Check it out. My first true full-length fanfiction is starting to be published, bit by bit. It was started on Saturday, so only the intro and ch1 are done. please review it. some people only read fics if they have lots of reviews, and good ones. please check of inconsistencies, and give suggestions. some may be taken to heart.

Jericho

-edit- dont forget to read my inuyasha parody. go to my profile to find it. it makes fun of all those really bad authors you always see. <-- dont try to use that comment against me. my work isnt that bad.

[This message has been edited by 3_Rats (edited June 30, 2003).]

...published?

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Bassoon, n. A brazen instrument into which a fool blows out his brains.

There's a bunch of spelling and grammar errors, but the main problem is the dialogue. I don't buy it.

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Schism.

and Tracer be uburl33t writ3r d00d. he knows of which he speaks, btw.

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Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin
http://www.writings-emag.net The next big thing since individually wrapped cheese slices (coming soon).

OMFQ. InuYasha fanfic parody = AWESOME. I couldn't stop laughing.

Yes, I'm an avid InuYasha fan myself. Sue me

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Sigs are for n00bs.

[1337 FRNDS_Pommy | 3.14 of 14 | » And-GTx2]

What Tracer said. The gun descriptions seemed a bit much as well, but that's mostly cuz I haven't a clue what any of these gun names mean. On a better note, nice breaks at the end of the intro and ch 1.

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Check out the following stories over at the Interactive Story Board:
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The Vision Cycle series
Featured Story: Image-native Kicks

Quest into new worlds or question the deep parts (and not so deep parts) of life at Merlin's Citadel!

the gun description scene did seem unnecesary, but they cant just pull out random guns. ill try to make tthe dialogue more believable, but i need to suggestions as to what to do. please l\tell me spelling ang grammar errors.

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Creator of Demon Might Whimper. Prog= like, .5%.

Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

Nobody would ever say this. So you shouldn't write it. I can't tell you how to write good dialogue - all I can suggest is that if you wouldn't say it, don't write it.



In the introduction you said you weren't going to do this type of descriptive thing. We don't need to know the exact amount of holsters the guy is wearing.



This type of detail is unnessecary. Unless it's somehow integral to the plot (and I can already tell that it's not), don't bother to include stuff like this, because it doesn't matter. Nobody cares what type of weapons your heroes use, or what their favourite guns are.

I'll offer one more suggestion: Write a book, not a movie. Don't try to describe intricate action sequences, which given the source material I'm sure you've planned to write. It just ends up being filler material that adds nothing to the story, besides length (Tom Clancy does this all the time).

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Schism.

i will change said things and repost hopefully later today.

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Creator of Demon Might Whimper. Prog= like, .5%.

I fixed up the first chapter, added a few things, and started work on the second chaper (The Home of Tomes). I how all nitpickers and sensible people like it more now. I do. thanksforthehelp.

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Creator of Demon Might Whimper. Prog= like, .5%.