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☖ Forums → Music Discussion and Showcase → New Tool album...
New Tool album...
2005-04-01, 6:20 PM #1
Quote:
From Toolband.com
REMEMBER, DON”T KILL THE MESSENGER
31 Mar 05

You know the old saying, “no news is good news”, well… that was the case as far as the recording process was going for the new Tool CD, but now things may have changed a bit. Yesterday, when I went to the studio to give Maynard a bottle of wine (a 1992 Maya) for winning the bet that I had with him involving his new film “Sleeping Dogs Lie” (I lost by default, not being able to attend the Sedona screening), not only wasn’t Maynard there, but, in what seems to be a case of enantiodromia (something becoming its opposite) if ever there was one (!), I was told the reason why he wasn’t there. I wish this post was dated April 1, but, unfortunately, it isn’t. Like a doctor giving a patient a straight, honest answer to a medical diagnosis, without sugar-coating the truth, here’s exactly what I was told: “Maynard has found Jesus.” This will come as a complete shock to most (but not all) of you, as it did to me. In fact, it just seemed like another MJK prank until I talked to the one person who I believe would know if all this was legit or not. After nearly an hour on the phone with this person, the answer I received was that Maynard has indeed “found Jesus” and that, for this reason, he’s abandoned the project for the time being, if not entirely. I don’t know what the f**k is in the water these days, but hopefully a black jelly belly will turn up in that golden bowl… that’s all I can think to say at this point. Before leaving the studio, I watched as Danny made arrangements to go play some golf, while Adam and Justin kept working on a particular song. So, in case you missed it (those who don’t read the whole post), here’s today's news: Maynard has found Jesus…


:(
2005-04-01, 6:44 PM #2
...

Oh, it's soo sad. His eternal salvation might get in the way of his music. [/sarcasm]
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

Lassev: I guess there was something captivating in savagery, because I liked it.
2005-04-01, 10:44 PM #3
I'll guaran-damn-tee that nobody saw this one coming. That is, if this is in fact true, and not another lousy April Fool's joke.
2005-04-02, 12:28 AM #4
Maybe this'll force them to, you know, stop being so...crappy? Yeah, that's the word I'm looking for.

I'm just wondering where all the generic little tool kiddies will go to worship their idol now. Christians don't usually condone idolotry ;)
D E A T H
2005-04-02, 9:41 AM #5
I can't believe you guys thought this was serious. The fact that Blair says he wishes it was posted on April 1st gives the joke away.

Not to mention the next news post, where he says the people at tooltabs will have their hands full when the new material comes out.
2005-04-02, 9:46 AM #6
No, not really.
America, home of the free gift with purchase.
2005-04-03, 3:26 PM #7
Quote:
Originally posted by Dj Yoshi
Maybe this'll force them to, you know, stop being so...crappy? Yeah, that's the word I'm looking for.

I'm just wondering where all the generic little tool kiddies will go to worship their idol now. Christians don't usually condone idolotry ;)


A simple "I don't like that band" will do just fine.
"Honey, you got real ugly."
2005-04-09, 10:13 AM #8
Quote:
Originally posted by RotM_igotissues
A simple "I don't like that band" will do just fine.


It would. But I felt like elaborating.
D E A T H
2005-04-09, 10:28 AM #9
Tool is pretty meh.

Their fans are what piss me off....


Stuck up jerks..
2005-04-09, 4:29 PM #10
Yeah, Tool fans kind of piss me off. Even though I'm a Tool junkie, I don't really worship them. I do recognize that they have a lot of talent though.

I hate it when people bash Tool, though. Even if you don't like it, it doesn't suck.
2005-04-09, 4:37 PM #11
Yes, all Tool fans are stuck up jerks, right, mmhmm. :rolleyes:
"Honey, you got real ugly."
2005-04-09, 5:31 PM #12
Quote:
Originally posted by RotM_igotissues
Yes, all Tool fans are stuck up jerks, right, mmhmm. :rolleyes:


The vast, vast majority of them are.

I like one or two of their songs, Tool's band members for the most part contain talent, but the thing that I hate, and can't see why anyone likes, is Maynard's voice.
D E A T H
2005-04-09, 6:46 PM #13
See, I love Maynard's voice above all others.
2005-04-09, 7:56 PM #14
MJK is my favorite vocalist ever.

I love his voice, and he seems to have some magical ability to sing words that don't rhyme or have any poetic features in common and still sound right.

He can pull off insane screams ("The Grudge" - Tool), but he can also hold long clear notes beautifully ("Breña" - APC). When he harmonizes with himself via use of overdubbing, he sounds incredible ("Fiddle and the Drum" - APC, "Parabola" - Tool).

He can change his voice to fit the mood of the song perfectly, in my opinion.

Eg:
Anger - "Ticks & Leeches", Tool

Sadness - "3 Libras", APC

Deep/gruff - "Let's Have A War", APC
"Well ain't that a merry jelly." - FastGamerr

"You can actually see the waves of me not caring in the air." - fishstickz
2005-04-09, 8:53 PM #15
Quote:
Originally posted by Vincent Valentine
Maynard has found Jesus…


where was he hiding these past 2000 years???


OMGLIEK ZING!!! :D :D :D
Code:
if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}
2005-04-10, 12:10 AM #16
Quote:
Originally posted by Ruthven
where was he hiding these past 2000 years???


OMGLIEK ZING!!! :D :D :D


Quote:
Good news, April fools fans. The writing and recording is back under way. When approached for comment on his recent encounter with the Son of God, Maynard said, "That guy's a punk!"

As it turns out, Maynard was out "location scouting" near the Fourth Street bridge in downtown Los Angeles when he "found Jesus."

"Turns out he was here the whole time, and not that difficult to find if you know where to look," Maynard reported. Apparently Jesus offered him the position of campaign manager for his new line of "Holier Than Thou" sparkling holy water, which Maynard of course accepted. What wasn't obvious was that this guy is a total drunk. It's an occupational hazard. Every time our Lord goes to get a glass of water, it transforms into a generic grocery store Merlot. Because the alcoholic is the Son of God and an all-knowing being, he knew of Maynard’s extensive interest in collecting wine. So he went to work trying to get his lips on it. Maynard caught J.C. in his cellar transforming his precious wine collection into urine, then pissing it into the empty "sparkling holy water" bottles for the eventual sale to all those people who bought, read, and embraced "The Celestine Prophesy." Tragic.

"Truth be told," Maynard confessed, "I wasn't feeling top notch when I found him. The evening prior to the day in question I had over-indulged in a series of bad Molotov shrimp cocktails with a side of Makers Mark and twin strippers. So after an entire night of G.I. Blowouts, hot/cold sweats, and blurred vision, it's very possible that the guy I met wasn't even Jesus at all. For all I know, it was Willem Dafoe."

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