Something new for my poetry.

And something a little more serious I did in a colaboration with a new friend of mine, The Milkman. It's the first song under the music section.

[quote=Life Monologue]
We’re all afflicted. That’s the joy of freedom. Big Brother says “Freedom is Slavery.” I’m free to hate you – but what is hate, anyway? I mean, in the world of invisible boundaries set by the government, we allow people to “hate” as much as they want as long as they don’t infringe upon the “natural rights” of another citizen.

“Hate,” in that tense, boils down to the statement of hatred itself. Now I’ve never hated anyone, so it’s not like I can claim what hate is, but I do know what it isn’t. I can say I hate something until I turn blue, but I will receive no retribution, no sense of accomplishment from doing that. Simply stating my hatred for something does not give me any sense of satisfaction. People wouldn’t hate unless it made them happy, so I can deduce that hate is not the act of simply stating as much. No, hate requires retribution. In a world of democratic standards, hatred is un-allowed.

So what are natural rights? “Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” so says the American Constitution. (Let it be known here and now that any book burners should know this statement as true. You can burn as many pieces of literature about peace as you’d like, but the constitution has always read those words.)
Life. To have my life, I have to take yours.
[/quote]

Ehhh, interesting :p

1st one- I should prolly be ashamed to admit it, but I enjoyed that thoroughly. I almost spit the burger outta my mouth laughing when I read "...when I fell over foaming at the mouth, you kissed it."... and I'm musing over your choice of similes; "You sing like a tumor and drink like a bank account" Very entertaining.


2nd one- Stirred up the societal bitterness and hatred I haven't felt since I read Brave New World and 1984... Very well stated. I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear, but it would be a great monologue to a movie/novel of a similar plot. I think it's about time you put your skills to the test and wrote something of that magnitude.

"An excellent thread. JediKirby is one of the leading thread-posters in his field!" --Thrawn numbarz

Just kidding, it's good stuff. Now make your CD and tell me to make music for it, foobwad >.>

I'm putting that **** on the back of my CD. Right after:

"Bark Bark Bark Bark!" - BSG's Dog.

I just realized: You have to sign up to download his stuff. Here's a direct link to the second.

Noir!

You all HAVE to hear this. It really is creepy as ****.

[quote=Ode to a Red Contrast[/quote]
Ode to a Red Contrast

You woke up in your alley and you stared across towards the church from which the gunshot rang. Stumbling from the beer you had for breakfast, you use the vodka bottle in your hand as a crutch and clip clopped across the road and into the cathedral. Your head hurt as if full. You kept it straight up and down as not to drain the alcohol from your ears. Despite your efforts, a trickle of something red poured out onto the white tiled church floor. This wouldn’t do.

“Thank you Jesus! Amen! God is good.” the man wearing white robes like white tiles said in the front of the cathedral. Your empty hand was held out in front of you with something like a gun shining in the candle lights. Cries like babies that were hidden away in the cry room rang out like church bells as 2 bullets had escaped a gun. The priest was red splotches on white tiles as he fell over the collection plate, as if offering himself to the cause of God.

And in this, the cathedral was a mass of broken plaster lying next to open eye sleepers across the red-polka dotted tiles. And the sheep began to baa. 1 hundred voices muffled by gunshot wounds all softly baaing as the black sheep fed his brothers to the wolf.

You spoke for the first time to this red splotched flock and said that “God is only as good as the devil is bad. Without red, there is no contrast.” And red was the sun setting over your yesterday.
[/quote]

Was it your intent in this section for it to speed up and get kinda lyrical? The couplet rhyme scheme here kinda speeds it up and makes it a bit peppy despite the subject matter. If this was intentional, well done, if not, you might wanna modify it a tad if you think it detracts from the piece as a whole. I'm not sure.

somewhat intentional, yes. I wanted the poem overall to sound very... inapropriet for the subject matter.

'lo and behold! Kirby enters the realm of dadaism! Nice. =D

I don't know if dadaism is exactly right... I was just going for a SOMEWHAT dadaism theme of not sounding like what I mean.

I really love the first poem.

Why? That statement doesn't help me at all.

Good job blatantly ripping off a rhyme from Sage Francis. :\

Good poets borrow, the best poets steal. It's called "allusions."

Not really. But good try covering it up.

Respect--;

...

n. passing reference or indirect mention

...

In either case, I INTENTIONALLY used a line from his work. It's very common in the style poetry I do. That's WHY I used it, was to pay homage to Sage. It's not like I was stealing it with the intent to call it my own. That's where the phrase "Good poets borrow, great poets steal." - T.S. Eliot came from. We do it all the time. I'm not trying to "cover it up," and you're being rather annoying about it.

"We" don't do it, you do. Indirect, reference, both words which don't mean plajeurize and steal.

You're an idiot. WE, as in, you know, POETS, do that all the time. Stop acting like a showoff because you noticed a familiar line.

Try reading this.

1) I point you to dictionary.com, and you point me to an AOL members page. Huh?

2) The irony. I'm the idiot. You don't even know what an allusion is, and it's obvious. An allusion is a reference, not taking a line straight from the work you're "alluding" to. And you act as if you're some kind of poet that's above me in stature or something. And it's not just familiar, it's the first line I heard from Sage. Of course, you being the ungrateful ******* you are probably don't care.

You know what? Steal your lines and make your frankenstein poetry. See if I give a ****.

And hip hop artists sample other peoples music...
I dont see what the problem is?

He liked the line, let him use it.

You enjoy your arguments, eh?

Hip Hop Artists don't sample each others works unless they're making a rather hefty parody...or at least ones I know of don't. I like a lot of lines I hear--I use them as away messages. Not as parts of my poetry. I like actually being original.

Obie--plajuerizing is a pet peeve.

I said other music in general, not other hip hop artists :p

Originality isn't the concept. In writing, allusions can be to other works OR authors. The poem is in referene to another author, and alludes, specifically, to annoyance with the united states' current leadership. I know exactly what an allusion is. I'm using sage's line to allude to HIM and to imply the concept of anti-bushism. Stop trying to find something to ***** about, as always.

Put it this way: If I put a line from old Willy in a poem, you'd understand that I'm, you know, ALLUDING TO SOMEONE.

And I'm a Frankensteinbeck, to be exact.

Hey Yoshi, shut up because noone cares.

[QUOTE=Dj Yoshi]Hip Hop Artists don't sample each others works unless they're making a rather hefty parody...or at least ones I know of don't. I like a lot of lines I hear--I use them as away messages. Not as parts of my poetry. I like actually being original.

Obie--plajuerizing is a pet peeve.[/QUOTE]

Um, Jurassic 5 and other dudes use other people's lines all the time. :p

Here here.