I was listening to Huun-huur-tu, and suddenly came up with an idea for another legend. It’s much shorter than the last one, and it took about 40 min to bang out. Basically I’m just looking for a reality check here, to see if this is worth anything…

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Many years ago, when people still clustered in crude villages and when much of the land lay beyond a frontier, there was a small village on the edge of a frontier. Born unto a family of shopkeepers in this village was a boy, but alas he had no love for money or trade, instead, he spent his childhood wandering the forests and mountains and fields that bordered their small village. He came quickly to admire those who farmed the land on the outskirts of the village; He admired their strength and their relationship with the land. His parents would try to teach him the ways of a shopkeeper, but deep down they knew that he had no interest in the family trade. When the day of his coming of age had passed, the young man decided that he would leave the village, and seek what life he could in the world.

For several days he wandered the mountains outside of his village, until he came upon a fertile valley, one untouched by spade nor axe. The soil was rich and dark, and a mountain stream fed a small lake. He made camp, but before the sun had passed behind the mountains, he had decided that this would be his new home. When morning came, the sun arose to find him surveying the land. Over the next few years, he fashioned himself a crude cabin and cleared an area for a small field. When he harvested his first crop, he looked upon the land with pride, but deep down inside he felt that something was missing. He begin by making a proper home for himself, and he took a larger crop that year, one with more variety. But deep inside he still came to feel as though something was missing.

Day after day he filled himself with toil, but each night he would stare at the stars and feel empty. He worked himself to near exhaustion, but try as he might, he could not find relief. As time passed, his health slowly begin to fail him, and his youthful beauty was replaced by the worn lines of age. Yet still he worked, as though still filled with the fires of youth. But as his body began to deteriorate, so did the land. His crops yielded less every year, the soil became more barren, and the lake slowly shrunk away. The fertile grounds he had seen as a young man were soon replaced by barren sands. Finally, one year the stream that fed the lake and brought life to the valley dried up, and with it the valley became a wasteland.

The man, now old and nearing lameness stood upon what in his youth he had seen as paradise. He reached down and took a handful of the earth that had once been so full of life, and letting the sand fall through his fingers cried out "What have I done wrong? What, in my foolish youth, have I forgotten that has brought this emptiness unto myself and ruin unto this land?" Suddenly the wind came up, and blew the last of the sand from the hands of the old man, and in its cold and empty voice, it answered, "You were alone."

Looks like the last one wasn't a fluke -- you have a real talent for this. I love the whole "dawn of the world" feel these legends have.

My only quibble would be that, in a small village in early, primitive societies, it would probably be unlikely to have a shopkeeper with a permanent residence in town. Most people would have been fairly self-sufficient, and any supplies they couldn't make themselves or get from a local craftsman would have come from traveling merchants.

It doesn't seem like something vital to the story, though, so I'd suggest making the guy's parents basket-weavers or potters or some other non-agricultural craftsman's job.

But yeah, otherwise I love everything about this story. It totally sounds like something a village elder would tell over a campfire or something.

Thanks!

When I was coming up with the story, the first thing that came into my mind for the parents was the idea of a merchant, but I realized that would indicate a more developed trade and industry. From there I tried to roll around non-self sufficient professions and ended up with generic shopkeeper. For the most part any craftsmen’s occupation should fit in, but I just need to find out what fits in best with the period and theme of the story.