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☖ Forums → Showcase → Pool
Pool
2004-02-25, 3:36 PM #1
Pool

The pool, it glows with ever-pressing need. Atonement for those where I spilled my seed.

Slowly, I lean out o'er the water.
Striking nothing, nothing but water.

"Save me, save me!" the dolphins cried,
biting where the garden doves doth flied.

Cocooned by rage I swallow the pill, but I am haunted by demons still.

It is sad.


A poem by me.

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Baby Mama's Drama
TAKES HINTS JUST FINE, STILL DOESN'T CARE
2004-02-25, 3:37 PM #2
God, I just love the imagery. GOOD JOB!

I really feel your torment.
Those bees all have paws!
2004-02-25, 4:02 PM #3
Crappy, but good job for self expression!
Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side
2004-02-25, 4:08 PM #4
YOU CANNOT QUALIFY ART!

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Baby Mama's Drama
TAKES HINTS JUST FINE, STILL DOESN'T CARE
2004-02-25, 4:09 PM #5
*cries*


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Cantina Cloud | BCF | The Massassian 1 & 2 | Gonkmeg
Corrupting the kiddies since '97
2004-02-25, 4:15 PM #6
I like Dolphins. Is the dolphin okay?

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I’m not going to die, I’m going to see if I was ever alive. - Spike

It's not your right to decide whether they live or die. They deserve a chance! - Vash
Think while it's still legal.
2004-02-25, 5:17 PM #7
I love how you rhymed water with water.

JediKirby

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"I was driving along listening to the radio, when Judas Priest comes on. It was 'You've got another thing coming.' All of a sudden, I enter 'VICE CITY RAMAGE MODE' and nearly ran some guy over"
- ]-[ellequin
ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ
2004-02-25, 5:27 PM #8
It was definately a unique poem, but I thought it was really good.

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"The Oracle told me I would die with my boots on. I've worn tennis shoes ever since." - Axis
2004-02-25, 7:14 PM #9
Should be "hath flown", I think. Or maybe "doth fly", if you want present tense. "Doth" is the equivilant of "does", and I don't think "flied" is a word at all. Mind you, it's a poem, so "flied" is probably acceptable since you need it to rhyme.

Definately should be "hath", though, if you want it past tense.

Otherwise -- it expresses an attitude of melancholy very well. [http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif]

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"Well, it could be worse -- it could be windy!" -popular Canadian saying.
So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!
2004-02-25, 9:14 PM #10
I read this, and then I realized, I hate myself. [http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif]
2004-02-25, 9:15 PM #11
Hay Zul Jin ur pretty good u have such emotion in ur poitry maby somtime i can post my own poitry. Maby we could have a poitry site to.
A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy.

A major source of objection to a free economy is precisely that it gives people what they want instead of what a particular group thinks they ought to want. Underlying most arguments against the free market is a lack of belief in freedom itself.

art

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