Let me know what you think! Due to the nature of the thing, I can only link you to the file on Google Docs. It's an MS Word document, so if you'd download it and have a look, I'd love to know what you think.

https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B-dxdHpBsyG8bWF3bTU0ZWwxSTg/edit?usp=sharing

Am bloody happy I finished this thing tbh, finally can move on to doing / writing something else... After opening the file locally, hold CTRL button when clicking the links in MS Word.

Have you heard of Twine? It does hypertext stories in a way that's a little more user-friendly, and generates HTML pages you can just throw it up on the internet somewhere.

Nope, never heard of it. Looks not bad. Did hear of Choice of Games, though. Anyway, I think I'll try to sell this one, and if that doesn't work, don't think I'll spend time adapting it to a different format. Did you have a chance to read through the story?

109 views, 1 comment? You don't feel it's worth your time? Do you feel that before or after you open the file? If before, there isn't much I can do I guess, but if after, let me know why -- I don't think I've much of a chance of selling this, but any feedback on which I can build on will be of help. I'll take it off by Monday COB and send a query on Tuesday, so, yeah. Don't leave me hanging. Heh.

I don't read people's writing they post on the internet anymore because it's a big time investment and they're almost never good enough for it to be worth it. Also the download-this-word-doc presentation is offputting--I don't have Word or OpenOffice installed, and if you don't want to put your hypertext story into a more usable format for hypertext (like, you know, HTML), it makes me wonder why I should have to do extra work to read it.

That probably sounds mean-spirited, but it's not meant that way. It is coming from a place of general apathy, I'll admit, but I did read the first couple paragraphs and they didn't draw me in, so I didn't want to spend the time trying to make the thing work. :\

Edit: also in the second paragraph you have "complimented" where it should be "complemented."

This is exactly the feedback that I'm looking for! I don't expect people to force themselves to read some random **** I wrote, rather, open up, and if they didn't like it, to let me know why. That's the kind of feedback that helps the most.

Good catch about complemented, every little bit helps.

>> I don't read people's writing they post on the internet anymore because it's a big time investment and they're almost never good enough for it to be worth it.

That's mostly true. I've only sold 1 story so far and decided to query pro-paying markets only since then, so haven't sold anything in 4 years pretty much, but I like to think that I got at least a little bit better during that time, albeit I'm still obviously a complete amateur.

>> Also the download-this-word-doc presentation is offputting--I don't have Word or OpenOffice installed, and if you don't want to put your hypertext story into a more usable format for hypertext (like, you know, HTML), it makes me wonder why I should have to do extra work to read it.

A valid argument, but as it's a WIP I kept it in the format I wrote it in as there's some editing to do. But it may be worth taking the time to convert it using that Twine proggie you've mentioned prior to submitting, might save the editors some frustrations.

>> That probably sounds mean-spirited, but it's not meant that way.

I've been doing this long enough to be able to handle criticism. Hell, that's the reason I always ask for it -- to see what can be improved!

>> I did read the first couple paragraphs and they didn't draw me in, so I didn't want to spend the time trying to make the thing work. :\

Again, this helps. If the first paragraph, hell, the first line doesn't make you interested in the story, then something's definitely wrong.

Thanks a lot for making the effort, much appreciated.

For sure dude. I would have gone more in depth but I'm at work right now and I would feel guilty :V

BUT Something Awful's Creative section of their forum has a great writers' community that would probably give you way more and better criticism than you can get on a small site like this. They've got a ton of writing exercises and a dedicated discussion thread, too. It's $10 for an account, but having had one for a few years I would say it's absolutely worth it.