I'm everyones best friend
And I never miss a show
But when it comes to the end
I'll be glad to see me go

With all your love upon me
There is nothing that I need
Except for you to love me
I assure you it's not greed

Assume I'm not important
Just the way I've always been
I'll stand here with contentment
As you use me once again

I'm everyones best friend
A real spectacle to see
But when it comes to the end
I hope there's love left for me

:emo:

I think it's meaningful; however, I think you should reconsider "important"/"contentment". "Contentment" seems to break things up.

"Everyones" should be "everyone's."

Blech, this is pretty generic. Why don't you try being a little more specific and a little less vague? Vague isn't cool, it's just uninspiring.

change it to i'm somebody's friend because she won't let me nail her but i wish i could but it'll never happen because i'm not her type even though i think that i am and she obviously doesn't realize it yet.

Or to:
"Can I nail you?"
"No."

I don't think you could be any further from the truth. That was an awful attempt at putting me down because the poem has nothing to do with trying to nail anyone. It has to do with being betrayed. It doesn't have to do with girlfriends / not girlfriends. Thanks for the failed insult though.

I made lines 1 and 13 contain 6 syllables each, the other lines all contain 7 syllables. It flows when read it just looks weird when typed.

A bit conceited, and fairly emo, but still better than...well than anything I've seen from you so far honestly. I'm fairly surprised.

Here's a hint: if you post your poem, expect criticism, and if you throw the criticism back in people's face, expect insults. Honestly, half the time when people just criticize your stuff you get all defensive and go "None of you like me that's why you're saying this about my poem!" While that may be true for one or two people, most of the time people are just trying to help, and if you don't like that help, don't post your ****.

Oh, see Yoshi, SAJN's got this new thing where if anyone says anything negative about him or anything he likes/does, he simply says "oh that was such a lame attempt at putting me down" instead of taking it to heart.

Honestly, that wasn't criticism. That WAS an insult. I agree with the comment that it's too generic. Using yours as a base, here's how I would write it:

I'm everyones best friend
I never miss a show
But when the end arrives at last
I'll be glad to see me go

With all your love upon me
There is nothing else I need
Except for you to love me
Or allow me to be free.

Assume I'm not important
Just the way I've always been
I'll stand here, still content
To watch you use me once again

I'm everyone's best friend
A real spectacle to see
But when at last the end arrives
I hope there's love enough for me

I broke up the rhyme scheme a bit, but as far as I'm concerned, if a poet feels they need to rhyme their poetry they aren't being creative enough.

The only thing wrong I see with the fixes you made is the poem no longer flows. The lines go from 6 - 8 syllables per line instead of just 7 each line (and 6 on the repeating line)

Also there isn't a NEED to rhyme, but I think that a poem always feels more complete when it keeps the same amount of syllables per line, rhymes, and still gets the message you want across...If that's the kind of poetry being written.

While rhythm is good, poetry isn't about the flow when you read it alone. Depending on delivery when spoken, you can make 9/2/7 rhyme if you wanted to. That's just my take.

Rhyming is extremely important to me, but I still enjoy poetry that doesn't rhyme if it's got good rhythm, flow, and meaning (see: T.S. Eliot)

I think rhythm and flow are certainly more important than rhyme in spoken word. However, I think one of the best reasons for a poem to rhyme is the fact that different people will read the same poem VERY differently, even reading around punctuation in different fashions. Rhyme gives an element of cohesion, so that everybody who reads it is getting the same thing. I think poetry is as much about combining sounds, making internal rhymes, plays on words, cool combinations of odd syllables, mish mashing and creating new words as it is anything else.

For example, my favorite poem is John Masefield's "Sea Fever"

I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must go down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must go down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.

I encountered a nice Irish girl in my travels who also held this as her favorite. But we both read it with different rhythms, stresses, and pronunciation. But, the rhymes at the end of the lines (hey, that was almost a rhyme, bit of a stretch, but still! :D) held it together, even if we pronounced flying and crying different, because it served as marking posts to work things around.

So in short I agree, rhyme is not important, I seem to recall some introduction to Paradise Lost consisting of John Milton stating that "poetry has no true need of rhyme nor meter". Thought I think it takes a serious talent to write a pleasing poem that does not have a consistent rhyme or meter structor of some sort. But STRUCTURE, is the key, of some sort. Look at Chiasmus and other ancient poetry forms.

This was a largely uneccsary post. This poem was better in structure but I think I wrote like the same thing in high school.

Rhythm and flow ARE more important in spoken word--however, if you're good, you can shorten or lengthen syllables as necessary.