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ForumsMusic Discussion and Showcase → Nutshell
Nutshell
2006-02-14, 7:20 PM #1
Nutshell

I woke up with only half of my mind
Broke out of dreams and fell on the wrong side
Until I can find the rest of my mind
I'll take this day going stride by stride

Sipping morning fuel right out of the pot
Hope to heal the scars that I almost forgot
About to leave this place for a better crop
I'm skippin along and swimmin to the top

The morning of my judgement day
I wasn't quite ready for it anyway
Maybe if I stop to pray
You'll let me put it off for another day

Neglecting all my thoughts of you
Tried to find a way but I always fell through
Thinking of the life that you almost knew
Never gonna see things from your point of view

We could argue till we lost all the light
Perhaps we will and perhaps your right
Even when you think that I might
You can never change black to white

I'm dropping my mind right onto the floor
Try to ignore it sitting next to the door
I know you aren't one to fight your own war
Atleast carry my mind back onto the shore

Closing out the words falling back into dream
Mending all my thoughts back into the stream
Sometimes the world makes me want to scream
Keep the dream.
Think while it's still legal.
2006-02-14, 8:01 PM #2
Nice, I definitely like it.

There is one stanza I have a little difficulty with, though.

I'm dropping my mind right onto the floor
Try to ignore it sitting next to the door
I know you aren't one to fight your own war
Atleast carry my mind back onto the shore


I get a picture in my mind of a wooden floor, then a door, then a bunch of soldiers fighting, then I picture someone trudging through the shallow waters of a sandy beach. Now I'm not sure if this is what you want the listener/reader to see in their mind, but if it is, awesome. I just think that perhaps you were scrambling for rhymes and these ones sounded good so you went with them. Just my thoughts.

I LOVE this one line however:

Mending all my thoughts back into the stream

It has great flow, and I can just really connect to that one line....for some reason. I like it very much.

Nice work overall. ;)
2006-02-14, 8:28 PM #3
Quote:
I get a picture in my mind of a wooden floor, then a door, then a bunch of soldiers fighting, then I picture someone trudging through the shallow waters of a sandy beach. Now I'm not sure if this is what you want the listener/reader to see in their mind, but if it is, awesome. I just think that perhaps you were scrambling for rhymes and these ones sounded good so you went with them. Just my thoughts.


I'm dropping my mind right onto the floor

I'm letting it all out. This is what I think. These are my thoughts

Try to ignore it sitting next to the door

Don't mind me, you never thought much of me now, why should today be any different.

I know you aren't one to fight your own war

You never were one to listen to what I had to say

Atleast carry my mind back onto the shore

But this time, atleast try and get what I am saying. Listen to me this once.

---------------------------------------

I hope that explained it a bit more. Also, thank you very much :)
Think while it's still legal.
2006-02-14, 10:45 PM #4
Ah. That clears it up a bit. Sorry, I'm always too visual so I go with what I see in my head. ;)
2006-02-14, 10:58 PM #5
Much better than your last lyrical attempt. I love it.
2006-02-15, 4:42 AM #6
I like this better too, its not like 3 words 2 words 3 words end stanza (which reminds me of SoaD) its more like actual flowing song.
America, home of the free gift with purchase.
2006-02-15, 10:37 AM #7
Though it is much better than your previous attempts, I'm beginning to wonder how much of this songwriting will see use.
D E A T H
2006-02-15, 12:59 PM #8
Most of the songs I post are already to music (or in the works). Out of all the songs I post, about 80 - 85% of them get use.
Think while it's still legal.
2006-02-15, 5:52 PM #9
BUT YOU NEVER POST MP3S

:(
2006-02-15, 6:10 PM #10
Reminds me of Modest Mouse. I really like it.
ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ
2006-02-15, 6:38 PM #11
I agree with Thrawnumbarz, man. Get some mp3's up!
2006-02-16, 10:49 AM #12
Originally posted by 'Thrawn[numbarz:
']BUT YOU NEVER POST MP3S

:(

Exactly :p
D E A T H

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