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Thread: The Never-ending Story Thread˛

  1. #1

    The Never-ending Story Thread˛

    page 51

    (NSP: The Never-ending Story Thread˛, or NeSquared for short, is a continuation of The Never-ending Story, a comedic epic about a ragtag party of self-proclaimed heroes out to fight evil. It can be found here:

    You can also see what was previously on this thread on the Alternate Stories thread.)

    A large and lively van cruises down an empty road that cuts through the cold and desolate streets of London, England. Everywhere there are signs of recent destruction, of a battle so vast it nearly destroyed the world. People go to work in half-destroyed offices and drive down streets littered with demon corpses, apparently none-the-wiser of the past events. Children play with weapons found lying in alleyways. On every corner, busily restoring that which has been destroyed, are construction crews, imported from Tokyo. They are the best of the best, and they have to be, what with Godzilla and Mothra and the gang destroying their shiny new skyscrapers every other week. Life more or less returns slowly to normal. The small party of heroes inside the van have been traveling for some time, wandering the lands on a quest to rid the world of evil. In the frozen lands of NeS, they were forces to eat Ares' clone, and there was much rejoicing.

    heroes inside van: Yey.

    Inside the van, a blue-collared man with dark work pants and untamed autumn hair slept in the passanger seat. He is known to often be the heart and leader of the party, his mysterious charisma and character drawn from the inanity and story that is NeS, and is known by the name Gebohq. A swift kick by the driver, who is none other than Mr. T, snaps him to consciousness.

    Gebohq: Who? What? I'm awake! The answer is 42!

    Driver: Get up, foo'! There's somethin' comin' up.

    Geb rubs his eyes and looks around. Behind him, five people are seated in the back part of the van. Five Heroes, the remnants of the once-extremely-numerous band. Just behind Geb lie the Mega-ZZTer, Ford, and the Otter, all three fast asleep. MZZT has slumped over onto Ford's shoulder, and is drooling on his arcane-symbol-covered T-shirt. The Otter has his bowler hat drawn down over his sunglasses, clutching a bottle of scotch to his chest protectively and mumbling incoherant things then smiling in his sleep. In the back sits Maybechild, Losien, and Krig. Maybechild and Losien are quietly discussing whatever it is women discuss when they talk quietly and keep looking at you. Krig stands on the seat with his head out the window, the stubby Viking's hairy face split with a feral grin.

    Krig: Krig see it! Van get close!

    Driver: Ah see it, foo'! Y'don' hafta yell!

    What could the nine heroes and Mr. T be approaching? Does this story have enough strength to continue onward? Find out here on The Never-ending Story Thread!

    (NSP: Whether new or old, please do what you can to describe your character. For those just joining, previous reading is not required. Otherwise, on with the story!)

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited July 09, 2004).]
    Last edited by Gebohq; 04-01-2008 at 09:07 PM.

  2. #2
    (NSP: And our every-faithful friend...)

    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  3. #3
    James Earl Jones: [u]I will be taking over the job of the Narrator, as the Narrator was devoured by the Darkside on page 50 in the semi-final climactic battle of the eternity of the week. Until the Narrator's son, Junior, is old enough to take over, I'll will be, eh, taking over.[/i]

    Junior: Unca James! What's going on? Let me see, let me see!

    JEJ: Well, let me describe it to you. In the wake of the EeP, NeS has been totally and irrevocably altered. It has been SQUARED. The five towers of the plotfractal in the Arena are now TWENTY-five, and the NeT, or Neverending Tower is one of them, the tallest. The Editor is dead, leaving a power void. And who now fills it? Well, let us find out. . .


    *The scene shifts to a point just outside the Arena, which has been blasted into smithereens in large part, making it look rather the ancient Colosseum. A man in a grey robe stands outside it... Shadowlord*

    Shadowlord: Well, it's now or never, all or nothing.

    JEJ: Shadowlord, once the loyal servant of Highemperor, now seemingly masterless, seeks to determine the fate of the *cough* great Character(TM), apparently dead in the battle for the NeS.

    Shadowlord: *steps inside the Arena* Wow. 25 plotfractals now, arranged in a fractalized spiral, ever higher, ever more complex - yet ever more simple.

    JEJ: Obviously, Shadowlord's penchant for overstating the obvious has not diminished in the slightest.

    Shadowlord: *dryly* As just as obviously, Jones, your penchant for repetition has not diminished either.

    JEJ: *glare*

    Shadowlord: At any rate...

    JEJ: Shadowlord discovers a lone bloodstain on the ground, etched in the destiny of reality. All that remains of the once-mighty Highemp.

    Shadowlord: Or is it? I wonder...

    JEJ: *sardonically* As you wander? *smirk*

    *Shadowlord ignores him but instead reaches a finger down to touch the dried blood. It is in the pattern of an ink pen that resembles a fang. As soon as he touches it, though, the blood starts swirling, becoming evanescent*

    Junior: Cue "Bring Me To Life"!!!

    JEJ: Quiet.

    *As the blood grows and becomes a roiling whirlpool, it GROWS and froms into an incredible structure of great proportions: a palatial hacienda hewn from crimson steel, bound only by the 25 fractalized towers, which of course are unbound. Shadowlord gasps in awe*

    Shadowlord: *gasp of awe*

    JEJ: Shadowlord knocks on the front gate. It slowly creaks open, and he knows if it had been anyone but him, he would have been destroyed on the spot. He steps inside, and sees-


    JEJ: Elsewhere...

    Geb: Well, here we are in the new and improved Hall of Heroes!

    Losien: Uh, bro, it's a rather 'destroyed-beyond-all-hope' Hall of Heroes.

    Maybe: Which may or may not be an improvement for Big Ben.

    Geb: Er, right, but I thought it'd be cool to say.

    MZZT: I'm still trying to figure out how I'm alive...

    Otter: Looks like I'm the only one left with a disproportional ego, since Highemp's dead.

    Disembodied Voice: Not so.

    JKtheWhite: Huh? Who's that?

    DV: You don't know?

    Geb: *eyes wide* Highemp?

    JEJ: A figure steps out of the shadows. It resembles Highemp, but...

    Figure Resembling Highemp: I'm the Highcount. Ayrchula.

    Maybe: Oh-kay...

    Highcount: I was Highemp. But I survived through my blood. I am the ruler of the NeS, for I have the uncovered the secret of bloodink.

    Ford: Bloodink?

    Highcount: Bloodink is permanent ink, for what it is more permanent than something sealed with blood? It was originally used in ancient Atlantis by AncientWritertheWriter, until vampires came along and drank the bloodink, throwing the NeS into disarray. Thus, BelmontTheWriter discontinued its use, and it has never been used again... until now.

    *There is a dramatic pause*

    Highcount: I have discovered my own blood to be undrinkable, and thus truly permanent. In case any one else tries to use their own blood, impermanent as it may be, I have recruited the Death KNeLL - vampires. Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahaha - *cough*

    MZZT: 'Scuse me, but aren't things getting a little too serious for the NeS?

    Highcount: As I said, I am now in control. All the OMNIcron bows to me.

    Geb: But Highemp, please, for old times' sake, you can't do this!

    Highcount: It's Highcount now. And I must. For the sake of my daughter.

    All: DAUGHTER?!

    Highcount: *his look softens* I must protect her. Create the ultimate paradise of NeS for her. You see, since I died in the semi-final battle of all eternity of the week, I have existed in this brave new world all this time, while you have only just entered it. Though I remember my existence in the original NeS, I also have existed in the NeSquared whilst you have just come in. My existence here has been different. You have stopped me many times, but I have uncovered the secret of ultimate bloodink. *he pauses* And... I have a daughter. Her name is Iriana.

    Geb: Highemp, please.

    Censor: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Scuse me, but this is WAY too serious! Interject a little humor in here, will ya? I'm gonna have to censor out all this seriousness.

    Highcount: Perhaps so, but I am in control of the NeS now. And - wait. Wait.

    Geb: What is it?

    Highcount: I... sense something. I shall leave you for now. Geb, as I trust you, despite our rivalry, I leave you in charge of the NeSquared... for now. Protect Iriana Emp.

    JEJ: Highemp suddenly disappears, as the air fractalizes about him and he vanishes into the unknown...


    Highemp's story is to be continued in NeShattered!

    EDIT: Just adding the link. And making a few consistency changes.

    Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel!

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited July 07, 2004).]
    Last edited by Gebohq; 09-16-2005 at 02:26 AM.
    Visit my all-new website, the [url=]Lazarus Citadel[/url!

  4. #4
    Geb: Wow, how confusing. Hope it wasn't important. Anywhos, here we are, back at good ol' Hall of Heroes!

    MZZT: Too bad it's all, like, you know, destroyed and whatnot.

    Ford: We best salvage what we can then.

    Geb: Right, I'll be back in the van then, still trying to recover from horrible psychological scarring from the near-destruction of our existance as we know it.

    Ford: Stop being such a baby Geb and quit trying to squirm out of helping us out!

    Geb: Eh, it was worth a try...

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited November 18, 2003).]
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  5. #5
    In the darkness JorBo waits for the right time to jump into the story. FeaR!

    Brain returned and the people rejoiced.
    Free Mikus!
    It is well that war is so terrible - otherwise we would grow too fond of it. - Robert E. Lee

  6. #6
    Far away...

    UGO Agent #1: *into walkie-talkie* This is Agent Unus. We are almost out of London.

    Hey, didn't I say FAR away? Sheesh, undermining the Narrator...

    UGO Mastermind: *through the walkie-talkie* Excellent, Agent Unus. Keep your truck's speed level, so the Characters(TM) don't get suspicious. No one must know we are stealing the copyright to NeS until we get it safely out of London.

    Agent Unus: Yes, sir.

    Suddenly a shadow falls across the moon. A shadow of something flying. Something with a pen-saber behind its ear and dorky clothes...

    Agent Duos: What was that?

    Agent Unus: It's a Character(TM), isn't it?!

    UGO Mastermind: *through walkie-talkie* Agent Duos, take care of this pronto. Agent Unus, full speed ahead! Get out of London now!

    The truck bearing the copyright to NeS zooms ahead on the bridge across the Thames, while Agent Duos opens fire on the shadowy figure flying down towards them.

    Agent Duos: It's not any Character(TM) I've ever seen!

    Indeed it is not. It is a masked Character(TM), with the word "SCRIBE" emblazoned across his chest. Who is this mysterious new Character(TM)? What is his motive? Where has he come from? Will the UGO Mastermind successfully steal the copyright to NeS?

    Well, don't expect an answer from ME; JKtheWhite has the future script of the NeS. Go bug him!

    Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel!

    [This message has been edited by Highemperor (edited November 20, 2003).]
    Visit my all-new website, the [url=]Lazarus Citadel[/url!

  7. #7
    Meanwhile at the other end of town near the docks the sounds of large men beating up on a smaller man is heard echoing through the various cargo containers.

    Thug 1: Where is our money Jeff?

    Thug 2: I think i heard something...

    Jeff: *ouch*

    Thug 1: What is it?

    Thug 2: I dunno it sounded like footsteps...

    Thug 1: Check it out.

    Thug 2 walks into the shadowy maze of cargo containers and shortly after an "oof" and a thud is heard. Thug 1 leaves Jeff tied to the chair and investigates.

    Thug 1: Hey Mike, what's going on?

    Just then a mysterious figure lands in front of Thug 1, Mike's blood running down it's chin, Thug 1 slowly backs away the mysterious figure stares with glowing red eyes. Thugg 1 turns and runs but the mysterious figure is too fast.

    Jeff: HELP!

    The mysterious figure now covered in blood slowly approaches Jeff.

    Jeff: Please don't hurt me...

    The mysterious figure pulls out a large knife, Jeff starts scream in fear. The mysterious figure walks behind Jeff and cuts the ropes, Jeff turns to thank the mysterious figure but he already diappeared.


    [NSP: I request y'all leave the mysterious figure alone for now I have plans for him]


    [This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited November 21, 2003).]
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  8. #8
    God: How's it goin' CM?

    CM: Eh, ok. Heaven isn't all what it cracked up to be.

    God: How so?

    CM: Well, first off, I'm the only character who actually died. It's quite lonely up here.

    God: Is that so ... yes, I guess you are right. Satan has been slacking off lately.

    CM: heh. Well, you can't expect him to do much while he's on vacation, right?

    God: I suppose so. Well, the heroes seem to be finishing things up quite quickly. I only hope they kill off the evil remnants. I don't think they realize that the minions are still wrecking havok in the smaller countries.

    CM: Well, couldn't you like, tell them?

    God: No, it is not my job to directly interfere... but...

    CM: But what?

    God: You want to see your friends again?

    CM: What are you trying to say?

    God: Here's the deal. You finish off the minions of the Great Evil, and I'll grant you your life back, and grant you immortality for 100 years. You fail, and you are stuck here for eternity playing Poker with me.

    CM: I'll do it!

    God: Alright then. It's settled. Just remember, you aren't immortal until you finish off all the minions!

    CM: How will I know when I have defeated them all?

    God: There will be a sign.

    CM: How do I know something is a minion?

    God: They can't resist Cinnabuns.

    CM: Interesting ... well, I'm ready!

    God: Good luck, my son.

    Suddenly, CM falls from the sky at an amazing speed. He also realizes that he has his staff back in his hand. Quickly, he casts his teleport skill, before he hits the ground.

    CM: Whew. What a way to be reborn. Now, where can I get some Cinnabuns?

    CM is back! Can he defeat the leftover minions of the great evil? Will he find Wai and Mimiru and rejoin them? And where is he going to get Cinnabuns?! It's all on you.

    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  9. #9
    Back at the Hall of Heroes we see the heroes taking a break from cleaning up the HoH.

    Geb: I'm going for a short walk in the woods, anyone wanna come with me?

    Krig and Ford stand up and say "ok" simply because they have nothing better to do with their break. The three heroes then begin a little walk through the woods.

    Geb: Wow, i didn't know the woods would be so... full of wood.

    They hear a noise and Krig raises his axe.

    Ford: Krig, lower your axe... These woods are protected by Ranger Smith, if he sees you with your axe he will probably throw you in jail... he's crazy like that.

    Geb: ?

    Ford: Something evil approaches

    The three heroes hide behind some bushes waiting to attack. The evil being steps on a branch and it snaps. The heroes attack the being but fail.

    evil being: You come for a walk through the woods... It is not by mere chance that you choose this moment...

    The three heroes stand confused.

    Geb: Who are you? Show yourself!

    The evil being steps forward and lowers his hood showing his face.

    Geb: Jim? but... you...

    All 3: died...

    Jim7: yeah... uhm... where the heck do you think I go when I die?

    Geb: oh... I see... what?

    Jim7: now if you don't mind I have some stuff to do...

    Jim7 walks off into the woods.


    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  10. #10
    Far Away… Again

    The unknown Character™ swoops down from the sky and lands on the UGO truck.
    A swirling ball of comic book fight dust surrounds the truck as various limbs and articles of clothing poke out from inside the dust ball.

    When the dust clears the truck is by the side of the road. All four tires are flat. The two UGO agents are lying next to the truck in tattered clothes.
    One of them crawls over to the truck and looks in the back.

    Agent Unus: The NeS copyright is gone!

    Agent Duos: The boss isn’t going to happy about this.

    Where is the copyright? Who is this unknown Character™? Will the hero’s find the copyright before UGO does? Will the next post contain a reference to buttered toast?

    The search for the copyright has begun.

    [This message has been edited by JorBo (edited November 25, 2003).]
    It is well that war is so terrible - otherwise we would grow too fond of it. - Robert E. Lee

  11. #11
    Back at Teh Secret Base of Jim7 Tony is dusting off Jim7's objects of time

    Tony: *singing* I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner...

    Suddenly the door opens and Tony swings around while whiping out his pistol.

    Jim7: It's just me.

    Tony: I heard you were dead... oh well I knew you would come back.

    Jim7: yes, I have returned, and it appears just in time too.

    Tony: what do you mean by that?

    Jim7: just before my return I noticed that some of the old forces are attempting to shake the foundations of the NeS

    a short pause while Jim7 stares out his window.

    Jim7: it doesn't matter much to me anyway... my days as a protector of the plotfractal are over they ended when I sacrificed my own life to help defeat the EeP

    Just then a mysterious figure walks into the office

    Tony: HALT!

    Jim7: Tony, do not worry, he is here because I called him here.

    Tony: who is he?

    Jim7: He is a warrior from a few years in the future.

    Tony: the future?

    Jim7: yes, in hell, time doesn't really mean a hell of alot.

    Tony: so he's a zombie or something?

    Jim7: no, he is very much alive, but he entered a gate of some form and through an accident did not appear at the destination of the gate but took a side trip into hell...

    a short pause, mysterious figure sits down

    Jim7: the trip into hell changed him forever... he is no longer mortal and as a result has seen many wars in his long life.

    Tony: how old is he?

    mysterious figure: I was 23 when I stepped into the gate and when i returned to earth the year was 33BC then in 1987 Satan appeared to me and recruited me to his army as his assassin... It was about 1000years ago when I was recruited... again the concept of time is really weird in hell...

    Jim7: as for his name, he has many, he is known to me as Deimos... named after the last place he stood as a mortal.

    O....K.... WTF?

    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  12. #12
    NSP: Just letting you all know that Antestarr has made an appearance here on Massassi, so if you wish to reply, check out this thread:
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  13. #13
    Just outside of town life is peaceful on a small farm, children are playing, and old man is sitting in a chair reading a newspaper and a small lost puppy walks up to the house.

    child 1: oh look a puppy!

    The children walk up to the puppy, their parents walk up shortly after

    child 2: can we keep him?

    mother: he probably belongs to someone

    father: well we could keep him here while we look for his owners

    child 1: look he has a tag..

    father: is there an address on it?

    child 1: no just a name, "sugar dumpling"

    mother: that's a cute name...

    The family and sugar dumpling walk into the house

    The End.

    well it's the end of my post so

    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  14. #14
    Dark forces are still at work in the NeS, or NeSquared as it is now. The remnants of evil remain.

    And Satan, or Jim, has defected, it seems, from the great alliance of evil the EeP put together. He intends to rule over all evil himself, instead of swearing fealty to another master. He was most peeved when Matthew Pate relieved him of his Satanic duties, even for a little while, and so became more evil than ever. Still, there are some areas that even he cannot access.

    In the Tenth (and deepest, most vile) Hell... There is a dark city of twisted black towers. In the slums of this City Whose Name Is To Unspeakable to Speak is a lone city block.

    The Writer's Block. *thunder crashes, horses neigh*

    Inside, we see the ruler of the Writer's Block, clad in robes spun from flame. Helebon.

    Helebon: *to minions* My master plan is finally coming to fruition.

    Demonic Lackey #1: What do you mean, master?

    Helebon: I mean that soon Hell, and all the realms of NeS will be mine! They would have been mine long ago if it weren't for that meddling kid - er, scratch that blatant Scooby-Doo reference from the docket, please. Anywhos, if it weren't for my traitorous son, Jim, who took over the rest of Hell in my place, I'd have conquered everything by now!

    Demonic Lackey #2: What about your elder son, Darkside?

    Helebon: He was always too ambitious for his own good. Trying to prove his own evilness and darkness to everyone just to live up to my standards. Well, at least he tried...

    For you see, Helebon is even more powerful than Darkside. Where Darkside consists of a thousand lost souls, Helebon has devoured the souls of a hundred thousand - all heroes and former characters of the NeS.

    Helebon: *darkly* But that was before... Before Jim ruined everything.

    Demonic Lackey #3: How did Jim (cursed be his name, master!) ruin everything?

    Helebon: Well, I had my faithful lackey Grand Admiral Thrawn tow a piece of hellflame with his SSD into space - which the Earth perceived as a comet. But then JIM had to go and blab to NostradamustheWriter, who wrote that in his prophecies, so that heroes were prepared! The war god Ares, determined to prove himself to the Supreme WriterGod that he was worthier to rule the NeS, created the Arena to hone the heroes into a true fighting force that could stop the tide of evil. Lo and behold, he succeeded! Forcing ME to change my plans...

    Oh, no! What now? What dastardly turn of events will happen now?

    Helebon: Shaddup, ya dumb stupid Narrator, and I'll tell you!

    Sorry. *shaddups*

    Helebon: THANK you. Anywhos, Ares, with the help of Grand Admiral Ryan (Grand Admiral Thrawn's nemesis), managed to plant the seed of the NeS - which the WriterGod created - within Gebohq. And so it came to pass that the NeS was created. In the beginning, you remember, was the Word (the Neverending Word, mind you), and it made all things NeW - har, har, bad pun.

    Shameless Plug from HighemptheWriter: You'd already know about some of this if you bothered to read NeShattered!

    Moving on...

    Helebon: Didn't I just tell you to shaddup?


    All: SHADDUP!

    *goes off in corner and cries*

    Helebon: So anyway, there was the Neverending Word, which spawned the WriterGod, the NeS, and everything else. But the true driving force are the Characters(TM), which Ares forged, thanks to my son's meddling.

    Demonic Lackey #4: So what are you going to do about that?

    Helebon: Well, actually, Jim had done me an immense favor. I had attacked the NeW in my youth, only to discover that I was not large or powerful enough to devour it, instead being flung back into a remote corner of the OMNIcron known as Hell, where I created this, the Writer's Block, to plague it for all time. But through the NeS, the NeW created many powerful weapons for me to gather and use while the "heroes" weren't looking!

    Demonic Lackeys: Yay for master!

    Helebon: I have captured Darkfoil, which is Antestarr's sword Lightfoil with my dumb son Darkside trapped within it (his powers added to mine may yet help, you never know); Porkus Malorkis (the demonic lackey who stole it for me turned into a pig, unfortunately enough); a pr0n pistolizer, a sort of a immense shotgun that fires pr0n pellets at its targets to kill them in slow writhing agony; 6313049, an evil robot version of Gebohq with !337 powers; and the druidess Jagarra, the baker of the best jelly doughnuts in the universe! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    May I speak now?

    Helebon: Ah, go ahead.

    With these weapons, surely Helebon is invincible and will trounce the heroes!

    Helebon: Ah, yes, the kind of narrating I like...


    NSP: In short, Helebon has gathered the remnants of the dark evil forces that Cool Matty and DrkJdi7 mentioned to himself. Take this where you will!

    Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel!
    Visit my all-new website, the [url=]Lazarus Citadel[/url!

  15. #15

    MZZT walks into his old room in the HoH, hoping it isn't too badly wrecked. To his delight, it's practically as he left it. With the exception that the wallpaper is peeling in one spot where it had gotten wet, the room was almost intact. His large video game collection is intact (that's the important part) and his bed and clothes and stuff are fine too.

    MZZT: Goodie! Now I can play Mario Kart Double Dash... *clicks on GameCube* Oh drat, no electricity... grr... I guess I'll take a nap, maybe they'll have restored electricity by tomorrow.

    MZZT closes the door, gets in bed, and falls asleep.


    MZZT is slapped in the face. Hard.

    MZZT: GAH! *blood drips from his lip*

    Voice: Where is the rebel base?!?

    //Everything is so hazy... it's like a dream... but it's more real than a dream... that voice has a light behind him, I can't make out his features... ooh everything hurts... I.. I'm passing out... or am I dying?//


    MZZT wakes up with a jolt.

    MZZT: GAH!... Whew... just a dream... glad that wasn't real... I knew I shouldn't have gone to that SW film party with my friends... all 5 movies was a bit too much I guess...

    With a hum, the lights come on and MZZT's GameCube and TV turn on.

    MZZT: Woohoo! Awesome! *plays some GC*

    [NSP: This relates to my NeShattered post, I hope you appreciate it! ]

    The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven!

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 28, 2003).]

  16. #16
    forums' resident drunk scotI
    In the Hall of Heroes:

    Haggis: Hello? I say, is anyone there? Look, I hate to be a burden, but I'm awfully confused...

  17. #17

    MZZT leans out of his door and shouts down the hallway.

    MZZT: Hey Haggis!

    Haggis walks to MZZT's room.

    Haggis: What's up Mega?

    MZZT: Well, I've been a bit confused too, I just got back from that "Final Battle" thing, and I was feeling a bit bored. Wanna play some Mario Kart Double Dash?

    Haggis: Meh, sure.

    Haggis plays MKDD with MZZT, and is not confused for the moment. Yey!

    The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven!

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 28, 2003).]

  18. #18
    (NSP: Just here for the erotic fiction.)

    Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 08, 2003).]

  19. #19
    Registered User
    Somewhere near the outskirts of the planet's surface, a warrior on the clouds battles desperately for his life...


    A burst of flame erupts from the edge of sharp steel, carved into a Pike. Four unknown figures blast back, through the clouds. Standing in the clearing, pike glimmering in shine, stands Tav' Roon. This man, or so creature, is a spirit, forced to wander the skies in search of freedom...

    Who is this Tav' Roon? Who are the four unknown figures? Why is he forced to wander the skies? Why am I asking you these questions?


  20. #20
    We head to Mimiru's Mansion, where CM has just arrived...

    (Bursting through the door) CM: MIMIRRUUUUUUUUUU!!!!


    Subaru: Calm down CM! She's getting out of the shower.

    CM: Fine. I hope she hurries though...

    They both take a seat at the recliners in the lobby.

    CM: So how has Mimiru been holding up?

    Subaru: Don't change the subject. You don't always come barging in like that. What's got you so worked up?

    CM: I'd rather tell you and Mimiru together...

    Mimiru: Subaru, is someone here? Oh, it's you CM!

    They hug, and Mimiru joins the other two in a recliner

    CM: I have something VERY important to tell you ... I've been given this mission from God...

    Mimiru: What?! Are you drunk again?

    CM: No, I swear! It has to do with the remnants of evil! And they LOVE cinnabuns! I have to kill them so I can retain my life here on the earth, since dying isn't any fun.

    Mimiru: ... YOU DIED?!

    Subaru: You ARE drunk...

    CM: No really, it's true! You have to believe me! The NeS plotfractal is very unstable right now. If the evil is able to disrupt the plotfractal, EeP will return, and gain unlimited power within the NeS.

    Mimiru: But what weapon could they possibly have that could disrupt the plotfractal?

    CM: Remember the Lightfoil? The one Antestarr corrupted to contain the evil Darkside? If that blade is released, surely it will be the doom of the plotfractal.

    Subaru: Ok, forget the alcohol. You have been doing something illegal.

    Mimiru: No, CM is on to something here. But your idea is ... well... too simple. As if we are really only scratching the surface. Either way, we must act upon this.

    CM: Yea.

    Wai: I'mmmm home! And someone owes me $24.69 for gas, thanks to you cheap skates leaving the gas tank empty!

    Subaru: Couldn't you just walk? You got unlimited stamina anyway.

    Wai: You think I am built on Energizer batteries or something? Sheesh, no respect.

    CM: Well! I had wandered where you had wondered off to.

    Wai: You sent me here, remember?

    CM: ... oh right. That whole 'death' thing kinda clogs your memory.

    Subaru: You remembered the sword pretty vividly...

    CM: DETAILS... anyway... Wai, feel like grabbing us a subspace capable ship so we can go slay some badguys?

    Wai: Oh no you don't. I'm done being your stupid bodyguard. I didn't ask for it. Hell, the only reason I hang around you is because you keep popping up wherever I am.

    Subaru: Hah, even robots are rejecting you.

    CM: Just turn him off....

    Mimiru reaches over and punches Wai in the uppermost left rib, activating the kill switch and deactivating Wai.

    CM: Ahhhh thank you. Anyway, Mimiru, feel like joining me?

    Mimiru: Not at the moment. I want to research into this further. Feel free to take my ship though.

    CM: You have a ship?

    Mimiru: Duh. Any mansion should have a ship.

    CM goes into the garage, and suddenly notices that the garage isn't just any garage, it's a hanger

    Mimiru: Unfortunately my Skipray Blastboat is in the shop. You'll have to take the Rusty Chevrolet.

    CM: That car?

    Mimiru: It's a SHIP.

    CM: You can't tell me that rust bucket actually flies...

    Mimiru: Just take the keys and quit complaining.

    CM: ... What I do to save the world ... geez...

    Mimiru: I thought you were doing it to save your own butt?

    CM: ... oh, right.

    Can CM find the evil remnant? Where will he get enough Cinnabuns to lure them out? And just how is he going to fly that peice of junk? Stay Tooned...

    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  21. #21
    In the office of Jim7 a portal of fire opens...

    Jim7: Seth, what are you doing here?

    Seth: Helebon has amassed a large army and plans to invade.

    Jim7: Does that crazy midget still think he is my father?

    Seth: Yes, but that isn't important our spies have informed us he plans to make his way through to the Black Fortress and gain access to the portal. He then plans to take his war to the NeS.

    Jim7: Tony, hold all my calls I'm returning to Hell to take care of this, Deimos, you wait for my signal.

    Seth and Jim7 enter the portal of fire.

    City of Flame, Hell.... Jim7 and Seth have appeared at what will be the location of the first battle in Helebon's war.

    General Tierg: Sir, the scouts we sent out just reported in...

    Jim7: What are we looking at

    Seth: Helebon is completely emptying his city our scouts have reported at least 750,000,000 soldiers not including air support and tanks.

    Jim7: Helebon wouldn't have many tanks to throw at us I made sure of that months ago.

    Seth: But his air support could still be a threat to our planes.

    Jim7: Then we will have to protect our airfields... With luck we should be able to hold back their forces long enough for the units from Gruulinar to get here...

    Seth: It would be faster if the portals were working.

    Jim7: But they aren't... Maybe if we knew something like this would happen we would have made sure they didn't fall apart.

    General Tierg: We have 3,000,000 troops in this region and 17,000 defending this fortress. This is the only route to the rest of Hell and the Black Fortress.

    Jim7: I am very aware of this, we should be able to squeeze out a victory.

    17,000? AGAINT 750,000,000 UHM... CAN ANYONE SAY SCREWED?


    [This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited December 10, 2003).]
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  22. #22
    *Sarn wanders into the HoH.*

    Sarn: "Hmm, how'd I get here? ... Is that Mario Kart Double Dash I hear?"

    *Sarn wanders off, following his ears to the source of the sound*

    Tia mi aven Moridin isainde vadin The next big thing since individually wrapped cheese slices (coming soon).
    If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

    Lassev: I guess there was something captivating in savagery, because I liked it.

  23. #23
    CM: What a peice of junk!!!

    CM, attempting to fly a ship that most would deem inadequate for flying, narrowly avoids a radio tower.

    CM: Wai, see what you can do about the power to the engines...

    Wai: Simply put, the rust bucket is getting plenty of gas. Devouring it would probably be a better term. But we are barely pulling 3000 RPM.

    CM: Well, see what you can do about it!

    Wai: I am not a mechanic, I am a robot!

    CM: What are you programmed to do then?

    Wai: Wander.

    CM: Besides that.

    Wai: .... unable to comply... deactiv...

    CM: Oh don't you even think about it. I just put Gentoo on you before we left. Don't act like you are crashing.

    Wai: Dam you Linus.... dam you to hell...

    Wai: I think I found out why it isn't working well.

    CM: Why's that?

    Wai: Its running off of a gas/oil mixture, 50%. Commonly used for trimmers.

    CM: Well that would explain the clouds of smoke also... figures this rust bucket wouldn't even have proper fuel in it.

    Wai: That's not all, it runs on Leaded fuel.

    CM: BEJESUS! How old IS this thing?!


    CM: Holy !@%$!!!!!

    CM attempts to veer to the left quickly, narrowly avoiding a church steeple, but instead crashes into a telephone line, bringing the ship to the ground...

    CM: Well CRAP!

    The car putters to a halt, and then proceeds to stall.

    CM: Fudge this stupid thing. Wai, grab my hand. I'm teleporting...

    Mimiru: CM! Are you there?

    CM: Woh, yea Mimiru, I'm thankfully still alive. Or dead...well ... around I guess.

    Mimiru: Good... We just got heavy activity in hell. It seems to be a huge army, 700million or more. And guess what the supplies are?

    CM & Mimiru: Cinnabuns...

    CM: So the army is in Hell? Figures, I bet satan is behind it also.

    Mimiru: Actually no. He's forming a resistance, and has posted a call for recruits throughout the area. He has approximately 18000 troops now, with more on the way. The area only has about 3 million battle-worthy people though, so it's bound to be a slaughter.

    CM: A slaughter in hell. How interesting. Anyway, can you give me specific coordinates?

    Mimiru: Best I can do is this non-functioning portal. It's still broadcasting its location, but it's offline.

    CM: That'll do.

    Mimiru: ... Ok... the coordinates are... *blahgh blatght* I'll also be joining you down there, so don't start without me.

    CM: Got it, thanks. Wai, lock onto those coordinates, and give me a nearby landmark I can visualize.

    Wai: A big ugly pile of skulls lined around a archway approximately 15 feet tall, and all red, as if bloodstained.

    CM: That'll do. Grab my hand...

    Wai grips CM's hand, and by visualizing the area, CM teleports both of them down to hell. The battle seems to be almost ready. How will Satan fare? Does CM have a plan yet, or is he charging headfirst into the only place he never wanted to visit? And what is Wai going to do? THINK ABOUT THE ROBOT FOR ONCE! PROTECT THE POOR ROBOT!!!

    Wai: Thanks alot, here's your cash.

    Narrator: No problem. Just hollar if you need anything else... heh heh

    Wai: heh hehhehh...hheheheheh...

    "The future is not determined by a throw of the dice, but is determined by the conscious decisions of you and me."
    I am addicted to ellipses!!! AHHH!!! ...

  24. #24
    (NSP: Hopefully I can give you all a good NeS-related X-mas present or few, but until then, where there's a squared NeS thread...)


    a.k.a. B.U.M.P. SQUARED!

    *shift eyes*

    *Gebohq gebs it*
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  25. #25
    NSP: ok however you make the battle of the century/minute/decade/second/eternity/day go in your posts please try to make sure Helebon, Jim7, and Seth live ... Seth isn't really important but i like him... but i have plans for Helebon and Jim7... thought i'll probably end up posting the entire battle of the century/minute/decade/second/eternity/day since y'all let this thread drop off the default forum view

    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  26. #26
    *As epic forces prepare to collide in magical Christian realms, our heroes (the main characters, remember them?) continue to wander aimlessly about the woods...*

    Ford: "Look, a cute bunny rabbit."

    Gebohq: "Ever since the Hall of Heroes was demolished, I've been feeling empty inside."

    Krig: "Krig bored."

    Gebohq: "Sort of like I have no purpose, you know? Like I just move through my day-to-day chores, accomplishing nothing important..."

    Ford: "And there's a little squirrel, his face stuffed with nuts in preparation for the long winter months."

    Gebohq: "It doesn't matter what I do, because I know that when I wake up tomorrow I'll be no further ahead than I was the day before."

    *Geb seats himself upon a rock and contemplates life's fortunes. A bird flutters down and lands on Krig's viking helm.*

    Ford: "Krig! Don't move! That's a rare East-American Striped Mockingbird!"

    Krig: "Who mock Krig?"

    Ford: "Right there, on your head! I've got to take a picture!"

    Krig: "No! No picture!"

    Ford: "But the Striped Mockingbird is an endangered species! We may never see one again!"

    Krig: "YOU NOT MOCK KRIG!"

    Ford: "Not you! The bird! On your head!"

    Krig: "Get off Krig's head!"

    Krig raises his mighty axe to smash the dainty bird from its perch. Time slows down as the blow falls.*

    Ford: "No! Not the rare East-American Striped Mockingbird!"

    *Before the axe hits, a gunshot knocks it out of Krig's hands.*

    Ranger Smith: "Careful where you're swingin' that there axe. Don't want to hit any rare Eat-American Striped Mockingbirds."

    *Ranger Smith lowers his rifle. Everybody watches as the bird flies away, spooked by all the ruckus.*

    *Meanwhile, back at the wreckage of the Hall of Heroes, a furious game of Mario Cart rages.*

    Nintendo Gamecube: "Beep."

    Cookedhaggis: "A-ha! Another blow struck for the ruling elite! Take that, plebeians!"

    The Mega ZZT'er: "Stop cheating!."

    *Drawn foreward by the sounds of video gaming, Sarn climbs over a hill of rubble to see MZZT and Haggis.*

    Sarn: "Hey, I love that game. Can I play, too?"

    CookedHaggis: "Certainly not! I say, get your own video game device!"

    Sarn: "Oh, come on. Where's your Christmas spirit?"

    CookedHaggis: "It went down the drainpipe with all the other rubbish. Now bugger off so I can concentrate and get my game on."

    *Several Muppets appear seemingly out of nowhere to treat viewers to a jaunty version of "It feels like Christmas".*

    (NSP: Bags the Christmas post for the second consecutive year!)

    Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited December 23, 2003).]

  27. #27
    (NSP: You wish, Tracer! Let the pro write up a post chock-full of Christmas cheer, on Christmas day! Well, some of it anyway. Feel free to continue it .)


    STARRING (in no particular order):

    Gebohq as "Bob Cratchit"

    Highemperor as "Ebenezer Scrooge"

    Janitor Bob as "Jacob Marley"

    Darkside as "The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come

    JediKirby as "Tiny Tim"

    Krig the Viking as "Santa Claus"

    The Machine That Goes Bing! as "Rudolph"

    CookedHaggis as "Frosty the Snowman"

    Cool Matty as "Pitiful Child #1"

    The Mega ZZter as "Pitiful Child #2"

    Mavispoo as "Mother"

    The Last True Evil as "Wise Man #1"

    Ford as "Wise Man #2"

    Semievil as "Wise Man #3"

    Losien as "Angel"

    The Otter as "Joseph"

    Maybechild as "Mary"

    and Tracer as "George Bailey"

    It is Christmas Eve, on the streets of London--

    Random Audience Member: Hey, wait a minute! This sounds a lot like the last Christmas special.

    Watch it. You're cast as a Random Christmas Elf.

    RAM/RCE: That's not cool!

    But the figure in a dark overcoat about to enter his office building is. Or rather, he's cold. Cold to the needs of his fellow men. He is known as Ebenezer Scrooge.

    Highemperor/Scrooge: Bah Humbug! I'll bump off Santa Claus, then be ruler of the most powerful holiday on Earth!


    Highemperor/Scrooge: Er, I mean, Christmas is a pointless, misrable holiday. Just another waste of money. (Still going to bump Santa off his sleigh...)

    Scrooge enters his office, where Bob Crachit sits writing away.

    Highemp/Scrooge: Mr. Crachit!

    Gebohq/Crachit: Yes, Mr. Scrooge?

    Highemp/Scrooge: Work faster!

    Geb/Crachit: Yes, Mr. Scrooge.

    Time passes...

    Geb/Crachit: Mr. Scrooge?

    Highemp/Scrooge: What now?

    Geb/Crachit: I believe it's closing time, sir.

    Highemp/Scrooge: Closing time already? Didn't I just get here a few seconds ago?

    Geb/Crachit: Uh... time flies when you're having fun?

    Highemp/Scrooge: Right. See you tomorrow then.

    Geb/Crachit: But Mr. Scrooge, tomorrow is Christmas!

    Highemp/Scrooge: And?

    Geb/Crachit: It's customary to have the day off.

    Highemp/Scrooge: The whole day? You lazy bum!

    Geb/Crachit: If you will, Mr. Scrooge, you will have no one else to do business with, and it'll be a waste of expensive coal for the fire.

    Highemp/Scrooge: Excuses excuses... fine. Be off then, and I expect you to be here all the earlier the next day!

    Geb/Crachit: Whee!

    Highemp/Scrooge: Did you finish your work?

    Geb/Crachit: *gebs it*

    Highemp/Scrooge: *sigh*

    Scrooge closed up shop for the night, and made his way home. Upon arriving, he is greeted by a... tall man in a business suit?

    Highemp/Scrooge: GAH! What are you doing here?

    Jim7: I am the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come. Can't you tell by the moody darkness?

    Highemp/Scrooge: Wait a minute -- you're not suppose to be here! I still have to be haunted by my dead business partner, Jacob Marley. And what about the other two Christmas spirits? And I thought the script called for Darkside to be the Ghost of Christmas Future.

    Jim7: Yeah, see, the janitor was tied up with something else, and Darkside got called in to replace one of Santa's Christmas elves.

    Zip to the North Pole.

    Darkside: Stupid toy-making.

    Zip back to London.

    Jim7/GoCF: So yeah, I'm filling in. Deal with it.

    Highemp/Scrooge: We're not going to follow the script again, aren't we?

    Jim7/GoCF: Who knows. Anyway, you're still going to visit your past and current Christmases as well. Before that, though, better say this now in case the Christmas special gets cancelled earlier. MERRY CHRISTMAS! OK, now Hold on while I smack you with the Baseball Bat of Time...

    Highemp/Scrooge: Huh?

    Jim7/Scrooge: Nothing.

    The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come smacks Scrooge with a baseball bat.

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited December 25, 2003).]
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  28. #28
    Not Suitable for Motor Vehicles
    Highemp/Scrooge is blasted foreward two days

    Highemp/Scrooge: I thought i was supposed to be sent to the future.

    Jim7/GoCP: you know the budget for these things.

    Highemp/Scrooge: Ah, right.

    Scrooge looks around in wonder at the ruins of the city of london.

    H/S: What's happened? The city was fine a couple days ago!

    J/G: Well, your continued burning of coal in these modern times caused environmentalists to go on a rampage which caused a riot throughout the country, which decimated the population of britain and brought down the monarchy.

    H/S: Humbug. this was supposed to happen years from now. How will i ever hope to gain power now? No one knows who i am!

    J/G: You're not.

    Just then, a familiar figure walks in stage left.

    Geb/Crachet: Hello!

    J/G: Just in time! Happy Boxing Day to you, O Suprememe Lord and Savior!

    G/C: Aw, shucks, you're just saying that! Really, all i did was tell people to calm down, Scrooge was dead and there would be no more coal burning. See, i came in christmas morning(old habits die hard you see, i've had to work on christmas every year previous) and found Mr. Scrooge beaten and bloodied on the floor of his counting room. Thats when the riots started. Nutters i tell ya.

    H/S: Holy Crap! what am i supposed to do now?

    Will the christmas special be continued, or will this be dropped like a fly in a pestecide factory? who knows? The Shadow Knows....

    RAM: You've used that joke before

    Ford the Writer: Quiet you.

    <Dormouse> there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

    We are only human, perfect in our imperfections. - Erin amie du Dor

    <Dormouse> it's really cute in the way that a sherman tank with a fuzzy steering wheel is cute
    My girlfriend paid a lot of money for that tv; I want to watch ALL OF IT. - JM

  29. #29
    HighempScrooge: "So, it's two days in the future, right?"

    JimGhostofChristmasYetToCome: "Er, yes, I said that already, moron."

    HighempScrooge: "And you're the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, right?"

    JimGhost: "Yes!"

    Highemp: "So if we're only two days in the future, it's not Christmas anymore, is it?"

    JimGhost: "Er..."

    Highemp: "Aha! Your power over me is useless now that it is no longer Christmas! I'm free!"

    JimGhost: "Hey, now wait a minute..."

    *Highemp wanders away, cackling and gloating, as miserly and crochety as ever. No Christmas Spirit was learned, and the story ends without a moral.*

    JimGhost: "@%#^$. They shouldn't get the apparent Prince of Darkness to teach people the true meaning of Christmas."

    Is the Christmas Interlude over? Or is this just a trick, false ending? Is Jim7 really Satan himself? If so, why is he helping the good guys? Answers to these questions and also the meaning of life, next time on the Never-ending Stooooryyyyy.... Squaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrreddddddd... [echo, echo, echo...]

    [This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited December 27, 2003).]
    So sayest the Writer of Silly Things!

  30. #30
    and now back to our regularly scheduled battle of the century/minute/decade/second/eternity/day


    Instead of waiting for the army ahead of him to reach the city Jim7 leads a group of 5,000 out to try to do SOME damage to Helebon's army.

    Jim7: WRAA!!!

    Jim7 draws his sword, "Mike", and heads towards Helebon's army of 750,000,000...


    wang is within all
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  31. #31
    Deep within the fiery depths of Hell, the battle of the... well, the battle of the important time segment rages with incredible, PPV-worthy violence. Seeing how time doesn't really flow in any particular order in Hell, recording this battle makes it somewhat difficult. Then again, there seems to be an inordinate amount of fighting in Hell in the first place...

    Regardless of such, Jim7 slays Helebon's soldiers left and right. He had some anger issues to work out after the ordeal with EeP.

    Jim7: Wraaaaa!!!

    Suddenly, CoolMatty and the others with him appeared over a rolling hill to the side of the battle in a rather dramatic fashion suspiciously familiar to that of "Return of the King." Helebon's soldiers turned their attention to them.

    CM: Uh... crap. This isn't what I had in mind.

    *CM and the others geb it.*

    (NSP: Hopefully I can contribute in a better fashion in hte near future. Until then, you get this.)
    The Plothole: a home for amateur, inclusive, collaborative stories

  32. #32
    Jim7 swings his sword again taking down hundreds of Helebon's soldiers...

    Helebon: This is getting annoying... shoot him...

    General Cheesebucket: our rifles seem to have no effect...

    Helebon: I mean shoot him with a tank you fool!

    One of Helebon's tanks aims it's main gun at Jim7 and fires... direct hit... Jim7 is nowhere to be found after the smoke cleared

    Helebon: VICTORY!! Now we move on to the city

    Helebon's forces take the city with no problem...

    General Qhobeg: the City of Flame is burning...

    Captain Kirck: Well it IS the City of Flame...

    General Qhobeg: but the entire city never burned until now... I fear the city has fallen... we may be too late

    General Qhobeg leads his troops towards the City of Flame


    wang is within all

    [This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited January 13, 2004).]
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  33. #33
    In Hell, Helebon's forces have taken the Black City of Flame in the First Hell, the route out into NeS.

    General Cheesebucket: We are victorious, master.

    Helebon: W00t! And look! The city is aglow!

    General Cheesebucket: True, that's because it's on fire.

    Helebon: Details. . . Anywhos, what's our status, General?

    GC: We have successfully captured the First Hell, we have about 700 million troops remaining, more than twice the number of Jim's total troops in all of Hell.

    Helebon: Don't sell him short. He IS my son, after all. He'll have some plan.

    GC: But he's dead, sir.

    Helebon arches an eyebrow.

    GC: Oh, right. Hell and the concept of death. What WAS I thinking?

    Helebon: Prepare to invade the NeS!


    Seven years into the future (2011 AD), the Earth is a dark and - dare I say it? - hellish place, ruled supreme by Helebon, though the heroes do put up a resistance, led by Jim/Satan, from the depths of Hell. Helebon's Castle in London is an asteroid of hellflame and brimstone hovering above the ruins of Big Ben in the center of a magical storm maintained by 60 sorcerer golems, making it impenetrable.

    General Geb: *wearing tattered rags of a resistance uniform* Good golly gosh. How can we ever hope to get through that?

    His walkie-talkie crackles, and Jim speaks through it.

    High Commander Jim: Nevermind that, Gebohq. Just keep scouting. Once we find a weakness in that storm, we'll find a way into the asteroid castle itself.

    Gen. Geb: Yes, High Commander. . .


    Back in 2004 AD, in the Hall of Heroes, the Characters(TM) are doing their own thing, when suddenly a knock comes at the door. Maybe answers it. It's a queen, in royal robes and a crown.

    Queen: Hi, I'm the queen of Hyrule.

    Geb: *excitedly* Cool! Do you need our help? Do you need us?

    Otter: *coming downstairs* What's this? Who needs me? *flashing his most odiously charming smile at Maybe, who shudders*

    Geb: No, not like that. This king needs some heroes.

    Losien: *coming out of the kitchen* Heroes? I just made some hero sandwiches! Dig in!

    Geb: Not that kind of hero, sis.

    Losien: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- *starts to cry*

    Otter: Here, babe, I'll make it better.

    Maybe: *warningly* Hands off, Otter.

    Krig: *confused* Hands off Otter? Otter's hands on!

    Maybe: No, Krig, I mean I want his hands off-

    Krig: Oh! You want me cut hands off! 'K! Me no much like Otter anyway!

    Maybe chases Krig down, trying to keep him from chopping Otter's hands off, while Otter screams bloody murder. Meanwhile, Geb is talking to the Queen of Hyrule.

    Geb: So you need heroes?

    Queen: Actually, yes, but just one. *grabs one of Losien's sandwiches and starts munching* Thanks. Anyway *between bites* I'm looking for my husband. You seen him?

    Geb: *crestfallen* No, sorry.

    Queen: Oh, well, he'll turn up. Thanks. *she leaves*

    Soon another knock comes at the door. Geb answers it, seeing the King of Hyrule.

    Geb: Oh, hullo. Your wife is looking for you.

    King: Yes, I know. I'm trying to avoid her. Ganondorf has her under an evil spell that makes her think I'm cheating on her with a woman that wears purple lipstick.

    Geb: *seeing purple lipstick on the King's collar* Er, okay. Um, what do you need?

    King: *grandly* Heroes.

    Geb: *glumly* Over there. *pointing to the sandwiches*

    King: *bewildered* Um, I mean to fight bad guys.

    Geb: W00t! What's going on?

    King: Well, my daughter Zelda the princess is dead, and there's no Link around to save us. Ganon has assumed the form of Helebon, who rules the world seven years into the future. It is rumored that only the Hero of Neverending Time with the NeSword can stop him!


    NSP: Okay, my idea is a Zelda-esque adventure, similar to Ocarina of Time. Geb is Link, Maybe is Zelda, and Helebon in the future (2011 AD) is Ganondorf. Whatchoo think?

    Quest on epic adventures or duel at the High Citadel!
    Visit my all-new website, the [url=]Lazarus Citadel[/url!

  34. #34
    High above the rolling, open terrain, in a clear blue sky, a bright flash appears and vanishes. A minute later a white dot appears above the horizon. The wind rustles the short prarie grass. The dot seems to enlarge, giving the impression that it is getting closer.

    In a mere fraction of a second there is a roaring sound opposite the dot in the sky, however, the dot in the sky has vanished. Copious amounts of smoke and dust accompany a small local earthquake with an epicenter not far to the north, of a small band of heroes.

    *cough* *cough* "Could you go a little easier on the landing next time!?" A woman climbs out of the crater in the ground. Despite having a rough landing, her white clothes are unruffled and unsoiled.

    "It's not my fault!" *cough* "It's this place!" the dust begins to settle a little. A man dressed mostly in a white and green robe labors up the inside of the crater. The woman lends him a hand and pulls him out.

    "You mean the nebula?" She says.

    Straightening up the man looks around. The two figures seem to glow as if they had thier own light. "Yeah, I've felt it ever since we passed into it." He reached out as if to feel the air. "It's as if reality is... thin.. here. It's dangerous. We could be here one minute and be in a Charles Dickens Classic the next."

    "A what?"

    "Nevermind." The man takes a step and puts his foot wrong in the loose earth. "Whoa!" He falls and collides with the woman. She lets out a yelp of surprise and they both tumble down the lip of the cater into the grass.

    The dust finally settles and the man ends up on top of the woman. He quickly notices and pushes himself up off of her. He looks down into the eys of the woman he's loved for a long time.

    A big, idiot grin splits the face of Ping Me.

    Pristine looks up at him and blushes, "This isn't time for fooling around, that can come later. For now it seems to me that we have an audience." She turns her head in the grass. Ping follows her movement and finally notices a small band of heroes standing on a hill top looking on.

    Dear Geb, I believe introductions and explanations are in order. ^_^

  35. #35
    At the Black Fortress Seth and almost all that remains of Hell's Army await Helebon's attack...


    Helebon's Army: WRAA!!!!

    Suddenly a horn if heard off in the west

    Seth: The Horn of Qhobeg...

    General Qhobeg's troops appear over a hill and attack Helebon's Army... In the battle which lasted a few... uhm... hours i guess... Helebon's forces were defeated and the Black Fortress was heavily damaged though it still stands...

    Helebon: damn them... damn them all to Hell...

    Helebon sneaks into the Black Fortress and walks up to the portal...

    Seth: I will not permit you to enter that portal!

    Helebon: Do you really think you can stop me?

    Seth: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!!!

    Helebon: *cough*rip-off*cough*

    Helebon throws a rock at Seth, knocking Seth to the ground, Helebon then steps through the portal

    Jim7: I'm too late...

    Seth: sir we thought you were ...nevermind

    Jim7: damn tank knocked me all the way to MordorLand... I would have been here sooner but they were riding the Nazgul Nightmare in reverse...

    Seth: Really? cool...

    Jim7: Well time to take care of Helebon...

    Jim7 steps through the portal

    Jim7: Helebon!

    Jim7 runs after Helebon (note: the year is 2004) but hits his head on a branch that had just fallen from a random tree


    wang is within all

    [This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited January 14, 2004).]
    eat right, exercise, die anyway

  36. #36
    Child's Play CharityGoY's Pessimistic Soy Boy Toy
    In time long passed, almost forgotten to the minds of many, there was once peace. In this time of peace, there were a group of young heroes. How a group of heroes can exist without the conflict of evil, this narrator has yet to understand, but it was still so. These heroes lived in a world much like our own, in a city of London much like our own, yet twisted, and undefined, much unlike our own. These heroes were soon faced with the tribulations of life, death, and doughnuts. Their lives all defining the lives of all the mortals in the world, the heavens, and even the hells below. But everything before this moment in time, everything so unimaginably unfathomable, could not compare to what the heroes were about to face, the anguish, death, and pain that would befall the heroes as they traveled into the mouth of hell to battle the evil forces, and hope to counter their already predetermined future. A future where the lines between hell, and earth are obscured and uncontrolled... and yes, even the lines of Heaven are obscured with this Picasso of a future. The only question, is if the heroes will be able to save the morals of earth, and the doughnuts as well...

    A place so quiet that thoughts manifest in sharp clicks, a place so empty that distance is inconceivable, a place where time is undefined, and unparallel, a place called 1337. In this place, a face of an old man lays quiet, even in the silence of 1337. His eyes lay closed, his mind flowing across the many threads of intellect; an intellect defined by the long lines of age obscuring is pale pink skin. jEDIkIRBYtHEwHITE blinked his eyes open, his heartbeat ringing through the place of 1337, his eyes burning read, his throat clenching with fear.

    JKTheWhite It is time.

    As if the words were spoken, they were heard throughout 1337, and as all things are said, they are heard. The sound of thunder filled the once quiet place of 1337. The peace and tranquility exchanged for chaos and misshapen madness. The clutter of mass filled what was once unfillable. Some who remember this, as if what was to see had been saw, call the masses 'The Heard,' 'The Echoes,' and 'Chaos to 1337.' But a name most spoken, and most heard is that of 'tHE kIRBYaRMY.'

    JKTheWhite Our time has come. We will rise against the forces of hell, and return order back to the land of NeS. And thus, we will instate a new order. We will create what is uncreatable. The land of NeS˛ is upon us!

    At that moment, JKTheWhite moved as if what is moved is seen, and thus it was seen that he drew from his long white cloak a parchment that was as long as the eternity is, as if the eternity could be measured. What JKTheWhite held in his gnarled pudgy pink digits was the NeS Script...

    JKTheWhite What is written, as if written to be read, will be changed! Those Without Names will soon have names! Those who do not speak will speak! AND THOSE NOW WITH NAMES WILL BE HEARD!

    As if answering what was asked, a bolt of lightning coursed through the end of the long white staff clutched in JKTheWhite's free hand, tearing as if what was meant to be tore in half, and thus the place that was unfillable, was emptied onto earth and the heavens, and hells that come with it.

    JKTheWhite We shall offer those that are unattainable to the master, the lord Gebohq! The Armies of Pink shall rule what was once un-ruled!

    The creations that were once created filled into the essence of earth, and it's heavens and hells. Yet those that should be seen, lay unseen until their time was revealed. The Kirby's once made for dark purposes by he who is named as if he should be named The Last True Evil were now agents of order, agents of control, tranquility... and peace. In the place of 1337, only 2 bodies of mass remained.

    JKTheWhite Are you ready for this task? Are you prepared for the unwritten to be written, and the written to be revised?

    TltekIRBY I'm not certain master... the future is unclear to those who do not read what is still to be written...

    JKTheWhite And he who does read what you claim to be unwritten, only reads. What is written, is not always written to be understood, my son.

    TltekIRBY Yes, you are correct as usual, thus you are the master, and I the son.

    JKTheWhite Good, now go... and be ready to be summoned by he who must lead...

    TltekIRBY Yes, of course...

    The heavens, hells, earths, and 1337 have thus been merged into one, as if merged to be one. The one who is named as if to be called JKTheWhite will propose to the lord Gebohq a proposition, that the Armies once used for destruction will again rise to defeats the new evil... but even so, it is written as if to be read that Hell will concur... the Heroes may need more than an unending army of persona-clashes to defeat what is written to be read undefeatable. Tune in next time to see what has been written, only written for your mortal eyes to see... and see if I can say more stupid things... for I am the Legendary Narrator!

    [NSP: WOW! Long time no see! As you can see, the group of Kirby’s that reeked havoc in the past are BACK! And will soon, hopefully, be joining Gebohq! Have fun with this, but leave gEBOHQkIRBY, or any of the hero-kirbys alone for now.]


    "I was driving along listening to the radio, when Judas Priest comes on. It was 'You've got another thing coming.' All of a sudden, I enter 'VICE CITY RAMAGE MODE' and nearly ran some guy over"
    - ]-[ellequin
    ᴸᶥᵛᵉ ᴼᵑ ᴬᵈᵃᵐ

  37. #37
    NSP: Er, continuity - there is no more hall of hereoes. Can please decide if it's demolished or not? The HoH is kind

    RESPONSE FROM GEBOHQ (because I can! mwahahahahaha *cough* er....): Yes, the HoH is suppose to be demolished -- it's why Geb and Mr T are in a van in the first post -- the van is suppose to be the "new HoH" of sorts. There have been a few other continuity errors as well, but I understand it can be hard to do since technically the 1999th reply has not been finished yet. There is, however, a good portion of it up now as well as an outline of what we intend to have covered, so PLEASE read that, and when we finish, Krig and I will try to straighten everything else. Until then, I'd suggest having fun with the family feud in Hell and such.

    Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.

    [This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited January 20, 2004).]

  38. #38
    NSP: Ah, screw it. Destroyed, fine, whatever. Having only the faintest idea of who or what Zelda is, here I go...

    Gebohq: "Onward, heroes! Only we can dispense justice upon Helebon and save the future from the...uh, past. I think..."

    Otter: "Hold on a minute - does this mean we have to use the time travel machine again?"

    Gebohq: "...Or the present..."

    Otter: "Because I really don't want to do that."

    MaybeChild: "Otter's got a point. We've tried playing God against the incomprehensible vastness of time before, and it's only ended in grief."

    Gebohq: "But the King needs us! We're the only ones who can help him now."

    MaybeChild: "So? It's not like we owe him anything. He's probably not even a king."

    Otter: "Yeah, did you bother to check out his credentials?"

    Gebohq: (exasperated) "I can't believe this! We're heroes, not mercinaries! We do good for good's sake, and right now, the King of Hyrule needs the Neverending Hero to weild the Sword of Time against the future Helebon."

    MaybeChild: "That's not what he said."

    Gebohq: "What?"

    MaybeChild: "He said that he wants the Hero of Time to attack Helebon with the Neverending Sword."

    CookedHaggis: "No no, his lordship is simply requesting that we attend a timely mermorial service for the deceased princess, where we will be presented with ceremonial swords in recognition of our outstaning heroship. In seven years' time."

    Otter: "You're all wrong. He needs the Lord of the Dance to perform on Link's grave."

    The Mega ZZT'er: "Didn't he just say not to fall out of time when playing the Ocarina?"

    Krig: "Krig spin Wheel of Time and win valuable prizes!"

    Sarn Cadrill: "He wants a pizza."

    *Everybody looks at Sarn.*

    MaybeChild: "Um, he didn't mention anything about pizza."

    Gebohq: "Look, this is all beside the point! Somewhere, out in the mists of time, there's trouble brewing - trouble that only we can stop. I don't know about you, but I don't bust out and save the world because there might be a reward, or a prize, and I don't do it for the recognition, either. I'm a hero because I believe in the greater good - I believe in helping those who can't or won't help themselves."

    Sarn Cadrill: (on the phone) "Yes, I'd like a large pepperoni pizza..."

    Gebohq: "I believe in the very act of heroism. Now, if you don't that's fine - you can spend your time watching television and playing video games, but if you're like me, you'll gladly fling yourself into the thingy, grab the undead linksword and stick it into Helebon, because that's the right thing to do."

    Sarn Cadrill: (on the phone) "Delivered to the year 2011,, it's okay, we have this thingy..."

    *The assembled heroes stand with silent awe, deeply moved by Geb's speech.*

    MaybeChild: "Geb...that was so beautiful..."

    Otter: " coherent...

    CookedHaggis: "I must say, I've suddenly become all teary-eyed."

    *Everyone continues to watch Geb, who glories in his heroic ideal. The only noise is that of a pizza delivery guy getting sucked into the Thingy several minutes later.*

    Pizza Delivery Guy: "FWAA!"

    *And so, good triumphs over evil once again.*

    Shut up. I'm GOING to do this whether you like it or not.

    [This message has been edited by Tracer (edited January 21, 2004).]

  39. #39
    Mimiru (Fighting while talking): Dammit, Subaru! I thought CM was going to be here!

    Subaru (Also fighting): You know how men are! He's probably taking a nap somewhere!

    *Pan to CM and Wai's location, on the top of a hill overlooking the vast Helebon army*

    CM: Holy... schamoly... There's just too many of em!

    Wai: Don't you think we should be helping?

    CM: Your right. Wai, go run down there and start talking. That's bound to put them all to sleep. Then we can attack swiftly and quitely at their hearts.

    Wai: I am able to recognize sarcasm, and it's reading off the scale. Now don't you think Mimiru will be quite upset when she sees you cowering up here?

    CM: Bah, she's still researching.

    Wai: I dunno. That looks a helluva lot like her to me!

    CM: Where!?

    *Wai points down the hill and to the left. Mimiru and Subaru stand back to back, with a large pile of demons lay dead around them. More continue to surrounding them, with their fierce cries of war*

    CM: Well that's no good! Com'on Wai, I can't let her see me up here.

    Wai: (to self) Of course he wouldn't think of the wellbeing of her...

    CM: You say something?

    Wai: Technically, I can't speak. I produce voice via a speaker connected to a ...

    CM: Ok whatever. Let's go!

    *CM and Wai slide down the mountain and into the fray, where they begin battling*

    CM: Wai! You cover me, get me some distance. I'll start firebombing a path to Mimiru!

    *Wai pulls out his own creation, the "/home/user0/hack/sword/~blade/hackblade.swd".
    He swings at it, and on contact, instantly hacks into the demons brain and shuts it down. This happens all in a matter of milliseconds, and the demon falls to the floor.
    Wai continues to do this to all who approach CM.
    CM, meanwhile summons Phoenix Gail.*

    CM: Phoenix, hear my call. Prepare a fire that moves with the speed of a gail-force wind! Melt my enemies, burn a path to my beloved Mimiru!

    *A red-hot fire appears in the sky, and takes a form of a bird. The bird swoops down, diving into the demons, melting them into ashes. The bird continues flying, through demon after demon, until it reaches Mimiru, where it exhausts into a puff of smoke*

    CM: The path is clear, let's go Wai!

    *They quickly scuttle down the flashburned path to Mimiru, who is battling for her life*

    Will they make it? When will Geb save them? Does Geb know what he is doing? Is Wai going to hack Hell? Am I a complete geek? And who is this new *_* narrator? STAY T00NED!

    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)
    .hack//SIGN - The World - Just Believe

    (Yes, This is Cool Matty)

  40. #40
    *Mimiru staggers down the rocky incline to Helebon's lair, brandishing a large sword swiped from one of her countless fallen opponents. Beset by enemies from all sides, she straightens and makes a last stand.*

    Mimiru: Where are you CM? Wai? Anyone?

    *But CM and Wai have been waylaid by a vast enemy contingent further up the slope, and Subaru was caught by a ricocheting magic blast during the skirmish and lies nearby, unconscious.*

    Mimiru: Fine then...death with honour! Farewell CM my's all your fault I'm about to die!

    *With a final epic battle cry, Mimiru swings her sword in a truly massive 360-degree arc, knocking all the snarling demons to the ground. She then leaps above them all, pointing her blade downward and screaming in a final kamikaze move-*


    *As Mimiru falls to her doom, a sudden barrage of bullets overwhelms the assembled demons and they fly backwards, defeated. Mimiru lands awkwardly and spins to see the new arrival. A tall man in a black overcoat with the Soviet hammer and sickle embroidered in red on the back stands before her. He is ruggedly handsome, in an offhand manner, and is carrying an outrageously large machine pistol in one hand and a steel officer's sabre in the other.*

    Mimiru: Who are you?

    Figure: Pleased to meet you, name is meaningless, but I am code-named The Last True Evil, and it has stuck. We've never met personally, but we fight for the same ideals.

    Mimiru: The NeS?

    TLTE: Da.

    *At that moment, four broad-shouldered demons with longswords charge them from the side.*


    *Mimiru pivots on the spot, sword spinning in a fluid motion that cleaves through two of them. TLTE blocks an overhead sweep from one of the larger demons with his sword, thrusts his gun into its abdomen and blows it away.*

    TLTE: There's a punch line here, but it's just too easy.

    *The final demon roars and leaps on Mimiru, who falls backward plunging her blade into its chest. At the same time, TLTE's gun forcibly removes the demon's skull, care of about thirty high-impact bullets.*

    TLTE: Yes, he's dead. ABSOLVER! WHERE ARE YOU?!

    *A young, broadly grinning man with dashing looks dressed in the manner of a modern-day pirate races to them. He is carrying two golden scimitars, which are covered in demonic blood.*

    Absolver: All right then, TLTE? I was havin' a bit of fun over there introducin' the demonic class of 2004 to my two favourite guest speakers!

    *He indicates not-too-subtly at his blades, as if this were a joke of the highest class and sophistication. TLTE takes it with practiced strain; that is to say, he slaps his friend in the face.*

    TLTE: Now, introduce yourself to our new friend Mimiru-

    *But Absolver is already helping the young woman from under the demon carcass, his grin so wide now it threatens to unzip his face.*

    Absolver: Feelin' OK under there, my dove? Only I think I'd make a far less pungent, and definitely less controversial lyin' down partner!

    Mimiru: Er..thank you, but I'm spoken for.

    Absolver: (grin unwavering) That's OK my dove, I have all the time in the world to wait for you...

    *As if on cue, CM and Wai rush to Mimiru's side, brandishing their weapons at TLTE and Absolver, who respond in kind.*

    CM: Mimiru my love, are you all right? These are strange looking demons indeed!

    Absolver: That ain't fair, I missed breakfast!

    TLTE: There is no time for this, tovarish! I am TLTE, and this is my court jester, Absolver-

    *Absolver sketches a salute, a bow and a curtsey in one.*

    Absolver: Charmed.

    TLTE -and we are in a prime position here to cut through the defenses and make it into Helebon's inner sanctum!

    Wai: He's right, CM. We number well enough to engage the enemy in a straight line from here to Helebon himself, and sustain minimal losses.

    *CM considers for a moment, eyeing TLTE and Absolver with undisguised suspicion.*

    CM: Fine, fine. Wake up Subaru; we've got work to do.

    *They turn and start moving...*

    TLTE and Absolver return! But where did they come from?! What has transpired since we last left them? Is all what it seems? We shall soon find out, shan't we? Shan't we?! All right, you got me, I just like the word 'shan't'...But you know what else I like? STAYING TUNED FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF NESQUARED!!!

    [This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited January 21, 2004).]
    The Last True Evil - consistent nobody in the Discussion Forum since 1998

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