View Full Version : I'm trying

12-11-2003, 06:02 PM
well, at school, we're "learning" how to right "interesting" paragraphs. and i've prepared this paragraph, and plan on giving it to my teach tommorrow...would any of you like to read through it?

my three points i plan on covering
1. hand-eye coordination 2. fast thinking
3. the ability to stay calm whwen the battle rages

Title: Extreme Video Gamers

An extremem video gamer is someone who does a lot of video-gaming, and has pretty much "dedicated" their life to video games. One of the qualities of an extreme vidoe gamer is hand-eye coordination. Hand-eye coordination is important to a vidao-gamer because it is the reaction of the gamer seeing something and doing it, so the faster your h-e coordination, the faster you are in the game. An extremem video gamer always has to think fast. An example is if you're cornered in a game, with enemies closing in, you have to think of a way out, and FAST! And finally, an extreme video gamer has to be able to keep cool in a battle. If a gamer get's nervous in a battle, he can't think right, and is just a moving target. So you see an EXTREME video gamer needs many things to succeed.

(btw: i'm not really turning this into her tommorrow...but it just shows that if i find a topic i wanna write about, i can do it very well.)

go find a monkey and just laugh at him if you want to date me

12-11-2003, 06:07 PM
Also: Tell her about 'popping' the baddies with your AK. Lol. J/k nice paragraph

Member of the Minneassian Council

12-11-2003, 06:08 PM
that's in the second version mono :P

go find a monkey and just laugh at him if you want to date me

12-11-2003, 06:11 PM
Sounds like a bullseye target for people who think gamers turn into killers. http://forums.massassi.net/html/tongue.gif

I think it's good. Run it through a spell-check, though, you put "extremem", and "vidoe". http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

*Mega does editing, free of charge http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif*

You start a sentance with "and", a no-no...

Why is dedicated in quotes?

I think instead of saying "One of the qualities of an extreme vidoe gamer is hand-eye coordination" you could say "One of the qualities of an extreme vidoe gamer is good hand-eye coordination" (without the bold).

Also, you repeat alot of words in there... it takes up more room, but your teacher won't be impressed. .'/ You use extreme and fast too often... try some synonyms: http://thesaurus.reference.com/

You can use "game player", instead of "gamer" in some places, for example. Or say "computer gamer", or whatnot. Variety in words will make it sound better methinks.

I hope this helps! http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif Please note these are just suggestions, and I'm just trying to help. http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif

The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! (http://mzzt.atronox.com/)

Rest in peace, MaDaVentor. We all will miss you.

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 28, 2003).]

12-11-2003, 06:14 PM
Ahem. He put AN at the begging of the sentence, not AND.

Member of the Minneassian Council

12-11-2003, 06:23 PM
None of you can spell.

<kyle90> i got my SAT scores back
<kyle90> according to the sheet i got sent in the mail, I did "better than 99% of all college-bound seniors"
<kyle90> of course, thats comparing me to americans
<kyle90> so its not really a fair assessment

12-11-2003, 06:25 PM
You do realize, that by presenting the above to your class, you will be forever marked "NERD" (or "GEEK" or whatever is popular where you go to school) to your peers.

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"With Great power comes great Responibility. Seems like the converse should be true as well. Now where the heck is my great Power?"

12-12-2003, 05:08 AM
ROFL! Don't do it you have so much to live for... LEAVE THIS PLACE BEFORE YOU BECOME LIKE US! RUN! RUN! RUN!... no its got me!

*Giant Tenticle grabs Zitz and pulls him back into the dark pit*

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...o...o...o. ..o...o... *voice fades into blackness*

12-12-2003, 07:51 AM
Yikes, there's many people in my college lit class that wrote on the same subject. Seriously, there are things that are more interesting and make for better papers than video games. I chose the topic of gender stereotypes associated with clothing for my final research paper and my teacher during my presentation was actually excited that I wasnt writing about video games or food.

Not to say that you couldn't pull it off, but you'll need to develop it more and make it more interesting to read.

~amor sui~ (http://www.schminglife.org)
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