This is a story I am working on. I am at this point planning on it being a novel-sized work. I don't want to reveal much about it right now, but I DO want to get some suggestions on the first couple pages. Feel free to nit-pick anything. Grammar, spelling, crappy story, etc.
The sunset was particularly beautiful today. The sunlight shone through the upper canopy, displaying a checkered pattern of light upon the worn path. This path was much larger than your standard deer path, largely because of the constant foot traffic.
As a child, I often traveled this path. Back then, the path was much smaller, and less defined. I really enjoyed just sleeping beside it, amongst the bushes, watching the occasional elf or human pass by. Something about its uniqueness from the better-known roads attracted me to it. Maybe it was destiny, or maybe a blessing, but to this day I still consider it luck.
That fateful day was not too unlike today. The sun shone through the trees, and busy birds whipped through them. I was nine years old. My chores for the day were nearly finished. I needed only some dry branches for kindle. So as I usually did, I walked up the path a little ways, and broke off to a patch of fallen trees. An enormous tree, elevated by a large stone, laid on its side in the middle of the other fallen trees. I circled the tree looking for prime specimens, of which I found a few choice branches. I also found a particularly good branch, so I placed one foot on the tree firmly, and began to pry off the branch. Finally, it snapped, but at the same time the entire tree rolled off the stone, and I fell to the ground. After shaking off the fall, I stood back up, and looked down where the tree had previously been. In the tall grass that had grown around the tree was the glint of something metal. Excited of finding something valuable, I pushed away the grass, and revealed a sword. It was in pristine condition, and reflected the beauty of the sun into my eyes. I nervously reached down, and grabbed the sword by its ornate hilt. Surprisingly, it was warm. That moment when I lifted the sword from its home on the ground will always be burned in my mind.
Unconsciously I put my hand on that same hilt, feeling its familiar warmth. After awakening from my day-dream, I pulled the weapon out, and examined it. It still maintained its perfect condition; no scratches, no chips, no scuffs, and a incredibly sharp edge. I am still astounded by its angelic ability to remain untouched. There are many secrets that are hidden in the sword's past.
After discovering the sword, I ran home immediately. I burst into our house, and there sat my father on the stairs, lacing his boots.
“What in… boy, what happened to you?
I replied excitedly, “Father, I found a sword! It was in the forest!”
“Bring it here.”
I ran over to him, and lifted the sword. It was heavy, heavy enough to leave deep red imprints in my hands. I dropped the sword into my father’s outstretched hands. Not a moment later, my father dropped the sword and grabbed his hands.
“What’s wrong?” I exclaimed, worried.
“That’s no regular sword you’ve got there, boy.”
“What do you mean?”
“That there is a cursed sword. Damn near burned my hand that thing did.”
It was true. I took the sword to many people, none of which could touch it without feeling a powerful burning feeling. I finally visited the local antique shop. There was a kind old man who worked there, and specialized in weapons. I walked in, and plopped the sword on the counter.
“Well, well, well. What have you stumbled upon here?” he said.
“I don’t know! It’s a special sword though.”
“Special? How so?”
“I’m the only one who seems to be able to touch it.”
“Well that is odd.”
To confirm my statement, he reached out to the sword. Like all the others, he pulled his hand back.
“Yes, odd indeed.” He said deep in thought.
“My father says it’s cursed. Is it?” I asked.
“Now I don’t know about that. Let’s examine this sword a little closer.”
He pulled out a magnifier, and looked up and down the sword. Finally he looked at the hilt. There he found some fine print I hadn’t noticed earlier.
“What is that? What’s it say?” I questioned.
“It’s Old Elfish. Lo re mona tuse hume forlanda quiro lan mire ro lo tus rila.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Old Elfish isn’t spoken much anymore. But if my memory serves, it says:”
For the hume that will save and bless the world.
“What’s a hume?” I asked.
“A hume is simply a formal elfish word for human.”
Suddenly, the old man went silent.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him, worried.
Without a word, the old man hurried into the back of the shop.
--
Thanks for reading it, I know it's a lot to read.![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif")
Edit: Spaced out the paragraphs since tabs don't work. Makes it easier on the eyes.
------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...
Make Sorrowind Worthwhile... join it! http://sorrowind.net
[This message has been edited by Cool Matty (edited April 07, 2004).]
The sunset was particularly beautiful today. The sunlight shone through the upper canopy, displaying a checkered pattern of light upon the worn path. This path was much larger than your standard deer path, largely because of the constant foot traffic.
As a child, I often traveled this path. Back then, the path was much smaller, and less defined. I really enjoyed just sleeping beside it, amongst the bushes, watching the occasional elf or human pass by. Something about its uniqueness from the better-known roads attracted me to it. Maybe it was destiny, or maybe a blessing, but to this day I still consider it luck.
That fateful day was not too unlike today. The sun shone through the trees, and busy birds whipped through them. I was nine years old. My chores for the day were nearly finished. I needed only some dry branches for kindle. So as I usually did, I walked up the path a little ways, and broke off to a patch of fallen trees. An enormous tree, elevated by a large stone, laid on its side in the middle of the other fallen trees. I circled the tree looking for prime specimens, of which I found a few choice branches. I also found a particularly good branch, so I placed one foot on the tree firmly, and began to pry off the branch. Finally, it snapped, but at the same time the entire tree rolled off the stone, and I fell to the ground. After shaking off the fall, I stood back up, and looked down where the tree had previously been. In the tall grass that had grown around the tree was the glint of something metal. Excited of finding something valuable, I pushed away the grass, and revealed a sword. It was in pristine condition, and reflected the beauty of the sun into my eyes. I nervously reached down, and grabbed the sword by its ornate hilt. Surprisingly, it was warm. That moment when I lifted the sword from its home on the ground will always be burned in my mind.
Unconsciously I put my hand on that same hilt, feeling its familiar warmth. After awakening from my day-dream, I pulled the weapon out, and examined it. It still maintained its perfect condition; no scratches, no chips, no scuffs, and a incredibly sharp edge. I am still astounded by its angelic ability to remain untouched. There are many secrets that are hidden in the sword's past.
After discovering the sword, I ran home immediately. I burst into our house, and there sat my father on the stairs, lacing his boots.
“What in… boy, what happened to you?
I replied excitedly, “Father, I found a sword! It was in the forest!”
“Bring it here.”
I ran over to him, and lifted the sword. It was heavy, heavy enough to leave deep red imprints in my hands. I dropped the sword into my father’s outstretched hands. Not a moment later, my father dropped the sword and grabbed his hands.
“What’s wrong?” I exclaimed, worried.
“That’s no regular sword you’ve got there, boy.”
“What do you mean?”
“That there is a cursed sword. Damn near burned my hand that thing did.”
It was true. I took the sword to many people, none of which could touch it without feeling a powerful burning feeling. I finally visited the local antique shop. There was a kind old man who worked there, and specialized in weapons. I walked in, and plopped the sword on the counter.
“Well, well, well. What have you stumbled upon here?” he said.
“I don’t know! It’s a special sword though.”
“Special? How so?”
“I’m the only one who seems to be able to touch it.”
“Well that is odd.”
To confirm my statement, he reached out to the sword. Like all the others, he pulled his hand back.
“Yes, odd indeed.” He said deep in thought.
“My father says it’s cursed. Is it?” I asked.
“Now I don’t know about that. Let’s examine this sword a little closer.”
He pulled out a magnifier, and looked up and down the sword. Finally he looked at the hilt. There he found some fine print I hadn’t noticed earlier.
“What is that? What’s it say?” I questioned.
“It’s Old Elfish. Lo re mona tuse hume forlanda quiro lan mire ro lo tus rila.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Old Elfish isn’t spoken much anymore. But if my memory serves, it says:”
For the hume that will save and bless the world.
“What’s a hume?” I asked.
“A hume is simply a formal elfish word for human.”
Suddenly, the old man went silent.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him, worried.
Without a word, the old man hurried into the back of the shop.
--
Thanks for reading it, I know it's a lot to read.
Edit: Spaced out the paragraphs since tabs don't work. Makes it easier on the eyes.
------------------
"The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...
Make Sorrowind Worthwhile... join it! http://sorrowind.net
[This message has been edited by Cool Matty (edited April 07, 2004).]
![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif")
