Currently untitled, but I wanted to get some opinions on it and try to improve it before I do anything with it.
It's around nine pages long double spaced just so you have a gist of the length.
I should probably tell you a little about myself before I begin. First off, my name is Carl Livingston. I live in central Nebraska with my elder sister of one year, Jennifer, and my sad excuse of a father, David. We live on a farm that you couldn’t find unless you took the time to look for it or already knew where it was. I really shouldn’t call it a farm anymore though; my father bought it from the previous owners after my mother died nearly three years ago, but never planted anything. So basically it was a house in the middle of nowhere where we tried to live.
I didn’t have the best childhood; hell, I barely had a decent childhood. I was the guy constantly left out of everything. It hurt at first, but then who wouldn’t be hurt? Being rejected by your peers, the only people in your mind that mattered. The people that you would do anything for just to feel accepted in their clique. Major self-confidence breaker. It took me the better part of six years to realize that they weren’t as cool as I had originally thought and started to stay away from them.
School became a burden for me near the end of middle school. I decided that everyone else was an enemy to me: I strayed away from everyone, my grades sharply dropped, and I avoided any help anyone would try to offer me. I got so detached that suicide was never far away from my thoughts. I had more than once tried, but luckily Jennifer found me every time and nursed me back to complete physical health. The knife set in the kitchen began to look more and more friendly as the days advanced. Maybe a little too friendly now that I think back on it… I still have the scars on my lower arms and hands to prove it. I spent all the money I had on trying to change who I was: piercings, tattoos, clothes. You’d be surprised at who would give a minor anything for the right amount of money. Even the teachers who were always supportive and complimentary of me started to avoid me, almost in fear of what I made myself into. It’s not like I’d ever even think of hurting anyone. No, I wasn’t like that; complete opposite in fact. My life meant so little to me that I wouldn’t have taken two seconds to think before risking my life to save someone else’s. If only they knew the real Carl, they wouldn’t be so afraid of me.
I had to start a whole now life when we moved to the farm. Not that I’m complaining, I would have a chance to shed the nasty labels I’d been given at previous schools and start over with people I have never met. I figured it would easy to start my second year in high school because I was at a completely now town. I had nothing put on me: no reputation, no labels, no stresses, and no reasons to try and live up to something, or someone. There was just one problem, I had spent the better part of two years as a complete loner and had forgotten how to interact with anyone at all.
It’s not that I didn’t try or anything, because I did. I just wasn’t social. Having nothing in my wardrobe except long sleeve black T-shirts (to cover the scars), black jeans, chain bracelets, chain necklaces, skull ear studs, and a black leather trenchcoat didn’t seem to help much either. I really stuck out at the football games too; being that the school colors were white and gold, black just didn’t seem to cut it. I was once again constantly looked down upon by most everyone in that school. Sure I had friends, but none that would admit to even knowing me in public. I had never felt so alone before.
It was the day of the homecoming football game of my third year of high school. Of course this only being my second year at this school, I still wasn’t to into it. Even though sports always brought back hurtful memories, the only kind I seemed to have at the time, I went to the games, mainly to get away from everything that bothered me. I sat near the top of the stadium with my collar on my trench propped up to keep my neck warm while I watched all the students crowd up at the front of the bleachers as though they were trying to be part of the game. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself at how foolish they looked. It was then that I felt that something was different from games before. Something wasn’t right. It was one of those feelings that you get when you know someone is watching you, but this one was different, more focused, stronger in a way. Suddenly I felt nervous, a feeling that had been cold to me for quite some years. I slowly looked around trying to find what was stirring this forgotten feeling. It was then that I noticed someone staring at me from down the bleacher that I was sitting on. If I didn’t know better, I would have confused it with a mirror. It took me a few moments to regain my position as I started at this creature that looked like something you only see in dreams. I began to wonder if she was the reason that I had that strange sensation only a moment ago. But before I could complete my thoughts I realized that she had stood up and was slowly walking toward me.
Something about her struck me deeply, in ways that I had never before experienced. I’m not sure if it was the way her hips swayed as she walked, the way her long auburn hair flowed behind her in the breeze, or maybe I was just terrified that someone was actually approaching me. Any way you look at it, something was about to happen to me that I never would have guessed would happen.
“Hi,” her voice definitely was not conducive of her outward appearance in the least. Outwardly, she appeared cold, quiet, and reserved, much like myself. But her voice was warm and inviting, not so much chipper, but more of a low soothing tone. A chill ran down my spine and I couldn’t help but shiver when she spoke.
I looked at her through my dark tinted sunglasses and somehow managed to return her greeting by nodding my head. I had suddenly lost the power of speech and was embarrassed that I couldn’t say anything to her. Another emotion had resurfaced in the past few minutes.
“My name is Anael. What’s yours?” Again her warm tone enveloped me as she reached her hand out. Her willingness to talk to me is what most surprised me about her.
“Carl,” I replied. I couldn’t help comparing the coldness of my own voice with the harmonic tone of hers.
She sat down on the left side of me. Normally I would have moved over more, she was a little to close to me, but something told me to stay. She kept looking at me and I couldn’t figure out why. She must have noticed my uneasiness and looked back toward the game that had started just a few minutes before. There was something different about her, I didn’t know what, but she wasn’t like everyone else. Don’t ask me how I knew she was different; it was just a feeling I had. Reading people was something I had taught myself to do. I had to learn when someone actually wants to be around me or when they just wanted something from me. What’s more is that I had never seen her before, she seemed to be near my age, but I hadn’t seen her in any classes and this was the first athletic event I’d ever seen her at.
‘She must be new here,’ I thought to myself. ‘She definitely doesn’t seem the type that would hang around with anyone around here either, but what do I know, I just met her.’ I never liked judging people before knowing them, which means I didn’t judge many people because I never talked. I decided this would be the most opportune time to try. “I haven’t seen you around before, you new?”
She just looked at me and smiled. “No, I’ve been around for a few months, I live outside of town and don’t get in too much.”
Well, that would explain how I hadn’t recognized her, she must have moved here right before school started this year. I don’t know how to explain it, but I felt some sort of connection with her. Like I had known her before, but I know that wasn’t true. Even though her name seemed familiar, I would have remembered the person who the name belonged to if I had ever met her. You have to admit that Anael is not exactly a common name.
Something in her eyes captivated me. They seemed to glow, but they weren’t just one color. As I studied them I noticed they were blue near her pupils and they faded to a light green near the edge of the iris. There was only one other person I had ever seen that had eyes like that… me, but mine were opposite, green near the pupil then fading to blue. Her eyes were so deep and tender; I momentarily became lost as I was gazing into them.
I awoke from my hypnotic state when I realized she was taking my glasses off. I quickly turned my head away and propped my collar back up. I felt bad for doing it, but I’ve always thought that the window to your soul lied in the eyes, and I’d rather have my soul kept to myself for the time being. I don’t need any pity or sympathy from anyone because of the burdens my life has put on me.
“I’m sorry, but I wanted to see your eyes, you seemed so sad and I wanted to see for myself.”
I didn’t understand right then what she meant by that; all I could think was that she was very good at reading people too, or at least reading me.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I told her. “So where did you move here from?” I said more in desperation to change the subject than genuinely wanting to know.
Now it seemed to be her turn to avoid the subject. She wouldn’t give me a definite answer, just that it was “really far away from here.” I didn’t push the subject. If she didn’t want to talk about it, I didn’t want to force her to.
The rest of the game was pretty silent between us. I noticed her casting glances at me every few minutes, but decided it better not to try and read into it. I was getting more confused by the second. This girl had appeared out of nowhere and came to me. She could have had her pick of anyone else in the school, and she picked me to talk to. The thought of it sent shots of electricity to every nerve ending in my body all at once.
The game was nearing the end. I would guess it was somewhere near ten, already dark out and the full moon just peeking through the horizon. It was then that another twist in fate had occurred, Anael asked me to walk through the nearby forest with her. Since I didn’t really have any excuse not to, I complied.
“You might want to take those off,” she said playfully. “You won’t be able to see anything.”
I just looked at her and jammed my hands into the pockets of my coat. She must have realized my reluctance to take my glasses off, and before I knew it, she lunged at me and grabbed them. I had no way of fighting her off seeing as how my hands were in my pockets.
“There, now you won’t trip over anything while we go for our walk,” she said as she folded my glasses and tucked them into her shirt.
She had found my weakness and exploited it by removing my shielding of that weakness, but more importantly, what had she meant by ‘our walk’? Just minutes before it was ‘a walk’ and now suddenly it was ‘our walk’, like this was something special. She was definitely a curious creature, and I must admit that she was attracting my attention more and more as I was in her company. I suddenly found myself actually wanting to be near her.
She pulled my hand out of my pocket and proceeded to lead me into the trees. ‘She was right after all,’ I thought. ‘I can barely see anything even without my glasses on, there was no way I could have gotten through with them.’
She seemed more than at home among the trees and brush. I admired her ability to walk without making a sound, while every step I took echoed with crushed leaves and twigs snapping. She could glide from tree to tree effortlessly in completely silence.
We had only walked for five or so minutes when she slipped behind a tree and out of my sight, not that it wouldn’t be easy to loose someone wearing nothing but black, in a forest, after dark.
“Anael? Where’d you go?”
No response. I walked a little further until I reached an area where the moonlight broke through a hole in the trees above me. I thought this would be a good a place as any to search; it was definitely the most well lit area around.
“Anael? Come on, this isn’t funny.”
I searched the area for her, but it would have been impossible for me to find her. Then I felt something hit my right side and drag me down hard. I found myself lying on my back with Anael on top of me pinning my arms to the ground.
“I have you now,” she said seductively.
After getting over the surprise, I suddenly knew her game and decided to play along for awhile; after all, I had to get my glasses back. “And what do you plan on doing now that you have me?” The words escaped my mouth before I knew what I was really saying.
She didn’t say anything; she just looked into my eyes and I looked back into hers. The moonlight outlining her hair and radiating from behind her head, it reminded me of a silver halo. She slowly brought her face down closer to mine, never taking her eyes off mine. She gently pressed her lips against mine. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Her warm supple lips were so inviting and soft. It wasn’t long before everything was spinning, as if the entire universe revolved solely around us. It seemed like this one moment in time was frozen and would last forever.
She unpinned my arms and I took one free arm and wrapped it around her back and took the other hand and held it to the side of her face. Her skin was soft and warm to the touch. I could feel her hair gently caressing my face as we kissed. The taste of her lips, the feel of her skin, the gentle breeze on her long hair, her breathing becoming deeper and quicker, it was all too much for me to handle. This was something that you read about in romance novels or saw on television soap operas, I never thought that something like this could ever really happen, especially to me. I decided to stop thinking about it and just live in the moment.
I’m not sure exactly how much time had passed or how long we were lying there on the grass and leaves. She broke the kiss and looked deeply into my eyes again, but something was different from before. Her eyes possessed a sad, almost frightened look. I put my arms around her to hold her tightly, but she pulled my arms away.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
I had no words to ease her. I just looked at her and managed to smile. “It’s alright,” I said and pulled her close to me once again, and this time she didn’t pull away. She rested her head on my chest as her breathing steadied.
The moon was in full view by now. I wasn’t sure what time it was and cursed myself for not wearing a watch. Anael became more beautiful every time I looked down at her. It wasn’t long before I realized that she had fallen asleep in my arms. Again, I wasn’t sure of what I should do. It’s not like I’ve ever been this close to anyone physically, or had someone fall asleep with me holding her. I realized that it was getting late, but I didn’t want to leave. I worried more for her, my father didn’t care if I didn’t come home at night, I’m not sure if it’s because he trusted me, or wanted to be rid of me, but either way I was safe, but I worried for Anael. I didn’t want to be a cause of suffering for her by getting her in trouble with her parents.
“Anael, you have to wake up.” I said softly as I stroked her hair.
All I heard from her were a few contented sighs as she shifted position and fell back asleep.
“Anael, wake up… It’s late.”
This time I managed to get her to open her eyes. She looked at me and just smiled. It was at that point that I realized I was feeling something that I had never experienced before in my life… love, for the very first time. My mind became filled with a flood of the memories of times to come. I pictured what my life might be like with Anael by me forever. I think she knew what I was thinking at that moment because she showed me her warm smile once again and a look of happiness on her face that was not there before. My sight was once again attracted to her eyes. She had the most beautiful, radiant eyes that I had ever seen, and with the light from the moon glistening off of them, she looked angelic. I pulled her close to me once more and we shared the most passionate, loving kiss I had ever experienced. That was the moment that I knew I had found someone to be with forever.
We both rose from the ground, reluctantly, and walked out of the trees hand in hand. Her hand held tightly onto mind, and it took only minutes before I realized that she was trembling in my grasp. I looked at her and her eyes showed fear once again.
“Anael, what’s wrong?”
I’m not sure what exactly happened then or what was running through her mind, but she wrapped her arms around me and started quietly sobbing into my chest.
I didn’t know what else to do, I embraced her and held her close to me hoping that it would make her feel safe and that she didn’t have anything to be afraid of. After what seemed like hours, her sobs became quieter and less forceful.
“There’s something I have to show you,” she looked at me with moist eyes. She removed my glasses from where she had stored them in her shirt earlier and handed them back to me. I just looked at her in slight confusion. She walked about ten feet in front of me. “Carl, I love you, and I always have since I saw your birth. I saw all of what was happening to you and I knew all your thoughts.”
I had absolutely no idea what she meant. She’s always loved me? I had just met her, how could she have always loved me. How could she have known all my thoughts?
“I know you won’t understand everything I tell you, so I have to show you.” She looked up toward the sky and suddenly a blinding light escaped from her body. I had to turn around and shield my eyes from the pain.
The light slowly faded and I turned to face her again, but she wasn’t the way she was before. There was a gentle gold light radiating from her. She looked at me and I saw a figure emerge from behind her. She had wings! No, she had one wing. Fear and confusion swept over me. She looked at me with her warm, loving eyes and then I understood.
“Carl, I was an angel. I defied the Lord by falling in love with a human being, you. I implored Him to let me come to earth and be with you, but He denied me. I disobeyed Him and came anyway. He found me and as a punishment, He took one of my wings and told me that I must return when I am finished.”
Her explanation eased my fears of her, but not my fear for her. This angel, this being had sinned and given up one of her wings all for me. There was nothing else I could do. I fell to my knees and started crying. Anael gave me an understanding glance and walked toward me. She took my hand and stood me up. It was her turn to comfort me. She wrapped her arms and her one wing around me. Calmness surrounded me and I felt safe in her protection. I never wanted this to end and I never wanted to feel anything else.
“Carl, I have to go now.”
“No! Is there any way that you can stay? I don’t want to lose you.”
“I will always be near you Carl. If you want it enough, you will still be able to see me in your dreams and memories. I have a gift for you. Angels are allowed to perform one miracle in their existence, and I have chosen to give mine to you.”
She let go of me and took a step back. She grasped my hand and looked deeply into my eyes. I felt her eyes searching my soul and her soft gaze comforting me at the same time. I felt a sharp pain, like a knife stabbing me, right above my left shoulder blade. I screamed and fell to my knees.
“I have given you something to remember me by, Carl,” she told me as she lifted me back to my feet.
I looked to my left side and what I saw astonished me. Anael had given me the wing that was taken from her! I quickly looked back at her and couldn’t help but crying again. Anael had done something for me that nobody else would. She gave me something that meant more to her than her own existence.
She started backing away from me and looked toward the sky again. Another blinding light surrounded us, but this time I didn’t have to shield my eyes from it. I could see in this bright light perfectly clear. I watched as Anael ascended into the night sky. “Remember Carl, I love you and I will always be near.”
In case your wondering, Anael is supposedly the name of the angel in charge of love, passion, and romance.
The original story was nearly 15 pages long and I went back and edited a lot of it out, mainly because it took away from the main story, that's why David and Jennifer are introduced in the first paragraph, but never talked about much in the story.
Anyway, any suggestions, comments, flames, or anything at all?
[EDIT]Forgot that tabs don't show on webpages, separated the paragraphs so it should be easier to read now. Sorry:o [/EDIT]
It's around nine pages long double spaced just so you have a gist of the length.
I should probably tell you a little about myself before I begin. First off, my name is Carl Livingston. I live in central Nebraska with my elder sister of one year, Jennifer, and my sad excuse of a father, David. We live on a farm that you couldn’t find unless you took the time to look for it or already knew where it was. I really shouldn’t call it a farm anymore though; my father bought it from the previous owners after my mother died nearly three years ago, but never planted anything. So basically it was a house in the middle of nowhere where we tried to live.
I didn’t have the best childhood; hell, I barely had a decent childhood. I was the guy constantly left out of everything. It hurt at first, but then who wouldn’t be hurt? Being rejected by your peers, the only people in your mind that mattered. The people that you would do anything for just to feel accepted in their clique. Major self-confidence breaker. It took me the better part of six years to realize that they weren’t as cool as I had originally thought and started to stay away from them.
School became a burden for me near the end of middle school. I decided that everyone else was an enemy to me: I strayed away from everyone, my grades sharply dropped, and I avoided any help anyone would try to offer me. I got so detached that suicide was never far away from my thoughts. I had more than once tried, but luckily Jennifer found me every time and nursed me back to complete physical health. The knife set in the kitchen began to look more and more friendly as the days advanced. Maybe a little too friendly now that I think back on it… I still have the scars on my lower arms and hands to prove it. I spent all the money I had on trying to change who I was: piercings, tattoos, clothes. You’d be surprised at who would give a minor anything for the right amount of money. Even the teachers who were always supportive and complimentary of me started to avoid me, almost in fear of what I made myself into. It’s not like I’d ever even think of hurting anyone. No, I wasn’t like that; complete opposite in fact. My life meant so little to me that I wouldn’t have taken two seconds to think before risking my life to save someone else’s. If only they knew the real Carl, they wouldn’t be so afraid of me.
I had to start a whole now life when we moved to the farm. Not that I’m complaining, I would have a chance to shed the nasty labels I’d been given at previous schools and start over with people I have never met. I figured it would easy to start my second year in high school because I was at a completely now town. I had nothing put on me: no reputation, no labels, no stresses, and no reasons to try and live up to something, or someone. There was just one problem, I had spent the better part of two years as a complete loner and had forgotten how to interact with anyone at all.
It’s not that I didn’t try or anything, because I did. I just wasn’t social. Having nothing in my wardrobe except long sleeve black T-shirts (to cover the scars), black jeans, chain bracelets, chain necklaces, skull ear studs, and a black leather trenchcoat didn’t seem to help much either. I really stuck out at the football games too; being that the school colors were white and gold, black just didn’t seem to cut it. I was once again constantly looked down upon by most everyone in that school. Sure I had friends, but none that would admit to even knowing me in public. I had never felt so alone before.
It was the day of the homecoming football game of my third year of high school. Of course this only being my second year at this school, I still wasn’t to into it. Even though sports always brought back hurtful memories, the only kind I seemed to have at the time, I went to the games, mainly to get away from everything that bothered me. I sat near the top of the stadium with my collar on my trench propped up to keep my neck warm while I watched all the students crowd up at the front of the bleachers as though they were trying to be part of the game. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself at how foolish they looked. It was then that I felt that something was different from games before. Something wasn’t right. It was one of those feelings that you get when you know someone is watching you, but this one was different, more focused, stronger in a way. Suddenly I felt nervous, a feeling that had been cold to me for quite some years. I slowly looked around trying to find what was stirring this forgotten feeling. It was then that I noticed someone staring at me from down the bleacher that I was sitting on. If I didn’t know better, I would have confused it with a mirror. It took me a few moments to regain my position as I started at this creature that looked like something you only see in dreams. I began to wonder if she was the reason that I had that strange sensation only a moment ago. But before I could complete my thoughts I realized that she had stood up and was slowly walking toward me.
Something about her struck me deeply, in ways that I had never before experienced. I’m not sure if it was the way her hips swayed as she walked, the way her long auburn hair flowed behind her in the breeze, or maybe I was just terrified that someone was actually approaching me. Any way you look at it, something was about to happen to me that I never would have guessed would happen.
“Hi,” her voice definitely was not conducive of her outward appearance in the least. Outwardly, she appeared cold, quiet, and reserved, much like myself. But her voice was warm and inviting, not so much chipper, but more of a low soothing tone. A chill ran down my spine and I couldn’t help but shiver when she spoke.
I looked at her through my dark tinted sunglasses and somehow managed to return her greeting by nodding my head. I had suddenly lost the power of speech and was embarrassed that I couldn’t say anything to her. Another emotion had resurfaced in the past few minutes.
“My name is Anael. What’s yours?” Again her warm tone enveloped me as she reached her hand out. Her willingness to talk to me is what most surprised me about her.
“Carl,” I replied. I couldn’t help comparing the coldness of my own voice with the harmonic tone of hers.
She sat down on the left side of me. Normally I would have moved over more, she was a little to close to me, but something told me to stay. She kept looking at me and I couldn’t figure out why. She must have noticed my uneasiness and looked back toward the game that had started just a few minutes before. There was something different about her, I didn’t know what, but she wasn’t like everyone else. Don’t ask me how I knew she was different; it was just a feeling I had. Reading people was something I had taught myself to do. I had to learn when someone actually wants to be around me or when they just wanted something from me. What’s more is that I had never seen her before, she seemed to be near my age, but I hadn’t seen her in any classes and this was the first athletic event I’d ever seen her at.
‘She must be new here,’ I thought to myself. ‘She definitely doesn’t seem the type that would hang around with anyone around here either, but what do I know, I just met her.’ I never liked judging people before knowing them, which means I didn’t judge many people because I never talked. I decided this would be the most opportune time to try. “I haven’t seen you around before, you new?”
She just looked at me and smiled. “No, I’ve been around for a few months, I live outside of town and don’t get in too much.”
Well, that would explain how I hadn’t recognized her, she must have moved here right before school started this year. I don’t know how to explain it, but I felt some sort of connection with her. Like I had known her before, but I know that wasn’t true. Even though her name seemed familiar, I would have remembered the person who the name belonged to if I had ever met her. You have to admit that Anael is not exactly a common name.
Something in her eyes captivated me. They seemed to glow, but they weren’t just one color. As I studied them I noticed they were blue near her pupils and they faded to a light green near the edge of the iris. There was only one other person I had ever seen that had eyes like that… me, but mine were opposite, green near the pupil then fading to blue. Her eyes were so deep and tender; I momentarily became lost as I was gazing into them.
I awoke from my hypnotic state when I realized she was taking my glasses off. I quickly turned my head away and propped my collar back up. I felt bad for doing it, but I’ve always thought that the window to your soul lied in the eyes, and I’d rather have my soul kept to myself for the time being. I don’t need any pity or sympathy from anyone because of the burdens my life has put on me.
“I’m sorry, but I wanted to see your eyes, you seemed so sad and I wanted to see for myself.”
I didn’t understand right then what she meant by that; all I could think was that she was very good at reading people too, or at least reading me.
“You don’t have to apologize,” I told her. “So where did you move here from?” I said more in desperation to change the subject than genuinely wanting to know.
Now it seemed to be her turn to avoid the subject. She wouldn’t give me a definite answer, just that it was “really far away from here.” I didn’t push the subject. If she didn’t want to talk about it, I didn’t want to force her to.
The rest of the game was pretty silent between us. I noticed her casting glances at me every few minutes, but decided it better not to try and read into it. I was getting more confused by the second. This girl had appeared out of nowhere and came to me. She could have had her pick of anyone else in the school, and she picked me to talk to. The thought of it sent shots of electricity to every nerve ending in my body all at once.
The game was nearing the end. I would guess it was somewhere near ten, already dark out and the full moon just peeking through the horizon. It was then that another twist in fate had occurred, Anael asked me to walk through the nearby forest with her. Since I didn’t really have any excuse not to, I complied.
“You might want to take those off,” she said playfully. “You won’t be able to see anything.”
I just looked at her and jammed my hands into the pockets of my coat. She must have realized my reluctance to take my glasses off, and before I knew it, she lunged at me and grabbed them. I had no way of fighting her off seeing as how my hands were in my pockets.
“There, now you won’t trip over anything while we go for our walk,” she said as she folded my glasses and tucked them into her shirt.
She had found my weakness and exploited it by removing my shielding of that weakness, but more importantly, what had she meant by ‘our walk’? Just minutes before it was ‘a walk’ and now suddenly it was ‘our walk’, like this was something special. She was definitely a curious creature, and I must admit that she was attracting my attention more and more as I was in her company. I suddenly found myself actually wanting to be near her.
She pulled my hand out of my pocket and proceeded to lead me into the trees. ‘She was right after all,’ I thought. ‘I can barely see anything even without my glasses on, there was no way I could have gotten through with them.’
She seemed more than at home among the trees and brush. I admired her ability to walk without making a sound, while every step I took echoed with crushed leaves and twigs snapping. She could glide from tree to tree effortlessly in completely silence.
We had only walked for five or so minutes when she slipped behind a tree and out of my sight, not that it wouldn’t be easy to loose someone wearing nothing but black, in a forest, after dark.
“Anael? Where’d you go?”
No response. I walked a little further until I reached an area where the moonlight broke through a hole in the trees above me. I thought this would be a good a place as any to search; it was definitely the most well lit area around.
“Anael? Come on, this isn’t funny.”
I searched the area for her, but it would have been impossible for me to find her. Then I felt something hit my right side and drag me down hard. I found myself lying on my back with Anael on top of me pinning my arms to the ground.
“I have you now,” she said seductively.
After getting over the surprise, I suddenly knew her game and decided to play along for awhile; after all, I had to get my glasses back. “And what do you plan on doing now that you have me?” The words escaped my mouth before I knew what I was really saying.
She didn’t say anything; she just looked into my eyes and I looked back into hers. The moonlight outlining her hair and radiating from behind her head, it reminded me of a silver halo. She slowly brought her face down closer to mine, never taking her eyes off mine. She gently pressed her lips against mine. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Her warm supple lips were so inviting and soft. It wasn’t long before everything was spinning, as if the entire universe revolved solely around us. It seemed like this one moment in time was frozen and would last forever.
She unpinned my arms and I took one free arm and wrapped it around her back and took the other hand and held it to the side of her face. Her skin was soft and warm to the touch. I could feel her hair gently caressing my face as we kissed. The taste of her lips, the feel of her skin, the gentle breeze on her long hair, her breathing becoming deeper and quicker, it was all too much for me to handle. This was something that you read about in romance novels or saw on television soap operas, I never thought that something like this could ever really happen, especially to me. I decided to stop thinking about it and just live in the moment.
I’m not sure exactly how much time had passed or how long we were lying there on the grass and leaves. She broke the kiss and looked deeply into my eyes again, but something was different from before. Her eyes possessed a sad, almost frightened look. I put my arms around her to hold her tightly, but she pulled my arms away.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
I had no words to ease her. I just looked at her and managed to smile. “It’s alright,” I said and pulled her close to me once again, and this time she didn’t pull away. She rested her head on my chest as her breathing steadied.
The moon was in full view by now. I wasn’t sure what time it was and cursed myself for not wearing a watch. Anael became more beautiful every time I looked down at her. It wasn’t long before I realized that she had fallen asleep in my arms. Again, I wasn’t sure of what I should do. It’s not like I’ve ever been this close to anyone physically, or had someone fall asleep with me holding her. I realized that it was getting late, but I didn’t want to leave. I worried more for her, my father didn’t care if I didn’t come home at night, I’m not sure if it’s because he trusted me, or wanted to be rid of me, but either way I was safe, but I worried for Anael. I didn’t want to be a cause of suffering for her by getting her in trouble with her parents.
“Anael, you have to wake up.” I said softly as I stroked her hair.
All I heard from her were a few contented sighs as she shifted position and fell back asleep.
“Anael, wake up… It’s late.”
This time I managed to get her to open her eyes. She looked at me and just smiled. It was at that point that I realized I was feeling something that I had never experienced before in my life… love, for the very first time. My mind became filled with a flood of the memories of times to come. I pictured what my life might be like with Anael by me forever. I think she knew what I was thinking at that moment because she showed me her warm smile once again and a look of happiness on her face that was not there before. My sight was once again attracted to her eyes. She had the most beautiful, radiant eyes that I had ever seen, and with the light from the moon glistening off of them, she looked angelic. I pulled her close to me once more and we shared the most passionate, loving kiss I had ever experienced. That was the moment that I knew I had found someone to be with forever.
We both rose from the ground, reluctantly, and walked out of the trees hand in hand. Her hand held tightly onto mind, and it took only minutes before I realized that she was trembling in my grasp. I looked at her and her eyes showed fear once again.
“Anael, what’s wrong?”
I’m not sure what exactly happened then or what was running through her mind, but she wrapped her arms around me and started quietly sobbing into my chest.
I didn’t know what else to do, I embraced her and held her close to me hoping that it would make her feel safe and that she didn’t have anything to be afraid of. After what seemed like hours, her sobs became quieter and less forceful.
“There’s something I have to show you,” she looked at me with moist eyes. She removed my glasses from where she had stored them in her shirt earlier and handed them back to me. I just looked at her in slight confusion. She walked about ten feet in front of me. “Carl, I love you, and I always have since I saw your birth. I saw all of what was happening to you and I knew all your thoughts.”
I had absolutely no idea what she meant. She’s always loved me? I had just met her, how could she have always loved me. How could she have known all my thoughts?
“I know you won’t understand everything I tell you, so I have to show you.” She looked up toward the sky and suddenly a blinding light escaped from her body. I had to turn around and shield my eyes from the pain.
The light slowly faded and I turned to face her again, but she wasn’t the way she was before. There was a gentle gold light radiating from her. She looked at me and I saw a figure emerge from behind her. She had wings! No, she had one wing. Fear and confusion swept over me. She looked at me with her warm, loving eyes and then I understood.
“Carl, I was an angel. I defied the Lord by falling in love with a human being, you. I implored Him to let me come to earth and be with you, but He denied me. I disobeyed Him and came anyway. He found me and as a punishment, He took one of my wings and told me that I must return when I am finished.”
Her explanation eased my fears of her, but not my fear for her. This angel, this being had sinned and given up one of her wings all for me. There was nothing else I could do. I fell to my knees and started crying. Anael gave me an understanding glance and walked toward me. She took my hand and stood me up. It was her turn to comfort me. She wrapped her arms and her one wing around me. Calmness surrounded me and I felt safe in her protection. I never wanted this to end and I never wanted to feel anything else.
“Carl, I have to go now.”
“No! Is there any way that you can stay? I don’t want to lose you.”
“I will always be near you Carl. If you want it enough, you will still be able to see me in your dreams and memories. I have a gift for you. Angels are allowed to perform one miracle in their existence, and I have chosen to give mine to you.”
She let go of me and took a step back. She grasped my hand and looked deeply into my eyes. I felt her eyes searching my soul and her soft gaze comforting me at the same time. I felt a sharp pain, like a knife stabbing me, right above my left shoulder blade. I screamed and fell to my knees.
“I have given you something to remember me by, Carl,” she told me as she lifted me back to my feet.
I looked to my left side and what I saw astonished me. Anael had given me the wing that was taken from her! I quickly looked back at her and couldn’t help but crying again. Anael had done something for me that nobody else would. She gave me something that meant more to her than her own existence.
She started backing away from me and looked toward the sky again. Another blinding light surrounded us, but this time I didn’t have to shield my eyes from it. I could see in this bright light perfectly clear. I watched as Anael ascended into the night sky. “Remember Carl, I love you and I will always be near.”
In case your wondering, Anael is supposedly the name of the angel in charge of love, passion, and romance.
The original story was nearly 15 pages long and I went back and edited a lot of it out, mainly because it took away from the main story, that's why David and Jennifer are introduced in the first paragraph, but never talked about much in the story.
Anyway, any suggestions, comments, flames, or anything at all?
[EDIT]Forgot that tabs don't show on webpages, separated the paragraphs so it should be easier to read now. Sorry:o [/EDIT]