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Thread: The Never-ending Story ThreadČ

  1. #1201
    Losien faces enough problems on any average day as it is. She must live with the name that her parents pulled from a Ouija board session. She must reject the numerous advances from other men drawn to her so as to stay true to the man she loves and true to the promise to her brother. She must fight the sometimes-crippling low self-confidence in her own appearance and action. Today is no different in the outskirts of Disneyworld as she kicks Donald Duck into a pack of hellhounds, no different but for one fact: Losien now bears the mantle of a main character in the Never-ending Story.

    For those readers new to these parts, this story that you are reading now is the Never-ending Story, known normally as the NeS. It is not related to the NeverEnding Story written by Michael Ende and made into a movie directed by Wolfgang Petersen, so those expecting the world of Fantasia may wish to file a complaint to the Department of This-Is-Not-Fan-Fiction-So-Stop-Whining. The world of NeS is far more familiar to our own, at least in as much as anyone using GoogleEarth would notice, with its population full of people shuffling to their unfulfilling jobs, evading death and taxes when they can, and mustering most every other effort into having sex with whomever they most desire. It may be more familiar to you, actually, since story conventions and cliches often replace scientific understanding of physics and facts. Sure, Doomsday is a day of the week more than the end of the world, but at least life makes sense.


    Losien: It does?

    Well, so much as it can when plot is the enemy. That's no joke! For once there was the Ever-ending Plot, a force which wanted to end the Never-ending Story and nearly did once. The last seen of the Ever-ending Plot, however, was trapped in a broken story thread -- another world -- where it could not enslave anyone in its conquest of logical cause and terminal effect. A word of caution to you readers all the same: DO NOT LOOK FOR PLOT! The plot-holes are for your own good. Having no plot won't in any way backfire and have villainous characters attempt to end the story with bad storytelling, that's for sure!

    Let us get back to the story, yes? Last we left off, Losien and many of her companions had been conscripted alongside Hell's army into fighting the forces of Disney just outside of Disneyworld in Florida. Losien stands stressed in her brown peasant dress and blue tank-top, her hand on her forehead holding her light autumn hair away from her face.


    Losien: All this is more than I think I can handle right now! I don't know if I'll manage as the main character. Where's everyone else?

    In the thick of the battle, I presume. I think you'll manage well enough, Losien. Just dive in for now, and things will work out.

    Losien: Thanks, Narrator.

    Will Losien find any of her companions, or will she only find herself in unimaginable pain and suffering as only Disney creations can create? Find out next time--

    Losien: Hey! What happened to "things will work out" just a moment ago?

    It's called a cliffhanger, and now you ruined it.

    Losien: Oh, sorry...

    Find out next time, here on the Never-ending Story Thread!
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    Last edited by Gebohq; 02-05-2011 at 09:52 PM.

  2. #1202
    Well, looks like our main protagonist, Losien, is still around without so much as a scratch on her.

    Losien: Being the main character might not be so bad after all. Not one bad guy has been able to hurt me yet.

    Just then, Losien falls from a rough push to the ground! Losien looks up to see her assailant.

    Losien: Rachel--!

    Rachel: Just a moment.

    Losien's view is blocked by a burly demon dragged between her and her assailant, Rachel. The crack and whistle of a firecracker pierces the air, and the demon hurtles towards the sky as it is propelled by a firecracker the size of a large dog.

    Rachel: That demon was about to stab you, and I only had time to push you out of its way.

    Rachel April May Pi offers a hand to help Losien stand back up. Rachel appears to be of Chinese ethnicity and is wearing an outfit that is part traditional Chinese dress and part traditional jester attire.

    Rachel: We may be enlisted to fight with the forces of Hell, but they're not always exactly team players. Trying to keep straight who the good guys and bad guys are makes my job to keep the balance between the two in this story a pain. Some of them are rather tricky, and I should know, being the master trickster myself.

    Losien: Uh, right... do you know where my brother is, by chance?

    Rachel: You mean Gebohq? I think he's over there-- no wait, that's not him. See what I mean by tricky?

    Indeed, the man Rachel pointed out is not her brother, Gebohq (who, by the way, only faired slightly better with his first name pulled from random Scrabble letters), but his evil duplicate from a broken story world -- the very same one the Ever-ending Plot is currently trapped inside. His evil duplicate, who I will refer to as Evil Geb, slices down imps from Disney's Hercules and Hell's forces alike with his dark blade. He spots Losien with his pale gray left eye and, in an instant, stands beside her, brushing back his mane of dark autumn hair.

    Evil Geb: Hello, sis.

    Losien: You are not my brother.

    Evil Geb: I feel the love. I'm doing fine, thank you. Just had to crawl away from the Ever-ending Plot while hanging on but a thread, pun punishingly intended. Perhaps now I can be hired to keep balance between good and evil again, as I highly doubt the good guys have had much opposition in my absence.

    Rachel: Get bent.

    Evil Geb: Or what?

    Rachel stares at Evil Geb with passionate hatred and intense intimacy.

    Evil Geb: Yes, well... I have other heroes to harass. Talk to you another post then!

    With that, Evil Geb runs away.

    Losien: Thanks, Rachel. It's good to have you on my side.

    Rachel: Who said I'm on your side?

    Rachel pushes Losien against Pluto the dog and sending her falling to the ground again. Losien looks up to see Rachel with her arms out to her sides and a ****-eating grin on her face.

    Rachel: Problem?

    Before Losien can say anything, Rachel is gone.

    Losien: This is not a good start...

    Losien stands back up and moves further into the thick of the battle. Where she stood, a decay-filled mass of pus and blood and ink scratches and spills across and through the ground...

    WILL LOSIEN BE ABLE TO FIND HER BROTHER IN THIS CHAOTIC BATTLE? WHICH OLD AND NEW FACES WILL LOSIEN STUMBLE ACROSS IN HER NEW MAIN CHARACTER SHOES? WHAT CRAZY CONFLICTS WILL LOSIEN AND HER COMPANIONS HAVE TO FACE? WHO KNOWS?


    ---------------------------------------------------------

    Outside of the story, where the writers craft the never-ending narrative...

    Gebohq the writer: I sure don't know what the hell will happen. To hell with it all -- let someone else figure it out!

    Leaning back in his chair, Gebohq the writer begins playing Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories on his Game Boy Advance.
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    Last edited by Gebohq; 01-19-2011 at 03:48 PM.

  3. #1203
    ================================================== ======

    LiberiustW sits idly at what is apparently now his desk. Shifting his gaze from the blank computer screen to an old keyboard stained with age and disuse.

    LiberiustW: I miss my typewriter already.

    Slowly he looks around the rest of the room. He sees GebtW sitting at a desk, typing maddly and muttering quietly to himself. He looked back at the door just in time to see CMtW walking outside.

    LiberiustW: Alright then... Where to begin?

    More silent minutes pass until LiberiustW remembers the stack of paper in the trash. Walking over unnoticed by anyone, he takes the slightly crumpled top sheet and returns to his seat. A quick glance back at GebtW, who was now absent mindedly playing a video game, let him know he could read uninterrupted.

    Liberiustw: Let's see here... Blah blah Highemperor, blah blah Citizen Rex... Bunch of other people I don't know... Moving on.

    LiberiustW skipped to the bottom portion of the page and read.

    LiberiustW: What's this then... The Arena? Lucifer? Oh, sweet, Gebohq's there. Hmmm...

    Liberiustw debated for all of three seconds then set the paper down besides the monitor. The computer made a funky grinding noise as it booted up. Finally, he stretched and cracked his knuckles. LiberiustW moved forward in his seat and started to type...

    ================================================== =====

    The Arena was dark and the cold rain was coming down hard. Just below the decks Liberius slowly materialised into existance. The sudden cold and change of atmosphere caused him to shiver. Pressed to find some answers he walked up the steps and into the arena seating. Cold and wet, he comes out and spots the back of Gebohq first. Lucifer sat calmly beside him slouched comfortably in the seat leaning against Gebohq and his arm around the man's shoulder.

    Lucifer: So then I says to the guy, 'No, no. You got it all wrong! It's the Lake of Fire, not the Ring of Fire!' HA!

    Lucifer cackled madly at the punchline to his own joke. Gebohq nervously chuckled in response.

    Gebohq: Heh... Ring of Fire. I get it... Good one.

    Liberius: *ahem*

    The pair turned to look at him, surprised by the sudden company. Gebohq more shocked than the other.

    Lucifer: Well... I guess that about does it. I got to go. You know how it is, places to go, and destroy. People to meet, people to tempt. *Lucifer stood up and shrugged his winged shoulders with his massive arms spread out, the basic 'What can I do?' pose* Just remember what we talked about Gebohq... You know how much I hate having to go out of my way. Business calls down in Florida. See you chaps later.

    With a very anticlimatic puff of grey smoke, Lucifer the Fallen Angel disappeared.

    Liberius: What was all that about?

    Gebohq: Trust me, you do not want to know. What are you doing here?

    Liberius: Well... I don't remember too much. I think... I think I came here to ask you something. I just can't remember.

    Gebohq (sarcasticly): Wow... Really helpful.

    Liberius: What about here? What is this place? And why the heck am I no longer The Writer?
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    Last edited by Gebohq; 02-07-2011 at 11:13 PM.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  4. #1204
    JM drifted through an endless void of shadows. Things appeared. He cursed at them until they vanished. He walked through the wispy gray remains of a city. He wasn't sure what city it was. He didn't care.

    "Too tall!" JM shouted at a building that had appeared in the mist. He pointed his cleave-o-matic at it, but by time the beam got there, the building had turned to mist.

    Later, JM built himself an immense throne room. He enjoyed it, until it turned to mist. He created a crude puppet of Geb.

    "Geb," Geb the puppet said.

    "Oh, you're the hero, are you? Don't have to do anything at all. The story just shapes itself around you. GREATEST HERO EVER."

    JM threw Geb the puppet on the ground and stomped on him. JM wished for a puppet of every character in the entire NES on which to stomp; and it was so.

    As JM stomped, he did not hear the wheezing of the overweight nerds that approached. They sucked in the mist as they ran, and, and, wait, are you just ripping off the langoliers?

    * * *

    JM the writer looked up from his type writer. "Nobody would have noticed if you hadn't pointed that out."

    Shut up, it was a dumb plan. Here, put on this coat.

    "Fine." JM the writer put on the only coat in the closet. A long black trench coat.

    And put on that black fedora. Now take those pistols from the gun safe.

    "And this umbrella," JM the writer said.

    No! No umbrella. Now kick the door down! Yell while you do it!

    "AAAAAAAAAAH!" Clunk.

    JM the writer unlocked the door and opened it a crack.

    "AAAAAAAAAAH!" He kicked the door open.

    Shoot them!

    JM the writer pointed his guns and pulled the trigger again and again. He shifted his aim between Geb the writer and Cool Matty the writer and that strange looking fellow in the corner. After a moment he became aware that they were staring at him oddly.

    Bullets! Go back to the gun safe and get the bullets!

    "There aren't any bullets!" JM the writer announced. "Well! Just so you all know, I'm going to be your villain for this story arc."

    "What's your plan?" Cool Matty the writer asked. "To fill the NES with so much bad writing that nobody can stand to read it?"

    "Yes. That's it exactly."
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    Last edited by JM; 01-19-2011 at 10:41 PM.

  5. #1205
    At the Department of This-Is-Not-Fan-Fiction-So-Stop-Whining complaints are piling up. The head of the department start to pull his hair out
    Head of Department (hereafter called Head err.. umm.. HoD... yeah... that's better): CURSE YOU GEBOHQ THE WRITER! First offering us all a nice long break, and now sending this mass of complaints to us! CURSE YOU... I'm going to send you so many memos...

    The Head mutters to himself and starts composing the memo to the head of the Department of Reminding to remind him to send a memo to the Memo Department to send a memo to GebohqTW that he would be receiving a large amount of memos in his in box for his mentioning and creating this horribly ill-conceived department.

    Meanwhile in the writer's realm...
    CrispTW comes on in to the room, looks around, seeing JM bursting out of the closet, Geb, and CoolMatty kind of staring at him and
    LiberiustW typing away madly.

    CrispTW: Do I even want to know?
    Crisp walks over to a monitor, completely dust filled, and starts wiping it all off, ready to get to work:

    Now then, where to start. Disney being overrun by demons eh... hrrm interesting... Well seems like as good a place to start as any:
    At Disney:

    Cris B: Get your Chikin, Get your Chikin! Tired of Slaying and Killing, and Gnashing of teeth? Get reenergized with some mighty good CHIKIN!

    Losien, newly appointed Main Character, of course wanders by. After a double take at the Chikin stand wanders over

    Losien: You are aware there's a battle going on all around you right?

    Cris B: Why yes I am, and it's been great for bussiness! Everyone needs Chikin when fighting after all. You want some Chikin?

    Losien: Ummm, no I don't think so

    Cris B: Well you're holding up the line!

    Losien looks behind her. There's absolutely no one in the immediate vicinity. In fact there's no one in sight, or sound range for that matter.

    Losien: You know no one is here right?

    Cris B: No that's just an annoying plot contrivance done by the writer so we have a safe place to talk since you can't be back stabbed as a main character. After all the step up to having the story rest almost purely on your shoulders gives you some benefits.

    Losien: What do you mean benefits?

    Cris B: Well of course you can't have everything explained, otherwise we wouldn't have the fun of watching you fumble your way through learning to be a main character.

    Losien: Gee thanks...

    Cris B: Just saying how it is. I mean one of these days you'll even learn to wield the power of the story.

    Losien: Wait what, how do you know all that?

    Suddenly the noise of battle starts back up, and blood is back to being thrown around like confetti at a wedding. Or like Booze at a Frat Party. Or like...ok I think you get the picture by now.

    Cris B: Chikin you want some Chikin?

    Losien: Well that was weird...

    What will happen next? Will Lucien

    Losien: Wait a minute! Nothing HAPPENED in this post

    No... I introduced a minor sub character back in.

    Losien: But no one CARES

    I do...

    Losien: Oh... ok... But what about some epic battle, blood, guts, or some kind of interesting fighting?

    Oh, I see. You want some form of interesting amazingly crazy adventure to start?

    Losien: I'm not sure I can handle it...

    Well that's what the writers are for to help you along

    Losien: I thought they were for throwing things into my way in order to cause the most amount of drama, plot, and interesting things, not keeping me safe.

    Well.... we have to keep you at least a bit safe in order to further have the plot continue...

    Losien: That's so reassuring. What kind of narrator are you anyway?

    Ummm... ummm... Well, just for that you know what

    Losien: What oh big scary narrator?

    You get hit in the head from behind and fall flat on your face.

    Losien: (mumbles) Owww... that's not very nice

    This is why you don't antagonize the narrator. Losien now will be passing out

    Losien: I will?

    Yes, yes you will... And now while I don't get interrupted by your yammering, and complaining, I can get into what happens. Losien fall to the ground unconscious, a Large Demon standing over her, grinning sadistically, cradling a large wooden paddle. Now, as I was saying before... What will happen to Losien? Will she learn to use her new abilities? Will she ever find her real brother? Will she ever know what is it to be a main character? Will she get a haircut next week? What will she eat for dinner? Will she ever try some Chikin? Is this enough questions for you? Find out the answers to some of these questions, and possibly something relevant next time on the Never Ending Story!
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  6. #1206
    ================================================== ===

    LiberiustW stops typing for a moment and peeks around the side of his glowing monitor. After CMtW and JMtW finish exchanging some more words, JMtW surveys the other company yet again. He paused when he met LiberiustW's gaze. Narrowing his eyes, he aimed his gun at LiberiustW and clicked off a few more empty chambers before retreating back into the closet; slamming the door behind him.

    LiberiustW: I take it this sort of thing happens often around here?

    GebtW (smiling): It's just like old times! Isn't it great?

    LiberiustW: Uhhh... yeeeeaaah... Just warn me if he actually finds some ammo for that thing, alright?

    LiberiustW turned back to his screen. After rereading a bit to find his place again he begins to type some more...

    ==================================================

    In the rain soaked Arena, Gebohq leads Liberius down from the seats and out into the middle of the muddy Arena.

    Gebohq: It's the Arena.

    Liberius: I think I figured that one out already.

    Gebohq: Good. Now, this is just one of many places we have here in the NeS. Getting around isn't as bad as it seems. You could always just 'Teleport' or even slice through the fabric of space time if you have to. Just try not to Powerplay. No one likes a showoff.

    Liberius: But I have no special powers.

    Gebohq: For now. Just wait until some of the other writers get ahold of you. Or worse, The Narrator...

    Narrator: I heard that...

    Gebohq: Of course you heard it! You're the ever present onmiscient disembodied voice of the Story! What don't you hear!?!

    Narrator: Just for that, I'm giving the new guy a treat and I'm not going to tell you whether he decides to help you or not!

    As the duo stood there in the falling rain waiting, Liberius was looking around trying to find the source of the voice. More than that, he was searching for the direction from where the aformentioned surprise would come out of.

    Gebohq: I wouldn't bother, champ. When he say's something like that you never can really prepare yourself for... Ouch!

    Gebohq's words were cut off as he finally registered the pain from a small object that fell on his head amung the rain. It bounced off and skipped a little on the muddy ground before coming to rest at Liberius's feet. Now a bit curious, he bent down and picked it up.

    Gebohq: Really, Narrator? You couldn't just have it materialize in his pocket?

    Liberius: It's just a whistle. It doesn't really do anything but make noise.

    Gebohq: HA! That's what he wants you to think! There's always a catch. Whatever you do, do NOT blow into that whistle!

    Narrator: Don't listen to him. Go ahead, give it a toot.

    Gebohq: It's a trap. Any second demons or monsters or JM is going to pop out of nowhere because you blew on it!

    Narrator: Quit being so melodramatic. Why would I do that to the new guy on his first trip in the NeS?

    Gebohq: Because you're the Narrator.

    Narrator: Exactly. I'm here to get the story to move along because all of you Characters would rather just sit around chatting all day and try to... What's it called... oh yeah, 'Develop'. Well I'm sorry, something needs to happen. If I was going to make him do something, I would just make him do it. But here I am asking him and you get all in a tissy. Do you really want to argue with me on this?

    Gebohq thought for a second then sagged as he relented the battle.

    Gebohq: Go ahead, Liberius. Blow the whistle.

    After a very brief internal debate, Liberius put the whistle to his lips and blew and imidiately... nothing happened.

    Gebohq: A whole lot of usefulness that proved to be.

    Narrator: Give it a second you whinny sod! You have to allow some time for reality to bend a little.

    No sooner than the Narrator finished the air beside Liberius and Gebohq grew thin and wavey. The sheet of rain parted and made a void around a small area several feet away from where they stood. They heard the honking off a horn and suddenly a checkered yellow taxi burst through the gap at high speed. It slamed on the breaks and skidded a little in the mud before coming to a stop beside the pair.

    Liberius: That was a bit more impressive.

    Gebohq was less thrilled. He sized up the taxi cautiously.

    Gebohq: Yeah, but what does it do besides almost running us down in the rain?

    Narrator: It's an Interdimentional Taxi. It'll help take it's passengers where ever they need to go. If you need to get to someplace fast, or away from someplace, just give that whistle a blow.

    Gebohq: So where's mine?

    Narrator: Doesn't work like that. That whistle is the only thing that calls it and Liberius's lips are the only ones that can use the whistle properly. Think of it as a 'Welcome to the NeS' gift. And a bit of a warning. Next time, don't just come in without any powers or you'll get eaten alive. Probably in the most literal way considering who actually comes here.

    Liberius put the whistle in his leather satchel then held open the back door for Gebohq. Inside the taxi was warm and smokey, but it was dry. A horse voiced unkept driver with a lit cigarette hanging from his mouth turned to greet them.

    Driver: Where to, boss?

    Gebohq: I don't know.

    Driver: Not you idiot. I was talking to the boss here.

    The driver pointed to Liberius then waited for a destination. Liberius thought hard, trying to remember where else there was in this wide world of the NeS. Finally, he remembered somewhere.

    Liberius: I here there are plenty of things over in Disneyland that could use some attention.

    Driver: You got it, boss.

    The driver turned back to the wheel and put the taxi in gear. Gebohq and Liberius were thrown back in their seats as the driver pressed the gas pedal to the floor. Just before hitting the wall of the Arena, he leaned over and tapped a nondescript button on the dashboard. Infront of the taxi the rain parted and made another void just like when it had arrived. Speeding franticly, the taxi drove though it.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    (On a none story note, I noticed a few people drawing characters before. I did a quick sketch of Liberius just to make it interesting. I'm no artist though, so try not to hen peck it too much, lol)
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    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  7. #1207
    Our story resumes with our heroine face down on the ground, an evilly smiling, and for that matter smelling.... take a bath please!... Demon standing over her with a rather large paddle. Is this the end of our heroine so soon?

    Cris B: Chikin! Yo, you big Demon there, you want some Chikin?

    The Demon, hungry and confused steps over the still not moving body of our heroine, and almost makes it to the Chikin, when Losien finally stirs.

    Losien: What just hit me....

    She trails off seeing the rather large red leg stepping over her. Using her amazing athletic abilities, bounces the big bad beast, crushing Cris B's Chikin.

    Losien: Well that settles that. Ow, my head

    Cris B: My... my Chikin.... oh well, Demon Roasted Chikin, Demon Roasted Chikin here!

    Losien: Would you give it a rest with the Chikin, I mean Chicken?!

    Cris B: It's Chikin, and no, I will not.... by the way, whose side are you on anyway?

    Losien: Umm, well it's complicated you see

    Cris B: What is this a facebook relationship status? Which side are you on?

    Losien: I'm fighting for Hell against Disney. Well that is until I can find someway out, then I'm back to ummm, well really I'm not sure where I'm going to go after that.

    Cris B: So what you are saying is your current predicament is directly the result of some amazing back story before page 31 that anyone can read if they want, (But really probably shouldn't for the sake of their sanity... or life... or both...) but for now you just need to find someone of freeing yourself from hell's grip in order to continue your life free and clear instead of doing hell's dirty work?

    Losien: Yes that's exactly, what no I'm not sure I understood all of that.

    Cris B: That's ok, that's my job

    Losien: What's your job? Selling Chikin isn't?

    Cris B: No, see right now I'm just a horrific parody of every horrible mentor character you've ever seen in any movie, or read in any book and will obsessionally give you useful bit of information allowing you to discover your path, but it will be intermixed with horrible puns, horrible jokes, and just horribleness in general.

    Losien: Repeat that again?

    Cris B: You want some Demon roasted Chikin? Fresh off the Demon!

    Losien: (Shakes her head) Oh never mind. I suppose you're going to be following me around now?

    Cris B: Well since you asked so nicely, I could get my travel cart.

    Losien: Travel Cart?

    About forty minutes and at least three pulled muscles later (some of which probably shouldn't be mentioned for the suggested PG-14 rating of this story) Cris B is happily marching down the street followed by a sweating Losien pulling a huge two wheeled cart down the street.

    Losien: Can't I get a break?

    Cris B: No see this is wax on wax off type stuff.

    Losien: You mean pulling the cart will making me into a great fighter?

    Cris B: Sure we'll go with that.

    Suddenly the three Mouseketters jump out in front of the two. Mouseketters? Really? I'm calling them that?

    In the writer's realm....
    The stare-down interrupted briefly, Geb the writer, Cool Matty the writer and
    JM the writer just look at Crisp the writer typing maniacally away and occasionally laughing to himself.

    CrispTW: Ha! The Mouseketters, where do I come up with this craziness bwahaha!

    The others just look at each other, shrug, and go back to the shot out at hand...

    Back at Disney...

    The Mouseketters jump out in front of Losien and Cris B.

    Mouseketter Mouse: Who goes there!

    Mousekettter Duck: Yeah! I'm gonna get you!

    Mouseketter Dog: Woof!

    Mouseketter Mouse: Shut up Pluto!

    Mouseketter Doe: (Whimpers)

    Mousketter Mouse: Now then As I said who goes there!?

    While the Mouseketters bickered amongst themselves and shouted them selves hoarse, Losien and Cris B, just trudged around them continuing down the street. The Mouseketters look at each other in astonishment. No one passes them by no one! They would get these foolish fools if it was the last thing they do! They would BEEP get... what the BEEP... why am I BEEP stop that I hate that BEEPing noise! BEEP it! AGGGGHHH BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

    Ok what the BEEP is going on?

    You are not following the codes for PG-14 material

    What do you mean not following the BEEP codes?

    In order to be classified as PG -14 you must follow specific guidelines. This story has been full of things absolutely not suitable for anyone, much less the PG-14 Audience!

    And who are you to decide that, not to mention who gave you the right?

    Simple, I am the Censor. And irraatatingly irrate irrational mothers gave me the right. You are on thin ice.

    Who is this 'Censor' pain? What will happen to our heroes? And why are we dealing with Irate Mothers?! Does any of this actually have anything to do with anything in the story, or am I just making random things up as I go for the sake of hearing myself type?! Find out next time on

    THE NEVER ENDING STORY
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    Last edited by Gebohq; 01-27-2011 at 04:11 PM.

  8. #1208
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    In the Writer's Realm, which is the dimension in which our writers live and where they write the Neverending Story Thread, Al Ciao the Writer saunters through the front doors of the office suite of the ISB in the Massassi Forums building.

    ACtW: Woo-ee, I tell you what, that vacation to the Caribbean was just what I needed! And I did it all on Geb's expense account! That's teach him to tell me not to post for a while...

    His eyes rove across the bulletin board tacked up on the wall by the door. The first one his eyes alight on is a notice from Geb The Writer, saying, NeS Closed Down Until Further Notice.

    Al Ciao begins to hyperventilate.

    ACtW: ...WHAT?! Gonna find Geb - gotta kill him - then resurrect him and get to him to unlock the thread!

    In his cubicle, Liberius overhears Al's mutterings and laughs to himself. Crisp Llama peers over the wall separating his cubicle from Liberius'.

    Cris the Writer: Think we should tell him the NeS opened back up?

    Liberius the Writer: Nah, let 'em figure out for himself.

    Al Ciao's veins are bulging in his temples, and his face has turned bright red - and then he sees the next notice on the bulletin board. NeS Re-Opened Until Further Notice. Sorry for the Inconvenience.

    Al's throbbing veins slowly subside, and his body temperature begins to return to normal.

    ACtW: ...probably shaved ten years off my life.

    He suddenly notices there are new writers in the cubicles. He lets out a Homer Simpson "Woo-hoo!" and starts doing cartwheels around the office. He gives JM, Liberius, and Cris each an honorary piece of lint in gratitude. Then he settles back into his cubicle, still muttering dark imprecations against Geb, and begins to clack away at his keyboard...

    -----

    The Interdimensional Taxi is crusing along at several hundred miles per hour, with Liberius and Geb comfortably ensconced in the luxurious back, sipping champagne and watching porn on the in-car TV.

    Geb: This is great stuff, isn't it?

    Liberius: Actually, I find pornography to be demeaning and disgusting.

    Geb: I know, it's awesome.

    Suddenly a deer pops into existence on the road in front of the Taxi, placed there by a vengeful Writer. The Taxi rams into it, smashing its front. The Driver and Liberius, being buckled in, are fine, but Geb is thrown through the windshield and becomes a broken bloodied corpse on the road.

    REMEMBER KIDS, EVEN HEROES NEED TO BUCKLE UP.

    Liberius: Well, that announcement should get the Irate Mothers off our backs for a while. Drive on!

    The Taxi, despite its smashed front and shattered windshield, takes off down the road again with no problem, still heading for Disneyworld.

    Geb, however appears in Hell - the ninth circle of which happens to be Canada - and is confronted by Lucifer.

    Lucifer: Oh, you're back for more of my hilarious stories, aren't you? Wonderful!

    Geb: Uh... right. Quick question. Isn't your name Jim? Why did you revert to being called Lucifer?

    Lucifer: Next question.

    Geb: Okay. Um, how come I'm in Hell instead of Heaven?

    Lucifer/Jim: You DO remember what you were doing right before you died, don't you?

    Geb: Right.

    Lucifer: Well, now that you're in my dominion, you have to follow my orders. And I order you to go to Florida, to help my demonic army fight Disneyworld!

    Geb: Actually, I was kinda already headed there. But I was closer where I was than I am here.

    Lucifer: ...

    Geb: Fine, I'll start hitchhiking.

    -----

    In the Writer's Offices, Geb storms into Al Ciao's cubicle.

    Geb the Writer: Why the frack did you just kill off my character?!

    ACtW: *muttering under his breath* Lousy no-good son-of-a-smurf tried to shut down NeS...

    GtW: What was that?

    ACtW: I said, I wanted to demonstrate his vulnerability now that he's no longer the main character.

    GtW: True, Losien has replaced him as the main character... Alright, very good. Carry on!

    -----

    Speaking of Losien, she wakes up with a headache and a lump on the back of her head. Groggily, she stands up.

    Losien: What hit me?

    Cris B: Looked like a deer.

    Losien: A DEER?!

    Cris B: Yeah, it came flying through the air from miles away, as though it been rammed into by a vehicle going at several hundred miles an hour.

    Losien looks down at the ground behind her, and sure enough a deer is lying there.

    Losien: Aw, poor deer.

    Bambi comes up and becomes stricken at the sight.

    Bambi: Oh, no - my mother got run over! She's dead! Now I'm all alone in the world!

    Losien: Aw, Bambi, it's okay...

    Bambi: Back the #*&(%&#$ off, mother-*#*($ - you're with the hellspawn, aren't you? Now you've killed my mother!

    Losien: No - wait - I didn't--

    Just then, Aladdin comes up behind Bambi.

    Aladdin: Give it a freakin' rest, wouldya, Bambi? Your mother's been dead for years. Every time you see a dead dear, you act like it's your mother.

    Bambi: Sorry, it's just my PTSD. But this #*&#$ is still working for Lucifer.

    Aladdin: I thought his name was Jim...?

    Bambi: Who cares? Let's just finish off this minion of hell.

    They turn to Losien, who has taken advantage of their distraction to make a break for it - hah, no, I'm sorry. I'm still used to Geb being the main character, who runs away every chance he gets. No, Losien's still standing there.

    Losien: Um...

    Bambi: Prepare to die, bee-atch!

    He lowers his antlers and prepares to ram her. Aladdin, though, restrains him with a hand on his flank. He can't stop staring at Losien.

    Aladdin: You... you're beautiful.

    Losien: You're a sweet liar.

    Aladdin: I'm not lying. You're gorgeous.

    Losien: Look, I know I'm ugly. You don't have to pretend otherwise.

    Bambi: Look, missy, I'm not even human, and I still find you attractive. Believe him.

    Losien lowers her eyes bashfully to the ground.

    Aladdin: Would you like to get a cup of coffee?

    Losien shyly raises her head to look at him.

    Losien: Sure...

    Suddenly they hear a shrill female voice.

    Princess Jasmine: Aladdin? Where are you?

    Aladdin: Crap, I keep forgetting I'm married now.

    Bambi: You're a prince in ancient Arabia. Can't you have a harem or something?

    Aladdin brightens.

    Aladdin: Oh, yeah...

    Losien stiffens.

    Losien: Now, look, Mr. I-Conveniently-Forgot-To-Mention-I'm-A-Married-Man, I may be ugly enough I have to settle for banging sound guys in the laundromat, but there is no way in HELL I am gonna be part of a harem.

    Bambi: You're not in Hell now.

    Losien shoots him a look.

    Bambi: Just saying.

    Princess Jasmine comes up, and her brow darkens as she sees Aladdin with another, strikingly beautiful woman.

    Jasmine: Al-ADD-in! What are you DOING?!

    Aladdin: Er...

    Bambi: He wants a harem.

    Jasmine: Now, look here, pretty boy--

    Jasmine's tirade is cut short as a silver lightning bolt stabs out of the sky and incinerates all three Disney characters. Losien gasps, not so much in horror at their sudden deaths, but in horror of the fact that she's secretly relieved by their deaths.

    A faintly glowing figure floats to the ground, his hand still crackling with silver electricity.

    Faintly Glowing Figure: Actually, it's not really electricity. It's a meta-energy both fundamental to the cosmos and beyond it. You might call it quintessence as well as anything else.

    Yes, but it LOOKS like electricity, and it's the imagery I'm trying to convey to the readers.

    Faintly Glowing Figure: Then convey ME, or I'll have to replace you with another narrator. James Earl Jones, perhaps.

    James Earl Jones? He couldn't narrate his way out of a paper bag! Just because he has a deep voice, people think he'd make an awesome narrator. I tell you--

    Faintly Glowing Figure: Ahem.

    Er, right. The faintly glowing figure now standing on the ground before Losien is dressed in a bright white tunic and trousers that seems to resist dirt and stains, with a red-and-white-striped sash, and a flowing cloak of deep blue studded with silvery-white stars. His short hair is pitch black, and his eyes a piercing azure.

    Losien: Who are you?

    Faintly Glowing Figure: I... am Citizen Rex. You used to know me as Al Ciao, and before that, Highemperor.

    Highemperor was once a powerful man, well-versed in the art of story conventions, and the greatest of powerplayers. Recently he came to his senses and disavowed powerplaying, releasing his powers and choosing to simply be called Al Ciao. Now, though, his former self has been released by the world's premier superhero team, Hero Force One, and was convinced by them to help them as their new paragon, Citizen Rex.

    Losien: That was a mouthful.

    Ain't that the truth. I had to say it, though, or he woulda zapped me with one of his uber-munchkin I-can-do-anything-I-want bolts.

    Citizen Rex: Fair Losien, I am glad I was here to save you from those scum accosting me.

    Losien: Actually, I'm pretty sure at least one of them was flirting with me...

    Citizen Rex: Dare they try to seduce a woman already promised to another? Heathens!

    Losien: Actually, The Last True Evil and I have an on-again, off-again relationship.

    Citizen Rex: It is your destiny to be together. Just as it is mine to save the world.

    A sword formed of white energy - alright, quintessence - flashes into existence in Citizen Rex's hand and he strides forward into the battle, decapitating Mouseketeers left and right.

    Losien follows him into the fray, wondering how she can rein in such an upstaging character.

    There are other NeS heroes in the battle, but in the interests of not making this story any more confusing than it already is--

    Random Audience Member: Yeah, right, like that's even possible.

    You better believe it's possible. If we told you EVERYTHING that's going on in the NeS world, it'd blow your mind.

    Random Audience Member: You're full of crap.

    Am I? What if I told you that Brazil is now a desert? Or that the Sahara is a giant lake swimming with mutant scorpions? You do realize that the Capitol Building in D.C was bombed (p)AGES ago and now Congress meets in a local brothel? What about the whole reason behind Hell's war with Disney? Do you REALLY want me to go into all that?

    Random Audience Member #2: I don't think we'll ever know if he really wanted you to go into all that, cuz his mind's blown. See, his eyes are glazed over, and he's drooling.

    Alright then. Moving on. Back in Florida, Cris stops calling "Chikin!" for a moment. He creeps over to the charred bodies of Bambi and the other deer. He looks surreptitiously around to confirm that everyone around is otherwise engaged in battle and not looking his way; then he drags the bodies of the two deer behind his Chikin stand. There's some noise behind the stand, then he stands up and places more meat on the counters.

    Cris: CHIKIN! Get yore CHIKIN!

    Just then, Liberius' Interdimensional Taxi drives up. Liberius gets out, and the Taxi speeds off into the never-neverland from which it was summoned.

    Cris: Hello, Liberius, want some chikin?

    Liberius: Sure, why not? Hey wait - how'd you know my name?

    Cris: As a pseudo-mentor figure in this story arc, it's my job to know your name. How 'bout this chikin now?

    Liberius: Thanks!

    He chows down on the fried patty of... meat... and Cris nods in satisfaction.

    Cris: Now, it's important that you remember the most important lessons of heroism, which I now impart to you.

    Liberius: Alright, I'm all ears.

    JM appears at that moment and points at Liberius.

    JM: You sure are!

    Liberius is instantly transformed into a giant ear. Moments later, though, the form dissolves into mist, and Liberius is restored to normal. Cris rolls his eyes.

    Cris: That pun is horrible. What are you trying to do, destroy the NeS through bad writing?

    JM: ...

    Cris: OMG, you ARE trying to destroy the NeS through bad writing!

    Liberius: Considering that everything the writers churn out is crap already, I don't see how that can be done.

    JM: ...aw, nuts.
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    Last edited by Gebohq; 01-26-2011 at 02:47 AM.

  9. #1209
    Meanwhile, back in hell, I mean Canada.... our old hero Gebohq is running around trying to find a ride. Sadly, as is his luck he does indeed find one. Well, the sad part is that it's help from a Mountie. And it's sad because it's on a horse. And Geb is riding in back. And the horse has serious... right I think you get the picture.

    Geb: Mountie's are like cops right?

    Mountie 4,631: Well yes, I guess we are

    Geb: So does that mean you arrest bad guys?

    Mountie 4,631: Well yes, we do that

    Geb: And what about speeding tickets?

    Mountie 4,631: Well, I certainly don't, wouldn't be able to catch up to the car with ol'betsy here! Har har har
    The Mountie breaks into almost uncontrollable laughter at his own joke. After he finishes..

    Geb: Do you have a station?

    Mountie 4,631: Well yes of course we do. Many across the circle... ummm, err, I mean country.

    Geb: So you really are cops just with different uniforms then?

    Mountie 4,631: Well yes, that and we ride horses instead of cars much of the time

    Geb: So does that mean you have any doughnuts...?

    Meanwhile, Back at Disneyland...
    Losien has been following Highem, I mean Al Ci... I mean Citizen Rex (please do me a favor and don't choose another name anytime soon, or I'm never going to remember who you are.... well for that matter I'm not really sure who you are as it is.... oh well that's never gotten in the way of the story before!) and has more or less been just standing back and trying not to get to much blood on her shoes, as the powerplaying antics of Citizen Rex destroy all that is in front of him. And to the side. And really everything except Losien. Innocent bystanders, what innocent bystanders?

    Losien: Do you really have to destroy everything?

    Citizen Rex: Yes I do

    Losien: Why?

    Citizen Rex: Because if I do not, then how will they know I can? And if they do not know I can, then what is the point of having all this power?

    Losien: I don't know, maybe to help someone or something crazy like that?

    Citizen Rex: You're right.

    Losien: ...

    Citizen Rex: That IS crazy.

    Citizen Rex continues his mass killing spree, in all it's gorgeous gory glory. Meanwhile Cris and Liberius are hurrying to catch up. Well Liberius is hurrying. Cris is stopping every so often to pick up the bodi..... I mean meat that Citizen Rex has so kindly already fried for him.

    Cris: It's a good day for Chikin!

    Liberius: Umm, what are you doing?

    Cris: <Whistling innocently> Nothing

    Liberius: Well then would you hurry up. I want to go catch up with Losien, and that other guy. You know, the one that more or less single handedly is killing everything in his path?

    Cris: That's High Em, uummm Al Cia... no that's not right... Citizen Rex! That's his name.

    Liberius: Why does he have so many names?

    Cris: Haven't I told you before yet?

    Liberius: We just met last post, you've barely told me anything

    Cris: Oh.... right.... well, the narrator or writers should have!

    Liberius: Told me what?

    Cris: Oh, simple. Don't ask questions. The plotholes are for your own protection.

    Liberius: Plotholes?

    Cris: Well, this isn't really a plothole. It's more, don't ask questions I don't want to answer, because then I have to think up of something smart witty and useful for you.

    Liberius: Oh. You don't know why do you?

    Cris: Oh shut it. Here have some more Chikin, fresh of the... umm.. grill.

    Liberius: Yum taste kind of like chipmunk. Like from the dale. <he stops and looks at the chikin a bit closer> Why is there a red nose here?

    Cris: Would you just eat the chikin, or do I need to get you some Montery Jack cheese, or some gadget to help you?

    Liberius: No that's... did you say cheese? That sounds OW!

    Liberius stops as he runs into something rather hard. He turns and look up and sees Citizen Rex standing there in front of him. He looks to his left, and sees Losien, who waves at him. Finally he backs up a few steps, and look forward to see why they stopped. In front of him (beyond Citizen Rex for those people who are keeping count) Lays a castle. And in front of that are hundreds of screaming animated characters. And surrounding them are thousands of demons, howling for blood.

    Liberies: Holy...

    Losien: Yeah, there's a rather large number isn't there.

    Citizen Rex: We can take them!

    Cris: <squeals> Yay more chikin!

    What will the group of dysfunctional dynamic depressing dumb delinquents do? Will the Dastardly, demented demons even noticed they're there? Or the Crazed caged cartoony character creations care? Will Gebohq actually become relevant to the story? Will he get a doughnut? Will all of this actually make sense? To everything but that last one, which is blatantly a no.... or if it does you should most likely be seeking some serious psychological help, to find out tune in next time to THE NEVER ENDING STORY!

  10. #1210
    ================================================== ======

    In the writer's world LiberiustW sleeps, face slumped into his monitor and a very small bit of drool making its way out of the corner of his mouth. He's startled awake when an angry GebtW storms over to his desk.

    GebtW: What are you doing?!

    LiberiustW: I was trying to write... I guess I must have passed out from over indulging a bit the night before.

    GebtW: Well you should probably do something. The NeS character YOU created is now mixed up with the main character. And you lost your passenger somewhere along the way in the Interdimentional Taxi! You know what happens to characters when writers don't take an active role in telling the story?

    LiberiustW: Ummm... No. What?

    GebtW: No one does. It's the NeS, anything can happen to anyone at any time. And now you've come face to face with the most notorious powerplaying character in the NeS. How well do you think that will end?

    LiberiustW sat stunned for a moment before turning back to his screen and reading the past couple entries. GebtW leaves him to go back to whatever it is that he does when not preforming CPR on the NeS. LiberiustW continues.

    LiberiustW: What the... I'm a Giant Ear?! Wait... nevermind...

    After finishing the quick skim of the last entry, he gets up to refill his coffee. Then upon taking the last sip of that one, refills it again. Then again. This continued for about two more cups. Finally, he returns back to his desk, shaking from the rapid intake of caffeine, he feverishly starts to type again...

    ================================================== ====

    Inside the NeS, centered in Florida, things start to get rather interesting. Chris, Citizen Rex, Losien, & Liberius stand facing the battlefield that was The Castle. A host of demons hovering around the edge of the masses notices the quartet and starts to move at rapid speed towards them. Citizen Rex pushes the three behind him, Losien quickly takes a cowering position behind Chris & Liberius.

    Losien: I know I'm the main character and all, but is it alright by you guys if I sit this one out? Just this once?

    Liberius: Main character?

    Chris: She's pretty much the heart of the NeS right now. The rest of us are deemed as disposable. Kind of makes you all warm and tingly inside doesn't it?

    Liberius: I was thinking less heartwarming, more along the lines of petrified with terror at my own fictional mortality.

    Chris: Oh, yeah. That's what I meant to say.

    Citizen Rex: Silence, all of you. If these hellspawn think they stand an ounce of chance against the awesomeness of my being, let them come. I have a lesson in humility to teach them. Stay back and out of my way.

    With a simple wave of his hand, Citizen Rex pushes the other three back, with an unseen force, behind the cover of a near by fountain. The water was stained a cartoonish red and unmoving animated bodies circled in the bottom tier.

    Chris: He seems ruder than normal.

    Liberius: Should we try to help him?

    Losien: How?! And with what?! We don't really have any weapons, powers, or experience in this sort of thing. I've only just become the Main Character and I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing.

    Liberius: Well, I've only just came into existance a short time ago and I already know we need to do something!

    Losien: WHAT?!

    Chris: Liberius here is the new Mysterious Stranger. He popped out of thin air a few posts back in the arena. Then he came here because that's where the story was happening.

    Losien: You're a new character and you just decided to come here in the middle of the action without even trying to adjust to the world of the NeS? Are you Crazy?!

    Narrator: No, he's just the Mysterious Stranger. No one knows where he came from or what he did before the NeS besides me. Well... and him to but he hasn't got his memories of those times back yet. Give him time, he knows what he's doing even if he hasn't figured out why yet.

    Liberius: You again! I thought I left you back at the arena?

    Chris: He's the Narrator. He's everywhere.

    Narrator: Might I direct your attention to what's going on right now or are you three going to cower behind that fountain gabbing away for the entire post?

    Liberius: Go right ahead, boss. Last time you gave me a cool whistle so I'm not going to complain.

    Losien: He gave you a whistle? Come On! All I got was a blow to the back of the head!

    Beyond the fountain, Citizen Rex was just kicking it into gear. Streams of energy and unyielding power were coming off of him every which way. Demons turned to ash all around him or were exploded once they were hit. His movements were so swift and fluid it seemed to border on precognitive. Despite his onslaught, the demons surrounding the toons had already moved in for the kill. It was a massacre. Only but a few toons were still alive and fighting the losing battle.

    Liberius: We should really help those guys out.

    Losien: Not yet. Citizen Rex looks like he still might be able to get there.

    Narrator: Just watch. It gets better.

    Just as it seemed that Citizen Rex was about to break through the masses, Lucifer, The Fallen Angel, appeared in the middle of the small circle the remaining Disney characters had formed with their back. They didn't even have time to register his arrival before The Angel lashed out with his pointed tail, spearing the last survivors like marshmellows on a stick.

    Chris: This doesn't look good.

    Narrator: Wait for it, the twist has yet to even come.

    Losien: What twist?

    The now fearful trio turned to look again at the scene. Citizen Rex now looked angry. He flexed his muscle and the circle of demons surrounding him vaporized in a flash of light. Then he charged towards the laughing Lucifer.

    Lucifer: I don't thinks so. It's not going to be that easy...

    Lucifer raised his arms and another wave of demons burst from the ground between the two. Citizen Rex, momentarily surprised, hesitated in his step. It was just the moment Lucifer was waiting for. As Citizen Rex stopped to take on the wave infront of him, the evil JM materialised right behind him. JM grabbed Citizen Rex's wrists just as he was charging them up for some kind of blast then kicked out the back of his knees.

    Lucifer: As I promised you, JM, his power shall be yours!

    With a snap of his fingers, Lucifer changed the flow of Citizen Rex's powers. Draining them from his body and into JM. He grew paler and paler as JM grew bigger and stronger.

    Narrator: What will happen next? Will JM finish stealing all the power he needs to take over the NeS? Will the band of misfits behind the fountain finally make a move to stop him? Tune in next time to find...

    JM: Oh Shut up, will you?

    JM kicked the drained body of Citizen Rex to the ground and addressed the Narrator.

    JM: I never really liked the sound of your voice anyway! How about something a bit more to my pleasing?

    Narrator: Why does everyone want to turn me into James Earl Jones?

    JM: Who said anything about him? I'm feeling more like Morgan Freeman from March of the Penguins.

    Narrator: But that doesn't even fit the tone of the storyline!

    JM: Who cares?

    JM pointed a finger aimlessly into the sky sending out a purple lightning bolt. Gargled sounds came from the Narrator's non-existant throat and when he spoke again, it was the calm soothing voice of Morgan Freeman from March of the Penguins.

    Narrator: Losien, Liberius, Chris! For the sake of the NeS, you must retrieve the body of Citizen Rex! As long as he is alive he can still help you! Use all the tools I have given you. JM must not succeed in polluting the NeS with his bad writing!

    Liberius: But what about the Plotholes? Can't we use those to our advantage?!

    Narrator: The only way to do that is make new ones. Now GO!

    Losien, feeling the need to finally take up her role as the main character burst out from behind the fountain and charged at JM ineptly. In an act of despiration, Liberius took the whistle from the bottom of his leather satchel, put it to his lips, and blew hard into it. On the otherside of the fountain, a portal opened and the Interdimentional Taxi burt out. It ran over most of the wave of demons, including Lucifer, and sent them flying into the air several miles away in all direction until finally coming to a stop next to the near lifeless body of Citizen Rex. JM dodged the taxi and quickly disappeared into the air but the surprised Losien was unable to stop her spriting charge and ran into the side of the taxi then fell to the ground unconscious.

    Chris: Quick! Get to the taxi while we still have the chance! It's not safe here anymore!

    Liberius and Chris ran. Each of them scooping up one of the two survivors and tossing them into the car. No sooner did they slam the doors shut, the taxi took off through another portal. A large fireball flung from an unseen direction hit the ground where the taxi just was not seconds before. Inside the car, Liberius sat in the front seat while the other three were crammed shoulder to shoulder in the back. He turned to the driver.

    Liberius: Take us somewhere safe! Somewhere that this JM has no power in!

    Driver: I know just the place.

    There was a quick rainbow of fantastic colors flying past just outside the windows. Moments later, the taxi came out of another portal into a barren London street and stopped. The doors opened and the four of then spilt out of the taxi onto the dirty ground. The Driver rolled down his window and popped his head out to check on them.

    Chris: Are you sure it's safe here?

    Liberius: I don't know. Where are we?

    Driver: You're in the Land of Story Arcs Past. It's kind of like a graveyard of all the NeS. Everything that once existed but has passed remains here unchanged. A dead story arc.

    Liberius: Why are we safe here? What's to stop that evil JM from coming and killing us with bad plot?

    Driver: He's part of a current story arc that's still alive. You can't get here unless you know someone like me. As for safe... well... your safe from JM at least.

    Chris: What do you mean by that?

    Driver: How many uber powerful baddies have there been in the NeS?

    Chris: I lost count.

    Driver: Exactly. All of their story arcs died out pages ago. Now they're here somewhere. Just don't go wandering around or messing with stuff and changing it and you should be all right.

    Liberius: What happens if we do?

    Driver: You remember in Back to the Future when Marty started messing with the past and changing it?

    Liberius: Who doesn't? It was an awesome movie.

    Driver: Yeah... Think of it like that. You don't want to go messing around with long dead elements, characters, or story arcs and bringing them back to life. Strange things can happen if you do.

    Liberius: I see your point. Will you do me one more favor Driver? Geb's still in there and JM can still get to him. Can you find him and bring him here?

    Driver: Sure thing. But remember my warning, don't go meddling with things best left dead.

    With a flash and a sonic boom the Taxi disappeard. Chris stood up from checking the near dead body of Citizen Rex. He debated something in his head, weighing options until reluctantly he finally came up with an idea.

    Chris: Hey, Liberius? You remember how the Narrator told us to keep C.Rex here alive because we need him to save the NeS?

    Liberius: Yeah.

    Chris: Good news & bad news about that. Bad news is, he's not going to be alive much longer unless we do something about it.

    Liberius: *groans* And what's the good news then?

    Chris: If we're in the Land of Story Arcs Past, then his former self should be around here somewhere. If we can find him, we may be able to give him back all his power and manage to keep him alive.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  11. #1211
    =============================================

    Back in the Writer's World, a high on caffeine Liberius the Writer sits infront of his laughably old computer muttering quietly to himself as he types the final words of his entry. Finishing the final line and double checking his post he hits the button, submiting it for all to see. Now a bit overly proud, he takes a victorious quaff of his luke warm coffee, puts his feet up on the desk, and leans back in his chair.

    GebtW: OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!? IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS SACRED IN THE NEVER ENDING STORY...

    LiberiustW loses his balance being startled and falls back in his chair and hits the floor with a loud THUD. GebtW somehow manages to both stomp and run over to LiberiustW's desk. With an unmatched fire in his eyes, GebtW stares at him.

    GebtW: You single handedly gave the self appointed new NeS villan all the power he needs to destroy the NeS all over again. What kind of ****ing post was that?! We're supposed to be reviving the NeS, not killing it all over again!

    Hidden away in his dark closet, JMtW laughs evilly as he reads the latest entry.

    LiberiustW: But if the main character is still alive and out of danger doesn't the story move on regardless?

    GebtW: If the main character is out of danger it's not much of a story then now is it? And, how long do you think it will take the JM in the NeS to find a way to get to her, huh? And when he does, do you think it's going to be all 'puppy dogs & roses'? NO! Now fix it before I'm forced to get into a dirty fight with CM about closing the thread again!

    LiberiustW stumbles out of his upended chair, leaving it laying on the ground he stands up then bends over the keyboard.

    LiberiustW (thinking out loud): Edit post, edit post, edit post... Come On! Where's the edit button?!

    GebtW: Oh, no. You don't get out of it that easy. You're just going to have to write your way out of this one. Once it's up, it's up and part of the canon. Plotholes and all.

    LiberiustW: How the hell does a story like that stay held together?!

    GebtW: With bad jokes and even worse puns. Now get to work before somebody else takes the bomb you dropped and runs with it.

    As he delivered his last line GebtW made a squished up angry face and pointed directly at the closet where JM the Writer, no doubt, was plotting. Heh heh... get it? He's a writer. Plotting... Ok, fine. No more puns... GebtW stormed back out of LiberiustW's little area.

    GebtW: And stop using so much copyrighted material!

    ================================================== ==

    In the Land of Story Arcs Past, where dead plots and characters from countless (p)ages ago play out in a constant unchanging loop like and internet gif, a hesitant Liberius proccesses the idea Chris just put forward. Chris moves over to the unconscious body of Losien to check on her. While Liberius debated internally, he surveyed the immediate area to get his bearings.

    Liberius: Well... we're clearly on a London road. It looks like Basil Street, between Pont & Sloane. *stunned at his own deduction* Why do I know that? I don't remember ever being in London!

    Chris: You ARE the Mysterious Stranger after all. You heard the Narrator. Can you remember anything else?

    Liberius: I think there's a cafe around here someplace. Cafe Rouge or something like that. Everything is deserted right now, maybe we could find some cover in there before someone from a past story arc finds us.

    Chris: Ahhh... Cafe Rouge... Oh, how I love to disdain thee. As your self appointed mentor figure, I approve. If only to point out your bad course of action later in order to prove a lesson to you that I made up on the spot.

    Chris & Liberius hoist the bodies up and make their way over to the building. Seconds after they duck inside and lone man walks down the street talking into a two-way radio.

    ================================================== ====

    Meanwhile, arching through the sky, Lucifer was bored at his seemingly endless trip through the air. To pass the minutes while flying he took out his favorite golden violin and started to play a little classical piece that he had been working on for the past 100 years. The Fallen Angel only got about halfway through it when the ground interrupted his playing. Lucifer stood up a bit dazed at from the landing and looked at a sign post in the middle of the dirt road intersection. He was at a crossroads somewhere in the middle of Georgia. Before he could disappear back to his own relm, he was distracted by a boy coming down one of the dirt paths who was lost in his own world from playing a small violin as he walked. When the boy reached the crossroad he looked up, shocked to see the dark prince staring back at him.

    Boy: Who the Devil are you?!

    Lucifer: The Devil. Who the Human are you?

    Boy: My name's Johnny. And I like to play the fiddle!

    Lucifer: You have got to be kidding me...

    ================================================== ===

    Meanwhile, somewhere in southern Canada, Gebohq dismounts the rear of the horse a little bow legged from the long journy so far. The mountie sat proud on his high horse in the middle of the parking lot as he waited for Gebohq to run into the doughnut shop to get his fix.

    Mountie 4,631: You go on inside. Not sure what your need for a pastry's all aboot, but I'll be waitin' right here for ya, eh?

    Gebohq: I'll just be a minute. I just have to pee... if I still can... and then I'm grabbing a bite for the road. Just stay right there.

    Gebohq opened the door and waddled his way to the restroom. Outside in the parking lot, a portal the size of a horse with a man mounted on it opened up... right where the horse and mounted man stood. It sent them through the rift created by the Interdimentional Taxi and across an unknown course through time, space, & dimention. The Taxi slowly idled it's way out of the rift then let it close behind him. The Driver sat in the parked car and waited for Gebohq to finish trying to pee and bring out a damned eclair.

    ================================================== ===

    Back in London, a propped up Losien & Citizen Rex are sitting at a table along with Chris & Liberius, who just happened to help themselves to the coffee and crackers in the kitchen. As Chris and Liberius ate and sipped on their stolen treats, they debated on the next course of action.

    Liberius: Alright. I see your point so far. Yes, we need to get C.Rex all healed up and we need to find someone to teach Losien here how to be a main character. The Driver is probably picking up Gebohq as we speak. He'll bring him back here and we have him and Losien sit down to have a long civil discussion. That takes care of the second part.

    Chris: True, but that only solves half our problems at most. We still need to fix up this guy and somehow manage to stop JM from creating a plotline so stupid it dooms all of the NeS. How do you plan to do that?

    Liberius: Is there any way we could trick him into getting himself banned?

    Chris: Nope. He's just too slick. On top of that, it's not so easy to just stop someone from being able to work the story. You would need the Legendary Banhammer to do that. It can only be weilded by someone with great power. I'm not talking your everyday, run of the mill Writer. We're talkin' Mods or worse...

    Liberius: Fine, fine. The idea is more than shot down, I got it.

    After a moment of silence, Liberius let out a reluctent sigh.

    Liberius: If we were to go with your idea... a big IF... What's the plan?

    Chris: Easy. We follow one of the paths leading out of here and into another story arc. Probably a really old one. Back when the Highemperor was at his powerplaying peak. We get the two to merge with eachother...

    Liberius (skepticly): Merge with eachother. How do you suppose we do that?

    Chris: Essentially, they are the same character. It would probably only take a single touch from one of them to the other to cause them to bond with eachother.

    Liberius: Sounds too easy. If I recall, the Driver warned us not to mess with anything or anyone. Seemed pretty serious about it too. Like there would be some dire consequences. You know anything about those?

    Chris: Can't say I know too much about how the Land of Story Arcs Past work except for what the Writers put down or what the Narrator tells us...

    The pair pause listening expectantly for the Narrator to chime into the conversation and shed some light on their situation... Nothing but silence.

    Chris: Damn... It was worth a shot. Anyway, from what I can assume logically, if we tinker with a dead story arc and manage to change something about it, no matter how small, it comes back alive as does everything that was attached to it. Old sub-plots, characters, all of it, is thrown back into the dimention where the current stories are taking place.

    Liberius: Yeah, but we're talking about the NeS here. Logic has no reason to be rearing it ugly head around.

    Chris: True... but... Still a possability. If that is the case, there were some really bad dudes roaming around. We don't want to bring any of them back with us.

    Liberius: If we are in one of the dead story arcs and do happen to change it, what happens to us?

    Chris: We get sent back to the current story dimention with it I think.

    Liberius: Hmmm... There are a lot of IF's in that plan. Adding one more though... IF that last part is true, we only have one shot to make it all happen. We would have to sneak in, get them to merge, and manage to not change anything enough before that point to send us all into the active storyline.

    Chris: Right. Because that is where JM is right now and we don't stand a chance. The second we hit the Storyline, he's going to know and be waiting for us.

    Liberius: It's a high risk plan. I don't really like it. However, right now it's the only shot we got. Before we decide to go through with it though let's wait till the Driver brings Gebohq to us.

    Chris: I can agree with that.

    At the robust roasted smell of the bad burnt black coffee, Losien finally regains consciousness.

    Losien: Agree with what?

    Narrator (ala Morgan Freeman): A third party enters the conversation between the unsuspecting duo enjoying their coffee and discussing the fate of the NeS. Will they...

    Liberius: NOW you show up!? Where were you five minutes ago when we were waiting for your advice?

    Narrator: I was here with you. I am everywhere.

    Liberius: And you waited until right now to speak up?

    Narrator: I... I don't want anyone to hear me like this. It is most embarrasing.

    ================================================== ====

    In Disneyland in Florida, seconds before the end of the last post, the scene unfolds almost exactly the same way it had previously... Almost. The four have made it into the Interdimentional Taxi and the Driver puts the pedal to the floor. This time, however, as the Taxi burst forward and just before the interdimentional rift in time and space closes, a lone man dressed in a formal red uniform and mounted atop a horse is tossed out of the rift and onto the broken cobblestone infront of the castle.

    Mountie 4,631: Eh?

    Horse: Neigh!

    A large fireball thrown from the hand of JM, who hovers several feet above the highest tower of the castle, hits the ground directly where it did before. Disintigrating the helpless pair, who went unseen by JM from behind the burning ball, as well as the ground around them.

    JM: NO WAY! I missed them!
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  12. #1212
    In the war-torn landscape of Disney World, the wizard JM stands in frustration as the heroes slipped through his fingers.

    JM: Stupid metaphorical fingers, how'd this happen? I'm supposed to be all powerful now and yet I lost them! I'm too awesome and lazy to have to work at this!

    In a burst of confetti, Rachel, the incarnation of April Fool's Day, stands next to JM.

    Rachel: Then let me help you with some of the work. I can take care of the heroes while you focus on your awesome--

    She is interrupted when a plot-hole opens beside them and Evil Geb, Gebohq's doppleganger from another dimension, steps forward.

    Evil Geb: --plans of evil are stirring and no one invited me? Don't worry, I followed the script well enough to join just in time!

    Rachel: Get lost, or I'll make you--

    Evil Geb waves a stack of papers in front of her.

    Evil Geb: Ah-ah-ah, not while I have these! While everyone else was mucking about, I went ahead and nabbed all your death certificates from the Ruler of Hell and Dark Lord of Satanic Urinals, so I wouldn't piss me off if I were you. Not if you'd like to live at least.

    Rachel narrows her eyes in burning hatred.

    Evil Geb: Don't worry, lovely, all I ask is to help stir some evil just this once, and then I'll hand them over. Besides -- JM, is it? -- no offense, but you'll need all the help you can get right now. As the active villain, you won't be able to follow the heroes to the Land of Story Arcs Past. It'll ruin your plans to destroy the NeS through bad story-telling.

    JM: What are you talking about? Breaking a story's internal logic sounds like pretty terrible story-telling to me.

    Evil Geb: Ah, but you see, that's just what the reader will expect! If you break the logic of the story all the time, then you're consistent with your inconsistency, which builds a solid, if strange, logic of its own. Remain inconsistent with your inconsistencies, though, and you'll be certain to conjur bad story-telling!

    JM: I will?

    Rachel: He will?

    Evil Geb pulls Rachel aside.

    Evil Geb: If he thinks that, we can play a part in this story yet. If he really aims to destroy the NeS, we can't let him do that, can we?

    Rachel: ...point taken.

    Evil Geb turns his attention back to JM.

    Evil Geb: We checked it over, your Awesomeness. We, both being neither wholly active or antagonsitic, can deal with your do-gooder distractions. So what do ya say? Let us help you out?

    JM: Whatever, knock yourselves out.

    Evil Geb: Good! If you don't slow me down too much, Rachel, we may be able to catch a taxi, if you know what I mean!

    Rachel: I hope you die.

    Evil Geb: What was that?

    Rachel: Uh... you're quite a hot guy.

    Evil Geb: Smokin', baby. Smokin'.

    Rachel rolls her eys.

    (Non-Story Note: Just felt the need to bring these two back into the fold!)
    Last edited by Gebohq; 01-26-2011 at 05:00 PM.

  13. #1213
    (NSN: I did too. Couldn't figure out just where or how to write them in. Planned on it in my next post regardless, but since I didn't want to write three in a row, you beat me to it, lol)

    JM stands idly twiddling his thumbs unsure what exactly to do with all the power and no heros to kill.

    JM: You know... Now that I'm completely unopposed it gives me some time to actually think about my plan. I know why, and I know how I want to do it... I just don't quite know how to start the how. You know what I mean?

    Evil Geb: Absolutly no idea. I'm insane & evil by nature. Questions just seem to get in the way.

    Rachel: Sure it's not just your ego?

    Evil Geb: Right now it's your 'tude. It's a little out of whack. Maybe you should go check it.

    JM: Am I going to have to turn you two into something unpleasant or can you stop bickering for a second and let me talk?

    Rachel (aside to Evil Geb): Look who has the ego now.

    JM: What was that?

    Rachel: I said I wonder if we can go now.

    JM: Not yet. I guess what I was trying to say is now that I have all this power, I have no inkling on how to use it towards my goal right now. I figured I would get it mainly to help with destroying the heros but since they're gone I don't even know where to start.

    Rachel: You want to write a bad story, right?

    JM: I think I've made that point several times over a number of the last posts, yes.

    Rachel: Maybe you could start by figuring out what kind of bad writing you could use.

    JM: I'm pretty sure I have a good idea of what bad writing is like. It's not my first rodeo, babe.

    Rachel: This is the NeS. Bad story telling is so much a part of it that you need something huge and drastic for it to even phase it. You need something new, a fresh idea.

    JM thought for a second. Evil Geb gave a couple sidelong glances to Rachel as if to ask 'What are you doing?'

    JM: Go on, I'm listening.

    Rachel: You need to research just what exactly would and would not work.

    JM: Research, hmmm. Never thought to use that. How would I go about this "Research" that you speak of? *Making quotation marks with his fingers*

    Rachel: You need to go and watch as many awful movies that you can think of, maybe even pick up a horrible book or two. Pay very close attention to what is really bad about it and see if you can use anything.

    JM: This idea... does it involve a couch and perhaps some junk food?

    Rachel: There is no other way.

    JM: How devious! I like it! I am off to "Research", whatever the hell that means.

    In a puff of yellow smoke JM disappeared to rent/steal some terrible movies for this 'Research', and left the two not-so-good/not-so-evil duo to themselves.

    Evil Geb: Didn't you just go off on me because you thought I was trying to help him? Because that looked very much like you being a hypocrite.

    Rachel: Listen, if he's sitting on a couch somewhere munching on chips, that not only keeps him from trying to ruin the storyline, it keeps him out of our hair long enough for us to find those would-be heros.

    Evil Geb: You are one manipulative, sly, strangely sexy in a you're so crazy it's kind of hot, evil woman. I would love you right now for that if I didn't dispise the very air you breathe.

    Rachel: Go shove it to someone who cares what you think.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  14. #1214
    Virgin Fleet Admiral
    Posts
    1,326
    Al Ciao the Writer: Johnny the fiddler and the Devil, hmm? I seem to remember this story. That's the one where Lucifer gets stuck up a tree, right? No, wait, that's the origin of Jack o'Lantern. What's the story about the fiddler again?

    Liberius the Writer: *shouting from a few cubicles over* Just google it! Or are you too lazy?

    ACtW: OR you could just TELL me the story... or are you too lazy?

    LtW: Touche. Alright, just make up whatever the hey you want.

    ACtW: I was kinda already gonna do that...

    -----

    In the story realm, in Florida, at Disneyworld, the boy Johnny and Lucifer the Devil and Lord of all Satanic Urinals (gotta love that title) are facing off.

    Lucifer: So.

    Johnny: So.

    Lucifer: Writer not giving you any lines yet either?

    Johnny: Nope.

    Lucifer: Lazy son-of-a-smurf.

    A random techie - who normally works as a sound guy - steps on-camera and hands Lucifer and Johnny each a script.

    Lucifer: Thank you - hey, isn't your name Joe?

    Joe the Sound Guy: Er... yes.

    Lucifer: You were the one who banged Losien in the laundromat (p)AGES ago, weren't you?

    A cocky smile blooms on Joe's face.

    Joe the Sound Guy: Why yes... yes I was.

    Johnny snaps his fingers.

    Johnny: Now I know where I've seen you. The spot on the news story about the REAL Losien, when the movie about her romance with The Last True Evil came out.

    Lucifer: If I remember correctly, you sold your soul to me in order to have the opportunity to have relations with her.

    Joe: Er... No! That wasn't me! You're looking for Joe Shmoe; I'm Joe Bob!

    Lucifer: You're talking to the Lord of Lies. You'll have to do better than that.

    Joe: Um - LOOK OVER THERE!

    Lucifer turns, and Joe dashes back off-camera.

    Lucifer: Aw, crud, I shoulda known better to accept a bargain with someone who can dash offstage that easily. But I could never resist a bargain. Especially with the mattress store in London offers a 10% discount...

    Not to be rude, but shouldn't you be getting to the writer's made-up rip-off of Johnny and The Devil story?

    Johnny: Right-o, Morgan Freeman. Alright, Mr. Devil, I bet that I can play the fiddle better than you.

    Lucifer: Ha! As if a mere mortal could outfiddle me! Although really my preference is for heavy metal guitars... What is your wager?

    Johnny: If I win, I can summon and banish you at will.

    Lucifer: And if I win, I claim your soul here and now.

    Johnny: Fair enough.

    Lucifer pulls out a tricked-out fiddle which looks suspiciously like a stripped-down heavy metal guitar, and plays the most stirring music imaginable. Only a powerplayer could possible outdo it.

    Lucifer: Er... you're NOT a powerplayer, are you, Johnny?

    Johnny: *smiling* Shouldn't you have asked that before you made the wager?

    Lucifer begins to sweat.

    Johnny: But no, I'm not a powerplayer.

    Lucifer: *whew* Now play!

    Johnny: Alright, but first - I'd like to make a bargain with you.

    Lucifer: Eh? Sounds juicy.

    Johnny: In exchange for my soul, I want to be able to fiddle better than you.

    Lucifer: Aw crap.

    Johnny: ...and I know you can't resist a bargain.

    -----

    In the Cafe Rouge in London - not the current London, but an otherdimensional one in the Land of Retired Story Arcs - Liberius, Cris, Losien, and Citizen Rex are around the table. Citizen Rex, of course, is still drained of his powers.

    There is a pop of displaced air and a flash of psychedelic light outside the cafe, and the Interdimensional Taxi appears, squealing to a stop. The back door opens, and Geb limps out, still walking kind of bowleggedly.


    Geb: Ow ow ow... Still hurts to walk, especially after that ordeal in the bathroom. *shudder* Hey, Narrator! Why are you talking like Morgan Freeman?

    Um... it's Imitate A Famous Actor's Voice Week?

    Geb: Oh, cool! I'll be Sean Connery.

    He walks into the cafe, practicing a deep Scottish baritone under his breath, when suddenly he spies the other heroes. Using the term "hero" loosely of course.

    Geb: Aha. Now I shee why the Taxshi brought me hare.

    Losien waves him over.

    Losien: Hey, big brother! Glad you're here!

    Liberius: Why are you limping?

    Cris: And why are you talking like Sean Connery?

    Geb ignores the first question as he slides into the booth.

    Geb: It'sh Imitate A Famoush Actor'sh Voicshe Week.

    Losien: Wow, awesome! I think I'll be Cher.

    The heroes quickly fall into a debate over the merits and drawbacks of the various thespians they want to imitate. Who will Liberius and Cris imitate? Will Citizen Rex ever meet a past version of himself? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll pop?

    The world may never know.

    But you will, if you just tune in next time, on the Neverending Story...

  15. #1215

    A brief message from baconspace

    Geronimo Samuel was a small boy from Paraguay. Every morning he woke up, put on his second-hand tennis shoes, and accomplished tasks that are not relevant to this narrative. Many people found his exploits interesting, thought-provoking, sometimes even exciting. Unfortunately for plucky young Geronimo, you are not one of these people.

    When it's all said and done, not much is known about you, or could ever be known about you. What we do know is that you have the internet. Presumably a lot of it. You possess a vision apparatus(possibly eyes, although that much cannot be confirmed) and there is at worst a 73% chance you have fingers to use when navigating the internet. But these are not important. What's important is that you are here, in space time, reading a historically accurate documentation of your life, as written by somebody who knows nothing at all about you.

    Let's go back to the beginning. I was commissioned by a top-secret government official to write an in-depth biography of you. Who this secret government official is does not matter. We might even assume that this individual was a co-worker of mine who innocently linked me to a website that was horrifically misspelled. MASSIVEASSES.gov becomes massassi.net, and the future changes forever. Of course, being a good Samaritan with a fierce limp and an incurable harelip, I took it upon myself to write this biography, not merely for this government official/co-worker, but for THE WORLD. There could not possibly be a debate over whether-


    You find yourself angrily closing the browser and moving onto other activities. Later in the day you find yourself thinking about the curious GUNTHER, and the unauthorized autobiography he has published about you. You put down the pint of window cleaner, remove a lucky strike cigarette from your pocket, and light it, cooly muttering:


    YOU: Kid don't know me. Nobody does.......

    A mysterious stranger approaches from an unforeseen location. You quickly put the lucky strike cigarette back in your pocket.

    Grandmother: I need a ride to the ornithologist. Are you doing anything right now?

    YOU: I'm busy right now, can we do it later.

    The stranger removes a pair of black leather gloves from his pocket. He menacingly puts them on.

    Grandmother: That's fine then. I do have a bridge game at seven though. Can we do it before then?

    Your eyes wander to the leather gloves. You feel a bead of sweat roll down your temple.

    YOU: That may get a little tricky. I have my tennis lessons at five thirty.

    The stranger's iron grip closes on your neck. You struggle for breath.

    Grandmother: Oh, that's unfortunate. Maybe we can do it tomorrow, then?

    YOU: Can it wait until then? I can cancel the tennis lesson.

    Grandmother: Yes, it's no bother. Have fun at your tennis lesson. Say hi to that nice Paraguayan instructor.

    You black out.

    You wake up in a CAVERN. You are surrounded by PEOPLE INVOLVED IN THE ENRON SCANDAL.


    Ominous Voice: You have reached Domino's Pizza, may I take your order?

    A man emerges from one of the shadows, wearing an eyepatch. He appears to have a chainsaw strapped to his back.

    You: Oh, is this Domino's? Sorry, I meant to order from someplace else.

    You realize that the lucky strike cigarette in your pack was still lit. It has caught fire along with the rest of your clothing.

    Ominious Voice: Are you sure? We have 10₴ pizzas today.

    The cavern is alight with the flames of the wicked. Nobody will be spared.

    You: Yes, I'm sure. I have an allergy to food poisoning.

    Ominous Voice: You probably should have thought this over before you came into the restaurant, then? The big sign out front should have been an indicator.

    You: Yes, that would have-

    The flames turn into a giant volcano!! Devouring all in its path, you take hold of your-

    You: HEY WILL YOU STOP THAT?!?

    Ominous Voice: What?

    You: Not you.

    Who, me?

    You: Yes, you.

    What are you after me for?

    You: Nobody is still reading this, will you please stop it.

    Come on, man, I'm just playing.

    You: No, it's really goddamn annoying. You couldn't even spare a good narrator, it's JUST TEXT.

    So, isn't it kinda funny?

    You: NO, IT REALLY ISN'T. IT'S JUST REALLY ANNOYING.

    Oh....

    You: Couldn't even be like Tim Robbins and get a good narrator like Morgan Freeman following him around. I get YOU and you obviously aren't really trying.

    Morgan Freeman isn't that great, you know.

    You: He's good enough.

    I'm sorry....

    Ominous Voice: Come on, don't be so hard on the guy. He's obviously got something wrong with him.

    You: Don't you have some infected pizzas to sell?

    Ominous Voice: Probably.

    You: Look, just leave me alone. Both of you. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I'm leaving. AND DON'T FOLLOW ME, unless it's your goal to just RUIN MY LIFE.



    So off you went, to live your life. You never found out the truth about Geronimo Samuel, and you apparently never cared. You went on living your life, doing things like taking your Grandmother to the ornithologist and not ordering pizza from Domino's. Probably other stuff too, but that is outside the scope of this essay.

    And now for the next phase of the essay.......HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE SYNCHRONIZED POTATO PEELING OLYMPICS.....
    Last edited by GUNTHER; 01-29-2011 at 02:06 AM.

  16. #1216
    ================================================== ======

    In the writer's world, the small population of the office sit in stunned silence as they read the events unfolding within the NeS. A bit confused, the band of writers reread again and again. Hoping that the next time they might make some sense of it. JMtW laughs from the closet.

    JMtW: Huzzah! So it begins!

    CMtW: YOU! Did you do this?!

    JMtW: I can neither confirm nor deny the said alligations at this time. Maybe I did it, maybe you should point the finger at someone else. Either way, the NeS has its first taste of things to come!

    The company looks around at eachother suspiciously.

    GebtW: Should we do anything about this?

    LiberiustW: I don't know. I'm the new guy. I was taking a break, having some coffee when I came back to this. I'm slightly interested to see where this guy was going.

    CMtW: What? Really?

    LiberiustW: Meh... Something to read while I'm trying to think about what I was going to write next. I already finished all the crosswords in this months Pennypress so I'm a little bored.

    GebtW & CMtW stare at LiberiustW as he leans back in his chair sipping from his oversized "I <3 Terry Pratchett" coffee mug.

    LiberiustW: Well what do you want me to say? He was the only guy that posted for three days and I get bored easily. What're your excuses.

    GebtW: I've been sick.

    CMtW: I have a job & a life. Plus a whole forum populated with people with nothing better to do to manage.

    LiberiustW: And what about the rest of the group?

    LiberiustW announced to the rest of the office. Nothing but silence followed.

    LiberioustW: Al Ciao? Crisp? JM? Anyone?

    He tossed up his free hand in a gesture as if to say 'see what I mean'. CMtW & GebtW both looked unimpressed. LiberiustW took the last sip from his mug and set it down on the desk. He fumbled through his jacket for a second and then took out his pipe, matches, and bag of tobacco.

    LiberiustW: Fine, fine... I'll write something. Just give me a minute to get reaquainted with the story.

    He turned towards his monitor and while he read he packed and lit his pipe. After taking a couple puffs he pulled his keyboard closer and began to type...

    ================================================== ===

    Rachel & Evil Geb are wandering around the cobbled streets of Disneyland trying to find a clue and thinking of some way to reach the would-be heros.

    Rachel: That was some bright idea you had. "Let's go find that Taxi". Real well thought out.

    Evil Geb: And how else do you suppose we find those guys, hmmm?

    Rachel: The Narrator.

    Evil Geb: He's not too keen on speaking at the moment. Also, he doesn't just go around handing out information. He just narrates. Badly I might add.

    Narrator: I resent that.

    Rachel: Hey, Narrator. Would you mind telling us where the main character and company are at?

    Narrator: Not after that last comment, no.

    Rachel smacks Evil Geb on the back of the head.

    Rachel: See what you did? Now appologize to the voice of Morgan Freeman so we can find out where to go!

    Evil Geb: Ouch! I couldn't help it. I'm Evil. It's kind of in my nature.

    Narrator: Too little, too late. I'm not going to hang around here and be insulted any futher.

    Rachel: Wait! Don't go! He was just about to say he was sorry!

    Evil Geb: No I wasn't. It wouldn't have mattered anyway.

    Rachel: Why not? He still might have told us.

    Evil Geb: Not after you called him the voice of Morgan Freeman. I told you he was sensitive about that right now.

    ================================================== ==

    JM sits on a beat up couch that is covered in many different colors of stains and duct tape that did little to hide the tears & holes that riddled the fabric. Beside him was an empty tube of Pringles and an open bag of wavey potato chips. Surrounding the couch was an endless black void. No floor, no walls, nothing else existed in JM's evil dimention... except a cheap color TV/VCR combo from the late '90s that sat upon an upturned milk crate. On top of the TV/VCR set sat a cheap DVD player. And for no reason, on top of the DVD player sat a rabbit ear antenna. JM hit the stop button on the remote in his hand after just finishing his latest bit of 'Research'. To fill the silence, JM thought out loud to himself.

    JM: All right, let's see here... What's next on the list. Wes Craven's They, check. Almost every Steven Seagal movie after 2001, check. Every American Pie after number two, check. The Fountain, Waterworld, & Van Helsing... check, check, & check. What else did I grab?

    JM reached inbetween the couch cushions and pulled out a couple more DVD's.

    JM: Crank 2, Malibu's Most Wanted, Darkness Falls, Sleepless in Seattle... Oh, wait. That ones mine.

    JM lovingly put the case on the armrest and debated between the remaining three. Finally, he decided on the Jamie Kennedy film. He tossed it in the player and sat back in the couch. As he hit play he grabbed a handfull of chips and shoved them in his mouth; not really taking notice or any care to the mass of crumbs that were starting to pile up on his front.

    ================================================== ===

    Narrator: Will JM finish with his research and start his Evil plan or the Heros finally come up with one of their own in time to stop him? Will the NeS care? And will Rachel & Evil Geb ever find a way to get to the Land of Story Arcs Past where they can aide the fumbling five and warn them of JM's plans? Tune in next post for the dramatic...

    Evil Geb: See?! I told you we could trick the Narrator into telling us! My Evil plan hanging around until he forgot we were here worked!

    Rachel: You. Are. An. Idiot.

    Evil Geb: Yeah but I'm an idiot that gets the job done. What's your excuse? OHHH, BURN!

    Narrator: I cannot believe this! I feel so used...

    Rachel: I'm sorry, Narrator. We needed to find out somehow, and I AM the incarnation of April Fools, so when Evil Geb mentioned tricking you I couldn't resist.

    Narrator: It's in your nature. I blame the Writers.

    Evil Geb: Oh, so she gets let off because it's in HER nature but when I do something evil I get into trouble? That's BOGUS!

    Narrator: I'ld pipe down if I were you. You're on thin ice right now pal.

    Rachel: Can you tell us how to get to there then?

    Narrator: The Interdimentional Taxi. But only Liberius can call it.

    Evil Geb: Some help you are.

    Narrator: There is another way. But you're not going to like it.

    Rachel: Please, tell us how! We need to reach them!

    Narrator: Well... they are in the Land of Story Arcs Past. So you could just choose to stop being a part of the story.

    Rachel: Huh? How is that going to help us?

    Evil Geb: No, he's right. If we do nothing and take no action to move the story along, it stops and we become a part of the dead story arc. Then we will be in the Land of Story Arcs Past. Basicly, if we stop trying to find them, we have the chance of them finding us there.

    Rachel: I do NOT like this.

    Narrator: Eh... With the NeS how it is right now, and what with the Writers not writing and all, I don't think you're going to have to wait too long for that to happen.

    Evil Geb: I'm all for it. Do nothing and have the others come to us? Totally worth it.

    Rachel: And what if they don't find us? They have no idea about this plan, no reason to search for us. Will we even be able to tell them if they do?

    Narrator: Of course! Well... if they find you. I told you that you probably wouldn't like it. As soon as they do contact you, though, you come back part of an active story arc.

    Evil Geb: Can I still do nothing when that happens?

    Narrator: If it happens, sure. But you might just end up getting killed... I'm starting to not like you so feel free to go ahead and do that.

    Rachel: Are you sure they can find us there?

    Narrator: Yes. And if they don't... you'll just be stuck there, forever, in an endless loop. Look at the bright side though. You won't even know you're there.

    Rachel: We will be stuck in an endless loop?

    Narrator: Replaying the last moments of activity in the story arc before it died. They could find you at any point in the loop and bring you back. Whatever point that is, it becomes active from that moment on.

    Evil Geb takes a seat on a nearby bench and waits. He pats the spot next to him for Rachel to sit down. Disgusted, she chooses a bench facing across from the one Evil Geb sat at and stared at the grinning man contemptuously.

    Rachel: Just so you know, this is a stupid idea, and you're still an idiot.

    Evil Geb: Shhh... No talkin', babe. We have to sit still and be quiet. Let the story arc pass us on. You getting all hot & bothered being around me isn't going to help with going inactive, darling.

    Evil Geb smiled... evilly. Rachel sat fuming with anger and wanting to tear him a new one, but decided against it. No use making the wait longer than it had to be. But as soon as they came back into an active storyline... She would make it a point to make him a dead man.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  17. #1217
    Meanwhile (NeS count: far more than necessary to make it bad writing), in JM's dark and terribly-"told instead of shown" "research" room, he takes a break from watching his DVD of "American Wedding" to watch it again, this time as it happens to be aired censored on a local American television channel.
    Michelle: Jim, he's not doing it to be nice; he's doing it to [bother] Cadence.

    Jim: Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think - I think that underneath all the [fudges] and [shillings] and [gosh darn gee-willikers], there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think.

    Michelle: Oh, Jim... you gotta stop [mastering the fine art of poodle wrestling]...it's melting your brain.
    JM: Ugh, I didn't think it could get any worse, but all the censoring makes it unbearable. Wait a minute... ****!

    JM rushes out of his seat and into the poorly-described darkness. He returns a few moments later with a far more relieved look on his face.

    JM: Well, now that I've taken care of making a horrible pun that was censored, I need to get back to my research on bad story-telling so I can ruin the Never-ending Story forever. If only I could think of a good way to do that without trying to dabble in story-telling myself...

    ----------------------------------------

    Elsewhere, Evil Geb coughs.

    Rachel: Good going! Now we have to wait even longer!

    Evil Geb grumbles.

    ----------------------------------------

    In yet another poorly-written place, so as to confuse you further, where you were held against your will not too long ago in a CAVERN, the ominous-speaking voices continue speakng to each other, their identities remaining ill-described.

    Ominous Voice #1: We were so close! A moment longer, and we would have had the audience doing our bidding, and thus, had control over the Never-ending Story!

    Ominous Voice #2: How exactly did we manage to do that exactly? I mean, presumably the audience is a changing population of various people that aren't actually in the story themselves, and they were given lines they might not have actually spoken. Who's to say we had the audience at all?

    Ominous Voice #3: Obviously, we had found a character, You, whom the audience was briefly trapped in, a trap which GUNTHER crafted with horrible story-telling for our benefit. Our Globalist goals would have succeeded if Ominous Voice #1 hadn't decided to blow it with his "Domino's Pizza" plan!

    Ominous Voice #1: Hey, everyone loves Domino's Pizza! Especially now that they're doing that whole "crack on their crusts" thing. I don't know what it actually is, but it's really delicious!

    Ominous Voice #4: Uh, has anyone else noticed that this place is on fire? Maybe we should leave?

    Ominous Voice #1: Pfft, the smoke and the fire are obscuring and sillouetting our figures like this. How much more bad-ass can we look?

    Ominous Voice #4: You mean before we die?

    Ominous Voice #1: We lived through the Enron scandal. A little asphixiation and third-degree burns are nothing.

    Ominous Voice #4: *cough*

    -----------------------------------------------

    Rachel: Damn it! Stop coughing!

    Evil Geb: That wasn't me!

    Rachel: Oh. Oops?

    ---------------------------------------------

    In yet another dimension, the Land of Story-Arcs Past to be precise, our current cast of heroes take their time to relax.

    Losien: Hi, I'm Cher!

    Liberius Vir: That was supposed to be a Cher voice?

    Losien: Well, uh...

    Gebohq: How about we just talk normally? I was doing a pretty poor Sean Connery anyway.

    Gebohq winks at Losien, and she slumps in her seat.

    Losien: Geb, I don't know if I can keep up with playing as the main character. I have no idea what's going on or what I should be doing.

    Cris B: I believe that's been covered. We're in a dimension called the Land of Story-Arcs Past, a place where the shadows of characters play out the past over and over until possibly forgotten and lost in time. It's a lot like the Langoliers, really. What a horrible short story.

    Everyone else looks at Cris B.

    Cris B: What? Oh, right. I'm pretty sure we're trying to find Highemperor, a past version of Citizen Rex, so that we can use him to revive Citizen Rex without disrupting the past, like in Back to the Future, and have a fighting chance against JM and his attempts to end all of existence with poor story-telling.

    Everyone else stares at Cris B. a moment longer, then turn their attentions back to themselves.

    Losien: Things are only going to get crazier, and I don't know if I can do this. How did you manage as the main character, Geb?

    Geb: Well... I didn't. That's why I'm not the main character anymore.

    Losien: Oh.

    Geb: Don't worry, Losien. I believe in you, and we're all here to support you.

    Losien: Thank you.

    Liberius Vir: Uh, not to put a damper on things, but are we just going to lug Rex here around the place? Dragging an unconscious guy is going to be, well, a drag.

    Cris B.: We might have bigger problems.

    The heroes notice a dark blade puncturing a plot-hole in the fabric of the story.

    --------------------------------------

    Rachel: What are you doing?

    Evil Geb: I'm tired of just waiting around! Now if you'd quit stopping me, I can finish cutting a plot-hole open and just hop on over there.

    Rachel: You can't do that! It's been clearly established that the Land of Story-Arcs Past can only be reached either with the Interdimensional Taxi, which only Liberius Vir can call, and remaining inactive long enough to enter the Land of Story-Arcs Past naturally. What you're doing won't cause good conflict in the story, it'll only ruin it!

    Evil Geb: We're supposed to be feigning loyalty to JM, and he wants to ruin the story, yes? He might start questioning if we're making the story better. Break a bone now and have a stronger bone tomorrow.

    Rachel: Didn't you argue just the opposite to JM before?

    Evil Geb: Like I said, got to break some bones.

    WILL EVIL GEB AND RACHEL TREAD BAD STORYTELLING TO ADVANCE AND ATTACK THE HEROES? WILL JM CONSIDER USING THE CENSOR TO FURTHER HIS PLANS TO RUIN THE STORY? WILL YOU BE SUCKED INTO MORE OF THIS TERRIBLE STORY?

    WHY DON'T YOU READ MORE AND FIND OUT?
    Last edited by Gebohq; 02-01-2011 at 07:39 PM.

  18. #1218
    Virgin Fleet Admiral
    Posts
    1,326
    Whirlpools of fire and storms of light swarm across his vision. Carebears and Hello Kitties romp behind his eyelids. Werewolves riding centaurs leap to and--

    Aw, sod this. Just how psychedelic is this gonna get?

    Al Ciao The Writer: Keep going! It's brilliant writing!

    Liberius The Writer: *cough*Itbloodystinks*cough*

    ACtW: What was that?

    LtW: Nothing.

    ANYway, Citizen Rex is seeing some weird stuff dredged up from his subconscious as he drowses in his semiconscious state. He is one person, but with two distinct aspects to his personality... one a powerplayer, the other seeking redemption.

    With the powers of the powerplayer sucked out, however, the other is able to come to the fore.

    In the Cafe Rouge, a bright light surges across the field of vision of everyone in the room with a blinding flash.

    Evil Geb: Ha-HA! We have arrived!

    The flash fades, revealing a now-conscious Al Ciao in Citizen Rex's place. He has two brown eyes instead of blue, and his hair is no longer black. He wears jeans and a shirt with those weird Charlie Brown zigzags. Hero Force One's symbol is still attached to his lapel, however.

    Also, Evil Geb and Rachel are now in the cafe, standing in front of a hole in mid-air, the other side being a bench in a verdant park.

    Evil Geb: That's total crap. He just happens to flash like that right when I make my dramatic entrance, so no one sees it?!

    That's what you get for making the Narrator angry.

    Evil Geb: *grumble*

    Losien: Welcome back, Al!

    Al: Thank you, Losien.

    Losien: We missed you.

    Al: Thanks! I know I don't have much ability compared to my alter ego, or a few of the other heroes.

    Losien: Aw, but I think your hair-control power is cool!

    Al: That's neat, but I don't have it anymore. Hero Force One sucked out every last dreg of MY power, and gave it to Highemperor as he turned into Citizen Rex. I'm a normal human now.

    Geb: Oh... That's unfortunate.

    Al: Why? Are we under attack by Morris the Cat's hairball or something?

    Geb: Er... maybe you should look in a mirror.

    Al holds up one of those shiny metal napkin dispensers on the table and peers at his reflection. He sees that his hair - normally under his complete control, and a mass of curly dark brown hair by default - is now a spiky neon orange.

    Al: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Losien: Aw, it's not so bad.

    Al: --OOOOOOO - it's not?

    Losien: It's kinda cute.

    Al's chest swells out in pride. Liberius and Cris muffle their snickers behind their hands.

    Rachel: Alright, so we've clarified Al Ciao's situation. Now we need to stop JM!

    Liberius: Yeah, we're on top of that.

    Rachel: You are?

    Liberius: Yep. We're gonna find a past version of Highemperor and get him to join with Citizen Rex - I mean Al Ciao - so he gets his powers again and the two of them can duke it out!

    Rachel: Um... moving past all the potential pitfalls of that plan - shouldn't you be out looking for him?

    Liberius: Nah, he'll be here sooner or later.

    Rachel: Of all the lazy--

    Evil Geb: Actually, he has a point. Given the nature of the story, important plot points practically fall into protagonists' laps on a regular basis.

    They all hear a loud roar overhead outside, and the dishware on all the tables rattles. Looking outside, our heroes see a flaming dragon soaring down to land in the street outside Cafe Rouge. A becloaked figure dismounts the dragon and hands the reins to a nervous-looking valet. The figure tosses a bag full of gold coins and priceless gemstones to him.

    Becloaked Figure: Take good care of Fido, and the treasure won't disappear in an hour.

    The figure sweeps into Cafe Rouge with a flourish--

    Evil Geb: Great. Everyone gets to see HIS dramatic entrance...

    -and is revealed to be none other Highemperor, Grand Exalted Powerplayer Extraordinaire.

    Highemperor: Waiter! A live horse for my dragon, and sparkling mineral water for me.

    The waiter hurries off, wondering where in London he's supposed to find a live horse, and Highemp's eyes rove the cafe, coming to rest on the heroes.

    Liberius: Why doesn't he looked surprised to see us?

    Cris: He's a powerplayer. They use their uber-I-can-do-whatever-I-want powers to be situationally omniscient.

    Rachel: *fingering her frying pan* I know how to deal with him.

    -----

    In Disneyworld, surrounded by touristing families who gingerly step over the dead bodies of demons and Mouseketeers, Johnny is playing his fiddle, receiving applause. He stops playing for a minute, and snaps his fingers.

    In a flash of hellish light, Lucifer is there.


    Lucifer: Yeah, what is it this time?

    Johnny: I want an Xbox!

    Lucifer: *grumble* Here.

    Johnny: Woohoo!

    NSP: Ack, my funny bone seems to be broken. Oh, well, my inspiration shall return!
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  19. #1219
    Elsewhere, as Mustang and Cool Matty walk down yet another hallway in the magic realm, CM passes by a clock, revealing the date and time.

    CM: Wait, the date... it's been that long?

    Mustang: That long since, what?

    CM: It's only felt like a few days! But if this date is right, it's been months since I left Mimiru and the others to train with you!

    Mustang: Perhaps you didn't notice... the fast dangerous method of training, you didn't know why it was dangerous, did you?

    CM: You mean practically killing myself with energy deprivation wasn't the dangerous part?

    Mustang: Of course not, that's par for the course. No, the real danger was the time. I accelerated time, in order to speed up your training.

    CM: It didn't feel faster.

    Mustang: Time is relative. You don't even realize the effects, which is why without proper control or monitoring, like I was doing, it is very possible to live your entire lifetime in only a few months of accelerated training.

    CM: I think there's a lot of loopholes in that explanation.

    Mustang: You think? Try anti-time. That will really throw you for a loop.

    CM: Isn't that from Star Trek?

    Mustang: Star what? Never heard of it.

    CM: Nevermind. Anyway, Mustang, is there any dire need for me to remain here?

    Mustang: For the time being, no. But we will summon you if your services are needed again.

    CM: You say that like I don't have a choice.

    Mustang (Under his breath): You don't.

    CM: What?

    Mustang: Ahem, nothing. I know you're dying to see Mimiru, so go on.

    Without even another word, CM effortlessly conjured up Mimiru in his thoughts, and teleported himself to her.

    He arrived in Disneyworld, on a stage with a disapproving audience. Boos and hisses echoed its hall. He spied in front of him Mimiru and Subaru, attempting to do the world's longest game of patty-cake.

    CM: Mimiru, what in the world are you doing?!

    She immediately broke off her patty-cake efforts to turn to the voice. Upon seeing CM, she broke into a run and jumped at him, hugging him tightly.

    Mimiru: Where in the WORLD have you been!? I thought you died!

    CM: I was training, and... I lost track of time. I'm sorry.

    Mimiru: You better be! Look what's happened to us while you've been gone. We're irrelevant characters now!

    CM: Irrelevant? But you're my wife, that wouldn't happen!

    Mimiru: I don't have a writer, CM! You're named after one!

    CM: Isn't that sort of breaking the fourth wall, telling everyone that?

    Mimiru: It's still true! The ones named after writers always get the attention.

    CM: Well then I'll have to make sure I am always with you then. The writer will be forced to make sure you're taken care of.

    Subaru: Hey, I don't think that's how it works...

    CM: Nevermind that. Anyway, the story has been absolutely a nightmare as of late. But I have an idea.

    Mimiru: What's that?

    CM: Let's go back to our roots. Our mission to find out what happened to our parents... remember?

    Mimiru: Of course I remember, but we hadn't the time. And I wasn't going to look by myself anymore. You promised you would always be with me on that.

    CM: And it's time we fixed that. Subaru, you've been an integral part of that work. I know Antestarr has been a bit ... out of control lately, so maybe some work will keep your mind off of him for a while?

    Subaru: It's better than being stuck here. And I don't want anything to do with Antestarr, he's going insane.

    CM: Then the gang's back together!

    Mimiru: The gang's back together!

    Subaru: The gang's back together!

    Wandering AI: The gang's back together!

    Everyone instantly swung around and looked at Wai.

    Wai: What?

    CM: When did you get here?

    Wai: I was in the audience the whole time. You two are miserable performers.

    Subaru: Hey! That's not nice!

    Mimiru: Come on, Subaru, be honest. It... it was pretty bad.

    Subaru: Sigh, maybe.

    CM: So, are you going to help us again?

    Wai: My lead on my origin is a bit... preoccupied at the moment. So I should have some time to help. And who knows, maybe Mimiru's world-renowned underground information network might actually come up with something.

    Mimiru: Aw, are you still worried about that?

    Wai: Well, somewhat, but like I said, my only lead is busy. Not much I can do for now.

    CM: Sounds good to me! Let's get out of this hellhole then, and back to relevancy!

    CM grabbed Mimiru and Subaru's hand, and was about to tell Wai to hold Mimiru's, when Wai disappeared.

    Subaru: How does he do that?! There one moment, and without anyone noticing, gone the next!

    CM: He'll catch up with us, he always does.

    With a bit of focus, CM returned the gang to Mimiru's main base, a private island off the coast of England. On arrival, they were greeted by Wai, who had somehow wandered there before even CM could get there. They headed into Mimiru's mansion, ordered a pizza, and sat down at a table, to catch up on their mission from years ago.

    -------------------

    Gebohq the Writer in the meantime, happens to walk past CM the Writer's desk. He notices the post in progress, and takes a glance.

    GebtW: One... Two... three... FOUR?! Goddamnit Matty, I told you to only re-introduce two characters!

    CMtW: But I couldn't! I wanted CM and Mimiru back together, but that meant CM had to go see Mimiru with Subaru! And they wouldn't leave Subaru behind, she's Mimiru's best friend!

    GebtW: Then how do you explain Wai?! He could have been ANYWHERE, that's what he does.

    CMtW: Well yes, I guess in hindsight that was a little excessive. But it's written now, it cannot be undone!

    GebtW: Why you little...!

    GebtW and CMtW get in a tossle, as Liberius the Writer chuckles manically in the background over his newly won "Neverending Badge of Writing Honor".
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  20. #1220
    In the cafe, Evil Geb starts getting frustrated at the lack of him being the center of attention. He angrily pulls the plot-hole shut and turns back to the growing crowd who were more preoccupied with getting the jump on Highemperor.

    Evil Geb: Come on! You can't tell me no one was impressed by my flashy entrance... That was totally cool!

    Chris: Meh...

    Evil Geb: Surely you were shocked by my unexpected arrival... ?

    Losien, Geb, Al Ciao, & Liberius: Not really.

    Evil Geb: But it was completly unprecidented! How could you not!?

    Liberius: Dude, we're in the Neverending Story. Nothing is unprecidented.

    Evil Geb: But the only way to get here...

    Liberius: "Blah, blah, blah, Interdimentional Taxi, blah, blah..." Give me a break. Even I knew that it really didn't even matter. The Narrator was just throwing me a bone with the whistle because whoever wrote me,the ****ing ***hole, forgot to give me any powers or means to get around this place.

    Rachel stands at the back of the crowd and sees an opportunity to make a move on Highemperor while Liberius's senseless ranting is distracting everyone else. She pulls out the frying pan and waves it to get his attention. Without stopping his caffeine fueled speech he glances at the distraction. Silently in the background, Rachel gestures her plan to sneak behind the Highemperor while Liberius keeps everyone's attention on him.

    Liberius: Furthermore... I figured either someone else would get a fancy whistle, thereby effectively taking away half of my usefulness, or some story wielding character left over from the NeS of (p)ages ago would come along via powerplay, plot hole, worm hole, time travel, or any of the other interdimentional vehicles floating around.

    Rachel crept along quietly to a spot close behind Highemp, which was quite a feat considering the bells on her jester hat. Liberius took a large sip of his coffee and caught his breath again to continue.

    Liberius: Also...

    ================================================== =

    Geb the Writer finally abandoned his futile argument with CMtW and made his way over to LiberiustW's desk. He read a little over his shoulder.

    GebtW: What are you doing?

    LiberiustW: Writing.

    GebtW: Are you sure? Because it looks like you're monologuing.

    LiberiustW: I've been a little sick the past couple days. Haven't been able to post.

    GebtW: And what has that to do with your character talking insessantly and not having any of the other more established characters having a go?

    LiberiustW: I wrote half the conversation...

    GebtW: Monologue.

    LiberiustW: Whatever... I wrote half of it before I got sick. Since then, things have happened. I had to adjust who said what a bit.

    GebtW: So you give yourself a whole bunch of lines and don't let anyone else talk? That, uh... "badge of honor" isn't getting to your head at all? Just even a little bit?

    LiberiustW: Fine, fine... I'll just throw out all the garbage I wrote before.

    GebtW: And?

    LiberiustW: Stop having him talk so much.

    GebtW: ... and?

    LiberiustW: And what?

    Al CiaotW (from somewhere across the office): HE WANTS YOU TO STOP WASTING TIME EXPLAINING SO MUCH! MAKES YOU LOOK POMPOUS!

    LiberiustW: *sigh* Alright. Fine. I was just trying to have fun & make things a bit interesting... and it's a bad habit.

    GebtW: What was that last part?

    LiberiustW: I said "I'll get right on it"

    GebtW: Good boy.

    GebtW gave him a pat on the head and walked off victoriously. LiberiustW turned back to his keyboard grumbling a bit then continued his typing.

    ================================================== =

    Back in the cafe, we resume our scene already in progress...

    Liberius: ... I mean, seriously. Who does that? And another thing...

    Highemperor: What are you doing?

    Geb: I was listening to him.

    Highemperor: Not you!

    Evil Geb: Who? Me?

    Highemp: No!

    Chris B: I was thinking about some Chikin.

    Highemp: What's Chicken have to do with anything?

    Chris: No, no... Chikin, not Chicken.

    Highemp: Oh, just stop. I wasn't even talking to you.

    Losien: I think he was talking to me.

    Highemp: Definately not you.

    Al: Maybe he was talking about the group in general? Like, "you" as in all of you, not just one of us.

    Liberius: Good point.

    Al: Now did you mean right now, or what we plan to do?

    Highemp: What? No! None of you... wait... yes one of you, just not the group!

    Al: Was I always this confusing?

    Geb: Don't ask me. I was always confused.

    Evil Geb: That's because you're an idiot.

    Chris: And you're his evil duplicate so what does that make you, hmmm?

    Evil Geb: It makes me...

    Highemp: JUST SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU! I wasn't talking about the group! I was talking to the woman trying to sneak up behind me with a frying pan!

    Rachel froze in her tracks and every eye in the group turned to the forgotten member. Highemperor turned around and snatched the pan from her hand with a look of disappointment on his face.

    Rachel: Uh oh...

    She shrugged innocently.

    Rachel: Ummm... April Fools?

    While Highemperor was turned around and distracted by Rachel, Losien took action. She quickly grabbed Liberius's satchel and swung it full force at the back of Highemp's head, making contact with a loud crash. The table toppled over as the knocked out body of Highemperor fell to the floor.

    Losien: How's that for being the main character?

    Chris: Better than Geb already.

    Geb: Sad but true.

    =================================================

    Back at a private island off the coast of England, Subaru, CM, Mimiru, & the Wandering AI sit waiting for their recently ordered Domino's pizza to arrive.

    Wai: So this training... What all did you do exactly that made it take so long?

    Mimiru: Yes, please do tell why you kept me waiting.

    CM: Alright. Here's what happened...

    Ding Dong

    CM: Ugh... That's probably the pizza. I'll be right back.

    CM made his way to the door, getting his money out and ready to pay. When he opened the door, he was greeted by a small boy smiling menacingly up at him holding two large boxes of pizza & a potato peeling tool.

    CM: Aren't you a little young to be delivering pizzas?

    Ominous Voice: Aren't you a little old to be dancing with monkeys?

    CM: What? That made absolutely no sense.

    Boy: He does that.

    CM: I thought you said that.

    Boy: It wasn't me and it wasn't GUNTHER.

    CM: Who's GUNTHER?

    Boy: Not me.

    CM: Who are you and how much do you want for the pizza?

    Boy: My name is Geronimo Samuel and I'm here to kill you.

    Dun, Dun, Duuunnn!...

    Geronimo: Also, that's $22.75 with delivery and tip.

    CM: Ummm... Not sure if I heard you right. Just so we're clear, could you go back to the part where you're here to kill me?

    Geronimo: Sure.

    CM: Why?

    Geronimo: Because GUNTHER told me to do it.

    CM: Who's GUNTHER again? And don't say not you or the voice. We've already covered that base.

    Ominous Voice: You'll find out soon enough... Maybe.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  21. #1221
    Virgin Fleet Admiral
    Posts
    1,326
    Far away - but not far enough away from the madness that is NeS - back on Earth, a Florida Toys R Us is busy. Kids are dragging parents too and fro, demanding whatever their little hearts desire, whether it be Barbies, Ninja Turtles, or chainsaws--

    Wait. Chainsaws? What kid wants a chainsaw?

    Al Ciao The Writer: You have no idea! Kids are fiends! Every last one of them! They're twisted and evil masterminds of mischief! Never trust them!

    Er, right. Anyway, the checkout lines at this toy store are jammed. At one of the registers, a clerk named Martha has just handed a customer her receipt. She turns to see the next one in line.

    Martha: Hello, did you find everything you needed?

    Lucifer: Getting this XBox was hell! And I should know. First I had to navigate your labyrinthine aisles, escape from some kids who thought I was Santa Claus, and wrestle an angry mother for the last XBox on the shelf! And on the way to the register, a ten-year-old tried to mug me for it!

    Martha: Good, good. That'll be 300 dollars.

    Lucifer stares blankly at her.

    Martha: Ah, you look foreign. Um... Rubles? Lira? Pesos?

    Lucifer: Oh, you meam currency for payment! In Canada, we use souls. How many souls does $300 comes to?

    Martha: I'm sorry, sir, but we no longer accept souls, since that incident when a customer tried to pass off some frog souls on us.

    Lucifer: What? But souls are all I have!

    Martha: Then I'm afraid you cannot buy this.

    Steam is pouring out of Lucifer's ears. He has had ENOUGH!

    Lucifer: I have had ENOUGH!

    I just said that.

    Lucifer: I am the DEVIL. I TAKE what I want. Tremble before me!

    Lucifer starts throwing fireballs everywhere, and parents and kids start panicking and running about in confusion and terror. Within minutes, the whole store is half-wrecked, and Lucifer storms out, a slightly singed XBox under his arm.

    Martha stares after him, then makes her way through the debris to the manager's office. Knocking on the door, she enters to see another woman, also named Martha.

    Manager Martha: Yes, what is it, Martha?

    Clerk Martha: I have instigated another customer into a rampage, Martha.

    Manager Martha: Why, that's wonderful! That's your third incited rampage this month! You're better than a terrorist demagogue. All these insurance checks are making us tons of money, and of course, we have to temporarily close the store for repairs, which inconveniences our customers.

    Clerk Martha nods as she recites their motto.

    Clerk Martha: "Wherever this is inconvenience, Martha will be there." But aren't our insurance premiums getting pretty high with all these claims?

    Manager Martha: Those State Farm agents are suckers - I'm just foisting off our leftover frog souls on 'em.

    -----

    In the Cafe Rouge on the otherworldly London in the Realm of Past Story-Arcs...

    Losien: Alright, now touch him, Al. Then you'll transform back into Citizen Rex.

    Al: I don't wanna.

    Losien: You have to! It's our only hope of defeating JM!

    Rachel: *muttering* Even if Citizen Rex is an arrogant, upstaging pigheaded...

    At that moment, Highemperor springs up.

    Highemp: Haha! You fell for my possum routine! I, Highemperor, could never be knocked out cold!

    Losien: Really? This satchel is heavy as a brick.

    Rachel: It's his powerplaying nature. He can't accept defeat of any kind, no matter how temporary or necessary for the story, and because of his power, he can wish things into reality.

    Geb: Haha! You said "reality".

    Rachel: Story-reality, then.

    Evil Geb: A'ight, come on, step up to it then. Touch him, Al.

    Al: No. I... I can't.

    Losien: You have to! We need your power!

    Al: But... that's... it'd be a case of the solution being worse than the problem. I... I just can't.

    The others look askance at each other. Some, like Evil Geb and Cris, glare at Al, who shrinks away. Losien bites her lip. Liberius, still stuck on the whole powerplayer-can-do-anything-they-darn-well-please thing, chimes in.

    Liberius: Um... I may be new to this story, but how are we supposed to beat someone who can do all that?

    Cris: Oh, it's quite simple, really. The Writers just get into a knockdown, dragout brawl of words, posting madly, often contradicting each other, as the powerplayer tries to retcon what he doesn't like, and the other writers try to tamp him down, on and on, till nothing is left of the story but a massive conflagration of ruin.

    Losien: Um... Is there a Plan B?

    A voice booms down from the heavens.

    Al Ciao The Writer: Yes.

    Al Ciao (the character) has turned pale, in the face of Highemp's power and now at this manifestation of his writer, whom he simultaneously hates and loves, fears and tries to please. The voice continues to speak to Highemperor, whose eyes are blazing silver fire.

    Al Ciao The Writer: You and he spring from the same source, Highemperor. Me. Really, you are the same person, just two aspects that war for dominance.

    Liberius: *whispering to Cris* So... they're schizophrenic?

    Evil Geb: More like a Hulk/Bruce Banner sort of thing.

    Highemp: You let this weaker manifestation rule you now! Though you are of my meta-future, I can prevent that from happening! I will show you the true glory of powerplaying!

    Al: You have yet to see the futility of powerplaying, how it has no true power, only the power to ruin stories and bring obsessive madness to the writers. But you will.

    The camera switches to Highemp.

    Highemp: What? I'm not saying anything yet.

    Joe The Sound Guy: We were just giving you a line to break up Al Ciao The Writer's monologue.

    Liberius: Wait - how come he can monologue but I can't?

    Geb: He's been around since page 12 of the original NeS.

    Liberius: But I've been around before too! Just under a different screen name.

    Cris: Yeah, but nobody remembers you.

    Al Ciao The Writer: So listen up, bub. As your Writer, I can neutralize you at any time. I can prevent you from retconning and disregarding what other Writers have posted. That means I can make you return to unconsciousness, instead of flouting Liberius The Writer's last post.

    Highemp: You couldn't... You wouldn't...

    Al Ciao The Writer: So here's what's going down. You are gonna help. But you will take on the form of Citizen Rex and join the heroes in the present (your future). You do what you want, as long as you help these heroes take down JM. But remember, step out of line, and I'll yank your chain right back to the doghouse.

    Highemp is glowering up at the heavens.

    Highemp: Just remember... Dogs have been known to bite their masters.

    There is the obligatory melodramatic flash, and when it disappears, Highemperor has turned into Citizen Rex. His blue eyes blaze in cold fury.

    Citizen Rex: Half of me is grateful for not being destroyed. But the other half swears vengeance upon you, Al Ciao (the character). I will win our writer's favor back from you. You know how it is.

    Al Ciao nods, his face drawn.

    Liberius: So is HE schizophrenic?

    Rachel: *elbowing him* Shush!

    Al Ciao looks at the others, who are warming to Citizen Rex/Highemperor's presence. It's hard not to be grateful to a super-powerful godlike being for being on your side. He looks down at his feet.

    Al: *speaing to himself* I'm just trying to do the right thing...

    He clenches and unclenches his now-clammy hands. He feels the power still within him swelling beneath his skin, ready to answer his call, become Citizen Rex again and smite the pretender... Rachel puts her hand on his shoulder.

    Rachel: I, for one, am glad I don't have to bean you over the head with my frying pan.

    But Al's eyes are fixed on the charismatic Citizen Rex, and an ache fills his chest.

    Losien: Let's go kick some righteous @$$!

    Everyone gasps.

    Geb: Sis!

    Losien: What? I was just trying to act tough, since I'm the main character now.

    Geb: I was the main character, and I was never tough.

    Losien: Yeah, that worked real well for you, didn't it?

    Everyone gasps again.

    Losien: Oh, I'm sorry, SuperShoes! I don't know what's come over me!

    Cris snickers.

    Cris: Supershoes... Heh.

    Liberius: Oh, you can't tell me Losien's not schizophrenic now...
    Last edited by Al Ciao; 02-06-2011 at 11:40 AM.

  22. #1222
    Virgin Fleet Admiral
    Posts
    1,326
    NSP: Crapola!!!!!!! I just finished typing up a whole post and I LOST THE WHOLE FREAKIN' THING! Here's my attempt to reconstruct it, but be assured, the original was a work of sheer genius... okay, well a work of brilliance... alright then, it was a pretty good work... Fine! It was a work of sheer mediocrity! Happy now?

    -----

    In the Massassi writers' offices, Al Ciao the Writer is sitting in front of his computer, constantly hitting refresh and mumbling to himself.

    ACtW: ...went all righteous on Highemp... now the other writers won't post... too intimidated to follow up that post, maybe...

    He suddenly stands up so his head is poking above his cubicle wall.

    ACtW: Start posting, people! It's been a week since the last post!

    Silence answers him.

    ACtW: Great. Not this AGAIN. Alright, well I'll make another post.

    He sits back down and starts typing.

    -----

    CM has finally shut the door on the mysterious pizza boy, and takes the pizza out back to the swimming pool, where Mimiru and Subaru are already in their swimsuits.

    Mimiru: Wait. Why are having this pointless display of female flesh? It's degrading!

    Subaru: *stretching luxuriously* I know. It's decadent... degrading... delicious.

    Cool Matty and Mimiru are staring at Subaru.

    Subaru: Er, I mean... *cough* Give me a towel to cover up with, quick!

    Cool Matty: Too little, too late.

    Mimiru: So why ARE we having this swimsuit scene?

    Wai: Pointless displays of attractive females boost the Pay-Per-View ratings.

    Subaru: But we haven't been on Pay-Per-View for (p)AGES...

    Cool Matty: Shush! I want to see this view!

    Mimiru slaps him.

    CM: What? I can't admire my wife's body?

    Mimiru: I thought you were ogling Subaru. The camera's focused on her, and I thought that was displaying your viewpoint.

    Actually, the camera is focusing on Subaru on Al Ciao The Writer's directions. Apparently, he has a thing for women with blue hair.

    Suddenly a voice can be heard from the heavens.


    ACtW: Mmmmm, blue hair...

    Mimiru: Right then. Can we move on with this scene, please?

    CM: Yep, got the pizza right here. Chow down!

    Subaru: Somehow, I think there's gonna be more to this scene than swimming and eating pizza.

    A voice booms behind them.

    Mark Hamill: You are right.

    They turn to see Mark Hamill, flanked by Mister T and Mustang Ford.

    CM: Hey guys! What are y'all doing here? We left you at the Haunted House of Heroes in the 8th dimension, watching TV.

    Mister T: JM destroyed it again, foo'!

    Mimiru: Oooh, that's not gonna go over well with Al Ciao The Writer, after he went to to the trouble to rebuild it the first time.

    Mustang: Not to worry, our imported construction crews from Tokyo are used to this sort of thing. They're rebuilding as we speak.

    Subaru: So why are you here?

    Mustang: You must come with me, Subaru. And your companions must join the other heroes.

    Mimiru: Okay, we'll take my private jet.

    Subaru: You DO remember that the last time you took one of your planes somewhere, we died and went to hell?

    Mimiru: Fine then. Matthew can teleport us.

    CM: Can't I finish my pizza first?

    Mimiru: NOW!

    CM: Alright, alright.

    He concentrates, and he, Mimiru, and Wai disappear in a flash of blue flame.

    Subaru: So, Mustang, what do you need with me?

    Mustang: The High Council of Mages wants to see you. You have magic power, which manifested while you were on Michael McLongname's space station many story arcs ago, and has been largely neglected since.

    Subaru: Okay, but lots of people have magic power. Why would the high council be interested in me?

    Mustang: Technically, they're not. But you are a companion of Tsukasa, and he is destined to become the NeSorcerer.

    Subaru: Tsu- Oh, you mean Cool Matty. Well, alright, let's go.

    -----

    In the Cafe Rouge, the heroes are gleefully patting Citizen Rex/Highemp on the back. He turns to Liberius.

    CR: Since you are new to the NeS, I will grant you a boon.

    Liberius: Well, actually, I already have this cool whistle--

    CR: SILENCE! You will accept my gracious boon. Now, do you want an army of a thousand dragons?

    Losien: Oh, choose that, I bet they're cute!

    CR: Or the combined treasure of a dozen galaxies?

    Cris: Pfft. Nothing's more valuable than my chikin.

    CR: OR...

    He pauses for effect.

    CR: ...these really cool sunglasses?

    Al Ciao (the character): No choice at all, really.

    Liberius: The sunglasses, most definitely.

    Citizen Rex hands over the designer shades, and the other heroes cheer Liberius' choice with a chorus of "Awesome!" and "Right on!"

    CR: These shades have many eldritch powers that you may discover.

    Liberius: Sweet! Is X-ray vision one of them? Cuz I'd really like to check out the babes--

    CR: Don't make me take them back.

  23. #1223
    Most of the other heroes can't help but stand in awe around Citizen Rex. Literally. His powerplaying radiates around him, causing even Losien, as the main character, to start falling into the romantic support role. Rachel pulls her aside.

    Rachel: Snap out of it, Losien! You're better than this! You're the main character!

    Losien: I 'unno...maybe he should be the main character. He seems so capable, confident, captivating...

    Rachel: More like contrived. Characters are pools of water, Losien, and his kind spread themselves so much in their desire to "do it all" that their character hardly have an inch of depth to them. And in a story-world like ours, you need depth if you don't want to dry up in the harsh heat of criticism. I'd smack Citizen Wrecks-The-Story with my frying pan now, but I'd be neglecting my duty to protect conflict in the NeS, which is quite present in at least the soul of his better half.

    Losien and Rachel glance at Al Ciao. He is currently off to the side, nearby Gebohq, and rubbing his own arm while gazing at Citizen Rex with resentment.

    Losien: I guess you're right. We just needed him so we'd have a chance against that JM guy, but if we had your help--

    Rachel: Not gonna happen. You're going to need to be in a lot more trouble before I help you out like that.

    Evil Geb: Did someone mention a need for trouble? I can help with that!

    Rachel and Losien back off towards the other heroes, who take notice as Evil Geb reaches deep into the back pocket of his camouflage pants. He digs around awkwardly long, drawing attention to his hips and rear.

    Liberius Vir: Uh...

    Evil Geb: Hold on. Got it!

    Evil Geb whips his arm out as if he's about to shoot them with a gun. Instead, a strange and small harpoon attached to a line whistles through the air from a bracer on his forearm, zipping inches past Citizen Rex's head.

    Citizen Rex: You missed.

    Everyone else stands in horrified realization as Evil Geb cracks a crazy smile.

    Evil Geb: Oh how I love it when there's a genre-blind guy around.

    Citizen Rex turns around to see the shade of Michael McLongname, once former Average Joe and love of Losien turned to a Forgotten character and to evil, reeling toward Rex and the others at a blazing speed, bowling everyone over with Citizen Rex as the front bowling pin. Evil Geb cackles as he whips the rest of his freed line and hook to him.

    Evil Geb: Nothing like a plot-hook to snag some big conflict!

    Obviously disgruntled, Citizen Rex is the first to stand back up.

    Citizen Rex: Do you dare think you can challenge me with this pathetic, forgotten man?

    Evil Geb: Oh, it's not for you, but you make a point. I can't have you ruining the fun just yet.

    He snaps his fingers, and a tiny asterisks-shaped star hovers above Citizen Rex's shoulder.*

    Citizen Rex: ...what did you do to me, exactly?

    Evil Geb: Oh, if I told you that, you'd simply powerplay your way out of it. I should know -- I took your mantle to powerplay for the sake of the story, after all. You can't even begin to fathom what I've done to you.

    Citizen Rex, flustered at the idea that there was a power above his own, starts madly conjuring every force he could imagine to dispel himself of whatever Evil Geb had apparently cast on him.

    In the meantime, everyone else got back onto their feet, with Michael McLongname taking notice of Losien.

    McLongname: How did you-- I don't know how you escaped me, Losien, but you're coming right back with me.

    Losien: I'm not the damsel in distress anymore, Michael. You've fallen hard, and you'll find I'm able to put up more of a fight than you think!

    Michael McLongname grabs Losien by the upper arm.

    Losien: ****, being a woman really blows sometimes.

    Gebohq: Support characters, assemble!

    Gebohq, Al Ciao, Cris B. and Liberius Vir all dive on top of Michael McLongname, while Rachel glares at Evil Geb laughing at the conflict he's caused.

    WILL LOSIEN AND THE OTHERS ESCAPE FROM MICHAEL MCLONGNAME AND THE LAND OF STORY-ARCS PAST? PROBABLY. BUT HOW? WHO KNOWS? KEEP READING AND MAYBE YOU'LL FIND OUT!

    *Footnote: Citizen Rex has not realized that the only thing Evil Geb had cast was a footnote to be found here at the end of this post. Citizen Rex is not under any power cast from Evil Geb. He is only currently victim to a mind game being played on from Evil Geb.
    Last edited by Gebohq; 02-17-2011 at 11:13 PM.

  24. #1224
    ================================================== ==
    Liberius the Writer opens the door and enters the quiet writer's office.

    LiberiustW: Ahhh... good to see you guys fixed the door while I was gone.

    The sound of the door shutting & the familiar voice catches the attention of the other busy writers. They pop their heads over the walls of their cubicles; raise them up and over their desks; and, in the case of JMtW, open the closet door to get a peek at LiberiustW as he makes his way to his desk in his corner cubicle/office area. Hanging up his coat and scarf on a hook in his corner, he takes a seat and withdraws his pipe from his pocket.

    AltW: You left?

    LiberiustW: Uh, yeah? I ran out of beans for my coffee. There was also a couple other things I had to take care of.

    GebtW: What?! You can't leave! There's no where to even go! It's completely against the rules!

    Puffing on his pipe, LibtW opens a drawer on his desk and pulls out a thick, dust covered tome and underhands it across the aisle and onto GebtW's desk flawlessly. All while remaining comfortably in his seat.

    GebtW: What the heck is this?

    Al CiaotW: What's a 'tome'?

    LibtW: It's a book. As to what book, you could just look at it instead of asking me.

    GebtW grubbles at the blatant insubordination of his writer and wonders to himself if the honorary bagde & title was getting to the man's head. Picking up the book, he swips off enough of the upper layers of dust to read the title through the lower ones.

    GebtW: "A Brief Guide to the Handbook of the Neverending Story and Other Writing Stories With Cliffnotes and Newly Updated Introduction - Pocket Edition"... How is this a 'Pocket Edition'? It's thicker than a phone book.

    Al CiaotW: If that's a brief guide I'm almost afraid to see the whole handbook.

    LibtW: I've only seen one copy of that. Haven't even gotten past the author's note on that one.

    GebtW: We have a handbook?

    LibtW: Yup...

    LiberiustW gets up from his desk and walks over to the closet. He opened the door. A surprised JMtW hides his eyes from the sudden exposure to the light while LiberiustW directs everyone's attention to the upper shelves over JMtW's head. There, spreading out along three complete shelves, were several thick volumes sequentially numbered and titled simply 'The Handbook(s)'.

    Al CiaotW: Huh... So that explains the pocket edition.

    LibtW: When they gave me the desk I found it buried behind an empty bag of chips, a shoe horn, a VHS copy of Titantic, and a bottle of scotch. I didn't really notice it until the scotch was gone though.

    GebtW: Ok, so what does this have to do with you leaving?

    LibtW: After the introduction ends on page 167 there is a small section, only about 64 pages, that talks about some of the obligations of us writers. Rule 1,537... "Writers have no contracts and, therefore, are not required, paid, or binded to posting more than they so desire or are able to. All posts are at will." Of course, I am paraphrasing a bit.

    AltW: You actually read that entire book?

    LibtW: Hell no. I don't have that kind of time. I just find the loopholes I need to keep me out of getting into trouble if something pops up.

    GebtW: Ugh, fine. Use your 'loopholes' for now. But I am keeping this book with me so you don't go causing any more trouble. Now... Get back to writing... Please. You know... if you feel like it, it would be nice.

    LiberiustW returns to his desk and shuts the drawer. He yawns and stretches a bit before taking a sip of his coffee and turning towards his keyboard to write.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  25. #1225
    =================================================

    In the cafe, Geb, Chris, Al, & Lib are all piled ontop of Mclongname. Rachel stares at the laughing Evil Geb. Citizen Rex* & Losien stand waiting to be directed by the Narrator. Suddenly...

    *******************************

    THE FOLLOWING SEQUENCE HAS BEEN DEEMED TOO ACTION PACKED AND SUSPENSEFUL FOR A PG-14 AUDIENCE. IT HAS BEEN EDITED FOR CONTENT DUE TO INTENSE SCENES OF PERIL FOR THE HEARTWARMING CHARACTERS, LANGUAGE, NUDITY BOTH BRIEF AND LASTING, CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL, MINOR DRUG USE, VIOLENCE, SCENES OF AN EXTREME SENSUAL NATURE OF MULTIPLE SEXUAL ORIENTATIONS, GORE, IMPROPER USE OF A FOUNTAIN PEN, ADULT THEMES, SCARY MONSTERS, RELIGIOUS SUBTEXTS, & SCENES OF DEATH AND REBIRTH.

    IT HAS BEEN FORMATED TO FIT YOUR BROWSER WINDOW AND EDITED IN LENGTH TO FIT WITHIN THE PROPER POSTING STANDARD.

    I, THE CENSOR, NOW RETURN YOU TO THE POST ALREADY IN PROGRESS.

    ****************************************

    Liberius: What the hell was that?!

    Chris B: It was freakin' awesome is what it was! Did you see when I did that thing?!

    Al Ciao: Or how about what Rachel and Losien did?!

    Gebohq: Please, don't remind me.

    Losien: I was more shock with what my bother and Chris had to do when...

    Geb: Please, don't remind me of that either. Let us never speak of that again. Or acknowledge that it ever happened.

    Citizen Rex*: Agreed.

    Liberius: What? No... Shut up, all of you!

    The stunned party all turned to stare at Liberius silently with the exception of Rachel standing up, adjusting her jester hat, and inconspicuously zipping the back of her Chinese dress up. They all waited for him to speak.

    Liberius: I don't mean everything that just took place. None of us can really forget that... sorry Geb... but what happened just now. None of you caught that?

    Rex*: I caught...

    Lib: No, Rex, not that.

    Rex*: Oh.

    Lib: I have an idea. Morgan... I mean, Narrator... Is there any way you can tell us what happened recently?

    Narrator: Sure. First Mr. Mclongname was freed from you people piled on top of him when Evil Geb came over and...

    ***************************************

    DUE TO THE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED INFRACTIONS, THIS SEGMENT OF THE STORY...

    ***************************************

    Liberius: THAT! RIGHT THERE! THE CENSOR!

    Chris: Yeah, and? It's the Censor. What's your point?

    Liberius: You don't find it strange in the slightest that at the most interesting point in the current story, the Censor pops up and... well... censors everything? Don't you think that the NeS could have used a bit of |CENSORED| or even some |DEFINATELY CENSORED|?

    Rex*: That is most intriguing. Sure, some of it was necessary, but to that extent is unprecidented.

    Chris: You know... That is a |DARN| good point. OH, COME ON! REALLY? WHY IN THE |NOT EVEN GOING TO DIGNIFY THIS WITH AN INUENDO| DID THAT NEED TO BE CENSORED?!

    Liberius (a bit sarcastic): See? Something's happening with the story. I suspect JM but hey, what do I know, I'm just 'The Mysterious Stranger'. Nobody takes me seriously. Geb, you have the power to wield the story. Can you tell us anything about it?

    Geb: Lib is definately right. Something is going on. But how come you noticed it first and I didn't? Or even Citizen Rex* for that matter.

    Lib: I think it has to do a little bit with my past.

    Losien: I thought the Mysterious Stranger's past was never fully covered in the story?

    Gebohq: Yes and no. Bits and pieces can be revealed, ecspecially at times when the story seems to have hit a dead end and some new complication or character power needs to be introduced in order for it to move along. In the case of the 'Mysterious Stranger', whomever it may be in that specific story arc, trauma to the head or something else to jog their memory could do it.

    Chris: Oh! Oh! Like when Liberius just hit his head on that serving tray becuase |THIS IS STARTING TO GET REALLY REDUNANT EVEN FOR ME... THE CENSOR. I LIKE REFERING TO MYSELF IN THIRD PERSON. I MEAN... THE CENSOR LIKE REFERING TO THE CENSOR IN THE THIRD PERSON|. Ugh... You know what? I'm not even going to bother arguing at this point.

    Rachel: Without trying to explain why, can you just tell us why you caught on before any of us?

    Liberius: I think it has to do to the fact that I am a writer.

    Losien, Gebohq, Citizen Rex*, & Al Ciao: You're a Writer?!

    Liberius: No no no... I'm just a writer. Not a Writer. Notice, the absence of the capitol letter. I mean, I write as a profession. An Author.

    Chris: Author had a capitol letter.

    Liberius: Story for another time, my friend. In short, because I write, I think I am a bit more in touch with how the story is flowing. I can see and read how the story is being writen even though I am part of it.

    Geb: I don't get it.

    Losien: You idiot. How did you even survive as a main charater?

    Al Ciao: He ran away a lot. Listen, Geb, I think I get it. It's like he's a jedi and the NeS is the force.

    Geb: OHHH...

    Liberius: Not quite. It's a lot different & definately more complex than that. But apparently that analogy works for him so I'll just leave it at that and not try to explain it further and run the risk of him not getting it again.

    Rachel: So what happens now?

    The group turn around to look at the mayhem that was the cafe. Blood from nameless parties decorate the area. Tables lay broken and/or upturned. Scorch marks are scattered on the walls and floor like holes in swiss cheese. Above all else, was the fact that Mclongname and Evil Geb had escaped sometime during the Censor's censoring.

    Liberius: Narrator, can I have one last favor?

    Narrator: Fine, fine... What?

    Lib: Can you repeat the last events that happened from the earliest point possible without the Censor interfering?

    Narrator: Evil Geb and Michael Mclongname ran out the door to the cafe and into the street while the rest of you were busy tearing up the place thinking they were still here. Oh yeah... and since you people went and started changing things and messing around too much, you caused this storyline to become active again. JM know's your back but is too busy watching Darkness Falls to care to come here. Way to go... 'Heros'

    Losien: We got everything we needed from the Land of Story Arcs Past anyway. Now we can face JM, Evil Geb, and Mclongname. Even though we still have no idea just what we're going to do, we can do it.

    Liberius goes to take out his sunglasses only to find that at some point in the censored fray they were broken. He tosses the shards into the garbage as the group walks out the door.

    Lib: Damn. I felt like wearing my sunglasses at night. Son of a |THIS IS REDICULOUS|, I hate you Censor.

    Narrator: Where are you all going? I wasn't done explaining things yet!

    Geb: I don't like where this is going.

    Narrator: Neither did I, but none of you listened when I tried to stop you. The story arc you so successfully revived... Deserted London street, man running down in the middle of it talking into his radio... None of it rings a bell?

    Losien: Nope.

    Liberius: *sigh* yes... but at least we know what's coming now. We can stop it now that there are people actually here and active enough to do so. Also, remind me to kill that driver for picking this story arc to bring us to.

    Gebohq: I don't get it. What story arc?

    Narrator: Maybe you should go back and look at page 30. You idiots resurrected the arc where the NeS gets destroyed at the end. Way to go. Idiots.

    =============================================

    JMtW sits in his darkened closet in the Writer's world laughing.

    JMtW: HA HA! I CAN DESTROY THE NeS WITHOUT EVEN WRITING! I AM SO AMAZING!

    GebtW looks up across his desk to LiberiustW as he types the remaining lines of his post.

    GebtW: I hate you... so much.

    =============================================

    (NSN: No, I am not trying to end the NeS, nor do I have plans to stop writing. I've only been on hiatus because of all the other writing projects and errands I've had to run this week, lol. Besides, I don't have that kind of power. Neither does Geb considering what happened when he tried to do it. No offence intended with that statement, Geb. Cool Matty just wouldn't let it happen, lol.)
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  26. #1226
    Virgin Fleet Admiral
    Posts
    1,326
    NSP: Erm, I still don't know what story arc we're in. Page 30 of the original NeS or NeSquared? If the latter, is that the one where JM's Ego tries to subsume everything? And how is that relevant to a London street? Don't suppose I could take a peek in that "pocket handbook" for the answer, could I?

    -----

    Al Ciao the Writer finishes reading Liberius' last post. He then peers over his cubicle wall and speaks to Liberius.

    Al Ciao the Writer: Erm, I still don't know what story arc we're in. Page 30 of the original NeS or NeSquared? If the latter, is that the one where JM's Ego tries to subsume everything? And how is that relevant to a London street? Don't suppose I could take a peek in that "pocket handbook" for the answer, could I?

    He winks.

    Liberius The Writer: Please don't wink at me. That's just creepy. And no, you can't look in the pocket handbook, cuz Geb confiscated it, and I think he's going Fahrenheit 451 on it.

    Behind them, a blast of flame WHOOSHes out of Geb's editor's office.

    ACtW: Point taken. Well, time to improvise!

    -----

    Citizen Rex: We should take a moment to take stock of our resources. First and foremost is myself, paragon of power.

    Al Ciao: Yadda, yadda, like to see HIM with a neon orange haircut...

    Citizen Rex: What was that?

    Al Ciao: Nothing.

    Geb: He said--

    Thinking quickly, Al Ciao yells up to the sky.

    Al Ciao: Yo, Censor! Geb's cursing something awful here!

    CENSORED

    Geb: -and that's what he said, CR.

    Liberius: Very clever, Al.

    Al: Thank you.

    Liberius: Except by invoking the power of the Censor voluntarily, you may have doomed us all.

    Al: Um... oops?

    CR: ANYWAY, since my powerplaying mantle seems to have been stolen by Geb's evil doppelganger, I have merely my in-story powers, rather than the more metaphysical ones.

    Losien: What are your "in-story" powers.

    CR brightens and opens his mouth to start a lengthy litany of his prowess and abilities, but Rachel forestalls him.

    Rachel: Basically, a cross between a Jedi and a Green Lantern.

    CR: Right. Next, we have Losien, who is the current main character, and seems to already be growing into that role. However, her mantle of primacy is still split between herself and her older brother Geb, who has not yet relinquished the destiny of Ohqhood. Between the two of them, they can supply the meta-story powers that I lack for the moment.

    He looks around them, meeting each's eye, his aura of charisma still powerful.

    CR: Liberius' newly awakened awareness as the Mysterious Stranger is key to our efforts, as his situational divulging of information can guide us and protect us. The rest of you aren't strictly necessary - well, technically, NO ONE is strictly necessary except me, but I digress - but can still play helpful roles. Rachel, for instance, can neutralize Evil Geb, preventing him from bringing to bear his full might upon us, especially since her frying pan is handy for knocking powerplayers unconscious. Cris here is our quartermaster, for an army marches on its stomach.

    His gaze falls on Al Ciao, and hardens.

    CR: Ciao, however, is useless.

    Al's lips press firmly together in a thin line, but he says nothing, hoping he can win a moral victory by being the bigger man.

    Unfortunately, a moral victory is useless unless it is vindicated by others, and CR merely turns away and ignores him. Al sighs.


    Al: What use, indeed?

    CR: And our offensive power will be increased shortly, if the localized energy fluctuations I'm picking up in the space-time continuum are any indication.

    At that moment, Cool Matty and Mimiru teleport in, with a flash of harmless azure flame.

    CR: Welcome, mage. For those of you unfamiliar with Cool Matty, he is a powerful sorcerer in the making with a grand destiny ahead of him. He has many magical abilities, some as-yet untapped, but his primary specialties lay in telekinetics, teleporting, and flame-based attacks. He is also whipped by his wife, Mimiru.

    CM: Hey now-

    Mimiru: Hush, Matthew.

    CM: Yes'm.

    -----

    Elsewhere, Evil Geb and the NeShade Michael McLongname have stopped running, pausing to catch their breaths, before remembering that they don't need to catch their breaths, Evil Geb because he is now a powerplayer, and McLongname because he is effectively a ghost.

    Evil Geb: Interesting. Your astral form is persistent. I'd only intended to hook you in for a single post or two of conflict.

    Michael McLongname: What's happening? I have memories... jumbling together. I have followers on Jupiter... but I also remember... being destroyed!

    Evil Geb: Yes, that's because you are yourself from the past, before being destroyed, but now that this story arc has been active again, your memories are integrating with the reality of what has already happened to your future self.

    Michael McLongname: O... kay...

    Evil Geb: Now, let's do a team-up here, so we can destroy the heroes and simultaneously stop JM from destroying the story!

    Michael McLongname: I just want to kidnap Losien.

    Evil Geb: Fine, we'll kidnap Losien while we're destroying the OTHER heroes.

    Michael McLongname: And I must kill The Last True Evil.

    Evil Geb: Look, he's not even an active character in this story arc. He's fighting alongside demons in Disneyworld, last I checked.

    Michael McLongname: Then to Disneyworld I go!

    Evil Geb: Er... did I say Disneyworld? I meant, um, here in London! Yes, he is here in London, and the only way you can find and destroy him is by sticking close to me, you hear?

    Michael McLongname: Very well.

    -----

    Meanwhile, JM is watching "Meet the Spartans".

    JM: Haha! Britney Spears deserves to be pushed into that pit! And so does the NeS! Oh, yes - the NeS! Enough of this pointless drivel - time to destroy the NeS through bad writing! I am so awesome!

    You know, just saying that over and over doesn't make it true.

    JM: Yes, it does! Ever heard of the power of positive affirmations?

    Dear Lord, don't tell me you have sticky notes saying "I am so awesome" posted on your bathroom mirror...?

    JM: Er... no... >.>

    Well, it looks like things are finally happening! It's going to be a three-way showdown between the heroes, the villainous duo, and the self-delusional JM! But who shall win? Only you can decide, America! Send in your votes to determine who is your next... American... Idol!

    Simon Cowell: They all bloody stink. You'd be better off voting nincompoops into the Parliament... Oh, wait, that's already happened.

    -----

    In the Massassi Writer's Office, Al Ciao the Writer is leaning comfortably back in his deluxe reclining swivel chair, which he nicked from Cool Matty's secretary, thinking proud thoughts about his latest post.

    Gradually, he becomes aware of a distant roar.


    ACtW: What's that noise?

    Cris the Writer: I believe there are a bunch of Brits outside, protesting the line from your post that Parliament is full of nincompoops.

    ACtW: Ah, just get Otter the Writer to give them some cowtails, and they'll go away.

    CrisTW: Er, the mob after Otter's cowtails was in the STORY, Al.

    ACtW: And where do you think we got the INSPIRATION for that bit?

    CrisTW: Right.

  27. #1227
    Gebohq: Glad you're here, CoolMatty! We could use someone to teleport us out of this Land of Story-Arcs Past!

    CM: Alright, just give me a minute to--urk...

    Cool Matty bends over to the side and vomits.

    Rachel: Well, that's lovely.

    Cris B: Is that half-digested pizza?

    Mimiru: Oh no! That pizza he ordered must have not been good! I don't think he'll be able to help anytime soon.

    Cris B: What about that taxi Liberius has at his call?

    Liberius: Oh yeah. Wonder why we didn't do it sooner.

    Liberius Vir blows his whistle, and in a flash, the Interdimensional Taxi drives up to the group. The window rolls down to reveal the driver's face.

    Driver: Where'll it be, sir?

    Liberius Vir: My friends and I need to go to, uh, Disney World, I suppose.

    Driver: Can your friends pay the fare?

    Liberius Vir: Fare? There's been no fare charge before!

    Driver: Well sure, not to drive them INTO the Land of Story-Arcs Past. I get a heafty cut from the Land of Story-Arcs Past Tourism Buereau to bring people here. Just about anywhere else, though, is another matter. You'll never have to worry about fare, Mister Vir, so long as you have that whiste, but any of your friends will have to pay for the fare.

    Liberius Vir: OK, well, how much will the fare be for them in all?

    Driver: From here to Disney World? I'd say about fourty dollars.

    Liberius Vir: I, uh, don't have that much on me. Guys?

    The rest of the heroes dig around in their pockets. Most turn up with empty wallets and lint, with the exception of Cris B, who has about three dollars and twenty nine cents.

    Liberius Vir: Uh, can you put it on my tab?

    Driver: No can do, sir. Call me when you have the fare in order.

    The Interdimensional Taxi drives off from the nothingness it came from.

    Liberius Vir: What the hell? Are you telling me even our resident powerplayer didn't have oodles of cash on him?

    Citizen Rex: What need would I have for money?

    Liberius Vir: You should have just made some appear then! Or nevermind that -- just use your ridiculous powers to get us out of here!

    Citizen Rex: Since the last confrontation with Gebohq's evil counterpart, Evil Geb, he has been what I can only assume to be sapping most of my trans-infinite power from me. Normally, this would not be an issue, as I would simply stop him from doing so. It doesn't even feel as if he's doing anything to me at all, which is what concerns me the most. He may have done any number of things to me, and an attempt to flex my power beyond a mere minimal superhuman level may endanger myself, and perhaps all of existence.

    Liberius Vir: Right, of course.

    Losien: I think we, the heroes, are screwed beyond all belief. If only there was somebody tasked with keeping Good and Evil in balance to help us in our time of need.

    Rachel: Nice try, but you still have quite a few options left. No dice, Losien.

    Losien: Yeah, it was a stupid idea, I know.

    Al Ciao: What about using your story-wielding? As a main character and Gebohq's sister, you should be able to control the story to take us out of here!

    Citizen Rex: That's a terrible idea. Story-wielding isn't like powerplaying -- it has severe limitations.

    Everybody else murmurs in agreement.

    Citizen Rex: Wait, I have an idea! Losien, you're a main character and Gebohq's sister -- what about trying to wield the story to transport us all elsewhere?

    Everybody else murmurs in consideration and approval.

    Al Ciao: Seriously?

    But Al Ciao is promptly ignored.

    Losien: I don't know how though! I mean, how does one even story-wield anyway? I never understood that.

    Citizen Rex: It's a technique that few wholly understand -- save for myself, of course -- but at its core, it requires that, whatever is done, it be engaging to the audience reading the Never-ending Story. The matter is moot to some degree, however, since you alone cannot sufficiently story-wield, even if you knew how. Gebohq, therefore, will teach and aid you in the matter.

    Gebohq: Don't worry, sis, I'll help you out! Uh, but it'll take a bit to teach her what she needs before we can try anything out.

    Losien: I'm sorry I'm not smarter, Geb, and we have to waste so much time.

    Gebohq: That's not what I meant.

    Losien: It's OK.

    Citizen Rex: Right then. In the meantime, we'll have to keep an eye out and make sure no other old story-arcs are disturbed to cause us any trouble. That goes double for you, Al, so try not to cause any more trouble than you already are.

    Al Ciao: *sigh*
    Last edited by Gebohq; 02-21-2011 at 10:27 PM.

  28. #1228
    Virgin Fleet Admiral
    Posts
    1,326
    Suddenly a thought strikes Citizen Rex.

    CR: Nonsense, Narrator! Thoughts do not strike me! I demand their obeisance, such that sheer genius is mine!

    Would you prefer a tank to strike you instead? Either that, or a thought, take your pick.

    CR: Blasphemous heathen! Daring to suggest that I could felled by a mere--

    A tank drops down out of the sky and flattens Citizen Rex.

    CR: Urgh...

    He forgot that he can't powerplay very well at the moment.

    Al Ciao: *snickers*

    With a blast of silver flame, the tank is disintegrated and CR stands up, his outfit in perfect condition, nary a scratch or a wrinkle on it. Well, it was worth a try.

    CR: SILENCE! I have had a thought of sheer genius.

    No, you haven't - you took the tank instead. I'm gonna give the thought to Cris instead!

    CR: You wouldn't dare!

    Keep it up and I'll give it to Al.

    CR: ...fine. Give it to Cris.

    Cris: Hey! I just thought of something.

    CR: *grumble*

    Liberius: What's that, Cris?

    Cris: I'm hungry. Who wants chikin?

    Grr...

    CR: *snicker*

    Losien, taking the role of main character seriously, smacks Cris upside the head.

    Losien: I know I'm pretty dumb, but you're smarter than THAT, Cris! What's your other thought?

    Cris looks crestfallen.

    Cris: No one wants any chikin?

    Losien, tender-hearted as she is, can't bear the look on Cris' face, and gives in.

    Losien: Okay. We'll have some chikin, and THEN we'll hear your brilliant thought.

    Others: We will?

    Losien: YES! Now line up.

    Murmuring and grumbling, the other hero-types line up, CR in front. Cris dishes up chikin to each one, and they take away their plates with ill grace.

    Cris: That'll be four pounds apiece.

    CM: What?!

    Al: That's outrageous!

    Liberius: Besides, don't you remember last post? We don't have any money?

    Mimiru: Huh? Y'all needed money? Why didn't y'all ask me? I'm loaded.

    CM: She is. She even has a mansion in the 8th dimension.

    Cris: I don't take credit.

    Mimiru: Oh. Nevermind then.

    Cris: Well, y'all now owe me 80 hours of work each at my chikin shack.

    Geb: Wasn't your chikin shack destroyed a couple pages ago? And didn't you swear revenge on us for that?

    Cris: Er...

    Rachel smacks Geb upside the head.

    Rachel: *hissing at him* Shush! No need to make him remember that!

    Losien: Right, so what's your brilliant idea, Cris?

    Cris' face lights up.

    Cris: I'm gonna build a rotating chikin restaurant on top of Big Ben! And once that takes off, make it a chain in every major city in the world!

    Losien: No, I meant your brilliant thought that the Narrator took away from Citizen Rex and gave to you.

    Cris: Oh, that.

    Losien: Yes?

    Cris: I forgot.

    Losien starts to turn red. A vein begins bulging in her temple. Al and Geb quickly come to her side, each putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

    Geb: Calm down, sis. We'll think of something.

    Losien: How did you ever deal with being main character? This stress, this responsibility! I can't take it!

    Al: Yes, you can. Geb mostly dealt with it by running away--

    Geb: I was only going for reinforcements, I swear!

    Al: --but you're stronger and smarter than you think. In fact, I bet you're smart enough to come up with the same thought Cris had!

    Losien: No, you're wrong! I'm worthless!

    CR comes up to Losien and gently lifts her chin with a finger, looking her in the eye.

    CR: Beautiful Losien, you are smarter and stronger than you think. You can come up with that thought yourself.

    Losien: *sniffle* You're right. I can do this... I hope.

    Al: Seriously? Again?

    Losien: I've got it! Cris' idea is to call the Interdimensional Taxi again and have him take us to Disneyworld - because Disneyworld is now no longer an active story arc!

    Everyone furrows their brows in thought.

    Rachel: Is it? The battle's still going on.

    Liberius: But we've been out of it for many posts.

    Cool Matty: Battle? What battle?

    Geb: Hey, if Losien says she can make it work, she can make it work.

    Losien: Thanks, SuperShoes.

    Geb reddens and opens his mouth, but a look from Al silences him. Liberius blows his whistle, and the Taxi appears.

    Taxi Driver: Yeah?

    Losien: Disneyworld is now IN the land of past story arcs.

    Taxi Driver: Really?

    Losien: Well, I THINK it is...

    Taxi Driver: Good enough for me. Climb in!

    They roar off, and appear in Disneyworld. They see fellow hero-types, temporarily forgotten and left there, and demons fighting against Disney characters and Dr. Evil's goons. Losien sees The Last True Evil, her lover, and calls out joyously to him.

    Losien: TLTE!

    Unfortunately, now that they're back at the Disneyworld battle, their presence makes it an active story arc once more, which causes a meta-shift transdimensional reversal which shunts our party back to the London street outside Cafe Rouge in the Land of Past Story Arcs.

    CM: Aw, crap.

    Losien: I knew it! I'm completely worthless!

    Al and Geb look at each, concerned for Losien. Citizen Rex looks triumphantly up at the sky.

    CR: I knew it! Any thought that didn't come from me is worthless! Now, as I was saying LAST post, let's focus on training Losien's story-wielding...

    And here we come to the end of this completely useless post, which has our party - Geb, Losien, Al Ciao, Liberius, Cris, Rachel, Cool Matty, Mimiru, and Citizen Rex - end up exactly where they began! Come back next time, for NeSquared: Plumbing New Depths of Pointlessness!

  29. #1229
    In the realm of the Writers....

    CrisTW wakes up from drooling on his computer keyboard and looks around.

    CrisTW: What, what's going on, whosa whatsit?

    LiberiusTW: Didn't you just answer things for the last two posts?

    CrisTW: What does that matter? I was asleep dreaming of some horrible horrible realm called 'real life'. I believe is has sucked the life out of many a writer though

    LiberiusTW: Right.... do you know what's happening in the story?

    CrisTW: Nooooo, but that hasn't ever stopped anyone from writing!

    LiberiusTW: We're doomed

    To the story at hand. In the realm of Story Arcs Past...
    Most of the characters are settled in doing what they normally do. Al Ciao has disappeared into the Background. Libeerius is trying to act mysterious... because he's already strange...er..... yeah, Cris is making more and more chikin and starting to sell it in order to pay for the fare for the Taxi. Citizen Rex is

    Citizen Rex: Silence puny narrator! Citizen Rex does what Citizen Rex wants to!

    Al Ciao: Would you stop stealing the limelight and interu

    Citizen Rex: Silence puny one! We who matter wish to talk.

    Cris: I got it!

    Everyone: WHAT?!

    Cris: We can cook chikin until we raise enough money to get the fare!

    Rachel: Smacks Cris over the head with a frying pan. Shut up Cris, you're already doing that.

    Cris: rubbing his head. Ow, that hurt. Oh, no, there was that other thought, the one I got like two posts ago.

    Liberius: Well what is it?

    Cris: Through the mighty power of chikin we shall
    Smacked with frying pan again

    Cris: Ow, again. Right, no chikin references, got it. Anyway, how do characters usually get an impossible task that no one has ever managed to do before done?

    Losien:perking up. Well in the NeS geb always storywielded and ran away

    Geb: Now, now let's not point fingers about what characters do what.

    Citizen Rex: I overwhelm everything in my path!

    Cris: Yes, yes yes, you're both right. But I was talking in good stories, with amazingly good writing that somehow manage to spawn multi million, or billion movie franchises!

    Silence.
    then

    Cricket 7: chirp. chirp.

    Cris: Haven't you ever read Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, anything dealing with Dungeons and Dragons?

    Silence
    then

    Cricket 7: Chirp

    Cris: Cricket would you shut up? No, they all have the main characters going on long involved quests for things.

    Geb: Like Zelda!

    Cris: Yes.... like Zelda.

    Geb: And Mario!

    Cris just shakes his head. Geb starts listing off the many and varied video games he has played. Losien starts thinking and

    Losien: That's a GREAT idea! Umm how do we start one?

    The characters are yet again STILL in the same place as they were at the beginning of the post! You would think we would move them by now, but no, we will instead struggle to find the next part of the story first! But now they have an idea! Will they act upon it? Will they sit and twiddle their thumbs? Will they ever gain relevance again?! Find out next time on The Never Ending Story!

  30. #1230
    Meanwhile (NeS count: as many as there are inside jokes), in the uninspired lair of presumed evilness, the ridiculously powerful and procrastinating wizard, JM, continues to loaf around, generally not doing anything terribly worthy of a main antagonist.

    JM: Hey, I'm not procrastinating! I'm plotting! I'm just waiting for inspiration to dawn on me with a truly insidious weapon of mass narrative destruction!

    So you're watching commercials to do that then.

    JM: Don't judge! There's bound to be something of use on this Communist Broadcasting Station!

    CBS TV ad: Act now, comrades, and get a second order of RobertCop free when you order one! But only if you need it, WHICH YOU DO! Fight the injustices of capitalism -- BUY NOW!

    JM: You're tearing me apart, CBS! How am I supposed to work with hypocritical broken aesops and cashing in on barely-disguised pirating? Those things have no hope of combating the originality prevelant in the past and present NeS, characters the likes of Mimiru, Galvatron, Kyle Katarn 7, JediKirby, Thrawn-whatever-his-numbers-are... Perhaps I should turn to the internet.

    JM's computer: NARUTO/SASUKE/SPOCK ROMANCE FANFICTION! RULE 34! MUST GO DERPER WITH A MEME INSIDE AN INSIDE JOKE INSIDE A MEME LOLCATS!

    JM: Who replaced all my porn bookmarks with this? My non-Naruto-hentai-related-totally-threesomes-of-a-cool-kind bookmarks? Man, at this rate, I'm never going to be inspired enough to take down the gratuitous copyrighted characters, poorly-forced romances between Mary Sues and main characters, and inside jokes that the Never-ending Story thread doesn't have at all! WAIT A MINUTE!

    JM bolts upright, his hand striking a "Eureka!" pose.

    JM: Maybe I can use funny cats...

    -----------------------------------------------------

    Back in the Land of Story-Arcs Past, Gebohq bolts upright, his hand striking a "Eureka!" pose.

    Gebohq: I've got it! I know what quest we could go on! We just need to--

    [THIS CONTENT HAS BEEN CENSORED.]

    Gebohq: Hmm... communication may be a bit of a [CENSORED].

  31. #1231
    ================================================== ====

    LiberiustW: Wait... let me get this straight... in a nutshell the heros are still in the same place they have been in for half of the page so far, and in the last four posts or so nothing has really happened... At all... Except for them trying to leave and going right back to the same spot?

    AltW: Yup. That pretty much sums it up.

    LiberiustW: Why?

    GebtW: I'm assuming a dryspell of ideas about a new direction.

    CristW: I had a good idea for a new direction.

    GebtW: Adventuretime in the NeS? Oh, please.

    LiberiustW: Why not? It works. Gives everyone something to do for a change.

    GebtW: And how are they going to do that, hmmm? The character seem to be stuck.

    AltW: Yeah, but... it is the NeS. Plotholes, and inconsistantcies are everywhere. We just haven't writen a way out yet.

    CristW: I had a way out.

    GebtW: Oh, no one is listening to you so just zip it.

    GebtW storms out of the small conference that the writers were having and sits back at his messy desk. He picks up his pirated Nintendo 3DS he recently ordered off of the black market ebay and starts playing, completely oblivious to everyone else.

    LiberiustW: I swear, we don't get paid enough for this.

    CristW: You get paid?

    LiberiustW: ... No, not really. But I got a nifty Duck/Rabbit badge so I guess I should do something considering someone somewhere thought I earned it.

    CristW: I wish I had a cool badge...

    ================================================== ===

    Back in the Land of Story Arcs Past, out brave heros are back to sitting around a table and sipping on mediocre tea & coffee and 'debating' on their next course of action.

    CM: Ok, so everyone is in agreement that we should do an item quest, right?

    A couple members of the group give a very positive response while most of the others grumble and murmer half hearted agreements mainly to avoid any continued arguement on the subject. Citizen Rex just sits with his arms crossed trying to look like a bored action hero.

    Losien: And everyone feels that I should learn to wield the story?

    A similar response comes from the crowd again, only this time CRex voices his agreement and Geb sits silently.

    Rachel: Did we ever figure out who the real bad guy of the story is right now? I mean... who are we going to try to stop after this whole item quest thing is done?

    Mimiru: I don't think we ever did. Liberius, you mind reading us that list of current enemies again?

    Liberius lets out an exagerated sigh as he reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out his fountain pen & scratch pad for what seemed like the hundredth time. He flipped through a couple pages til he found the one in question. Clearing his throat and setting down his pipe, he read out loud.

    Liberius: Alright, so... Most everyone agreed that JM and Evil Geb have to be stopped. The Narrator pointed out that we couldn't leave out The Censor...

    Narrator: Was that a pun?

    Liberius: No... Moving on... Geb briefly mentioned that Lucifer was still kind of someone we should watch out for. Ummm... Al Ciao reminded us that upon completion of our task or maybe some time before it, Citizen Rex would more than likely revert back to the Highemp and then he'ld be another problem for us.

    Citizen Rex: I'm a hero now. I would never do that.

    Liberius: Yeah... right... Again, moving on. Where'ld I leave off?

    CM: Don't forget about...

    Liberius: I haven't, I just keep getting interupted. That was actually the next thing on the list. Cool Matty warned us about a mysterious boy named Geronimo that showed up and mentioned being sent to kill him. And... an even more mysterious and yet unseen person named GUNTHER who sent him. So including JM, Evil Geb, GUNTHER, Geronimo, The Censor, Lucifer, & Highemp... The count of bad guys that need to be stopped is seven.

    Al: That seems like a lot.

    Cris: Does anyone else get the feeling we should round up or add a yet unannounced villan to the list for good measure? After all, when things start to get going, you never know what new elements are going to pop up.

    Again the group muttered in half hearted agreement. Frustrated, Liberious adds 'As of Yet Unknow Baddie' to the list.

    Liberius: Ok. Now we have eight. Is everyone happy?

    Geb: I don't like it.

    Liberius: Oh, come on! What's wrong now besides the fact that the bad guys, who as of right now are more powerful than all of us combined, are starting to out number us?

    Geb: Eights not a prime number.

    Mimiru: Does it really matter?

    Geb: It just doesn't feel right unless it's a prime number. You know what I mean?

    Citizen Rex: No.

    Geb: Eight doesn't seem so... bad... Like, it doesn't seem to make a story if you can devide it by anything. Unless it's a prime number it just doesn't seem right. I think we should assume that the total number of bad guys is the next prime number. At least.

    Liberius: That would mean three more unknowns for a grand total of eleven. That's a bit much.

    Geb: Feels more right to me.

    Citizen Rex: Really? And why would what you 'feel' is right even matter?

    Cris: Geb and Losien can wield the story. They have a greater sense about what the story can do than any of us, maybe with the exception of a Writer, but that's besides the point.

    All of them wait in silence for a moment as they thought about it. With a sigh, Liberius finally relented.

    Liberius: I hate to admit it but I agree. You feel eleven is a good number Geb?

    Geb: Yes.

    Liberius: What about you Losien?

    Losien: I don't quite understand it yet, but yes. I think eleven is a good number.

    Liberius: Anyone want to disagree?

    Everyone remained silent.

    Liberius: Ok, no arguements, so... eleven it is.

    Citizen Rex: With that many people against us, might I suggest that Losien mastering her powers as quickly as possible be our first step?

    Cris: As official unofficial mentor figure, I think it would be a wise move.

    CM: Any ideas what the best way to train her is?

    Liberius: That... is an easy one. And it gives me an idea that, I think, almost all of us can agree on.

    Rachel: Instead of telling us you have an idea, why not just tell us your idea? Idiot.

    Liberius: Right... Well, the best way to go about a long course of training in a short amount of time, is a montage. It eliminates the rediculous ammount of time necissary that it usually takes, and allows the freedom of lack of decription so as to fit in the world of the NeS. But that's just the first part of my idea.

    Rachel: Do I need to restate my position of you telling us you have an idea instead of just telling us your idea again?

    Rachel glares at Liberius who returns with his own narrow eyed glance.

    Liberius: Perhaps a little lack of interrupting me would help. Anyways, her training montage is only the first part of a three pronged plan. Instead of all of us working on every single task in order at the same time, we split up and take on the three most pressing concerns in parties of three. In short, three go to train, three go on the item quest, and, since we now figure we have eleven enemies, most of which we have limited to no knowledge of... three of us hunt down and gather whatever information they can on them while the other parties work on their tasks.

    Citizen Rex: Did you just suggest that three of us go out and actually try to hunt down our enemies?

    Liberius: No. Just information. On the list we have five that we actually know something about: Lucifer, JM, Evil Geb, The Censor, and Highemp... no offence intended Rex. That leaves the four villians we have absolutely no knowledge of, Geronimo, and GUNTHER. The last two we have almost no info on. My suggetion was that three of us get as much info on the ones we don't know as they could. Probably best to start with the last two.

    Citizen Rex: And who would you suggest to go on that crazy mission?

    Losien: Geb and I are out since we'ld be training, I know that.

    Liberius: I figured it would be best to have the three strongest ones, pretty much the only ones left with any powers since they might have to defend themselves. That would be CM, Mimiru, and of course, you, Citizen Rex.

    Citizen Rex: Hmmm... The danger of it all appeals to my powerplaying interests... I agree to it.

    Mimiru: I hate that it's so risky, but in all fairness, it is a reasonable idea. We'll do it.

    CM: We will?

    Mimiru: YES, we WILL.

    CM: Yes, ma'am.

    Al Ciao: And what about the rest of us? Who goes to what party? There are four left...

    Rachel: I think I know. Cris, right? He's the official unofficial mentor. So he's probably the best choice to go with Geb & Losien.

    Liberius: Yes... that was what I was thinking too. Which leave the three of us, Rachel, Al, and me to go on the item quest.

    Al Ciao: But we don't even know what items to look for!

    Cris: It's a basic adventure quest. They're all pretty genaric. I think you three could figure it out. All I know is one item is definately a sword.

    Mimiru: Don't forget a shield.

    CM: There should be a key in there somewhere.

    Citizen Rex: A strong suit of armor with strange powers... can't forget one of those.

    Liberius: I got it, I got it... Had a few ideas myself. Somekind of book of knowledge to help us, too. I've already writen your ideas and a couple more down.

    He patted his notepad in his pocket smiling.

    Geb: Alright... Now how do we go about doing all this, hmmm? We're still stuck here in the Land of Story Arcs Past.

    Liberius smiled a little wider, obviously having yet another plan.

    Liberius: I thought about that while we were arguing too. Try to remember, how did we all get here, eh?

    Rachel: I came with Evil Geb through a plothole he made.

    Liberius: Right. And regular Geb has the same power to wield a story too. He can make one to get his group out of here. It'ld kind of also be like his first lesson to Losien.

    CM: We teleported in.

    Citizen Rex: So I'm guessing they just do the same to get out only this time they take me, right?

    Liberius: Yes. And as for the Item Quest party, we'll just take the Interdimentional Taxi.

    Rachel: But he's going to charge us a fare and we can't pay it.

    Liberius: Yeah, well... I'm kind of sick of sitting around here doing nothing but drinking coffee. Ummm... Maybe not so sick of the drinking coffee but I'm getting tired of the story going nowhere. I'm going to make him take us. Is everyone ready? Everyone know what to do?

    Chris: Not really but at least we finally have some direction and plotline to follow.

    Liberius: Good. Let's move out.

    With those words the heros get up and move into their respective groups. CM, Mimiru, and Citizen Rex join hands and after a quick nod from Mimiru, they disappear in a localised flame that disolves just as fast. Chris, Geb, & Losien walk over to the door of the cafe. Cris a few steps behind Geb & his sister who were talking quickly and quietly to eachother. After Geb explained something to her that no one else could hear, she put her hand on the door and concentrated hard. After a moment, she opens the door to reveal, instead of a London street, a swirling portal that the three of them stepped into with Cris closing the door quietly behind them. Shortly after, Liberius, Al Ciao, & Rachel open the door and step onto the now-there street. Calmly, Liberius took the wistle from his waistcoat pocket, put it to his lips, and gave it a hearty blow.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  32. #1232
    Liberius, Al Ciao, & Rachel stand unamazed as the Interdimentional Taxi comes to a screetching halt just feet from them.

    Al: It is just me or was everyone else as unimpressed with that dramatic entrance as me?

    Rachel: I've seen so much crap in the NeS it's kind of hard to grab my attention anymore.

    Liberius: Eh... I'm already used to it.

    They open the cab up and get inside. The Driver turns around to look at Rachel & Al in the back with a questioning look, then turns to look at Liberius in the passenger seat. The Driver nods to the pair in the back.

    Driver: So they come up with the fare then?

    Liberius: Nope.

    Driver: Oh? And just where do you think they're gonna go then, huh?

    Liberius turns to the pair in the back.

    Liberius: What do you two think we should knock off first?

    Rachel: Sword.

    Al: Shield.

    Rachel: Why the sheild? If we come upon some kind of opposition, we need a weapon or something to take it down!

    Al: Or... we could just use the shield to protect us. If there is something keeping us from getting the sword, how are we going to get past it, eh?

    Liberius: Both good points. Hmmm...

    He takes out his notepad and looks over his list of possible items to search for first. Finally, he stops on one that might be of use.

    Liberius: Hey, uh... Driver? You wouldn't happen to know about any sort of unique & mysterious ring that happens to bestow on the wearer some kind of arcane knowledge, bring out hidden abilities, create an inpenetrable defensive barrier, and/or give any magical powers such as, but not limited to, control over the elements, weather, and/or time? Or something along those lines anyway...

    The Driver leaned his head back and scratched his scruffy chin in thought for a few moments.

    Driver: Hmmm... Not to familliar with occult artifacts or magic or anything... can't say anything for certain... but I heard a story once. Sounds to me like you're talking about the Writer's Ring of Infinite Story Knowledge. Heard it's quite powerful.

    Al: What does it do? Shoot fire? Turn the wearer invisible?

    Rachel: It's a ring of knowledge you idiot. Probably give the wearer some kind of mental power. Something like telepathy or mind control or something. Am I right?

    Driver: Nope. Nothing of the sort.

    Liberius: Then what does it do?

    Driver: From what I heard it allows the person wearing it to openly break the 'Fourth Wall' without any consequences whatsoever, whatever that means. Don't really know too much about that either. I've never heard of it.

    Rachel: 'The Fourth Wall'? What's that?

    Al: I don't know but it doesn't sound very good.

    Liberius: Hmmm... I've heard of it, just can't quite put my finger on where or what though. Anything else it can do?

    Driver: Don't really know. Except it's a Writer's ring. Hence why it's in the title.

    Al: Writer... as in... perhaps... story wielding powers?

    Driver: Heck no. Only the main characters have that kind of power. It's more like forbidden story knowledge. Almost like what the Narrator has except you can't actually change the story. Steer maybe. See where it's going, sure, but you can't alter it except for what you can do with your actions normally.

    Rachel: Sounds kind of sketchy... what sort of... 'obstacles' would keep us from getting to it? Any sort of dangerous creatures that we might need, say, a powerful legendary sword for?

    She glanced over to Al with a triumphant look on her face.

    Driver: Sorry, dollface. It's like you said, it's a ring of knowledge. You have to face a couple of trials of wits. Pretty smart ones too. Never heard anything about any mythological creatures except for the one in the underworld dungeon leading to this one sword I heard of once.

    Al Ciao mouthed "I told you so" & stuck his tounge out at Rachel.

    Liberius: Then it's settled. We'll go get the ring first. Take us to, um, where ever that thing is.

    Driver: Oh, you don't want to go there, boss. That's in the middle of an endless frozen desert. Snow & ice everywhere. Not very scenic if you get my drift.

    Rachel: Did you not hear the man? Take us there. Now!

    Driver: Don't you get lippy with me, I'm not taking the two of you anywhere. Him, sure, but you two still need to pay.

    Liberius: Oh, no they don't. You're going to take the three of us to the freezing cold wasteland where that ring is and we are all going to have a nice little trip.

    Al: Somehow nice doesn't come to mind when I thing of 'Frozen Desert'.

    Driver: Hey, I got a fare that needs payin if I'm gonna take...

    Liberius took out his fountain pen from his pocket and held it up right infront of the Driver's face.

    Liberius: Unless you want me to use this pen in ways that it wasn't meant to be used, and in ways you can't even imagine, you are going to take us there. Right. Now.

    Driver: Oh really? How?

    Liberius: I'ld love nothing better to decribe it to you but I can't. The Censor wouldn't even let me get the first sentence out. All you need to know is that last time it happened, half a post disappeared from him editing it out.

    The Driver looked hard at the pen and weighed his options. Then he turned to the wheel and put the taxi in gear.

    Driver: You're the boss, boss.

    The Interdimentional Taxi took off and (for the sake of sparing readers from a failed attempt at a dramatic exit/entrance that would ultimately fail from said readers becoming desensitized from such suspenseful writing) arrived at there destination fairly sooner than expected.

    ================================================== ==

    Driver: Here we are. Everyone out.

    The passengers exited the taxi and surveyed the area. Yup... it was a frozen wasteland alright. Ice, snow, white & blue everywhere. Doesn't really get any more bleek than this.

    Al: It's cold.

    Rachel: Get used to it.

    Liberius: Which way to the ring, Driver?

    The Driver pointed over the shoulders of the trio. They turned to look at yet more nondescript ice & snow.

    Driver: About five miles that way you're going to come to the frozen gates of a temple of ice. Make a left from there and when you see a onimous cave mouth straight ahead, make a right. You'll pass an Ice Giant, he's cool, just don't stop to play poker with him because that ******* cheats like a fiend, trust me. Anyway, you'll see Frank, that's his name by the way... You'll see Frank and your destination is about another mile straight ahead. If he stops you just ask him where the Well of Knowledge is. Well... either that or you could ask him where the Realm of Tomented Souls Filled with Regret is. It's the same damn place but people call it by two different names round here. Trying to get more tourism I guess.

    Rachel: You couldn't get us any closer?

    Driver: Sorry, babe. Tires got no traction up here. Oh, yeah... one more thing I almost forgot to tell ya, boss.

    Liberius: What's that?

    Driver: That ring. It's a Writer's ring.

    Al: I thought we already covered that.

    Driver: What I mean is only a Writer can wear it. Anyways, you folks have a wonderful journey. I'm heading off. If you need me, just blow the whistle. But I can't get any closer than this right now so you got to come right back here for me to pick you up. Have fun!

    Then the Taxi took off and left the trio alone in the snow.

    Rachel: Seems kind of pointless now. We should do something else.

    Liberius: We're already out here, and we do need that ring. It IS and item quest after all. It's not going to get any easier than this point on. Not for anyone.

    Al: But you heard him. Only a Writer can wear the ring! What kind of use do you think we're going to get from it?

    Liberius: I don't know, but we'll figure something out. We'll keep warm if we keep moving so let's go.

    And with that, the party questing for items headed off on the course the Driver told them. Sticking close to eachother for heat, they braved to cold; leaving footprints in the snow behind them which were quickly covered again and forgotten on the harsh landscape.

    ==================================================

    Back in a series of cuts, slow fades, action sequences, lots of scenes of Losien falling down dejectedly, & images of Cris & Geb speaking determinedly to Losien, the Training Party was doing there Montage thing...

    ==================================================

    Deep in the center of South America, Citizen Rex, Mimiru, and Cool Matty stand heroicly on the edge of a clif looking down on a small poverty stricken village below.

    CM: You know, Paraguay is a lot nicer this time of year than I thought.

    Citizen Rex: This is true. Remind me again, however, just why we are in the middle of Paraguay looking like badasses on this cliff?

    Mimiru: The boy that threatened the life of my husband was from here. If we want to figure anything out about him, this would be the reasonable place to start.

    Citizen Rex: Oh, right. That Geronimo kid. Think that GUNTHER is here too?

    CM: I have no idea. We need to stay focused though. We don't know who is here after all. It could be nobody, but it could be someone trying to kill us.

    Mimiru: Are we sure this is the village?

    CM: No. But given the way things are, start at the center, the very deepest & dangerous part of the country, then work your way out. If it was on the border it'ld just be too easy. And nothing about this whole situation looks easy.

    Citizen Rex: Well... We aren't going to get much done up here on this ridge. What say you to us heading down there and trying to help our friends out. Saving our own buts in the process. Hm?

    Mimiru: Let's do this.

    The three walked single file down a narrow ledge off to the side of the cliff. It snaked as it hugged close to the rock face and worked its way to the valley bottom at a very slow downward grade. The sun was at it's peak in the sky casting shadows directly underfoot. Soon, as the sun started to set, the sun would face the side of the rock, casting there large shadows on the face of the cliff and announcing their presence to the villagers below. Whether friend or foe, they would know the three were coming.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  33. #1233
    During the story-wielding training montage for Losien with Gebohq and Cris B., something happened. Perhaps it was the act of teaching Losien how to wield the story, perhaps he indirectly learned something new from the mentoring Cris B. provided to Losien, or perhaps it was just dumb luck, but during the training, Gebohq's own power transformed into something greater...

    ---------------------------

    Outside the Never-ending Story, where its writers write the story, CoolMatty the Writer approaches Gebohq the Writer.

    CM the Writer: Hey, Geb, this office is getting a lot more unwanted solicitors as of late--

    Geb the Writer: I'm doing what I can, but I can only act as moderator and editor so much!

    CM the Writer: I know. If you let me finish, I was about to tell you that, as the head of Massassi, I'm appointing you as an administrator now. It means you won't have as much time to personally lead this office and the Never-ending Story, you'll have to do a lot of tedious pencil-pushing work in the other Massassi offices, approve of what gets published...

    Geb the Writer: SEE YOU ALL LATER, CHUMPS!

    Geb the writer grabs a bunch of things off his desk and bolts out of the office. Liberius the Writer peers around.

    Liberius the Writer: Did I hear that right? Is he really leaving?

    CM the Writer: Did Kirk really become much like an admiral and leave the Enterprise when he was promoted from captain?

    Liberius the Writer: Didn't he get demoted back to captain later on anyway?

    CM the Writer: That point aside, let's just say the only reason Geb got promoted is because I got tired of cleaning up this place of the spam it gets. I wouldn't hold your breath on things changing much around here.

    Liberius the Writer: Ah.

    ------------------------------------------------

    Back in the world of the Never-ending Story, our training montage finishes, Gebohq standing triumphantly.

    Gebohq: That was great! I feel I could take on anything now! Let's hit the slopes!

    Cris B.: You idiot, we were trying to train Losien in this montage, and we somehow ended up training YOU! We have to start all over again!

    Gebohq: Uh, whoops? Well, this means you'll get all the better training now, sis!

    Losien: OK, but can my montage not involve 80's music playing this time?

    Cris B.: No.

    Losien: Aw...

    --------------------------------------------

    Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location, Evil Geb laughs maniacally.

    Evil Geb: Mwahahahaha! With these new powers I now have, I'll be unstoppable!

    Are you telling me you conviniently gained the same experience Gebohq just did?

    Evil Geb: Of course! I'm his evil doppleganger, after all!

    Like you weren't already annoying enough.

    Evil Geb: I resemble that remark!
    Last edited by Gebohq; 03-11-2011 at 03:44 AM.

  34. #1234

    The Never ending Story ThreadČ

    Raij and Mia moved as one. Its eyes were her eyes. Each foot fall her own. As she walked into the hanger where the mechs where being stored she settled back into its resting position. A few people stood around to see who would climb out the large heavy duty machine. Slowly the back slide open before any way for the person to get down had even got near it.Leaping from the back, and sliding down one of the large cannons, Mia appeared with a cry of YEEHA To say it took a lot of people by surprise would be an understatement as the young woman skidded across the ground, tumbled into a roll and ended up sprawled across the ground face down. Quickly she leapt to her feet, a grin still set firmly on her face.“That. Was. AWSOME” She cried looking around, “Which way to this things registry?”A man slowly raised a hand to point in the direction that people taking part in the exercises had gone before.“Thank you” She called behind her, as she sped off down the hanger.Registration left the lady on the reception as confused as the others, the way she’d signed in was unusual to be sure, with her ending up drawing a line across the desk with her enthusiasm. Reluctantly they let her through to where the other pilots had gone. Last thing the woman heard was, “FREE FOOD They have BURGERS” coming from the canteen.

  35. #1235
    Virgin Fleet Admiral
    Posts
    1,326
    Before Mia can get the free burgers, however, alarms start blaring throughout the mech-pilot complex.

    Loudspeaker: All pilots to their mechs immediately! Intruders approaching our complex! Repeat, all pilots to their mechs immediately...

    Mia: Aw, crud.

    She swipes a handful of burgers - she has large manly hands, so can hold four in one meaty paw - and dashes to her mech, stuffing her face and gulping down. Climbing into her mech, she flicks various switches, and the mech, nicknamed Raij, comes to life.

    Raij: Hello, Michael.

    Mia: For the last time, my name is MIA! Why did I have to get the mech that's repurposed from the KnightCar?

    Raij: Because you dumped Control, Michael, so he got mad at you and foisted me on you as revenge.

    Mia: ...friggin' literal mech...

    A voice chimes into her headset.

    Control: Red Battalion, check in.

    Mia: Red One, here.

    Nine other voices check in, Reds 2-10.

    Control: Alright, Reds, here's the sitch. We have three unknown humanoids approaching our secret base across the frozen plains. Red One, I want you to investigate. Two through Ten, be ready to back her up as needed.

    Mia: Roger.

    Outside the secret mech base, Liberius, Al Ciao, and Rachel are trekking across the snow.

    Al: Maybe we should have asked Frank for directions, after all...

    Liberius: Nonsense! We'll find our way just fine!

    Rachel: Men! Never stopping to ask directions...

    Liberius: Wait! I see something up ahead!

    A hulking form clumps through the snow towards them. Al trembles as he watches it approach.

    Al: You know, Geb was just telling me about this movie he saw about an Antarctic Thing...

    Rachel grins mischievously. She sneaks up behind Al, then roars into his ear. Al lets out a tremendous scream and tears off into the distance.

    Liberius: Scaring away our allies isn't very conducive to our mission.

    Rachel: Eh, he'll be back.

    The hulking form is revealed as a mech as it nears them. Mia's voice crackles out to them from within.

    Mia: Attention, unknown humanoids, you are trespassing on private property. What are your intentions?

    Liberius: Er, we're looking for the Writer's Ring of Infinite Story Knowledge. We were told it's somewhere in this frozen wasteland.

    Mia: Are you sure you don't want the Ring of Ultimate Writing Power?

    Liberius: Er, should we want that?

    Mia: Well, it was first introduced by MZZT the Writer way back in the original NeS, and Al Ciao The Writer retconned it as an ancient Atlantean artifact a few pages back. Basically, it confers limited omnipotence on the wielder.

    Rachel: That does sound nifty. We do want that.

    Mia: Smart of you. Of course, it's been lost to history for thousands of years.

    Liberius: *dejected* Oh.

    Mia: But if you're willing to settle for the Writer's Ring of Infinite Story Knowledge, I can help you!

    Liberius: *brightening* Sure! Do you know where it is?

    Mia: Yep. I own it.

    Rachel: You do?

    Mia: Sure thing. I collected enough cereal box tops that I was able to send out for it, and it arrived shortly after that.

    Rachel: Really. From box tops?

    Mia: Yeah.

    Rachel: *glaring at Liberius* So wouldn't it have been easier for us just to collect our own box tops?

    Mia: Probably so.

    Liberius: *studiously ignoring Rachel's glare* So will you give it to us?

    Mia: Sure, I don't need it. I thought it was supposed to be a decoder ring, but it's not, so I don't want it. BUT, I'll give it to you on one condition.

    Rachel: What's that?

    Mia: Arnie - who is Control here in charge of coordinating the base - is a class A jerk. Keeps giving me crap assignments after I dumped him. I want you to pretend that you're hostile invaders out to assassinate him. Give him a good scare, and I'll give you the ring.

    Rachel: What? The three of us against ten advanced mechs?

    Mia: Is that a problem?

    Rachel: No, just making sure the odds are heavily weighed against us. Given story conventions, we're sure to win!

    Liberius: Er, shouldn't we wait for Al?

    At that momoment, Al comes running out of the snow from the opposite direction that he'd run in.

    Al: *huffing* Whew! Finally got away. Hey, how'd you guys get here?

    Rachel: You ran in a circle.

    Al: Okay, so what did I miss?

    Liberius: We're invading this highly advanced base.

    Al: Permission to run off screaming again?

    Liberius: Denied.

    Al: Crap.

    -----

    Citizen Rex, Cool Matty, and Mimiru stride confidently into the Paraguayan village. Cool Matty amuses himself by flicking tiny fireballs at various chickens, giving them hotfoot.

    Mimiru: I suppose we should ask around for information on Geronimo and GUNTHER...

    Citizen Rex: Nonsense. I shall not stoop to the drudgery of door-to-door espionage. Were I still in the fullness of my powerplaying, I could summon the knowledge out of the aethers. As it is...

    He sucks in a deep breath. When he speaks next, the volume of his voice is greatly enhanced. Cool Matty and Mimiru clap their hands over their ears.

    Citizen Rex: Attention, peasants, we seek the ones known as Geronimo and GUNTHER. Anyone with information should come see me immediately.

    There is silence for a moment.

    Mimiru: I think you just scared them all away.

    Citizen Rex: Hmph. Well, I'll just have to do the equivalent of a Jedi mind trick on the whole village at once.

    Cool Matty: "You WILL tell us where Geronimo and GUNTHER are"?

    Citizen Rex: Basically, yes.

    Cool Matty: On the whole village at once?

    Citizen Rex: That is correct.

    Cool Matty: Doesn't power on that scale count as powerplaying?

    Citizen Rex: Probably so- Oh.

    Cool Matty: Can't powerplay at the moment, can ya?

    Citizen Rex: Evil Geb shall pay!

    Cool Matty: Right. But first, let's find info on Geronimo and GUNTHER. How about I torch huts until they give 'em up?

    Mimiru sighs.

    Mimiru: Men. Let's order a pizza.

    She flips open her cell phone, and dials.

    Cool Matty: Seriously? And you give me a hard time about my appetite.

    Mimiru: No, idiot, they'll have to deliver it to us by way of Geronimo...

    Citizen Rex: Brilliant! So glad I thought of it.

    Mimiru: You didn't think of it.

    Citizen Rex: But obviously, my charismatic presence inspired you!

    Mimiru: Nope.

    Citizen Rex: I have GOT to get my powerplaying mantle back from Evil Geb...

    -----

    Cris, Losien, and Geb are re-doing their montage - complete with 80's music - in an attempt to train Losien.

    Geb: Alright, that did it! Are you trained now, Losien?

    Cris: Nope. I am.

    Geb: Really? You can storywield now?

    Cris uses his finger to puncture a miniature plot-hole into the fabric of the story-reality, and pulls a leg of chikin out of it.

    Cris: Oyah. Rotating restaurant on top of Big Ben, here I come!

    Losien: Wait, what about me?

    Geb: She's right, Cris. We can't leave until Losien's trained.

    Cris: Fine, fine.

    Another montage ensues.

    Cris: Okay, you've got it now, right?

    Geb: Nope, the bunny rabbit that Losien adopted during a break got it.

    Cris: A story-wielding rabbit? Now we're in trouble.

    The bunny waggles his ears, and a pile of carrots covers our heroes.

  36. #1236
    Mimiru dials for pizza.

    Mimiru: Hi! Yes, I'd like a cheese--

    CM: Cheese? Oh come on, at least get something on it!

    Mimiru *hand covering the mic*: Will you shut up? The pizza isn't important!

    Citizen Rex: Yes, CM, it's not about the pizza. Mimiru, order some cheesy bread.

    Mimiru facepalms, and continues her order as she started.

    Mimiru: Wait, what? I can't understand you. Do you speak English? Habla espańol? Seriously? Can anyone else speak English there? Oh for the love of...

    Mimiru presses the hang up button as hard as she can, missing the days of being able to slam the phone on the cradle.

    CM: I thought you spoke a bunch of languages, Mimiru.

    Mimiru: I do, but only major ones. I don't off the wall stuff like Guarani!

    CM: Guarani?

    Mimiru: It's one of the official languages of Paraguay, it's spoken by most of the people. Still, with Spanish being the other, you'd think someone in that pizza parlor would understand it.

    Citizen Rex: Perhaps Geronimo does not wish to see us...

    Mimiru: Or GUNTHER got to him. Looks like old school espionage will be the answer today.

    CM: Yay, more fire!

    Mimiru: No CM, not more fire, espio--

    Mimiru is interrupted by a straw hut exploding in flames, and wild animals scurry away from the sudden blast.

    Citizen Rex: How come he's allowed to power play but I'm not?

    Mimiru: Don't you start.

  37. #1237
    ================================================== ===

    Meanwhile, back in the montage, Losien continues her training as ChrisB and Geb work to try and contain the rabbit, goat, mountain lion, toad, random passerby & , strangely enough, a rather large Oak tree nearby that happened to learn to story-wield during the last segment.

    Losien: I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.

    She flicks her wrist & her hand waves in a grand, over embellished gesture which manages only to turn the shaggy looking yorkshire terrier that the passerby was walking into a talking dog. The dog then wagged its mangy tail and made a raw steak on a fine china plate appear before it. The dog spoke to her in a surprisingly baritone voice.

    Dog: Thanks, doll. I've been trying to tell this guy I wanted one all day and he just stares at me.

    Dog owner/now story wielder: Did you people give him that? Because that is definately not part of his strick diet.

    Dog: No you idiot, I did it. That cardboard you feed me tastes like... well... like cardboard.

    Geb: Don't tell me that his dog can use the story now too.

    Chris: Yuppers. That seems to be your sister's speciality.

    Dog: And don't call me his dog.

    Losien: If your not his dog then why are you on his leash?

    Person holding the leash/story wielder: Oh, he was just a stray I took in. He looked so cute and homely I just had to.

    Chris: Do the words 'cute' & 'homely' even go together?

    Dog: No. He screws that stuff up all the time. Like the fact that I'm not even a stray. I ran away from my owner.

    Geb: That is one very loyal companion you have there.

    Dog: Mainly because an evil warlock was casting a spell on him causing him to dematerialize right infront of me so I went to go find some help. Kind of hard to find someone to assist you in taking care of an evil warlock in a pinch, smartass.

    Geb: Oh...

    Dog: Yeah. When I came back he was gone. I would assume that the warlock succeeded, wouldn't you?

    Chris: Well, it's been a pleasure chit chatting but we have to get back to our montage now.

    Dog: Fine by me. I have some business to attend to anyway.

    Geb: Don't forget to pick up after him. The police are kind of finicky about that kind of thing.

    Dog: What? No, I already did that on your leg.

    Geb looks down to his moist pant leg.

    Geb: I just bought these! Why you pesky little shi...

    Dog: HA HA! And on that note, I am off to find my master!

    The dog grabbed the steak in his mouth and took off, yanking the leash from the man formerly walking him just before Geb leapt at him causing Geb to fall to the muddy ground on his face. Before anyone could react, the dog shook his fur in the same manner dogs do to shake off water and disappeared to somewhere else in the story to eat his steak in peace.

    Chris: Eh... could be worse. He could have done something other than pee on your leg.

    ================================================== ==

    Rachel, Al Ciao, & Liberius Vir make their way to the secret mech base across the frozen wasteland while being closely followed by what could only be described as a three story tall robotic suit of armor.

    Rachel: Any ideas on how we're supposed to pull this one off?

    Liberius: Why are you asking me?

    Rachel: I thought you're the one always coming up with ideas, however stupid.

    Liberius: Thanks for the vote of confidence.

    Over the hidden speakers on the giant mech, Mia is holding a conversation with Al whilst trying to not argue with the mech AI.

    Mia: *voice booming over the wind* You know, Al, you're kind of cute for a coward that I just watched run screaming away. It's a lot different than my last, more arrogant boyfriend.

    Al: Um, thanks?

    Mia: Not a problem. He was a real jerk. That's why we split. Yeah... Haven't really been with anyone since then. Haven't found the right kind of guy, know what I mean?

    Al: Can't say I know too much about finding the right guy, no.

    Mia: I mean, it's all frozen desert up here. Doesn't really give too many options on where to go for a date really. There's no mini golf, no movie theater to go to. Eating out isn't an option... unless you go to Frank's Snow Cone Palace. But everyone goes there. It gets old.

    Al: Huh... How well does he do? I mean, this really isn't the kind of market for snow cones. Usually a warmer climate would be more ideal.

    Mia: Yeah! I know, right? Needless to say, most guys up here just want to eat their MRE's in the mess then figure out what bunk we're going back to. It's sooo monotonous. There's no real chance to get to know eachother. No chance to connect... if you get what I'm saying. I guess that's why I'm still on the market so to speak.

    Al: MRE's in the mess, huh? With everyone else sitting around, eating right there with you. Doesn't seem very romantic at all.

    Mia: Exactly! You get it. No romance what so ever. None of the guys around here even care about that. That's why I don't even bother with them anymore and stayed single... I did tell you I'm not dating anyone right now, right, Al?

    Al: Oh, you seem very nice. I'm sure you'll find someone soon who would...

    The trio stopped as they heard the hydrolics of the mech hiss as it halted. It lowered and angled to look directly at Al Ciao. Whether intentional or not, its front mounted cannons happened to be angled with it... centered squarely on Al.

    Mia: Sorry about that. I couldn't hear you over my AI screaming at me about something with the targeting sensors. I told you I was single and what did you say after that?

    Al, not completely sure if it was a veiled threat or just coincidence, decided to make the most of Mia coming on to him. Besides, the current circumstances really didn't give him too many options.

    Al: I said... "Oh, that sounds very nice. I'm curious if one could..."

    Mia: Go on.

    Al: Well... What would you say if, maybe, I asked you out on a date?

    Mia: Hmmm... I'ld say yes. But, I only date guys who are serious and exclusive.

    Al: Exclusive?

    Mia: Yeah. The custom where I'm from is if you go out with someone, you're together. No dating anyone else.

    Al: As in, one date and it's official we're together? Like, boyfriend girlfriend together?

    Liberius: Al, just ask her out already. I think that, considering that lack of women throwing themselves at you like she is, you'll be able to stay... exclusive with no problem.

    Rachel: Harsh but true.

    Al: *sigh* As long as I don't have to meet your parents before the third date.

    Mia: No problem. They're all dead anyway.

    Al: So, um, Honeybun... Can we keep moving because I'm kind of getting cold here.

    A hatch popped open on the mech with a metal clank.

    Mia: Hop right in, Sugar. There's room for two and we have heat in here. Get those sweet buns out of the cold.

    With a quick, shy look back at Liberius & Rachel, Al questioned briefly what he should do. But then even more quickly resigned that being in a relationship had its benefits and he might as well enjoy them. He jogged over to the open hatch and enter. It clanged shut behind him followed by an moment of ackward silence. The mech, Rachel, & Liberius all stood still quietly waiting.

    Liberius: Can we get moving again now?

    Rachel: And is there any more room in the heated mech we could use?

    Mia: No, and before we continue I just want to say one more thing...

    Rachel: What now?

    The three story tall suit of robotic armor turned just a foot, which made the cannons now point at Rachel.

    Mia: Keep off my man. I'll be watching you.

    Rachel: You know... I think I can manage that. So you'll be watching a looong time.

    Mia: We'll see.

    The mech stood up and walked right past the pair standing outside in the ice & snow. Rachel shook her head and laughed then followed. Liberius took out his pen and notebook and quickly wrote down and idea he had about what they would do when they entered the base before he forgot. When he finished, he looked up again to see which direction everyone was going and ran to catch up.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  38. #1238
    ================================================== =

    Back in the world of the Writers, LiberiustW takes a break to get up and get a recap on his coffee. While pouring, CristW walks up to him.

    CristW: So what's the deal with CM and Geb? Like, is CM really running the place now?

    LiberiustW: I don't know. Doesn't really change anything either way so I guess it doesn't matter.

    CristW: True, true. By the way, you did know about the Ring of Ultimate Writing Power before you had everyone split up and went on the item quest, right?

    LiberiustW turned to look at him blankly and took a sip from his mug. Then another sip. Even though it wasn't empty, he turned back and filled his cup up again just to keep it fresh.

    LiberiustW: Yes I knew about the ring. I was here before, even if I can't remember just who yet. Also, I did go back and read what I could before I started writing.

    CristW: Why? That really wasn't required.

    LiberiustW: Oh, just to see if anything rung a bell. Either way, I didn't want to completely powerplay the story. I enjoy working with the other writers. That ring was too big... Too strong. So when CM said something in a post one time, it reminded me of something I have in another project I'm working on.

    CristW: Please, do tell.

    LiberiustW: No. It really has nothing to do with the NeS, and it's kind of a long story so it doesn't matter. I just figured I would set up the premise so either I could write it in later or another Writer could do it. This way I don't pull some kind of deus ex machina or something.

    CristW: Day-us ex mach-what?

    LiberiustW: *sigh* Basicly, I'm setting up a reference to something beforehand so this way when I, or someone else, writes about it it doesn't just come out of the blue to solve whatever problem that happens. I'm trying to avoid powerplaying by throwing in a bunch of things that can be used. Whether or not they actually are is irrelevant. The machina part of that phrase is specific of an item but I'm doing it with everything.

    CristW: You lost me.

    LiberiustW: Meaning I'm also throwing out anchors that things in the future could be tied to so it seems more relevant. Not that any of it really matters in the NeS, it's just a force of habit. Given the nature of the NeS, I'm using a bunch of stuff so no matter the direction things go, I can still use something that I've put out there before and it make sense. I don't have to use every anchor I toss in the water, but at least it'll be out there for someone to use.

    AltW walks over to the conversation to see what is going on.

    AltW: What's going on? Whatcha guys talking about, eh?

    LibtW: Just using some metaphors to describe my writing process. Also telling Chris here that none of it matters but I do it anyway.

    AltW: Why? You like to hear yourself talk a lot?

    LibtW: Nope. Just that I always have a plan for something when writing.

    CMtW comes over to join the crowd.

    CMtW: Yeah... You do know that planning and the NeS don't really go together right?

    CristW: That's what he just said but he doesn't really mind. Wait... you never told me what was up with the ring...

    LibtW filled his cup one more time and walked back to his desk. He smiled back over his shoulder to answer them as he walked.

    LibtW: In due time, my friend... in due time...

    ================================================== ====

    Rachel & Liberius stood inbetween the legs of the giant mech as it held a silent radio conversation with whoever was on the other side of the huge metal doors that loomed closed infront of them. Liberius leaned in to whisper something to Rachel.

    Liberius: So how deep do you think we are in on this?

    Rachel: I'ld say pretty deep. No telling what she's saying to whatever crew is inside.

    Lib: I'm starting to think that Al had a good idea with running away screaming.

    Rachel: Oh not you too. We do have a quest to finish you know. Running away isn't really a good plan. Better than none, which is what we have now, but still not good.

    Lib: I do have one plan at least.

    She looked at him and he smiled patting his pocket where the notebook sat. Then she widened her eyes and made a gesture for him to tell her instead of standing around. He shook his head and took out the book. Opening it to the page he wanted he then handed it to her.

    Lib: I swear. You people have no sense of theatrics. We're standing and waiting. I was just trying to add a little drama.

    Rachel scaned the page ignoring him. Finally she handed it back to him and he put it away.

    Rachel: It sucks.

    Lib: Do you have a better one?

    Rachel: No.

    Lib: Good. Then we both agree on what plan to use.

    Rachel: Yours or the one about running away? Because both are about the same.

    Lib: Oh come now. Lighten up.

    Rachel's retort was cut short however when the metal doors noisily slid open and the mech walked inside.

    Mia: Get inside. Don't even think about trying to run because we have you in our sights.

    Lib and Rachel turned to look behind them as several more mechs were making their way to the doors as well. Two of them in particular caught their attention since they were standing motionless with their guns aimed at the pair.

    Lib: Wouldn't dream of making myself a bad guest. Shall we then?

    He asked as he extended his arm in an overly polite fasion motioning Rachel forward. As the last of the mechs that were following them entered behing the pair, the doors slamed shut. The mech hanger was clearly more function than form. Tall metal bays lined most of the four walls where the mechs could dock for maintenance, rearming and the likes. Each bay well over three floors high, some with framework even to four. On the left wall, however, there was what looked like a dock office and a radio tower mixed together. The ground level of it just looked like for walls of cinderblock, no windows, and a door. On the second level the brick only came up to the waists of those inside, then it became large windows that tilted outward at the top. On the uppermost level, where the control room normally would be, was the hanger office. It was covered in one way glass with no way of telling what, or who, was inside.

    Al: Hey guys! Isn't this place awesome?!

    Lib looked away from studying the immediat area and at Al walking over to them from across the hanger. He was followed by a rather attractive, and conspicuously buxom, red headed woman. Rachel hardly noticed. Or tried not to anyway.

    Al: This place is HUGE! Mia was telling me all about it on the ride here.

    Rachel: Oh? Did a lot of talking did you? Make some 'conversation' perhaps?

    Getting a little red in the face, Al coughed nerviously as Mia joined the three.

    Al: Everyone, this is my girlfriend Mia. Mia, this is Liberius Vir & Rachel.

    Mia: The Dockmaster has ordered you to see him. He's in Control Office right now. I am to take you three straight there. No time for talk.

    Without hesitation, Mia turned the pair by the arm and walked them through a pair of side doors. Al followed unquestioningly and unforced. Rachel freed her arm to walk ahead and without having to touch her. As much as Lib didn't mind, Mia let him go and just gave him a push.

    Lib: I don't mean to pry, but...

    Mia: No talking.

    Lib: Just one question, please. That is all.

    Mia: Quickly then.

    They stopped and she turned expectantly. Lib made a strange face.

    Lib: I was hoping it would be a private one.

    Mia sent Al ahead and motioned for one of the nearby guards to keep an eye on Rachel.

    Mia: What?

    Liberius: I am sorry about the inconvenience, truely. But I couldn't help but notice that you are... well... hot.

    Mia: I'm taken. Time to move.

    Lib: Wait, just a sec. I did not mean it like that. And, that wasn't a question, just an obsevation.

    Mia: Spit it out then.

    Lib: Well... Given your... good genes, I find it hard to see how you would have a problem with finding men. Let alone, say... settle, on your boyfriend Al. So my question was... well... Why? Not that I'm complaining cause the man definately needs to find someone... but Why out of all the men I would assume are throwing themselves at you would you choose him?

    Mia: Because most of those men you're speaking of are only after those 'good genes' that you yourself noticed. Al liked me before he even saw me. When I was still in my mech. He took the time to get to know me.

    Lib: Ah, ha ha... I see. Then do you mind me asking one more as we all walk.

    She turned the two of them and they all walked up the steps. Lib, not hearing a negative reply, decided to ask it anyway.

    Lib: Sorry to bring it up again but when you said what you did it got me thinking. There were still two of us.

    Mia: What are you talking about?

    Lib: There were two of us. Guys that is. Al and myself. Neither of us had seen you so when you said it was because he had not, why exactly did you leave me out?

    Mia: Well... It's kind of obvious.

    Lib: No, not really. Wouldn't be asking if it was.

    Mia: Because you're gay.

    Lib: Um, not the last time I checked. No. Not gay.

    Mia: You sure?

    Lib: In fact, very much so, yes.

    Mia: Married?

    Lib: Nope.

    Mia: Then why are you dressed like a professor and carry a satchel?

    Lib: Ahhh... I see you're point. *sigh* No more questions.

    Mia: You sure? Because I could go on if you need me to.

    Lib: Noted. But I think I'm fine where I'm at, thank you. Like I said, I'm not going to complain because Al definately needs a woman. I was just curious, that is all.

    After climbing the last set of steps, the group came to a small platform with a door to the top most portion of the tower.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  39. #1239
    ================================================== ====

    The Search Party walks through the half burning village peaking in doors and windows only to find empty buildings everywhere. Things are getting stranger when they see that every hut and shack are devoid of any basic need of life. No food, no furniture, no anything.

    CM: Do you think we picked the right place? Maybe we should move on to the next village and see if anything is happening over there?

    Mimiru: Why, so you could burn that one to the ground as well? I don't think so.

    Citizen Rex: Is there anyone else on the list that we could start with?

    Mimiru takes a look at a short piece of paper then looks back.

    Mimiru: Not unless you want to start with 'Unknown', but to me that doesn't really seem like a solid lead.

    CM: Why is no one here?

    Voice: CUT! CUT! EVERYONE TAKE FIVE! RESET THE PYROTECHNICS AND CANCEL THE CATERER! SOMEONE GO AND ORDER PIZZA CAUSE IT'S LOOKING LIKE ANOTHER LONG DAY! STEP IT UP PEOPLE!

    The three of them stop dead in their tracks and turn to look at a nearby hill where a man in a fancy hat is stomping his way down it and towards them.

    Mimiru: This isn't what I now think it is... is it?

    CM: The Twilight Zone?

    Citizen Rex: No... I think she means the wrong country. You two teleported us to the wrong location!

    Mimiru: No you morons! This is a movie set.

    CM & Rex: Oh...

    Man: Who are you and why are you ruining my shot?! You three aren't my leads so I'm not paying you. Which is why I am curious as to WHY YOU ARE RUINING MY MOVIE!!??

    CM: You're the director?

    Director: Give the man an award, he figured it out! Who are you? Did the studio send you? I thought we already cleared this mess up! We decided an on site location was more practical and had the scope we were going for! Don't tell me that the studio changed its mind?!

    Rex: We are not with this studio that you speak of, human.

    The director raised his megaphone to his mouth and pointed it directly at Citizen Rex.

    Director: THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE KILLING MY VISION!?

    Mimiru: We are looking for child named Geronimo and some being known as GUNTHER.

    Director: Oh, him.

    He turned towards one of the workers who have appeared from behind the massive set.

    Director: SOMEONE CALL DOMINOS!

    Mimiru: So you know the boy?

    Director: Yeah, good kid. Fast delivery. No complaints except the odd death threat or two, but we always tip him good regardless.

    Rex: And of this GUNTHER? What do you know of him?

    Director: The musician or the guy Geronimo always says he was sent by to kill us?

    CM: The latter.

    Director: No clue, but let me tell ya... If you ever want to know about Gunther the musician, feel free to ask me. That guy's my hero.

    Mimiru: Do you mind if we stick around to ask this Geronimo a few questions?

    Director: Stay out of the shot and shut up when we're rolling and you can stick around all you want.

    ================================================== ==

    In the Control Office of the secret mech base, Liberius & Rachel are being berated by the Dockmaster, Arnie. About what they have no clue. Mainly because of the inarticulate swearing and squeeky voice made him too hard to understand. That and they were too busy trying to nonchalantly dodge the spittle flying from his mouth. Al on the other hand was sitting comfortably on the leather couch with his arm around Mia.

    Arnie: So I'm a bit [CENSORED............... STILL CENSORED] as to [KITTENS] sent your [PRETTY BOWS] here!?

    The speakerphone on Arnie's desk saved them from having to answer. There was a low beep and a stern male voice came on.

    Voice: Dockmaster Arnie, sir. We're picking up a small life sign outside the base. It's too small to determine what it is and it keeps jumping from sector to sector before we can even get a lock. One second it's two klicks north, then the next it's five klicks east. It looks like it could be a glitch in the system so I didn't want to raise the alarm. But we wanted to clear it with you, sir.

    Arnie walked behind his desk and hit a button on the phone to talk back.

    Arnie: Thank's for the update, Masterson. If it gets any closer than 500 meters raise it regardless if we have a lock or even know what it is. Till then, keep to the SOP...

    Masterson: Will do sir.

    Arnie: One more think Crew Chief... Scramble a mech. I want a recon out there, see if we can't get a visual. Might be our first defence if it turns out to be a hostile. Keep me informed. Dockmaster out.

    Arnie hit a different button on the phone and the line went dead. With a sigh he walked back around to the front of his desk and too a seat on the top of it. After a moment of silence he finally looked up to the assembled company.

    Arnie: I find it hard to believe that it's just coincidence that you two show up and suddenly we have a ghost in the system.

    Rachel: Us two? What about Al?

    Arnie: Who?

    Mia: My boyfriend, sir. He was originally the third party but has since been cleared.

    There was a small subtle anger filled twitch at the corner of Arnies mouth when she spoke. That turned into a grin that just showed he was plotting something.

    Arnie: Under whose authority?

    Mia: My mech Raij ran him through it's internal scans.

    Arnie: But you never cleared it with me. How do I know what his, or their, intentions are? There you go, making mistakes all over again. Just like when you dumped me. Did you not learn your lesson?

    Liberius: Excuse me... I don't mean to interject on what is obviously a personal matter, but, perhaps we can sort out the official business first? My friends and I have an aweful lot to take care of in a short time & would really like to be on our way.

    Rachel: *whispering to Lib* What are you doing? You remember the deal we made with Mia. We need that ring.

    Lib: Remember the plan?

    Rachel: Oh, we're actually going to go through with it? I thought you were just joking. There's no way that bluff will work.

    Lib: We'll see. Just follow my lead. We'll catch Al & Mia up as soon as we can.

    Arnie: I don't recall saying that you could leave. Until I know who you are and what your purpose is, only then will I decide if you can go.

    Lib: Oh, well then. That's easy enough. We're a black ops team sent by central command to find & assasinate a possible traitor in your ranks.

    Arnie: There is no central command:

    Lib: Ahhh... yes. That you know of at least. However, we still have our orders to find the leak and plug it... by any means needed.

    Arnie: Then how come I haven't heard anything about this, hmmm?

    Rachel: Did the whole 'black ops' thing slip right by you? How about the 'leak' part? We couldn't risk anyone knowing we were coming.

    Arnie: For a black ops team, you aren't very stealthy are you?

    Lib: No need. Given who our target is, the most direct route to it would be to be found and taken to him.

    Mia: Are you implying that the Dockmaster is the leak?

    Rachel: One in the same.

    Arnie: Those are serious charges. Any proof to back that up?

    Lib: We aren't looking for proof. We're aren't here to start an official investigation. We're here to find the problem, and... 'take care of it'.

    Arnie: Guards!

    A pair of large goons entered the room, checked for threats, then waited for their orders.

    Arnie: Take these three to the brig until I figure out what to do to them. If they try anything, shoot them.

    Mia: While you are at it, take the Dockmaster into custody. I hearby declare he is under official investigation until we can prove his innocence.

    Arnie: This is absurd! You have no grounds. You need at least half the crew to vouch for any immediate change in command.

    Masterson's voice came over the phone.

    Masterson: Is it true, sir?

    Arnie: What?

    Masterson: When you cut the line off earlier, you hit the button for the hanger's PA system. We've heard everything. Are you a traitor, sir?

    There was a tention in the air as all eyes moved to the Dockmaster waiting for a response. The silence gave the guards all the answer they needed. They moved in to take the Dockmaster.

    Arnie: You'll never take me alive!

    Arnie dove through the glass window and onto the metal catwalk below. He didn't even brush himself off as he broke into a sprint towards one of the docked mechs.

    Rachel: Wow... who would guess the bluff was actually part true?

    Lib: Um. I did actually.

    Rachel: Oh come on. There's no way you could have known.

    Lib: Seriously? A secret mech base in the middle of a frozen wasteland. They assume anyone coming close is hostile, even though apparently no one knows they are there. Sounds fishy to me. None the less, you read enough stories & watch enough movies and you realise most of the time the corruption goes to the very top. It makes sense.

    Rachel: No it doesn't! We could have been killed! What kind of mind thinks life plays out like hollywood!?

    Liberius: I told everyone before. I like to read and write a lot. I'm an Author. Paying attention to story details is my thing.

    Al: What just happened?

    Mia: Let me get this straight, you guys aren't part of a black ops team and you just lied in the assumption that part of it was true, making the Dockmaster think you were trying to kill him?

    Al: Well... to be honest, that is what you wanted us to do. Make him think we were going to kill him. It was part of the deal.

    Rachel: The fact that he actually was a traitor was complete luck.

    Lib: No, just an educated guess.

    Masterson's voice came back over the speakerphone.

    Masterson: Um... Ma'am? Regarless of your guests motives, they did turn out to be right. We're going to try to take care of it from here but we still have bigger fish to fry.

    Mia: Such as?

    Masterson: That sensor ghost we were getting earlier is on the move again. This time inside the base. When we opened the hanger doors to send a recon it slipped in but we didn't catch it's location until now.

    Mia: Any reports?

    Masterson: It's hard to tell. We have reports of gunfire in some of the decks on base. The system still can't get a lock. We think that the intruder or intruders have done something to the mainframe. We're losing control of some of the minor security systems. Automated turrents are down, fire control has shut off some of the sectors, and some of the mech can't connect to the Master control to boot up. Half the mech force is down. I've already put the base on lockdown and am awaiting orders, ma'am.

    Mia grabbed a chain from around her neck and took it off. She pulled up the part that hung below into the top of her shirt from out of her generous bust to reveal a gaudy ring that was attached at the end. She threw it over to Lib who caught it in one hand. Without looking, he put it in his waistcoat pocket.

    Mia: You did your end of the deal, there's mine. You two can leave. I have to take care of things here since Arnie went AWOL.

    Rachel: What about Al? He's one of us.

    Mia: He stays with me. But until this thing gets resolved and Arnie's in custody, we're in lockdown. You three can stay here or in my quarters where you're safe and out of the way. Dismissed.

    Lib took a seat next to Al while Rachel went over to one of the intact windows to look at the hanger below. Lib took out his notebook and one of his pens and handed it to Al for him to cross the ring off the list and look at the plans. Lib took out his journal and wrote something in the current log. Then he turned back to an earlier bookmarked entry and read on.

    Al: Whatcha doin?

    Liberius: I've been reading old journal entries. Trying to figure out a bit about myself before I came here. That's how I found out about me writing a lot and being an author.

    Al: Anything interesting?

    Lib: I traveled a lot, found a girl, settled down, got married, she got dead, and I went on a booze filled mourning bender. The handwriting isn't very legible during that phase so it's hard to really say what I was up to. There are some pictures here if you wanted to look at those instead.

    Al: OOOO, pictures! Yes, please.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

  40. #1240
    ================================================== ====

    Having exausted all inspirational 80's music, the folks in the montage switch to classic motown hits. Not much changes except now more people are apparently dancing in the streets.

    ================================================== ====

    Masterson pushed a button on the console infront of him causing a gate to close around one of the offline mechs in the hanger. This caused the former Dockmaster Arnie to change course and find a new exit route. Masterson went back to monitoring the sensor readings being fed to him from inside the base. In the control office, Rachel stands by the window polishing her frying pan, Al sits on the couch flipping through the pictures in Liberius's journal with the occational "Ooo, pretty" erupting out. Liberius on the otherhand is looking at a map of the area in order to plot a course back to a point where the Interdimentional Taxi can pick them up and take them to the next item on the Item Quest list.

    Mia: Security to the hanger bay. I want it on lock down before Arnie can find a way out. All personal with medical training report to sick bay immediately. Off duty personal are encouraged to stay in their quarters and secure the doors or find refuge in the mess hall. All those on active duty are to stay alert and follow breach protocol 'Theta'. We have an unknown number of unidentified intruders in the base. Any gathered intel on the enemy that could help out, report it to you CO as soon as possible.

    Lib: Rachel, can you come over here a second?

    Mia sat at the chair behind the desk absentmindedly playing with one of the stress balls that Arnie had in the drawers. Rachel walked over to Liberius to see what he wanted.

    Rachel: A map? Where are we at on here?

    Lib points to a spot just below and to the left of the center. Rachel nodded then pointed to a spot in the upper right part of the map that was circled in red ink.

    Rachel: What's that?

    Lib: That's the ice temple the Driver told us about. I've been looking at the map and most of the ground below is a solid sheet of ice, just like he said. The closest spot without ice is five miles east of that temple. He wasn't lieing when he said the taxi can't get any closer than that.

    Rachel: I never assumed he was. I'm the personificatio of April Fools Day... I can usually tell if someones trying to play a trick on me.

    Lib: Either way, after the lockdown, we should see if Mia can lend us a vehicle or something. It should make things rediculously easier.

    Al: Awww... cute doggie! I wish I had a puppy.

    Masterson's voice came back over the speaker.

    Masterson: You're never going to believe this ma'am, but the Dockmaster... er... former Dockmaster Arnie is in custody. Security found him in one of the hallways outside of storage bay three. They are locking the brig down as we speak. They say he didn't even put up a fight.

    Mia: What was so hard to believe Crew Chief? You didn't expect us to catch him?

    Masterson: No... I mean, yes, I figured we'ld get him but that wasn't the weird thing. He was mumbling something about an animal being inside the base. He looked scared s***less, ma'am.

    Mia: Did he say what kind?

    Masterson: Hold on ma'am. Security is sending the report right now... wait... This can't be right... a yorkie?

    Al: Is he cute & cuddly?

    Mia ignored Al for once and went on.

    Mia: Please repeat that, crew chief. I don't think I heard you right up here.

    Outside the office the distinct sticatto sound of gunfire could be heard in the hanger. First in the bay, then closer.

    Materson: We have a lock! It's in the hanger!

    Rachel: I think we could have already figured that out by the gunfire there, smartguy.

    Masterson: It's headed right for the office, ma'am! You need to get out of there!

    No sooner did the man on the radio finish did the company in the office hear two thuds outside the office door as the two guards stationed outside fell down on the catwalk. Everyone inside was on their feet and making their way slowly behind the cover of the solid wood desk. Four pairs of eyes looked at the door and waited.

    Masterson: Mia, did you hear me? It's at the office! Get out, now!

    The door burst inward in a storm of dust and splinters. The pieces falling just short of where the four stood behind the desk. As their eyes adjusted to the new influx of florescent light from the hanger, they could see a silhouette standing in the doorframe... on all four legs and only about a foot off the floor, at most, from paw to ear. There, in the open doorway, was a small, shaggy looking yorkshire terrier panting heavily and with its tail wagging at a feverish pace. Slowly as not to make any startling movements, Al handed Liberius the open journal and pointed to the sketch of a small, mangy looking yorkie with a caption below it.

    Liberius: "Captain Von Trufflesnout"?

    Captain Von Trufflesnout: Master! You remembered!

    With a surprising strength for his size, the dog ran forward and tackled Lib. Captain Von Trufflesnout stood on his chest and started to lick the man's face.

    Al: You own a talking dog? How cute is that!

    Rachel: At the moment I would say it's rather sickening.

    Lib: I don't recall a 'talking' dog, no.

    Captain Von Trufflesnout: I only started talking recently. I learned a couple new tricks too! I can't wait to show you! I missed you so much! I thought you were dead! Do you happen to have a treat for me?! Oh! Oh! How about a new toy! Please be a ball, please be a ball...

    Mia: You named your dog 'Captain Von Trufflesnout'?

    Lib: No, that was the late wife's decision. I got him when he was a puppy as a gift for her on our aniversary...

    Rachel: I thought you didn't remember anything about your past?

    Al: It was in one of the journal entries.

    Rachel, Mia, and Lib (with the small yorkie still licking the side of his face) turned to look at Al.

    Al: What? I read the articles sometimes, too.

    Lib: Alright! Alright! I'll find you a treat!

    Captain Von Trufflesnout: Yay!

    Mia decided to throw Liberius a bone, every pun intended, and tossed the stress ball she still had in her hand over to give to the excited dog. Lib took it and underhanded it across the room. His dog promptly fetched it and brought it right back. This went on for a few minutes as Liberius and Captain Von Trufflesnout explained a little bit of the ordeal to Mia, and expressed that there wasn't any more 'danger' to be had of the situation. Mia went back to official business, giving orders to take care of any of the damages the dog had caused and interrogating Arnie. When the reunited pet and master had had enough time to play, the five of them went straight to planing the next step on the Item Quest.

    ==================================================

    Back in the Writer's World...

    CMtW: Liberius... You are an idiot.

    LiberiustW: Why, because of the name of the dog?

    CMtW: That, and the entire last four posts you had were poorly writen.

    LiberiustW: True, but there have been worse in the NeS before.

    CMtW: Fine... I'll give you that. But where the heck did you get a party of five? There's three, plus the dog, which, I'm pretty sure you were going to have continue being a character.

    LiberiustW: Can I finish the post at least? You know, that might help answer in answering a question before you even need to ask.

    CMtW: *sigh* Now I know why Geb went crazy being in charge here...

    ================================================== ==

    Back in the office of the not-so-secret-anymore mech base...

    Rachel: NO! Nope, no way!

    Mia: Too bad. I'm coming.

    Al: Yay!

    Rachel glared at him coldly.

    Lib: Rachel, I really hate to make you angry, but... It's not a bad idea. The more people we have on our side, the better. Mia can handle herself under pressure, as proven by my dog and Arnie, and we need people like that.

    Mia: Plus, Raij is my mech. When Arnie dumped him on me he made the paperwork perminent. So I think a bad*** chick with her own mech might be handy in a pinch.

    Rachel: Stupid mechs.

    Mia: Also, if Al's going, I'm going. He is my boyfriend now after all.

    Al: Yay! I have a girlfriend!

    Rachel: Don't remind me.

    Captain Von Trufflesnout: You guys mind if we grab a bite to eat before we leave? I'm kind of starving. Nothing helps to keep you hungry like story wielding, let me tell ya.

    Lib: What did you just say?

    Captain Von Trufflesnout: I'm hungry. Feed me.

    Rachel: Did you just say story wielding?

    Captain Von Trufflesnout: Oh yeah, that. Remember those new tricks I wanted to show you? How else do you think I got here and handled my own inside?

    Lib: I trained you well?

    Captain Von Trufflesnout: True... but... I had some help too. Some decent looking chick dressed like a peasant was doing something with these two guys and then, BAM! I could talk and manipulate the story slightly. Only a little though. I am a dog after all.

    Rachel: That's Losien all right.

    Al: Is that how you found us?

    Captain Von Trufflesnout: No... I'm a dog. I just followed my master's scent. It was actually kind of easy when I hit the frozen wasteland. Not too much reason for the smell of Old Spice to be hanging around. I just had to keep moving though because I kept falling in the snow. Did I mention I was hungry?

    Lib: Where's the mess hall?

    Mia: Fine... Follow me, we'll eat before we leave.
    "Hello one day ban." ~ Baconfish
    >Liberius when he's not on Massassi<

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