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Thread: The Never-ending Story Thread

  1. #1561








































    ...crud, I forgot what I was going to post. Ah well.


    (NSP: Woohoo! NeS is now 40! Time to have a mid-life crisis in fear of turning senile... I guess...

    Oh yeah, there's someone looking for writers. If you're interested, go here.

    And if Ante doesn't post within the next two days, I'm going to wrap this thing up myself. Knowing how quickly Tracer and Krig posted to wrap this up before though, I'm sure they'll beat me too it

    And you all thought I was actually going to post something relevant. )
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  2. #1562
    Insane Furry Postal Worker


    "Bantha's are filthy animals.......I don't eat filthy animals."

    "Laugh it up Fuzzball!"
    -Han Solo

  3. #1563
    NSP: My dearest readers and fellow writers. I had every intention of putting up the next section of my flashback 2k3 series tonight. Unfortunately, I've come down with some problems with a little thing I like to call "breathing". While apparently required in order to live, I've been having great pains in the area going from my right ear to my right clavicle every time I attempt to take a deep breath since about 5 this morning. So, rather than attempt to write a post in a breath-induced headache mode, I've chosen to postpone until the near future, when I don't have trouble doing things that keep me from not being "alive".
    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  4. #1564
    *The Heroes stood in awe as Dalaes' demonic form moved closer to the pummeled Ante. The Great Phantasmal Head loomed above, echoing an evil laugh with heavy reverb. TVLTE continued his preparation of steak, content with the sideshow before him. Ante, through his blurred vision, saw Purevil suddenly rush into the great chamber waving a large wooden object with a bristly end over his head.*

    Purevil: Look! Look! I have the magical pushbroom of Janitor Bob! Can we go to our happy home now, O Great One?

    TVLTE: Happy home... right. The world is our "happy home." Honestly, "son," you really don't grasp it at all...

    The Phantasmal Head went from simply laughing evilly to laughing in evil hysterics. Forgetting about his imminent death while distracted by something shiny, Otter wandered off from the rest of the heroes who were grouped together.*

    PH*trying to stop laughing*: Oh... *ahem*... pardon me. The comedy here is overwhelming.

    Geb: Yes, well, we still don't know who you are Mr. Floaty Head Guy.

    MFHG (aka PH): Ah, yes. I suppose it's time I introduced myself. I think I'll use this cliche analogy that I've been dying to try. I have been moving all my pieces into place to try for the final checkmate. I lulled my "opponent" into putting his pieces where he seemed think they could strike strategically. However, as I am not one to play fair, I'm about to tip the entire board over and call myself winner by default! Mwahahahahaha!

    Ford: What's he talking about?

    Maybechild: I think he's trying to use the chess piece analogy. But he's gotten a little too into his role.

    MFHG: As I was saying. I now have you exactly where I want you.

    TVLTE: Hey, what about me?! I'm invincible! Where'd you come from anyway?

    MFHG: I've always been here, manipulating things. Your invincibility for instance. That was my doing. TLTE's "death." That is also under my control. For you see: he is not truly dead, I have simply hidden his vital signs from you. And your "invincibility?" That is a gift I have given you so as to lull you into the belief that you can take over the world.

    TVLTE: Untrue!

    MFHG: Purevil! If you want to prove your evilness, shoot your "father" in the arm.

    Purevil: Yessir!

    *Producing a small calibur pistol, Purevil shot TVLTE in the arm. TVLTE screamed in both pain and shock, realizing that he could no longer simply absorb damage. Clutching his arm and staining his apron, TVLTE fell to the ground.*

    MFHG: You see, I have gained great power over the spawning of plotholes. By spawning one within TVLTE, I granted him immortality for a time. However, that time is now over... Thanks to a few other events, your precious gods that you call the "writers" are within our realm. All I need do now is breach the wall between our realm and that of omniscience, or as you call it, the "narrator" realm, to gain ultimate power.

    Geb: I have just one question, MFHG. Why did you follow the cliche "chessboard analogy" with the cliche "villain revealing his evil plot to the heroes just before they come up with a miraculous victory plan?"

    MFHG: Ah, that is because it has been my destiny to do so since the beginning of time. I am the Apocalypse of this era, and the Genesis of the next. I have suffered many ages to see this day... I am *Dramatic Torch Flare Up* THE FIRST FALSE EVIL!

    *Numerous heroes burst into laughter at hearing the villains name. This laughter is soon stifled by another Dramatic Torch Flare Up.*

    Maybechild: Uhh... so, why are you the main evil villain and not Purevil again?

    TFFE: Purevil... heh... more like Puerile. That... that child isn't even genetically evil. He was adopted by TVLTE and TotallyEvil. You see, the greater evil you are, the greater chances of sterility you have. So, being True Evil causes one to be 100% sterile. Hence why TLTE cloned himself and why most villains seek immortality. Purevil simply wasn't bad enough for his parents, no matter how hard he tried. That's why he came to me.

    *A collective "oooooooooh" hummed through the crowd. Otter, still in his own little world, noticed a strange door to something that looked like a blast shelter.*

    TFFE: As for Dalaes... One like him will always be a useful pawn. Hellbent on revenge and powerful beyond belief, he is more than enough to keep you from stopping me. I'm so proud of Ante for having the foresight to bring me such a catch.

    Ante: *groan*

    TFFE: Oh, and Dalaes, I suppose I should let you know: you always had your soul. In fact, you have two, a human and a demon soul. The fact that you could only feel your demon soul amuses me to no end, but now that you've crossed over to full demon form, you really have no choice but to be evil. Heh... isn't that ironic?

    *Dalaes shot a killer glare towards TFFE. Ante, being able to breathe again, started laughing*

    Ante: HAHAHAHAHA! What a stupid name... The First False Evil.

    TFFE: SILENCE, WHELP! I'll have you know that that name was bestowed upon me because, at the beginning of time, I was the first evil. However, I was also the first evil to be defeated. It was one of those embarassing moments when a cute little girl looked me in the eye and told me she wasn't scared... I... I lost all power at that moment and became a false evil. Soon, though, I shall be the most powerful being ever known!

    *As TFFE reached the end of his tirade, Otter started to jiggle the handle on the door he had found.*


    *But it was too late. Otter opened the door, revealing a small control room wherein stood a 4.5 foot tall balding man in a wifebeater, striped boxer shorts, and thick glasses.*

    TFFE and Balding Man: Gah! I told you leave the door alone!

    Otter: You're TFFE? BWAHAHAHA!

    TFFEtBM: Yes. I am. That's why I was laughed out of my power. I mean, honestly, who would quiver before a balding accountant named Norman who collects stamps?

    *The collective group of heroes begins laughing in hysterics, quieted by yet another Dramatic Torch Flare Up.*

    Norman: Oh, but it's too late. My plan has allready been put into motion. Within the next 10 minutes, the plot hole barrier containing my pride and joy, the white plot hole, will collapse releasing the white plot hole into this room. You, my friends, will be destroyed while at the moment it resonates with the narrator's realm, I shall make a transferrence. And with the infinite knowledge and the power of your "writers" within this realm, I will be able to control the destiny of all beings of this realm. I will be able to control plotholes in all aspects. I will be able to take over all realms imaginable!

    *With that Norman locked himself back in his blast chamber. At the same moment TLTE woke up and slid off to the ground. After a quick survey of the area, and still in a dilusional state from too much sleep, TLTE held up a steel briefcase while complaining.*

    TLTE: This doesn't look like Vegas at all! Where are the slot machines? The video poker. The women giving out free drinks?! I mean, honestly, what am I going to do with this 10 million dollars?!

    Geb: 10 million dollars?!

    *Checking the mysterious miraculous briefcase, Geb found that there was, in fact, 10 million dollars inside.*

    Geb: Great, we finally get rich right before we die. Of all the luck...

    Maybechild: Wait... I have an idea. Who's the fastest runner here?

    *Everyone looked at Geb.*

    Maybechild: Right... why'd I even ask... Ok, Geb. You need to take that briefcase to London and meet with our writer selves and try to get us out of this predicament.

    Geb: But you know I don't run well unless under pressure.

    *Maybechild took the plate that the steaks had sat on and poured the steak juice all over Geb. She then motioned KyleKatarn7 over to the cages on the other side of the chamber, who proceeded to open the cage marked "Starving Bengal Tiger."*

    Maybechild: Is that pressure enough...?

    *The bengal tiger leapt out of the cage, drawn to the fresh meaty scent emanating from Geb's body. Instinct kicked in, and Geb was out the door cartoonishly fast, with a bengal tiger hot on his heels.*

    Ford: Hmm... I wonder if he can actually make it to London in time...

    *At the same time, off in a corner, Dalaes took a moment for himself.*

    Dalaes: What... what have I done...? What have I become?!

    (NSP: WHEW. Now to decide if I should continue with another flashback 2k3 post or trust someone else to handle such a burden...)
    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  5. #1565
    Tiger: Wraa!

    Gebohq: Ahhh!

    Gebohq is madly running from the starving Begal tiger, out of The Very Last True Evil's headquarters, through the oil fields of Yemen, through the desert lands of Saudi Arabia, through Jerusalum, swimming across the Mediterranian Sea (the tiger swimming behind), dashing through the Vatacin City, skiing down the Alps (the tiger on skis as well), and through the busy streets of Paris.

    At this point, the Bengal tiger stopped, huffing and puffing, and said "Screw this," and decided to eat out at the nearest Parisian restaurant. The tiger was appalled at the service though, and ate 26 people and a mime who failed out of the Mime Acadamy.

    Gebohq, having not bothered to turn around and see that the tiger stopped chasing him, began to swim the English Channel, briefcase in mouth. Upon the first hundred feet though, he noticed a swarm of alligators in the water.

    Geb: WHAT? You got to be kidding! Why the hell are there alligators in a temperate zone?

    Got me.

    *Begin "Jungle Hunt" graphic scene. A horribly pixelated Gebohq swims up and down, avoiding the alligators, the "bee-doop bee-doop" sound as he's diving and a static-y sound as he swims on the surface. After some time, the "Jungle Hunt" graphic scene stops, and Gebohq reaches the shores of England.*

    Geb: Thank God! I'm almost in London... that's in Scotland, right?

    Oh boy. Stay tuned to see if The First False Evil conquors all of NeS!

    Highemperor: I thought of it first!

    We don't care.


    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited February 11, 2003).]
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  6. #1566
    The Tiger's story: a sidenote:

    Roadmaster opened his door slowly, peering out through his overgrown mess of a garden, past the gate that he never could fix, into a world that had forgotten him. He decided that enough was enough. With one foot, he stepped firmly out onto the mossy welcome mat, but fear overtook him and as he began to close his door, he felt defeated again by his condition, when the Bengal tiger jumped out and said,

    Tiger: Git in ma belly!

    Being the shy recluse that he was, Roadmaster only managed to utter

    Roadmaster: uhhhh-

    Suddenly, and to the Tiger's dismay, Roadmaster was sniped by his insane neighbor, Joe, who weilded an ample supply of urinal cakes. All those years of careful stalking and janitorial work had finally paid off... Roadmaster was dead, but all is not lost; the Bengal Tiger was forced to scarf down Joe, but he didn't taste good because insane people taste like Ritalin.

    [This message has been edited by roadmaster103 (edited February 12, 2003).]

    [This message has been edited by roadmaster103 (edited February 12, 2003).]
    Instant Message me on AIM: roadmaster103

  7. #1567
    (NSP: too bad Janitor Joe got ate. could have made for an interesting face off...)
    may the farce be with you.

  8. #1568
    *Innocent NeS the MMORPG Game Player (MGP) sits at his screen, which has now been washed over in red with the words "Game Over" stretching across the top of the screen. Below it are several options, including "respawn," "restart," and "get a life." An announcer voice, as if trying to make a pun, taunts the player.*

    Announcer Voice: Seems you tried to dodge one bullet too many!

    MGP: Shut up.

    *The player, seeing that his text messaging window is still available at the bottom of the redwashed screen. Taking the opportunity, he tries to send a plea out to the world.*

    *Suddenly, in the reality of our story, text begins to appear above Roadmaster's head.*

    Text: Res me.

    Text: Res me.

    Text: Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me. Res me.

    *This goes on until the entire area in front of Roadmaster's house is spammed by the text "Res me."*

    *Will our newfound character who may be a hero or a villain or simply a justifiably paranoid individual find a "res?" Find out sometime, assuming this sidetracking ever gets followed up. I'm going back to try and find the mammoth..*
    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  9. #1569
    forums' resident drunk scotI
    So Geb is in England, trying to get to London, but slightly hampered by the fact that he thinks London is in Scotland. His poor knowledge of European capitals owing itself to puberty and an incredibly gorgeous geography teacher who had a tendency to drop pens and forget to wear a bra. It was about that time his porn obsession kicked in. But that's another (X rated) story...

    Geb: Right, so I'm in England. Umm...right..

    Passerby: 'Ere, guv'nor, get out ov the bleedin' way will ya'?!

    Geb: Er...

    John: Ron, take a butcher's at that jam roll, 'E seems completly Jonathon Ross'd. Or just Elephant trunked.

    Ron: Check his barnet fair, I reckon e's a sweaty sock; go over an' 'ave a rabbit and pork and get 'im to Uncle Buck off.

    John: 'Ere, china plate, you got the harry lime?

    Geb: Wait...incomprehensible accents, bizarre language, being rudely shoved out of the way by random passerbys...this is Scotland, isn't it?

  10. #1570
    Gebohq: "Oh no! I'm lost in Scotland! Keep away from me, you filthy tartans!"

    *Everybody ignores Geb.*

    Policeman: "Excuse me, sir, I couldn't help but overhear your prediciment. I would be most obliged to render navigational aid, if I may."

    Gebohq: "I said stay back!"

    Policeman: "You see, I always carry a small map for exactly this type of situation."

    Gebohq: "No! Get away!"

    Policeman: "Now, you'll notice that we are here, on Main Street..."

    *Panicking, Geb snatches a set of bagpipes from a listless drunk sitting on a bench.*

    Policeman: "...there are many fine hotels in this district..."

    Gebohq: "I'm sorry it had to come to this!"

    *Geb raises the bagpipes above his head and smashes them down upon the copper, knocking him out.*

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited February 16, 2003).]

  11. #1571
    *Meanwhile, back in London...*

    Otter: "That sure was great how we defeated The First False Evil and saved the world."

    The Mega Zzt'er: "Yup."

    Janitor Bob: "But in winning the epic battle, we became seperated from Gebohq, leaving us without a leader to turn to for guidance..."

    Otter: "That's why we got the new robot hero, remember?"

    Jump-Bot: "Affirmative."

    Otter: "He's more together than Geb ever was, and his brain is composed entirely of magnetic tape."

    MaybeChild: "Exactly how will he help us fight crime?"

    Otter: "I mean, tape! Isn't that just wild?"

    MaybeChild: "So, we have no leader and no long-term plan. Wonderful."

    Otter: "I wish my brain was made of magenetic tape. I'd be doing some pretty sweet calculations then."

    MaybeChild: "I'm going to go buy lunch. You can't come with me."

    *MaybeChild leaves.*


    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited February 16, 2003).]

  12. #1572
    (NSP: If you all don't mind, I'll wrap it up now that Antestarr has written his well-crafted posts. As I said before, if there's some story-scene or whatever you want in the NeS game, feel free to add it to Alternate Stories. With that said, here's the conclusion of "NeS: A Point & Click Adventure Game," which of course is merely a prologue into our next section )

    After having evaded the Scottish police, Gebohq finally made his way to the writers in London, leaving five minutes before the white plot-hole barrier collapses. In having ran from Yemen to England in five minutes, Gebohq had broken the speed of light, thus disproving the Theory of Relativity. Needless to say, there was a lot of commotion in the physics field.

    Gebohq approached the writers with the briefcase holding ten million dollars.

    Gebohq: HERE! *tosses the writers the briefcase*

    Sem the writer: Uh...thanks.

    Gebohq: ...Save us already!

    Otter the writer: eh?

    Gebohq: Write something!

    Geb the writer: Uh... hate to break it to you, cherished character of mine, but since we're here, in your realm, we can't do anything.

    Gebohq: But you're our only hope! The Floaty-Head Guy is going to unleash his white plot-hole...thing, and end our existence!

    Maybe the writer: Dear, it's not going to be the end of your existence.

    Gebohq: How can you say that?

    Maybe the writer: Because NeS has never been dependant on plot. It has a life of its own!

    Gebohq: I don't understand...

    Maybe the writer: We writers work with a mere thread within a tapestry known to many as The Never-ending Story. We can only do so much to turn that thread one way or another, but ultimately, NeS decides on how it turns out. So it doesn't really matter what you all as characters within NeS do; if NeS wants to do something, it'll do it. It flushed the plot down the toilet years ago in order to keep you from loosing to Ares back on the first page.

    Gebohq: life feels utterly pointless.

    Man, what a burn!

    Geb the writer: Hey now, that's not true! I mean, you've been here since the first page! That means NeS likes you.

    TLTE the writer: Yes, depite the many occasions I've tried to write off your character.

    Geb the writer: What was that?

    TLTE the writer: Wha--? Oh, nothing.

    Gebohq: Why would NeS allow such a force like The Fake False Evil to threaten its existence?

    Maybe the writer: You forget, story, not plot, drives NeS. After all, there's only 20-some master plots known, yes? As for the presence of TFFE, NeS is having a mid-life crisis, despite the fact that its never-ending. Back when it turned 35, NeS feared being 40, and got very depressed. NeS thought it lost its thrill... so it threatened its own existence, somewhat in vain, in a last dicth effort.

    *Everyone was standing in silence at Maybe the writer's words.*

    Gebohq: Er...I still don't understand.

    Maybe the writer: *sigh* It's NeS. Nobody understands it, but it just works itself out for the better in the end, OK?

    Gebohq: Er...OK. But there's still this problem of TFFE controlling you guys, and potentially controlling all of existence instead of ending it.

    Tracer the writer: Well, there's this device on that can shield us in a dimensional paradox, kinda like Highemperor the writer over there, for...10 million dollars.

    Gebohq: You got...a minute and a half. Order now!

    *56 seconds later*

    Tracer the writer: That was quick. If only the pizza came that fast.

    Sem the writer: Apparently, all we got to do is press this button here, and it'll do its work.

    Gebohq: Best get going now...good luck!

    *The seconds count down as Gebohq runs out into the street.*

    Geb the writer: So we have food and stuff to live on, right?

    other writers: Uh-oh...
    Meanwhile, deep within The Very Last True Evil's Headquarters, as the timer reached zero, the white plot hole barrier dropped. A swarm of white holes swirled around mysteriously, seeking to unleash all possibilities. The swarm, however, grew angry when they could not find a plot anywhere. Norman *snicker*--er--The First False Evil began panicking as the white plot holes turned to him, the one who locked the white plot holes behind a barrier.

    TFFE: But there are writers within this realm to feed your hunger! Aren't there...?

    Nope. And I'm happy to say, the white plot holes are now devouring The First False Evil whole.

    TFFE: AHHHHHHHH!!!!--oh, that tickles. No wait--AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
    *The flashback ends within Antestarr's mind, as he sat with his rifle.*

    Ante: What will I do now? ....

    So ANYWAYS, The First False Evil's plot was foiled. Hurray! Now we return to (most) of our heroes, back at the Hall of Heroes.

    Kyle: So bored... oh so bored.

    Purevil: Then DO something!

    Kyle: Like what?

    Purevil: ...right. We're too lazy to think of things to do.

    Jump-bot: Clean the update screen, one called "Otter."

    Otter: *grumble* Stupid hero-robot...

    Just then, Gebohq enters the Hall of Heroes.

    Geb: Hey, I'm back.

    Otter: Yay!

    *TheOtter hugs Gebohq.*

    Gebohq: Uh...thanks.

    Losien: We thought you were gone for good! Glad you're back.

    The Jump-bot, upon seeing Gebohq, scurries off.

    Geb: I'll be right back. I think I'm overdue for a stroll down memory lane.

    *Gebohq takes a moment to rummage through the attic, and returns with a cardboard box marked "College stuff" on it.*

    Geb: I've been meaning to see how I've progressed as a hero since I first started my official training as one back in my college years.

    *Gebohq takes a seat on the couch. A number of the heroes gather around, for a lack of better things to do*

    Geb: Hmm...*flipping through the yearbook* I forgot how many of you were in the same college as me. I still remember back in my freshmen year...

    Meanwhile, as Gebohq remembers his college days as if he were still there today, a murderous plot creeps within the Hall of Heroes....

    (NSP: So yeah, I left it open to do either a "NeS: The College Years" substory and/or a Clue-type story within the Hall of Heroes. Either way, I'd appreciate it if the story be kept simple and the posts short and quick (in hopes of more posting in general). Unless you really want to make a big post--I ain't gonna stop you. If nobody else starts up, I'm probably going to post my own little tangent with Geb in college, and let NeS take its course.)

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited February 17, 2003).]
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  13. #1573
    *Geb sprints down the hall, late for class. He turns a corner and runs head on into an incredibly handsome and brilliant young man, carrying a single wirebound notebook and a laptop computer in a carrying case. Geb bounces off the young manand falls to the ground. The young man offers Geb a hand.*

    Geb: Hey, thanks... Who are you?

    Handsome and Brilliant Young Man: The name's Cadrill. Sarn Cadrill.

    Geb: ...How'd you get into my flashback?

    Sarn: Don't look at me. Ford invited me. Besides... I've ahh... been here all along.

    *Sarn waves his hand mysteriously. Geb stares back blankly.*

    Geb: What are you doing?

    Sarn Uhh. What?

    Geb: That hand wave thingy. What was that?

    Sarn: It was a Jedi mi- err. Nothing. Let's just get to class. You've made us late.

    *Sarn walks off confidentally, and Geb shrugs his shoulders, then follows.*

    Nail pierced hands. A wounded side.
    This is love. Check this out... please.
    Teh Jedisaber
    If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

    Lassev: I guess there was something captivating in savagery, because I liked it.

  14. #1574
    (NSP: Make sure you all check out the update screen *first post on page 29* cuz I updated it. You're not on there yet Sarn cuz you haven't introduced yourself in the "current" NeS timeline. Dunno if you wanted to do that.../shrug/ anywhos--more quick & short posts! Wheeee!)

    Outside the flashback, within the Hall of Heroes...

    Geb: Sarn...the name sounds familiar...

    Sem: Besides from your flashback?

    Geb: Yes

    J-Bob: Hey...wasn't Sarn the guy eaten by the Chimi-Changa back on page 19 when I first jumped in?

    Lt. Randy: But wait--didn't we see Sarn when we were walking within the FurbyCo. HQ when we were in the future?

    Geb: Purevil...

    Purevil: I don't have any plotholes, honestly!

    *A mystical swirl a.k.a. plot hole falls out of his pocket. Everyone has a good "this joke was so OBVIOUSLY staged" laugh.*

    Geb: Now if I remmeber correctly, I was going to Sword-Handling 101...

    *Masetto snickers*

    Geb: Not THAT kind of sword-handling! As I was saying, I was going to Sword-Handling 101...

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited February 18, 2003).]
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  15. #1575
    back in the flashback, Geb and Sarn have finally arrived at Sword-Handling 101 *snicker*. Hee! Hoo hoo hoo! Ha ha! sorry, anyway on with the scene.

    Sarn and Geb look around for familiar faces. there are only a few they recognise, including a very young, very attractive MaybeChild. Geb decides that today, he will finally ask her out. His heart racing he walks casually over to the rack of swords she is inspecting.

    Geb: *cough*Uh...Hi, there Maybe.

    Maybe: Hey! how are you?

    Geb: Uhm...i...uh...i'm...uh..fine..i guess. say umm...what are

    Maybe: arent trying to ask me out are you? how cute!

    Geb:...uhhh....*using a move that will become increasingly familiar, Geb Gebs it.*

    Maybe: What a strange little man.

    Meanwhile, off in the corner of the room two graduate students are talking to a rather nerdy-looking SemiEvil.

    GS#1: Hey....come on...just try it. you know you want to.

    Sem: i dont know. i hear that stuff dissolves your bones.

    GS#2: how about this, we'll give you this stuff for free. no strings attatched. and besides, a little coke never hurt anybody...

    Sem: Well...they do say that college is the time for experimentation...

    GS#1: thats right go ahead*offers the bright red can to him* go ahead, take it.

    Sem: *reaches towards the can*

    may the farce be with you.
    may the farce be with you.

  16. #1576
    *Two giggling girls pass by Semi Evil and the two graduate students. The larger of the two GS's reches out to knock one of the girls books and sword out of her hands. Before he gets a chance the toe-headed girl grabs his arm and bends it backwards hearing a satisfying ~crunch~ as she does.*

    Big Doofy GS : Owwwww!! Oh dear Mother of Pearl why? Oh why?!?

    Smaller and dumber GS : Oh man, dude, We gotta get you to the nurses wing..oh man...

    *They run off towards the door as the girls take their seats*

    Amy : You know, Kat, you really should actually ATTEND those Anger management meetings you signed up for!

    Kat : I went to the first one...I mean really, who has time to count to 10 these days?

    *Amy shakes her head and smiles at her friend*

    Amy: so, are we still on for tonight?

    Kat : Wait...What was tonight? The petting barn at the Boa Constrictor museum?

    Amy : I thought we were banned from that place?!

    Kat : Man, put one 15 pound boa on an infant and you never live it down....

    *Kat smiles fondly and thinks of a visit to the petty barn a few months ago*

    Amy :'s not like he was INJURED or anything.....just temporarily breathless....Anyways, no, we were going to....go up to my place tonight....rememeber?

    Kat : Ohhhhh Right! I remember....

    Professor : Okay Students, lets unsheath our blades

    *a volley of snickers rolls over the class*

    Professor : Right, now, lets not have another beheading like last week...Poor Jeffrey's mother....she took it so hard..Well, on with the class, Lefties on this side of the room, Righties on the other....

    (apologies for the shortness...but darnit.. I POSTED...glares at Geb and Ford))

    Death is my Business, and business is good.
    Death is my Business, and business is good.

  17. #1577
    forums' resident drunk scotI
    [NSP: Umm, not that it really matters now or anything, but I should probably have made it clearer in my post that Geb was in fact in London (hence the cockney rhyming slang that I should've really labelled as such), rather than Scotland (he just mistook it for Scotland, owning to his previously mentioned lack of geographic knowledge). The idea was to stop him having to go to Scotland and back in order to find London, but since Geb fixed it anyway, it's not a big deal. So, uh, yeah...]


  18. #1578
    *Gettleburger protly falls on top of Geb, not know what is going on but hopefully will soon...lazy git he is*

    <Rob> Sometimes I think the support dudes go and play netgames when they are helping you.
    A dream is beautiful because it remains a dream.

  19. #1579
    Child's Play CharityGoY's Pessimistic Soy Boy Toy
    A Three Foot tall pink blob in jedi robes opens the door, peaking in, he pushes his glasses up on his face. The professor looks over at the late fluff ball in discust. jEDIkIRBY moves in and shuts the door, he shoves the last of the poptart he got from the vending machine in his mouth. Just then two guys from the back start whispering

    Jock¹ Dude, is that kid actually in our class?

    Jock² Yeah man, that sucks dude, he's eheh.

    Jock¹ Look at his shirt dude!

    jEDIkIRBY's shirt reads 'I'm not fat, I just have a little bit more room for sucking!'

    Professor Now jEDIkIRBY, Go take your seat!

    jEDIkIRBY nods and sees Gebohq sitting toward the front, waving he starts runing toward Geb, but instead he trips over a rack of swords. jEDIkIRBY starts to blush, getting up he sits next to geb, then takes out his lightsaber, hitting the little red button, his pink blade extends.

    jEDIkIRBY (Whispering) Hey man, this is going to be awsome, we're like, totally ganna be the cool kids, we're in college now man, COLLEGE! Who you bunking with? I'm not with anyone yet, but maybe we can hitch up, uh dude?

    Gebohqs worst fears had come true, the kid that everyone made fun of in highschool... Was asking him to bunk rooms.

    Geb (Whispering) Um... Uh...well...I...

    Tune in next time to see if Gebohq will really bunk up with the geeky jEDIkIRBY...

    [NSP: Well, After Ford Beat me with a stick to post, I decided. Hopfully I actually end up becomming a main character this time *sobs*]

    [edit]Some Tense issues[/edit]

    The Official Epic Website for the E²1 TC

    [This message has been edited by jEDIkIRBY (edited February 19, 2003).]
    ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ

  20. #1580
    Gebohq and jEDIkIRBY are on the "righties" side, continuing their conversation.

    Gebohq: Uh...I would man, but I umm... commute. Yeah, I commute from home.

    Sarn: No you don't. You live in the Damecles dorm on the 3rd floor. Right across the hall I live in actually. And aren't you looking for a roommate?--

    Geb: Shut-up....

    jEDIkIRBY: You need a roommate? Perfect! I can bunk with you then! Yay!

    Geb: Why couldn't I have been accepted into the Hercules dorm...

    Proffessor: Alright class. First up: Gebohq and Krig.

    Gebohq examines the short Viking man wielding an axe in front of him. The Viking's left eye twitches.

    Geb: Uh...teach? This guy's using an axe--

    Proffessor: Begin!

    The Viking grins.

    Geb: *gulp*

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited February 19, 2003).]
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  21. #1581
    *Far far away...GettleTheWriter wakes up*
    GETW: Hello?
    *His voice echoes throughout the empty NeS building*
    GETW's echo: Hel-hel-hello-o-o?

    GETW: Um hi...
    Echo: Um-m-m hi-i-i...

    GETW: Stop copying me!
    Echo: Ok-k-k-k!

    GETW: ...

    *The NeS building seems deserted..there is no seems to have been abandoned for some time*

    *Gettle types away fixing the predicament he's been in for the past year*


    Gettle: TMTGB, I think we've been in this dump long enough.


    Gettle: I'm going to see whats behind the janitor's closet door that has BOB written on it!

    *Jaws music starts up*
    bum bum...bum bum...bum bum!
    *Gettle opens the door*

    Gettle: TMTGB!


    Gettle: It's a plot hole! Here all this time and we didn't know...


    Gettle: You WHAT?!


    Gettle: Well you could've told me you knew sooner so we could get out of this slimy hole..I've looked at all those pornos so many times that they're---

    *censored for safety of our viewers, please stand by*

    Gettle: Blah blah blah, yak yak...


    Gettle: Oh right, let's go!
    *Grabs TMTGB and dashes into the plot hole*

    Where have Gettle and TMTGB gone? Will they appear somewhere of relevence? or maybe this? or perhaps I'll get off my butt and actually write it somewhere!

    <Rob> Sometimes I think the support dudes go and play netgames when they are helping you.

    [This message has been edited by Gettleburger (edited February 20, 2003).]
    A dream is beautiful because it remains a dream.

  22. #1582
    (NSP: Hmmm...perhaps I should consider changing my preferences from something other than "Show topics posted in the last 2 days" so that I wouldn't have the urge to--)


    [i](--so much.

    ...naaaah. )
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  23. #1583
    *In the Hall of Heroes, Gebohq is fondly remembering his college days. He is rudely interrupted by Purevil.*

    Purevil: "So wait, let me get this straight -- you knew Krig in college?"

    Geb: "Well, no, not really. I'm just taking a bit of artistic license, is all."

    Purevil: "By artistic license you mean 'introducing characters who were never there, and probably never went to any sort of school at all?'"

    Geb: "Hey! I'll have you know that this is hard, all this remembering and thinking! We don't all have photographic memories!"

    *Just then Krig runs by, still wearing only his underwear, holding Janitor Bob's mop in his teeth. He is followed by a rather irate custodian, shooting at the Viking with bottles of Windex.*

    J-Bob: "Blast you Viking! Give me back my mop! And clean up that mess you made!"

    *Gebohq turns the page in his yearbook.*

    Geb: "Ah, good times. Let's see, here's me taking 'Looking Heroic 101'... And then here's me in traction after that unfortunate accident in 'Looking Heroic 101'..."

    Randy: "You don't look very heroic in these pictures..."

    Geb: "Yeah, I flunked that class. The prof hated me. I'm not sure why."

    *Initiate ripply flashback effect. The Looking Heroic 101 prof, who looks strikingly like Einstein, is yelling at Geb.*

    Professor: "Vat ist zat? Ist zat a donut? Vhy are you eatink a donut in my class?! You cannot look heroick und eat donuts at ze same time! You vill look seelly! Egad! Vot are you thinkink?!"

    Geb: "...but I like donuts..."

    Will these flashbacks continue? What will Geb do in college? Will he graduate? Or will he fail miserably? Will he finally get back at the 'cool kids' in some elaborate scheme? What about foolish college pranks? Surely there will, at some point, be foolish college pranks! Oy, this just doesn't have the same ring to it as saving the world...

    "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  24. #1584
    Gebohq is rudely interrupted from his flashback again by Purevil.

    Purevil: Why are you in so many of these yearbook pictures?

    Geb: It was a small community...

    Purevil: How small?

    Geb: I don't know... 20? 20,000? We've already estabished my memory sucks, ok?

    Purevil: So does that mean you weren't fighting the Viking?

    Geb: Uhhh...
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  25. #1585
    Registered User
    Galrek looks over at PureEvil, then gestures to Krig, who, while fleeing bob, tirps over the axe he dropped earlier, rolls across the room and knocks over a plot box. spilling plotholes across the room. when they all finally realize there is no plot left, the plot holes dissappear.
    Galrek:"note that krig isn't here at the moment? geb, continue with the flashbacks. if anyone has any objections to his memories, I'll make them real."
    Krig pops up again, falling out of a nearby ceiling fan to land flat on his face.
    Galrek:"ah, good viking, no grudges about my little detour...right?"
    Galrek begins backing away from the angry viking, voping to keep him from figuring out that he's standing next to the Axe.

    In The beginning the universe was created.
    this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

  26. #1586
    forums' resident drunk scotI
    In the back row of Slacking 101, two hungover looking guys attempt to stay awake.

    Lecturer: Don't open the textbooks you shouldn't have bought at page 16.

    CookedHaggis: You know man, maybe this slacking deal isn't for me...

    Ford: *awaking with a start* **** dirty Apes! Huh?! Wazzit now?

    Lecturer: And what are you all even doing here? If you want to pass this class, you really shouldn't even turn up...

    CookedHaggis: I don't know...I was thinking about this the other day...the whole slacking thing...maybe it's not for me...

    Lecturer: If you've been doing things right, you shouldn't remember what we discussed last week about sleeping until 4pm at the earliest.

    Ford: How'd you figure that?

    CookedHaggis: Well I attend lectures for a start.

    Lecturer: And people; if you have to attend class, I can't stress enough the importance of not taking notes.

    Ford: Pffft, so do I. It's not like we listen or anything.

    CookedHaggis: I guess...I mean, I like the whole "Get drunk" assignments and stuff, but I can't see myself being a slacker for the rest of my life.

    Ford: I can.

    Lecturer: And drugs, while not mandatory, are a useful learning aide.

    CookedHaggis: I'm just saying I might change my degree.

    Ford: What? To Procrastination & Apathetic studies or something? I mean, yeah, it sounds appealing, and I thought about switching, but I just keep putting it off...

    Lecturer: And anyone who does turn up for the exam, and isn't found cheating, will of course have disiplinary action taken against them.

    CookedHaggis: Well...sorta..

    Ford: That was a joke. Putting off procrastination...

    CookedHaggis: Oh. Right.

    Lecturer: If you find yourself awaking before around 3pm, watch lots of daytime TV. In addition, I expect you all to become familiar with at least a few of the many soap operas and reality tv shows.

    Ford: Hey man, at least try and sound a little amused...wait, you were checking out that girl down there, weren't you?

    CookedHaggis: No...I was just thinking...

    Lecturer: And always have a get rich quick scheme in the back of your mind for when the tuition fees are due.

    Ford: What, are you gay or something?

    CookedHaggis: About which course I was going to take.

    Ford: Oh, right. We're still talking about that.

    CookedHaggis: I was thinking maybe waitering.

    Ford: Ha! You can't even wait for a pizza!


  27. #1587
    Meanwhile, in Lurking 151

    Prof Gollum: "All right classeses, settle downses. Loud noises hurtses our formses."

    Professor Gollum looks around the room and sees only Sem, standing silently but conspicuously in a corner. Gollum sneaks up to him and stares at the dark form towering above him. In addition to his comparatively massive form, Sem is dressed in tech-black, standing against a bright-pink wall.

    Prof Gollum: "Wes gots problemses with theses ones precious..."

    The early bird may get the worm-
    but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

    Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  28. #1588
    Its the beginning of the school year at Nevernding State University. Dean Stockwell is welcoming the students.

    Dean Stockwell: Welcome, new and returning students. i'd like to thank you for funding my 9 bedroom home and 6 lambourghinis. and now if everyone would please rise here is the NeSU A Crapella Choir with the Alma Mater

    A Crappella Choir: Alma Mater hear us as we praise thy name,
    make us unworthy Heroes & Heroines adding to thy shame.

    From your halls of cardboard to the high intrest rate
    screams ring out with madness for our dear Neverending State.

    When all is just a mem'ry of those bygone days
    hear our hymn dear Alma Mater, as thy name we praise.

    Time will treat you badly years from now
    and we'll be ever farther from our dear university.

    may the farce be with you.

    [This message has been edited by IS_ford1342 (edited February 24, 2003).]
    may the farce be with you.

  29. #1589
    Meanwhile, in the...umm...present i guess it is...why must you confuse me so? WHY!?!?

    *cough* Ehrm right. so in the present everyone is listening to Gebs reverie. well almost everyone. as geb goes into another tall tale, Amy Green the new heroine, comes down the stairs in nothing but a towel.

    Amy: Hey guys! i didnt know there was going to be a party tonight! what'd i miss while i was in the shower?

    Male Heroes: *Gawk*


    Amy: *sigh*
    so realy, whats been going on?

    Otter: *forgets MaybeChild* um well i was just telling some old war stories. would you like to come up to my room and hear a few?

    Amy: *yawns* sorry. war bores me. hey you there.

    Amy points to Janitor Bob, who is busy waxing his mop, buffing out the teethmarks Krig left there. He looks extrememly suprised.

    J-Bob: Huh?

    Amy: *Sighs again* you look pretty smart whats been going on round here? oh and by the way nice mop.

    J-Bob: :-D.

    Amy: *Sighs again* i guess a girl cant walk around in a towel without everone turning into a bunch of drooling idiots. im going upstairs.

    and that she does. mmm mmm mmm what they go all the way up...*drool* mmm........


    Amy Green; serving the fine citizens of Ft. Huachuca since July 13, 2000.

    Amy Green; serving the fine citizens of Ft. Huachuca since July 13, 2000.

  30. #1590
    Upon Amy's departure, a muffled silence falls over the main room of the Hall of Heroes. Maybechild and Losien roll their eyes extensively.

    Lt. Randy: "So, um, who was that again?"

    Geb: "Weren't you paying attention to my story? That was Amy!"

    Lt. Randy: "But um... What's she doing here?"

    Geb: "I think that should be obvious!"

    *Lt. Randy stares at Gebohq blankly.*

    *Geb stares at Lt. Randy blankly.*

    *Purevil stares at Gebohq evilly.*

    *Otter nonchalantly strolls toward the stairs where Amy exited.*

    *Krig cartwheels around the room in his underpants.*

    Purevil: "So she's here to wreak havoc on the world and destroy us all, and in the process enslave all of rabbitkind?"

    Geb: "What? No!"

    Purevil: "Oh. Curse my evilness! I can never properly guess what you good guys are up to..."

    Lt. Randy: "Rabbitkind? Why rabbits?"

    Purevil: "Did I say rabbits? I meant dingoes! Not rabbits! Hahaha! Who would want to enslave rabbits?"

    *The others stare at Purevil blankly.*

    Purevil: "Whew, they didn't catch on to my obvious slip of the tongue! Man, I'm good at this!"

    *The others stare at Purevil blankly. Krig blinks. TheOtter tumbles back down the
    stairs with a black eye.*

    Purevil: "Um... I said that out loud, didn't I?"

    What is Purevil's master rabbit plan? Is it evil? Why does it involve rabbits? Why is Krig still in his underpants? How do Maybechild and Losien feel about the new competition? The answers to some of these questions and possibly others, next time on the Never-ending Story: Where being an All-Seeing Narrator Is Not Nearly As Cool As It Would Seem!

    "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  31. #1591
    *A glint of metal in the distance caught Ante's attention, pulling him back from his mindless daydream and into his mission in the tower. Taking aim with his rifle, he pulled the trigger, sending a single shell into the single weak spot in the hull of an alien battle-cruiser. The bullet embedded itself firmly in a critical power converter, causing an instantaneous powerdown and overheat, frying all the critical systems and reducing the cruiser to scrap. The incident would be reported as "another darn Concorde mishap."

    Having single-handedly saved the NeS from yet another world-domination plot at the hands of ultra-powerful beings which would eventually have been settled by some act of sheer dumb luck, Ante returned to his reminiscence. This time, however, going farther back, to a time before the story began. A time of ideals, rebellion, and experimentation. A time of college.*


    *Sitting in the middle of his fencing class, Ante was in full 80's rebel regalia, complete with sunglasses, unwashed hair, denim jacket and jeans, black t-shirt, fingerless gloves, and combat boots. Hearing his name called, Ante rose and carried his foil to the staging area, where he met with his opponent, who was actually wearing fencing gear.*

    Professor: Antestarr, you do realize that fencing is dangerous without proper equipment. Although in the field I highly doubt the opponent will give you time to don some armor. 5 extra credit points.

    Fencing Partner *chuckling*: So, freak, what's with the hair?

    Antestarr *gritting his teeth*: I'm growing it out for "menacing" purposes.

    Professor: Students... BEGIN!

    *As Ante's opponent began to approach, Ante pulled a pistol out of his jacket and fires a round into the other student's knee. Screaming and clutching the bloody knee, the student fell to the ground.*

    Professor: ANTESTARR!! What was that?!

    Ante: I figured, if we're supposed to use this stuff in battle, we may as well go all out. What's the point of fighting with swords when you can cripple your opponent from the get-go?

    Professor: But what about a fair fight? A test of skill? HEROISM?!

    Ante: I don't subscribe to this school's idea of heroism. In fact, the only reason I'm here is because my father bought my way in.... I figure I'll pass no matter what I do. So, I'm gonna find my own methods of heroism, thankyouverymuch.

    With that, Antestarr left the classroom as medics rushed in to tend to the wounded student. Stepping into the hall, his vision fell upon two young women chatting and giggling. One kept referring to something at "her place." The other, however, caught his eye. She had an almost feline quality to her.*

    Ante *thinking to himself*: Hmm... I need to find out more about these two... but I suppose I should first step out of this puddle of drool that seems to have accumulated at my feet...

    "If a whip wielding ******* in a leather skirt started talking to me while waving a bleeding human heart around I'd stop screwing around, too. 'Oh, I can see by the bloody organ in your hand that you are indeed a tough hombre. I'll show you the way.'"

    -Shamelessly stolen and somewhat edited from Sharkey's review of Castlevania II: Simon's Quest-

    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  32. #1592
    Meanwhile, within the Hall of Heroes, Gebohq continues recounting his memories of his college times, skipping down memory lane with a child-like glee. Most everyone else had grown bored though, and went off to do their own things within the Hall of Heroes. Only Krig was nearby, still doing the occasional cartwheel in his underwear.


    Losien: *from down a hallway unseen* AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

    Startled, and worried about his sister's scream, Gebohq shoots up and runs towards the source, Krig cartwheeling behind.

    When he arrives, he finds Losien looking terrified at something inside the closet in front of her. Janitor Bob is next to her, his expression grim. Purevil, Ford, and a few others are also standing nearby, having arrived at the scene like Gebohq, with the other heroes continuing to congregate.

    Geb: What is it, Los?

    Losien: It's Galvatron!

    To most everyone's surprise, Galvatron sits bound by rope and gagged. Ford whistles innocently.

    J-Bob: What I found most odd is that Galvatron seems to have been bound and gagged recently.

    Ford: What? Really?

    J-Bob: Yes. Not only that, but his main CPU chip from his head is missing.

    Maybe: Looks like we all should start searching for Galv's CPU chip then.

    Geb: But I like skipping down memory lane! Just call me if you need me or something: I have more flashbacks to remember still.

    Maybe: Fine, whatever. For those of you actually interested in doing something useful, meet up with me and we'll form a search party.

    Kyle: But this place is HUGE! And with lots of spooky and creepy rooms to look in, like Geb's *shudders*

    MZZT: A mystery to solve, wheee!

    Off in the dark corners, the Jump-Bot glares at Gebohq with electronic eyes of revenge, remembering the days back when it first met Gebohq in Sword-Handling 101...

    Oooooh, a Clue-like mystery! Is the Jump-Bot behind the current events, or is it another? Perhaps Purevil and his obsession with bunny rabbits? Ah, I love asking the questions and not having to give the answers...
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  33. #1593
    forums' resident drunk scotI
    <font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Ante was in full 80's rebel regalia, complete with sunglasses, unwashed hair, denim jacket and jeans, black t-shirt, fingerless gloves, and combat boots</font>
    This had better lead to a Breakfast Club parody...


  34. #1594
    forums' resident drunk scotI
    [NSP: Meh. If this all means nothing to you then go watch a clever and funny, if heavy handedly preachy, film by John Hughes]

    Back in the 80's at Nevernding State University...

    Dean Stockwell: Gotcha!

    Ante: Huh? **** that hypnotic, drool inducing woman!

    Dean Stockwell: Right Mr. Starr, I've got you at last. Dentention! Right now!

    Ante: What? You can't give me detention, this is University...and it's not even the end of the day!

    Dean Stockwell: You're not fooling anyone Starr. Come on and join your fellow degenerates.

    Ante: Eat my shorts.

    Dean Stockwell: What was that?

    Ante: Eat. My. Shorts!

    Dean Stockwell: You just bought yourself another detention!

    Ante: Ooh I'm crushed.

    Dean Stockwell: You just bought one more tough guy.

    Ante: Well I'm free the day after that. Beyond then, I'm going to have to check my calendar.

    Dean Stockwell: Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word, say it! Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?

    Ante: No! And I'll...

    Dean Stockwell: In here!

    He shoves Ante through a door, into an empty library. A few other student are sitting there, looking glum and more than a little embarrassed at having to do detention at University.

    Dean Stockwell: Sit!

    Ante walks over to where jEDIkIRBY is sitting, stares at him, then jerks his thumb over his shoulder. kIRBY gathers his stuff and scuttles over to another seat, head bowed

    Dean Stockwell: It's now 12:03. You have precisely a few posts to think about what you've done...

    Losien: Uh...sir? I think there's been some kind of a mistake...I mean, I didn't do anything...

    The Dean ignores her and continues talking

    Dean: To ponder the error of your ways...

    Ante spits in the air and catches it in his mouth again. He gathers looks of disgust from the other students

    [NSP: Yeah, I got nothin'.]


  35. #1595
    Seventh in the Katarn Family Line
    Slowly but carefully retreating from the group of heroes around Galvatron, KyleKatarn7 fingers the broken shards of his datapad, now kept in his pockets. Searching back through the shroud of time, he begins to reminisce about good ol' days, days of non-stop parties, alcohol, and women. Days when being a nerd had payoffs...

    * Cue ripply flashback sequence *

    Dressed in a classic nerd get-up (white formal shirt, pocket protector, slacks, glasses with tape around the middle), KyleKatarn7 strolls into the detention room as if he owns the place. Blatantly ignoring Ante's Glare of Menace™, he slumps down in the chair next to him. Following him in is Professor Hynegin, the resident computer teacher.

    Hynegin: "Oh God, I need an aspirin and a strong antacid....Dean Stockwell! There you are. I caught this...this...this rapsacallion hacking into our mainframe and loading an infinite pop-up virus. For every pop-up we close, another three take its place. It's like a bad B-movie! They just keep coming and coming and...whoo boy, there goes my ulcer..."

    Stockwell: "Well well well, it looks like today isn't your day, young KyleKatarn7."

    Kyle: [insert witty comeback here]

    Stockwell: "You may think you're all that and a bag of chips, but I'll have you know, I'm down with yo' hommies, and nothin' gets past me, got that G-Dawg?"

    Kyle: "...."

    With that highly anti-climatic conversation ended, Kyle takes out his shiny new datapad, and begins typing away.

    Sighing with the weight of many years, KyleKatarn7 begins to search for Galvatron's chip, but with no real motivation. His mind on the past, Kyle is far too pre-occupied to pay any real attention to the present. Ohhh, what the heck, let's throw in a prat-fall or two. Searching with glazed eyes, he notices one step too late that he has walked onto the basement staircase. Hanging for a second or two as his mind grapples with the situation, he finally begins his long...painful...descent into the depths of NeS. Finally fetching up against a stack of boxes, Kyle groans painfully, and sits up.

    Kyle: "Ohhhhh, my head..." *looks at slowly teetering tower of boxes* "Ohhhhhh &^#$."

    With a final, ironic push from a gust of wind created by the flapping of a butterfly's wings in Brazil's rainforest, the tower of boxes fall with a resounding crash on Kyle.

    Kyle: "*groans*... Hey, what's this? Another scrapbook? Hey look, there's Galvatron in his Apple IIGS stage!"

    Do we finally get to find out more about the mysterious character known as Galvatron? Why was Kyle fingering the broken shards of his datapad as he walked away? Is he perhaps involved in Galvatron's deactivation? Will College Ante beat up College Kyle? Find out next time on the Never-Ending Story: The College Years!

    "What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

    Massassi Dating Forum Activist
    Council of 14

  36. #1596
    Mopping Up Since 2000
    *In a valiant effort to take advantage of a technicality and literal language, Janitor Bob the Writer posts for NES*

    "Your entire base belongs to us."

    "It would be highly appreciated if someone would set the bomb up for us"
    "Your entire base belongs to us."
    "It would be highly appreciated if someone would set the bomb up for us"
    "Launch all of our ships, christened 'Zigs', to insure that justice will be achieved swiftly and powerfully."

  37. #1597
    Mopping Up Since 2000
    *In a valiant effort to take advantage of a technicality and literal language, Janitor Bob the Writer posts for NES*

    "Your entire base belongs to us."

    "It would be highly appreciated if someone would set the bomb up for us"
    "Your entire base belongs to us."
    "It would be highly appreciated if someone would set the bomb up for us"
    "Launch all of our ships, christened 'Zigs', to insure that justice will be achieved swiftly and powerfully."

  38. #1598
    *In a valiant effort to take advantage of a technicality and literal language, Janitor Bob the Writer double posts for NES*
    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  39. #1599
    Gebohq, student of Never-ending State University, lies on the floor of the SwordHandling 101, his Viking opponent clearly the victor.

    Krig: Funny-hair man need skills.

    Geb: I have skills...

    Prof: Time's up! I'll see you all next class.

    The students shuffle out the classroom. Gebohq straightens himself out, while Sarn and jEDIkIRBY walk up to him.

    j-kirby: Hey, I thought you did pretty good!

    Geb: Er...thanks.

    Sarn: Hey Geb, did you hear about the National University Hero Competition coming up? I was thinking of signing up for it. It'll look good on my record.

    Geb: Hmmm... if I enter, and win, that would make me a big-time hero, right?

    Sarn: Well, sure, I suppose.

    Geb: Where do I sign up?

    Sarn: They're a sign-up at the admissions building, but you should know what it involves...

    Geb: Yeah yeah, whatever. I can take anything they dish out.

    Sarn: Uhh...

    Just then, Galvatron (in all his Apple IIGS beauty) and his buddy Jump-bot approach Gebohq, Sarn and jEDIkIRBY...

    Meanwhile, back in the Hall of Heroes, Gettle's plothole trip from The Arena results in him becoming one with his other self, thus conviniently solving the problem of two Gettles. Goes to show that two plotholes CAN equal a plot. Or at least pretend to.

    Gettle: ******, I didn't want to be HERE!

    Maybe: Hey, didn't I tell you to go search Geb's room for Galv's missing CPU part?

    Gettle: Urrrrrgh...

    Oooooh, a school competition to test the worth of a hero. Will Gebohq find his dreams of being just like Captain Kirk come true, or will he only find more humiliation? Whom else will join this competition, and what exactly does it involve? We'll cover that in the next class of Posting 362, right here at Never-ending State University!
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  40. #1600
    *After class Kat and Amy head towards the doors, Amy eagarly anticipatring what awaited them at her place, but Kat had other ideas*

    Kat: This way.

    Amy: Wait, but, thats not the way home...

    Kat: I know, but...theres something I have to see about.

    *The two girls walk faster down a winding hallway, one obviously miffed, and one with a look of pure...uh...pure...determination...yeah thats it...pure determination on her face they stop just outside the detention hall door*

    Amy: Woah...what are you doing? We arent following that Antestarr kid are we? He's bad--

    Kat: SHHH! Look, you dont have to go with me, all you have to do is scream.

    Amy: Scream?

    Kat: Scream.

    Amy: But, I dont---AAAAAAHHHHHHHH

    *Amy lets out a blood-curdling scream as Kat swings her sword at Amy's head, Amy ducks and the sword clangs against the wall. The desired effect occurrs and Dean Stockwell and Professor Hynegin run out the door. Kat pulls Amy to one side and they sneak past the authorities into the detention room.*

    Kat: Understand now?

    Amy: But. You. Tried. Sword. My. Head. Wall. AA----

    *Kat clamps her hand over Amy's mouth*

    Kat: I only needed you to scream once.

    *Kat looks at Ante, smiles and saunters over to him still tightly hanging onto Amy's mouth*

    Kat: Hi.

    Amy: &lt;muffled&gt;&gt; hrrg

    Ante: Hey.


    *oooooooooo the thrilling conclusion next time on the "Neverending Story Club" Like "The Breakfast Club" but better and chock full of more vitamins and minerals!!Essential in your everyday diet!!*

    Death is my Business, and business is good.
    Death is my Business, and business is good.

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