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ForumsShowcase → See Dee
See Dee
2008-03-30, 2:23 PM #1
See Dee skipping across the mulch
Her velcro shoes kicking up the dirt
Marching with the grace of a tank
She trips

See Dee tripping across the mulch
Her velcro shoes kicking in the air
Falling with the grace of a swan
She cries

See Dee crying across the mulch
Her velcro shoes kicking in shame
Weeping with the grace of a child
She dies

See Dee dying across the mulch
Her velcro shoes silent in the blood
Traveling with the grace of a god
She was
Think while it's still legal.
2008-03-30, 3:19 PM #2
Hahaha I like this :)
2008-03-30, 6:05 PM #3
Originally posted by SAJN:
Her velcro shoes silent in the blood


This part seems like it doesn't quite fit... maybe it's the fact that you said 'the blood' and not 'her blood'?
2008-03-30, 10:25 PM #4
There are two reasons for that. The first was because it fit the repetition a bit more "the dirt" "the air" "the blood", and the other part was I liked the idea of it perhaps not being her blood. The poem was originally going to be about my love of playing piano, and it turned into a song about a girl getting killed, possibly by a bomb or something. I had a vision half way through this poem about a girl playing in a playground in Iraq and getting bombed. It was a powerful image to me so I went with it.
Think while it's still legal.

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