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Thread: The Never-ending Story Thread

  1. #1681
    Within the plot-hole, our heroes look upon their sole hope for escaping the hell which they were in. The 4th circle of it, to be technical, but honestly, is any one part of Hell REALLY more favorable than another?

    Ante: Concentrate, Viking, concentrate...

    jk: *grabbing Krig's waist* You can do it, NeS! Come back!

    *Krig gives JediKirby a questioning look.*

    jk: Er...sorry.

    *JediKirby gives Krig the Viking some space. Krig then proceeds making squinty facial features, as if dealing with stomach problems, which he was in fact doing.*

    Geb: So uh...is there anything we can do?

    Ante: If we all concentrate with the Viking, draw upon creating our reality with him...this should help him.

    Geb: You sure about this?

    Ante: Look, you think this happens to me everyday? I don't know! You got any better ideas?

    Geb: Right. You all heard the guy! Concentrate...

    The group falls into a eerie silence, their eyes closed, deep in concentration. Then a few snickers and stiffled laughs arise. Then it quickly returns back to suppressed uneasiness. After a few moments, they noticed something forming high above them.

    MZZT: Hey look! It's NeSU!

    everyone else: Yay!

    Sarn: But it seems to be out of reach.

    everyone else: Boo!

    TLTE: Hahahahahaha! I'll get to watch you eternally suffer being stuck here, Gebohq!

    Geb: Hey, you're stuck here too!

    TLTE: Point.

    Geb: What now?

    Ante: Hmm...I sort of assumed that was all we'd have to do, so I haven't a clue.

    Geb: This could be bad...

    Cue the zooming in and out of a big donut. You know, like the Batman symbol bit. Scene changes to the Massassi Forums Office Building, locked away within its own paradoxial dimensional prison. A prison designed to keep the forces of EeP and all those that ally with it from using the writers of NeS to their advantage. A prison though, that has been taking its toll on the writers.

    Haggis the writer: I'm so BOOOOORED! There's nothing to DO now!

    Maybe the writer: Don't forget, oh, you know, the lack of food and other essentials.

    Haggis the writer: That too.

    Ford the writer: It kind of sucks not to have any control over our characters too.

    TLTE the writer: It's amazing that NeS seems to be doing relatively well too without us. You know, besides the mysterious forces trying to end NeS and all.

    Geb the writer: Makes you kind of feel useless, doesn't it?

    TLTE the writer: Mm-hmm.

    *A high-position-looking Massassian enters the room.*

    Geb the writer: Blujay? How the hell did you get here?

    blujay: Er...I opened the door?

    Sem the writer: How'd you get past the shield?

    blujay: You mean the thing hanging on the door that says "There are no NeS writers in here. If you are anything resembling plot, you've come to the wrong place?"

    Sem the writer: Yeah! You know how expensive that thing was?

    blujay: ...right. Anywhos, I just stopped by to inform Geb here that he's been promoted to moderator now.

    Geb the writer: Woohoo! Do I get a raise?

    blujay: No.

    Geb the writer: Drats.

    blujay: And uh... maybe you guys should get out? It's a nice day you know.

    *The writers look out their window, to see their normal city-scape, back within their own realm.*

    writers: Wheee! Yay!

    blujay: I think you guys have been in here a *little* too long...

    Geb the writer: Maybe I can do something with my character now.

    Sem the writer: I'm going to read the details on the back of that box. Ten thousand dollars... I wouldn't want to think we were ripped off.

    Maybe the writer: Alright, who wants to make a food run?

    everyone else: *moan* *groan* *grumble*

    Back within the plothole which out heroes are stuck in...

    Gebohq: How to get out of this place...

    Telepathic Voice: Trust your instincts...

    Gebohq: Who said that?

    *Everyone else gives Gebohq questioning looks.*

    Gebohq: Hey you, Narrating-guy.

    Hmmm?

    Gebohq: Did you just say something?

    Like "Trust your instincts?"

    Gebohq: Yeah.

    Nope.

    Telepathic Voice: Stretch out with your feelings...

    Gebohq: Obi-wan?

    Telepathic Voice: No, you eejit! I'm a friend, from the future. And you have the potential to become a great porni master.

    Gebohq: Shwa?

    Telepathic Voice: *sigh* Just do as I say. Geb says to concentrate on porn. He says it'll help.

    Gebohq: Wait--I'm there, from the future, with you? Oh-oh! Should I ask that girl in my bio class out?

    *A telepathic high-pitch scratch is heard for a moment.*

    Different Telepathic Voice: Go ahead. But just remember she'll dump you when she finds the porn collection under the bed.

    (original) Telepathic Voice: My hand isn't a microphone, Geb! Give it back! Er--*cough* I'll see you later then, in your future!

    Different Telepathic Voice: I'm right here though.

    Original Telepathic Voice: *sigh*

    Geb: Right...so I think about wanting porn and I get Force powers...

    *Gebohq holds out his hand and keeps his eyes closed. The other Characters(tm) give him more questioning looks as he appears to just be standing there, with his hand stretched out.*

    Geb: Hmm... maybe I don't get Force powers. Let's try this again.

    *Gebohq then looks at the center of the plot-hole, the dark swirling colors swirling and collecting into a black spot. He then came to a revelation. Much of porn has no plot. The plothole which kept him and the others inside had no plot. Armed with this new insight, Gebohq looked up, and jumped. It was beyond all reason, but Gebohq had jumped the huge height, back onto the grounds of NeSU. The other heroes looked at him in amazement.*

    Geb: Hold on!

    *Gebohq places his hand on the ground, and the plot-hole slowly shrunk, raising the other characters back up as it grew smaller, finally dissapearing. The damage done by the fighter jet is also undone.*

    Krig: *burp*

    Galv: Well, glad that's over with.

    *Bill Gates squirms his way out from under the mammoth.*

    Gates: This isn't over yet!

    Geb: Of course...*sigh*

    Gates: I'll come back, and with the forces of EeP, I'll get my revenge!

    *Gates then jumps into a newly-made plot-hole and dissapears, the plot-hole dissapearing with him.*

    Dean Stockwell: Don't you all still have classes to go to?

    everyone else: *groan*

    Back in the present day, at the Hall of Heroes.

    Gebohq: Wow, the past was a lot more exciting now that I stopped to think about it.

    Highemperor: If it wasn't for me you probably never would have remembered!

    Maybechild: So you forgot all this time that you had this great power?

    Gebohq: I guess...I mean, it sort of comes natural to me these days I suppose.

    Maybechild: Wait a minute! When did you ever use these powers?

    Gebohq: How else do you think I run so fast?

    Maybechild: Right. Whatever.

    Losien: I knew my brother was special!

    Sarn: Oh he's "special" alright...

    Geb: Hmm...I wonder where TLTE is...

    Just then, TLTE bursts through the door. JediKirby, upon remembering what TLTE tried to do to Gebohq back in his college years now as if it were yesterday, reflexively lunges towards TLTE.

    TLTE: What the--

    Before TLTE can react though, JediKirby promptly eats him whole. The other Characters(tm) look in shock as JediKirby absorbs TLTE, becoming...

    TLTEKirby: *evil chuckle*

    Gebohq: Stay good?

    (NSP: Sorry for taking so long--it took me a while before I figured out Geb's new "porni skills" could simply emulate Force powers, except dependant on plot. Or lack thereof. Or something like that. Anywhos, Welcome new writers! If you have any questions, etc. e-mail me, or contact me via IRC, MSN, or AIM (all Gebohq). Hope you'll stick around for some fun! Hopefully I didn't forget anything...)

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited April 28, 2003).]
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
    http://forums.theplothole.net

  2. #1682
    A few minutes later on the other side of the plothole we see a drunk Jim7 urinating on a tree while singing "I'm a little Teapot". Then suddenly the tree burst into flames.

    Jim7: ah **** not again... gah this happens every time...

    Jim7 runs away before anyone sees him near the burning tree

    Will Jim7 get caught? Will trees stop catching fire? Why did DrkJedi82 write such a short post? Find out by sending Jim7 $10,000,000!!!!!

    ------------------
    JUST DO IT!...

    ...tomorrow

    [This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited April 28, 2003).]
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  3. #1683
    *After the frighteningly horriffically terrible experience of being offered bubble wrap condoms Amy takes on out of the package and stares at it blankly for about 20 minutes.*

    Amy: Oh the possibilities!

    Kat: What?! <snatches the thing and proceeds to pop all the little bubbles> Hmmm...

    Ante: OH.....MY......GOODNESS!! It's not only useless. IT'S PURE UNBRIDLED EVIL!!!

    Kat: And tons of FUN!!

    *Amy looks around uneasily and somehwere in another area, very far away, but closer than we all think, similar but very different than The Last True Evil, and The Very Last True Evil, Pure Unbridled Evil is born into existence*

    Kat: Amy, why are you shuddering and staring like that?

    Amy: I......don't know....

    *dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN*
    <Woah, man, turn down the music>
    (what?! Why?!)
    <fine>
    *beats the DJ over the head with his mixing board*
    <there>
    *dusts hands off and walks away*


    *very hushed* *dun dun dunnnnnn*

    ------------------
    Death is my Business, and business is good.
    Death is my Business, and business is good.

  4. #1684
    (NSP: I finally finished my post above. Now to just help give the College Days bit a proper finish, for my character at least. I invite you all to do the same if you wish. As for you new guys, consider yourself at the Hall of Heroes for now (where my last post ended). A little somethin'.)

    One last fleeting memory passes through Gebohq, a memory of a time shortly after he had lost the competition and the odd and epic events that had followed shortly after. A younger, college-age Gebohq walks down a hallway with Sarn.

    Sarn: That was some crazy stuff back there.

    Geb: Yeah. It's too bad I lost the competition though. If what happened is any sign of what I'll have to face, I don't know if I'm cut out for it.

    Sarn: I think you'll do just fine, Geb.

    Geb: Really?

    Sarn: I dunno. I just thought that sounded encouraging.

    Galvatron then walks up to Gebohq.

    Galv: That stuff you did back there was impressive. Interested in having a business partner?

    Geb: What can you do?

    Galv: Well, I can transform into a dragon, shoot lasers, use my chest as a fridge--

    Geb: Portable fridge! Sweet! I heard that a comet might be threatening to crash into Earth before the new millenium. Maybe we should look into that?

    Galv: Please! Like that'll ever happen...
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
    http://forums.theplothole.net

  5. #1685
    -=NEVERENDING WAR, EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE PORNI=-

    In the Hall of Heroes. . .

    Highemperor: Geb, you REALLY need to practice your Porni skills if you ever want to advance past Pornawan - or, for that matter, if you expect to take care of TLTEKirby.

    Geb: Hey! I do practice skills!

    Highemp: I don't mean running, gebbing, confusion, or cowardice.

    Geb: Oh. *pause* Well, what about-

    Highemp: And not erectile dysfunction either.

    Geb: Darnit.

    Highemp: Get to work, Geb-san! You've been a Pornawan for 15 years now!

    Geb: But how!

    Highemp: Go to the Playboy system. There you will learn from Pamela Yodason, the Porni Master to taught me.

    Geb: You - you're a Porni Master?!

    Highemp: What? Me? *eyes dart about furtively* No!

    -----

    Meanwhile in Highemp's quarters. . .

    Ford: Hey, what's this? *pulls DVD from under Highemp's pillow* "Twelve Hours of Uncensored Hardcore Action"?

    -----

    Highemp: Of course not!

    Geb: *shrug* Okay. Let's go.

    Highemp: I will take you to the Playboy system now.

    *he snaps his fingers and they teleport to a palace on a swamp world*

    Highemp: Here we are. Pamela Yodason's mansion. Let's go find her.

    As they walk through the swamp palace, several exotic dancing girls in bikini dresses wave and coo to Highemp, who blushes beet red and mutters something under his breath about how he's NEVER seen them before in his life and if any of them start talking about his supposedly tiny member it's a downright LIE and so on and so on.

    Geb: No fair! Why are they all paying attention to you?

    Highemp: *throws hands in the air* Alright! I confess! I-

    Geb: I know.

    Highemp: You do?

    Geb: Yeah, everyone knows you have a tiny male organ.

    Highemp: *glare* That's NOT what I was going to say!

    Geb: Oh.

    RAM: He does? Really? Ah-hahahahaha! *whole audience starts laughing maniacally*

    Highemp: *head in hands* You just HAD to go and spill the beans, didn't you?

    Geb: Sorry, man.

    Highemp: *energy crackles around him* I'll show YOU sorry! *zaps Geb's pants open so the entire audience (which consists of about a hundred thousand million billion trillion kazillion beings from throughout space and time) sees his dysfunctional manhood* Ahhahahahahahahahaha!

    Geb: *turns scarlet*

    Husky female voice from side: Highemperor! So good of you to return!

    *A woman with the body of Pamela Anderson and the ears of Yoda walks onstage*

    Highemp: Master Pamela! *they kiss each other on each cheek, French-style*

    Geb: *eyes ears dubiously* You mean I have to kiss HER?

    Highemp: You have to please her in bed before you can become a Porni Knight.

    Pamela: Yes, true. *conspiratorially* It took Highemp here eight hours and eleven tries!

    Highemp: Hey! I'll have you know that I am much more virile now.

    Pamela: Yeah?

    Highemp: Yeah! As of now, I'm staging a coup!

    Pamela: Brave, but uh, foolish, my old Porni friend. You're impossibly outnumbered.

    Highemp: *scoffs* I don't think so.

    RLFL (Random Lawyer from Lucasfilm): Excuse me, but I'm afraid we're going to have to arrest you for plagiarizing.

    *Pamela and Highemp simultaneously swipe off the RLFL's member with their lightgenitals*

    Pamela: YOU'RE going to overthrow me? You and what army?

    Highemp: A clone army of the hottest woman in the universe!

    Geb: *ears perk up* And who is that?

    Highemp: Larisa Oleynik!

    Geb: Again - and who is that?

    Highemp: *glare*

    Thousands of beautiful Larisa Oleyniks, dressed in flowing pink thong bikinis, march in, and Pamela's dancing girls are quickly overwhelmed. Geb's eyes are goggling out of his head. Pamela and Highemp face each other, drawing their lightgenitals.

    Highemp: When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the Master.

    Pamela: Only a master of evil, Darth - er, Highemp.

    *they fight*

    Pamela: Fought well, you have, my old Pornawan.

    Highemp: This is just the beginning.

    *they fight some more*

    Pamela: If you strike me down, I shall become sexier than you can possibly imagine.

    *they fight for another hour*

    RAM: Alright, enough! Would one of you kindly DIE?

    *Pamela glares at the RAM as Highemp takes advantage of the distraction to hurl a big ball of lightning at Pamela, disintegrating her*

    Geb: *still goggling at the Larisa Oleyniks* Drool. . .

    Highemp: *smug grin* I TOLD you they were the hottest girls in the universe. And now, I am the Master of the Porni Temple. And you, Geb, are my disciple. Your training begins. . . NOW!

    Oh, horror! Highemp is teaching Geb the ways of the Porn Force! Highemp has overthrown his old master! Highemp-

    RAM: Blah, blah, blah! Highemp this, Highemp that! Enough already!

    Er, right. Until next time - may the Porn Force be with you!

    ------------------
    Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel!

    [This message has been edited by Highemperor (edited April 29, 2003).]
    Visit my all-new website, the [url=http://com3.runboard.com/blazaruscitadel]Lazarus Citadel[/url!

  6. #1686
    The rest of the cast, left back at the Hall of Heroes during Highemperor and Geboq's mad rush to the Playb-er-Pamela's mansion, must now face the threat of TLTEKirby by themselves. They heroes stand awkwardly, unsure of what to do next. Finally, Maybechild takes charge.

    Maybe: *sigh* Why do I always end up with all the work? Where's a good leader when you need one? Here I am, once again, stuck dealing with another crisis, while Geboq is off playing porniwan with Highemp. *grumble*

    Before Maybe can finish her muttering, however, Krig takes matters into his own hands and springs into action. Cartwheeling over to the new, very evil, and nauseatingly pink entity born of TLTE and JediKirby, he promptly pops it into his mouth.

    Sarn: Krig, no!

    Krig: *BURP*

    Audience: ewwy...

    Krig: *an odd look crosses his face* Krig's tummy hurt. Krig need nap. *lies down*

    Doomy: *raising an eyebrow* He's turning colors...is he supposed to do that?

    *they all back away slowly, jumping as he gives loud moan*

    Krig: Unnngh...*smacks of lips*

    Yes, Krig the Viking has eaten TLTEKirby! What will happen next? Will the inherent evilness of this new cross emerge? Or will the heroes be able to save all three before yet another plot is hatched to take over the world? This, and much less, next time on NeS!

    (NSP: Uhm, yes, Doomy would be the New Character, spawned of a plothole and thoroughly disgusted by where she ended up...why that never got played out? I dunno, this is NeS, does anything make sense? She's kinda the sarcastic, sloppy, slightly condescending artistic type, so do with her what you will. Thanks, all . And sorry for the short post, I wasn't exactly sure where to take it from there...hope this'll do.)

    ------------------
    "Biologically speaking,if something bites you it's more likely to be female"
    "Biologically speaking,if something bites you it's more likely to be female"

  7. #1687
    Even as Krig is through smacking his lips, there is a incredible blast of sound, and all the doors blow in, all the windows shatter, and through the unexplainable smoke, steps TheTwistedSpasm.

    Spasm: Everybody down!

    *no one moves except, unnoticible through the smoke, Krig stirs*

    Spasm: Apples, I knew that was gonna stop working someday.

    Maybe: Er, new guy, look out!

    *Spasm has only a second to dodge out of the way as Krig barrels towards him. He doesn't bother*

    BAM!

    *Krig runs out the door, bellowing incomprehensible things about sausage, thanksgiving, and zebras.

    Spasm: uhg.... *picks himself off the floor* Ack! My suit! *it's filthy*

    Doomy: Do I know you?

    Spasm: We met recently, er, many years ago. Pliered suit...

    Doomy: You're not making any sense.

    Maybe: Uh, Spasm, is it?

    Spasm: *as suavely as he can manage* Please, call me Spaz.

    Maybe: *way past being impressed by a guy trying to hit on her* Can it. What's the last thing you remember?

    Spaz: erm... rising out of a plothole, with, eh... cord it... Geb! That's it! Say, where is the old boy?

    Maybe: You came straight from our recent reminiscing to this page?

    Spaz: Well, duh! It seems logical, right? No sense rewriting pages. The ones Krig didn't eat, anyway.

    Maybe: I suppose. Unless...

    Sarn: Maybe, are you getting at something?

    Maybe: Hm? No, not at all. *goes on thinking that Spasm could very well be a spy for the enemy*

    Spasm: So, have I missed anything in particular?

    Sarn: Nah. Still got that USP?

    Spasm: Of yeah! *Pulls out his two-tone Heckler and Koch USP .45 caliber pistol[TM].* Nice, huh?

    Sarn: Can I shoot it?

    Spasm: Nah, only professionals can handle these. *accidently shoots himself in the foot*

    Spasm: Marker!

    meanwhile, in the writers realm...

    Spasm, having broken out of his cell, discovers that the writers haven't been able to control the story...

    SpasmTW(in a very dull monotone): How long have I been writing pointless posts?

    Geb(calmly chewing a snickers): A while.

    SpasmTW: How long?

    Geb: A while.

    SpasmTW: How long?

    Geb: ...

    So, SpasmTW has escaped imprisonment and become a full-fledged writer! What will he do now? And what about Krig? Where has he run off to, and what does sausage, thanksgiving, and zebras have to with it? Do I care? Nah, but the pay is good.

    (NSP: Unless it benefits the non-story, I'd rather not actually be a spy, I just thought it would be good to get a little mistrust going between the Heros and me. After all, I'm not a hero, more like a cop, and nobody REALLY trusts co

    ------------------
    Cynic (sin'ik) n. One of a sect of ancient Greek philosophers who held that virtue is the ultimate goal of life, their doctrine gradually coming to symbolize insolent self-righteousness.
    Cynic (sin'ik) n. One of a sect of ancient Greek philosophers who held that virtue is the ultimate goal of life, their doctrine gradually coming to symbolize insolent self-righteousness.

    Drink So-Be, and play longer!

  8. #1688
    Back at what's left of the plothole...

    Jim7: *looks up* **** YOU GEB!

    Jim7: ROB GET OVER HERE!

    Rob: *hic* whaddaya want man?

    Jim7: It seems Geb and the rest got out of the plothole and forgot about us...

    Rob: that sucks *hic*

    Jim7: Ok we need to cut down all these trees and build ... something... to get up to the top of the plothole and climb out.

    Rob: But *hic* I thought you could repair plotholes...

    Jim7: I can but I need a virgin sacrifice to be able to, and all the virgins made it out of the plothole.

    Will Jim7 and Rob make it out of the plothole? Are they doomed to rot in the plothbole forever? Will I stop asking stupid questions? Find out on the next Exciting Episode of The Plothole!!!!!!!

    ------------------
    JUST DO IT!...

    ...tomorrow
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  9. #1689
    Child's Play CharityGoY's Pessimistic Soy Boy Toy
    Posts
    17,363
    (Gah, I'll make a post tomorrow morning... My final aim was to be Eval...RAHAHAHA! BTW, all "Evil"s incorporated with TLTEkirby must be "Eval", thankyou, bye)

    ------------------
    Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP
    ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
    ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ

  10. #1690
    forums' resident drunk scotI
    Posts
    166
    *Back at NeSU, the characters are struggling to quickly resolve everything and end with some kind of pseudo prophetically humourous quip*

    *CookedHaggis is sitting in his room, diploma on the wall, trophies for "Waiter of the Year" and "Most intolerant of ill-informed proletarians" lining the shelves, ironed and pressed maitre'd tuxedo hanging in the cupboard*

    CookedHaggis (voice over): I'll never forget my times at NeSU. Who would've thought such a slovenly and contemptable plebian could become a pretentious, uptight snob...Yes, NeSU was where I finally grew up, and learned the pleasures of punctuality and correctness, of Semillion and Chiraz and what an intransitive verb really was...

    RAM: Wait, isn't this all supposed to be Geb's flashback? I mean, the fact that we got storylines that Geb couldn't have witnessed was bad enough, but having a voice over by another character is just ludicruous...

    CookedHaggis (directly to camera, fourth-wall breaking): I'll never forget the people I met, the people who saw me change and mature...unless, of course, the plot demands that I only appear half way through NeS and without knowing the characters prior to appearing....Do I have Regrets? Only that no Animal House parody was worked in...still, there's always the plot-hole creating NeS High: The cliquey, bad teen movie referencing flashback...


    [This message has been edited by CookedHaggis (edited April 29, 2003).]

    [This message has been edited by CookedHaggis (edited April 29, 2003).]

  11. #1691
    Meanwhile (NeS count: Not high enough, apparently), at the Porni Temple, Highemperor continues to teach Gebohq the history and ways of the Porni Masters.

    Highemperor: You see here, Geb, this is the strongest temple in these swamps here. The first one I built sank into the swamp--

    Geb: --uh, I hate to break it to you...

    Highemp: What?

    Geb: We've already done this routine. Back on page 4, with Otter and his Crow's Nest.

    Highemp: Whatever. Anywhos, you should eat this cheese I hold here so that you may become short and green with pointy ears and speak with bad grammar. Behold its power--

    Geb: --Uh...

    Highemp: What now?

    Geb: We've done that routine too. Page 6. And then some other pages too.

    Highemp: Look, it's not my fault that becoming Yoda-like fits within the string of events. At least you'll fufill your desires by becoming a pimp among my army of Alex Mack actresses!

    Geb: But I already DID the pimp bit, back when we were looking for jobs.

    Highemp: GEEZ! Is there anything that hasn't been done in NeS?

    Geb: Uh... umm...

    Highemp: Well?

    Geb: I'm thinking!

    Highemp: Don't make me zap you!

    Geb: You've already done that too.

    Highemp: Grr....
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
    http://forums.theplothole.net

  12. #1692
    In the plothole...

    [i] RM runs around insanely, chasing his member [i/]

    RM: I'm a virgin!! You'd have to be crazy to mate with me...

    Jim7 sneers and the rest of the plotholians tie RM down...

    Will RM die a second time? Why a virgin sacrifice? Will rmTW write sensical posts?
    find out on the next episode of That 70's Show... er... whatever...

    ------------------
    Instant Message me on AIM: roadmaster103
    Instant Message me on AIM: roadmaster103

  13. #1693
    Then Jim7 wakes up... realizing it was all just a dream he becomes angry.

    Jim7: **** !!!!!

    Jim7 looks in the mirror and notices a tattoo on his chest that wasn't there before

    Jim7: HOLY HELL!!! there must be a tatoo artist somewhere in this plothole...

    Rob: *sleep talking* no... not there.... oh wait... yeah there just like that....

    Jim7: ROB! Wake up...

    Rob: What?

    Jim7: we need to find the tattoo artist...

    Rob: huh?

    Jim7: no time to explain just look...

    Jim and Rob start searching for the tattoo artist that gave Jim his tattoo, just then Jim7 finds a door knob at the edge of the plothole.

    Jim7: *opens door* YES I'M FREE!!!!!!

    Tattoo Artist: WTF?

    Jim7: I was stuck in a plothole now i'm back?

    TA: oh you came through that door labeled "Entrance to Plothole" ...

    Jim7: Why would you have a door like that?

    TA: dunno... just appeared one day...

    Jim7: K... so... which way to the Hall of Heroes? i ned to smack Geb.

    TA: Hall of Heroes? Geb?

    Jim7: This is the NeS right?

    TA: NeS?

    Jim7: Neverending Story...

    TA: No, this is the EES, the Eventually Ending Story...

    Jim7: CRAP!

    TA: Hey this guy i know told me something about the NeS once... he said the only way back to the NeS from a plot hole is through the top of the hole, there are no doors...

    Jim7: **** ...

    TA: Oh and be careful with those doors you don't wanna get stuck in TEiH...

    Jim7: TEiH?

    TA: The End is Here

    Jim7: Sounds dangerous...

    TA: Yeah apparently the world is gonna end there.

    Jim7: Yeah... ok thanks for the info.

    TA: Bye come again...

    Jim7 exits through the door and tells Rob of his encounter with the Tattoo Artist

    ------------------
    JUST DO IT!...

    ...tomorrow
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  14. #1694
    Child's Play CharityGoY's Pessimistic Soy Boy Toy
    Posts
    17,363
    Krig, now feeling a little too full, fell to his knees whincing.

    SU_Mega_MZZTer: Krig... You OK buddy?

    Krig: Krig has Tummy Ache...

    Just then Krig's stomach started to move and buble as if a small alien like creature were burrowing under it. SU_Mega_ZZTer rushed him to the lab.

    Krig: Is Krig ganna die?

    SU_Mega_MZZTer: Most likely.

    A sudden bulge pushed up in Krigs Stomach. The bulge moved, then exploded as TLTEKirby shot out, intentanously killing Krig.

    TLTEKirby: RAHAHAHA! I am now the Evalest Creature EVAR! YOU! What is your name?

    SU_Mega_ZZTer: Uh... Um... Uh... Are you eatible?

    TLTEKirby: Yes, very much so, please, take a bite!

    SU_Mega_ZZTer, being the ediot he always is, takes a chunk of Kirby, he places it into his mouth. The Evalness surges... and Mega falls to an eirie eval unexplainable really funny death.

    TLTEKirby: RAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    (NSP: Seriously, don't worry. No one's ACTUALLY dead. I've got plans... hahahaha)

    ------------------
    Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

    [This message has been edited by jEDIkIRBY (edited May 05, 2003).]
    ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
    ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ

  15. #1695
    ⌐_⌐
    ¬_¬

    Posts
    6,095
    * In the realm of the heroes *

    MZZTtH: *twitches* X_x

    TLTEKirb: * <('.')> *

    * In the realm of the writers *

    * The Massassi Forums Offices. MZZTtW enters the office and procedes up to the NeS offices, where he sees a sign on the door. Since this post is in the format of a cheesy movie, the scene switches to young man writing the sign, with him speaking it as a voice over. *

    blujay: "To all NeS writers: The new office locations have finally been approved. Unfortunately, because it took so long, it is also out of date. Please note that you are immediately relocated to the basement, and the HBL will have these offices." *Cut back to MZZTtW reading*

    MZZTtW: O_o *goes down to the new offices*

    *The basment floor is covered in a foot of water. MZZTtW tries to ignore it and sloshes to the office location, and opens the door. GebtW, KrigtW, and AntetW are trying to stop up a pipe spurting water. MZZTtW takes no special notice of this. *

    MZZTtW: Uh... what's new guys?

    AntetW: THE WATER MAIN BROKE!!! GIVE US A HAND HERE!!!


  16. #1696
    *Kirby notices that the TLTE portion of him is shuffling and wriggling, looking decidedly uncomfortable.*

    Kirby: What's wrong? We need to keep a brave face, and we...that is, you...don't look that EVAL! RAHAHAHAHAHAH! *ahem*

    TLTE: Apologies, tovarish. I just...I don't really know you that well, and being evil-

    Kirby: *growl*

    TLTE: -EVAL, rather, with someone is a very intimate thing. I just thought you and I could talk a little, seeing as we haven't woven too closely together in the NeS tale so far.

    Kirby: ...*uncomfortable silence*

    TLTE: Shall I begin, then? The story of my conception involves my mother, a concubine, and none other than Rasputin himself, in a darkened alley in Vladivostok...

    Egad! A touchy-feely TLTE! What is the world coming to! And how will his cohort Kirby deal with the emotional vulnerability he is being asked to display? Will it make them a closer EVAL duo? Or will this spell disaster for the would-be EVALDOERS? Find out by meeting me at the local coffee shop at 6 P.M., Eastern Standard Time, or if you're washing your hair then, check out the next NeS!!!

    ------------------
    "You have to tame the wild beast before you let it out of its cage."

    -Derek Zoolander
    The Last True Evil - consistent nobody in the Discussion Forum since 1998

  17. #1697
    Meanwhile... still in the plothole Jim7 is kicking a rock while thinking...

    *lightbulb*
    Jim7: I GOT IT!

    Rob: WTF?

    Jim7: My bag!

    Rob: What about your bag?

    Jim7: I just remembered I brought a virgin along in case of an emergency.

    *Jim looks at Rob*

    Rob: Why are you looking at me like that?

    Jim7: I hope you have no problems with killing a virgin. Because you need to sacrifice the virgin.

    Rob: Ok... knife or axe?

    Jim7: knife...

    Rob: ok...

    [the rest is censored because of too much violence and bad language...]

    Then suddenly Jim7 and Rob appear just outside the Hall of Heros...

    Will Jim7 every get out of the... oh wait what did you say? THEY GOT OUT OF THE PLOTHOLE? W00T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ------------------
    JUST DO IT!...

    ...tomorrow
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  18. #1698
    <NSP>

    Key:

    Asuka: Asuka Langley Sohryu (Eva)
    GS: Game Show Host
    Mam: Mammoth
    GWE: Great Writer Erik (GTO)

    </NSP>

    * Last time we saw our heroes (pg 38), they were just entering the old forest. Asuka, having forced GS and Mammoth to do so in order to correct the fault of the recent live movie. After a good 5 page rest they are up and ready to go.

    GS: Well buddy, are you ready?

    Mam: Yea. Let's do it.

    <Meanwhile>

    Asuka: Those idiots better not pull anything like that again. Skipping the old forest was hollywoods biggest mistake. I wont allow for such an important piece of storyline to be cut...

    </Meanwhile>

    * GS and Mam have made one of the boldest choices ever made

    * GS looks up at the sign above him marked "Subway: Blue Line: Old Forest Stop"

    SSecurity: Hey you (* points at GS), I can't let you on this subway without something to defend yourself with... You should know that before you get on the subway.

    GS: What about these 2 nukes, flamethrower, and 3 AK-47's i just bought?

    SSecurity: Sorry, on a subway ride, youd last about 5 minutes...

    GS: Hmmm, well i do have this mammoth....

    SSecurity: That works for me, what part of semi-middle-earth are you boys heading?

    GS: Hollywood, near George Lucas house.

    SSecurity: Did you say H-H-h-h....HOLLYWOOD?

    GS: Yea, we need to get there, although we do not know the way...

    SSecurity: Hollywood is a vile twisted place, containing millions of demons, orcs, lawyers, and ... directors. Its gates are watched by thousands of prostitues waiting for their next lucky..eer victim. Not with 10,000 men could you do this..

    * The subway closes its doors and goes on without them

    GWE: Meh, whatever, the subway would've taken like 3 pages anyway.

    * Out of nowhere a bullet train appears on the tracks.

    Conductor Geb: All abord the NeS Express. The one bullet train guarenteed to plow through story, logic, and dialogue.

    GS & Mam: Excellent.

    * 3 minutes later GS and Mam step off the train into the middle of hollywood.

    * GS now carrying the lightsaber approches the dumpster of which would destroy the evil object once and for all

    * GS takes one final look at the burdening trinket

    GS: Hey wait a minute, this isn't the lightsaber, this is a bat with green paint. Where is the real lightsaber, it must be thrown into this dumpster if it is to be destroyed.

    Mam: Oh yea, i forgot to tell you, the ever-so indestructable lightsaber fell apart a bit before we got to the forest. I accidentally dropped it when kicking down the door. Then i burned the pieces into ash and covered them with dirt cuz I didnt want you to get mad at me.

    GS: .... And we came all this way because?

    Mam: Well, because... Oh wow, we really wasted some time. Whoops.

    <Meanwhile>

    GWE: So basically Askua, this is what they decided to do (holds up page 43)

    Asuka: Unforgivable.............

    * In a furious rage, Asuka hops aboard her Eva Unit (Giant Mech) and starts speeding toward hollywood, trampling everything in her path.

    * Asuka arrives at hollywood, leaving only 2 villages and a small forest.

    </Meanwhile>

    GS: Well, on the bright side, we saved semi-middle-earth

    Mam: Yea, Asuka will be proud.

    * As they walk home, they look out toward the horizon, only to notice that semi-middle-earth no longer exists, and are standing in front of a very large mech.

    Asuka: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW THE STORY, THE WRITER CREATES A PLOT, YOU FOLLOW IT.

    * GWE pulls out the NeS Dictionary.

    GWE: Hmm, lets see... Plot, story... where are they...... AH, here we go. Plot: Pointless Lot Of Thoughts and Stori: Senseless Telling Of Random Ideas.

    GS: Story is spelled with a y at the end, not an i... idiot.

    * GWE snaps his fingers

    * GS blows up

    GWE: Now, as I was saying... StorY: Senseless Telling Of Random Yarns. You see Asuka, this isnt like a manga, NeS doesn't make sense, thats the idea. It makes 0 sense..

    Asuka: You mean like End of Eva?

    GWE: Actually.... sadly enough, End of Eva makes even less sense than NeS, which makes absolutly no sense already..

    Asuka: Is that possible....?

    GWE: End of Eva not only makes no sense, but it also makes it hurt to think for a while, where as NeS is humorous nonsense.

    Asuka: Im confused.....

    GWE: See what I mean. That brings me to my next point kids. FRIENDS DONT LET FRIENDS 'END OF EVA'.

    GWE: Now, since GS is dead, Neila was deported from NeS, and I hate mark hamill, you two are the only ones left.

    <End of Eva>
    * Random giant eyeball gets torn through
    </End of Eva>

    Asuka: So, how many people do you think actually got these anime references...

    Mam: People read this??

    Asuka: Good point... Not to mention that the references are irrelevant as everything else is.

    * The adventure is over. Peoples minds were toyed with. Worlds were destroyed. Structure was once again collapsed. Another job well done.

    Mam: So anyway, lets wander aimlessly until the next post.

    <TO BE CONTINUED?>

    ------------------

  19. #1699
    (NSP: with everyone finally out of the plothole i gotta do it... http://members.aol.com/DrkJedi82/Jshot056.jpg i'm so evil)

    ------------------
    JUST DO IT!...

    ...tomorrow
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  20. #1700
    Bah, HUMBUG!
    Posts
    13,278
    Rob: So it it fixed? Because I seriously just lost my buzz...

    Jim7: I dunno... I've ever actually fixed one.. just watched a bunch.

    Rob: WTF.. well me losing my buzz must mean were not in the plothole anymore..

    Jim7: I dunno..

    Rob: This place sure looks like the plothole, dude...

    Jim7: WAIT! Do you have a hangover?

    Rob: WTF... I don't...

    Jim7: Then we must be in normal space and time again, because if we were still in the pltohole and you had sobered up you'd have a hangover...

    Rob: Dude... thats deep...

    *Awkward Silence*

    Rob: Wanna go build a go-cart?

    Jim7: HELL YES!

    Will Rob ever stay sober? Will Jim and Rob even build a gocart? Will they just procrastinate and get drunk? Will they pee in the alley? YOU DECIDE!

    ------------------
    French the language of love?
    I suppose nothing says "I love you" like "wee wee".............

  21. #1701
    Child's Play CharityGoY's Pessimistic Soy Boy Toy
    Posts
    17,363
    TLTEKirby runs off into the other room to watch Oprah and bond with himself. Little did the Eval little fluff know, the dead bodies weren't as dead as he thought.

    Body Of MZZTer: Gargle.

    Body Of Krig: Gargle.

    Just then the bodies flopped around, as if something were wriggling inside to be freed. The hand of the dead MZZTer reached up, ripping off the flimzy rubber MZZTer mask. A fluffy pink ball climbed out, a long beard hung low to the ground, and the back of his head held a mane of white frizzly hair. His specticles slipped lower down his face, and he pushed them back up.

    EinstienKirby: My dear, what an adventure. I'm completely astonished that the time space continuem was not disturbed by my traveling back in time from traveling forward in past, then seeing my future self, giving him a time machine, then warping back here to stop TLTEKirby from killing geb so that my future self can exist, therefore giving existance to me, because of what's under Krig's supposed body!

    I didn't get that, but perhaps some of you science people...did. Krigs gnarled fingers reach up, throwing off the helmet, another fluff sticks his body out. This time, there's a beautiful head of orange hair, and he's got aposable thumbs. He looks suprisingly hansome as well.

    ?Kirby: Who the hell are you?

    EinstienKirby: I am the past Kirby from the future of you when you return back to your time and spit Gebohq back up and then travel back in time to gain the knowledge of Einstien, then travel here to warn yourself, therefore warning the future you about the past, which of course, will relate in a plothole just as soon as your true Kirbyness is revealed. GEBOHQKIRBY!

    GebohqKirby: Huh?

    Tune in next time to, perhaps understand this wild and twisted plot, and perhaps understand how Gebohq was eaten by kirby in the future before returning back in time to colect the body of einsteine so he could be smart enough to tell himself to watch out about going back in time to get einstiens body and warn himself about getting einstiens body, because it'd resolve in a never ending plotwhole. Did you just understand that? Neither did we!

    ------------------
    Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP
    ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
    ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ

  22. #1702
    (NSP: Egad. I've just caught up on page 43, and though I'm low on ideas and awake-ness right now, I felt I had to write and remind ya, Highemp - among others - that this is supposed to be a 'G'-rated story... You've already pretty much blown through 'PG' and are dangerously close to 'R'. Just a reminder. Carry on.)[/i]

    ------------------
    "Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  23. #1703
    ⌐_⌐
    ¬_¬

    Posts
    6,095
    [NSP: *In responce to Kirb's post* ... Soooo....

    Where the heck is MZZTtH?!?

    Oh well... as long as I'm here I might as well make a little post... and since I can't make any sence of what's going on, I think I'll do a "filler" post...]

    *In the Massassi Forums' Offices' basement, AntetW, GebtW, KrigtW, and MZZTtW are trying to plug up the water pipe with anything they can get their hands on, with little sucess*

    Krig: *Frustrated to the point of... well... frustration* ARRGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!

    *Krig punches his hand through the drywall, and unfortunately smashes another pipe, causing the water level to rise even faster.*

    MZZTtW: *Stops helping and steps back* This isn't working. *Sees a valve on the wall marked "Water".* Hmmmm... *Turns it.*

    *The water stops gushing as Geb takes a sledgehammer and wedges it into the pipe.*

    GebtW: There!

    *rumble rumble rumble rumble rumble RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*

    AntetW: Uh oh.

    *RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*

    MZZTtW: Er... is it "Lefty tighty righty loosy?"

    *RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*

    GebtW: No, it's "Righty tighty lefty loosey". Everyone knows that. Why?

    MZZTtW: .... CARP *Bolts for the door*



    *The Massassi Forum Building 'splodes*

    O_o Uh.... join us next time... I guess... er... blujay's gonna be mad I guess...


  24. #1704
    *cough*NeSsucks*cough*




    hahaha

    ------------------
    ..."And I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now. The folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didnt. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. That theres some good in this world, and its worth fighting for." -Samwise "The Brave" Gamgee
    I've got to return some videotapes.

  25. #1705
    ⌐_⌐
    ¬_¬

    Posts
    6,095
    Pfft... I'm so proud of my gif that I post it in #massassi, and look what happens!


  26. #1706
    *Deep in the Arabian desert a lone figure struggles to the crest of a dune. *

    Mzzt the Writer: "I...I can't go on any longer. Curse you for leading us on this suicidal expedition, Gebohq! Curse you straight to Hell!"

    *Mzzt falls to his knees and claws at the sand. A second robed figure appears beside him.*

    Mzzt the Writer: "After all we've been through together, you've brought me out here to die. Why, Gebby? For the love of God, Why?"

    Geb the Writer: "I brought you out here so you wouldn't have to apologize to blujay for destroying the Forums building! I helped you! And so far, the only thanks I've received are your accusations of betrayal!"

    Mzzt the Writer: "Why would I need to make an apology? You were the one smacking things around with a sledgehammer!"

    Geb the Writer: "So what? You opened the valve all the way!"

    Mzzt the Writer: "Well, excuse me! Next time, call a plumber!"

    Geb the Writer: "Maybe I will!"

    Mzzt the Writer: "Good!"

    Geb the Writer: "Great!"

    Mzzt the Writer: "Fine!"

    Geb the Writer: "Dandy!"

    *The writers fall silent, staring out at the endless expanse of desert. A scavenger circles overhead.*

    Mzzt the Writer: "I'm sorry, Geb. Fighting's no good at a time like this; we've got to keep it together."

    *Geb seats himself beside Mzzt and pulls a compass out of his robe. The Mega Zzt'er watches him try to use it for a while. Eventually, Geb snaps the device shut in frustration.*

    Mzzt the Writer: "We're lost, aren't we, Geb?"

    Geb the Writer: "We're lost, and I don't know what to do, old friend. This looks like it could be the end."

    *A camel gallops up the dune, stopping at the writers.*

    Cookedhaggis the Writer: (with madness) "We'll launch a guerilla campaign against the Turks! It's the only way!"

    *A crack of the whip, and Cookedhaggis rides off into the desert. The writers follow him with their eyes until he disappears from view.*

    Geb the Writer: "This looks like it could be the end."

    *Amid the washed-out rubble of the Massassi Forums Building, several writers are gathered in a semicircle, surrounding a casket. A holy man is saying a few words at the impromptu funeral.*

    Reverend: "...We ask that the Lord God protect and watch over blujay, guiding him in his journey. Amen."

    *The Reverend gives the signal, and the casket is carried off.*

    Michael the Writer: "For once, I'm speechless."

    Ante the Writer: "I guess Geb and Mzzt were too broken up about the whole thing to attend. Even with the short notice and all."

    Maybe the Writer: "Those idiots. I had the plumber on the phone."

    Ante the Writer: "I'm sure it was unintentional."

    *Time passes.*

    Krig the Writer: "Krig prevaded by deep sense of introspection."

    *End.*

    ------------------
    ******.

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited May 10, 2003).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited May 10, 2003).]
    COUCHMAN IS BACK BABY

  27. #1707
    (NSP: Krig brings up a point, and as moderator now, I unfortunately have to edit any content that would make your grandmothers pass out. While I won't edit Highemperor's last post, I will say now that I must be the bad guy and edit any future posts that delve into the R-rated area. Also, my excuse of a post in attempt to keep the writer's realm from having a dead blujay...)

    Within the Realm of the Writers, Geb and MZZT the writer are clawing at the sand dunes.

    Geb the writer: This could be the end...

    Maybe the writer: Hey! Get back here you two!

    *The camera pulls back. We see Geb and MZZT the writer in a large playground sandbox. Haggis the writer is on a playground spring camel, still yelling things about the Turks.*

    MZZT the writer: What the...what are you doing here, Maybe?

    Maybe the writer: Getting you loonies back from your play-time.

    MZZT the writer: But I thought we were in hte Arabian desert...?

    My bad. That should have been Arabian dessert.

    Geb the writer: I was wondering why there was all this ice-cream dropped around. Kids seem pretty clumsy these days with their ice creams.

    MZZT the writer: Arabian dessert?...

    Maybe the writer: perhaps you should be more concerned that blujay is dead!

    Reverand: Blujay? I thought we were mourning the loss of a bluejay. You know, the mascot of the Massassi Forums company.

    *blujay then walks up*

    blujay: Why are all you writers outside?

    MZZT the writer: Well, uh, you see, we were trying to fix a water problem, and the building exploded, and...

    blujay: Exploded?... If you're talking about the explosion of graffetti on the building, namely the big red "BOOM" written on it...

    writers: Shwa? But...*comments of disbelief*

    blujay: Now get back inside! You might hurt someone out here now that it seems apparent how psychotic you ISB people are.

    *Grumbling, the other writers walk back in. Ford the writer grabs Haggis the writer with them.*

    (NSP: Sorry, but I'd rather not kill off someone like blujay. Since the writers seem to be highly delusional though, everything else is still in question--I'd just rather keep the actions of the writers to a minimal myself. If someone had some big plan though, go ahead )

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited May 11, 2003).]
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
    http://forums.theplothole.net

  28. #1708
    Jim7 the Writer, sitting in the corner, looks at the other writers...

    J7tW: You fools you should have seen that the building was still here...

    The other writers look at Jim7 the Writer, sigh, then go about their business

    (NSP: yeah it was short but i felt i needed to post something)

    ------------------
    JUST DO IT!...

    ...tomorrow
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  29. #1709
    ⌐_⌐
    ¬_¬

    Posts
    6,095
    (NSP: Hahaha... I love destroying things with a mere whim!!! Heh... Nice responces, Tracer and Geb!... I should randomly blow stuff up more often )


  30. #1710
    (NSP: Fair enough, Geb. I'll apologize in advance if this post screws anything up, but (no offense intended) NeS has been a little hard to follow since about the top of this page.)

    *In the writers' realm...*

    blujay: "Well, have you learned your lesson?"

    Geb the Writer: "Yes. Avoid all contact with the outside world."

    blujay: "Precisely. Now get back to work, you."

    *The door slams shut.*

    Geb the Writer: "Okay. Let's get on with the story."

    Tracer the Writer: "I'm confused. I don't even understand what's happening."

    In the Heroes' Realm...

    *TLTEKirby stands in front of a smashed television set.*

    Kirby: "Oprah Winfrey enrages me."

    TLTE: "Pay attention when I'm talking to you! We've got to get to know one another if we're to inhabit the same body."

    Kirby: "Sorry. Please continue to enthrall me with your gripping and topical story."

    TLTE: "Very well then. So, I'm left for dead in downtown St. Petersburg, armed with only my shoes - hey, you're being sarastic!"

    Kirby: "Look, pal, I'm all for this emotional sharing, but the last time I did something EVAL was (checks watch) at least fifteen minutes ago, and I'm starting to get ants in the pants."

    TLTE: "They're my pants too you know."

    Kirby: "Yes. What's your point?"

    TLTE: "You never spare me any consideration. It's always 'I'm Kirby! Let's do what I want to do! Weeee!'"

    Kirby: "I don't think I like where you're taking this..."

    TLTE: "Once, just once, I would like to get a little politness. A please or a thank you, a 'did you have any plans for today, The Last True Evil?', something, anything, that would let me know you care."

    Kirby: "Just stop. I beg you."

    TLTE: "Oh that's great, that's wonderful. I'm really loving that! Just keep pouring salt on the wound. It's only my delicate state of mind you're tearing into."

    Kirby: "Now who's being sarcastic, smart guy?"

    *Before the odd visage of TLTEKirby arguing with himself can escalate any further, the door is kicked off its hinges!*

    Suit #1: (waving a gun around) "Area secure! We've located him!"

    Suit #2: "Sir, are you alright?"

    TLTEKirby: "I'm under quite a lot of duress right now, and I'll thank you to not increase it by aiming loaded firearms at my person."

    *The Suits blink.*

    Suit #1: "Area secure! We've located him!"

    Suit #2: "Sir, are you alright?"

    Kirby: "Who are these strange men?"

    TLTE: "Most likely KGB operatives on a mission to retrieve myself, The Last True Evil, and whisk me back to Russia so I may begin my next bid for world domination."

    Kirby: "Sounds good. Let's go!"

    TLTE: "The old me would have gone with them in an instant, eager to combat the forces of good. The new me, however, knows that the flowering of true fulfillment can only grow from the companionship of someone you love. Perhaps I should give Losien, my old nemisis, a call..."

    Kirby: "This is unbelieveable! I want out!"

    TLTE: "If only that thought had struck you before you chose to jointly posess my body. You pathetic mushroom."

    Kirby: "I'm not a mushroom!"

    TLTE: "Then what are you? Some other type of legume?"

    Kirby: "Shut up!"

    TLTE: "Bwahaha! The tormentor becomes the tormented."

    *The entire give and take is lost on the Soviet Suits, who see only TLTE engaged in verbal combat with himself.*

    Suit #1: "Area secure -"

    Suit #2: "I know. You've said that three times."

    Suit #1: "Sorry. I was going to keep repeating it until the situation made sense."

    Suit #2: "Let's just gas him and take him back to base."

    Suit #1: (shrugs) "Okay."

    *The second suit tosses a grenade, which rolls to a stop at TLTEKirby's feet. Tranquilizing gas begins to leak out, and TLTEKirby immediately collapses, unconcious.*

    ------------------
    ******.
    COUCHMAN IS BACK BABY

  31. #1711
    Child's Play CharityGoY's Pessimistic Soy Boy Toy
    Posts
    17,363
    ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
    ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ

  32. #1712
    NSP: Sorry, guys, I suppose I did step over the line. I just put too many dirty references in one post - as opposed to you guys, who put only one or two in per post - and have been doing so ever since page 1. *cough*Geb*cough* So, you see, I have put less dirty references in my entire tenure as writer here than some of you have throughout the entire story. Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    Okay, but seriously, I apologize. Thanks for letting me know I was getting out of hand. Guess I was having a weird day.

    RAM: It's NeS! It's ALWAYS a weird day!

    Right. I knew that.

    ------------------
    Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel!
    Visit my all-new website, the [url=http://com3.runboard.com/blazaruscitadel]Lazarus Citadel[/url!

  33. #1713
    SATAN INCARNATE
    Guest
    S51: Alright, so this goes on my pants?

    Geb: Of course it goes on your pants... where else would it go?

    S51: Well, it's a hat. One doesn't generally put a hat on one's pants.

    Geb: It's not a hat, it's the latest in fashion.

    S51: Really? Does fashion always look this utterly retarded?

    Geb: I spend money buying you something nice and all you can do is insult it?

    S51: I wasn't insulting the hat, I was insulting culture in general.

    Geb: IT'S NOT A HAT!

    S51: It's a closed piece of cylindrical piece of cloth with a brim? What the hell would you call it?

    Geb: A bloint.

    S51: ...A "bloint"?

    Geb: Yes.

    S51: ...You expect me to wear something called a bloint?

    Geb: Why does the name make any difference?

    S51: You really think I want people to look at me and say "Hey, check out that bloint-wearing-guy!"

    Geb: You think people actually say that?

    S51: Well I would.

    Geb: Alright, give it back to me. I'll buy you a gun or something... something you'll use.

    S51: No no, give it to me. I promise I'll use it.

    Geb: What're you going to do with it?

    S51: I'm going to wear it as a hat.


    ------------------
    The Forge - SuperS51's Model Portfolio

    "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."

  34. #1714
    Registered User
    Posts
    154
    B.U.M.P! say it with me now! B.U.M.P!

    ------------------
    In The beginning the universe was created.
    this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

  35. #1715
    A.S.R.T.D.!

    (Avian Simian Related Technical Difficulties!)

    NSP: Hmm...that's not quite as catchy as "B.U.M.P.!" Stupid exam week keeping me busy...
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories
    http://forums.theplothole.net

  36. #1716
    *A black helicopter touches down on the Hall of Heroes' helipad.*

    TLTEKirby: (steps out) "Ah, London. Not quite Moscow, but still a pleasant city."

    Suit #1: "Are you sure you want to go in alone, sir?"

    TLTEKirby: "Yes, comrade. Wait here."

    *TLTEKirby enters the Hall of Heroes.*

    Kirby: "Look, we're in their base. Are you sure you don't want to destroy the heroes in a wild orgy of destruction?"

    TLTE: "For the last time, no."

    Kirby: "Alright, but I still say we're making a huge mistake."

    TLTE: "Be silent, and let me do the talking. Remember our mutual agreement."

    Kirby: "Yeah, whatever..."

    TLTE: "I am quite serious. You may not have realized it, but we look quite insane when we converse, and my mission requires good people skills."

    Kirby: "Fine, fine, I'll keep a sock in it. I'd better get a chance to wreak some serious eval, though."

    TLTE: "You will, my friend, you will."

    *TLTEKirby continues trekking through the Hall of Heroes until he arrives at the lounge. The gang is all there: Gebohq and Galvatron shooting pool, CookedHaggis reading The London Times, MaybeChild watching TV. Janitor Bob is mopping a section of the floor while Krig stares intently into his bucket. Nobody notices TLTEKirby.*

    TLTEKirby: "Ahem."

    *Everybody looks up.*

    Galvatron: "Great Scott! It's TLTE! In our base!"

    Gebohq: "How did you penetrate our security systems?"

    Galvatron: "Right here! With us!"

    MaybeChild: "We don't have any security systems. You decided to buy a pool table instead, remember?"

    Gebohq: "Well, yeah, but don't we have armed guards or something?"

    Galvatron: "In the Hall of Heroes! Our home!"

    Gebohq: "Yeah you can actually stop that now, Galv."

    Galvatron: "Where we live!"

    *Gebohq cracks Galvatron on the head with his pool cue. The error is corrected, but Galv is left with a conspicuous dent in his head.*

    Gebohq: "So, what do you want, The Last True Evil? One final explosive showdown, so destructive that it could prove to be the end to us all?"

    Kirby: "Yes!"

    TLTE: "No!"

    Gebohq: "Okay?"

    TLTEKirby: "What I meant to convey was that I would like to speak to Losien."

    *Just then, Losien enters the lounge.*

    Losien: "Has anyone seen Mick? Oh, hi, TLTE."

    TLTEKirby: (reaching into his breast pocket) "Ah, Losien. It has been such a long time. I have something for you."

    *Everybody springs into action. Geb dives behind the pool table, Galvatron falls down and Krig stares intently into the bucket. MaybeChild screams, "Noooooo!", and makes a desperate slow-motion run for Losien.*

    TLTEKirby: "For you, my dear."

    Losien: "Aw, how sweet."

    *Losien accepts the rose and looks around.*

    Losien: "Why are you guys acting all strange?"

    Gebohq: (peeking over the table) "Is it safe?"

    Losien: "Of course it's safe, silly! The Last True Evil was just putting on a show of affection for me. (turns to TLTE) You are *so* cute."

    TLTEKirby: "Well...I...er..."

    *TLTEKirby begins mumbling in Russian, and the heroes regain their composure. Geb and Galv return to their game, and Krig stares intently into the bucket. Only MaybeChild remains wary.*

    TLTEKirby: "So, like, I was wondering if maybe, you know, I could have dinner. Uh, with you."

    Losien: "Of course you can! When?"

    TLTEKirby: "Is now a good time?"

    Losien: "Absolutely. Let's go."

    TLTEKirby: "Excellent."

    *TLTEKirby and Losien leave the Hall of Heroes, arms linked.*

    Gebohq: "Eight ball in the corner pocket."

    *Geb makes the shot.*

    MaybeChild: "Aren't you going to do something?"

    Gebohq: "About what? He asked her out, and she said yes. It's not a crime."

    MaybeChild: "But it's TLTE! He's evil! He always tries to kill us!"

    Gebohq: "Well -"

    MaybeChild: "Always!"

    CookedHaggis: "Perhaps we'd better warm up to the idea that The Last True Evil has retired from conquering the world in favour of more primal pursuits."

    Super S51: "I'm with Maybe here. We've got to do something, blast it!"

    *Super bangs his fist on the pool table for emphasis.*

    CookedHaggis: (snorts) "All this coming from the man who can't even wear his bloint properly."

    Super S51: "I'm telling you, it's a hat!"

    Gebohq: "Please don't hit the pool table."

    Kyle7: "I think the real question here is what are we going to do if The Last True Evil stops being evil. We'd be out of a job."

    *The east wall blows open and Jim7 appears, his death-metal theme song blaring.*

    Jim7: "Look at me! I'm evil! I'll fight!"

    *Jump-Bot comes bounding into the lounge.*

    Jump-Bot: "Victory is mine!"

    *Jump-Bot launches himself at Jim with a hilarious 'boing!' sound from his pneumatic legs. He tackles Jim and sends the both of them crashing through a window, all in one powerful jump.*

    Jim7: (receeding)"Ahhhhh!"

    *Everybody listens until Jim7's scream goes out of earshot.*

    Gebohq: "Where did that music come from?"

    Krig: "Hee hee. Krig see funny man in bucket."

    *Enjoy*.

    ------------------
    Schism.

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited May 17, 2003).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited May 17, 2003).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited May 17, 2003).]

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited May 17, 2003).]
    COUCHMAN IS BACK BABY

  37. #1717
    Child's Play CharityGoY's Pessimistic Soy Boy Toy
    Posts
    17,363
    Oh. Dear. I. Can't. Wait.

    *is being forced by geb to post*

    ------------------
    Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP
    ᵗʰᵉᵇˢᵍ๒ᵍᵐᵃᶥᶫ∙ᶜᵒᵐ
    ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ

  38. #1718
    On the ground we see Jim7 dusting himself off.

    Jim7 kicks jump-bot

    Jim7: piece of junk couldn't even hold together after only falling out of a 1st floor window...

    Jim7 starts walking off wondering what caused the extreme boredom that made him want to fight with someone.

    Jim7: maybe I'll go see if Rob fixed the go-kart.

    a few minutes later, at the garage...

    Rob: friggin piece of junk...

    Jim7: What's wrong?

    Rob: The steering wheel keeps falling off.

    Jim7: did you try duct tape?

    Rob: Not yet... but... GOOD IDEA!!!

    Rob duct tapes the wheel in place

    Rob: Holy carp that works

    Jim7: w00t... let's drive it...

    Rob: ok...

    Jim7 and Rob drive off in the go-kart

    ------------------
    JUST DO IT!...

    ...tomorrow
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  39. #1719
    ⌐_⌐
    ¬_¬

    Posts
    6,095
    * As Jim7 and Rob are driving down the street (well, weaving, appearantly Rob is drunk... again... [Author's note: Jim said this, not me. ]), they cross an intersection and get knocked off the road by a Dodge Viper. *

    Ares: AUGH! Darn kids... put a dent in my Viper! *Drives off*


  40. #1720
    Registered User
    Posts
    154
    as Ares drives off, a random bird passes by and bounces off Ares' windshield, leaving a splatter mark/fracture line on it much in the shape of Gebohq's face. as he veers about trying to see the road around the bird bits, the memories of his first encounter with Gebohq come flashing back. fighting off the blurry wavy line things worming their way across his vision, Ares swerves down the street. meanwhile, jim7 and rob go spinning down into a hobby shop, smashing into a light pole, causing it to wobble. the go-kart bounces upwards, at which point Jim7 discovers that he should have sprung for real duct-tape instead of the cheaper mallard tape as the steering wheel flies upwards, smashing the light bulb and causing sparks to fly everywhere. as the steering wheel falls back down, the rampant electricity from the light pole plays across the street, the steering wheel, and Jim7's recently aquired tattoo. the steering wheel falls down, bouncing off of rob's head and aquiring a charge as it passes over Jim7. the steering wheel then smashes into the hobby shop and electrifies a small airplane, sending it racing out of the building and up the street where it intersects the path of the random bird as it reflects off Ares' windshield. as the two intersect, a plot hole appears and spews out random radiation, merging the electrified plane and the random bird into a terrifying monster, which, due to the simple fact that the overall plot of NeS had been degrading for several weeks, was only the size of a small dog. intent on revenge, the monster chased after Ares. crashing through his rear window, the monster bounces off the front windshield and attempts to drive its beak into the already distracted Ares skull. instead it hits the flashback effect and the two cancel each other out, blasting the front windshield out in the process, allowing Ares to clearly see the brickwall as he runs into it.as he climbs out of the remains of his car, he trips and falls over a small chunk of rust.
    "borng!"
    standing back up, Ares dusts himself off and looks at the unholy merging of Dodge Viper and Brick Wall. fairly sure this is all Gebohq's fault somehow, due to the fact that Gebohq's face was the last thing he remembered seeing, Ares kicks the small chunk of rust, causing it to bounce off the car and land square against his chest, where the rust promptly slides off and the Small useless device that goes "Bing!" promptly attaches itself to Ares.
    SUDTGB:"Bing! bing bing bing bing bing!"
    as the SUDTGB makes its own version of diabolical Laughter, Ares decides that he should go back to his original plan. everything would be much better if he could just defeat Gebohq like he had wanted to in the first place.
    -------------
    there you have it, the long post I was promising.

    ------------------
    In The beginning the universe was created.
    this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

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