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ForumsMusic Discussion and Showcase → My first decent song
My first decent song
2004-12-15, 12:55 PM #1
I think so at least. We're still working out the music for it. I don't have a recording because we have nothing to record it with, or we aren't aware that we do. Anywho here's what I've written. Tell me what you think. I've somewhat put what I'm trying for the guitar part, in case another player has advice.

(Quiet guitar and piano. Guitar is gonna make some little ditties out of D and E major chords. I've got most of that worked out)

I'm trying to forget everything that went wrong.
Trying hard not to remember, how I've loved you so long.
Now you're slipping away, and soon you'll be gone.
But I've got to say, these feelings are too strong.
I wish I could make you see how much you've meant to me.

(Distorted guitar with power chords. Might add a little something else to it later. Cut the piano, add bass and drums.)
So as you're slipping away,I just want to say
I want to show you how much you've meant to me.
While you're fading out, I just have to shout
Take me back! But either way, I swear that I can't forget you.

(fade back into the beginging music)
I'm burning these memories, but I've saved a few still.
I want to move on, but it makes me feel ill.
I've been thinking about how much I have changed
and I can't help but wonder, are you still the same?
I still wish that I could make you see how much you mean to me

(back to rock chorus)
So as you're slipping away,I just want to say
I want to show you how much you've meant to me.
While you're fading out, I just have to shout
Take me back! But either way, I swear that I can't forget you.

(We're gonna put in a piano solo here, but only Will knows anything about piano.)
(It gets quiet like it's gonna end then the rock thing busts in again. The rhythm is a lot like the end of stairway to heaven, at the "as we walk on down the road". Chord progression is E minor, B Minor, A#, D#, A, then it repeats.)
[Em] I used to be captivated by your light
[Bm] now I dream about you every lonely night.
[A#] I pray to God that you would understand,
[D#] that you'd let me take you by the hand.
[A] Dispite what I say and all I do
[Em] all the time I still think of you.
[you get the picture...] now I'm walking like a grey silluette,
trying hard not to remember what I should forget.
Here's to you...
yeah...here's to you...

(Sing the chorus another time then yell it just to make sure the point gets across :D )
So yeah. What do you think? I'm hoping it doesn't seem like emo poetry. When we get the bugs worked out what's the cheapest/easiest way to record it?
It took a while for you to find me; I was hiding in the lime tree.
2004-12-15, 2:37 PM #2
Buy a Fostex MR-8 Digital Multitrack Recorder.

Or use some warez. (not recommended)
Catloaf, meet mouseloaf.
My music
2004-12-16, 1:28 PM #3
bump*

Come on people. What do you think of the lyrics?
It took a while for you to find me; I was hiding in the lime tree.
2004-12-16, 9:35 PM #4
i havent been on the board cuz i've been busy but that's amazing! i dont see how a girl could hear that and not fall in love. very good stuff! kudos on the lyrics they are bad@$$ they seem to have really come from the heart

Laura
2004-12-17, 1:43 PM #5
I like the end lyrics...
"Those ****ing amateurs... You left your dog, you idiots!"
2004-12-17, 2:35 PM #6
i don't read lyrics and give an opinion

record the song... then i'll tell you what i think
eat right, exercise, die anyway

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