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ForumsShowcase → The Dragon and the Witch (poem omfg)
The Dragon and the Witch (poem omfg)
2011-04-08, 9:36 AM #1
The Dragon and the Witch

a There lived a witch on grassy plains
b Between the villages and towns
a She had white skin and delicate veins
b And a revolver with six rounds

a This steampunk world was much like ours
b Its people lost and never found
a Between technology, magic, and long hours
b Life there went on, round after round

a Four revolutions of the sun
b After the witch moved to her house
a There came a knock, she grabbed her gun
b And tucked it in her blouse

a Behind the door stood a young man
b A graduate of School of Magic
a The witch had took one second's span
b The promise of adventure waking feelings most nostalgic

a "Hello there, witch" said the mutt with a brief bow
b "I heard there lives a dragon here"
a "That may be so," the witch told him, "It matters how?"
b "I'm on a quest to slay the beast and win the heart of my heart's dear."

a The witch agreed to aid the whelp
b It was decided, they journeyed south
a With magic, witchery, and luck's help
b They made it to the mountain's mouth

a Through dark corridors they showed no sadness
b Nor fear nor hesitation -- they both walked on
a Until the top, where light cured darkness
b Until the lad's shout, "demon's spawn!"

a The dragon was a thing of beauty
b All scales and talons and clever eyes
a The young magician prepared his wand for duty
b Then learnt that witches can tell lies

a There lived a witch on grassy plains
b Between the villages and towns
a She had white skin and delicate veins
b And a revolver with five rounds
幻術
2011-04-08, 11:52 AM #2
Your concepts of rhyme scheme and abab labelling are amusing, and if you're trying for consistent iambic pentameter, you're not pulling it off... but this is a really fun read, and if formatting isn't that important to you, then there really isn't anything here that needs snarking or nit-picking.

Nicely done. :] I like it.

I think you'd really like a terza rima sonnet or a villanelle, if you gave it a try.
2011-04-08, 11:56 AM #3
The rhythm does seem off, and the narrative is a little hard to follow, but as Estelore said, it's definitely got a fun side to it, which is cool.
The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
http://forums.theplothole.net
2011-04-11, 4:09 PM #4
Thanks for reading, cool. :)

I better get back to writing prose, though...
幻術

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