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Thread: The Never-ending Story Thread

  1. #161
    Sem finally decides just to do away with this whole business once and for all.
    Sem, at the official's table:"yes I need a pocket-sized fusion generator."
    Official:"well young man, you'll need forms 1582, 1584, and 1589, certification of in-state residence, and a quantam physics safety certification."
    Sem produces the required items, and recives a bluish-glowing cylander marked "energizer"
    he then runs back to the crow's nest and stats looking through the otter's things.
    comming to the closet, he flips through 2 pairs of black-leather pants, a black leather thong, and a few of the otter's prized volumes, and finally comes to a pink-velvet bunny suit.
    returning to gonk2m4, he strapps the narrator to the top with some leather bonds he found in the crow's nest, and pop's out gonk2m4's duracell battery. replacing it with the energizer fusion thingie, he clads gonk2m4 in the bunny suit, and ZOOOOOM!!!!!
    at a rate of 587 "gonk"'s per second the little guy shoots off, gone out of the arena forever....... we think.


    <<<<<The events in this post have been altered to concern Gonk2m4, which was reconstructed by the crew of star-trek from the molten puddle of Gonk left behind by the wet rat, in order to restore the space-time continum

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

    [This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited April 15, 2000).]
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  2. #162
    Geb: Uh-oh

    Antestarr: What da ya mean "Uh-oh"?

    Geb: Don't you just realized what's happened? The inevitable CONFLICTING POSTS PHENOMEONON just rolled on by. Gonk is dead AND he's speeding away in a bunny suit. *turning to Sem*Where the hell did you find that bunny suit anyway?

    Sem: *With a grin on his face*In theOtter's closet.

    Otter: (in austin powers voice)It's not mine, I swear!

    *Sem pulls out a video tape cover that looks like the cover for "A Christmas Story", but it says "A Neverending Story" instead. theOtter is wearing a pink bunny suit, with Semievil, Gebohq on either side. Other notable characters are in the background.*

    Otter: It's a forgery! They're trying to frame me man!

    Antestarr: Sorry to stop your wonderful conversation, but shouldn't it of not exist in the first place?

    Geb: (looking at his chrono)3..2..1..

    *At that moment, the crew of Star Trek: the Next Generation steps in, tricorders in their hands*

    Picard: Captain's Log stardate 12345678.9. We have landed on an M class planet that is experiencing a rare disturbance in space-time...

    *Also at this moment, it has been discovered that nearly all the writers have been replaced with newer ones, so to fit the theme...*

    The Neverending Story: the Next Generation! Featuring an all new cast: theOtter, Semievil, Antestarr, and an old member, Geb!

    Sem: Oh boy. This is gonna be fun. Can't wait for the Star Wars vs. Star Trek debates to start showing up now. Better prepare myself for the savage fans.
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  3. #163
    anticipating the 19-21 savage fan base to be entirely female......
    Sem spritzes some breath freashener into his mouth....

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

    [This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited April 13, 2000).]
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  4. #164
    Suddenly, a short girl wanders in.

    MaybeChild: Um, is it just me, or did I just see a pink bunny suit go flying by?

    Antestarr: It's just you.

    Geb: Be nice. Yeah, you did, problem was that the dude in that bunny suit was supposed to be dead!

    Sem *noticing Maybe's helpless, confused look* : Geb, you're confusing the poor thing even more. *another spritz of breath freshener* ....

    ------------------
    "It will all work out in the end." "How will it?" "I don't know, it's a mystery." ~Shakespeare in Love
    "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

  5. #165
    *As Sem spritz some breath-freshener in his mouth, Maybechild backs away instinctivly*

    Maybechild: Eeeeeah, that's OK.

    Sem: What do you-oh. OH! HAhahaha..you thought, with me doing, hahahaa...that wasn't for you! You're not what I'm after. Rather, I await the young madiens coming my way.

    Maybechild: That's a relief...I think. I don't know whether to take that in a good way or a bad way.

    *What Semievil didn't know was that the 19-21 year old fanbase of Star Trek and Star Wars had not a single female in it, at least not any that were recognizably female. The mass of fans that came were rather all single (and with good reason) males: all overweight, unshowered from staying on the Internet, and wearing costumes or shirts saying "I love Star Trek" or "I love Star Wars".*

    *Sem's eyes grew wide as he saw the grand army of nerds heading his way. He would have to do something about this situation quickly.*
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  6. #166
    Sem, relizing his mistake too late, is forced to act quickly.... so he must logically therefore..... RUN AWAY!!!!!
    Lowering his shoulder, a sheer mass of solid bone, he lunges forward, and somewhat to the left, knocking 4 fans out of the way, and slamming annother to the ground. The short time this spectacular retreat has brought him gives him time to formulate a plan. Using the force he leaps the remaining distance to the official's table, fills out the required forms (4568, 1586, 1278, 2384a, 2384e, and 5002) and is granted 2 smallish axes, 2 bucklers, and a high power sound system.
    Donning and activating the appropriate gear, a sudden blast of battle music sounds, with a distinctive celtic ring. Letting forth a blood-curdling roar, and working himself into a berzerker fenzy, he leaps down from the table and begins to tear through the crowd....
    And then suddenly, the space-time tear repaired, the crowds of fans disappear, the star trek crew vanishes, and sem is left spinning in wild circles, hacking deeply into anything that ventures near, including the duck atop the memorial built to the thread killer, which now lies in 3 pieces, eternally relived of it's squeak....

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  7. #167
    MaybeChild: Ohh, the mysterious disapearance of a crowd of unruly fans. The death of Rob X. Looks like a mystery needing a solution.

    Gebohq: What are you talking about? I killed Rob X in "temporary insanity" and the crowd disappeared because they never existed.

    Maybechild: Shhhh...don't let the audience know that! It's my evil way of slipping Scooby-Doo references in here now.

    Antestarr: Uh-oh...

    *The arena takes on a old cartoon look to it. Maybechild looks very similar to Thelma, Miss Fire looks like Daffony, Antestarr looks like Freddy, and Gebohq looks like Shaggy. Naturally, theOtter takes on the role of Scooby-Doo.*

    Geb: Boy, I've suddenly got a craving for food.
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  8. #168
    Sem, having slipped away unnoticed, is now to be found in the crow's nest, once again tearing through the otter's wardrobe....
    Sem: "Aha! this it it... what I've been looking for! it's perfect!"
    moments later a 1/2 Sam, 1/2 Max creature, with a bright green super-natural aura, graced the scene out in the arena, the very picture of the classic Scooby-Doo Monster.....

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  9. #169
    Meanwhile, the kids are still standing at the scene of the mystery, looking pensive.
    Antestarr: Well, gang, looks like we need to split up & look for clues. Geb, go with Maybe and the Otter, and Miss Fire & I will--(he got cut off)
    Geb: Hey, how come you get to go with Miss Fire?
    Maybe: (whacks Geb in the back of the head) Because you're going w/ me, dummy. (*echoes of "I'm the dummy, Micky, I'm always the dummy" are heard in Maybe's head--she shuts them up) Just don't tell a certain knight from the realm I came from.
    *suddenly, an ungodly roar is heard as a frightening, hunched over green thing lumbers in*
    Geb: ZOINKS!!!
    Maybe: Jinkies!
    Miss Fire: Jeepers!
    Antestarr: I've got a plan!
    The Otter: (whispering to Antestarr) You're not supposed to have a plan yet, not for another 20 minutes...
    Antestarr: Damn. Ok, then, RUN!!!
    *mad chasing scene, w/ "Recipie for My Love" from the Mr. Hyde episode playing. the entire group runs in mad circles around the place the layout of which MC does not know.*
    Maybe: Gebby, I lost my glasses! help me find them!
    Geb: uh, Maybe, you weren't wearing glasses.
    Maybe: Jinkies! You mean that I've been missing my glasses all this time? Someone must have stolen them! Another mystery! *the otter whacks MC in the back of the head* ah, thanks, Otter, I needed that. Nevermind that glasses crap, temporary idiocy...

    ------------------
    "It will all work out in the end." "How will it?" "I don't know, it's a mystery." ~Shakespeare in Love
    "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

  10. #170
    *Amidst the running/dancing going on amongst the group, the twisted designers of this tread decide to throw in another obscure reference from somewhere that manages to break yet another copyright. Raistlin Majere appears from the shadows of the bleachers, garbed in his classic red robes, his mottled metallic yellow skin glistening in the firelight, and his narrow golden eyes peering over the actions with his creepy hourglass shaped pupils contracting narrowly. (was that run-on enough?)*

    Raistlin: Hmm... now how'd I get here... I knew that I disappeared from Krynn, but what is this place? *Coughs, and wipes blood from mouth* I need to fix up one of my herbal mixtures... that burning hulk of funeral pyre looks like a good place!

    *Raistlin moves over to the funeral pyre of the great thread killer and prepares his herbal drink to soothe his coughing. A disgusting smell wafts over to the motley crew.*

    TheOtter: Ruh-roh! Rats rot rinner!

    *As Raistlin gulps down his mixture, his coughing subsides and he contemplates his next move. It is then that he senses the aura of Galv, and, mistaking it for the aura of a giant red dragon, dashes for cover to plan an attack spell.*

    Antestarr: Can I have a plan yet?
    Gang: NO!
    Antestarr: Ok, how about we find out what the mystery is, then?

    *After a quick rest from running around the arena, the gang decides to go on and try to figure out why there would be a monster terrorizing the arena.*
    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  11. #171
    *While Antestarr, Miss Fire, and MaybeChild search the arena for clues to the new mystery, Gebby and theOtter begin a search of their own: to find what food they can.*

    Gebby: Man, am I starvin'!
    Otter: Mre roo!
    Gebby: hey, whadda you know? A whole fridge of unguarded food, and all for us!

    *Gebby and Otter start stacking meats, cheeses, lettuce, tomato, and a number of things not normally found on a sandwich, and squished it all between 2 slices of bread. Licking their lips, they were about to take their first bite when the monster they were looking for stood right behind them. They turned their heads, and then looked at each other, shaking.*

    Gebby: Is that wha-wha-what I think it is Otter?
    Otter: Ruh-huh.
    Gebby: I think this would eb a good time to GET OUTTA HERE! AHHH!!

    *Gebby and theOtter throw their sandwiches on the monster and began to run for it. After a few moments of being distracted, the monster grunted and ran after them.*

    *Meanwhile, Antestarr is jumping up and down as the other two are looking for clues.*

    Antestarr: I got a plan though! Can't I use it now?
    MissFire: Oh fine, go ahead. What is it?
    Antestarr: Well, as in all Scooby-Doo episodes, the monster is always around the people who don't want to see them, in this case it being Gebby and Otter. And we know they went to the "Crow's nest" to get food, as they always do. Soon enough, they'll be running out, monster on their tail. So I think we should place banna peels by the entrance, then place a gurny in front of those. The gurny will carry our monster to a lava pit, where as he's falling, can land in the net below.
    MaybeChild: Sounds a little elaborate. Why can't we just grab the guy as he's coming out?
    Antestarr: That's just not how it's done, ok? Let's do it guys!

    *As Gebby, Otter, and the monster exit the Crow's Nest, all three fall into the trap, and all three get caught in the net. After some untangling, and tying up the monster, MaybeChild takes off its mask. They all gasp.*

    Everyone: Old man Sem!

    *Antestarr flips through the previous posts*

    Antestarr: Wait, I thought Sem created the mosnter. How could he BE the monster?
    MaybeChild: Quie simple. Sometime during the confusion, Sem killed the monster, skinned it, and put it on himself. Using the fear that came with the monster, he was hoping that we'd never find the jewels that he was after.
    MissFire: Jewels? Since when was there any of those in the arena?
    MaybeChild: When the scriptwriters wrote it in.
    MissFire: Oh.
    MaybeChild: And he almost got away with it too.
    Sem: Yes, I would of gotten away with it if it weren't for you medling kids. And that Otter too!
    Gebby: Wait, what about RobX's death? I thought this whole thing was all about that?
    MaybeChild: You said yourself you killed him.
    Gebby: Bu-bu, oh nevermind! Ack! It's the monster!
    MissFire: No silly, that's just Otter putting on the mask.

    *Everyone, including Sem, laughed at hte situation. Just then, all the lava from the lava pits shot up, and Raistlin stood before them.*

    Rastlin: Mwahahahaha! I will destroy the red ragon, wherever he is! Even if I have to drown this entire arena in molten rock!

    Geb: Well that's not a nice thing to do.
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  12. #172
    Sem, unamused by the lava Raistlin is dripping on the cosume bids him stop.

    Raistlin:"You pithy little skeleton, bugger off then!"

    Sem, having had 2 rather large sandwiches tossed on him, slipped on a bananna peel, been tossed over a pit of lava is in no mood for this......
    Letting out a mighty roar, and again lowering his massive, sheer-bone shoulder, he rushes Raistlin who absorbs the blow like a jello mold, and colapses unconsious on the ground, where sem quickly ties him down using fibers from the bananna peels.

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  13. #173
    That was rude.
    <notices Gebohq never took the lampshade off>
    Today is the day after the day before after the day two days before tomorrow, as of two days before yesterday.

  14. #174
    The fibers, being from bannana peels, are somewhat slippery, so Sem is having a hard time trying to tie them. Deciding to be "nice", Raistlin offers to lend a hand.
    Sem: (not thinking) That would be helpful, thanx.
    Raistlin: Well see, you take this one over, then under, and loop this around here (fiddling w/ the fibers, getting them off of himself and onto Sem) and then this end goes through there, and pull this one and there ya go. (stands up, over Sem who is now laying tied up in hopelessly tangled fibers on the ground.)
    Sem: (looking at himself perplexedly and squirming a bit) Hey! Wait a minute! No fair!

    Raistlin stands there laughing, while the others who have been standing obliviously by singing and having a little be-in begin to notice the trouble Sem is in.

    Sem: I'm gonna need little help from my friends...
    Geb: (high on you-know-what) What's wrong, Sem? (goes back to singing) "Mari-juana, mari-juana, juana juana, mari mari..."
    Sem: DANG IT, YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT'S WRONG! YOU IDIOT!
    Otter: Now Sem, that's not very nice. Here, take a hit, it'll make you feel better.

    As Sem shakes his head, beginning to think he's doomed, and Raistlin starts to reach for a lightsaber on the ground (because some careless person forgot to take care of their delicate weapon), MC approaches, taking off strand after strand of love beads.

    MaybeChild: (singing) beads, flowers, freedom, happiness; beads, flowers, freedom, happiness (she starts to wrap the beads around Raistlin, who looks over his shoulder, confused) beads, flowers, freedom, happiness...
    Gebohq: (also singing) Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare (he starts walking around Raistlin with a long, long daisy chain, creating the same effect as a dog tethered to a tree that keeps running around and around the tree) love, love, love, love, drop-out, drop-out, drop-out, drop-out, be-in, be-in, be-in, be-in, love, love, love, love...
    Antestarr: (sticking a stick of incense in Raistlin's mouth and lighting it) take trips, get high, laugh, joke and goodbye... There we go, a new incense holder (grins)
    MaybeChild: Groovy idea, Ante! Come on, Sem, join the be-in!
    Sem: I would if I wasn't TIED UP!
    MaybeChild: Okay, well don't get excited man, it's cos I'm short, I know... (silently thanks Davy Jones) Here. (attempts to untie the knots in the bannana peel fibers) Hmm. This is bloody tangled, ya know that? (grabs the incense out of Raistlin's mouth, holds lit end up to fibers) This should work.
    Otter: *sniff, sniff* Uh, do you smell something like singed hair? *sniff, sniff* Uh, Maybe...
    Sem: (jumping 10 feet straight up in the air) YEEEEOWWWW!!!! MY ARMS!!!
    Maybe: Oops...

    ------------------
    "Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair!" ~Hair
    "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

  15. #175
    ST_Clan_Leader, after wiping off Max Guts, sits down on a 7/11 sign. Suddenly he spots a fat Cat coming towards him.

    Clan: Here, kitty! kitty! kitty!

    Morris: stuff it foo!

    Clan: Hey a cat that talks!

    Morris: Hey a human that states the obvious!

    Clan: *picks up Kit-Kat from ground* Share a Kit-kat with ya?

    Morris: no dammit gimme it all *smacks the bar out of Clan's hand and eats it wrapper and all*

    continued
    Hated By Hackers All Over The Zone

  16. #176
    Noticing the thick cloud of smoke has expanded to fill a rediculous area, Sem takes a deep breath and Duct-tapes(yes Duct-tape IS a proper noun)his mouth and nose shut. Gathering himself together, and examining the damage to his arms, he surveys the new scene.
    Then he spots Raistlin again. Emmitting a low rumble(for it is difficult to roar with a Duct-taped mouth) he rushes Raistlin again. This time Raistlin is not to be caught unprepared for the assault however, and sem is neatly parried away. Sem however is not to be so easily denied vengence for being reffered to as a mere "pithy skeleton", and seeing this to be so Raistlin makes a wise retreat away from the high-speed love beads that maybe is throwing around, not to mention the heavy cloud of happy air, so as not to be distracted during combat.....
    Sem meanwhile goes out of his frenzy just long enough to arm himselfan extensive process involving the destruction of the officials table, and the eventual granting to sem of an iron war maul.)This much accomplished, he works himself back into a frenzy, and goes off to hun.... err find the offensive Raistlin...

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  17. #177
    *Raistlin, now prepared for the battle about to ensue, thinks quickly as to what he will do. He watches as Sem arms himself across the arena from his location.*

    Raistlin (yelling across the arena): Heh. If you're going to try to be an evil pithy skeleton, you should at least do the evil part right. Now, watch and learn.

    *Raistling holds his arms up to the sky and utters a few words that fall from his mouth like feathers from a pillow that had just smacked a man on the head. The "happy cloud" lifted into the air and began to rumble. A large lightning bolt fell from the cloud, ran through Sem's iron war maul, and caused him to start convulsing where he stood. After recovering, his charred black body was covered in smoke and several strands of bone were sticking straight up on top of his head.*

    Raistlin: There! Now you know how to be evil. Now where did that dragon go...

    *Sem, seeing this as an opportunity, rushes back to the official's table (magically fully refreshed) and grabs a six foot pike. He then proceeds to mount Galv and readies himself for a dragoon style assault.*

    [This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited April 21, 2000).]
    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  18. #178
    (Sem mutters a curse at the story writers for giving him this flimsy little sharpened stick as a weapon)
    Sem snaps the pike into 2 and 4 foot parts, leaving him with a shortened spear and a smallish staff...
    Sem, dismounting, and still fuming(both from anger and lightnin'):"Get back here fool!! I ain' done with your lava-dripping arse..."

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  19. #179
    Maybe, having watched the entire scene wondering just how BAD that brown acid must have been cos she could have SWORN that Raistlin was still tied up w/ love beads and daisy chains, decides that it's time to make a little money off of this fight that's going on. She starts a betting pool, putting money herself on Sem. Meanwhile, Sem and Raistlin are facing off, neither one willing to give the other any quarter. Out of the blue, The Ride of the Valkyries from Wagner's The Ring of the Niebelung (sp?) starts playing...

    ------------------
    "Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair!" ~Hair
    "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

  20. #180
    Sem, quite angered now, as the lava has now permanently stained the costume, and he still hasn't landed any blows, closes on Raistlin.
    Raistlin: "go away, you long-past relic of necromancy."
    Sem lands a swift blow with the staff.
    Raistlin: "uogh"
    Raistlin lets forth with a lighning bolt.
    Sem responds to the sudden voltage with a burst of fury, landing a swift blow with his foot, and slipping the spear into Raistlin's side.
    Raistlin: "eugh"
    Sem grunts with satisfaction, and Raistlin lands a swift fist in Sem's jaw, but before he can retract it Sem locks the offending appendage into his elbow joint, and claps it shut, using a few of his finger bones as pins and bolts.
    Raistlin: "eek!"
    Raistlin attempts a retreat to recover, but finds himself hindered severly by 190 pounds of solid bone.
    Raistlin grunts solidly, and finally apologizes, and agrees to replace the costume.
    Sem colapses into a disheveled pile of bones.

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  21. #181
    Sem: Ouch...

    MaybeChild, seeing her pal Sem go down, hurries over after collecting her $$$. On the way, she realizes that she still looks too much like Thelma, even after donning her love beads for the be-in. Stopping for a moment, with Sem still lying in a heap of bones, she snaps her fingers, instantly changing back to her more slender self in perfectly-worn bluejeans, embroidered gauzy shirt, and loads of jewelry. Beginning once again to walk towards Sem, she let out her copious amount of red hair.
    MaybeChild: Sem, duder, you okay?
    Sem: (rather grumbly) Yeh, sure, of course I am. Just need to sleep for about 5 years, then I'll be in fighting condition again...
    Maybe: Aw come on, man, you kicked @$$! Ya put the fear of God in that guy.
    Sem: I'd rather put the fear of ME in him...
    Maybe: Eh, close enough. At least take the bleedin' Duck (yes it is Duck, ask Ms Mezz) tape off your mouth... *grabs edge of duck tape that remains on Sem's nose and cheeks*
    Sem: OOWOWWWWWWWW!!!
    Maybe: oops...
    Sem: *whimper* Why you always hurt me...?

    ------------------
    "Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair!" ~Hair
    "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

  22. #182
    *Meanwhile, still sitting on the ground in an.. uh... influenced state, Antestarr pulls out his cell phone, dials up one of his friends, and starts talking in a surfer accent.*

    Antestarr: Yo, man!
    Voice: Wazzup?
    Antestarr: Man, you need to listen to this.

    *Antestarr proceeds to take his shoe off and beat himself in the head with it.*

    Voice: Woah, what was that?
    Antestarr: My skull! Dude, man, I'm so freakin' wasted...
    Otter (to self): Hmm... somebody watches a few too many movies for his own good.

    *Antestarr then walks over to a new bar that has popped up in the arena as magically as the 7-11 had so many posts ago.*

    Bartender: Can I help you?
    Antestarr: A vodka tonic and a beer.

    *As the bartender turns around to prepare the drinks, a well endowed woman approaches Antestarr.*

    Antestarr: You know what? I'd like a bottle of your finest Champagne.
    Otter: Uh-oh... here we go again...
    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  23. #183
    *Otter runs into bar after Antestarr*

    Otter(panting):"Did someone say 'vodka'?

    *Antestarr still quite buzzed takes the buxom woman's breasts and holds them in his hands while singing, "I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts*

    Otter:"uh...bartender! yeah, could i have a pint?"

    bartender:"sure."

    *Otter takes Ante's hands off the uh........ ...mammary glands?*

    Otter(to Ante):"uh, why don't you uh...play with this bowl of beernuts!"

    Ante:"oKaY!.."

    *Ante tosses the beernuts wildly into the air while having the bowl land on top of his head*

    Otter(watching):"ooh boy..to bartender)can i also have about 3 Tequilas?"

    bartender:"shots?"

    Otter:"uh, no. bottles."

    *bartender laughs and starts to get the shotglasses*

    Otter:"DON'T F*CK W/ ME MAN!"

    *Otter lifts up bartender by collar of his shirt, both simoustaniouly turn their heads in time to see Ante launching beernuts out of his nose*

    Ante(huge grin on face):"tHaT oNe HiT tHe WaLl!"

    Otter(drops bartender on floor):"reeaally...did it really?(rolls eyes)"

    *glares @ bartender*

    bartender:"oh right, right!"

    *bartender starts to take all the liquor items of all of the shelves*

    Otter:"...and put them in this bag..."(points to his black satchel)

    *bartender looks @ how small the satchel is*

    Otter:"DO IT!"

    *while the bartender is rushing to put all the liquor into the satchel, Ante starts to stare again @ the woman's breasts and starts to slowly...reach out his hands...*

    Otter(puts full satchel over his shoulder):"Oh no you don't!"

    *grabs Ante by the back of his shirt collar and drags him back to the Crow's Nest, while Ante is making suckling noises in the big-breasted woman's direction*

    Otter:"ugh, almost forgot..."

    *drops Ante on the ground adruptly*

    Ante:"oUcH?!..."

    *Otter walks back in and pulls two bottles of Merlot out of his stachel*

    Otter(to bartender):"nothing but the finest."

    *bartender eagerly nods in agreement*

    *Otter then smashes both bottles of Merlot on oppostie sides of the entryway, bartender looks confused. Otter displays his "Vulcan's Torch" and lights the door on fire and before leaving turns to the bartender*

    Otter:"whoops, almost forgot to give you a tip."(throws ball of fire @ bartender)

    *Otter walks out slowly while the already enflamed bar suddenly has an explosion in the middle of it creating a huge black cloud*

    (Otter turns to Ante)Ante(w/ eyes eide open):"oooohh.....pretty fire!"

    Otter:"indeed."(puts hand on Ante's shoulder)

    *lightbulb lights in Ante's head*

    Ante:"MUST SAVE BIG-BREASTED WOMAN!"(while running back into the ablaze bar)

    Otter(reaches out w/ hand):"No, don't...go. aw, screw it!"(walks back to Crow's Nest)



    ------------------
    ---------------
    "sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun/ if the sun don't come you get a tan from standing in the english rain..."
    -The Beatles, Iam the
    Walrus

    ---------------
    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"

  24. #184
    *It is part of the female nature not to have their breasts held by another guy, that is, when the guy is doing this in a bar, drunk. Which is why it comes to no surprise to the female readers that when Antestarr came running out of the flaming bar, he brought what he thought was a big-breasted woman. Indeed, it had been the same person he was er...touching before, but what both Antestarr and theOtter didn't know was that the female was actually a he...*

    *These kind of things can only be expected though when you are drunk. A certain Aerosmith song played in the background as Antestarr would soon find out for himself who this person really was.*

    (heehee)
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  25. #185
    *suddenly, the Aerosmith stops and several drum beats come out of nowhere, and then: the electric guitar chord...*
    Busty Woman: "How'd'you do, I... see you've met my... bouncy little shelf. But seeing as how you... don't know me... I think I'll introduce myself." *Ante looks confused, Otter suppresses a laugh* "don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by its cover... I'm not much of a man, by the light of day, but by night I'm one hell of a lover... I'M JUST A SWEET TRANSVESTITE, FROM TRANSEXUAL TRANSYLVANIA..." *Antestarr drops Frank in horror and revulsion as Otter lets loose and falls to the ground in hysterical laughter*
    Ante: "oh my GOD!!!" *runs off screaming*
    Frank: "Oh, Ante!" *takes off after Antestarr*

    ------------------
    "Flow it, show it, long as God can grow it, my hair!" ~Hair
    "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me" ~ The Who's "Tommy"

  26. #186
    (side note)
    Duct tape is one of the crowning achivements of mankind, it binds the world together, fixes everything from trucks to computers, and comes in 6 colors.
    Duck tape is a far insuperior brand of this superb medium, having far more fibers than it should have, it is structurally inferior.

    Although cheeper, when something important is being bound, duck tape is insufficient.

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  27. #187
    Sem, still lying in a heap on the ground decides finally that his skin is too encumbering, and simply leaves it behind, leaving him as a stark white skeleton.
    Finding this form much easier to mend, he swiftly repairs himself, adjusts his imposing black cloak, and stands, for only the second time scince he entered NES bolt upright, a towering 6'4".
    He proceeds over to the ruined officials table where the battered, frightened DMV veterans ask him to fill out no forms for the new set of blood vessels he orders(he needs veins for adrenaline to course through). This done he picks up the maul, somewhat coroded, from the ground. Having armed and repaired himself he now sets off in search of Antestarr, intent on vengance for the practical joke played on him with the pike.....

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  28. #188
    Ante(to Otter):"well, the funny thing is that i didn't even mean to give him a PIKE, i actually went to the DMV table to order a DYKE, not a PIKE. But they didn't understand what i meant so they gave me something that sounded like it. They did say though that they would check if they had any and call me back later. I didn't have a use for the pike so i just gave it to Sem. That makes sense, doesn't it?"

    Otter:"uh...

    *but before Otter could finish his confused response, The Indigo Girls kicked down the door to the "Crow's Nest". As you see, as soon as Ante placed an order for a "DYKE" the NOW caught wind and sent their representative, "The Indigo Girls" to well...kick his *** for making that crude request!*

    Indigo Girls:"Which one of you made the deroggatory remarks toward lesbians?"

    *Otter points @ Ante, Ante realizes he is being pointed @ and turns around to point a finger @ someonelse, but finds no one else and releases a resounding "D'oh!". But before the Indigo Girls drag Ante away, they see Otter's 'unusually large' collection of err...Gentlemen's magazines and decide otherwise to live @ the Crow's Nest instead*

    Otter:"hey gals, are you still going to beat up Ante?"

    Indigo Girls(all heads tilted to the side and drooling):"huh? uh...i dunno...i guess so..."

    *Mindy (one of the Indigo Girls) picks up Ante and tosses him out of the Crow's Nest window, into the middle of the arena*

    Otter(by this point Otter is walking around in a smoking jacket and smoking a pipe):"well done my bunnies, well done!"


    ------------------
    ---------------
    "sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun/ if the sun don't come you get a tan from standing in the english rain..."
    -The Beatles, Iam the
    Walrus

    ---------------
    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"

  29. #189
    Seeing Ante drop from the sky and land directly in front of him (on his feet no less) Sem brings his 90 pound hammer into a smart crash on his lower legs, breaking 3 bones.
    Sem: "mmmm hm!"
    Ante: "ough"
    Sem drags Ante over to the officials table and sees to his medical treatment..... 2 hours later Ante stumbles back into the crows nest with a "Barney" cast on his left leg, and a "Tele-tubbies" cast on his right.
    Sem glows with pride in his work.

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  30. #190
    *The arena now takes on an appearance that more suits its ultimate purpose: as a fighting arena. In one corner was Semievil, jumping up and down, fists in front of him, ready to fight his contender. In the opposing corner was Antestarr, still resentful because he recieved a Barney and Telli-Tubby cast from his injuries. Antestarr was being given a few words of advise from his mentor, who looked suspisiously like the old guy in "The Karate Kid".*

    "Now Ante," the old guy started "remember: wax the car, paint the fence, and the crane."

    "What are you talking about?" Antestarr said. "What's a car? What fence? And I don't own a crane, I just want to kick this guy's @$$!"

    *The old man sighed, and Sem met Antestarr (who was riding on his horse, Artex) in the middle of the ring. The referee, who looks a lot like Mills Lane, signaled tehm to begin fighting.*

    "Haha!" Sem said. "i shall use my quicksand attack!"

    "But there isn't any sand here." Antestarr replied.

    *Never the less, Antestarr was sinking into the arena. He got off his horse and urged it to move out of the trap. It would not move however, and Antestarr began pleading*

    "Artex, you must move! You have to. ATREX, PLEASE! ARTEX!!!"

    *Antestarr kneeled before the space that occupied his beloved horse, and Sem laughed at the psychological damage he put Ante through.*

    ------------------
    "Always copping my truths, I kind of get the feeling that I'm being used. And now I realize you never heard one goddamn word I ever said." -"Loosing a Whole Year" [i]Third Eye Bling[/i[

    =Gebohq=
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  31. #191
    *Antestarr, twisted in rage at the loss of the horse, loses control over his mind and body.*

    Antestarr: You... you animal! How could you ruthlessly drown my horse in a sea of... uh... canvas!? First the cast and now this?! I CAN'T TAKE THIS KIND OF ABUSE!! *Antestarr puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles.* Trixie! Come 'ere girl!

    Sem: Trixie? And who's that, your mommy?

    *Sem starts laughing uncontrollably until his eyes fall on the 5 foot tall, 250 pound Rotweiler that had just bounded from Ante's vessel to the scene of the fight. The dog proceeded to leap onto Sem, catching him off guard and knocking him off balance. Trixie then proceeded to grab one of Sem's legs with her teeth, pulled it out of socket, and trotted off contently knawing on the bone and searching for a proper burial spot.*

    Ante (approching the dog): Good girl *pets her*. That's my wonderful puppy. You get extra table scraps tonight. *Returning to Sem* Now, as for you, take this!

    *Ante proceeds to kick Sem in the ribs with the foot that resided in the cast, leaving red, yellow, green, and purple marks all in proper shapes...*
    Pereant qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.

  32. #192
    *As Otter and his 'bunnies' stare from their penthouse view, all the Indigo Girls are all around Otter and dressed up like Playboy bunnies*

    Otter(to arena floor and clapping):"Good show men! Good show!"

    ¤Bunnies also giggle and laugh¤

    *Suddenly the door opens and an old creepy looking man walks in*

    Old Man:"What are all of ya' kids doing up here?"(while shaking his mop and bucket @ them)

    Otter:"Ohh...right, you must be the janitorstarts to instictively to pull out sword)Hey are those kids over there stealing the urinal cakes?"

    Old Man:"¤gasp¤ wher--

    *but before he could finish his sentence Otter had pulled out his Huskarl sword swung it over his head, and sliced it through the old man's collar bone all the way down to his hip bone. after the swing the old man just collapsed onto the bathroom into 2 disheveled pieces, as Otter watched his blood trickle down towards the drain, he remembered...*

    Otter(in happy go lucky voice):"Almost forgot! We have to return 'Psycho' my midnite tonight!"

    Bunnies(whilest tossing their hair):"Oh yeah..."


    ------------------
    ---------------
    "sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun/ if the sun don't come you get a tan from standing in the english rain..."
    -The Beatles, Iam the
    Walrus

    ---------------
    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"

  33. #193
    Reacting swiftly, Sem removes his other leg and pulls a rapid up swing into Ante's chin.
    Ante stumbling back, Sem throws a bone from his leg at Ante, hitting him........ below the belt.
    Mills:"No hits below the belt! I wanted a good clean fight! Time out for you!"
    His plan having succeded Sem drags himself off to the official's table and beats the DMV guy with a femur until he gives Sem a black suitcase.
    Sem hides under his cloak for several minutes, as a low rumble shakes through the arena.
    Sem emerges, now again a complete skeleton, this time in a shiny jet-black bone color that matches his cloak perfectly, to the sound of 4 hollow, haunting chords.
    Ante shinks back in horror as he recognizes the overature to JCS.
    Sem realizes that although this is good fight music, it would give him an unfair advantage and changes it to the Mortal Combat theme.
    Following this minor programing change Sem re-enters the arena, black cloak flowing dramatically, wielding a peculiar weapon that appears to have been fasioned from the upper jaw and hind leg of Tixie.
    <note:as part of Sem's new skeleton, the broken, Barney tie-dyed ribs have been replaced.>
    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

    [This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited April 29, 2000).]
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  34. #194
    *Geb, still, er..."far out there" from the happy hour session, sits in the Crow's Nest, watching Otter and his women. OK, so just his women.*

    Geb: Wow...those are SOME groovy chicks. Hey Otter, what's that over there?

    Otter: (wisperign) Shut u-up.

    *The Otter is placed in a very um...sticky prediciment when his "bunnies" see the swedish-made penis enlarger behind the toilet.*
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  35. #195
    Suddenly Ante is thrust unpreped into battle, wielding only a tooth of morris' that fell out when he was eating whatever small nation he ate last, and a canister of silly string.
    Ante the storywriter: "Wait a second, Sem, you can't use that weapon."
    Sem the storywriter: "WTH do you mean I can't use that weapon!?!?"
    Ante storywriter: "Well, you play EQ, you tell me- you are wielding a Shaman-type weapon with a Dark-Evil type charachter. you have to change the weapon to something more fitting. Like a Gigantic black-enamal executioner's axe."
    Sem storywriter: "I don't wanna! I like my weapon!"
    Ante story-guy suddenly picks up a rubber duck from the table, and hits Sem story guy in the head, rendering him unconsious.
    EMT Has to take Sem off to examine the possability of concussion.
    Ante story guy, to the rest of the story board: "Ok.... now to change that weapon."
    Gebohq story guy: "Ante that's not fair, you hit him, you have to honor his wishes.... he keeps the weapon."
    Ante story guy: "DOH!"
    Moments later, back in the arena Ante squares off with Sem, now a suspiciously accurate rendition of Yoda, only 6 inches shorter...... and still wielding the Dog-Jaw weapon...

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  36. #196
    *Otter stands there w/ a surprised look on his face*

    Otter(talking to himself w/ inside voice):"uh...uh..looks to brain)

    Otter's brain:"Don't look @ me!"

    *looks down to stomach*

    Otter's stomach:"Mmm....Rolos...."

    *looks down to.interrupts)

    Otter's d*ck:"Aw, shaddup! you know what im gonna say anyway..."

    Otter(laughs to himself):"hehe...oh yeah."

    *lightbulb goes off*

    Otter:"hey girls! look over there!"(points in opposite direction of SPE)

    *Otter quickly grabs the SPE and throws it out of the Crow's Nest window*

    Otter:"uh...you can stop looking over there now..."

    Bunnies:"wha? (giggle) okay!"


    ------------------
    ---------------
    "sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun/ if the sun don't come you get a tan from standing in the english rain..."
    -The Beatles, Iam the
    Walrus

    ---------------
    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"

  37. #197
    Geb: Should I dare ask what's in hte closet?

    Otter: No.

    Geb: OK then. Mmmm...what's this?

    *Gebohq picks up "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and starts to read it.*

    *Meanwhile, theOtter teaches his women the "Dehlia game", where he gets to tickle their, um...yeah.*

    (And then the Geb writer gets fired for being so lazy to make a short and meaningless post. But then again, when have ANY of these posts have a meaning? Lemme leave you with a question: how many posts does it take to get to teh end of a neverending story? The world may never know...)
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  38. #198
    Meanwhilst, Ante, back down in the arena, is attempting to dis-arm Sem, who despite his newfound from is still wielding a formidable weapon (which the storywriters have agreed to let him have until it drops in the natural course of the story) thus it is an akward scene, Sem holding on to the end of the dog bones, Ante holding the jaw, shaking it, with Sem attached around in the air, and Sem's cloak, now of course slightly large comming from a 6'4" skeleton to a 1'6" muppet-looking jedi gnome, is waving around so that it looks like Ante is trying to signal the crow's nest.
    Sem, with apropriate voice: "NO! MY weapon it is, or I will duel you not!"
    At the same time Sem the story-guy is laid up in the hospital, and a youngish nurse comes into the room, bearing food, and several recent bruises.
    Sem story guy: "Sem, not does Coke, function well without!"
    The nurse(judged by the older nurses in the hospital to be the only one capable of running this gauntlet) dodges aside just in time to be missed by a piece of the bed, that Sem, despite the restraints, managed to work loose and throw. Throwing the food onto the bedside table she makes a hasty retreat, closing the door in time to stop a hypodermic needle that burrows deep into the wood. Seeing she is gone, Sem the story guy takes out one of 4 remaining hypodermic needles that he has managed to get filled with coke, injects himself, and rubs his wrists where he has broken the feeble restraints.
    Sem story-guy: "hmm.... if I don't get out of here soon caffine withdrawl might become a serious issue...."

    ------------------
    Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

    [This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited May 02, 2000).]
    In Soviet ISB, NeS writes YOU!

  39. #199
    *Sem the story-writer's eyes dart about, searching for the elusive source of caffine his body desperately needed. Once he looked out the window, his eyes widened in glee as he saw across the street at a gas station, a coke machine. He took the bedsheets, tied them together to form rope, and threw one end out the window. He then began to walk out the window when he realizes he forgot to tie the other end. Sem fell down the 50 stories in a Prince of Persia like fashion.*

    Sem: AhhhhhhHHHHAAAHHHHhhhhhHHHHAAAAaaahhhhHHHHAAAAA--*SPLAT!*

    *After the dust settled, Sem got back onto his feet and, like an undead warrior, walked with arms outstretched towards the glowing soda machine. As he walked into the street grunting, cars swerved and crashed into things much more explosive then they should have been. Finally, he reached the soda machine and, not being able to wait one moment longer, pushed the Coke button with all his might. The only response he recieved was a blinking "75 cents needed" on the dispenser. Reaching in his pocket, he found that he had only some lint and a shirt button.*

    *There would be hell to pay.*

    *Meanwhile, within the Massassi Temple, the bad writers continued to labor over the Neverending Story Thread. As Gebohq typed up his latest post, his phone rang, and he picked it up. The voice on hte other end spoke with a female tone that tried being all too nice.*

    voice: Yes, is there a Mr. Ge...Geboo..Gebohque here?

    Geb the writer: He will be when you stop calling.

    *Before she could say anything else, Geb proptly hung up. He continued to write his greatest post yet! Well...as long as it had Morris the cat in it anyways...*
    Featured ISB thread: The Never-ending Story Thread^2

  40. #200
    *Trying w/ all his might Sem pushed the button for some precious caffeinne, but alas to no avail. just then Sem hears a familar jingle,"..this is the taste, the one of a kind taste of goodness..." but before the jingle had time to finish Sem screamed in fanatical joy...*

    Sem:"DR. PEPPER!"

    *Sem's eyes get as big as silver dollars as the Dr. Pepper truck rides up (in actuality it was a commercial being taped) he starts to instinctively reach out his hand for the Dr. Pepper, but before he could get in reach of it changed courses*

    Sem:"WHA? NOOOOOOOO!"

    *As Sem closely watches it, as it turns to the left slightly and then stop. Sem walks around the back to get a closer inspection and finds that the two men driving the truck had been mercilessly been decapetated by...*

    Sem:"Jar Jar Binks and Qui Gon-jin?"

    *Their obviously FAKE counterparts take off their masks to unveil the Otter and (special guest star) Mel Brooks!*

    Mel Brooks and Otter(in unison):"later."

    Sem(angry):"What do you mean 'later.' aren't ya gonna fight me or say something witty and then speed off into th..

    *But before Sem could finish his complaint they were already gone*

    *In the truck*

    Otter:"but i thought that was witty.."

    Mel Brooks:"Nope, more random than anything else."

    Otter:"Ah."

    *Back @ the intersection*

    ¤Sem still staring @ where the two sped off to, a shaky teenage boy that was breaking out w/ a constanly changing voice, ran up next to Sem panting¤

    Teenager:"Mr.Tribiani gonna have my head on a post..."

    Sem(to himself):"hmph...its probably better than this one..."


    ------------------
    ---------------
    "sitting in an english garden waiting for the sun/ if the sun don't come you get a tan from standing in the english rain..."
    -The Beatles, Iam the
    Walrus



    [This message has been edited by TheOtter (edited May 05, 2000).]
    ---------------
    "...remember what the doormouse said, 'Feed your head! Feed your head!"
    -Jefferson Airplane
    "White Rabbit"

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