(Okay, anyone who participates; please refrain from the merciless slaughter of Lord Lozier, or the revelation of the Terrible Secret. The characters are also all classic massassians. Like Nebula. And North Chaos.)

Juzsoft lay in ruins. But this is now. That was then. Juzsoft was but an upstart, a tiny organization in it's first year. Deep down in it's laboratories a terrible secret was wrought, an evil the likes of which the galaxy had never seen.

The Armies of Lozier swept across the cosmos, subjugating any world in their path. Who would dare to stand against them? A young lieutenant would. His name was Slug. And soon, he would die.

Slug stood on board the bridge of the Massisserver, in the shadow of Lord Lozier himself. Before them, a hundred thousand kilometers beyond their forward view ports, lay a benign little planet.

"Fire!" Lozier said. And the vast flagship of the Lozier Armada did.

Meanwhile, on board the ISB Saga (short for "Interstellar Space Boat" -- a designation used by a small new faction within the Lozier Empire), the mercenary droid, Threedee, and his young second-in-command, Gebohq, cruised closer towards a doomed, benign little planet...

"I still think we should be traveling in the ISB Plot Hole," Gebohq said. "Ares converted that boat into a vessel far better equipped to defend against--"

"We are on a peaceful mission," Threedee interrupted, "and I will hear no more of your protests."

"But... the planet..." Gebohq looked out through the front viewport.

"You expect trouble from the planet?" Threedee asked.

"No, I mean the planet," Gebohq said, checking the coordinates displayed at his station. "We should be seeing it by now, but it's not there."

Threedee looked out through the front viewport, motionless for a moment.

"Reverse direction, full speed!" Threedee ordered. Gebohq punched in the new vector.

"Please let me be wrong," Threedee muttered.

Alexi drummed his fingers against the Jed Star's control panel. This super station was now the ultimate editor in the galaxy. Armed with the mighty cleave tool, poised against an arbitrarily positional grid, nothing could compete with the Jed Star.

"That seemed somehow unnecessary," Alexi mused as Lord Lozier's Skype icon paced across his view screen. The remains of the benign little planet hammered the Jed Star's mighty firewall.

"Entirely so," Lord Lozier said. Of course, Lozier was still aboard his flagship, the Apache 2.0 class Massasserver. "The galaxy needed a demonstration of our power. How else will they know who to devote their fanboyism to? Would you have them use," and Lozier must pause, for this brought a shudder to even his hardened soul, "JKEdit?"

Deep in the bowels of Juzsoft, it stirred. It slurped. It got told to eat its oatmeal more slowly. It did not. It burned its tongue, and it got angry.
It lashed out against its cell, but it was not yet strong enough to break free. In time. In time.

Lord Lozier strode across the bridge of the Masserver. His most trusted lieutenant, Slug, stood looking over the shoulder of a nameless technician at a view screen of some sort.
"What are you looking at?" Lord Lozier demanded.
"Some sort," Slug said without looking up.
"Ah," Lord Lozier said. "And what is some sort telling you?"
"There appears to be a ship entering the Benign system."
Lord Lozier turned and gazed out the forward viewports. Of course, he could see nothing. This was space, not some science fiction holoshow. He would be lucky to see a ship at a few kilometers. And this intruder could be anywhere in the system. "Why wasn't I told earlier?" he shouted. "You! Technician! Why didn't you tell me?"
The technician stared back in abject terror.
"Well? What is your name?"
"Urk," the technician said, as if practicing for when Lord Lozier started choking him.
Lord Lozier started choking him.
"Sir! Sir!" Slug shouted. "Sir, he can't answer! He's nameless!"
"Then he's not protected by the meta-game shield of named characters, is he?" The technician fell dead on the floor. "Find that ship!" Lord Lozier shouted. "Find it and fire upon it! But miss, so it can escape and tell people how incredibly badass we are. And then follow it and destroy it!"

The ISB Saga shudders as the firepower of the Masserver proverbially pimp-slapped the ship.

"We're been found!" Gebohq yelled.

"Thanks for the info," Threedee said as he rolled his robotic eyes. "Pilot a course for the nearest planet!"

"But that'll take us to--"

"Just do it!"

The ship shudders from the barrage of attacks, and soon the ISB Saga spirals in smoke down towards a strange, green planet...

Meanwhile, on the Masserver, Lord Lozier clenches his fist.

"I said fire and MISS, you fools! I should have known this would happen..."