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☖ Forums → Showcase → Poem
Poem
2007-08-04, 4:03 PM #1
The sun bestows a smile upon me
the grass grows before my eyes
I just saw a bumblebee dance
beneath the vividly pulsating sky

people talk without their voices
dogs meow and cats bark
roads all lead to where they start
I do believe I'm high.


(I'm sorry it defies both the notion of being a good poem and probably all the rules of poetry.)
Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.
2007-08-04, 6:15 PM #2
Whaaaat. Kroko writes happy poetry?
Ban Jin!
Nobody really needs work when you have awesome. - xhuxus
2007-08-04, 6:41 PM #3
better than the sajn poems. much better.
Current Maps | Newest Map
2007-08-04, 9:46 PM #4
Originally posted by Blood Asp:
bias.


.
Think while it's still legal.
2007-08-04, 10:41 PM #5
Originally posted by SAJN:
bitter

.
Epstein didn't kill himself.
2007-08-04, 10:42 PM #6
Originally posted by Blood Asp:
better than the sajn poems. much better.


Truth. It's decent. :p
2007-08-06, 11:32 AM #7
Damn, not bad.
D E A T H
2007-08-06, 11:50 AM #8
i was gonna comment on the fact your poem was pretty entertaining, but then SAJN posted and damn, he just totally derailed the thread with meta-whining.

good job krok.

excellent job sajn.
2007-08-06, 12:14 PM #9
Haha, that's a fantastic poem, Kroko.
omnia mea mecum porto
2007-08-06, 12:36 PM #10
:o

Nicesome!
Star Wars: TODOA | DXN - Deus Ex: Nihilum
2007-08-06, 2:07 PM #11
Your kind words have inspired me to write another one:

I was the sky
your eyes were the stars
I was the battery
your voice was the voltage
I was the paper
your mind was the pen
my greatest dream
was to get in your pants
Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.
2007-08-06, 3:09 PM #12
Dude.

Very well done.

You see, your goal with the poem is really simple... to have that course-change at the end to this base stuff that's funny because it's unexpected, and well, just kinda funny, but not only do you not overdo it and make us cringe with the pain of an overwrought joke, but you also put some simple, enjoyable aspects into the 'serious' part leading up to it.

They're so simple and fun.
Well done.

(that was my response poem)
2007-08-06, 7:11 PM #13
I like them a lot. You should write a book.
TAKES HINTS JUST FINE, STILL DOESN'T CARE
2007-08-06, 7:37 PM #14
i like the simple approach. no holds barred, but a cool "i don't care what you'll think" vibe, in a very pure sense. yeah. cool.
"NAILFACE" - spe
2007-08-07, 12:56 AM #15
Would you come to my place
I know what to serve
my sense of humor
won't leave you cold
we'll watch some TV
with your head against mine
all I want
is to let you inside
by the way
I am a cannibal
Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.
2007-08-07, 8:23 AM #16
His path is empty
it is trod no more
his story lacks an author
he was written off the show
his past was replaced
by another man's thoughts
his soul was beheaded
at the altar of justice
his slavery, eternal
will serve those in need
such is the life
of a cyborg cop
Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.
2007-08-07, 10:40 AM #17
Excelletante.
D E A T H
2007-08-07, 2:17 PM #18
haha very nice. But I don't want to shower too much praise on you, lest you get full of yourself. :D
Cordially,
Lord Tiberius Grismath
1473 for '1337' posts.
2007-08-08, 7:50 AM #19
I am outnumbered
but I will fight
my senses awaken
danger awaits
I grip my weapon
I call for my god
my wrath shall stem
from past enemies' blood
I'll be at peace
as they lie on the ground
I am a guard
at the grocery store
Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.
2007-08-08, 8:41 AM #20
Okay, I'd like an admin close/delete this thread please. I got some harsh critique at another forum and they're right, so now I'm back to hating myself.

Edit: except that MB just restored my will to live!
Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.
2007-08-09, 8:10 AM #21
Don't you dare delete this!!!
You can't judge a book by it's file size
2007-08-09, 10:46 AM #22
Very good and creative.

:eng101:
2007-08-09, 1:31 PM #23
We lie in bed
you turn me on
I am so warm
pressed against you
I start making sounds
your mom is downstairs
you abruptly exclaim:
"I love you my dear"
you touch me down there
I can't feel a thing
you satisfy me
by defragging drive C
Looks like we're not going down after all, so nevermind.

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