Are you posting this here because you'd like honest feedback?
I've read the first paragraph; I'd started skimming after the second sentence, though, because there was no conflict. It appears to be just a story about some schoolboy who is late for class, gets a paper, sits down and is looking outside through the window and thinking about his brother, who is eating lunch with his friends ... and when I say "thinking" he isn't even really thinking about him, just staring out the window. It's boring.
How does Dmitry feel? What are his hopes? What change is he going through? Don't just tell us the events (he went to class, he was late, the math teacher isn't attractive [is her appearance important to the story?], his brother is eating lunch outside and he can see him through the window, etc., who the **** cares?), show us why we should care.
>>
It had read "Preparatory Exam" across the top; but, a fat red "D" covered the words so nothing else could be read.
It read, not it had read; also, reverse the sentence order. Always put the most important thing(s) first. Ie.,
A fat red "D" was drawn with a hurried hand on the top margin of Dmitry's preparatory exam. He considered spending the hour thinking of an excuse to tell to his parents, but decided to continue staring out of the classroom window instead; there was no need to getting so stressed out about it — after all, it wasn't his first "D," and it wouldn't be his last.
* * * * *
NOTE FOR MORONS
* * * * *
I do not have a degree in English Language & Literature. I am not Jon'C. I know nothing. Jon'C is God. Do not crit my crit. Leave me the **** alone. If it doesn't help, ignore it. If you want my advice in the future, ask me (and say pretty please, with a cherry on top). Goodbye.
幻術
