now" he thought and put his sabers back to his belt. He started walking towards the closest hole, the trip seemed to last an eternity even though the hole was only about 500 meters away. As Zanathor reached the hole, he heard a noise from the sky and looked up, four ships flew over him and one broke up from the formation and started landing close to Zanathor's ship. Zanathor decided he didn't want to meet the owner of the craft, so he pulled out his climbing equipment from his robes and attached them to the edge of the hole. After he had made sure the contraption was attached strong enough, he started lowering himself down to the darkness. Zanathor started one of his lightsabers to and looked around. The tunnel looked like a huge waste disposal hole "Just my luck, these guys are propably gonna flush before I get out of here" Zanathor mumbled to himself and started to lower himself down a bit faster. After about ten minutes he heard a loud clanking noise and he felt wind against his face and it was getting stronger and stronger "Oh crap, they are dumping something out" Zanathor thought and quickly jabbed his saber against the wall hoping he would hit a wall of a room, he was lucky, he soon felt the wall ending and started to enlargen the hole with his saber until he had made a hole he could squeeze through, the wind was now very strong and Zanathor's robes were flapping wildly he didn't have much time. He quickly dived trhought the hole and looked around, the room was empty besides a few boxes here and there, it looked just like a normal starship room, he quickly cut his rope and ran for the door, it was opened through a panel full of strange marking, Zanathor pressed the largest marking with his finger, the wind started to be strong in the room as well, the door opened and Zanathor quickly ran out from the room and pressed the same symbol outside the door, the door was shut and a few seconds later Zanathor could hear the boxes from the room flying out the room. Zanathor took off his oxygen mask and *sighed* loudly and started to look around, he was in a large corridor, apparently this was some kind of a storage area. "Well this is starting just well" Zanathor thought and grinned sarcastically to himself "My climbing equipment were propably pulled to space with the garbage, how the hell am I supposed to get out of here?". Zanathor switched off his lightsaber and put it to his belt, he started walking down the corridor with every sense alert and hoping not to encounter anyone just yet.

I will start writing about my other character soon, feel free to join in¨

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No brains no pains!

NSP: Alright, here's a character of mine.

Name: Uldaric Gindell
Race: Human
Age: 19
Affiliation: Independent

Appearance: Nearly six feet tall, with strikingly green eyes and blond hair cut trimly and conservatively. Wears a midnight blue cloak over a white tunic and trousers, with brown boots.

Weapon: Lasrathuym, rieedar. Forsaking the traditional lightsaber for two ancient weapons of the Aing-Tii, the lasrathuym, which is a long scimitar, and the rieedar, a short spiked mace. (I may just refer to them as the scimitar and the mace, as my names are doubtlessly too complex for me to remember.)

Philosophy: Uldaric believes that there exists an inviolate Truth in the Universe. He has been beyond the galactic realm and as such knows that the Force does not exist out there, which leads him to the conclusion that the Force is merely a tool of this truth, the truth's tool of choice for this galaxy.

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Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

This story hasn't been too popular, but I will still keep writing and hopefully other characters will join in soon. Sorry about the long break...I forgot about the this thread when it sank out of sight

Darien Uth'Creshin broke out of the formation of his fellow jedi and saw a sith craft underneath him, he decided to land close to it and then proceed inside the orb. Darien's ship landed neatly on the artificial planet and Darien saw a quick glimpse of a sith robe dissapearing to one of the holes, a few moments later a huge ball of metal shot out the hole and the climbing equipment on the edge of the hole were shot to space with the ball. Darien came out of his ship with oxygen equipment and tested his saber and started to walk along the surface looking for a safer entrance as he was sure the sith had perished in the garbage hole. After walking about the surface for about half-an-hour he started to grow short on the oxygen supply and decided to go through the next opening he could find no matter what it was for, he soon came across a huge hole that was apparently made for ships. Darien noticed a small ledge on the side of the hole and the ledge lead to a door. Darien jumped on the ledge and tried the door, it was locked. Darien pulled out his saber and started melting the door.
Once Darien was done with the door Darien saw a force field. "Oh crap!!" he shouted and turned off his saber. His oxygen was running out quickly and he would have no time to look for another opening and the ship shaft reached deep into the orb and he couldn't see an ending to it. Suddenly Darien sensed something beyond the forcefield and saw a glimpse of movement, he moved to his right and was able to see a strange character on the other side of the field, it looked a bit like a rodian, but it had much slimmer features and it didn't have any eyes. Darien focused on the creature with his full force and finally gripped it's consciousness taking over it's body, Darien started to sense everything through the creature's skin! He quickly got used to the odd sensation and started to look for a control panel for the force field. He couldn't find one, but he noticed that the forcefield's power came from a small generator on the other side, Darien started to lose control of the creature, but he was able to draw out it's strange blaster weapon and shoot the generator. Darien's mind returned to his body and he got ready to face the creature. The rodian-like beast attacked Darien with tremendous speed, Darien didn't even get to start his saber, the creature gripped Darien's throat and started strangling him with immense strength. Darien grabbed his lightsaber with his force and floated it next to the creatures head and mentally turned on the saber, it wen't straight through the creature's head and the thing fell to the ground dead. Darien started coughing and almost fainted. He laid on the ground for a while to let his breath become steady again. He then got up and slided his saber to his belt and thought "These creatures are not to be underestimated" and started walking along the long hallways.


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Mankind was once a small spark in danger of falling victim to even the smallest of breeze, but like all fires, this one started to grow. Now we are a firestorm, burning everything from our wake and we will not stop until we extinguish ourselves...or someone calls the fire department

Come on people, I want at least one of you to write with me, and besides, why the hell would you create characters if you will never use them. I will not forget about this story anymore and I will be as active as possible. And I will write whenever I have even the slightest of innovation

Darth Zanathor walked around the endless corridors of the artificial planet, he came across hundreds of doors leading to various storage rooms, but he didn't see any lifesigns anywhere, only endless storage facilities and craterooms. Zanathor then noticed a door that had a strange plant-like symbol above it, Zanathor felt interested and opened the door, he saw a huge storeroom that was turned in to a garden, there were endless plants set in containers, these creatures were obviously studying them. Zanathor noticed there were even some familiar plants around the place and he took out his plant-extractor and started collecting all the familiar and even some strange plants, flowers and roots to the neverending supply of secret pockets of his robes. He started to create all sorts of extracts and potions with his portable plant-processor. He stored the extracts to tiny bottles he had everywhere in his dark clothing "I will study these new species back home" he thought and put the plant-processor to his pocket and started to leave the storeroom, but just before he had reached the door, he heard a noise coming from his left, he quickly withdrew behind the plant containers. Zanathor watched closely as two strange creatures walked in to the room carrying what appeared to be plant-extractors. Both of the creatures were obviously óf the same race, they both had a thin, almost human-like build and their faces were covered with all sorts of equipment. They quickly picked up what they needed and left the room, Zanathor started following them, maybe he could finally get some information.
They had walked for about five minutes along the corridors, when the creatures headed for a door on the right, Zanathor leapt to the roof and spread his legs and arms to hold there just before one of the creatures looked behind, they then entered the room and a terrible smell of burned flesh, plants, poisons and excrements floated from the room and made Zanathor gag. When the door closed, Zanathor dropped himself down from the roof and sneaked across the hallway, he concentrated on the wall and penetrated it with his mind and started to look for lifeforms, when Zanathor opened his eyes, he could see dim outlines of several human-like creatures through the wall, but only two of them were moving, Zanathor saw from the outlines of the two moving figures that they were walking away and finally dissapeared entirely, they had gone to another room, Zanathor opened the door to the room and saw it was a laboratory, with humanoid specimens contained in some kind of glass tanks. Zanathor looked at it all cynically, but more careful than before, these creatures were studying the life of this galaxy, they were studying how to destroy it most efficiently. Zanathor walked across the room and was terrified at the sight he came across, even his sith training couldn't stop his fear from crawling into his brains, in a container in front of him, he saw a man of his own race! He saw the person moving, if there was still something in Darth Zanathor's former life that he hadn't abandoned when becoming a sith, it was the respect for his own race and it's accomplishments, the person inside the container moved again, he was still alive, but in pain, Zanathor saw many needlepoints on the man's body and saw several extracts on the table next to the container, Zanathor drew out one of his sabers and smashed the container, spoke an old saying in his language: "Nalithor io mithor" (honour among us) and stabbed the man in the chest killing him. He then pulled out his second saber and charged after the two creatures that were doing the research. The creatures' responses were fast, one of them dodged a saber by jumping a backflip and the other fell down on it's back to dodge the other saber, Zanathor saw they were unharmed so he continued his charge for a few more steps and turned around quickly to face the creatures. The one that had made the backflip charged first, as the other was just getting up from the floor, the creature bounced on one of the tables and jumped to the roof, kicking speed from the roof and came down behind Zanathor, he was expecting a move like this, so he made an aerial to his right and held his sabers behind him, so the creature couldn't attack, he then started swinging one of his sabers in wide curves and readied his other saber for defending and stabbing. Meanwhile the other creature had gotten up and was running towards Zanathor from behind him, Zanathor heard the steps and he decided to make quick work out of his current opponent and started to speed up his blows, but the creature was very fast and dodged every one of them, Zanathor crouched and jumped up rotating holding his arms and sabers away from himself, this bought him some more time to prepare for fighting two opponents, he finished his twirling attack with a quick jab towards his other enemy, he missed just barely, but that gave the enemy a change to strike back, it punched Zanathor in the shoulder with immense stregth sending Zanathor flying a couple of feet back, he landed on his back and was able to kick the creature before it was able to harm him further, he jumped up and kicked his attacker again. He then made a flip over his opponent and straightened his body in mid-air and struck down, the creature easily dodged the saber, but Zanathor never intended the attack for the the one he leapt over, he pulled one of the tables towards him with the force and took a couple of steps on the table while still in the air, this manouver sent him flying to the opposite direction where one of the enemies was still standing, the creature didn't expect such a quick attack and it never got a chance to evade, Zanathor's left saber thrusted to it's head and the creature died instantly before realizing what had happened. This drove the other one to rage and it charged Zanathor from behind him, but that was a mistake, Zanathor made a simple backstab with his other saber, knowing he would miss, then he instantly turned around and cut the attacker in half with his other saber, he had turned off his sabers and put them in his belt before the enemy's upper body hit the floor. Zanathor silently spoke in his language again "Venidethe ETH nalithor" (revenge IS honour). Darth Zanathor took a final look at his fallen kind, letting his rage grow again and walked out of the laboratory with his robes casting an eerie shade on the laboratorie's floor.


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Mankind was once a small spark in danger of falling victim to even the smallest of breeze, but like all fires, this one started to grow. Now we are a firestorm, burning everything from our wake and we will not stop until we extinguish ourselves...or someone calls the fire department

[This message has been edited by Morpheus (edited May 13, 2002).]

Don't worry, Morpheus, I'm gonna write (probably) - it's just that I have a lot on my figurative desk right now. Don't worry, I'll get to it. Hopefully.

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Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

Great! I will write another part in at least two days, I need to clear out some homework right now, so I don't have much time, but I will keep writing whenever I can, and people, join in and write!



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Mankind was once a small spark in danger of falling victim to even the smallest of breeze, but like all fires, this one started to grow. Now we are a firestorm, burning everything from our wake and we will not stop until we extinguish ourselves...or someone calls the fire department

Darien's head was still pounding from the grip of the attacker as he kept on walking along the corridors that were getting broader all the time, Darien realized he was walking towards the habited areas of the orb. He kept walking until he heard a bunch of voices talking in a strange language that consisted of loud clicks and low hissing noises. The creatures were walking towards Darien, he quickly charged through the first doo he saw, that was a mistake: he ran in the middle of a huge hall that was full of creatures that were target practising. Darien pulled out his saber and started blocking and dodging the lasers that were shot at him by a dozens of creatures, he would not last long. Darien tried to back to the corridor he came from, but the creatures were faster and were able to close the door before he get through. Darien's skill with the lightsaber was not enough to block every beam, and one of them hit his left side and one scraped his right shoulder, Darien desperately tried to jump to one of the ventilation shafts in the roof, he made it, one laser penetrated his left calf and he let out a shout of agony, but he was safe, but not for long, so he started crawling through the ducts in pain, he felt several lifeforms running underneath him, he had to increase his speed despite the pain. Darien's jedi training was the only thing that kept him from giving up and just die, he concentrated on his body and the force and started to aid his wounds with the force, he knew they would not heal entirely, but at least he could go on for a little longer, Darien felt the intoxicating sensation of the force streaming through his muscles, bones and skin, he felt how the force made his wounds regenerate, for a moment he felt he was flying, he quickly fell down from his ecstasy and the pain of his wounds came back, less severe but still pain, and he felt so tired he could barely move. He gathered his thoughts and kept on crawling through the pipes, knowing they would be looking for him. After he had been crawling for almost half an hour that seemed like an eternity, he heard a walking sound underneath him, how come he hadn't felt the lifeform before, and why didn't he feel it now, he didn't have time to think about that, because suddenly the pipe under Darien gave away and he fell on his back on the hard floor, he heard a familiar sound that was followed by a red light, Darien saw a white face in front of him and a pair of glowing red eyes stared at him, then he lost his consciousness...

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Mankind was once a small spark in danger of falling victim to even the smallest of breeze, but like all fires, this one started to grow. Now we are a firestorm, burning everything from our wake and we will not stop until we extinguish ourselves...or someone calls the fire department

Darth Zanathor was surprised when a jedi suddenly fell in front of him with a loud *thump*, Zanathor quickly drew out his lightsabers and looked at the newcomer. The jedi looked back at him and then let out a wheezing sound and his head dropped. Zanathor felt the man was still alive, he was facing a problem now, should he kill the jedi, nobody would know, should he leave the man, of should he get help from him. Zanathor looked at the blastershots of the jedi and saw he wouldn't last long without attendance, he reached to his robes and pulled out a rather large bottle of blue liquid "home made bacta" as he would call it. Zanathor spread the liquid to the jedi's wounds and dragged him away from the corridor to a nearby storeroom. Zanathor took the jedi's lightsaber and all the explosives he was carrying and hid them in the depths of his robes. He then walked outside the room and started to look around, he was obviously still around the storage area, as the corridor was still quite narrow and all the rooms seemed to be some kind of storerooms, Zanathor decided he would stay with the jedi until he would be alright, he didn't like the idea, but his rational mind overcame his hatred, he decided he would respect the alliance, no matter how repulsive it was. He knew it would take a few hours until the jedi's wounds would heal, so he decided to check out all the nearby rooms in case of some information. Suddenly he sensed several lifeforms approaching through the corridor, he quickly hid in the shadows and even shrouded himself with the power of the dark side. He saw a jedi running across the corridor towards him, the jedi was being chased by several creatures, Zanathor cursed all the jedi to rancorfood in his mind and waited until the jedi had passed him, he then engaged his sabers and cut down one of the attackers with a quick jab, the others reacted with great speed, two of them drew out a strange metal stick that was covered with some gold-coloured substance and one of them drew out a lightsaber!! zanathor looked at the jedi that had turned around and was propably wondering what to do, Zanathor saw the young jedi had no saber, he gave the jedi an angry look and started running towards him, the jedi was surprised when Zanathor didn't attack, instead he pulled out a third saber and threw it to the jedi. The jedi knew what to do and engaged the saber when Zanathor ran to his side and turned around to face the attackers. The jedi started a spinning attack at one of the enemies, while Zanathor began a wallrun towards the lightsaber-wielding enemy cutting down one of the attackers as he passed it by and landed in front of the lighsaber user and began his combo of attacks. The jedi quickly found out what the strange goldplated sticks were for as the creature charged it up and shot a strange pulse towards him, the jedi quickly evaded the pulse and tried to swing the creature dead with his saber, but the creature made a fancy dodging manouver and leapt across the hall and started blasting it's pulse weapon, the jedi rolled in front of the creature and kicked it in the face as he jumped up from the floor, the creature lost it's balance and the jedi chopped it's arm off with a quick overhead swing. Mean while Zanathor made a series of spinning attacks to force the creature to take a defencive stance, but the creature was as fast as Zanathor and Zanathor's robes kept him from doing more complex attacks. Zanathor decided to drop the robe, he threw one of his sabers to the jedi and made a quick aerial towards the jedi and swinged his hands so that the robe fell to the floor, he then pulled the saber back from the confused jedi and shouted "stay there, I will handle this", but the apparently the jedi took the loss of his saber personally and charged at the creature after Zanathor. Zanathor made a hand motion telling the jedi to stay back, but the idiot wouldn't listen, Zanathor blocked an attack from the creature and leapt over it trying to hit it's head with his left saber, the creature blocked and turned to face the jedi who charged at it, the creature made a quick stab at the jedi, but missed, Zanathor landed behind the creature and performed a quick backstab hitting the creature in the elbow, the creature lost it's left arm and screamed in pain, it went berserk and attacked Zanathor swinging mindlessly, the jedi thought he would now have a chance to kill the creature and let his guard down to charge, but the creature suddenly came out of it's fake frenzy and stabbed the charging jedi to the chest, the creature was about to jab the saber deeper into the chest of the jedi, but then it suddenly lost it's head to Zanathor attack. The jedi fell down and started gasping for air, Zanathor just looked at the jedi, the wound was lethal and beyond help Zanathor took the saber from the jedi's hand and said "this isn't yours, padawan", he then took the jedi's saber from the creature and smashed it with his own saber "wouldn't want that to fall into the wrong hands again, would you?" he said and walked away. The jedi managed to speak one word: "help...me..." Zanathor just kept walking with a satisfied smile on his face.

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Mankind was once a small spark in danger of falling victim to even the smallest of breeze, but like all fires, this one started to grow. Now we are a firestorm, burning everything from our wake and we will not stop until we extinguish ourselves...or someone calls the fire department

You know, Morpheus, it'd be a lot easier to read your posts if you divided them into paragraphs. Like this:

Darth Zanathor was surprised when a jedi suddenly fell in front of him with a loud *thump*, Zanathor quickly drew out his lightsabers and looked at the newcomer. The jedi looked back at him and then let out a wheezing sound and his head dropped.

Zanathor felt the man was still alive, he was facing a problem now, should he kill the jedi, nobody would know, should he leave the man, of should he get help from him. Zanathor looked at the blastershots of the jedi and saw he wouldn't last long without attendance, he reached to his robes and pulled out a rather large bottle of blue liquid "home made bacta" as he would call it. Zanathor spread the liquid to the jedi's wounds and dragged him away from the corridor to a nearby storeroom. Zanathor took the jedi's lightsaber and all the explosives he was carrying and hid them in the depths of his robes.

He then walked outside the room and started to look around, he was obviously still around the storage area, as the corridor was still quite narrow and all the rooms seemed to be some kind of storerooms, Zanathor decided he would stay with the jedi until he would be alright, he didn't like the idea, but his rational mind overcame his hatred, he decided he would respect the alliance, no matter how repulsive it was. He knew it would take a few hours until the jedi's wounds would heal, so he decided to check out all the nearby rooms in case of some information.

Suddenly he sensed several lifeforms approaching through the corridor, he quickly hid in the shadows and even shrouded himself with the power of the dark side. He saw a jedi running across the corridor towards him, the jedi was being chased by several creatures, Zanathor cursed all the jedi to rancorfood in his mind and waited until the jedi had passed him, he then engaged his sabers and cut down one of the attackers with a quick jab, the others reacted with great speed, two of them drew out a strange metal stick that was covered with some gold-coloured substance and one of them drew out a lightsaber!!

Instead of this:

Darth Zanathor was surprised when a jedi suddenly fell in front of him with a loud *thump*, Zanathor quickly drew out his lightsabers and looked at the newcomer. The jedi looked back at him and then let out a wheezing sound and his head dropped. Zanathor felt the man was still alive, he was facing a problem now, should he kill the jedi, nobody would know, should he leave the man, of should he get help from him. Zanathor looked at the blastershots of the jedi and saw he wouldn't last long without attendance, he reached to his robes and pulled out a rather large bottle of blue liquid "home made bacta" as he would call it. Zanathor spread the liquid to the jedi's wounds and dragged him away from the corridor to a nearby storeroom. Zanathor took the jedi's lightsaber and all the explosives he was carrying and hid them in the depths of his robes. He then walked outside the room and started to look around, he was obviously still around the storage area, as the corridor was still quite narrow and all the rooms seemed to be some kind of storerooms, Zanathor decided he would stay with the jedi until he would be alright, he didn't like the idea, but his rational mind overcame his hatred, he decided he would respect the alliance, no matter how repulsive it was. He knew it would take a few hours until the jedi's wounds would heal, so he decided to check out all the nearby rooms in case of some information. Suddenly he sensed several lifeforms approaching through the corridor, he quickly hid in the shadows and even shrouded himself with the power of the dark side. He saw a jedi running across the corridor towards him, the jedi was being chased by several creatures, Zanathor cursed all the jedi to rancorfood in his mind and waited until the jedi had passed him, he then engaged his sabers and cut down one of the attackers with a quick jab, the others reacted with great speed, two of them drew out a strange metal stick that was covered with some gold-coloured substance and one of them drew out a lightsaber!!

Also, you're using comma splices a lot. Just a suggestion.

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Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

I know I use a lot of comma. English is not my real language, so I'm not perfect in it

I will be dividing my next pieces into paragraphs, thanks for tha tip

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Mankind was once a small spark in danger of falling victim to even the smallest of breeze, but like all fires, this one started to grow. Now we are a firestorm, burning everything from our wake and we will not stop until we extinguish ourselves...or someone calls the fire department