Every saga has a beginning...
But the really popular sagas start in the middle...
With the beginning coming 20 years later.

Presenting.... Episode I of the rarely read, still unnamed saga of Mr Bouncy.

Episode I: The Phantom Instance

It is still a time of great strife, as it almost always is, due to the fact that if it wasn't a time of great strife, it wouldn't be very interesting. The evil Mr Cotton and his 555 IC Chippers have seized control of the basic electronics industry of Magoo, a relatively unknown island which doesn't actually exist.
Two programmers who are completely unrelated to the entire affair have somehow managed to locate this non-existant island but have been prevented from reaching the island by an evil tanker belonging to the 555 IC Chippers.

Act I Scene I:
The small boat the two programmers are on pulls up beside the great tanker.

Act I Scene II:
The programmers are sitting down in the cabin room.

Queer-on Ginn: I've drank an unusual amount of beer for something as trivial as this meeting.
Mr Powell: You didn't even know that we were going to have a meeting!
Queer-on Ginn: Didn't I?
Mr Powell: No!

*Queer-on Ginn stands up, looking very unbalanced and walks to the window.*

Queer-on Ginn: I've drank an-
Mr Powell: You've said that already.
Queer-on Ginn: Where are the toilets, I think I may have drunk an unusual-
Mr Powell: They're over there. *He points at the blindingly obvious toilets with a large neon sign saying 'Toilets'.*
Queer-on Ginn: Your insights serve you well.

*The director visibly twitches.*

Mr Powell: Just go to the toilet.

*Queer-on Ginn staggers into the toilets, hitting his head on the neon sign.*

Act I Scene III:
Mr Cotton is sitting around with a few other people.

Mr Cotton: Programmers, in here?
Assistant: Yes sir, but it's perfectly safe, their programmes will not work on our computers, our computers our not advanced enough to be affected.
Mr Cotton: We'd better send in the troops to be sure.
Assistant: Yes sir.

Act I Scene IV:
Mr Powell is waiting in the cabin room.

Mr Powell: I wonder when this damned meeting's going to happen...

*Four wheely bins are pushed in through the door. Mr Powell looks at them. They do nothing. He continues to stare at them while they continue to do nothing.*

Act I Scene V:
Just outside the cabin, five ICC troopers are waiting.

Trooper #1: Do you think the bins will work?
Trooper #2: Of course, they're very functional items.
Trooper #1: No, do you think they'll assassinate the programmers?
Trooper #3: Why would they?
Trooper #1: Then why did we send them in?
Trooper #4: Oh... I knew this one... We put them in to create a... erm...
Trooper #3: Foul stench?
Trooper #2: Functional waste disposal facility?
Trooper #5: A diversion?
Trooper #4: Yes! That's it! Now we have to go in through the back way.

*The troopers run around to the back door.*

Act I Scene VI:
Inside the cabin, Mr Powell is taking a glance inside the wheely bins. The five troopers sneak up behind him, but one of them steps on a twig and it snaps.

Trooper #5: Why would there be a twig on a boat in the middle of nowhere?

*Mr Powell spins around and grabbing his keyboard, swings upwards into the nearest trooper's chin. He then activates the keyboard and kills the other four, as they discover that they have no actual weapons with which to offend or defend.*

Mr Powell: Kiss my peripheral!

*He returns his keyboard and behind him the trooper he merely knocked out stands up, and is poised to hit Mr Powell when Queer-on Ginn bursts out of the door, stumbles over onto the trooper and pins him to the ground.*

Queer-on Ginn: Give me my drink!!
Trooper #4: Get off me, you drunken lout!
Queer-on Ginn: Lout?! I've been called a few things in my life but that just takes the biscuit. Give me my biscuit!!
Trooper #4: You're crazy, get off of me!
Queer-on Ginn: Give me my biscuit or I'll roger you to death!!
Mr Powell: Queer-on, I think we should just kill him.
Queer-on Ginn: Well can you take care of it? I need the toilet again.

*Queer-on staggers back to the toilets.*

Trooper #4: Are you gonna kill me?
Mr Powell: I was just gonna rough you up a bit, but I've lost my appetite for killing, just get lost.

*The trooper flees. Queer-on Ginn walks back out, and is even more ungainly as he hasn't pulled his trousers back up.*

Mr Powell: Your trousers are around your ankles.
Queer-on Ginn: Your insights serve you well.
Mr Powell: I think we should leave...
Queer-on Ginn: No, I have a better idea! Let's sneak into one of their rowing boats so that we have to make a desperate escape later, plus it will mean we'll get to Magoo rather faster since I drank the petrol for our boat.
Mr Powell: You're oddly coherent, I don't think that's a good plan bearing in mind your apparent sobriety.
Director: Just do it, it sounds fun.
Mr Powell: *Sigh* Come on then, lets find a rowing boat.

Act II Scene I:
The daring programmers have found themselves ashore on Magoo, but they aren't alone in the rowing boat - the evil Mr Cotton himself is in the boat too, trying desperately to heave himself out of the boat.

Queer-on Ginn: Let's get him!
Director: NO!! He's a key character in Episode II, well, not really a key character... in fact he's even less active in that than in this...
Mr Powell: Should we kill him?
Mr Cotton: If you look, my left ear is lower than my right ear.
Mr Powell: That's great.

*Mr Powell activates his keyboard and kills Mr Cotton.*

Mr Powell: God he was boring.
Queer-on Ginn: I'd still fu-
Mr Powell: No you wouldn't, so just stop there, we have to find that excrutiatingly annoying fish dude or whatever.
Queer-on Ginn: Lead the way my young marzipan.
Mr Powell: Don't you mean padawan?
Director: *Jumping out of his seat.* No he damned well doesn't!!
Mr Powell: Ok... marzipan actually sounds a hell of a lot better.

*They walk off and find a perfectly normal looking human.*

Mr Powell: Who are you?
Jar-Jar Spinks: I'm Jar-Jar Spinks.
Mr Powell: That's a rather unfortunate name.
Jar-Jar Spinks: You've got a rather unfortunate face.
Mr Powell: *Grabbing his keyboard.* Hey!
Queer-on Ginn: Calm down, if he dies, I can't have a love storyline with him.
Mr Powell: You aren't going to have a love storyline with him anyway.
Queer-on Ginn: Oh... *He is very upset.*
Jar-Jar Spinks: So what do you guys want?
Mr Powell: We want to find Queen Mavis, can you take us to her?
Jar-Jar Spinks: You after a bit of rumpy-pumpy eh?
Mr Powell: No, not really, we just have to find her because she's integral to the storyline.
Jar-Jar Spinks: I guess I might have a love storyline after all then. *He rubs his hands together.*
Queer-on Ginn: No, I'm afraid Mr Bouncy has a love storyline, and then their son in the next film.
Mr Powell: How did you know that?
Queer-on Ginn: I'm not as stupid as I smell.
Mr Powell: Thank god for that, but how did you know?
Queer-on Ginn: Know what? Where are the toilets?
Jar-Jar Spinks: It's a jungle, go where you want, just away from me.

*Queer-on staggers off.*

*Five minutes later.*

*Queer-on staggers back.*

Mr Powell: Trousers.

*Queer-on pulls his trousers up.*

Mr Powell: Toilet paper.

*Queer-on removes the toilet paper from his head.*

Queer-on Ginn: Look! Now I'm the happy tree!!
Jar-Jar Spinks: He needs help, serious help.
Mr Powell: He's not that bad when he's drunk.
Jar-Jar Spinks: You mean he's sober?
Mr Powell: Well, as close to sober as I've seen him, look, he's managing to balance with just his legs.
Jar-Jar Spinks: Wow, even I have trouble with that sometimes.
Mr Powell: Well quite, but I think we should go now, this is developing into a distinctly boring scene.
Jar-Jar Spinks: Yeah.

---------------------------------------------
To be continued...

Very amusing so far Can't say I approve of the name for Qui-Gonn, but then again, it could jsut be the politicaly correct...point being, I found what you have so far to be good. I await to see more of this

------------------
Check out the following stories:
The Neverending Story Thread(comedy *sci-fi/fantasy*)--never finished--

(in story order)
The Change (The Second War) (sci-fi/fantasy) --not finished/on hold--
The Crusade--tentative title (fantasy/sci-fi) --To Be Announced--
Saga of the 3rd War (fantasy/sci-fi) --finished--
The Shadows of Darkness (fantasy/sci-fi) --finished--
The Eternal War (fantasy/sci-fi) --not finished/IN PRODUCTION--

Act II Scene II:
Theme Palace, Queen Mavis of Magoo is sitting on her throne, she is an attractive 14 year old. By her side is Mr Bouncy in his 20s.

Queen Mavis: Is there nothing we can do to stop the evil invasion of the evil 555 IC chippers?
Mr Bouncy: We could go into your room.
Queen Mavis: Sounds good. You with the big beard.
Flakgnaoeugbn: Yes?
Queen Mavis: You have a stupid name. Captain Pancake, you sort out this threat.
Cpt. Pancake: Yes ma'am.

*Queen Mavis and Mr Bouncy run off into Queen Mavis's room.*

*2 hours later.*

*Queen Mavis and Mr Bouncy run back in, looking very hot and bothered.*

Cpt. Pancake: So we're decided? Flakgnaoeugbn has the stupidest name.
Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: I thought I had the stupidest name!
Flakgnaoeugbn: You're name is n00bish next to mine!
Director: My name's pretty stupid.
Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: What is your name?
Director: Forget I said anything.

*Queer-on Ginn burts through a window. Mr Powell and Jar-Jar Spinks walk in through the door.*

Cpt. Pancake: He's got a pretty stupid name. *He points to Queer-on.*
Queen Mavis: How do you know?
Cpt. Pancake: Forget I said anything.
Flakgnaoeugbn: Memory purged.
Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Geek.
Flakgnaoeugbn: n00b.
Cpt. Pancake: w00t!
Queen Mavis: w0t?
Cpt. Pancake: Not w0t, w00t.
Queen Mavis: I know, but w0t is w00t?
Flakgnaoeugbn: No one actually knows what it means now, this new *******ised version of w00t. Back in the good old days everybody knew that w00t meant 'with overly old tights', but now that name no longer has any meaning.
Mr Powell: Really?
Flakgnaoeugbn: Nah, I just made it up.
Writer: Can we just kill this Flakgnaoeugbn guy off? My hands really ache.
Mr Powell: Aren't you the director?
Writer: Wait until the credits.
Queen Mavis: So what has caused Captain Pancake to say w00t?
Writer: I don't know, I've been trying to stall that eventuality.
Queer-on Jinn: How about he thought my window stunt was 1337?
Writer: No...
Cpt. Pancake: I know! It's Queen Mavis who now looks 9 months pregnant.
Queen Mavis: What?! *She looks down to discover that she is in fact 9 months pregnant.*
Mr Powell: What's going on?
Flakgnaoeugbn: It's growing at film speed!
Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Someone call a doctor!!

*Mr Powell flips a mobile phone out of his pocket.*

Cheesy tune: The Carphone Warehouse *Doo dee doo*
Mr Powell: Argh!!

*Mr Powell drops his phone at the fear of the terrible jingle.*

Cpt. Pancake: Argh!!
Queen Mavis: What now?
Cpt. Pancake: Sorry, I couldn't resist the peer pressure.
Queen Mavis: Argh!!
Flakgnaoeugbn: Resist the peer pressure your majesty.
Queen Mavis: This isn't peer pressure, it's labour!!
Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Did anybody actually call a doctor?

*Everybody exchanges glances.*

Cpt. Pancake: What kind of a glance was that?
Director: I don't know, just glance accusingly, or in a denial of blame.
Mr Powell: God, do I have to do everything?
Queen Mavis: Well if you actually looked back on the script you'd realise that ... yes you do.
Mr Powell: *Sigh* I'll just plug my keyboard into the main computer, scramble the wave modulation until it sounds like a voice calling for a doctor and then transmit it to the main communications satellite which will reroute the message to the nearest hospital.
Queen Mavis: Or you could just use the phone over there.
Mr Powell: So there's been a phone there all the time and nobody thought to go over there and make the call?

*Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn walks over to the phone and dials in the number.*

Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Yes, hello ... doctor ... it is an emergency ... sudden pregnancy due to film speed ... Theme Palace ... no, go easy on the pepper ... no I don't think the bowl of soup will be necessary ... yes I am free tonight ... my name is Sir Stockton Langfo-... oh, fair enough, I think it's a stupid name too ... but at least it's not as bad as Flakgnaoeugbn ... Flakgnaoeugbn ... never mind ... yes right away.
Queen Mavis: Well?
Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: They'll be here any minute with an American Hot pizza and garlic bread.
Queen Mavis: Fair enough.

*A doctor runs in through the door.*

Doctor Jones: Did anybody call for a doctor?

*A nurse runs in through the door.*

Nurse Mary: Did anybody order a pizza?
Cpt. Pancake: Well hellooooooo nurse!

*Nurse Mary slaps Captain Pancake.*

Cpt. Pancake: Fair enough.
Doctor Jones: So did anybody call for a doctor?
Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: I did, her majesty the Queen Mavis of Magoo is pregnant with a child that is growing at film speed.
Doctor Jones: Deary me we shall have to be quick!
Mr Powell: Well quite.
Queen Mavis: Argh!!
Mr Powell: Oh, looks like we wont be needing you doctor.

*Camera pans to reveal Queen Mavis and her son, who is fully clothed and looks about 5 years old.*

Mannequin: Yippee!
Mr Powell: Shutup.
Mannequin: I'm gonna be a jedi!
Mr Powell: Perhaps I should reiterate ... SHUTUP!
Mr Bouncy: We cannot possibly take care of this child, doctor, could you please take him to an orphans home, and name him Mannequin Bouncy!
Doctor Jones: Certainly.
Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Don't worry about the film speed at the moment, it'll be a while until his next growth spurt.
Doctor Jones: Very well.
Mannequin: Goodbye mom!
Queen Mavis: Yeah, whatever.

*A tear rolls down Mannequin's face, evil music plays in the background.*

Mr Powell: Could we get the orchestra out of here? They're kind of unsettling.

Act III Scene I:
Mr Cotton's assistant, Newt Sunray, is talking to somebody on Microsoft Video Conference.

Newt Sunray: My lord, the island of Magoo is less heavily armoured than we had anticipated.
???: Excellent, begin your takeover.
Newt Sunray: My lord, is that legal?
???: ... Yes.
Newt Sunray: ... Really?
???: Yes, now begin landing your troops!
Newt Sunray: *Looks at script.* I think we already have...
???: No time to lose eh?
Newt Sunray: No, it appears not.
???: I am sending my apprentice, Darth Ward to help you.

*An old man with a beard going all over his face steps into view.*

???: May the standard library be with you.

*The screen fades.*

Mr Bouncy: A programmer? Here?
Newt Sunray: What are you doing here?
Mr Bouncy: Oops, wrong scene!

*Mr Bouncy runs off.*

Newt Sunray: We're a bit lapse on security right now!
Darth Ward: ...

*Newt Sunray spins around to see Darth Ward standing ominously in the doorway. He gulps.*

Newt Sunray: So ... you're a programmer then?

Act III Scene II:
The terribly disorganised Theme Palace has managed to get some order, but only because everybody has been taken capture by the 555 IC troops. But thankfully Mr Powell, Jar-Jar and slightly-less-thankfully Queer-on Ginn have managed to evade capture.

Queer-on Ginn: I have a hand!
Mr Powell: You mean you have a plan?
Queer-on Ginn: You mean I don't have a hand?
Mr Powell: *Sigh.* So what's the plan?
Queer-on Ginn: Well, I go and seduce them with my wicked charm, then, while I'm busy engaging in-
Mr Powell: Conversation.
Queer-on Ginn: Exactly, you take the Queen and anybody else you can find with you a get out of here.
Mr Powell: And what will you do?
Queer-on Ginn: I hang around a bit until Darth Ward shows up, and then you can rescue me.
Mr Powell: Darth who?
Queer-on Ginn: Don't worry.
Jar-Jar Spinks: Hey, shouldn't he fight this Ward dude slightly later, like after the kid's won at podracing?
Mr Powell: Hmmmm, I think it's best to get it out of the way so we don't have to worry about it later.
Jar-Jar Spinks: Fair enough. Hey, do you get any of this?
Mr Powell: Not really.
Jar-Jar Spinks: Good good.
Queer-on Ginn: Now is my chance!
Mr Powell: Go!!

*Queer-on Ginn walks over to the 555 IC troopers.*

Queer-on Ginn: Hello boys.
Trooper #4: Not you again!
Trooper #6: Take him prisoner!
Queer-on Ginn: Wouldn't you rather take me some place else?
Trooper #4: No, just prisoner.
Trooper #7: Look over there!

*Trooper #7 points to Mr Powell and Jar-Jar who are untying the ropes around the Queen and various other people.*

Trooper #6: Don't let them escape! Especially not Flakgnaoeugbn, because he is due for execution for having a stupid name, as is Lord Stockton Langford Algedbarn!
Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: That's Mr Stockton Langford Algedbarn to you, oh no wait, Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn!

*Mr Powell, Jar-Jar and the others are making their way out of Theme Palace.*

Sir Stockton Langford Algedbarn: Wait for me!
Trooper #7: Why haven't we done anything?
Trooper #5: Charge!!
Trooper #6: Aren't you meant to be dead?
Trooper #5: Oh yeah, sorry!

*Trooper #5 falls to the floor.*

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Used to be halcyon.
Got a brain.

[This message has been edited by Jagged Conscience (edited July 03, 2002).]