"Let Go"


What Manner of love, that we love each day?
That we forget pain, and live for the now;
That we hide oursleves, beneath furrowed brow.
What the incentive, why do we delay?
Why not show oursleves, why do we not pray?
For release from our stormy souls, made foul
By the graven problems, we still do plow
Through the deep, furrowed field of great dismay.

But just when great dismay grabs hold of life,
We stop and glance beyond our field of strife.
And then we feel warm hands press to ours,
And ruts once filled with mud, now bloom with flowers.
And so these hands, they guide us through and through -
All because we prayed, and prayers come true.



So, is it any good? So many of my piers at school thought it was incredible, I read it in class and they all applauded. However, my teacher thought it was just pretty good. And my mum didn't think that much of it. So many people tell me my poems are wonderful (mostly kids my age) but a fair number of adults often think they could be much better. But no one ever gives me any true comments. They just say, "Wow, that's really good."

So please, Massassians, tell me two things:

1) What are your honest opinions of this poem (don't be so brutal I never write one again) but at the smae time, give me some good solid suggestions or even just personal opinions as to what could make my poems better.

2) Tell me how you interpret the poem, and what you think it means. I'm curious to see how different people see my poem.

I really like line 12 and thereabouts. The first part was kind of boggy, imo.

I liked it. Nice use of vocabulary, and, though the theme is not wholly original, its presentation avoids the clichéd usage of words with darker connotation (a la Linkin Park).

My personal interpretation? It's basically saying, "Yeah, things may suck now, but if you simply stick with it and wait it out, things will get better."

[ Edit ] The above was in no ways an attempt to insult Linkin Park. I like Linkin Park; I really do. [ /Edit ]

The theme and words are good, but if you want to stick with the sonnet form, you need to work on the rhythm. It really doesn't sound right when you read it in iambic pentameter. You should look at some Shakespearean stuff; get a feel for the rhythm.

My God, I sound like someone who actually remembers something from English class. DIE, MEMORIES, DIE!!

"What Manner of love, that we love each day?"
What is love, if we "love" every day? How can we TRUELY love, if we "love" every day? It can't be real if it is occurs so systematicly.


"That we forget pain, and live for the now;"
It can't be true love if we use it only to forget out pains.


"That we hide oursleves, beneath furrowed brow."
We use love to try and play it off, but we are just hiding from our hurt, bitter selves.


"What the incentive, why do we delay?"
Why play games? We are who we are, no point in trying to forget who we really are.


"Why not show oursleves, why do we not pray?"
Why not face it and see how f***** up we really are and pray for forgiveness and change.


"For release from our stormy souls, made foul"
Pray for forgiveness.


"By the graven problems, we still do plow"
Forgiveness for the vial sins we still commit day after day.


"Through the deep, furrowed field of great dismay."
For the very same sins we knowingly commit day after day with guilt.


"But just when great dismay grabs hold of life,"
Just when the guilt gets to us, and we start down the path of hopelessness...


"We stop and glance beyond our field of strife."
We stop and try to look for something more... or atleast different... to take our minds off of our own faults.


"And then we feel warm hands press to ours,"
Then we find some one we "love".


"And ruts once filled with mud, now bloom with flowers."
And we blind ourselves with the one we "love" and no longer see all of our own problems. Everything appears good in our eyes, even our own sins.


"And so these hands, they guide us through and through -"
One "love" to the next help us forget.

"All because we prayed, and prayers come true."
All because we prayed for everything to be good, but there is no innocence after sin, only forgetfullness. And forgetfullness is what we were granted.



Dude, you are a good poet.

I really like that interpretation - It's quite different from my original concept, but I like it nonetheless. Thanks!

I'm liking the Petrarchan.. I'm not sure what or if the meter rules for Petrarchan sonnets are (other than the standard 10-syllable rule), but the meter seems okay.

Don't use "furrowed" twice... Bust out the vocab.

The reason some people might call it "cliche" is that you try to conquer too much with the poem. You can't detail life or love itself in 14 lines. If you look at other sonnets (Shakespeare, Milton, etc..), hardly any poems are direct discourses on life. Any sort of description of something so grand can only come across as fluffy and unreal. Instead, most poems attempt to paint some smaller aspect of life, by whose light a more mature observation of the whole can be seen.

I don't mean to discourage you. I too am seriously experimenting with poetry for the first time. It's incredibly hard at times, especially with formal styles such as the sonnet (although Shakesperian is even harder -- iambic is a word of pain to me). I don't mean to sound high and mighty, because I am in no way either of those; just trying to aid a peer respectfully. You obviously have great potential; I am sure you will develop it.