A Morbid Little Piece I Wrote.

I started at 10:00 and finished at 12:00, so it's going to be a little rusty until I can wake up tomorrow and go through with my editing thumb. and, of coruse, Goy's thumb will help out, I bet.

Questions? Comments? Constructive Criticism?

JediKirby

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jEDIkIRBY - Putting the Romance back into Necromancer.
Proud Leader of the Minnessassian Council

Live on, Adam.

Seems a bit overly cliche dontcha think? The writing isn't bad just the whole story seems like I've read it in books and seen it in movies over and over again.

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(>º_º)> ±h³ ѳv³®-£ⁿd¡תּ9 §±ºr¥ <(º_º<) | (>º_º)> תּℓζ ШǿѓЖ§|-Юρ <(º_º<)

I don't want to read it tonight, but here's a tip: Don't name characters (especially if they use a gun) Bill. It's BAD now. Just like you can't name anyone Luke in SciFi.

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"I'd rather be hated for who I am rather than loved for who I pretend to be." -Janis Joplin

Interesting. But usually something like that has a kind of message, something I didn't really pick up after a few once-overs.

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Map-Review | My Portfolio | The Matrix: Unplugged

Banks and banks of humming machinery! I've never seen so many knobs. We're going to have to do something, Charlie! Try pushing that button there. No? How about that one? No, not that one either. I know! I'll try pushing this one. Hold my hat will you? Good fellow.

I've never seen anything like that, or at least not much. The execution of a few bits is somewhat cliche. But overall nice story.

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There is no signature

I enjoy the ending, the twist in a way, but the whole start to mid part seems "Ugh I've already read this before" Like it seemed like I was reading a sequal to "The Outsiders" or "That was Then This is Now"

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(>º_º)> ±h³ ѳv³®-£ⁿd¡תּ9 §±ºr¥ <(º_º<) | (>º_º)> תּℓζ ШǿѓЖ§|-Юρ <(º_º<)

I lack morals, thus my stories lack this quality as well. *sings '*****es and h**s - SAJN_Master*

JediKirby

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jEDIkIRBY - Putting the Romance back into Necromancer.
Proud Leader of the Minnessassian Council

Live on, Adam.

<3

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(>º_º)> ±h³ ѳv³®-£ⁿd¡תּ9 §±ºr¥ <(º_º<) | (>º_º)> תּℓζ ШǿѓЖ§|-Юρ <(º_º<)

Very nice, but it could use some, well, let's say, "tweaking". But still, very cool.

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"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm."

- Winston Churchill

Like I said, wait for the morning.

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jEDIkIRBY - Putting the Romance back into Necromancer.
Proud Leader of the Minnessassian Council

Live on, Adam.

daren isn't a very good friend

It's a good story, but it does seem like it's been done before

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