Massassi Forums Logo

This is the static archive of the Massassi Forums. The forums are closed indefinitely. Thanks for all the memories!

You can also download Super Old Archived Message Boards from when Massassi first started.

"View" counts are as of the day the forums were archived, and will no longer increase.

ForumsShowcase → they say great products sell themselves... well crap.
they say great products sell themselves... well crap.
2004-02-13, 7:08 PM #1
A poem I wrote for my lady...

BLUE
Tom Pennington

From her eyes,
Shines a light
Quelling fear
Crushing night

In her eyes
There’s no pain
Love as warm
As summer’s rain.

In those eyes
All is good
Always, “is”
Never, “could”

In her eyes
There, I feel
Here, I’m weak
There, I’m real.
"i've seen alot of kids (i'm 35) come on here and ask for advice about girls. look at potato here. he makes a tape and sings to a girl. some girls will laugh in your face, some behind your back and then some might love you for it. potato is a man. a man with a girl. -Darth Evad
2004-02-14, 3:23 AM #2
[http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif] [http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif]WOW [http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif] [http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif]

------------------
-thank you man, raly appriciate it
2004-02-14, 8:14 PM #3
welcome to dumpsville!! [http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif]

just kidding, its rather beautiful.
I never felt that way about my lady.
It was just...
"In her eyes...hey she's checking out that other guy..."
Code:
if(getThingFlags(source) & 0x8){
  do her}
elseif(getThingFlags(source) & 0x4){
  do other babe}
else{
  do a dude}
2004-02-15, 7:58 AM #4
Quote:
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by clan ruthervain:
"In her eyes...hey she's checking out that other guy..."</font>

Sorry, man, but that's funny [http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif].

Oh, the poem is quite nice. I guess the ladies like to hear such a sequence of words...*plagiaturizificates poem*.

------------------
"Häb Pfrässe, süsch chlepfts!" - The coolest language in the world (besides Cherokee)
"Häb Pfrässe, süsch chlepfts!" - The coolest language in the world (besides Cherokee)
2004-02-15, 9:03 AM #5
Quote:
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">From her eyes, Shines a light Quelling fear Crushing knight In her eyes There's no pain Love as warm AS summer's rain. In those eyes All is good Always, "is" Never, "could" In her eyes There, I feel Here, I'm weak There, I'm real.</font>



Despite popular belief,
poetry
is
not! misplaced words
on a page.


You need to rethink your sentence structure, get rid of those cliches (Love as warm as a summer's rain, for example). Each line doesn't need a capital. Here is a butchered version of what you posted, with proper structure:

From her eyes,
shines a light
quelling fear,
crushing night.

In her eyes
there's no pain,
[only] love as warm
as summer's rain.

In those eyes,
all is good;
always "is",
never "could"

in her eyes,
there I feel,
here I'm weak..
there, I'm real.

Don't kill me.. please? heh


Yun

------------------
I turned to the Dark Side, not for the Power, but For The Honer
We are human beings trying to be spiritual, we are spiritual beings trying to be human.
2004-02-15, 10:08 AM #6
nah, constructive criticism is always welcome, by far, its not my best work, but you actually mess up the meter when you add an only at the beginning of that line

------------------
flirbnic has a signature
"i've seen alot of kids (i'm 35) come on here and ask for advice about girls. look at potato here. he makes a tape and sings to a girl. some girls will laugh in your face, some behind your back and then some might love you for it. potato is a man. a man with a girl. -Darth Evad
2004-02-15, 12:16 PM #7
Perhaps you could say:

In her eyes
there's no pain,
but love's warm
as summer's rain.
My JK Level Design | 2005 JK Hub Level Pack (Plexus) | Massassi Levels

↑ Up to the top!