Past and Present Dreams Come True


On any day, at any time
I drift alone on thoughts sublime
Of dreams and wishes and desires
Each day, my mind, it never tires.
I seek the best, the most, the all
Succeeding where all others fall
Surpassing odds, and trials, and foes
Bringing failure to a close.

But so often I miss this mark
My faults, they shut me in the dark
I lose my faith, my hope, my dreams
In everything I loved it seems
I fall into that grave despair
Trapped within its deepest lair
I see the dark, but not the light
No relief lies in my sight.

But then a hand takes mine in His
He lifts me gently with a kiss.
He calms my soul and rests my mind
Directs my heart, my eyes once blind
I now rejoice, for I can see
The light He has for you and me.
And then my past and present dreams
Come true, because His love redeems.

Hopefully any non-Christian folks out there will appreciate the religious connotations(sp?) included!

Comments, Criticism . . . Cookies?


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~ Vader's Corner ~

/hands Daft_Vader a cookie

This I like. Very nice flow, good rythm. I like it.

Good job.

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OSC Empire | A.H.N.U.L.D.
[Jim7 PING reply]: 666secs

That's some kick *** rhymin.

Pretty good. The last few lines feel a bit contrived, and don't quite seem to flow with the rest. Overall though, pretty good.

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_ _ _____________ _ _
Wolf Moon
Cast Your Spell On Me
Beware
The Woods At Night
The Wolf Has Come

It rhyms which instantly degrades all thoughts within the poem, since now they must secure themselves into a tight and constraining envelope of recylced sounds, thus dragging all and any meaning that may have once been involved with the poem through the mud. Try not rhyming, unless you've got the vocabulary of 4 different languages' dictionaries. Even then, being able to orginize your thoughts within those contraints is quite a difficult task, even then.

I like rhyming poetry. Quite a bit, actually. But it really isn't for everyone. It's difficult, and usually, really good writers are bogged down by it. Especially this poem wich doesn't really pick up with complete thoughts until the 3rd stanza. I believe the first 2 stanzas are really heald back with rhymes.

JediKirby

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"I was driving along listening to the radio, when Judas Priest comes on. It was 'You've got another thing coming.' All of a sudden, I enter 'VICE CITY RAMAGE MODE' and nearly ran some guy over"
- ]-[ellequin

[This message has been edited by jEDIkIRBY (edited May 13, 2004).]

Oh yeah, that's what Dickenson and Frost did wrong they rhymed words. Silly them.

Don't worry, rhyming is a good thing....it's poetry.

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OSC Empire | A.H.N.U.L.D.
[Jim7 PING reply]: 666secs

So basically you're saying the poem is bad because it rhymes? Saying all poetry is bad because it rhymes then? Hmm, cause some of the best poets there are, English and otherwise, have written using rhyme. Including the generally accepted greatest English writer Shakespeare.

Oh hell, why am I bothering. Anyways, just ignore Kirby Daft_Vader.

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_ _ _____________ _ _
Wolf Moon
Cast Your Spell On Me
Beware
The Woods At Night
The Wolf Has Come

Thankyou everyone!

By the way, Sajn (rhymes with Cajun) I have responded to your A.H.N.U.L.D. story! So continue it already!

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~ Vader's Corner ~

*vein pops out*

For the *counts* 90,039,024,195th time, it's S.A.J.N. that is why it's all capital letters! It's not a word it's 4 seperate letters. SAJN_Master not Sajn .. Either way it rhymes with cajun thought

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OSC Empire | A.H.N.U.L.D.
[Jim7 PING reply]: 666secs

I'm gonna link to this, because it's pretty long.
http://206underground.net/board3/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=15817&sid=911ae7c39c 17c37d913c019475445b5e
This is a poem from a local guy named Chris. He's a very talented individual, at the young age of 18. He's performed at local theaters, and is getting a book published.

This poem is a perfect example of rhyming poetry that ISN'T a couplet form. Yes, couplets are an easy way to quickly express thoughts in poem form, but they are a very elementary form of rhyming. I encourage you to explore other rhyming forms, including the free-verse based rhyming scheme (as shown above)

[This message has been edited by Compos Mentis (edited May 13, 2004).]

"It rhyms which instantly degrades all thoughts within the poem"
"Rhyming poetry usually sucks"
"I like rhyming poetry. Quite a bit, actually."

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Bassoon, n. A brazen instrument into which a fool blows out his brains.

Famous classic poem. Easy vocabulary. Just about anyone can read it. ROBERT FROST. Rhyming. Awesome.





Yea, seriously....WTF
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OSC Empire | A.H.N.U.L.D.
[Jim7 PING reply]: 666secs

[This message has been edited by SAJN_Master (edited May 13, 2004).]

Supported? Where's your support?

And no, it doesn't take a huge vocabulary, just some time and effort.
Damn, what I say is outdated, people posting rather fast, and me easily distracted, lol.

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_ _ _____________ _ _
Wolf Moon
Cast Your Spell On Me
Beware
The Woods At Night
The Wolf Has Come

[This message has been edited by LKOH_SniperWolf (edited May 13, 2004).]

I'm iffy about rhyming in poems. I really don't like couplets. I like the rhymes more spread out, like ABCB or even ABAB. Couplets remind me too much of nursery rhymes and- well, they're just too catchy to be good!



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"I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I pretend to be." -Janis Joplin

Suddenly Kirby's posts disapear...thank god for Emons summary of them.

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OSC Empire | A.H.N.U.L.D.
[Jim7 PING reply]: 666secs

^^ My point in my post that's left.

Kirby and I decided to delete our non-constructive posts. It was, for the most part, back and forth between him and I (which has been since resolved).

So yeah, Massassi, pull the stick out of your *** . Sometimes, that's ok.

I'm adding </sarcasm> tags to my sig as of now. Just FYIzzle

[This message has been edited by Compos Mentis (edited May 13, 2004).]

LOL! Kirby, sit down and leave this dude a lone.

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In Tribute to Adam Sliger. Rest in Peace

10/7/85 - 12/9/03

Sorry, I hope I didn't cause any problems here.

As for my poetry, Ive written a lot of other stuff; about 20 poems, some of which aren't so great. The one above is one of my latest, and I'm currently 15.

I began writing when when I was 12. Here's my first poem.


Flames in the Fire


Flames in the fire, oh, aren’t they dire,
That constant flickering of light;
Bounding with grace, at varying pace,
Round and round the hearth.

See how they fly, uttering a cry,
From the depths of their fiery embers;
Their warmth abundant, crackle redundant,
Round and round the hearth.

Gaze as they loom, bearing fiery doom,
Over the logs among them;
With the wood alight, a smoldering plight,
Round and round the hearth.

Stare at shadows cast – like sails on a mast,
They flutter and wave with vigor;
Back and forth, in constant morph,
Round and round the hearth.

Watch them dance, for they may perchance,
Unlock your imagination:
Then your mind will go, a vivid flow,
Round and round the hearth.

I've tried lots of different rhyme schemes, including free verse and a sonnet, though I generally rhyme traditionally. My fav poet is William Wordsworth. Here's another one (my freeverse poem):

The Hummingbird


A glimmering rainbow of emerald and sapphire
Whistles through the air like an arrow in mid-flight.
Vibrant, a collage of colorful motion, it darts among trees,
Shoots through hedges – and soars across the ground
Ablaze in radiant beauty.
As it dances around flowers and alights upon their petals
Its gemmed wings beat furiously with exhilaration;
Its ruby-red throat shines with fiery brilliance,
A twinkling star floating in a sea of light.
Small, yet adventurous, it sails through the breeze
Proud as a lion, keen as a hawk.
Playfully it bounds through the sky
As if sovereign lord over all of nature’s realms.
Trials and hardships do not deter it, nor does it tire and fall –
But instead, it encounters each new challenge
Head up, wings out, brave and tall.

I also tried writing a mini-epic, so to speak. Some of te rhyming is way off, but it's got kind of a nice moral undertone/story.

The Wanderer

I was one day crossing fields, green and calm,
The wind in my hair, the sun in my eyes,
Birds overhead sang with charm,
Flowers beside me danced in the breeze.
I rambled onwards, blissful and content
Over stiles, across cool pastures
Upon exploring was I bent,
When I came to a road, winding and long.

I saw in the distance a most peculiar thing
A shabby old man, creeping down the lane
Wearing an old brown coat, far from clean
The most curious little hat perched upon his head.
Slowly though surely he came towards me
Bearing a cane old and battered
While I had felt half inclined to flee.
And so stopped beside me, did he.

I looked up into his big, dark gaze
And examined his tumbling beard
When he as of sudden, rocked in a daze
And sat upon an old wall beside the lane.
I looked over the weary traveler once more
And sat beside him upon the wall.
We stared at one another in silent awe -
Each was more surprised than the other.

A stern look played across his face
And he looked at me with a glare.
But then this look disappeared without a trace
Instead, he shined upon me a charming smile.
I returned the favor, with laughter in my eyes
And we both erupted with jocularity.
And I saw right through his menacing guise
Instead I focused on what was inside.

Indeed beneath the tattered raiment
There was a man, old and kindly.
And his poor condition I did lament,
Though there was little I could have done.
But caring not who or where the other was from,
We greeted each other like old friends,
Who had for a long time been gone
From one another’s side.

While still grins were we wearing
Asked the man did I,
“Where do you come from, and your bearing?
To what lands are you set upon?”
After a long, drawn-out breath, he did reply
His voice hoarse and dry,
“I have nowhere in particular in mind,
For I roam the world alone and free.”

“I am not hindered by time,
Indeed it means nothing to me,
But instead I walk and climb
Across and over the boundaries of this earth.
For time and a residence do not concern me
When and where God wills it, I will go.
Nor do I worry about what tomorrow brings me,
As all things are in God hands.”

“I have learned to enjoy life as it is;
I am content with it and myself.
I do not cloud my heads with thoughts remiss
Or selfish, or conceited, or arrogant.
Nor do I worry how I shall be clothed or fed
God knows my needs and provides,
Worrying will but only gray the hairs of my head.
So again I say, God will provide!”

“No! No, I do not worry!
For that cannot add a single hour to my life.
On the road of life, I will never hurry,
I treasure it, and take joy in it’s every moment.
So now I proclaim to you my identity:
A wanderer, a wandering man of God!”
He had spoken so well, with such truth to me,
I could not help but be impressed with him.

But the sun had set, and though tired was he
He stood up, after shaking hands,
And once more he embarked on his journey,
His life’s sole goal and pursuit.
I waved him off, sad at his leaving
Though at the same time rather happy.
For in my heart, I would keep on believing,
Right to the very end.

My poems usually take me anywhere from 30 minutes to a several hours to write, and I love writing them. I've written a few for school. I'm currently in the 9th grade at Asheville Christian Academy.

Please, by all menas, check out my website (see my sig)! I don't have many of my poems up yet, but I'm adding more and I have forums as well as some of my JK work and stuff!

Also, I don't suppose anyone would like it if I actually read some of my poems into the mic and posted them up here as mp3s, would they? I love reading aloud! Maybe I'll get some published one day, although there's not much of a market for poetry in our present culture...




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~ Vader's Corner ~

[This message has been edited by Daft_Vader (edited May 13, 2004).]

You're very wrong about there being no market for poetry in our culture. It is still a very very important part in many parts of the world (Chicago being one of the bigger ones in the US).

As far as you reading them, it'd be cool. The only thing I could see causing a problem is that couplets, when read, often don't keep the listener as tuned in as something that was written to be read out loud (like slam poetry or spoken word).

But I encourage you to keep writing. Maybe I'll start posting some here, or your website. In fact, I'll go do that now.

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</sarcasm>

Great! I'd love to have more interaction with some of my users and visitors! You could even register on the forums!

Don't forget there's also poem of the month feature, which I'm sure you'll get!

(Edit: I'll get working on some mp3s!)

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~ Vader's Corner ~

[This message has been edited by Daft_Vader (edited May 13, 2004).]

Does anyone know how to edit out the mic static in goldwav? You know, where you breathed too hard over/close too the mic while you were speaking?

I did a really bad recording, also a quiet one, mainly cause I should be going to bed about know and everyone else is already asleep. I'll have a shot at it anyway and post it via my webserver.

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~ Vader's Corner ~

I don't know goldwave, but the classic way to get rid of static is a high-pass filter. If goldwave has one of those, try messing around with the settings on it to reduce the static.

I'll have some stuff emailed to you later on tonite

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</sarcasm>

I think my favorite kind of poem is the kind that flows really well when spoken...plenty of rhyme but without that repetitive tempo.

[Edit: Ooops, forgot to say that I like your stuff. Definitely on the better side of the poetry I've seen in here. Good work.]
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WOOSH|-----@%

[This message has been edited by BobTheMasher (edited May 13, 2004).]

Good work man it was a fun read... keep it up.

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Your soul will be mine!

I liked your first poem the best. I'm not sure why Wolf said that the last lines were contrived, I liked the last lines quite a bit. Pay no attention to what Kirby said, what you posted was far more intelligible. Great work for being so young, keep it up. It's always good to see people praising Christ in their talents.

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Are we all figments of God's imagination?

[This message has been edited by Takimoto (edited May 13, 2004).]

Thanks Takimoto! I've enjoyed reading your website, and your life and ministry are a great inspiration to me! I also wish you and Olga a very happy marriage together!

Guys, I got the mp3 up! It's just a bit under a megabyte and it loads in the browser. THe link is http://www.freewebs.com/vaderscorner/dreams.html. Also, Mentis, why don't you just register on my froums and submit your poems there! It's easier, and I appreciate every registered member, even if you don't come there that often. I currently only have ten memebers.

The link is http://daftvader.proboards28.com . Well, I'm turning in for the night. Thankyou so much for your comments and criticism everyone! I'll try an post more sometime tomorrow, though I may be busy for a while doing some church stuff. We're working on a fundraiser for a mission trip this summer!

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~ Vader's Corner ~

I really like Flames in the Fire, despite it's rhyme scheme.

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"I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I pretend to be." -Janis Joplin