Alright, we all know that the last Massassi Temple life of the doom sunk like the titanic, mainly because people wouldn't post in it, and probably because we didn't have this many regulars at that time.

That above sentence I may be talking out of my rear.

So, why don't we give it a shot again?




Stinkywrix was not very pleased. He never was very pleased, for he had the amusing task of being the Security Guard, and he knew that gave him the title of being the first to be killed in a horror flick.

He also had to scan the idiots that came into the temple and make sure they didn't bring any guns, bombs, MadQuack, hax, or girls into the Temple.

Heaven forbid that Girls got into the temple.

Stinky then took a look at BoB, his companion, and muttered the following words.

Stinky: Looks like it's time for another daily rush. I hope to god we don't get any hax again. My boxers were scorched for a week.

BoB: Yes sir.

Stinky: The cars are already starting to pile in, looks it's time to open the doors BoB.

BoB: Yes sir.

Stinky opened the doors, and wondered what the day would bring them...

Tony pulled himself up out of the doggy-basket that he had acquired to sleep in. It had been a long night, and- wait a minute...

Tony: Where am I?

You're back at the beginning. Remenber your last adventure here?

Tony: I remember... escaping... and lag. Lots of lag.

Well, it looks like the proverbial server has had a rollback.

Tony: Whaa?

Tch. I can't be arsed to sort out any amnesia today. Anyway... Tony pulled himself up, yadda yadda... He looked up against the huge bulk of the Massassi Temple, its brown-grey sandstone and rock structure jutting out among the car parks that surrounded the area. He gazed blearily up to it for a little while before a man appeared behind him.

Man: Excuse me, sir...

He proffered an object towards Tony. It was big, it looked heavy, and was probably also made out of wood.

Man: Would you like to buy a log, sir?

Tony: No, I do NOT want a log.

Man: LKet me give you a rundown of the umpteen features of new Log, sir!

As the salesman started to speak incomprehensibly, Tony's face gradually shifted from confusion, into realisation and anger as something clicked.

Tony: Wait a minute... you're Ad McBanner!

McBanner: Possibly, sir. Possibly. Would you like to purchase the new Log then, sir? The version two has MMPH!!

With a well-calculated swing, Tony brought his saucepan around in a three hundered degree arc and made rather a mess of the salesman's face. Memories could be horrible. At least this time he didn't steal the salesman's clothes. Urrgh... there are some things that best not be repeated. Satisfied, although still rather tired, he placed the saucepan back on his head with a complete lack of finesse and haphazardly strode towards the entrance.

The temple doors had just swung open when Boco strolled in past a surly security guard muttering to his companion who was likely to be killed off at the first sign of trouble. He swiped his Massassian card in the machine on the wall as every Massassian is inclined to do before he can enter.

Boco skipped over the threshold as the doors into the inner temple clicked open. The temple had been closed for business for short whiles lately before opening the doors again. Apparently the last few hours, Brian had been fixing a hole in the temple walls allowing things inside, but everything was supposed to be better now.

Boco: What the kak?

Everything was dazzling white and burning Boco’s eyes. He shut them tight for a few minutes trying to grab the realisation that the temple was no longer green; he was expecting the doors to open and armies of 11 year olds burst in yelling “lolz I R in teh building”. Boco opened his eyes again and everything was back to good old green and black marble, however everything had moved. All of a sudden the stairs and lifts were on the wrong sides of the main hall. Boco shrugged and continued to the elevators.

“I wonder if anything else has changed” Boco thought to himself as the elevator doors opened.

“Hello,” said the elevator sweetly, “I am to be your elevator for this trip to the floor of your choice. I have been designed by Theo Engineering and Datonics to take you, the visitor to The Massassi Temple, into these offices.

“Yeah,” said Boco, stepping into it, “what else do you do besides talk?”
“I go up,” said the elevator, “or down.”
“Good,” said Boco, “we’re going up.”
“Or down,” the elevator reminded him.
“Yeah, OK, up please”
“Fifteenth floor?”
“Please.”

The elevator, who liked to be known as Ted wasn’t quite as reluctant to move as the elevators in the offices of The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy on Ursa Major Beta.

Oxyonagon peered around the cold stone doors. He slid carefully into the lobby, trying not to be noticed. Just... a bit... further. A cold hand lay onto his shoulder, Oxyonagon turned.

"ID please?" cautioned BoB. He gazed at Oxyonagon, who was standing oddly and whimpering.

Oh god now what?

Oxyonagon muttered "Well you see, that would be the case."

"What?" said BoB.

"Good" prompted Oxyonagon.

Oxyonagon strolls into the elevator shunning the doors shut on the BoB's face. Pressing his fingers against most of the walls in search of a panel, he slumps into the corner.

"Up or Down?" whispered the elevator seductively to Oxyonagon.

"Well if you want to go down..." he replied.

"Or we could go up..." the elevator told him in a metallic whisper.

"Down then." he decided.

The elevator buzzed into action and shuddered slowly downwards. All seemed perfectly normal, the odd cranks and jutters of it's movement. Suddenly the elevator jolted vigourously and left Oxyonagon dazed.

"Ah... "

"umm..." asked Oxyonagon.

"We've stopped." comfirmed the elevator, but the doors did not open.

Oxyonagon fumbled at the emergency panels, looking for some form of report feature. He was disapointed that they hadn't been set-up properly. Instead, he slowly unpacked his lunch and began chewing on a ham sandwich. It was a good sandwich.

Stinkywrix was enjoying his cup of tea at the moment, when the security control panel started bleeping.

He hated it when it blept.

It was so annoying, and blept to the barney theme song.
He pulled up the console to find out what was going on, to discover the fact that an elevator had stopped.

He hated getting the elevator back up.


"BoB, make sure no one gets in without proper cleareance, I have to go help the poor individual out of the elevator."

"Yes sir."

Said BoB.

Stinky wondered if BoB said anything other then "Yes sir."

He pulled out his flashlight, and went down the corridor.

Damn it.

Wolfy jiggled inside the flashlight next to the other battery. When the temp agency had listed this as a "job with a bright future," he didn't imagine that the moron who wrote the entry simply had a really bad sense of humor.

But, hey, it was a job.

The switch above him clicked on, and he felt the current running through him. Always made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He listened closely - the current was loud today - and made out the words "elevator" and "broken."

Again? You'd think that the building administrator would actually fix that someday. Suddenly, he was jolted and tumbled as the flashlight fell from the hand of the person who held it. What was going on?

Zecks wandered along, reading today's issue of The Massassian. He was nearing the temple, managing to avoid those who had stopped right in his path. When he finally reached the entrance to the Massassi Temple, he was stopped by BoB.

BoB: I'm going to need to see some identification, sir.

Zecks closed the newspaper, folded it in half. He dug around in his pockets for a minute, and flashed his ID.

Zecks: Will that do?

BoB: Yes, sir, I believe that does it.

Zecks: Where's Stinkywrix on this fine day?

BoB: The elevator has stopped once again, sir, and someone has gotten stuck yet again.

Zecks: Oh, again, eh? Well, say hello to Stinkywrix for me, will you?

BoB: Yes, sir. Have a good day, sir.

Zecks: You too.

Zecks wandered on into the temple, with BoB left standing at the entrance, trying to look important. He walked by the elevator, noticing that it said "Out Of Order" on a small sign. Zecks chuckled, knowing the someone was always getting stuck in the elevator. That's why he preferred the stairs, even if it was a bit time-consuming. He had plenty of time, however, for the present.

Phoenix calmly entered the temple. His dark glasses reflecting the entire lobby in their lenses and a long black trench coat flowing around him. He walked slowly and deliberately through the metal detector which began to wail incessently almost immediately. BoB moved over toward Phoenix, blocking his path, and raised his metal detection wand.

BoB : I need to see some ID, would you also please remove any metallic items you may be carrying: keys, loose change...

Phoenix throws open his coat, revealing an arsenal of guns, knives, and grenades slung from a climbing harness, along with a rather drab mail bag.

BoB : Holy ****... The mail man from HELL!

BoB collapsed onto the floor and urinated in his pants. Phoenix calmly closed his coat and stepped over him, heading towards the stairwell.

The mail, was here.

[I'm going to draw a little bit from the original story here]

The doors of "Ted" the elevator snapped open on floor 15 and he let out a relaxed sigh of happiness as Boco stepped out onto the green marble floor.
"Cheeky Bugger." Boco thought to himself as Ted shut and sped up towards the top floor.
It was rumored that Brian's office was situated on floor 15.* Nobody had actually seen Brian in their time at the temple, he just broadcast announcements over the temple every so often, which was peculiar as the temple had no PA system...

So Boco set off to be the first Massassian to grace Brian's office, he had some important suggests to make regarding the temple. Meanwhile in the lobby Oxyonagon was talking to a security guard.

Boco rounded a corner into yet another Marble corridor lined with Oak doors, however something was odd about this particular corridor; it was much brighter than the others, and there was a large white stone door inset from the others opposite a large opening with benches and elevators lining the side. As Boco approached the stone door a chill ran down him femur; spines were never his thing but that’s a totally different story altogether. He reached for the blaster pistol hidden inside his jacket [the daft security never searched him for some reason] incase of trouble. Just as the thought “I better reach for my blaster pistol incase of trouble” ran through Boco’s head, the 2 rBots behind the wall guarding Brian’s office sprung to life.

The rBots burst through the wall and dove into Boco from both sides; not a smart move. rBot 2 was immobilized as rBot 1 hit Boco’s pistol, causing it to discharge in his ally’s face. “Oh bugger” thought rBot 1 as he got back on his feet in front of a dazed intruder who was leaning against a bench. rBot 1 disarmed the human just as he regained his bearings, grabbed his wrist and hurled him towards the doors of an elevator that liked to be known as Jim. Boco left a Boco shaped hole as he went clean through the doors to Jim’s elevator shaft.

“Oh BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMM……..”

Several floors below, “Jim” jolted Vigorously as a body landed on top of him with a dull thump, and left the occupant dazed.

Back up on floor 15 Zecks emerged from a stairwell wheezing and found the corridor littered with rubble and a human shaped hole in an elevator door.


*
[Well actually floor fifteen wasn't so much rumored as to where Brian office was, but in fact was where Brian's office was and everyone knew, it was just that nobody went near it because Brian was mean.]

Myn glanced at the screen and muttered a curse.

C:/massassi/hack
Invalid Command

C:/massassi/hack/1337skillz
Invalid Command

Shadowstar glared at the screen and scratched his head.

C:/windows/hack/massassi
Invalid Command

Myn tapped his foot and glanced at the clock.

Being the elite hacker he was, Myn was hacking into the system for
a very importiant code.

"Son of a..." Myn glared at the screen again.

C:/win/Directory/Massassi/hack/refrig
What part of Invalid Command do you not understand?

Myn shrugged and turned off the computer, spining around in his chair,
he bent down to the small refrigeration unit that had a keypad.

"Little bugger..." Myn pulled out a small utility tool and stabbed the pad, causing a short ciruit and giving Myn a 10 volt buzz.

After he recovered he opened the refrigerator, snagged two beers and placed one on another chair.

Watching the mailman with increased interest on his plasma screen TV monitor, Myn grinned as he watched BoB faint.

"I wonder if anything came in from DHL today." Myn pulled on his coat and ran for the lobby, hoping he could get to his mail before brian did.

[ok so its been forever since i've posted. Interesting idea I must say. I'm gonna play completely by ear this time. -Skyhopper]

Phoenix unemotionally jogged up the stairwell. His destination? Brian's office. Rumor had it his office was at then end of a marble corridor lined with oak doors. This corridor, however, was much brighter than the others, and there was a large white stone door inset from the others opposite a large opening with benches and elevators lining the side. Phoenix didn't really care what it looked like.

After a brisk 20 minute jog up the stairwell, he reached the famed corridor, and began a lazy walk towards the office when, out of nowhere, two beings blocked his path. They were Rbots.

Rbots are special "programs". Anyone could own them, but few had the knowledge needed to use them to their full potential. Being that anyone could own them, this meant that both good and evil had them at their disposal. Rbots come in many versions, the most common being 0.5s and 1.0s. Versions of up to 2.0 were rumored, but doubted to exist, as they would have a power equivalent to that of a God. All Rbots wore a dark brown suit and black tie with sunglasses not unlike Phoenix's, which reflected the world around them. They also tended to have a rather uncanny resemblance to Hugo Weaving...

They spoke in a monotone emotionless voice...

"What do we have here..." said Rbot1.

"Looks like yet another bothersome person." said Rbot2.

"Agreed. Hello Mr. Phoenix..." said Rbot1.

Phoenix stopped dead in his tracks. He narrowed his eyes. "How do you know my name?", he inquired.

"We know much Mr. Phoenix. More than you can possibly imagine. The entire wealth of knowledge that this temple possesses is at our finger tips." Rbot 2 said.

"Indeed," began Phoenix, "How very interesting. I, however, do not have time for this. I have mail to deliver." Phoenix made a move to brush between the two Rbots, they quickly closed the gap and blocked him out.

Phoenix raised his head, stared at them, and decided it was time to take action. He pulled a gun out from under his coat, flicked the saftey off, and shot Rbot 1. All in the space of a second.

Rbot 1, however, was prepared for this and dodged it.

"Hmm...." Phoenix said aloud.

"Indeed." said Rbot 1.

"HEY! YOU! OVER HERE! WHOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" said an unidentifed man behind them all who quickly ran off.

Rbots 1 and 2 raised an eyebrow.

"I'll take care of that one." Rbot 1 claimed, and walked off.

Phoenix paused for a moment, staring directly into the lifeless eyes of the RBot 2. He cracked his knuckles, the Rbot cracked his neck.

"If you'll excuse me Rbot, as I've said, I've mail that needs to be delivered." Phoenix said as he raised his gun again.

"I'm sorry Mr. Phoenix, but that isn't happening." Replied the RBot in a steady monotone voice. "Brian is a busy man, and has no time for your silly mail."

"We'll see about that." Phoenix retorted, "Lets say we go to the roof, it's a bit cramped in this hallway."

"Have it your way Phoenix, you're only prolonging the inevitable. For opening fire on an Rbot guard there is only one penalty. Death. I will kill you, be it here... Or up there." The Bot said as he faintly gestured with his eyes.

Phoenix said nothing, but gestured in the direction of the elevator. "After you."

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly." Said the Rbot, "You first, please, be my guest."

"No, I simply insist you must go first. You're not afraid of me, are you?" Phoenix quickly shot back.

The RBot sighed. "It matters not, you'll be dead soon." He walked to the elevator with Phoenix close behind him.

The elevator doors in the Massassi Temple are special in that they open when you come near them. A result of their GPP (Genuine People Personality) programming. And as the RBot approached the elevator, this is exactly what happened and what he expected. What he did not expect, however, is that there would be no elevator there due to a mixup several days earlier in which a certain Neo and Trinity cut the cables to the elevator and blew it up whilst thinking they were freeing one Morpheus, some cultist leader for a city called Zion. The mixup was soon resolved and the two were sent to the building next door, which was where they really needed to be.

As the doors opened and Mr. RBot saw that there was no elevator, the words, "Hmm... thats odd, there's no elevator." ran through his head. At precisely the same instant, Phoenix had the words, "Whoa, that's a big hole, lets see how far down it is.", run through his head.

With that, Phoenix shoved the RBot into the elevator shaft and he fell.

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Screamed the RBot.

The scream echoed around for a bit, then faded, and a few short minutes later (yes, mimutes) he was rewarded with a distant soft *THUD*.

"Hey, that's a pretty long drop." He remarked. Then stepped back and allowed the doors to close. He pondered over what had happened for a brief moment, composed himself, and walked back towards Brian's office. The mail was going to be a tad early today.

Zecks was running down the corridor as fast as he could, but RBot 1 was still gaining on him. He went to round the corner back into the stairwell from which he came as his pursuer caught his back leg, causing him to tumble down a flight of stairs.

Ouch.

Zecks sprang to his feet and wiped the blood off his now burst nose. He swung his fist towards the RBot, who caught it and used the rest of his arm as a lever to throw Zecks down another flight of stairs.

"This could take a while." Zecks thought to himself, his nose now dripping salty blood on the marble, it was a horrible clash of colour, but looked rather festive. He then got the idea that he could get out of this fight by reasoning.

"Excuse me Mr RBot," he said "but why are you here dealing with me when you should be on the floor above defending Brian's office from the mailman?"

"RBot 2 is dealing with the mail, we only need one RBot to defend against one person."

"But wait, didn't the other RBot die 3 posts ago?"

"Yes, well, er, umm, BE QUIET! Umm, wait a minute, if he's there and I'm here, theres a guy unconscious in the lift shaft and we have plot holes 12 posts in, then..... Oh Bugger."

And with a loud pop the RBot was back on the fifteenth floor. RBot 2 was lying in a heap amongst some rubble next to a human shaped hole in the lift doors. The mailman was infront of him cracking his neck, meanwhile an unidentified human was approaching him from behind.


"If you'll excuse me Rbot, as I've said, I've mail that needs to be delivered." Phoenix said as he raised his gun again.

"I'm sorry Mr. Phoenix, but that isn't happening." Replied the RBot in a steady monotone voice. "Brian is a busy man, and has no time for your silly mail."

"We'll see about that." Phoenix retorted, "Lets say we go to the roof, it's a bit cramped in this hallway."

"Have it your way Phoenix, you're only prolonging the inevitable. For opening fire on an Rbot guard there is only one penalty. Death. I will kill you, be it here... Or up there." The Bot said as he faintly gestured with his eyes.

Phoenix said nothing, but gestured in the direction of the elevator. "After you."

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly." Said the Rbot, "You first, please, be my... hold the phone... You've killed me off twice now using this routine, it isn't happening aga...."

And at that moment Phoenix grabbed the RBot's neck and threw him towards the lift doors.

The elevator doors in the Massassi Temple are special in that they open when you come near them. A result of their GPP (Genuine People Personality) programming. And as the RBot was thrown towards the elevator, this is exactly what happened and definately not what he expected.

"NOT AAGGGAAAAAIIIIIINNNNNNN!"



This loud yelling woke Boco out of his involuntary slumber, who then opened the flap in the top of the circular lift.

"Ey Up." he said to a rather surprised looking Oxyonagon who was in the middle of his lunch. "I know you're busy with being trapped in this lift eating lunch and all, but fancy helping me out with some sentries outside Brian's office?"

"Sure, it's a wee bit cramped in here," was the reply "I'm Oxyonagon by the way."

"Boco."

"Pleased to meet you."


And with that they began climbing 17 stories worth of lift cable. Their poor hands.

Stinkywrix stopped at the elevator door, and thought. Should I really open this door up and rescue the poor sod? he then thought some more, and decided that he needed this job, and facing the wrath of Brian wasn't a fun aspect.

He grabbed his crowbar and pried the door open and peered down.

He saw two massassians climbing up the rope cable, and he yelled down to them.



"Hey! You guy's need a hand down there?"

Boco yelled back

"Any help at all would be extremely helpful! I don't particularly like the prospect of climbing the whole seventeen feet!"


"Alright, hold on then!"

Stinky then began pulling on the cables, bringing them up towards safety.

They thanked Stinky, and ran off to climb some more stairs to get wherever they were heading.

Stinky shrugged, and decided to follow them just for the heck of it.

[I'm bored, so I thought I'd write]

Boco and Oxyonagon reached floor 15 again a little red in the face. Somehow they lost the security guard around the 6th floor when he tripped and had a stitch. As soon as disaster strikes the temple he'll be the first one to go.

They approached the large opening opposite Brian's office expecting to find the RBot that had thrown Boco down the lift shaft, but were instead greeted by 2 strangers, a pile of rubber, and a set of lift doors with a familiarly shaped hole in them.

"Ey Up, what happened to the RBot?" Boco asked the 2 strangers, looking slightly bewildered, partly because he hadn't had a good fight scene, partly because he just realised that they hadn't made Wispas since 1997.

"Dead. Fell down the lift shaft." replied Pheonix, who knew that they hadn't made Wispas since 1997.

Boco looked accusingly towards the hole he left in the doors, wondering if the RBot was really dead.

"So what are you two waiting here for then?"

"Well we're waiting to see just incase the bot was killed, I got a sneaking suspicion I heard the idiot that fell down there groaning earlier, so the bot might not be dead either."

"Heh, you'd have to be a real idiot to fall down a lift shaft." Boco said, going pink in the face.

"Wait a minute, didn't you say on the way up here you f...... *gargle*" Oxyonagon butted in with as Boco grabbed him the the throat.

"Going to see Brian then?" Boco inquired, still holding Oxyonagon, who's face was turning the colour of a wrapper off a Wispa that hadn't been made since 1997.

"Yeah, we have some mail to deliver."

"I have a message about improvements for the temple to give him."

"K, I'm Pheonix by the way."

"Boco."

"Zecks."

"Ox..in..g..n."

Unbeknownst to Stinkywrix, the end cap of his flashlight popped up unexpectedly, and the two batteries fell out as he ran after the two fellows he had rescued.

Wolfy felt his head rebound off of the insides of the battery as he clattered to the floor. The current was gone; had he fallen out of the flashlight?

Whoa. He was rolling.

The two batteries continue in their motion toward the open elevator shaft.

Oh, my.

Down they fall, crashing into the bottom and cracking up. Wolfy is spilled out onto the bottom, sprawled across it.

"Oooooh. My head."

Wolfy looked up. Fifteen feet, at least, back up there.

"Hey!" he called out. "Anyone up there?"

These were the times he hated his job.


Being the security guard really sucked, you know that?
Asides from being guaranteed the first to die when chaos started, you also had to deal with everybody.

People could be very irritating.

And Stinkywrix, well, he was in pain right now.

Tripping down on the temple floor hurt very, very much.
And he was very, very angry.

"That's it Brian! I quit!"

He yelled.

"You can't quit, I own your soul!"

Damn. Stinkywrix never thought about that part.

"Well then I will walk around a soulless entity for the rest of my life!"

Brian didn't respond, and Stinky thought that he was free.

He got up, brushed himself off, and started heading back up the stairs.

Boco, Oxyonagon, Pheonix, and Zecks checked for any other Rbot guards protecting Brian's office. The group found none left.

"What are we waiting for?" Boco asked, impatient.

"Yeah, let's just go," said Pheonix, wanting to deliver the mail before any Rbots showed back up.

Pheonix lead the group down the corridor, towards the door to Brian's office. Zecks followed just behind the rest of the group, cautiously searching for any sign of an Rbot ambush. In fact, he was so into looking around, he did not notice that the rest of the group had smashed into a force field just ahead of him, and Zecks smashed right into the rest of the group.

"Why'd you guys stop?" Zecks asked, not realizing there was a force field.

"There's a force field blocking the door to Brian's office," Pheonix replied to Zecks's dumb question.

Boco and Oyonagon both chimed in, "What are we going to do now?"

Pheonix, ticked that he had come so close to entering, retorted, "Well what do you think we're going to do? We've got to look for some way to shut this field down so we can get in."

Zecks said, "This is a big temple, though, Pheonix. It'd be best if we split up, so I'll head down to the middle levels and look there. Good luck to you guys."

Zecks wandered back towards the stairs as the rest of the group watched him go. Zecks traveled down to the middle levels, wondering where to begin his search. The middle of the Massassi Temple was the editing section--a section that Zecks had never frequented in all of his time here. Sighing to himself, he tried to decide where to start first.

"Hello?"

And so the other 3 characters that couldn't really be referred to as heroes yet split up in different directions to look for a way to turn off Brian's forcefield. Boco took the lowest floors, the other section [filled with tech help, music and gaming organisation]. Pheonix took the difficult task of searching the Main section, which was the largest, and Oxyonagon was given the task of finding and searching through the hidden sections of Love and Ego.

"Great, where do I start with this place?" Boco thought to himself while pacing outside Brian's office. Something caught the corner of his eye. It was a small square of black marble underneath one of the benches. He crosses the rubble covered floor and ends up spread-eagled.

"Bugger."

Well, at least he'd found his blaster he lost earlier. He got up, dusted himself off and carfully tip-toed over any other rubble piles. Boco squatted down and lifted the marble plate in the floor up from the corners, revealing a big red button just begging to be pushed.

He pushed it.

"Surely the switch isn't this obvious?"

A screen slid out of the wall and an evil bearded chin appeared.


"DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT THE WAY INTO THE GREAT BRIAN'S OFFICE WOULD BE THAT EASY? YOU'RE NOTHING BUT AN UNWANTED PIECE OF WORM SCROTU-"

"Now hold on a minute, I didn't start writing for this story and destroying plot arcs quickly just to be insul-"

"SILENCE SCUM!"

A hand slapped Boco.

"DON'T YOU DARE INTERRUPT ME AGAIN WHILE I'M BUSY SHOUTING AT YO-"

"Hey, I'm just trying to see Bri-"

"SILENCE SCUM!"

In the editing forum a hand came from nowhere and slapped Zecks.

"THE HIDDEN LEVER IS ON THE GROUND FLOOR DISGUISED AS A PACK OF PORK RINDS IN THE PCYSQZKNCYN BAR. JUST STAY AWAY FROM THE FORUM OF EGO!" Spat ******'s bearded chin, "HAVE A NICE DAY NOW!"


And with that a small explosive popped out the top of the button. Boco fixed his eyes on a spot to his left and jumped for it. Unfortunately he was seperated from that spot by a wall. He woozily got to his feet and was thrown back in the wall by the explosion.

A few minutes and several pained groans later boco was back on his feet. It seemed the lift, "Jim" as he liked to be known, was working again.

"HelloIamtobeyourelevatorforthistriptothefloorofyourchoice. IhavebeendesignedbyTheoEngineeringandDatonicstotakeyouthevisitortoTheMassassiTempleintotheseoffices!"

Something had made Jim hyper.

Boco stumbled in the lift and stepped in a puddle of something glowing. There were 2 Shovel and Splice brand batteries on the floor of the elevator. One has cracked open and was leaking into Jim's circuits giving him a power high.

Boco picked up the other battery, which had a slight crack in it and looked at the serial number.

"W-0-L-F-3-E. Wolfy?"

He put the battery into his re-found blaster. It would no doubt super-charge it and make it really nifty in later battles.

Oxyonagon thought quietly to himself. Where would the love or ego sections be? Would there be hot girls in hot tubs? It was natural that if there were in hot girls, they'd have hot tubs. And what was that ego section about? God knows.

He set off down the corridor, with his hands in his pockets. He turned right, he turned right again, and again. Something was wrong. He gazed around the corridor and something eerie grasped him.

"Yes?" he inquired.

"Uhh... you can't talk to me, I'm just a figure of speech." said something eerie.

"Oh I see. Sorry." said Oxyonagon.

Having established this, he instantly had his matter scrambled, and pushed a good 5 metres below his old location. Here he re-assembled instantly. That was odd, he thought.

He looked around at the wicked pink colours that closed in all around him. Above him a yellow banner read: Forum of Love.

He'd finally made it back to this mysterious pink resort. Oh the fond memories he had of it.

Matterialize jogged along the path, and up to the Temple's main doors. He jogged on the spot, and swiped his Massassi entry card through the tiny slit in the security check-point. The doors slid open vertically, something which had never happened before. Matterialize shrugged and jogged inside.

Matteiralize: Stink! Stinkywrix? St - oh, man...

He rounded a corner while looking for Stinkywrix, to see the security guard's associate BoB writhing on the floor unconsciously, surrounded by an ever-widening pool of some unknown yellowish liquid. It had spread to the point where the hallway was now completely covered.

BoB: *mutters sleepily* ...........guns.........p-postman......the humanity.........

Matterialize: Uh... yeeaaahhhhh....

He realized that he couldn't jump the pool of Number One.

Matterialize: Gonna have to find another way around. But how?

An elevator door, which Matterialize hadn't noticed before, opened on the wall beside him.

Elevator: Greetings, fellow Massassian! Are you in need of a lift?

He was. Matterialize stepped into the elevator. As soon as the doors closed, he was suddenly thrown to the wall, held there by the incredible speed of the elevator. Suddenly, though, the elevator abruptly stopped and opened its doors, flinging Matterialize out into the hallway. He hit the floor with a resounding BabuhBOOM.

Matterialize: Oof... ack. *picks himself up* Where did that thing take me?

After looking around, he sees that he is in the exact same hallway, but on the other side of the pool of urine.

The elevator, it seemed, had travelled sideways.

Matterialize: Well, I'll be....

A moment later, he shrugged off the strange ordeal. After rounding the next corner, he heard heated voices, and ran off in their direction.

BoB scratched his head in curiosity. The lobby was mysteriously covered in pee for some reason.
He went into his "office" next to the entrance and emereged with something white clasped in his hand.
He dropped the sheet of Bounty on the floor and the small, warm, yellow flood dissapeared in seconds.
BoB turned round to go back to his office when someone ran into his shoulder and spun him to floor.

"Eungh"

He scrambled to his feet only to be knocked to his feet by another body from the opposite direction.

"Where's the mailman." Said a hand reaching to help BoB up. The hand belonged to a certain Myn Shadowstar.

"Mailman? Why... he's up... mailman?"

BoB fainted again.



"Ey Up."

Martyn, the bartender was behind the bar greeting the massassian drunks as they entered as usual.

"Any Pork Rinds Martyn?" Boco uttered, approaching a stool.

"Sure. That'll be 250 credits."

"250! What the hell?!"

"That's inflation for you. Sudden demand for pub snacks."

"Hmm. How much for a pint?" Boco payed Martyn, he didn't like to argue with people that could get him drunk.

"One credit." Martyn knew that this guy didn't argue with people that could get him drunk and would just pay anyway.

Boco tore open the bag of pork rinds and a small golden calculator fell out. He pressed the on button and clenched his eyes shut....

Nothing happened.


"Evening Martyn," said a voice next to Boco, "Any pork rinds?"

"Here, half a credit."

"Cheers."

"Oi, you charged me 250, what the f..."

There was a loud pop like that plot hole thing earlier and Boco was standing infront of Brian's office again. In an attempt to get a better story it seemed Zecks and Pheonix were standing next to him too, but Oxyonagon was missing because he had told Boco over Msn to keep him in the forum of love.

They knocked and pushed the door open.

Matterialize continued his jog down the hall. He rounded another corner, only to smash headlong into...


*WHAMM*

Matterialize: Arrgh!!! *slams into the floor*

Phoenix: Gahhh!!! *slams into the floor* Ar, you idiot! Get out of my way!

Phoenix picks himself up, produces a very nasty-looking gun form his coat, and aims at Matterialize's feet.

Matterialize: Hey, wait! No, don't!!!

*Ka-BLAM*

Matterialize yanks his feet away just in time, as Phoenix blows a rather large crater in the floor, from which attractive pink lights begin to issue*

Phoenix: *replaces the gun* Fool.

Matterialize gets up, but Phoenix shoves by him and knocks him down into the newly-blasted hole, putting him roughly down on the floor in front of a large, attractive door. Very designed and feminine, a yellow banner hangs over the door:

The Forum of Love

He looks further down this new hall, and sees another glowing sign further on.

Matterialize: Hey!!! How come nobody ever told me about this place???

He stomps angrily into the Forum of Love, and calls around to see if anyone can give him directions.

Reid walks to the temple. He hears chaos, havoc, and destruction. Only God knows whats happening in there...
He walks through the green and black marble hallway to the elevator. The elevator whispers "up or down, sir". Left, Reid muttered. "That is not a valid direction, sir." Down, then to floor b666. "Or we could go up..." Reid yelled "DOWN YOU INFERIOR CONTRAPTION!!". The elevator suddenly started moving, and at b10 the elevator stated "I cannot go any further, sir". Reid heard the sounds of Matterialize and Pheonix playing slap 'n tickle. "Fine, i'll get out here."
Reid climbed through the smoking crater and went into the mens restroom.
God only knows what gasses Reid smelled, but it was not good.

He stomps angrily into the Forum of Love, and calls around to see if anyone can give him directions.

That, at least, was the plan. Upon attempting to enter the Forum, Matterialize was knocked back by a forcefield the same as the one blocking the entrance to Brian's office, although he wasn't aware of this little detail. He could've sworn that he'd heard someone walking away on the other side. He searched around for the forcefield controls.

After much searching, he yelled and screamed.

After much yelling and screaming, he attacked the forcefield.

After much bodily harm, not to mention an unattractive crack in the polished limestone wall opposite the forcefield, Matterialize gave up and limped back to the hole.

Upon climbing through, he saw someone walking through an ominously evil-looking portal into what he knew was the terror of Massassi's heavy eaters: the Forbidden Latrine.


"No!! Don't!" he cried.

It was too late. The door had slammed shut behind Reid, who had unknowingly entered the bane of toiletgoers everywhere.

But, enough bathroom humor.

Matterialize: "The fool. He'll all too likely come out a changed man... if he comes out at all. Someone should talk to Brian about getting all this dangerous stuff removed. Who knows where it came from in the first place..."

Continuing on his journey to find another Massassian, Matterialize avoided another oddity borne from the depths of the plot hole, as an elevator stepped out of its shaft, hopped down the smoking hole in the floor, and passed right through the forcefield that blocked the entrance to the Forum of Love.

A large green macaw flies over the Massassi Temple and swoops down to a nearby circular structure that is glowing green and grey. The whole of the structure lies underground, showing only the top at the level of the ground. As the bird approaches the center of the circle, a door opens automatically.

"Hello, Zeq." says a computer-generated female voice.

"Greetings. What's new, today?"

"Several new projects have been started..."

"Hold on." Zeq says abruptly. "Just give me any messages from Brian."

"You have no messages from Brian."

Zeq sighs. He expected this, but is still concerned. Zeq grabs his Massassi moderator ID, verifies his lightsaber is still snug in his feathers, and heads to the Temple.

From the bushes a pair of binoculers pop out of now where, tracing the over sized macaws flight

Pyro: That bird is mine, i am its worst nightmare, the lord of Bad Grammah and Spelling Stuf. o_O

With that pyro flashes from the bushes and presse's him slef up against the out side wall of the temple. and steps sideways through the open doors and commando crawls through the metal detectors, setting them blarring

A great many heads snapped up at the sound of the klaxons blaring, and a great many fields of vision were dazzled with blindspots as red warning lights blinked throughout the temple.

Matterialize: Wha?

Elsewhere...
Oxyonagon: Huh??

Elsewhere...
Phoenix: Whoa!

Elsewhere...
Boco: Eh?

Elsewhere...
BoB: Uhn...UPS... what can... brown... guh...

By force of a habit created from watching too much Star Trek, Matterialize spoke into thin air.

Matterialize: Computer! Status report!

Much to his surprise, the air didn't answer him.

Matterialize: Fine, be that way. I'll find the intruder myself.

He rounds a corner and sees Myn Shadowstar in search of a certain mailman.

Meanwhile, at the pub...

Resident Nameless Drunk: *burp* Another pint, Martyn me ole *hiccup* pal.

As Martyn fills up the RND's glass for the nth time, a particularly depressed-looking elevator fills a seat by the bar.

Martyn, who fails to see this for the anomaly that it is, recognizes the familiar look on the elevator's control panel and slides it a pint of Rickard's.
The elevator bumps the countertop, causing the beer to slop over the mug and into its circuitry. It sighs a deep contented sigh and begins to lose its sorrows to the drink.

A formidable number of robed figures appear all over the bar and begin singing an alcohol-related Gregorian chant. One of them is holding a taco in his left hand.

Pyro stands bolt upright at the sound of the Klaxon's blarring hitting his head on the desk on the way up. He lets lose with a curse, while rubbing his head. Then runs over to the elevators, the first one has a poster saying Out of Order: Gone to Bar. Pyro Stares at the poster, wonderng what it means

Pyro: Huh? No I dont, it means that the elevator has gone to the pub, whats so strange abut that

You don't find the fact that the elevator has gone to sink a few pints a bit weird?

Pyro: No not at all, we all need some time to let our selve down a bit, Elevators the most all they do all day is carry people sometimes all night as well.

Ok then, have it your way.

Pyro: I will thank you

Pyro stands bolt upright at the sound of the Klaxon's blarring hitting his head on the desk on the way up. He lets lose with a curse, while rubbing his head. Then runs over to the elevators, the first one has a poster saying Out of Order: Gone to Bar. Pyro Stares at the poster, understanding perfectly what it means. He makes the choice to run of down the hall instead. Better?

Pyro: Heaps... Thank You.

Pants Pyro while running down the hall

Pyro: Nice touch, I wouldnt have taught to start running already. You may have just saved my neck.

Suddenly because he has been talking so much Pyro runs out of breath and has to stop.

Pyro: Oh.... Great... Thanks......

Matterialize gives Myn a passing glance, but seeing the Massassi logo on his badge, he continues running.

Matterialize: Hmm... I'm closest to the east entrance. I'll start there.

While jogging to the east entrance, Matterialize is struck by an idea.

>Thwack!<
Matterialize: Ow!

With an echoing bababoom, he crumples to the ground with a fresh, red, golf-ball-sized lump protruding from his forehead. Feeling his consciousness slipping away, he holds on long enough to see an unknown intruder sprint past, stop, catch his breath, and continue running.

After I made my escape from the bathroom, I walked over to the ventalation shaft. I sliced the grate open with the lightsaber that magically apearred from nowhere. I noticed that a single cut made a giant hole, and that the grate was paper thin and how my hand would flow right through the remaining corners. Peculiar, I decided, and crawled in. After a long maze of turns I ended up at an already slashed grate. I hopped through and landed in the armory. Wow! I've always wanted a cuncuscion rifle! I blasted a big hole in a wall, and before I left I grabbbed the Red Key . I went into a janitors closet and hid with the mops incase anyone decided to investigate the loud explosion and new hole...