[CENTER]Reflections lincoln to a prosthetic powdered mannequin,
Eager for a night on the town.
A living, breathing advertisement; adorning adversity.
In the face of the mass markets,
Split sides smile at the genuine and pale.
Showing at the masquerade, dawning an honest wage.
Never enough to cyborg a citizen.
Never enough to mannequin these men.[/CENTER]

?

is this some sort of amazing screw on head bull**** wtfsk

Thrawn can you make me a Kevin Costner skin for my Thirteen Days TC?

I think if you spent the extra 30 seconds to either read the poem over or think about it, you'd get the gist of it. It really isn't a head screw hidden meaning type of poem. Or you could just all thread-crap, that's cool too.

i wuddn't thread-crapping it sounds like screw-on head

I spent more than 30 seconds thinking about your poem and I cannot say that I like it at all. I know you like to write awkward poems as some sort of artistic statement, but I do not think it works here. It is difficult to read and muddles the intended message. Furthermore, I am not exactly sure what you are trying to convey here. If your readers have to to think too hard in order to decipher it, you are probably doing it wrong.

What is with all the misused words? Are those typos or are you deliberately doing it? Just because you are doing something unusual with the words does not necessarily make it interesting or artistic. In addition, some of the word choices are poor, notably "cyborg," which does not seem to fit in with the allusion to mannequins in a shop window (not to mention that it is not even a verb).

I am also pretty certain that your use of the semi-colon is flawed at best. The two statements seem a little too disjoint for the semi-colon to be appropriate. Perhaps a period or a paragraph break would work better.

You know, would it kill you to be a little more humble instead of insulting people and assuming that they are too stupid or mean to understand your work? Showing a little humility would make others more likely to give you some constructive criticism.

i actually think your poetry is improving.

It's supposed to be about how our monuments are commercial enterprises, right?

"?"

"is this some sort of amazing screw on head bull**** wtfsk"

"Thrawn can you make me a Kevin Costner skin for my Thirteen Days TC?"

You're right Malus, I should take those statements into consideration! They may improve my writing. I especially like the point that Tracer made about Kevin Costner. That should improve my poetry a lot.

Also, since when did thinking become a bad thing? Do you want all your poems handed to you with instructions and step by step breakdown of what they mean? There is no 'artistic statement' involved, it's a simple message placed into a poetic form.

If you hate poems that make you think I suggest you avoid William Carlos Williams and e.e. cummings. Or even Robert Frost for that matter. They might be too layered for you're taste.

Okay I'm going to be completely honest about what I think, I hope you can take some of it into consideration.

Now I've read a lotttt of stuff. Everything from plays from the 1800s, up to plays written in the past few years. The language varied from old english, modern english, and text depicting schizophrenia. After 2 years of these classes, and now a minor in theatre, I like to think I can take a text and be able to decipher it at some level.

So anyway... I've read it a few times and I still don't get it. I mean I kind of get it but some of your wording doesn't make sense to me.

"Reflections lincoln to a prosthetic powdered mannequin," really just seems like words. What I mean is, what is it to "lincoln" to something?

Anyway, Theres a prosthetic Powdered mannequin, which I assume is something like a 'product of modern society'

This is where I kind of get lost. Split sides? Is this section about the 'not genuine' people (or maybe the mannequin) seeing / respecting the peopl ethat havent given in to being molded by advertising?

As for the end... whats not enough? The mannequins cant be satisfied because they're fake? I'm not sure :/

Now don't get me wrong, I don't hate it. I just am trying to understand it.

You've pretty much got it.

Split sides is just a reference to laughing. (ex. A real side-splitter)

The 'genuine and pale' are the people not coaxed into the glitzy make-up plastic society. And them showing up to the party dawning an honest wage is pretty much saying, and here they are living life without gucci and A&E and Old Navy bullcrap.

The 'Never enough' lines is a reference to the honest wage. Not succumbing to the trend-setting. 'cyborging' a citizen is more of a reference to technology taking over the person. Buying the newest phone/ipod/tv etc. and 'mannequining' is general fashion.

As for the lincoln, that's more for me personally, that might be the only thing I didn't expect people to understand. It came from an inside joke ages ago, when friends used to say 'Come on, give it to me lincoln' or esentially 'Be honest'. I've been considering changing it to be more accessible to people, but at the same time, I'm kind of enjoying the 'WTFLINCOLN?''s that I get when I read it to people (that don't already get that inside scoop)

It's noting really mind blowing like I said before. It's a simple poem, I just wanted to put a twist on a trite topic.

Yeah

Way to miss the point, as usual. Any time someone actually gives constructive criticism, you shrug it off and say that they just do not understand. You may be right in saying that they do not understand, but it is not for the reason you hope for.


I think for a living; I am currently developing complex simulations for satellite systems. I am expected to come up with novel ways for solving difficult problems. However, I do not write nonsensical garbage and then complain about everyone else when they cannot understand it. It is one thing to be clever and esoteric, but I think your work is just weird and confusing. Considering that more than one person has asked you about the meaning of your poem, I would venture to guess that it is not that obvious.


The 'artistic statement' is the poor way in which you expressed the message. Misusing words might be cute when you are five years old, but it is not so humorous or clever when you want people to take your work seriously.


Considering I have read and enjoyed poems by William Carlos Williams (nobody describes a red wheelbarrow better than him), I would say that you are sadly mistaken. Comparing yourself to them is an insult to their work.

Please, get over yourself.

:saddowns:

Am I the ONLY one who managed to understand it the first time through?

Maybe because it reflects my own opinions, but either way, I like it

I really like the way you used the words, my only gripe is the use of the word "Cyborg". Doesn't seem to sit right. At least it didn't at first, and the word lincoln was a bit of a confusion but I got the message. After reading your information it cleared up the few things that I couldn't catch (mainly vocabulary), but the general message was definitely there.

Koodos.

Kudos.

learn your joy of vocab.

I didn't get this poem and I like real poets...

I'm actually a huge fan of esoteric / "clever" / "precious" writing, although more in prose (See: F. Scott Fitzgerald, especially in The Offshore Pirate, The Diamond as Big as the Ritz, and the great moments in Gatsby), so when I read it through the first time and got a vague sense of its meaning but didn't completely understand, my reaction was "Yes! More stuff for me to go through and unpack" ... it felt like it had a "replay value" of sorts.

But then I read it a bunch more times, scrutinized the diction and possible reasons behind it, tried to figure out if the formatting or rhythm had anything to do with it, and didn't really get that "Ahhhh so THAT's it" satisfaction from it. After reading other peoples' interpretatiosn of it on this thread, I didn't really get anything more either. I read it again and now I "get" it, but it isn't as deep-feeling as I thought it would be so I felt sorta left wanting more

I do think it's a big improvement from your previous stuff though (mainly just because, like I said, I like this "style" of writing)

It could be a Melvins song.

And as for lincoln, if you're trying to be a serious poet, don't include things that people have no chance of understanding no matter how hard they try to understand your work.

I think you're just the only person that bothered to read it

After like 9000 poems and not listening to the good crits other people give he still isn't listening.

You really can't teach an *** to poop beautiful flowers.