Hello. I want find friend from other country but i don't have credit cart to post my profile and write to other persones and i post this message to it forum.If you want dating with me write to me to my private e-mail address: tatysshechka@rambler.ru I tell you some about me: I am single. I am 28 years old. I don't have children. I newer be marrid but i want it in future. I can't post my pic. but if you write to me to mypersonal e-mail: tatysshechka@rambler.ru i send to you some my new pic from river Volga bich. I hope that you write to me.Tatyana.e-mail: tatysshechka(dog)rambler.ru

Tatysskka thought that his spam email might bring in a healthy relationship, but little does he know of the unseen catastrophe he unintentionally unleashed. For he just created the Omega Spam, a piece of spam, due to specific alignments of words, letters and spelling errors in the writing, that will bring forth doom and destruction upon the writer. The post was created in seach of happiness but, oddly enough, it will also soon bring Tatysskka great peril.

After he finish typing his spam masterpiece, Tatysskka got up from his keyboard. Such hard work looking for young men on the internet exhausted him, so he rubbed his bald head for relief. All of a sudden, there was a knock on his door...

Echoman's reply made this thread too funny to close...

comedy

But... but... the icky spam...

(How is it these spammers go posting stuff when I'm asleep?)

An omoniouis figure looms Outside Tatysskka's Door....

and so it says...



The shiney templed one shall proclaim
his need to find a companion
English Language he will maim

Happiness he will seek
but of cheapness in a can
his writings will reek

In that moment of time
words, letters, and errors
to self-infected peril align

His own doom before him seated
becoming the object of comedy
only spared from being deleted


Unknown Figure: This is it, after all this time the OMEGA SPAM has been synthesised! If only the fool knew what he has just done!

A grin forms on the figures face.

Tatysskka wasn't quite sure what to expect when he heard there was a visitor at his door. Today wasn't Tuesday, his parole officer wouldn't be out looking for him again. It couldn't be girl scouts selling cookies, there was a sign diligently notifying the public of the restraining order issued. And it couldn't be family and relatives, they rather die than be with him. Befuddled, Tatysskka scratched his beer belly in curiosity. After liberating some pressure from his insides, he finally arrived at a conclusion. Maybe, just maybe...a man answered his spam! Someone willingly decided to come to his home, possibly sober too!

With the sensation of hope tingling under his nose hair, Tatysskka pushed aside his porn magazines to get to the front door. He sailed past the empty cans of beer and marched through the piles of discarded TV dinner trays. The man could just feel the blood flow through that remaining artery in his humble heart. Tatysskka thought it was his lucky day as he reached for the door knob...

He opened the door slightly and a young man, maybe 20, burst into the room carrying a six-pack of beer and swaggering like an insolent neighbor.

"Hey pops," the young man said, then looked around the room and set the six pack on the table, before siting at the computer chair, "Lookin' at porn or something? Ahh, Star Wars games, I forgot you guys had those back then."

Tatysskka tried to say something but his mind wasn't quite reacting properly. After a moment of bewildered silence, he managed, "Excuse me, may I help you?"
The young man looked back at him. He had dark hair and wore a leather jacket. He smiled and said, "God, I sure hope you can. But first, can I crash at your place for a while?"

Tatysskka winced, then regained his composure. "Hey," he shouted at the intruder, "Get the hell out of my house, you cretin. Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Are you dense?" the young man responded, leaning back in the chair and tracing diagrams on the ceiling with his fingers, "I'm the goddamn Batman!"

"What?" Tatysskka asked, before realization dawned. "Oh... oh my my my... you're... lost, or something, aren't you? Can you tell me where you came from? There's probably people looking for you," He said, carefully and slowly moving towards the phone on his end table. "Let me just call somebody, and they'll come pick you up and take you back where you came from."

"Hah!" the man barked, sitting up in the chair. "If they could take me back where I came from, then I wouldn't be here talking to you. But they can't, and I sure as hell am."

Tatysskka nodded and sat down gently, gingerly picking the phone up. "Well, maybe if I talk to a doctor for you, he can take you there," he responded, ad libbing desperately until he could get the loony out of his apartment.

The man laughed. "Oh, god, you think I'm crazy, don't you? Hah! This is great."

"So you're not crazy?" Tatysskka asked, lifting the receiver and pressing his finger ever-so-slightly to the button marked "9".

"Of course I'm not crazy!"

"Then where did you come from?" The soft, quiet tone of a number being pressed.

"From the future. Duh."

"Oh really? How far in the future?" The finger moved slowly to the 1 key.

"Ya rily," -What a strange pronunciation, Tatysskka thought- "About 19, twenty years. This is 2006, right?"

"Yes it is. Late July. Almost August." Beeep came the 1 tone.

"Yep, then. 19 years, eight... yeah, eight months. And all to visit you."

"Really, and who am I?" The click of the 1 key as it lifted, followed by the soft depression again.

"Well duh, you're my father." Beeep.

Click.

"Pardon?" Tatysskka managed after a moment.

"You're my father. I'm your son. In the future, obviously. Hey, is mom around?"

-THE CLOT THICKENS?

Tatysskka rubbed his eyes with his fingers, then stared blankly at the young man. "I'm your... father?"

"Yep, you sure are," the young man glanced the apartment. "This place sure is a mess. I'm going to take it you haven't met mom yet, then."

Tatysskka stumbled over his words in response. "Well... wait then.. How... How old are you?"

"I'm almost 19. How old are you?"

"Kind of a personal question to be asking isn't it?" Tatysskka asked.

"Well you asked me first. Besides, I know you got married when you were 36... Or rather, you will get married when you're 36. This whole time travel thing's a bit confusing."

Tatysskka's brow furrowed in confusion. "Wait, that makes no sense. I'm 35 now. That means I'll be getting married in the next year. I don't even know any women."

"Well of course not. Look at you, you're a slob. You need to straighten up or I'll never get born, and that'll cause all kinds of problems." The young man reclines in the computer chair and pulls up a game of solitaire, which he navigates through remarkably fast. His mind doesn't seem to be on the game though, and he hardly looks at the screen. "Primative games you guys play... How do stand this?"

"Uhh, well it's just... solitaire. I was never very good at it myself. What's your name, kid?"

"Funny thing about time travel. I don't remember my name since it hasn't been given to me yet. If you had a son, what would you call him?"

Trying to catch the young man in a lie, Tatysskka picked a random name that he didn't much like. "Frank," he said.

The young man frowned. "Well I never would have expected you to pick Frank. Doesn't really seem to suit your tastes. But that's ok. Call me Frank then."

Tatysskka smirked. Frank was a name for an idiot. He'd be perfectly happy calling the boy Frank. "Well Frank," Tatysskka couldn't quite keep the satisfaction off of his face at this sick little joke, "please tell me, how am I supposed to find this woman that will be my wife?"

"You people from the past assume too much. I never said she'd be your wife. I just said she was my mom."

Frank grinned at Tatysskka's reaction. "You mean I'm gonna knock some chick up and not even marry her?"

"Well maybe you'll marry her. Maybe you won't. That's one of those things that hasn't been decided."

"You know what, we need to go outside for a sceond. I want you to see ... something." said Frank.

"Outdoors...?" Tatysskka cautiously questioned. A man who became a hermit of his house, Tatysskka was not too fond of going for walks outdoors. Of course, the only time he steps a foot outside of his estate was to pick up welfare checks, which he quickly spent of food, beer and porn. But he does such excursions at night to avoid the panick of mothers concerned of their children. It was day now.

There was something that caught Tatysskka's attention, and it wasn't thoughts about men (for once). He noticed something missing. To his joy, the sign that was errected on his front lawn to warn people about the restraining order was gone. That was an interesting observation. Evidently, there was a greater problem that could be easily seen before the man. Like a slow train hitting a wall, Tatysskka finally saw that his whole lawn had been eradicated. What was left of his messy, untidy forest of grass and weeds had been transformed into a steaming wasteland of destruction. Fire and ash covered his front steps. Atleast now, he didn't have to cut the lawn this year.

"We must be on our way, people are bound to get suspicious about what the hell just happened here. On, and bring some cold beer."

Tatysskka took a steady look around. Something wasn't right here.

((My name is Vincent Valentine, and I approve of this thread.))