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Thread: The Never-ending Story Thread

  1. #1881
    Not Suitable for Motor Vehicles
    meanwhile, in a tower somewhere in New York City...

    TLTTVE: ...No, no, no! Thats FIVE mallomars dancing on top of 27 crushed passionfruit! and make sure J-lo is wearing her Reynalds Tinfoil bathing cap. We dont want ubercorp conglomco INC getting their grubby hands on our ideas again. i swear one more


    TLTTVE: Hang on a sec would you? *Click* what is it Ms Suvari?

    Secretary: *through intercom* Mr. Phil is here for you. And please, call me Mena.

    TLTTVE: Shut up. i dont need any mouth from a washed up one-hit-movie wonder. send him in. *click* I have to call you dont care...she'll wear it or we're cutting her clothing fund. goodbye.

    the door opens

    TLTTVE: ahh, Phil, good to see you again. i assume you have the footage?

    Phil the Ugo Driver: uh...about that...

    In Jim7's lair...

    Jim: Tony!

    Tony comes rushing thorugh the door

    Tony: Sir?

    Jim: I need you to get someone for me. He could be valuable, so dont rough him up too much.

    Tony: Yes, sir. May i..*urk*

    Jim: Urk?

    In HoH...

    Ford: You know...i always wanted to do this..but i never had the courage...but now...i feel so powerful..



    In the writers realm...

    Tony: ...*urk*!

    Oh dear! what could this mean for Tony? What will TLTTVE do to phil? what would you do for a klondike bar? how many licks does it take to get to the centre of a tootsie roll center of a tootsie-pop? wheres the beef? tiny little tea-leaves, tetly tea...

    blujay: If only these companies had PAID us...

    <Dormouse> there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

    We are only human, perfect in our imperfections. - Erin amie du Dor

    <Dormouse> it's really cute in the way that a sherman tank with a fuzzy steering wheel is cute

    [This message has been edited by Ford (edited August 24, 2003).]
    My girlfriend paid a lot of money for that tv; I want to watch ALL OF IT. - JM

  2. #1882
    Some where secret.

    Dj: *Thinks to self* Concetrate... Think Deep. Use chi.


    Dj's eyes open. He stares down at his fingure and notices a stream a smoke trails off of them

    Dj: *thinks to self* Not good enough.

    Dj glances over at the wall, wich has a charred black indent on the wall.

    Dj: WHY CAN'T I FOCUS!!!

    Dj runs to the window and leaps out in a swan dive position

    Whips out his hookshot and fires it to the side of building and silently slips down his rope and takes out a piece of paper that reads:

    Please take care of this Jim7 charector, he has gone far enough. Last night he had one of his goons, "Tony" beat one of our fellow Yakuza members, and you know how I feel about italians and our group.
    Domo origato,
    Mr. Roboto.

    Dj: Stupid mobsters, always messing with the wrong people. This is the last time they messed with my people.

    To be continued...

    Ever tried to catch your elbow?
    What would DJ do?

  3. #1883
    *at the secret base of Jim7 we see Dj making his way into the office of Jim7*

    Dj: this place seems empty...

    voice from the heating/air vent: is it safe?

    Dj: what the?

    voice: is it safe?

    Dj: is what safe?

    voice: is it safe?

    Dj: i just came in here to kill someone

    voice: is it safe?

    Dj: who are you?

    voice: is it safe?

    dj: you're seriously freakin me out

    voice: is it safe?

    Dj: AAAAHHHHH!!!!

    Dj runs off screaming and is hit by the fast moving car that belongs to none other than Ares.


    Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

    [This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited August 25, 2003).]
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  4. #1884
    <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Gebohq:
    (I copied the story over here so anyone could continue it. I would, but I have a major writer's block right now. Maybe this story just wasn't meant to live...)</font>

    so fun to look at page one

    Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  5. #1885

    In the depths of MZZT's Laboratory, MZZT the Hero is staring into his micfroscope at a piece of blueberry and pie crumb, desperately trying to find an antidote to the villian's evil pie...

    MZZT: Hmm... interesting... Aha! I've got it!

    What MZZT has discovered is so extrodinary, so amazing...

    MZZT: Shut up so I can announce it then!


    MZZT: There is no poison in this pie!

    Audience: *Gasp*

    MZZT: Furthermore, this is the highest quality pie I have ever seen. In light of this, I believe I know how to cure the heroes!

    Dramatic pause...

    MZZT: Oh, go away you...


    MZZT: This pie is so high-quality, there's just nothing like it... (except maybe the stuff from that bakery near the HoH, good stuff there...) and when the heroes must have eaten this pie, they had a sensation of rapture... as if everything was good, nothing evil... and so they were suspect to the corrupt hand of the villains. This also means the effect must be temporary! If I can get to one hero, and restrain him/her from pie long enough, the effect should wear off!

    MZZT quickly rises from his chair so fast he trips and knocks his head on the floor, giving him a bad headache!

    MZZT: GAH! I thought I told you to LEAVE!

    Sorry, but I do have a contract to fulfill.

    MZZT: Fine... but don't do that again!

    MZZT walks out the door, bashing his head on the doorframe as he exits.

    MZZT: OW! Stoppit! You know I'm not that tall!

    Alright, I'm done, promise.

    MZZT: Good.

    MZZT quickly jumps into action. Changing into his Jedi gear and grabbing his high-tech weaponry and equipment, he makes his way to the hanger bay, boards his trusty Missile Boat fighter, and quickly flies off to the north, toward the HoH, hoping to find Geb.

    Three minutes after MZZT leaves...

    A loud rumble builds in MZZT's Lab. It finally culminates in an ear-splitting CRASH as a large drilling machine burrows through the wall, breaking thousands of dollars in tables and lab equipment, finally stopping in the middle of the lab. It falls silent, and a figure opens the top hatch and steps out...

    Darkside: Now I've got you! You can't esca... DRAT! He escaped. I KNEW I shouldn't have went for the flashy entrance...

    The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction
    NEW! PHP implementation underway!

    [This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited August 26, 2003).]

  6. #1886
    On the streets of NES

    Dj: ah... owch...

    Dj crawls on all fours into an ally to mend his wounds and sees Ares driving away


    Dj claps his hands together and begins rubbing them.

    He hovers his hands just above his wonds and lets out his healing chi.

    Dj: Ahh much better.

    He hears the voice again

    voice: is it safe?

    Looks in the direction of the voice and observes a loud speaker that is looping the same sound in a sequencial pattern

    Dj: one, two...

    voice: is it safe?

    Dj: one...

    voice: is it safe?

    Dj: one, two, three...

    voice: is it safe?


    Dj lies down fast and throws his hands up and swiftly lands on his feet and silently hops from the ally on the roof top of Jim7's secret layer and throws the note on the street.

    He pulls up his mouthe piece and runs across the roof top and hops rooves, seeming he knows where hes going.

    Where is he going... What is it he knows... Why did he throw the note away... Who set up the "voice"...

    To be continued...

    Ever tried to catch your elbow?
    What would DJ do?

  7. #1887
    NSP: Dj... i have no secret layer or secret lair i have "the secret base of Jim7" get it right or tony will break your legs

    Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  8. #1888
    Not Suitable for Motor Vehicles
    Meanwhile in the doughnut shop...

    Geb: Hmm...decisions, decisions....

    As Geb stands there, oblivious to the world, pondering the advantages of Bavarian Cream over Chocolate Glazed, a hooded figure approaches from behind.

    HF: *whistfully* Geb...

    Geb, oblivious as ever, contiues thinking.

    Geb: The chocolate frosting with sprinkles gives me gas...but the vanilla eclaire goes straight to my hips...

    HF: *slightly louder* Geb.

    Geb: Now heres something, a cranberry doughnut frosted with strawberry sour...

    HF: *Getting peturbed* Geb!

    Geb: Then there's the classic cake doughnut, which while comforting, sits heavily in the stomach.

    HF: *Annoyed* Geb!

    Geb: Ah to hell with it, i'll just get the powdered sugar, to heck with being carful in my clean shirt!

    HF: *Angrily* GEB!

    Geb finally noticing the hooded figure, turns around.

    Geb: Hello. Do I know you? your voice sounds familiar...

    HF: *Pushing hood back* You could say that...

    Geb: Mom?!?

    What a startling revelation! Why has Geb's mom suddenly appeared? Does this have something to do with Jim7's note? What ever happened to Maesseto? Or for that matter Miss Fire? ahh miss fire, how fondly i remember thee...those nights describing your moonlit walks by the sea, candlit dinner for one...*sigh, sniff* in getting all ferclemped..

    Geb: Riiiiight....

    &lt;Dormouse&gt; there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

    We are only human, perfect in our imperfections. - Erin amie du Dor

    &lt;Dormouse&gt; it's really cute in the way that a sherman tank with a fuzzy steering wheel is cute
    My girlfriend paid a lot of money for that tv; I want to watch ALL OF IT. - JM

  9. #1889
    Registered User
    ShadeTW slipped into the breakroom, only to find an oddly shaped...thing blocking the door. reaching out and exerting all his strength...that is, none, he shoved against the object, hoping to get it to budge or something. instead, it opened up to show a large springloaded finger.
    ShadeTW:"What th-?"
    as Shade flew through the air and landed in his little cubicle, he realized that the impact had jammed him in his little chair...and he couldn't reach the wheel locks that let him move around.sighing disconsolately, he turned to the keyboard and stared at it for a second, the fell asleep once more. as he snored, a large hand fingerwalked through the hallways, looking for dozing writers. as it rounded a corner, it spotted ShadeTW...and in the cubicle across from him, GebTW. looking left and right, the hand balanced itself on its middle finger and sent its pinky and thumb hurtling outwards in opposite directions.
    nyah! so there! who's got the B.U.M.P now?
    New from the makers of Air in a Box!
    ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

    [This message has been edited by shade (edited August 30, 2003).]

  10. #1890
    forums' resident drunk scotI
    [NSP: I swear, I *will* post soon and I *will* become a regular story posting type person. Just as soon as, you know, I get a really, *really* good idea.

    Or rather, as soon as I get a second really, really good idea, since my first one is to stop using asterisks to imply emphasis. Obviously.




    [This message has been edited by CookedHaggis (edited September 02, 2003).]

  11. #1891
    Within the Hall of Heros, The First Fasle Evil continues plotting evil with Darkside.

    TFFE: More like Dorkside!

    Darkside looks up from reading a file and takes his reading glasses off.

    Darkside: Wearing glasses to read things close does not make one a dork. You should be one to speak, Norman.

    TFFE: Don't make me smack you senseless with my white plot hole manipulating powers!

    Darkside: You dare challange the collective forces of darkness?

    TFFE: No...

    Darkside: Good. Now go conquor Australia already. Take some of our new 'friends' with you.

    TFFE: Yes, Darkside. I'm just going to make a phone call first...


    Some time later, inside the secret base of Jim7, Sam approaches Jim7 playing his guitar.

    Sam: Excuse me, boss.

    Jim does not respond, sucked deep into his own music.

    Sam: Boss?

    Jim continues playing his dark and powerful chords, not saying a word.

    Sam: Jim!

    Jim: Can't you see I'm busy?

    Sam: It's important though, sir!

    Jim: What is it?

    Sam: It's about The First False Evil, sir. He wired an encrypted call within our network, but I couldn't decipher it, nor whom the call was made to.

    Jim: Take care of it then.

    Jim then dons his battle armor and gear, then swings his guitar over his shoulder.

    Jim: I'm heading out. Gooing to see Gebohq. He's bound to get into a fight soon, and its been too long since I've been in one. Make sure you straighten everything out while I'm gone, and don't forget to feed the cat, or ELSE!

    Sam: Or else what?

    Jim, however, had already exited, leaving Sam alone in the room. Random urks and meows could be heard within the base.
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  12. #1892
    At the bakery, Gebohq stands facing his mother, who is garbed in a hooded outfit.

    Geb: Mom?

    Geb's mom: You already said that, dear.

    Geb: Just reminding the audience.

    Mom: Right... so how are you doing these days? I hardly hear from you these days. It worries me.

    Geb: Well I've been kind of busy, what with being a hero and all--

    Mom: I heard in the news that you were kicked out of the Hall of Heroes.

    Geb: What? How'd that get to be news?

    Mom: Are you doing drugs? Is that why they kicked you out?

    Geb: No, mom! Geez!

    Mom: You can tell me, you know.

    Geb: I'm not doing drugs! The others, they were succumbed by eating this pie, but it was evil pie, and now the bad guys are running the place...

    Mom: Uh-huh... We have to talk, Gebohq--

    Geb: You don't believe me, do you?

    Mom: Of course I believe you, dear. We need to talk--

    Geb: I can't believe you don't believe me! You didn't believe me when I told you it wasn't Los' fault all those times... Dad was never like this.

    Mom: That's what we need to talk about.

    Geb: About Dad?

    Mom: There's something you need to know about your father...

    Just then, Ares bursts through the door, pointing towards Gebohq.

    Ares: You never knew the truth... I am your father!

    Gebohq is rather disturbed, as was much of the patrons in the bakery some two minutes ago by the conversation Gebohq and his mother were holding.

    Geb: No... that's impossible! You can't be my father!

    Ares: Not you, fool! Him!

    Ares point at a young man, who drops his eclair.

    Ares: I've been meaning to tell you sometime, Nick, but I... well, I didn't care enough.

    Nick: Who are you?

    Ares: I'm the god of war.

    Nick: Really? Can I hang out with you?

    Ares: No. You were a mistake, and if I thought it'd be worth my time, I'd have killed you.

    Nick: Oh...

    Ares then turns to Gebohq.

    Ares: So you're going to need someone who knows what they're doing, if you intend on reclaiming your Home of Hobos.

    Geb: Hall of Heroes.

    Ares: Whatever. You're going to need me. I have some issues to settle with Darkside...

    Geb: I guess we'll get going then?

    Mom: Geb, wait! Your father...

    Geb: What is it?

    Mom: ...he's contracted something serious. The doctors say he might not pull through. You should see him.

    Ares: Come on, we need to get going. I don't have all day here!

    Will Geb go and see his father before he may die, or try and reclaim the Hall of Heroes? If he sees his father, it may be too late to save the world from certain doom, but if he turns to his heroic duty, he may be burdened with the guilt of not paying his father his last respects--

    Geb: Shut up! You're not helping!

    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  13. #1893
    Child's Play CharityGoY's Pessimistic Soy Boy Toy
    Creations unknown to man. Vile demons developed only to kill. Contructed-soldiers of doom. This narroration will contain none.

    A black cloak, wrapped around a circular body flows in the wind. The small imprints in the hot deasert sand stretch for miles behind the small figure. A horse lies in a massive pile of flies, rodents, and horse flesh far back from where the dark and mysterious lone-wolf had come. Ahead, a small speck in the view of the lonely strider, stood a building. Tall in perspective, it looked to only be a toothpick in the hot and evading deasert air. The dark figure continued in the dirrection of the seamlessly unattainable goal.


    Gebohq Mom, I mean... I can't leave my Dad to die without seeing him... But... the World is at stake! That just wouldn't sound right on a news cast, and the Never Ending Story would be ruined, in the fact that the Story DOESN'T END.

    Mom Gebohq Joseph Ann-Marie [I don't know], if you don't tend to your father this instant...

    Just then, from the shadows of the room, out stepped a grey robed shape, sort of like a circle, with Kirby shapped legs sticking out of the lower portion of the cloak. The figure looked up from the shade that the hood he wore held. Gebohq looked down in suprise.

    Gebohq Who... are you?

    Figure The question is, Who Was I?

    Gebohq ...But... you... You're supposed to make this about me... I AM the main character, you know?

    Figure Oh... right. Erm... The question is, Who are you!?

    Gebohq Gebohq Joseph Ann-Marie, who are... or were you?

    Figure At one time... I was known as jEDIkIRBY. But now...

    Gebohq KIRBY!? JEDIKIRBY!? Where... Where have you been!? Weren't you killed? I thought Bill Gates secretly caught you and tortured you and sent parts of your body to us in the mail, but due to Gates' laziness in not setting it as express order, we didn't get any packages until he'd cut your... well, 'you know' off. How ever did you survive that tragedy that JediKirbyTheWriter completely decided to never post about and just assume it happened?

    Gebohq quickly looks around just in case a Plothole were to pop up...

    TheHeroFormerlyKnownAsJediKirby I am no longer that creature you once called jEDIkIRBY... I faught with the great Demon Bill Gates for many months, and finally, on the slopes of some really big mountain, he was slain. I, too, was slain on that mountain, but am somehow born 2,000 miles from where I died, and now I'm all glowy, and the trees listen to every command I give. I am now known, as JK. JK the White.

    Gebohq That's a familiar plot... didn't that happen in the Tolke-

    JKtW No.

    Gebohq But, I could have swore that Gand-

    JKtW We haven't got time for this, I've got much to tell, and little time to tell it. A dark prince, the one they call 'Lord Of The Plotholes,' 'Betrayer of B.U.M.P.s,' and 'Shades Formatting.' is approaching a power unlike any we've ever seen before, soon, he will be more powerful then all of the Evals combined...But I've got a power to equal it... A power to see things happen before they happen...

    What is this!? How did I get here!? Does anyone actually PAY me for saying all of this!? So why exactly do I bother to say everything in the italics?


    OK, Because I'm a giant powerful voice, and all the 'God' voices are working full-time, the Home Shoping Network didn't like my credentials... I mean, what else is there for a loud imbodied voice? Ah well, here it goes:

    What mysterious 2 powers does JKtW speak of? What possibly could this other mysterious figure be? Why hasn't jEDIkIRBY The Writer posted in over 3 months? Find out next time, on the Never Ending Story!

    Wow... I get a lot from reading that... What would I spend a paycheck on anyways? Body-less voices don't have clothing stores...

    [NSP: OK, OK, I posted, happy!?]


    "I was driving along listening to the radio, when Judas Priest comes on. It was 'You've got another thing coming.' All of a sudden, I enter 'VICE CITY RAMAGE MODE' and nearly ran some guy over"
    - ]-[ellequin

    [This message has been edited by jEDIkIRBY (edited September 04, 2003).]
    ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ

  14. #1894
    Registered User
    alright...despite criticisms of my formatting, I'm still the only person it seems who will sit around and do the important duty of restoring life to to speak. and so, without further ado, I present to you...
    no spiffy posts today. no too dismal and such.

    New from the makers of Air in a Box!
    ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

  15. #1895
    When we last left him, Doctor Dormouse was crawling through a mysterious tunnel which presumably leads to StoneHenge. However, as he is crawling, he notices that his surroundings begin to feel... wrong.

    random audience member: Gee, what gave that clue away? Maybe a mysterious underground tunnel?


    Dor: How intriguing. This tunnel has the most peculiar geometry. Wait... what's this? A city? Underground?

    As Dormouse crawls out of the tunnel, he is overwhelmed by a tearing sensation of the mind as he gazes upon the underground landscape. The slime-covered angles of the unearthly city twist and turn in a sharp, non-Euclidian manner, hinting at great and long since dead presence that yet was not quite dead. A thought not his own repeatedly scratchs and peels the doctor's mind.

    Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

    A lumbering yet flowing mass can be sensed approaching Dr. Dormouse, willed by a chaotically gripping monster of a presence as great and questionable as the city itself. The knowledge of these truths perceieved would turn any person insane.

    Dor: Oh fasinating! *bends down to look at the ground* I do believe this is a fungus I have never seen before!

    It is good then that our good "doctor" has yet to percieve such truths. Will he continue on, oblivious of his surroundings and onto StoneHenge, or will he discover what no mortal man should never have to gaze upon?
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  16. #1896
    So, Ares God of War, JK the White, Geb's Mom, and Gebohq Joseph Anne-Marie (or GJAM, as he's known to his hateful friends) are standing around a doughnut shop. Geb's Mom grabs Geb by the ear.

    Geb's Mom: "Come along, Gebohq, or you'll be grounded for a year!"

    Gebohq Joseph Anne-Marie: "Awww, but Mom...."

    Geb and Geb's Mom leave the doughnut shop. In a minor plot point, Geb brings along the fresh doughnut that he bought at some point between posts. You know, because the doughnut is supposed to be some important plot point or something. Heck, I don't know. They don't tell me what's going to happen!

    After Geb's sudden exit, JK the White and Ares stand around uncomfortably.

    JK the White: "Sooooo..."

    Ares: "You look oddly familiar..."

    JK the White: "Yeah. I think I ate you once."

    Nick: "Hey, I was just thinking, there's a father-son baseball game next Friday at the park and--"


    JK the White: "You just burned that young man to a crisp!"

    Ares: "Yeah, so?"

    JK the White: "I'm afraid I have no choice but to destroy you..."

    Ares: "Yeah, sure, but make it quick, ok? I got stuff to do!"

    Meanwhile, Geb gets dragged into the hospital by his mom. They go up some stairs and an elevator and why am I describing the hospital to you? You idiots know what a hospital looks like! Anyway, they enter a hospital room, where a man lies very still in a bed.

    Geb: "Dad?"

    The man weakly turns his head to Geb, and Geb sees him clearly for the first time. Geb gasps.

    Geb: "Bill Gates! Oh no, Bill Gates is my real father? NOOOOOOOoooooo....."

    Geb's Mom: "Oh, whoops, wrong room! Sorry, son!"

    Gates: "No, it's true! I am your real father! Mweeheeheeheeee!"

    Geb: "Yeah, sure, whatever, freak."

    Geb and Geb's Mom walk across the hall to another room. It is dark inside, and Geb walks slowly in and flips on the light. Suddenly, a large crowd of people jumps at him, yelling and shouting.


    Geb's Dad: "Hey, son, Happy Birthday! I betcha you didn't expect a surprise party, eh? Did you suspect anything?"

    Geb: "Um, well, no, considering that my mother, who I respect and trust, told me that my beloved father was dying!"

    Geb's Mom: "We got you good, didn't we?"

    Geb's Dad: "You shoulda seen the look on your face! It was priceless!"

    Losien: "Yeah, bro, it was pretty funny."

    Geb: "You know, you all are acting very strangely. Normally you guys aren't quite so cruel and wait a minute! What's Losien doing here? Didn't you eat that pie?"

    Losien: "Yeah, it was delicious! And it made me feel so confident! I brought some along, why don't you have some?"

    Geb's Mom: "Yes, it's very good pie! Have a slice!"

    Geb's Dad: "You won't regret it, son!"

    Geb: "Oh no! You've all eaten the pie! Noooooooo!"

    Behind Geb, the door opens, and a slightly stooped, bespectacled figure enters, chuckling in a high-pitched, menacing tone.

    Bill Gates: "Yes, Geb, even your family belongs to me now! Can't you see that it's hopeless! I will prevail in the end! It is destined to be so!"

    Geb: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!"

    Great Jumpin' Jehosaphat! What a cliffhanger! Whatever will happen next? Will Bill Gates really prevail? Why does he think it is destined to be so? Can things get any worse for our beloved Hero? For only six easy payments of thirty-nine ninty-five, you can have the next episode of the Never-ending Story Thread delivered right to your computer! No shipping or handling! And as an added bonus, we'll throw in the free CD "NeS Musicals: A Compilation of NeS's Best" at no added charge! That's right! Order now! Supplies are limited, so limit of five per caller!

    Oh, and Happy Birthday to Geb the Writer, who turns twenty-ish today! Yay! I guess.

    "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  17. #1897
    [NSP] *crazy giggling* lurvely, Krig!

    *does the 'It's Gebbit's Birthday' dance* (a very specific dance involving much jumping about randomly, with Ford innadress and also Dor innabow making appearances)

    Oh, and I promise I will post someday, when I figure out what Maeve actually has to offer the Heroes[/NSP]

    Work like you don't need the money
    Love like you've never been hurt
    Dance like nobody's watching
    <spe> maevie - proving dykes can't fly

    <Dor> You're levelling up and gaining more polys!

  18. #1898
    *Antestarr, who's "brooding" had been replaced with "zoning" some months back, walked into the den of iniquity formerly known as the common room in the Hall of Heroes with his rifle slung over his shoulder and a bowl of ramen in his hand. Looking up, he noticed the logo of the Hall of Heroes had the word "Heroes" crossed out and replaced with "Pie"*

    Ante *slurping up some ramen*: Oh, hey guys. Did I miss something? Hi Darkside, TFFE. Uh... why are you guys here and nobody's on the floor writhing in horrific agony?

    Darkside: Ah, Antestarr. We'd forgotten you were alive. Would you care for some pie?

    Ensemble of heroes droning like zombies: Pie... Piiiiiiiiiieeeeee....

    Ante: Oh, no thanks. I'm fine with my ramen. I don't really like pie anyway. I mean, I do like pie, but not in the literal sense. Well, yes in the literal sense, but not in the sense of eating... well, actually, that's not entirely true. Dangblasted innuendo.

    EOHDLZ: Piiiiiiieeee... Piiiiiii... *urk* Piiiiiiiiieeeee...

    Ante: Uh... I'm going to step outside now and... uh... eat my ramen in the street.

    *As Ante worked his way towards the exit, the mass of Heroes began to shamble towards him. In a drastic attempt to save his first meal in months as well as his life, Ante tossed the bowl of ramen into the air, locked a round into his rifle, and fired at the chain of a conveniently placed chandelier. The crashing of the ornate light fixture startled the Heroes long enough for Ante to shoulder his rifle again, catch his ramen (which had not spilled), and get out the door into the street, where he hoped he could eat his lunch safely...*

    "Ken wa kyouki. Kenjutsu wa satsujinjutsu. Donna kireigoto ya o-daimoku o kuchi ni shite mo sore ga shinjitsu."
    -Seijuro Hiko
    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  19. #1899
    A Highly Powerful Yet Kind Method Of Advancing The Thread So As To Keep It Active!

    Hmm... A.H.P.Y.K.M.O.A.T.T.S.A.T.K.I.A!

    Perhaps a B.U.M.P. would be wiser and more efficient...
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  20. #1900
    (NSP: A Highemp-Geb collaboration. Mostly Highemperor. The wonders of the telephone.)

    Camera pans over a serene grassland with a black liquid coursing through rivers and streams. As it zooms in, we find that the grass is grey, being made of graphite, and the black liquid running through the rivers is ink. We also find that the dirt is multi-colored, consisting of paper crumpled into dust. As the camera follows a particular river to the horizon, we see a tower of epic proportions. This tower of epic-proportions, here and after known now as T.o.E.P.--

    RAM: Hey, come on! You have to give us a better name than THAT!


    RAM: Because you have to write well so that you can keep an audience interested, like myself.

    *Just then, James Earl Jones enters, speaking to the Narrator.*

    JEJ: Hey, who're you talking to?

    *JEJ and the Narrator look to an empty theater filled with dust and cobwebs*

    RAM #2: Hey random audience member #1, sit down and shut up! We're only figments of the Narrator's imagination.

    *to Mr. Jones* No one.

    *James Earl Jones shrugs and walks on by.*

    To entertain the audience which I don't have, I will come up with a better name for the T.o.E.P. This is, in fact, the REAL name of the T.o.E.P. but I warn you, you're not going to like it. It's the NeverEnding Tower of Super Ultra Powerful Extravagant Reality of the Omnicron at the Center, Top, Head, and Beyond the Eternal Dimensional Continuum. Also known as the N.E.T.o.S.U.P.E.R.o.t.O.a.t.C.T.H.a.B.t.E.D.C.

    Or for the pansy writers, the N.e.T. This, my friends, is the center of reality, from which brings forth the N.e.T. net, which is the web of ink that connects all the worlds together. F.Y.I., an Omicron is a book/reality (one and the same), and the Omnicron is the collective of all Omicrons. NeS, of course, is the supreme Omicron, though the more well-known Omicron is the overly-used Necronomicron.

    IRAM (imaginaary random audience member) #3: Enough with the cosmology already! Gimme the action! The gore!

    IRAM #2: Shush! Highemp the writer has worked hard on this elaborate system for NeS.

    IRAM #4: Hey! Why are you being such a goody two-shoes anyway?

    IRAM #2: *pulls of mask* Because I AM Highemp the writer!

    *IRAM #2 is smitten by lightning for pretending to be the great Highemperor the writer.*

    Imaginary pile of ashes #2: Owie!

    IRAM #1: Who is WRITING this script anyway?

    IPOA#2, IRAM #3, IRAM #4: Highemperor the egotistical writer, DUH!


    Anyway, back to the scene. Yes, fellow readers, this impressive tower before you is the NeT, the castle of infinite floors (or stories, if you will) that reaches through the sky, tears a hole in it, and mangles it. Inside the NeT, on the 42nd floor, are the offices of the dreaded EDITOR, who edits the entire Omnicron, including NeS.

    *The imaginary audience gasps in shock.*

    Inside the Editor's office--

    Editor's secretary: Hold on, Mr. Narrator of the NES--


    secretary: Whatever. I'm going to have to ask you to take a number and sit down.

    *The Narrator goes to sit in the waiting room, where he encounters Highemperor from NeS.*

    Highemp: You too, huh?

    So is this where you've been all this time?

    Highemp: *shrugs shoulders* 'fraid so. Ever since the "Porni Temple" incident, I've been wanting to edit it out of the story from sheer embarrassment. So I came here, took a number, and I've been waiting here ever since.

    secretary: Number 1,265,088.

    Highemp: That's me!

    *Highemperor walks into the Editor's office. The Editor, whose face is convininetly outside the camera's view, can be seen wielding a giant red pen, which is the septre of his office.*

    Editor: *in a not-very-impressive voice* So, what can I do to help you, Mr. Highemperor?

    *Highemperor stares at the computer screens surrounding the office, displaying the different Omicrons, and notices that the NeS window is displayed on the giant screen behind the editor's desk.*

    Highemp: Hmmm... this situation seems to be working to my advantage.

    Editor: What was that?

    Highemp: Er--nothing. I was just wondering if I could have an office here at the NeT, preferably a window view, a nice desk...

    *A couple of hours later, Highemperor is crammed into a cubicle with very little air.*

    Highemp: Oooooo, I'm gonna kill that kid.
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  21. #1901
    *Back at Teh Secret Base of Jim7 we see our Prince of Darkness looking around for Tony*

    Jim7: TONY!!!

    Meanwhile in the realm of the writers

    Jim7tW: TONY!... what happened?

    TonytESwITtC: while rubbing the back of his head i think i was B.U.M.P.ed

    Jim7tW: weird... I thought B.U.M.P.s never made it into actual story posts...

    TonytESwITtC: yeah... isn't it weird?

    Jim7tW: yeah...

    Back in teh secret base of Jim7 Tony falls out of a closet

    Tony: wow I had a strange dream?

    Jim7: what about?

    Tony: that this is all a story and I got B.U.M.P.ed when it was B.U.M.P.ed

    Jim7: weird...


    Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

    [This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited September 15, 2003).]
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  22. #1902
    Registered User
    Shade the Writer finally settles down into his cubicle and plops down into his chair. after staring at his keyboard for a few moments, he stretches out one tentative finger and pokes a button on the keyboard. in response, the computer chimes and an online menu pops up on the screen.
    PC:"do you require assistance user?"
    ShadeTW jumps up out of his chair with a startled gasp.
    ShadeTW:"AHHH! TALKING BOX! TALKING BOX EVIL! MUST DESTR-oh wait...that's just the help feature."
    meanwhile, in the NeS, Galrek continues to wander the intricate tunnel system looking for useful people.
    *trip, twang! crash!*
    Galrek:"what th- who the hell put a guitar in the middle of this dark smelly tunnel?! ah...light...maybe the owner of the guitar is in the light..."
    picking up the smashed remains of the guitar, Galrek heads into the light, emerging into a large room to stumble into the presence of Jim7 himself. Galrek, never one to be impressed by...well, anything, holds up the broken guitar in front of him.
    Galrek:"you the dipstick that left this in that tunnel?"

    New from the makers of Air in a Box!
    ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

  23. #1903
    (NSP: Right, so what's happening again?)

    Rule with an iron fist! And a wooden leg. - Anonymous Australian

  24. #1904
    I cant beleive its almost the fourth aniversary of this thread.

    Why wont you be a good boy and die? - various movies
    I was just petting the bunny, and it went into the soup can, and part of my hand went with it. - Red vs Blue

  25. #1905
    Registered User
    you expect us to know what's going on? we're just the writers! I think I heard something about pie...and bad guys...and good guys...and there were plot twists and stuff...

    New from the makers of Air in a Box!
    ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

  26. #1906
    (NSP: Wow, this is the first NSP I've made in a long time. Tracer, if ya want, I can send ya a page I've made up of a summary of each character's actions since page 44. It's quite helpful.

    Also, what tune did you set that "A Pirate's Life For Me" song to? Or did you have a tune in mind? I've been thinking about recording that song, but I need the melody, first. )

    "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  27. #1907
    *CM (CoolMatty) walks in*

    CM: Where the hell am I? Why is it so dark?

    Little does CM know, but he's just walked into the underground plotline tunnels of NeS

    CM: Well, let's get some light in this place!

    CM casts "Hand Inferno!" A blue ball of flame appears on his palm, illuminating the tunnel.

    CM: Hrm, what's that say on the wall? GEB... IS ... GOD? What's up with that?

    Not a moment later, Wai (Wandering AI) appears behind him.

    Wai: 'ello CM.

    CM spins around quickly, almost slamming into Wai.

    CM: Wai! What... the heck are you doing here?

    Wai: I was going to ask you the same question. As for me, my name says it all. I'm wandering.

    CM: Well I have no idea how I got here. One minute, I'm reading the Legends of Spooky Taco, then the next, I'm in a cold, dark, smelly, politically-incorrect(glaring at writing on the wall), tunnel.

    Wai: Well, this is the underground plotline tunnels of the... oh my sweet programmer...

    CM: What? What's wrong?

    CM spins around, only a second too late to see a creature slurk back into the shadows of the tunnel. A high-pitched wail echoes in the tunnel.

    CM: What... was that?

    What was the creature Wai saw? Will CM discover his purpose for being here? Will I come up with a better conflict and plot? Will I come up with a better cliffhanger? Only time, and a stable webserver will tell!

    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  28. #1908

    MZZT: Dang it, CM! It's only me!

    MZZT emerges from the darkness.

    MZZT: Your robot scared me away, sorry about that.

    WAI: I am NOT a robot. I am a Wandering Artifi... oh, maybe I AM a robot...

    CM: Mega? What are you doing herE?

    MZZT: I've taken it upon myself to seek out new NeS posters quickly, before the villians get to them. I cannot allow them to fall victim to the pie.

    CM: The... pie... riiiight....

    MZZT: Seriously. If you are offered pie, DON'T EAT IT.

    CM: .... suuuure.....

    MZZT: Look, it's incredibly evil pie we're talking about here...

    CM: *snicker*

    MZZT: Hey! Even though you didn't give me webspace, I'm still going to help you. Be thankful.

    CM: Hey! I told you, the server was...

    MZZT: Nevermind... c'mon! I'll fill you in as we walk.

    WAI: What about me?

    MZZT: Eh, you can come along too. We may need a decoy if we run into some villians.

    MZZT tells CM and WAI about the latest happenings in NeS as they walk. About the pie, about his attempts to find an antidote, and finally about his findings about the pie... namely, that it's effects could wear off.

    MZZT seems to know the labyrinth by heart. With very little light coming from CM's ball of fire and lit torches lining the walls, he does not hesitate as he twists and turns through the narrow, stone-lined passages.

    CM: How the heck do you know this place?

    MZZT: Shh! Don't ask! If I try to answer, a plot-hole will most certantly appear!

    CM: A plot-WHAT?!?

    MZZT: I'll explain later, we're almost there...

    CM: Where? You never told us where you're taking us!

    MZZT turns a corner and CM and WAI follow. They bump right into MZZT, who has stopped and is facing a blank wall!

    CM: Ow! Hey! That's it! You don't know this place, you were faking it!

    MZZT: No... we're here...

    CM: a dead end.

    MZZT turns around to glare at CM momentarily, and then faces the dead-end again. Raising his hand, a dull groan starts to come from the wall... then, all of a sudden, it explodes outward, revealing a bright light.

    CM: *shielding his eyes* URGH!

    MZZT: C'mon!

    MZZT, CM, and WAI step out into... the middle of Stonehedge.

    CM: Woah.

    WAI: Main Processor Cannot Make Sense of Sensory Data. Translation: What. The. F...

    MZZT: *interrupting* We'll have none of that here!

    WAI: Sorry.

    Amazing! We've finally found Stonehedge... what does all this have to do with Dr. Dor? (Who knows, MZZTtW just plopped Stonehedge in here just to make everything seem to tie together.)

    MZZT: Hey! I'm not done yet!

    But it's the end of the post.

    MZZT: Not until I say it is.


    MZZT gives the RAMs a cold stare until they shut up.

    MZZT: Thank you. Now, let's review our plan...

    CM: Plan?

    MZZT: Of course. We have to take back the HoH.

    CM: Oh right, that Hell of Horrors or whatever you were talking about earlier.

    MZZT: *sigh* Well, our first step is to find those heroes that have been scattered about, and bring them together. From what I've discovered, we probably need to raid the HoH. Not necessarily to retake it just yet, just destroy the pie making devices the villians use! Occe we do that, retaking it will no longer be a problem.

    MZZT: I think Ares and Geb will be our mose hopeful candidates, we should get them first.

    CM: Ares? Some n00bs nick?

    MZZT: No Ares, the genuine God of War.

    CM: Cool.

    MZZT: Matty.

    CM: ... right... now... how do we go about doing that.

    MZZT: Simple. We look for a Dodge Viper. One of us will "accidentally" chip the paint. If the responce is a raining of destruction and pestilence, we'll know who's Viper it is.

    WAI: And who will this person be who will chip the paint?

    MZZT and CM both look at WAI expectantly.

    WAI: Of course, machines are the expendable ones. *grumble grumble* Why couldn't I just have gone back to wandering? I knew that CM character was bad news when I saw him...

    CM: *ignoring WAI* What about Gebohq?

    MZZT: Rumor has it he's celebrating his birthday party.

    CM: At a time like this?!?!

    MZZT: Yeah, sounds strange, but listen to this... he's celebrating it in a hospital.

    CM: So he's trying to justify it by conforting sick people at the same time?

    MZZT: Dunno.

    Alright NeSians! Who will MZZT and CM (oh, and WAI) go after first?!? Geb or Ares?!? YOU decide! Just write a little post explaining what happens! Or, you can even pick a third character! Have fun!

    MZZT: Hey! Narrator! You can't have emoicons!


    MZZT: *sigh*

    The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction
    NEW! PHP implementation underway!

  29. #1909
    Wai: ... so, where exactly is Ares's viper, by the way?

    CM: Your the superintelligent program, you tell me!

    Wai: What do you want me to do? Look it up in the DMV database?

    MZZT: ...duh!

    Wai and the crew start driving around town, looking for a wireless network to get on. They stop at a McDonalds, and find some wireless access.

    MZZT: Wireless in McDonalds! Who would have thought!

    CM: So how is it going?

    Wai: Slow... there are only about 250,000 registered Vipers in Europe...

    MZZT: Dang. That's a lot!

    Meanwhile, Ares pulls up in his Viper

    Ares: Hey MZZT, what are you doing here?

    MZTT: ARES! We were looking for you! We need to raid the HoH!

    Ares: I may be God of War, but I'm not God of Stupidity either. Give me a good reason to help you!

    MZZT: Well, I'll uh, give you Wai! He's really helpful, doesn't complain often...

    Wai: What am I? Your slave?

    CM: What if I defeat you in a fight?

    Wai, MZZT, and Ares get a shocked look on their faces

    Ares: Are you challenging me?

    CM: Are you deaf?

    Ares: So be it. Prepare to feel the wrath of my power.

    CM: Just don't mess up my style.

    CM proceeds to go into a fighting stance.

    CM: "Needle Inferno!"

    Small needle-like flames appear all around Ares. They immediately dive right into Ares, leaving a burning flesh smell in the building.

    Ares: Now you've done it kid. Juggernaut special!

    Ares throws a fist so fast, that the moving air alone could tear through steel... needless to say, the McDonalds is trashed.

    CM: Firewall!

    Wai suddenly catches on fire, and is thrown in front of Ares's attack. He takes the full brunt of the attack, sparing CM.

    MZZT: ... what the heck, a real world port-blocking?

    Ares and CM continue to fight, CM using his many fire magiks, and Ares using his powerful fighting skills. Wai, of course, continues to take the hits for CM.

    Ares: Well, that was fun!

    CM(panting): Heh, yea... sure was... Guess you really are the God of War... I hit you with everything and you still lived!

    Ares: Well, I am immortal. So you want to take down the HoH?

    MZZT: That's the plan.

    MZZT: I'm hoping to take out the pie manufacturing plant, so that we can contain this disaster.

    Wai: Roses are red, Violets are blue, BASIC is stupid, and so are you!

    CM: Shouldn't you, ya know, be on the floor in a million pieces or something?

    What will be the plan be for breaking into HoH? Will Wai regain his sanity? What happened to the poor McDonalds? It's all on you!

    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  30. #1910

    MZZT: Alright! The only major person we need now is Geb! From there, we can play it by ear.

    Ares: Wait a minute. I'm not just coming with you mortals. I have to be compensated.

    MZZT: *groan*

    Ares: First, My Viper out there REALLY needs some modding, y'know? If it were to be financed...

    MZZT: *cousugardumplinggh*

    Ares: Er... on the other hand, friends help friends for free, right?

    The heroes get into Ares' viper (Ares drives of course) and they speed off to The Obscure London Hospital.

    Ares: Here we are. What's our plan? Do we bust in and...

    CM: Nonono, that's the HoH, remember?

    Ares: Ah. Right. So... where do we find Geb?

    WAI: Maybe we can ask someone?

    All three stare at WAI for a few quiet seconds. Then they burst out in laughter.

    ALL: WOOOHOOO!!! HHAHAHA!!! That's a good one! I would ask for directions?!?! Hah!

    Etc, Etc

    A few minutes later

    Ares: Whew... ahem... that was funny robot... hey, where'd he go?

    WAI slipped away during the laughter.

    CM: ... oops.

    MZZT: Er... Let's carry on without him. Due to the inheirent nature of the NeS, he'll show up when we least want him to or most need him to.

    The group enters the hospital.

    MZZT: Now, we can split into three groups...

    CM: But we've only got three people.

    MZZT: ... of one person each. So? Each of us can cover... let's see, hoe many floors are here? *checks a dept listing on the wall* Holy... that's a lot of floors for a hospital. Er... CM, you take the first third of the floors, Ares you take the second third, I'll take the rest. Let's go!

    CM walks off to his first set of doors, and Ares and MZZT go to the elevators.

    Four hours later...

    Back in the lobby, CM is sitting in a waiting area checking his watch impatiently, Ares and MZZT come back down the elevators, out of breath, and both slouch into seats.

    MZZT: No luck.

    Ares: Nor here, either.

    MZZT: Gee CM, you look like you handled this pretty well.

    CM: Yeah, with only three floors to do. What took you guys so long?

    MZZT: ... I said the first third of the floors. Not floors 1 - 3.

    CM: Oh... @#$%. *runs to the elevators*

    A few more hours later...

    MZZT: Gee, what's taking him so long...

    Ares: Maybe he found Geb.

    MZZT: Let's hope so.

    Nurse: Excuse me...

    Ares: *puts on his best look* Yes?

    Nurse: Do you need to know the room number for a patient here?

    Ares: Er... no! No, we do NOT need directions. No.

    Nurse: Um... ok... *walks away, eyeing them suspiciously*

    MZZT: Y'know, maybe we should've...

    CM emerges from the elevator, looking as tired as MZZT and Ares did.

    CM: Well, I searched 'em all.

    MZZT: And...?

    CM: Nope.

    MZZT: Blast! I was SURE this was the right hospital!

    Ares: You mean to say...

    MZZT: Er...

    Ares: This has been a complete.

    MZZT: Um.

    Ares: Total.

    MZZT: Now wait...

    Ares: WASTE OF MY TIME?!?! *begins glowing, his eyes turn bright red*

    MZZT: Wait! We have proved he ISN'T here, so...

    Ares: ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHH!! *prepares to unleash a ball of pure energy*

    MZZT: eek.

    WAI: Hello friendly carbon lifeforms!

    Ares: *all fx immediatey dissapear* Huh?

    WAI: You won't believe where I was.

    CM: Not here?

    WAI: It's funny, I ran right in this lobby and asked the help desk where Gebohq was. Turned out he was in the basement.

    MZZT: They have rooms in the basement?!?!? What kind of...

    WAI: I checked it out, and it was empty.

    ALL: Huh?

    WAI: No human lifeforms whatsoever. I scanned 25 times.

    MZZT: Why didn't you come tell us THEN?!?

    WAI: I tried to, but I could no longer find you. I concluded you were either at the room... thich was unlikely since I had not run into you... or that you had already found Geb and left... which was likely since the Viper was gone.

    Ares: WTH?!?! MY VIPER!!! *rushes past everyone and runs outside*

    MZZT: Hmmph. I told him not to park there.

    WAI: ... So I searched the surrounding area. Not finding you, I attempted to come back here to ask the receptionist if she had seen you. And here you are.

    CM: We. Are. Idiots.

    RAM: Indeed.

    MZZT: Shut up.

    WAI: I think you humans should examine the room where Gebohq was. I was unable to make sense out of what I found there.

    MZZT: Ares?


    MZZT: Bleh, he has no car, and even a god of war won't run far. He knows I have transportation that I can call here at a click of a button, he'll be back. Let's go WAI.

    The group walks down a flight of stairs and down a hallway, to a door reading "Mr. Ohq" [Ed: I don't care what anyone says, Geb's last name is Ohq ]. They enter.

    MZZT: Hmm...

    The room is mostly orderly, except for a knocked over table. Pie and a pie tin is all over the floor.

    CM: Hmm pie!

    MZZT: Hey! Stoppit!

    CM: What? Five second rule!

    MZZT: It's been at least seven hours darnnit.

    CM: My timescale is different from yours *picks up a piece and goes to eat it*

    MZZT: *slaps the pie out of his hand* What are you doing!??! It's the evil pie!

    CM: .... OH! *slaps his head* I thought you said evil pi!

    MZZT: ... I did...

    CM: No! Not pie! π!

    MZZT: Oh! π!

    CM: Yeah.

    MZZT: *sigh*. Let's get out of here.

    WAI: Excuse me, I think I have fully analyzed this situation.

    MZZT: Hey, you just said a few minutes ago you couldn't~

    WAI: You humans have filled in some of the pieces I have not been able to myself. I have now been able to do the rest.

    CM: and?

    WAI: I believe whoever was in this room surprised Geb and tried to feed him pie.

    MZZT: Hmm... every fiber of my being tells me that Geb in immune to the pie's effects... and the visions the Force gives me only strenghthens these feelings. What will the villians do to Geb when they discover the pie has no effect?


    RAM: Wth?

    You know, exeunt.

    RAM: You know, EXPLAIN.

    *sigh* It is used in Shakespearian works to indicate that all characters leave a scene.

    RAM: Oh.


    Outside the hospital

    MZZT: See? There he is guys!

    Ares: Er... MZZT... you got a ride?

    A few minutes later...

    Ares: Gah! Get your elbow out of my eye stupid robot!

    WAI: It's not my fault. It's cramped in this space. See, CM's nose is practically in my hard drive.

    CM: Sorry!

    MZZT: Hey guys! I know this is a Missile Boat only designed to hold one person, but we can fit for the ride to the HoH, right?

    Ares: Huh? I thought we needed to get Geb first!

    MZZT: I have a hunch he was taken there. We'll have to invade the HoH without him, and free him as well as shut down the pie factory. We'll try to find Geb first.

    WAI: The HoH website indiacates that the HoH employs a large security squad, hired by maevie.

    MZZT: Yes, I know.... There's a secret enterance on top of Big Ben (that's where the HoH is guys), on the opposite side of the clock face. Geb showed it to me once, I don't think he got around to showing it to anyone else though. The new security wouldn't know about it. The HoH is directly below the clock face area, we'll be able to take them by surprise.

    Ares: Perfect.

    WAI: We should try stealth.

    CM: Agreed. Let's get Geb out of there.

    Ares: *whispers to MZZT* Now all I have to do is help you with this little raid right?

    MZZT: *whispers back* Yeah, Sugar Dumpling's secret will be safe then.

    Ares: *whisper* Good.

    The Missile Boat pulls over to the back of Big Ben. A small door opens at the silent touch of a button in the cockpit, and the Missile Boat flies in and lands...

    [NSP: I've decided to focus more on action and excitement in this next bit, rather than solely on humor. I hope you like it so far!]

    [Edit: Stupid typos and paradoxes fixed.]

    The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction
    NEW! PHP implementation underway!

    [This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited September 21, 2003).]

  31. #1911
    Stands for *MMRPH!*
    A small Blue-Vortex opens and BV stumbles through it

    BV: What the... where AM I?!?!

    [NSP - (I'm assuming that means "not story part or something) Hi everyone. )

    Well that's stupid. I'm not buying a so-called Star Wars game that doesn't have Yoda. - Tracer
    That painting was a gift, Todd. I'm taking it with me.

  32. #1912
    A random audience member appears behind BV, and kicks him back in the portal


    Meanwhile, at Big Ben...

    MZZT: Ares, your the leader. CM, watch our flank. I'll scout around for the elusive maevie. Wai, you stay here and guard the ship.

    Wai: Guard the ship? But that's a waste of my amazing fighting talents!

    MZZT: As amazing as your fighting talents are, if they are as amazing as your ability to ramble on, you'll only be making the security commit suicide...

    CM: He has a point.

    Wai: Fine, but when you all get back, we're going to have a serious discussion!

    The group begins to walk down a long flight of stairs, towards the base of the clock tower, completely ignoring Wai, who is still talking.

    CM: He's going to attract every single security guard in this building up there if he keeps rambling like that.

    MZZT: That's the plan.

    Ares: Get down, there's someone coming.

    The group had just reached the bottom of the stairs, when a flashlight beam is seen moving by the staircase. Ares jumps out and pulls some ninja skills on the guard, before he has a chance to notice Ares and the others.

    Ares: We've got to move quickly now, we've been forced to take down a guard. It won't take them long at all to figure out that he's miss...

    CM: What is it with everyone stopping in the middle of a sent e n c.......

    MZZT: What is it? I can't see a .... oh my lord...

    In front of them stands the almighty Roxelf.

    Roxelf: I believe you were looking for my wife maevie? What business do you have with her?

    CM: Well... We were really just here, to, ya know... look


    Ares(Whispering): Doesn't he have like an off switch or something?

    CM: Nope. Trust me, I've looked.

    Roxelf: Smithereens, eh? Well, I'll have you know, you have NO CHANCE of doing any sort of thing. You will die to my amazing TECHNO MAGIC!

    What will happen to the fellowship? Will Roxelf destroy the group? Is Wai running on a Windows Operating System or something? ONLY TIME WILL TELL!

    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  33. #1913

    All of a sudden... BIG BEN STRIKES TWELVE!!!

    Roxelf: WHAT THE...?

    The three heroes quickly rush past the startled Roxelf.

    Roxelf: *faces doorway* Hey, get back here!

    WAI: Hmm, how do you work this thing anyways?

    Roxelf: *turns around* Eh?

    WAI: Ah here we go!

    A laser blast is fired from the missile boat and hits the wall right behind Roxelf.

    Roxelf: ... ^&$%...

    Roxelf runs.

    The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction
    NEW! PHP implementation underway!

  34. #1914
    (NSP: I was thinking of a sort of combination between Dixieland Jazz and a sea a Dixieland shanty, I guess.)

    *Oblivious to the gripping and climactic action going on elsewhere, Jim7 reclines in his secret base, watching his chief scientist give a PowerPoint presentation.*

    Chief Scientist: "As you can see in this slide, we have recovered the mangled corpses of a dozen or so dead heroes."

    *The Chief Scientist pauses to click his left mouse button. The Windows 'ding' sound plays and the screen dissolves into the next slide.*

    Chief Scientist: "And in this slide, we have the recovered components of several battle-damaged Soviet Commiebots."

    BV: "Scintillating."

    Chief Scientist: "Given those two conditions, there was only one logical course of action."


    Chief Scientist: "...the creation of a fighting force of half hero, half robot cyborgs."

    *Jim7 looks at BV and raises his eyebrows.*

    BV: "I believe that a practical demonstration is in order."

    Chief Scientist: "Yes, boss."

    *The Chief Scientist presses a button on a large remote control, and a freaky-looking cyborg monster lumbers into the room.*

    Jim7: "What is his name?"

    Chief Scientist: "We call this one 'Fluffy'."

    Jim7: "And his loyalty is, shall we say, unwavering?"

    Chief Scientist: "What do you like, Fluffy?"

    Fluffyborg: "Communism."

    Chief Scientist: "What are some of your favourite activites?"

    Fluffyborg: "Installing puppet governments in satellite states. Serving Jim7. Deflating the spread of capitalism. Demolishing the opponents of Jim7. Earning the same flat wage as all of my compatriots -"

    Chief Scientist: "That'll do, Fluffy."

    Jim7: "Incredible. His dogmatic servitude...I find it..."

    *Unable to finish his sentance, Jim7 gestures to BV.*

    BV: "Intriguing."

    Chief Scientist: "It gets better, boss. Observe."

    *The Chief Scientist waves a pie in front of Fluffyborg's face.*

    Chief Scientist: "...And what do you think of pies, Fluffy?"

    Fluffy: "Pie. Noun. A delightful baked confection often served with iced cream. No connotation to either communism or Jim7."

    Jim7: "Excellent. Put him back into storage; I'll begin forumlating a plan for the use of these...abominations immediately."

    *The Chief Scientist presses another button on his remote, presumanbly with the intention of shutting the Fluffyborg down, but something goes wrong: sparks fly out of Fluffy's ears and the robot lurches wildly about the office.*

    Jim7: "Turn it off!"

    Chief Scientist: "I can't! He's not responding!"

    BV: "Horrifying."

    Fluffyborg: "Error. Error."

    *After colliding with every breakable object in the room, the Fluffyborg teeters on one leg for a moment, and then falls, it's two-ton body punching a hole in the floor.*

    Fighting for your rights; the Massassi Civil Liberties Union.

  35. #1915
    And back to the PIE-Action

    Ares: We must hurry! I don't know how or why, but Wai bought us a distraction, let's not waste it!

    The fellowship continues to run down the halls, frantically looking for Geb...

    CM: What's that loud humming noise?

    MZZT: That can be no other than the pie making machine!

    Ares: Quick, let's destroy it! Geb would understand the sacrifice!

    The fellowship barges into the room, to find huge vats of pie-making stuffs. Suddenly, a loud cry is heard above one of the vats...


    Maevie: If only you understood my true power... then, then you would understand.

    Maevie then makes a evil pose, with a evil grin that sparkles.... sniff, its so beautiful!

    CM: ... Narrator, just... no.

    MZZT: Well of all the luck. We have to shut down this machine, and save Geb. But how?

    Ares: Over there! It looks to be some kind of control switch!

    CM: What's it say above the switch?

    MZZT: The Pulger Evil-Sucking Device - For EVIL PIES ONLY

    MZZT: This is it! The pies secretly have evil extracted from Pulger to make them evil! If we shut this machine down, the pies should return to normal!

    Ares: Well, let's get to it!

    Ares, using his unbelievable god-strength, pulls the switch, removing all the evil from the pies. But, a certain someone is still dangling in the balance of life and death!

    Geb: This is your last warning Maevie! You won't win this one!

    Maevie: Please, be quiet dear. I'm trying to listen to my husband's techno! Don't make me cut the cord!

    Geb: Do it, now. I dare you.

    Maevie, not one to break a dare, cuts the cord, and Geb falls to his certain doom. Or does he? WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT POST FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION TO THE EVIL PIE CONUNDRUM!

    (NSP- Didn't see Tracer's post until I posted mine. Thankfully, it didn't interfere. The edit was made to make things fit with his post.)

    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

    [This message has been edited by Cool Matty (edited September 21, 2003).]

  36. #1916
    Following the fluffy incident Jim7 can no longer wait for Ares and Geb and heads off for the HoH

    2 seconds later in Geb's barely used office at the HoH we see Darkside looking through Geb's porn when suddenly Jim7 busts through the doorway

    Darkside: What the?

    Darkside stands up quickly

    Jim7: **** your voice is so annoying

    Darkside screams like a little girl as Jim7 takes out his sword and rams it through Darkside's face and into the wall

    Jim7: now to get to the bottom of this pie business...


    Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  37. #1917
    (Or you could just handle things that way... )

    Fighting for your rights; the Massassi Civil Liberties Union.

  38. #1918

    MZZT: They must be holding Geb in his office! That's the last place we'd look! *rounds the corner*

    MZZT: Uhhh... *quickly turns around and faces Ares and CM before they can enter the office* He'snotherelet'sgolooksomewhereelsek?good *runs off and pulls Ares and CM after him*

    Darkside: DANGIT!!! Just because I'm [almost] immortal doesn't mean I don't feel PAIN!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

    The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction
    NEW! PHP implementation underway!

    [This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited September 22, 2003).]

  39. #1919
    Australia. Desert wind lifts clouds of dust in blazing waves of heat, swirling them about the scorched plains. In the midst of the red heat, a small blue oasis presents a fortress of life against the bleak desolation. Green, leafy, living, surounding a pool of deepest blue -- and all of it an illusion. Not a mirage, but a man-made deception, constructed of plastic and metal; a fakery intended to hide one thing. On the surface of the plastic water, a balding man, not dressed for the environment and not what one would call physically fit, kneels and plucks at an invisible something. The plastic water quivers, and a trapdoor in the centre of the blue surface slides open, revealing a ladder descending into the gloom. The balding man quickly slips down into the opening, and the plastic slides shut once more.

    In the pitch blackness beneath, a white light clicks into being, revealing the stark steel walls of a massive laboratory. The balding man, holding his flashlight, steps away from the ladder, carefully avoiding the decayed skeletons clad in clown suits that litter the floor. He strides purposefully, eyes gleaming in the reflected light of his electric torch. Massive machinery, repleat with coils and pistons and various mechanical things, looms out of the darkness before him. The balding man approaches the machinery, laying a hand upon one of the lower parts, carressing it tenderly. He smiles and breathes in deeply, letting a chuckle of mirth bubble forth.

    Norman -- The First False Evil: "HaHA! My precious devices, you are still here! That buffoon, Ares, and his ridiculous Clown army -- he should never have been allowed to use this place! He could have destroyed it all! But no more, my precious White Plothole Amplifiers! No more!"

    With a joyful cackle, the balding man flicks a switch, and immediately a hum resonates throughout the lab. Lights flicker on, and the gloom is replaced with cold, hard light. Pistons begin to pump, electricity to crackle, and plasma to -- plasmate. The labratory comes to life once more.

    TFFE: "Hahahaha! The power will be mine! I shall not fail again! Never again! Hahahahahaaa!"

    Meanwhile! In the HoH, Geb falls toward a bubbling vat of Evil Pumpkin Pie filling. On a nearby catwalk, Maeve stands gloating, her hands on her hips, laughing at Geb's predicament.

    Geb: "AAAAHHHH!"

    At the last moment, Geb grabs the rail of another catwalk, bringing himself slamming to a halt. He dangles by one arm above certain bubbling Pie-filled doom in an epic, heroic pose.

    Maeve: "Oh, poo. You were supposed to die."

    Geb: "Never!"

    Just as Maeve is about to reply in some evil way, she stops, her eyes wide and staring into space. She stiffens and begins to shake, lifting from the catwalk. The lights in the room seem to dim as whispers of souls beyond the grave whirl about Geb's head. Geb, using Maeve's distraction as an opportunity, pulls himself up onto his catwalk.

    Geb: "Well, this is an unexpected turn of events..."

    After a dramatic pause, the room returns to normal and Maeve falls back down to the catwalk she was on. She rises, and looks around, her eyes glowing strangely. She speaks, and her voice is the sound of a thousand dying souls screaming at once.

    Maeve: "That was highly inconveniant for us! We shall destroy that Jim fellow, when we have time!"

    Geb: "Darkside? What have you done to her?"

    Darkside/Maeve: "Our corporeal host was destroyed! We needed another! And this one is quite attractive..."

    Geb: "She was a friend! You can't just do that!"

    Darkside/Maeve: "Just watch us, mortal. Just watch us."

    Just then, the door on the main floor opens, and Roxelf rushes in. Spying Maeve up on the catwalk, he calls out to her.

    Roxelf: "Maevie! Did you see three or four Heroes rush through here a moment ago?"

    Darkside/Maeve: "The one you know as Maeve no longer inhabits this corporeal shell! Begone, you annoy me!"

    Roxelf: "Nooo! You monster, what have you done?"

    With a careless wave of his hand, Maeve/Darkside blasts Roxelf with black lightning, sending him flying through a wall and out of the room. Just then, the door opens and a familiar bespectacled figure enters the room, on the higher catwalk where Maeve is. Bill Gates walks over to her, holding his hands steepled before him like certain 104-year-old cartoon billionaire.

    Gates: "Ah, Darkside, there you are. Taken a new host, I see. How goes the plan?"

    Darkside/Maeve: "We are almost ready, but the Heroes who are outside of our control are growing bold. We have not much time."

    Gates: "Yes, some of them have entered the HoH. We cannot delay any longer, we must initiate the next phase of the plan."

    Darkside/Maeve: "We are not yet ready! The Heroes we have given pie to may yet retain some measure of Free Will!"

    Gates: "We will have to take that chance! Initiate Plan Phase 3!"

    Darkside/Maeve: "It shall be as you command, master."

    The creature that was once Maeve lifts her hands to the sky, and a low hum fills the room. Geb stands frozen on his catwalk, looking up at the scene above him. As the lights begin to dim once more, and the floor to rumble, Gates looks down and notices Geb, and smiles.

    Gates: "Ah, there you are Gebohq! I would have thought you would have fled long ago!"

    Meanwhile, outside, Antestarr flees through the streets of London, miraculously keeping his bowl of ramen from spilling. He slips his way through heavy pedestrian traffic upsetting businessmen and normal people alike.

    Prince Charles: "Hey! Watch it, buddy!"

    Ante: "Sorry! Fleeing for my ramen, here!"

    Prince Charles looks around in confusion, then his eyes widen. A whole herd of Heroes bears down on his position, trampling everything in their path, pursuing Ante with an evil bent in their expressions.

    Prince Charles: "Oh my!"

    Antestarr turns down an alley with his ramen, just as Prince Charles is run over by the Evil Heroes. He comes sliding to a halt as he realises that the alleyway is a dead end. He turns and faces his pursuers, teeth bared.

    Ante: "You'll never take my ramen alive!"

    Just then, the Evil Heroes stop as if suddenly shocked by a thousand volts of electicity. All of them stiffen and rise into the air, as the alleys dim shadows seem to grow darker. Ante stares at them confusedly as they descend to the ground once more, and speak in unison in a disturbingly familiar voice.

    Cooked Haggis: "We are the Darkside..."

    Maybechild: "We are its shadow..."

    Otter: "Its mirror..."

    Ford: "Its flame..."

    Ante: "Crap. This can't be good."

    Meanwhile, back in the HoH...

    Gebohq: "You'll never succeed, Gates! Villians never do!"

    Gates leans on the catwalk's railing, looking down at Geb.

    Gates: "And who is left to stop me? All those who could be a threat to me are now working for me! They are all possessed by my servant Darkside! My time has come, Gebohq!

    Gebohq: "I'm not finished yet! It'll take a lot more than some pie to stop me!"

    Gates: "Hah! You mean like a fluffy kitten? Or maybe a butterfly? Let's be serious, Geb, you've never been a real threat to me! I realise that now!"

    Gebohq: "I've foiled every one of your evil plots! Why do you think you can succeed now?"

    Gates: "Foiled my plots? You ran away at the first sign of danger! That's all you've ever done! My plans failed because of my overconfidence, and bad luck! Your friends are the ones who did the real work, and they're all mine now! Look to your past, Geb! You've never been a Hero! You've bumbled along and called yourself one, but your actions and your motives have proved otherwise, from the very start!"

    Gebohq: "What do you know about being a Hero? You're the opposite of everything a Hero stands for!"

    Gates: "And who better to know a man than his enemy? You're nothing more than a worm, Gebohq, a coward driven by his fear! Why do you delude yourself? You've never been interested in saving the world from people like me! You've been interested in personal gain and comfort! Even from the very start!"

    Gebohq: "Hey, maybe I came for the doughnuts, but I stayed for the fight! I did what I was hired to do -- save the world!"

    Gates laughs, a cold, chilling laugh, taking a moment to step back and enjoy it. Then he leans forward once more, his face gone deadly calm.

    Gates: "Gebohq, Gebohq, Gebohq. You poor, deluded fool. Tell me, who do you think hired you for that job? Who do you think sent you to what was supposed to be your certain doom in that Arena?"

    Gebohq: "It... it was a letter signed P.H. Some anonymous Good-doer, I guess. What does that have to do with it?"

    Gates: "PH. PH. And that didn't sound familiar? Did it not bring to mind the name of one you've known since childhood? One who hated you more than anything?"

    Gebohq: "It was... no! Impossible!"

    Gates: "Yes, Geb. Pyotr Hussein. Or, as people call me now... William Gates. Yes Geb. It was I who sent you do die at Ares' hands! It was I!"

    Geb: "No! Impossible!"

    Gates: "You are an imposter, Geb! A failure, an insult to the term 'Hero'! You are nothing but a lowly coward!"

    Geb: "I am a Hero! Whatever my past, I know who I am!"

    Gates: "Really, Geb? Then perhaps you won't mind proving this to a skeptical programmer like me! Why don't we have a little fight -- let's see you stand up and not run away!"

    Geb: "Bring it on, nerd-boy!"

    Gates: "Oh-ho, but it is not I you will be fighting! No, no! One of my loyal servants will be doing that! One of my newest, but most dedicated pawns in this game. I think you've met her?"

    Gates produces a small box from his pocket, and presses a button. The door at the end of Geb's catwalk slides open, revealing a female figure waiting there at the end. She steps out into the light, toward Geb...

    Geb: "Losien? Losien! Sister! Don't listen to him! You don't have to do it!"

    Losien: "We are the Darkside. We are its shadow... its mirror... its flame. We have been summoned to feast upon your presence. You will be a part of us... Forever!"

    Losien advances toward Geb, holding a long dagger. On the higher catwalk, Gates throws back his head and cackles joyfully. Geb hesitates, horrified.

    Geb: "Losien! Don't do this! Fight it! I don't want to hurt you, sister!"

    Gates: "She can't hear you, Gebohq! She is Darkside's now! But don't run away, Geb! Or are you afraid to fight your own flesh and blood?"

    Geb stands on the catwalk as Losien advances, his eyes frantic, his heart torn. Slowly, his jaw clenches, and his hand tightens into a fist as he steadies his stance, facing Losien.

    Geb: "I'm sorry, my sister. But I cannot let you be hurt."

    Grabbing the rail of the catwalk, Geb leaps over, falling to the concrete floor below. He lands with a crack, rolling to soften the blow, and scrambles toward the door. On the lower catwalk, Losien looks up to where Gates stands above her, laughing as if he'd just heard the funniest joke in his life. After a moment, Gates wipes the tears from his eyes, and waves at Losien to dismiss her. After a brief glance at the door Geb just escaped through, Gates turns away, and the smile vanishes from his face as if it had never existed.

    [This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited September 23, 2003).]
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  40. #1920

    MZZT, CM, and Ares are running down a hallway, when the lights dim for a moment [like in Krig's post]. This strikes a primal, unknown fear buried deep within their hearts.

    MZZT: Er... maybe it was just a slight power loss?

    CM: Hey guys, ewe should split up again.

    MZZT: What? Power in numbers though!

    CM: What the heck are you talking about, I hate math! That's beside the point... we haven't seen a single Hero... or Hero-turned-Villian... since we got here.

    Ares: He's got a point MZZT.

    MZZT: Hmm... fine, let's split up... but if anything suspicious happens, holler.

    MZZT, Ares, and CM come up to a 3-way split in the corridor, and each take a hallway.

    Ares: Hmm, what's in door #1?

    Ares opens the door and steps into the Pie Manufacturing Plant, which is empty. There is a huge pie machine in one corner of the room, making machinery-type noise.

    Ares: Aha! Here we go! Now all we have to do is find Geb, and then MZZT won't tell about Sugar Dumpling... and then I can maybe even double-cross the little @#$%^&$. Ha!

    Ares strides over to the pie machine... which is quite enormous.

    Ares: Hmm... wow, so many controls... which one will turn it off?

    Ares looks throughtfully at the controls, before a plaque catches his eye... it reads "This is the Pie Machine 3000. It is designed to never be deactivated once it is turned on. Please make sure you are never going to want to turn it off once you activate it."

    Frowning at this, Ares walks around to the back of the machine.

    Ares: Aha!

    Ares unplugs the power cord.

    The entire machine whirrs and dies.

    Ares: There! Now I might be able to blackmail MZZT... I can see it now... "Good job Ares!" "Yeah, I want compensation now, I did more than you asked!" "What? NO!" "I'll tell the Heroes you were low enough to blackmail me!" "But you're..." "Shut up and pay."

    Ares: Ah yes... music to my ears.

    maevie enters the room, with her eyes glowing red.

    Ares: Oh hi maevie. Here to help destroy the pie machine too?

    maevie/darkside: It's been a long time Ares...

    Ares: Eh?

    m/ds: It's been a long time since we fought at the Arena...

    Ares: But maevie, you never...

    m/ds: *throws a ball of pure energy at Ares, causing him to fly up and land on a catwalk with a thud* SILENCE MORTAL. I AM DARKSIDE. I AM IT'S PAST, IT'S PRESENT, AND...

    Ares: *casyally gets up and brushes himself off* Yeah, yeah, heard it already, remember? And please remember I'm not one of these pitiful Heroes. I'm immortal. You never did get that right.

    m/ds: Grr... don't tempt me... *walks toward the stairs leading to the catwalk*

    Ares: *stretches his hand toward the pie machine* Take one more step weird-eyes and I destroy your lovely pie-thing!

    m/ds: *grins, begins to float up the steps.

    Ares: ... bah

    m/ds: It is time to end this once and for all. I couldn't kill you in the Arena, but I will kill you here!

    Ares: ... I'm immortal.

    m/ds: A minor technicality.

    Woah! It's the fight of the century of the week all over again! Will Ares be able to defeat Darkside and destroy the pie machine? Who will find Geb, CM or MZZT? The other will find Bill Gates, what will happen there?!?!? Be sure to tune in next time for...

    Dan, aka me who poses as MZZT on the internet: Ah, shoot time for breakfast...

    The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction
    NEW! PHP implementation underway!

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