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Thread: The Never-ending Story Thread

  1. #441
    Otter: "Hey Maybe, I know who we should pick as the new narrator, but I'll need your help..."

    Otter: "Wow, the Underworld sure was cool!"

    Maybe(smile on face): "Hehe, yeah..--

    Otter:" Maybe, return Morrisson back to Hades this instant!"


    Masemann:"Hey! Yeah."(suspiciously eyes Maybe)

    Geb:"Anyway....who did you pick?"

    Otter:"Well for our narrator Maybe raised from the dead poet, playwright and theatre critic,George Bernard Shaw. And well while we were down there I thought we might as well--(interrupted)

    Bob Hope:"Hey Bing! Bing! Wheres the bar?"

    Otter(rolls his eyes):"Im not Bing! Bings over there."(points to Bing Crosby, who is seranading Losien and Maybe @ the bar)

    Geb:"Uh...Otter? Bob Hope isn't--

    Maybe:"Yeah, yeah we know. We just restored him to his 1945-self."

    Geb:"Oh, ok. But then who is that over there?"

    Jimmy Stewart:"Harvey & I are gonna be on the arena floor. Aren't we Harv?"

    Harvey:" "

    Jimmy Stewart:"HAHAHA....*phew* he, that was real cruel Harv. Hes just kidding Ante, don't worry."

    Ante(muttering to himself):"stupid 6 foot tall rabbit, thinks hes all that..."

    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"
    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"

  2. #442
    Krig gets up from the middle of the street, and brushes the various tire marks off. He looks around for Mr. T, who has gone off to fight crime somewhere. Spying the Arena, Krig headed in.

    Krig:"Hi Jimmy! Hi Harvey!"

    Jimmy:"You -- you can see Harvey?"

    Krig:"Krig see Harvey! You no see Harvey?"

    Jimmy:"Oh, yeah, yeah. Me and Harv are great friends."

    Krig:"Krig friend too."

    Krig and Jimmy and Harvey wander over to the bar, which has been rebuilt on top of the giant rock that crushed the old one. Bing serenades, and Maybe and Losien stare at him with glazed eyes.

    Krig:"Krig think singy man put spell on ladies. Krig must smash now."

    Jimmy:"Oh, don't worry about ol' Bing! Harvey'll take care of him!" *turns to empty seat beside him* "Won't ya Harv?"

    Harvy:" "

    Suddenly, in the middle of his singing, Bing flies up into the air and sails accross the Arena. Maybe and Losien follow dreamily.

    Jimmy:"Now, Harvy, don't you think that was a little bit harsh?"

    Harvy:" "

    Jimmy:"Well, you can't just throw someone around just because you don't like them! Now you go and apologize to Mr. Crosby."

    Harvy:" "

    Hi, I'm George Bernard Shaw. Uh... tune in next time.

    Geb:"WHAT? That's IT? Can't you do better than that??"

    George:"Uh... well, I'm kinda undead... it's really cramping my creative abilities."

    Geb:"Oh, great, if you can't do better than that, YOU'RE FIRED!"


    George stands there for a while.

    George:"Now what am I supposed to do?"

    Geb:"I dunno! I got enough trouble tryin' to find a new narrator!"

    *At the bar*
    Krig:"Who you?"

    George:"I'm but a lowly poet."

    Jimmy:"Uh, Mr. Shaw, you're sitting on Harvey..."

    Great people talk about Ideas
    Average people talk about Things
    Small people talk about other people

    Member of the Rebellion agains AC
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  3. #443
    Geb: "Whaddya say we call it quits?"

    Los: "You mean..end the game..without ending it?"

    Geb: "Uh..yeah..that's what I mean."

    Los: "But we've made it this far.."

    Geb: "What do you mean? We're still at the beginning."

    Los: "Well, usually I wouldn't do something like this, but I'll make an exception"

    Geb: "We can always find something else to do."

    Los: "Like what?"

    Geb: "I don't know,"

    Los: "How about.."

    Geb: "Why don't we go see what everyone else is up to, and we can decide later."

    Los: "Sounds good to me."

    (NSP: Hey...sorry this is so short..I couldn't think of much to write..still having writer's block. :-) I'll try and think of something later..once again, sorry my posts are always so stupid!)
    When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirtgun and shoot other people in the eyes.

  4. #444
    (NSP: I think we're all in writer's block. Well, I am anywas *oh no, not Geb! Who can save the day now?* I hope I cna think of something, but if I can't, and if anybody else can't, I've had hte perfect "ending" to our story. Let's hope I won't have to use it yet though)
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  5. #445
    (NSP: Hey, guys! We're only 26 posts behind SOD! YEAH! Well now we're only 25! WOOHOO! We need to keep it up, just a little bit longer. Just so we can beat them, they can take our land, but they can never take our FREEDOM! sorry, I thought I was William Wallace for a second there...)

    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"
    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"

  6. #446
    (NSP:'re not the only one with writer's'm with you! :-) It's not really that cool is it?! feel really stupid whenever I write something because it's..really stupid. So..we're only..umm..24 posts behind SOD now..right?! That's great..:-) Keep posting everyone! LOL)
    When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirtgun and shoot other people in the eyes.

  7. #447
    B. U. M. P.

    (Benevolent Upward Mobility Post)


    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

    [This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited August 13, 2000).]
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  8. #448
    Krig and Jimmy Stewart and George Bernard Shaw are sitting at the bar, with a bunch of other not-so-dead famous guys. Geb and Losien are just getting up from their Candyland marathon, their joints crackling and popping like Rice Krispies. Everybody else is sitting or standing around, staring vacantly into space.

    Harvy:" "

    Krig:"Krig think space-time have multiple fluxes, as opposed to the traditional one."

    Harvy:" "


    Harvy:" "

    Jimmy Stewart:"Aw, Harvy, that wasn't very nice!"

    As arguing between Krig and Harvy breaks out, Otter suddenly stops his vacant staring into space and looks at the ground.

    Otter:"Uh, guys, the ground is shaking..."

    Geb:"Oh, it's just an earthquake. They happen all the time."

    Suddenly the shaking grows more violent. Krig's beer shakes and bounces it's way to the edge of the counter, and falls off. Everybody's conversation stops, and they all look around at each other, confused by the shaking earth.

    Losien:"Eek! The ground is cracking!"

    A huge crack has appeared between Losien's feet. Geb pulls her away as the crack becomes wider, getting to be three inches wide and five feet long.

    Everybody:"I've got a bad feeling about this..."

    Suddenly, the earth erupts into a bast of flying rock and dust. Everyone who was near the crack in the ground goes flying twenty feet or more. As the dust clears, Darkside, standing a full twenty feet tall, slowly rises up from the depths of the earth. When he speaks, his voice sounds like the screaming of a thousand voices, and the rumble of a distant waterfall.

    Darkside:"You have angered us enough! You shall all perish!"

    Darkside casts his massive arms downward, and a shockwave travels through the earth, spreading outwards from the manifestation of evil. Geb, Losien, Otter, Ante, Sem, Maybe, and Homer Simpson turn and run like heck, diving behind the bar. Unfortunately, the others aren't so lucky, and are thrown up and out of the Arena by the force of the shockwave. As he flies upwards, Bob Hope is grabbed out of the air by Darkside. Everybody turns their head and closes their eyes, and they hear a very loud crunch.

    Geb:"And we were wishing something would happen..."

    Yes, it is I, the beloved Narrator! I have returned to narrate this story because I couldn't bear to see it ruined by pathetic replacements. Tune in next week to see if I actually keep my job this time!

    Great people talk about Ideas
    Average people talk about Things
    Small people talk about other people

    Member of the Rebellion agains AC
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  9. #449
    (Behind the bar)

    Los: (whispers) "Geb, is it safe?"

    Geb: (whispers back) "I don't know, why don't you check."

    Los: "I'm not checking. Are you crazy?"

    Geb: "Fine, I'll check. Wait. Hey Otter, why don't you check to see if it's safe for us to get out from behind here. It's awfully crowded."

    Otter: "What? Why me?"

    Los: "Because Geb's too scared. (quietly laughs)"

    Geb: "Am not! You are."

    Los: "No I'm not, you are."

    Geb: "You are!"

    Otter: "Come on, come on. Settle down you two. It's not that bad back here. I'll check though, for your sake."

    Los: "Thank you Otter. You're such a gentleman..unlike some people I know. (eyes Geb)"

    Geb: (sighs) "Make me look like a dork, go ahead."

    Los: "I would never intentionally mean to do that. You're a great brother. There's no possibility whatsoever, of you ever looking like a dork, except when you're around me."

    Geb: "You mean..all that time we were playing Candyland..I looked like a dork?"

    Los: (sighs) "You'll never understand."

    Otter: "Coast is clear. I don't know where Darkside could have gone, but he's not here. It's safe to come out."

    Geb: "That's a relief. I thought for a moment we'd be stuck there forever."

    Los: "Why would that happen?"

    Geb: "Well..never mind. You'll never understand."

    Otter: "Why don't we all go out to eat?"

    Los: "Sounds fun..I'm for it!"

    Geb: "I'm not really hungry."

    Otter: "Anyone else?"

    Everyone else: "Nope, not hungry."

    Otter: "Looks like it's just you and me, Los."

    Los: "Yeah, guess so. Oh well.snaps fingers)..Darn!"

    (Los and Otter walk out of the bar.)

    Otter: "So, where are we going to go?"

    Los: "I don't really care. It's up to you."

    Otter: "OK, about White Castle?"

    Los: "White Castle? I've never heard of it...but if you like must be great."

    Otter: "So..White Castle it is!"

    (At White Castle)

    Los: "So, what are you going to order?"

    Otter: "Well, they have these hamburgers that are really small, and you can eat them in a bite or two. That's what I'm getting."

    Los: "I'll try that too. Since I've never been here, I don't know what's I'll take advice from you."

    Waiter: "Hello, welcome to Castle Burger..what can I get for you?"

    Otter: "Well, I'll get 7 castle burgers..and a chocolate milkshake."

    Waiter: "Ok, and for you?"

    Los: "I'll get 5 castle burgers..and a vanilla milkshake please. Oh yes, and may I have the castle burgers plain..with nothing on them?"

    Waiter: "Yes, that's fine. I'll have your food in a moment."

    (Waiter walks away)

    Los: "Wow, this is a great place."

    Otter: "I thought you'd like it. Maybe we should come here more often."

    Los: "I think I would like that."

    Otter: "Me too."


    Waiter: "Here's your food. Enjoy!"

    Otter: "Thank you Sir, we will."

    Los: (sighs)

    Otter: "What's wrong?"

    Los: "Oh, nothing. Nothing at all."

    Otter: "Are you sure?"

    Los: "Yeah, I've just been so busy, I haven't even gotten to know you..and you're already so nice to me."

    Otter: "Well, I'm nice to everyone, but I'm glad we're getting to have this time together, to get to know more about each other."

    Los: "Me too."


    Otter: "So, how long are you planning to stay here?"

    Los: "Well, I was going to go back home, but I'm beginning to like it here. Besides, this is where Geb is, and it's nice hanging out with my brother once in a while."

    Otter: "I'm sure it is. He's a great guy. He's lucky to have a great sister."

    Los: (blushes) "I wouldn't quite say that."

    Otter: "What do you mean? You're a great girl."

    Los: (speechless) "No one's ever told me that before."

    Otter: "Well, you are."

    Los: "Thank you. You're an unbelievable guy."

    Otter: "No one's ever said that to me either."

    Los: "Well, you are."

    Otter: "Thank you."

    Los: "I don't know if you noticed, but was that just a very repetitive part of the conversation?"

    Otter: (laughs) "I guess it was. How's your food."

    Los: (looks at her plate of untouched food) "Umm..guess I kind of got too much into the conversation, I haven't even started eating."

    Otter: "Well, come on. Take a bite."

    Los: (feels awkward eating in front of Otter and takes a bite) "Mmmm, that's really good. I've never been much of a hamburger eater, but this is great."

    Otter: "I'm glad you like it."

    (Los gets caught up, once again, gazing at Otter's "oh-so-perfect" smile)

    (NSP: Well, there, I actually wrote some stuff, even though it's not that least it's a post..right? Right! LOL.)

    [This message has been edited by Losien (edited August 14, 2000).]
    When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirtgun and shoot other people in the eyes.

  10. #450
    Darkside: "hmm..... cowards."
    Darkside begins to wander the arena, surveying the damage. In one spot a cable has come out of the ground, aparently one of the ones that fed the story offices. Darkside leaned down and grabbed the wire to examine it.
    Darkside: "Hmmmmmoughk!"
    Darkside had touched one of the wires leading to Sem the writer's computer. Darkside made a boo-boo. Darkside now had to find a new body to inhabit, because his old one was... out of service.
    Geb: "Holy mother of a flying carp!"
    Maybe: "Is there anything left?"
    Krig: "Krig think nobody ought to touch that wire anymore."
    Sem, smugly: "hehehe yeah.....ougheth!"
    Darkside had chosen Sem's body to inhabit now.

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  11. #451
    (walking out of White Castle)

    Otter: "Well, I had fun."

    Los: "Me too."

    Otter: "We should get together again sometime and do something different. Do you like bowling?"

    Los: "I love bowling! I haven't been in so long though. That would be a lot of fun."

    Otter: "Ok, how about tomorrow?"

    Los: (thinks to herself) "Tomorrow is great. I have nothing else planned."

    Otter: "OK, great. I'll pick you up at 3:00 PM."

    Los: "OK."

    Otter: "So now where to?"

    Los: "Well, I don't really have anything to do."

    Otter: "Me either. Would you like to come over? We could play a game or something. Anything but Candyland."

    Los: (laughs) "OK..sounds like fun."

    (At Otter's House)

    Otter: "Have a seat. Make yourself at home."

    Los: "Yes..ok."

    Otter: "Would you like something to drink?"

    Los: " I'm fine."

    Otter: "Are you sure?"

    Los: "Yes."

    (Otter walks into another room and comes out with a few different board games)

    Otter: "Well, we have 'Trouble', 'Life', and 'Battleship'. Which would you like to play?"

    Los: "I think we should play 'Life'"

    Otter: "OK, sounds like fun."

    (NSP: I have to go to work now, so I can't type well. :-))
    When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirtgun and shoot other people in the eyes.

  12. #452
    Krig, Sem, Ante, Geb, and Maybe are the only ones in the Arena, the others having all either run for their lives or gone to eat at some fancy restaurant.

    Krig:"Krig hungry. Krig think Krig go eat."

    Sem, with evil smile:"Yessss, we shall eat."

    Geb:"Hey, what's up with you, Sem?"

    Sem:"Oh,nothing, nothing at all!"

    Geb:"Oh. Ok."

    They all trudge back over to the bar. They find that the bar has been all but decimated, the only thing left being two walls and a big puddle of alcoholic beverages.

    Krig, with twitching eyes:"Somebody pay for this. Krig make them pay."

    Geb:"Don't look at me, I'm broke!"


    Krig:"What so funny?"

    Sem, with evil grin:"Nothing, nothing at all!"

    Maybe:"I'm hungry too. Lets all go get something to eat. I know a good restaurant!"

    Everybody turns to leave the Arena. Just as they get outside, Geb turns around.

    Geb:"Hey, where's Ante?"

    Sem:"Don't look at me! I don't know! I [b]didn't[/i] banish him to another dimension, I tell you!"


    Sem:"Look, just because I was the last one to see him doesn't mean that I did anything!"

    Geb:"Sounds logical. Let's go get something to eat."

    The troupe leaves the arena, going to a local McDonalds. As they walk (single file to hide their numbers), Sem, in the back, cackles evilly.
    * * *
    Meanwhile, in another dimension...

    Ante:"This is odd... everything is... strange..."

    Ante the writer walks down the street.

    Ante:"Egads! I'm in the writer's universe!"

    Ante the writer:"Egads! That story I was helping to write has come to life! I really must stop drinking Vodka for breakfast!"

    What could happen now? Will Semievil, controlled by Darkside, take out our beloved heroes one by one? Could this be the beginning of some type of horrible "Planet of the Horses"? In this announcers opinion, almost certainly yes!

    Great people talk about Ideas
    Average people talk about Things
    Small people talk about other people

    Member of the Rebellion agains AC
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  13. #453
    (NSP: If you all only knew what happened last time Darkside tried to posess someone's body, hehe. Well, I'm back *yay*, so lemme give the story another crack at it.)

    *The director stomps up to the "cast" of the Neverending Story thread, waving his arms madly about, screaming incoherently until he reached close enough to them.*

    Director: ...and look at this mess! You know how expensive it's gonna be to clean all this up? And how far behind schedule we'll be when we're done? You all should have known better than to look bored in teh arena, because that was Darkside's cue to burst from the ground. Do you even look at hte scripts?

    Geb: Scripts? What's a script?

    Krig: Krig think funny hat man needs a stiff drink.

    Ante: Yeah, and a little something else too *moves his fist up and down*

    Geb: *ignoring crude coment Ante made, as did everyone else* Somehow I think we were left out of the loop that Darkside was actually following a script. I mean...wel...well it's not our fault.

    Director: *sigh* jsut get out of here for the night. It'll be fixed by teh morning.

    Maybe: Yeha, but what then?

    Director: *flips through his script, which looks noticably blank, then looks at htem and promptly shuts it* You all should know! I shouldn't have to waste my time making you rememorizing your parts?

    Geb: *wispering to ANte* riiiiight

    Director: So jsut get outta here. Go to the fair or something.

    *The group then heads out to teh local carnival, meeting up with theOtter and Losien somewhere in between.*

    *Insert serious romantic part between Otter and Losien in teh tunnel of love seen in almost all comedies.*

    *The posessed Sem meanwhile goes into the funhouse with Geb and Maybe. Sem reaches the mirror room and hisses at his own images. Geb and Maybe give him strange looks, shrug, and go on.*

    *Ante meanwhile takes a futile attempt to try and win at a rigged "throw teh balls at hte stacked bottles game*

    (OK, someone else can elaborate more on the fair, and then I'll try and think of something to keep us going for 3 pages? hehe)
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  14. #454
    (NSP: Please..please..please..forgive me for the last few posts..I didn't mean to go off like that..I really didn't. I'm really really sorry. )

    [This message has been edited by Losien (edited August 17, 2000).]
    When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirtgun and shoot other people in the eyes.

  15. #455
    Krig stood in the twisting maze of mirrors in the Fun House. Having gotten himself seperated from the others, Krig whined and cast his eyes about like a caged animal. All around him were twisted and warped copies of himself, some type of insane dopplegangers Krig thought. There was an extremely tall, skinny Krig, a one foot tall midget Krig, a fat Krig, a loopy, upside down Krig, and a tall, muscular Krig.

    Krig glared at them, his left eye twitching furiously. Krig noticed that his doubles' eyes were twitching as well. Krig hunched down, backing away. His doubles, apparently frightened by this unexpected move, also backed away.

    Dung-pile! Krig thought.I must get away! They have me surrounded!

    Krig straightened up, gripped his axe tighter, and strode forward. In a surprise move, the dopplegangers closed in, tightening the circle! Krig spun, hoping to catch one off guard, but no matter how fast he turned, they always seemed to be staring right at him, ready for any move he made! Krig glanced around desperately, hoping to find a hole in their defences!

    Alright, Krig made up his mind. The next one to step towards me gets it!

    Krig, beckoning:"Come get Krig!"

    Krig's resolved dropped as he noticed that each one of the twisted replicas was motioning him forward, in perfect unison. Krig clutched his war-axe tighter.

    Just then, a small girl skipped in, followed by several huge monsters bearing a slight similarity to her, and moving in unison with her.

    Krig:"LOOK OUT!"

    Krig dove at the child, heroicly ignoring his attackers and smashing her out of harms way. Krig noticed that, as he saved the girl, his replicas lunged together at the little girl's replicas, knocking them to the ground.

    Krig lept to his feet, the kid over his shoulder. He made a headlong dash to the outside, but the dopplegangers were unbelievably fast! Finally, Krig burst into the sunlight, throwing the child to safety. The dopplegangers stood at the doorway, as if restrained by an invisible sheild. Krig scrambled to his feet and walked away triumphantly, as his twisted likenesses dissapeared into the darkness of the Fun House of Horror.

    Mwa ha ha ha haaa!! I shall take over the... I mean, tune in next time for more exciting action or whatever, on Never Ending Stoooooooooryyyyyyyyyyyy....

    Great people talk about Ideas
    Average people talk about Things
    Small people talk about other people

    Member of the Rebellion agains AC
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  16. #456
    B. U. M. P.

    (Benevolent Upward Mobility Post)

    Come on guys! You can't be THAT out of ideas....... can you?

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  17. #457
    (NSP: Well, I'm out of ideas..and I'm taking a break...until I can think of something "funny" to I don't ruin the story once
    When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirtgun and shoot other people in the eyes.

  18. #458
    (NSP: Whoops, soh-ree. I keep saying I'm gonna post to myself, then work comes along. Bleh. So I'm on it now, kinda...)

    *Back at the fair, the fighters regroup at hte merry-go-round and decide to stick together, seeing how some, like Krig, have encountered evils in this place, and figured they'd survive longer if they were together. Feeling a wind of rightousness in him, Gebohq decides that the group should find the evil that is plagueing this fair and keep it from speading further.*

    *(deep intake of breathe) So Gebohq, Antestarr, Otter, Losien, Maybechild, Semievil (still possessed), Krig, Ares (who jsut got there), Morris the Cat, and an army of Scots (deep release of breathe), journey into the darker realms of the fair(who did I forget now?). And they all walk right into Gebohq, similar to RPG games. Economy size pockets really help carry people when you need it *

    *They find themselves in an old janitor's shack, with only a TV showing static. While teh others were examining the room, tehOtter touched the screen of the TV, only to find his hand went right trough it! He told the others about it, and, deciding that the evil must lurk in there (the big signs pointing at the TV that said "Evil presence of hte fair, in here" helped too). Each of them climbed into the 20" TV, Morris having the most difficulty. An evil laughter eminated from nowhere as the last oen entered in.*

    *In a predictable fashion, the fighters find themselves in a snow-bound wasteland, with a storm that reflected the static on the TV. The party stood dumbfounded as to what to do next, when Semievil's eyes rolled back, went into convusions, and flopped on to teh ground. The snow around him swirled into a human form, growing darker as it did. They recognized it as the Darkside.*

    *The Darkside uncharacteristically whistled for someone, and before them they saw another figure walk up. The figure looked like a man with long black hair, tight black pants and boots, and a "wifebeater" (white T-shirt) under his black leather shirt. The person resembled your typical spouse abuser, terrorist bomber, or Marylin Manson. No, it wasn't Wolf. It was "they".*

    "We're so glad you could join us, our friends," they began to say. They then began to randomly laugh maniaclly. They continued on.

    "And we see the Darkside came along for teh ride too. Oh, how rude of us, we're not sure if we introduced ourself to your friends here. We are "they", and where as our dark friend here is the combined evils of all in hte fantasy world, I'm all the evils of teh "real world": TV, video games, big coorperations, "society", etc. etc. etc...."

    "Man, another guy with too many voices in his head," Geb wispered to Maybe.

    "Well, lets' continue with the fun, shall we?" they asked rhetorically. And with a snap of their fingers, the scenery changed. They found themselves on the Spice channel, and oddly enough, the movie being played was a comedy. Alligator strippers surrounded them amongst human ones, and they were inside a bar, with a contraption to the side to measure your "hooterage". All except Maybechild and Losien found tehmselves gaping with their mouths wide open.

    "Oh yeah.." the guys said in unison. They began to go out and enjoy themselves. Maybechild and Losien stood there in disgust.

    "Oh come on," "they" said. "Didn't you ever want to try being a lesbian?"

    "NO!" the two of them said. Then Maybechild said to Losien "We must find a way to stop this evil, or at least change the channel."

    Will Maybechild and Losien be able to stop this sexual temptation on the male fighters? er, *ahem* jsut remember girls, teh Spice channel is a Pay-per-view channel, and remember who's paying our bills...

    (NSP: And remember, teh Arena has it's own Pay-per-view channel, so we can "return" to that anytime we want. Hope you liked the new things I've opened up here.)
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  19. #459
    Maybe the writer: "eough! God! someone gimme the remote!"
    The writers are all circled around the TV, watching thier charachters with err..... mixed emotions.
    Suddenly back in the story the strip club disappears and Los and the Otter are suddenly kissing in a secluded garden. The respective writers reel from this image and both attck the remote. Having changed the channel Los the writer downs a bottle of rubbing alcohol and Otter the writer beats himself over the head. The garden disappears and a talk-show like set appears, with Geb standing centerstage over Maybe who is lying on the floor in a well-corioghraphed siezure.
    Geb: "Now all you non-belivers out there, BEHOLD the might and power of the LORD in the salvation of this poor child!"
    Suddenly Ares transcends out of the story and walks in on the writers. He changes the channel and then crushes the remote in his hands as he re-enters the story.
    TV: "The History Channel now returns to The Revolution-Lexington......"
    Ares, sitting back from the battlefield, enjoying the spectacle: "I love this channel"
    Geb, in the militia: "Did that announcer say Lexington? I think we loose this one. (to others) RUN AWAY!!!!!"
    Sem, in the Brittish regular army: "Time to die militia men!"
    Sem charges, even though everyone else is still waiting for the first shot to be fired.
    Maybe: "eep! he's slipping! He thinks it's real!"
    Los: "Not just that, he's gonna kill us! Somebody up there change the channel!"
    All writers in unison, looking at the pile of remote control bits: "Fuq"

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

    [This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited August 24, 2000).]
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  20. #460
    (NSP: I wish I could think of something to post..or let alone..find more time to post something..I've been pretty busy working lately. School starts on Monday..yeah! LOL...and that means probably even less time..but I'm still thinking of something to post..trying to think of something funny..I need some kind of "magic potion" that will make whatever I write..sometime funny. Know where I can get some? Me either. Well..ok..I really liked the last 2 posts..nice way to set the direction of the story Geb. :-)
    When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirtgun and shoot other people in the eyes.

  21. #461
    (NSP) Los, try just walking into a room, spinning around in circles until you fall down and then looking around. Then try to work whatever you see first into the story. That should get you started. It's also probably why I never post about anything breakable j/k..... but try it, if nothing else you'll feel better because that wierd feeling of being dizzy and lying down at the same time is fun ;-)

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  22. #462
    (NSP: Well..I'm afraid if I was to spin around in my room, for one..I would probably puke..and for two..well..if I was to "fall down" (like you said to do) I'd injure my knee even more..and then I'd probably be "crippled" for the rest of my life! might increase the jaw pain I'm feeling right now...and who knows what else would happen. :-) about..I walk into a room..and "slowly turn around"? It would be a lot safer..but would it still have the same effect? Well, for now..I don't feel like doing that...but I'll try it..tomorrow.if my stomach feels up to it) I guess I'll let you know if it works! Thanks for trying to help me's so nice to know that people care..LOL."Tune in tomorrow for..umm..for the "results" of 'Trying to get me (Kim) post better'" I should go!)
    When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirtgun and shoot other people in the eyes.

  23. #463
    (nsp) 1/2 of it is getting dizzy, so make sure you turn around fast enough to loose some of your balance. For example, I am now looking at a red-eyed rubber model of an arctic hare. In a normal state of mind (laugh) I might pay it no heed. However if I were dizzy enough I might realize prehaps it was a spy from the evil bunny-aliens behind the deployment of the all-terrain multiplication table transports (rabbit walkers) that was sent to the post to raise an army of like-minded bunnies and kill Krig! Look at it overthere. Hunched over with that little smug nose and loose, floppy ears! There ought to be laws to protect storywriters from that kind of vermin rodent scum. Him and his companion volume to the Dead Sea Psalms Scroll make me sick!............ or something like that..... now I'm going to lie down because I'm about to fall over.

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  24. #464
    As Sem charged, eyes wide with battle-fury, roaring at each and every moving thing he saw, he drew the mighty..... "Bent-Tipped Samuri Sword of Negativity".....

    And suddenly the scene freezes and the camera angle sweeps 180degrees so that you can see Geb's holy paladin sword, the "Sword of the Extrordinary Whoop-*** " suspended directly above Sem. As the action unfolds the sword drives itself into Sem's back, knocking him to the ground, and mortally wounding him. In the same instant the first shot is fired and the negativity sword is knocked from Sem's hand. As it falls, "they" Swoop out of nowhere, grab it, and disappear with thier dark trophy, giggling in a sweet, childish innocent way, that could only mean one thing, they had spoken to Farr.......
    Geb walked over to Sem's body, saying: "Fear not, brave friend, you shall not have been killed in vain!"
    Sem retorted: "I'm not dead yet!"
    And then Gebohq took up his sword, and
    <Due to some violent content, this portion of the story has been revised>
    Farr: "This is the only weapon which may be used against the "Bent-Tipped Samuri Sword of Negativity"......"
    Geb: "I thought that whoopass sword did a pretty good job of killing Se...."
    Farr, interrupting: "Shut up! I order you to be quiet! Now leave this place!"
    Geb, exiting Farr's little hermit tent with the rubber duckie crest on top, Geb briefs the others on what he has just been told.
    Maybe "we have to use the WHAT!?!?"
    Geb: "We must somehow use the "Super-econo-sized Fruit Cocktail of Hope" to defeat "they"..... I know..... I had the same thought..... but it is the only weapon that can fight back against the "Bent-Tipped Samuri Sword of Negativity".... why, I dunno, it just is, and I wasn't gonna argue with Farr....

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  25. #465
    *Back at the Massassi Writer's office, the editor, long not seen, decides to catch up on what has happened in the past 2 pages.*

    Editor: So they're all now stuck in TV land?

    Otter: Well, actually, they're on teh History Channel right now--

    Editor: Not that TV Land! Sheesh.

    *The editor watches the previous post/scene, nodding his head*

    Editor: Good job men... *looks at Maybechild teh writer, whose giving him a cold stare* er..and ladies. Say, I see we have a new writer!

    Losien: Well, I'm not that new sir...

    Editor: details details, do you have your own character?

    Los: Well, yeah, but she isn't that great, jsut like me...

    Editor: (to Geb) What kind of character is she?

    Geb: She's what we call our "serious relief". We had to get one at some point, or else the funny parts wouldn't show nearly as much.

    Editor: umm...right. Anywhos, I like the new bad guy too. "They"? Yeah, it's all creepy and such. Sure to win big ratings, seeing that he looks exactly like all those bad people in the movies, yet not bad looking enough to distress the mothers and get us sued. And hey, is anybody gonan change the channel anytime soon?

    Ante: But-but there's no remote!

    Editor: Your such a lazy @$$.

    *The editor then gets up and changes the channel "manually" to PBS (public broadcasting system for those of you that don't know).*
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  26. #466
    *As the crew are being transported to the next channel they fuzz out of the historic battle and into PBS*

    Maybe:"Uggh...where are we?"

    PBS Narrator:"Hello, and welcome back viewers to our week-long devotion to the 'History of Glassblowing'."

    Otter, Geb, Ante, & Maybe:" WOOHOO!"

    PBS Narrator:"May I again remind you viewers that this has nothing to do w/ manufacturing smoking devices..."

    Otter, Geb, Ante, & Maybe:"awwww.."

    PBS Narrator:"...And now for punishment for having a dirty mind I will turn you all into Tote bags!"

    Geb:"WOOHO-- (everyone else stares @ Geb) I mean 'BOO!'"

    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"
    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"

  27. #467
    Losien: "(Yawns) Geez..Where am I?"

    Geb: "Hey Sis..nice to see you're back."

    Losien: "Yeah.looks around confused) How long have I been away?"

    Geb: "Well, not too long, but it seems like forever."

    Losien: "Tell me about it."

    Geb: "Well, it's only been about a week...but that seems like forever around here...I mean..with no one else around..and nothing interesting has happened in forever!"

    Losien: (sighs) "Yeah, it feels good to be back. I guess, well, a lot has changed."

    Geb: " that you're back...I wanted to tell you a joke. Care to hear it?"

    Losien: "Sure..why not?!"

    Geb: "Ok, guys walked into a bar, and the third guy ducked."

    Losien: "Ducked like.."quacked"?

    Geb: "What?"

    Losien: "I don't understand it."

    Geb: "Don't understand what?"

    Losien: "Why he ducke..feels stupid)...riiigght! LOL. Nevermind."

    Geb: "Hmm..I'd say that writer's block has killed quite a few brain cells of yours."

    Losien: (jokingly) "What's a brain cell?"

    Geb: "Los, Los, Los...what am I going to do with you?"

    Losien: "Hey..ok..I have a joke. What do you get when you cross a dog, a car, and a..umm..a bird?"

    Geb: "I don't know, I give up!"

    Los: "A flying carpet!"

    Geb: "Oh..ha ha(sarcastically)"

    Los: "No..look! A flying carpet!"

    Geb: (turns around slowly and looks in the direction Los is pointing) "Wow..what are we waiting for?"

    Los: "I don't know, let's go!"

    (On the Flying Carpet)

    Los: "Now what do we do?"

    Geb: "I don't does this thing work?"

    Los: "Don't look at me! How should I know?!"

    Geb: "Maybe it has some directions or something on the bottom. Let's see."

    (Geb and Los lift up the carpet, and look on the bottom and see a picture of Barney.)

    Geb: "Woah..what's with the Barney picture?"

    Los: "I don't know. Hey, look at the small fine print..reading fine print) In order to ride on the flying carpet, all passengers must continually sing the Barney theme song.."I Love You"

    Geb: "What? That's insane! That's crazy. Don't expect to see me on that carpet. I'm not going to make myself look like an idiot!"

    Los: "Come on Geb! It'll be fun."

    Geb: "Well, maybe just for a little while...since no one else is around, but the minute I see someone..I'm off!"

    Los: "Yeah, yeah yeah..whatever. (laughs) Come on!"

    (Geb reluctantly gets on the flying carpet)

    Geb: "This is embarrassing to say, but I actually know this song."

    Los: " too."

    Geb: "So, you lead it off."

    Los: "(sighs) Fine."

    Geb: "OK."

    Los: "I love you.Geb joins in and the carpet begins to rise)

    Geb and Los: "We're a happy family..with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you..won't..."

    (Interrupted by the sound of an opening door)

    Geb: " (Geb stops singing) No!"

    Los: " say you love meeeee...ahhh!"

    (Geb and Los slowly make their way to the ground)

    Los: "Oww. Geb! Why'd you stop singing?"

    Geb: "Someone opened the door.."

    (Geb and Los look realizing it was blown open by the wind)

    Los: "(sigh) Well, we were going for a little while. It was ok."

    Geb: "Yeah. Sorry.laughs)"

    Los: "So, why don't we go to Toys 'R' Us or we don't have to feel like we're growing up. How about Peter Pan Land?"

    Geb: "Umm..sure...just, hold on."

    (I have no idea what to write right now. I just really hope the writer's block thing isnt' coming back. Sorry I haven't posted in so long! Hope you all forgive me!)

    When life hands you lemons, squeeze the juice into a squirtgun and shoot other people in the eyes.

  28. #468
    PBS narrator: And where do you think you're going, Mister?

    Los: (finding out she was put on hold) Here, tell me when they get back (gives phone to PBS guy)

    PBS narrator: uhh...o-k...

    *As Geb and Los try to sneak away, however, the PBS narrator catches onto the trap he was put in, and turns to teh two of them*

    PBS: You have made me most unhappy! I shall destroy you now!

    Los: Why are all these guys agaisnt us?

    Geb: Because if they weren't, Barney would be.

    *Losien shudders at the idea. The PBS narrator catches upt o them and traps them in a corner.*

    PBS narrator: *in Darth Vader style*I have you now...

    *But just in teh nick of time teh neverendign story thread's narrator steps in!*

    Step back, you fiend! For I am teh NARRATOR!

    *And there was much rejoicing*

    PBS narraotr: NEVER!

    *The audience sees Gebohq and Losien looking at them, were we assume the narrator always stand. The audience could then hear a street fight starting between the two, and Geb and Los decide to head off while they can.*

    *Meanwhile, in teh search for the Holy Remote (which they hope will let them out of the TV), teh Otter searches in Mr Roger's Neighborhood.*

    Otter: Hmm...maybe it's in here....

    *As the Otter looks into teh train tunnel, the toy train drives by, and collides with theOtter's head. In a cartoon fashion, teh train squishes tehOtter into the hole, to a very foreign land.*

    *While Maybechild, Krig, and the others search in the land of Reading Rainbow, Antestarr and Morris the Cat find themselves in teh scarriest place of all: Barney's playground...bee-dee-bee-dee, bee-dee-bee-dee...*

    Will Antestarr and Krig face *pow!* danger? Will Maybechild and-*wham!* gang up their experience reading? What will *whiff!* tehOtter encounter, and where will Gebohq and Losien turn up? And will anybody help me fight this guy? Tune in to teh Neverending Story Thread! *pow!*
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  29. #469
    Krig the Viking and Maybechild trek through Reading Rainbow land.

    Maybe:"Didn't this show get canceled a long time ago?"

    Krig:"Reruns. Ugh."

    Just then, the entire scene changed, and they were in a giant McDonalds.

    Maybe:"Oh, no, the bane of all television... the McDonald's Commercial!"

    Krig:"Krig think this work of "they"."

    The scene starts rapidly flashing, to a giant burger, to the golden arches, to the Backstreet Boys, to the golden arches, to the Olympics, to the golden arches, to the...

    Krig:"Krig head hurt. Krig not like. Krig getting angry."

    Will Krig get angry? *whack* What will happen to the others? Will they... hey, you, come back here! *whack crunch bam smash pause-180-sweep-unpause thud thud thud thud BOOM!* And the Narrator reigns supreme! Tune in next time to see what he does with the PBS narrator's bloody carcass!

    Oft evil will does evil mar.
    Member of the Rebellion agains AC
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  30. #470
    (Benevolent Upward Mobility Post)!
    it fell off the last 5 days list =_(

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  31. #471
    Highemperor is watching TV in his living room when he sees everyone trapped inside! He flips frantically through the channels, hoping to find the Holy Remote which will free them.

    Suddenly he finds the Holy Remote. He shouts at the TV: "The Holy Remote is in HBO... and 'Star Wars: A New Hope' is playing!


    Suddenly, in TV land, Gehboq and the others hear a rumbling noise like thunder.

    Krig: Is that... is that... you know... God?

    Voice: The Holy Remote is on HBO, and "Star Wars: A New Hope" is playing.........

    Gebohq: Nah, that's just some buffoon watching the TV who's trying to help us.

    Voice: I am NOT a buffoon....

    The people trek through TV World to HBO...

    The metaphysical nature of this energy field commonly known as "the Force" is such that it is galactically pervasive, but the potential of becoming omnipervasive, or even modopotent.
    Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

  32. #472
    Krig and the other, more insignifigant people look around. They were all in a high tech, futuristic looking hallway.

    Maybe:"Well, this is either the Death Star or the Millenium Falcon."

    Geb:"You cannot tell the difference! You are not worthy to be called a Star Wars fan!!"

    Maybe:"I do too know the difference! It's just that this particular hallway was never shown in the movie!"

    Geb:"Oh, come on, can't you tell by the type of architecture?"

    Losien:"I'm just wondering how we got here..."

    Suddenly, the entire hallway shook, and sparks flew from the walls.

    Sem:"Hahahaha!! Carnage! I live for carnage!! ... I mean, crap! What was that?"

    Krig looks around the corner and sees Luke
    Skywalker dissapearing into a tube-way, that leads to the guns.

    Geb peeks around the corner for two seconds, and turns to the others.

    Geb:"I know exactly where we are in the movie, down to the microsecond. Now, we have to be careful. We don't want to mess up the greatest movie of all time."


    Geb:"What we do may have serious repercussions on the outcome of the movie! Nobody say anything to anybody, especially the stars!...hey, where's Sem?"

    Sem:"Hey, Luke, guess what? Leia's your sister!"

    Geb:"Oh, crap."

    Will The Crew ever find the Remote? Will they totally destroy the icon that is Star Wars? Or will they not? Only you can decide!

    Oft evil will does evil mar.
    Member of the Rebellion agains AC
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  33. #473
    Luke skids to a halt. "What? Who are you?"

    Sem: I am Semievil, of course.

    Luke: I can tell THAT from your obviously Everquestian body.

    Leia: Luke, come on! Hey, who is this? He looks like he's been trampled by Wookiees twenty times too much!

    Luke: He says I'm your sister.

    Leia: Ha, ha! That's ridiculous. I'm an Alderaanian princess! You're just a lowly, wet-behind-the-ear, Tatooinian farmboy!

    Luke: (growing beet red) Hey! I'm just as good as you, Princess! I'M the one that old Ben said the Force will always be with! Take that!

    Han: Hey, what's up, you two? We've been waiting by the Falcon for ten minutes for y'all!

    Luke: I'm her sister.

    Leia: You are not!

    Luke: I am too!

    Leia: Are not!

    Luke: Are too!

    Artoo: Beep-de-bleep deep-deep!

    Threepio: He says, "You called?"

    Luke: No!

    Sem leaves, chuckling sadistically as the would-be heroes start hopelessly arguing.

    Gebohq: Sem! How could you DO that?

    Sem shrugs carelessly. They suddenly hear Han, Luke, and Leia being shot to death by stormtroopers.

    Krig: Drat! Now what?

    The metaphysical nature of this energy field commonly known as "the Force" is such that it is galactically pervasive, but the potential of becoming omnipervasive, or even modopotent.
    Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

  34. #474
    Geb: "Well now we have to take thier places..." <sigh> "Maybe, you be de princess, Sem, you be Luke, Krig, your the fuzzball, I'll be Han, and Otter and Ante can have thier pick... 3PO or R2"
    Otter: "R2"
    Ante: "Damn!"
    Sem begining to run off, detpacks and stachel charges hanging off his shoulders) "Whohoo! I get to blow this place up!"
    Maybe: (pulling him off his feet and halting his suicide demo-attack) "Not yet ya carp!"

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  35. #475
    (NSP: Sorry, I haven't been around lately. Schoo-el, and all. And man, why didn't I ever thikn of this! Stcik with NeS's roots, Star Wars!)

    Sem: Aww man, can we at least go down teh trash compator?

    Maybechild: No.

    Sem: Man, why not?

    Maybe: Because we already went through that--I mean, "we" did.

    Sem: *in whiny Luke voice* But I wanna! I wanna I wanna I wanna I--

    Geb: FINE! Just shut up already, kid.

    Ante: Urgh..--

    Geb: *ahem* *nudges Ante*

    Ante: *rolls his eyes* Oh - my. Not the deadful trash -compator...

    Geb: That's it, golden boy. Now lets get a move on before ol' Darth Vader shows--

    *Enter heavy mechenical breathing, follows by imposing presence of Darth Vader and his flowing cape. Vader then points a finger at Sem.*

    Vader: *boo-chhh* YOU!

    Sem: Eep!

    Otter: Bee-dee-blip.

    Ante: I agree Ott--R2. Let's RUN!

    *wipes sweat from his forehead* Whew, that PBS guy sure put up a fight...anywhos, tune in next time for our continuation of our SPECIAL special edition of Star Wars: A New Hope, with never EVER before scenes!

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited September 22, 2000).]
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  36. #476
    then a conc shot comes out of no were and kills everone!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... YOU LOSE!!!!

    (Geb's note: Ah, one-post thread killers, how they try...)

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited June 23, 2003).]
    The teller,

  37. #477
    I don't like that ending-I know I'm trying not to reach too much into tribes/eq, but here I just can't let it happen!!!!!

    Sem casts the spell "mesmerize" on Dath the story teller, and stepping up behind him locks his arm around Dath the story teller's neck, snapping finger bones into the apropriate joints and creating a vice-like choker hold.

    Using the other arm, Sem dons his beloved jet-pack, leaps 20 feet skywards, and begins to hover. As Dath the story teller slowly comes around he finds himself dangling above the very jaws of death, that's right, about to be swallowed whole by Morris!!!

    (note to all: ignore this, I just don't like punks who want to end this kind of thread in 1 3-4 line post)

    Dath the story teller drops to his doom......

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  38. #478
    Yet another Benevolent Upward Mobility Post!

    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"
    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"

  39. #479
    Vader: Destroy those fools, immediately.

    Nearest Stormtrooper: Um, sir, we lost them. *immediately covers face in hopes of protecting himself with his hands*

    Vader: WHAT?!?!?!

    Stormtrooper: Sorry sir! I'll never say another thing, ever again--no, please, don't-no--AHHHHH--mmmh-mhm-hm-h-hm-mmm...

    vader: *backing away with duct tape in hand* Muuuch better. Now since I seem to only have a fleet of EEEE-DEEE-OTS on my ship, I'll have to find them my-ee-self!

    *Swings cape dramatically as he uses the dark side to find the heroes. No, not the, not old man Darkside, that's right, where the sun don't shine. In other words folks, he's thinking with his balls and heading for teh topless bar, where our hapless heroes happen to be, thanks to R2's alcohol addiction.*

    Da-da-duuuuuuum! A cliffhanger to leave you all hanging off the edge of your seats! Gotta love 'em
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  40. #480
    English accented, pithy, military official looking induvidual: "It has been called to my attention that this story has begun to display an alarming tendency to become silly. Now, no one enjoys a good laugh more than I do.... except prehaps my wife.... and a few of her friends.... I take it back, just about everyone ejoys a good laugh more than I do, but I am serving notice that there is to be no more sillyness. Any further scenes with instances of sillyness will be cut immediately, and we will go to the next scene." <scene starts to shift> "No, no, no! I didn't say cut yet!" <scene comes back and slowly starts to shift again> "Wait for it...." <scene goes back> "Cut!"
    The next scene opens to reveal our heroes.......

    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

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